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please don't say you love me

Summary:

Atsumu is staring at Sakusa. It's all he's been doing lately. Staring at him. Thinking about him. Trying to gather the courage to tell him how he feels.

He steals a lone glance at Sakusa, who looks like he would rather watch paint dry, or grass grow, than even spare Atsumu a single look.

Suddenly, he feels something smash into the side of his skull, and a chorus of some very distressed, "Atsumu!" and "Miya!" and feels his head hit the court’s floor. Someone is running up to him, and he hears a final, very distraught call of his given name, from a particularly familiar voice.

He passes out.

---

Atsumu wakes up in the future.

Notes:

title from 'first love late spring' by mitski.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Atsumu is staring at Sakusa. It's all he's been doing lately. Staring at him. Thinking about him. Trying to gather the courage to confess to him. It's been going on for months now, these feelings he has towards his teammate. Thankfully, no one has seemed to notice. He just doesn't want to ruin the team’s dynamic. A voice in his head always calls him a coward, and he always ignores it. No matter what he does, Sakusa is as cold and distant as ever.

This week, however, Sakusa has been acting weird. Well, weirder. Sakusa is always weird, it’s like, his Thing, Atsumu knows this, but this was a different kind of weird. Sakusa was acting extra flinchy. He barely talked to Atsumu. That wasn't that bad, Atsumu was like, eighty percent sure Sakusa hated him from the inside out, but at least most days he was tolerating Atsumu’s antics. Lately, he’s just been avoiding atsumu. He barely even looked at him. Not that Atsumu cares or anything.

He doesn't care what people think, he doesn't care what they say. He knows he's worth it, he knows he's the best, and he doesn't care what anyone else does.

Why does he care when it’s Sakusa?

'Because you like him,' that annoying voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Osamu would repeat, over and over again.

So what? Atsumu likes Sakusa. Sue him.

"Atsumu-san!" a voice pulls him out of his head, and he barely manages to dodge Hinata's serve. He hears Hinata yell an apology from across the training court. He raises a thumb to signal Hinata that it’s okay.

A strong palm makes contact with his back, a slap that sends him stumbling forward. "What’s up with you, Tsum-Tsum?" Bokuto asks with a smile, "Got your head somewhere else, huh?" he adds a wink.

Atsumu tries to come up with any excuse better than 'I’m hopelessly in love with the only teammate that absolutely hates my guts and for some reason it’s affecting me so bad that I’m horribly out of my game,' so he decides to just go with a simpler one. "Jus’ tired, man. Y’know how it is," he replies, hoping that was enough of an explanation for Bokuto, and that he wouldn't push it any further.

Bokuto simply lets out a short, loud laugh, "Yeah! Akaashi is so tired all the time as well, I keep telling him, don’t stay up editing all night, but he does it anyway. Ha, sometimes I have to physically drag him to bed, like one of those long cats, y’know? Maybe you should also sleep more, ‘Tsumu, we don't want our best setter so out of it! It’s bad for the team!"

Bokuto sounds like he genuinely cares, god bless his oversized soul. "Yeah, just gotta sleep more," Atsumu replies distantly, already going back to his busy mind, head full of thoughts of one curly-haired teammate. He sighs.

'It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about me. Not if they think I deserve the world and not if they hate my guts. I’m my own person, I know myself best. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter,' he thinks to himself like a mantra. He’s known for not letting what others think affect him, but here comes this stupidly handsome dark eyed man and all his reputation just becomes nothing. Insignificant against the spell Sakusa Kiyoomi has on him.

Going back to actually practicing his receives, Atsumu gets in position to receive one of bokuto’s killer serves. He steals a lone glance at Sakusa, who looks like he would rather watch paint dry, or grass grow, than even spare Atsumu a single look.

'It doesn’t matter.'

Suddenly, he feels something smash into the side of his skull, and a chorus of some very distressed, "Atsumu!" and "Miya!" and feels his head hit the court’s floor. Someone is running up to him, and he hears a final, very distraught call of his given name, from a particularly familiar voice.

He passes out.

⸎⸎⸎

 

Atsumu feels himself waking up, just a little. There are strong arms wrapped around him. 'This is nice', he thinks, and snuggles back into the warm embrace. Giving no thought to who's cuddling him, or where he is, or on whose bed he seems to be laying in. 'That's a problem for future Atsumu,' he decides, and lets himself fall back to sweet unconsciousness.

When he wakes up again, later, the body behind him is still there. Now, when he's more aware, he starts to panic. Where is he? What's going on? Who’s the stranger in bed with him? He's sure that just a moment ago he was at practice, what the hell happened? A million questions fly around in his brain, he tosses around, trying to gently break free from the arms holding him close in an attempt to not disturb the body that holds him, but the embrace only gets tighter.

"Morning, love, glad to see you're awake," a familiar voice greets him with a whisper. Behind him, a soft pair of lips leaves a trail of frail kisses on his nape. “Don’t get up yet, it’s warm.” It’s all so tender. Atsumu freaks out.

Atsumu turns around, fully panicked, only for his lips to be captured in a kiss. When he calms down from his shock, he's even more surprised to see the familiar man in front of him. He seems broader, older, more mature. Atsumu really is confused. There is an older Sakusa Kiyoomi laying right next to him in bed, and he just kissed him.

Atsumu feels overwhelmed, thoughts clouding his head ever so rapidly, too many unanswered questions flooding his brain. He wills himself to focus. Right now, the only thing he can do is go along with whatever is happening, and try to figure out what to do later. Shoot first, ask questions later.

Kiyoomi seems to take notice of the panic in his eyes, and gently caresses his face. "What's wrong, Atsumu?" he asks, and there’s so much love exuding from his voice that Atsumu feels like his heart is going to burst.

"Nothing! Nothing, uh, good morning to ya too!" he replies, and then, gathering all of his courage, he plants a stiff kiss back on Kiyoomi’s lips.

This does seem to calm Kiyoomi down a little, although his eyes still question Atsumu silently. He gives him a soft smile and Atsumu buries his head in the point where Kiyoomi’s neck and chest meet, unable to contain his overflowing emotions. Kiyoomi chuckles and kisses the top of his head, running his fingers through soft locks of bleached blond hair.

Atsumu can feel himself relax a bit, his surroundings seeming less and less frightening with the older kiyoomi looking at him like he hung the moon in the sky, holding him like the most precious work of art, or a fragile vase.

Oh, Atsumu realizes sadly. This is the future he dreams about constantly.

The one he never would be able to have.

Over him, Kiyoomi yawns and stretches. "Do you want breakfast?" he offers but doesn't wait for an answer. "Get up, I’m making breakfast." He pulls the covers and exposes Atsumu to the cool air of the bedroom.

Even with these deprecating thoughts in mind, atsumu allows himself to enjoy this fever dream of a universe. He gets up after Kiyoomi, walking into the kitchen. He steps on a child’s toy on his way. He pays it no mind, so enthralled by the captivating magic spell this version of Kiyoomi, one that actually loves him, has on him.

He sits down at the table, trying to comprehend what witchcraft this Atsumu had to perform in order to convince Kiyoomi to share such an intimate space with him, let alone love him. A sad sigh escapes from his lips.

Before he knows it, Kiyoomi places a dish in front of him. He made scrambled eggs, just the way Atsumu likes. Atsumu feels his heart swell. He chokes out a broken little 'thank you,' and they begin eating in silence.

While his mind is on overdrive thinking about this older Kiyoomi, he doesn't notice that same man picking up their empty plates to put away. It isn't until Kiyoomi is towering over him while Atsumu himself is still sitting down in the chair, that he seems to understand Kiyoomi is no longer eating. A hand combs through his hair, and Kiyoomi says something about picking someone up, but Atsumu doesn't hear him, too busy being hung on the fact that Kiyoomi keeps touching him so casually.

Kiyoomi places a light kiss on his hair, and heads out.

Now that he's alone, Atsumu is hyper-aware of his current situation, his mind is running across all options for solutions and ways to get back home. Then he remembers, he has a twin.

So he does what he does in any emergency, and calls Osamu.

As soon as Osamu picks up, Atsumu starts rambling, "’Samu! ‘Samu, holy shit, thank fuck you answered. I- I really don’t know who else to ask without being laughed at, I really need your help, I don't know where I am, I mean, all I remember is being hit with a volleyball on the head and now I'm sharin’ an apartment with Omi-kun, and I for sure thought he like, hated me, or something, and now we share a bed? What the actual hell."

Osamu seems to think this is all a joke, and laughs."Yeah, man, I would expect husbands to sleep in the same bed. Did you hit your head or something? You're acting super weird."

"I’m super serious right now, ‘Samu, I'm like, twenty-three, and Omi looks like he’s thirty, and I also look like I’m thirty, and I don’t live here, how the fuck did I end up here, and how do I get back home?”

Osamu gives him another chuckle, and hangs up.

Atsumu groans in frustration and ignores the fact he called them husbands. If his brother can’t take him seriously, no one else can. "Fuck!" he yells into the empty apartment. He desperately rakes though his mind for any piece of information that might help him get out of here, anything, anything. And he’s got it.

He calls Osamu again.

"What now, Atsumu? Your stupid little prank didnt work on me, you can stop trying-"

"Listen to me, Samu. I'm dead serious. Listen to my voice. I wouldn't push a stupid joke that far. The year is literally 2018. Or it was before I got knocked out by a volleyball. Now it’s like," he pauses to check his phone, "2025! That’s the future!"

"Sure, ‘Tsumu. Have a nice day, shitface."

"We have the same exact face, asshole!" Atsumu yells back at him. "Wait, no, no, don't hang up!! Why would I fuckin’ lie to you, ‘Samu! If you’re not gonna help me, fine! I’ll find literally anyone else who will! I don’t need ya!" Atsumu angrily rushes those words out before his twin manages to hang up on him again.

There's silence on the other side of the line. Atsumu checks to see if Osamu hung up on him again, but he's still on the call.

"Also, why would I ever joke about that?" Atsumu adds. This is too much for him. Why does his twin have to doubt him so often?

"Fuck. You actually sound serious. What happened?" Osamu asks, now frightened for his brother.

"I don't know! One second I was at practice, in 2018, and the next thing I know I wake up cuddled up to Sakusa fucking Kiyoomi, who doesn't stop touching me and giving me kisses! It freaks me out! And what did you say earlier about husbands?" Atsumu yells frantically.

"Relax, take a deep breath. Shit, I don't know where to begin. Uhh, so, the year is 2025, and you and Kiyoomi have been married for a few years. And it's Miya Kiyoomi now, by the way," Osamu can't help but laugh at his brother's shocked gasp.

"What do ya mean 'Miya Kiyoomi'?"

"Exactly what ya hear, fucker. Any idea how'd ya end up here?"

"I don't know! I was at practice, and my thoughts wandered a little, and a volleyball hit me in the head? I don't really remember what happened… Bokkun and his muscles, god bless him, sent me to another dimension…" Atsumu stops to think for a second. Maybe he got hit in the head too hard he was hallucinating this entire thing. Or maybe… he got hit so hard he was sent to the future.

"Well that fucking sucks. Ya had a really nice wedding, really unfortunate that ya don't remember," Osamu goes back to mocking him.

"’Samu, I'm serious!" Atsumu feels a lump in his throat that starts to swell up, choking on his words. "I don't know what's going on and it's weird and I'm freaking out over here!" he lets out a sob as a tear rolls down his face. "This is wrong… this is so wrong…" he's now full on crying. Great. To be vulnerable and humiliated by his twin, just what he needed.

"Shit, ‘Tsumu, I didn't mean that… Calm down, okay? Do ya want to come over?"

Atsumu tries to control his breaths. This whole situation is freaky and it scares him and he feels so lost. It’s all so, so wrong.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. "I don’t even know where I live," he mumbles.

"I’ll come pick ya up, does that work? Just tell them you have to help me with something at the shop or something. Don't worry about it, I’ll back ya up."

"Who’s them?" he demands, but Osamu has already hung up the phone.

Atsumu stares at the phone in his hand, still shocked by the turn of events. Trying to organize his thoughts, he became too caught up inside his head to hear the door open, until he heard two chatting voices, coming from the entrance.

"Dad! Dad! Look at this drawing I made!" a little girl rushes towards him with a piece of paper in hand. She grabs him by the pant leg, climbs next to him on the couch and shoves the drawing in his face. "Look! It's you an’ dad an’ me an’ a volleyball!" She grins, a slight accent in her voice.

Atsumu has never been more confused. A child just called him dad. He has a child. With Kiyoomi. What in the world is happening?

"Wow! What a beautiful drawing! Let's put it on the fridge, okay sweetie?" Atsumu tries to get along with whatever is happening, but he wasn't prepared for a child. Thank the stars he’s good with kids.

"Umeko, let your dad breathe," Kiyoomi chuckles as the child, called Umeko apparently, does her best to crush Atsumu in a hug, but her tiny arms can't even wrap around his torso.

"Yeah, watch out for yer drawing! Ya don't want it to crumple!" he smiles and she quickly lets go of him and goes to hang the drawing on the fridge with a small fruit shaped magnet. She returns with a happy grin on her face.

"Now that both of you are here, this really is a good morning," Kiyoomi smiles and leans down to kiss Atsumu.

"Eww," Umeko fake gags, staring at them disgusted.

"What? You don't like it when I do that?" Kiyoomi fakes innocence and kisses Atsumu again. Umeko fake gags again and sticks her tongue at them. Atsumu’s head is spinning, the careless affection really doing a number on him.

Atsumu bends so that he can give her a proper hug. He still can't wrap his head around the fact that he has a child. He had known her for merely a few minutes, but she had already managed to capture his heart. He truly loves her.

“Dad!” Umeko yells in her little voice, “you're squishing me!”

Atsumu laughs, “Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes, and before he sets her free he squeezes her one last time, which causes her to giggle. Once free, she runs into her little play corner, Atsumu and Kiyoomi following behind her.

Looking around after finding out he has a kid makes him notice some things he hadn't before. Some are small, like the pictures of the three of them on the fridge, some are bigger, like the actual princess castle in the middle of their living room. Only the best for his daughter, of course, but how did he even manage to miss that?

"Atsumu, can you fetch me my reading glasses? I can’t really see my book all that well." Kiyoomi requests kindly.

'Oh no,' Atsumu thinks. Glasses? If he thought he was whipped before, well, he can't wait to be blessed with the sight of Kiyoomi in glasses. Wait. How is he supposed to know where the glasses are? Kiyoomi asked him to bring them but how can he when he doesn't know where they are?

"Of course, Omi!" Atsumu smiles and starts frantically looking for the glasses. Kiyoomi must notice the strain in his voice, his rising panic, his failed attempts to find the glasses or maybe something else entirely, because he goes past him, gives him a kiss on the cheek and grabs the glasses himself.

"Don't worry, I also always forget where I put them," Kiyoomi tries to reassure him, but Atsumu knows he's lying. There's no way Kiyoomi would misplace something, evident by the fact that he already knew where the glasses were.

When passing him on his way out of the room, Kiyoomi looks at Atsumu weirdly. ‘Is he onto me?’ Atsumu freezes in his tracks. He figures that no, there’s no way Kiyoomi knows, and retreats into the living room, where he finds Kiyoomi taking up the entire couch.

"Hey, that’s unfair, Omi, yer all over the couch! Move!" he complains.

"Yeah, like that has ever stopped you before," Kiyoomi chuckles, raising his arms over his head, looking away from his book… at Atsumu?

"What?" Atsumu just looks at him.

"Come lay with me, stupid."

But there's no space on the couch- oh.

“Yeah, yeah, no, I can, I can do that," Atsumu stumbles over his words. Slowly, he drapes himself over Kiyoomi, as if giving him the chance to change his mind at the last second. Annoyed, Kiyoomi just pulls him down, and continues reading his book, but not before noticing how stiff Atsumu is.

He only gets to flip through a couple of pages before it seriously bothers him. "Atsumu, love, what's wrong? Is something bothering you today?" Kiyoomi questions softly and cradles his face. "Did you pull a muscle or something? Do you want me to give you a massage?"

Atsumu doesn’t know how to answer that without looking any more suspicious, so he just mumbles an agreement of sorts. Without a word, Kiyoomi sits up and grabs atsumu up with him, so that atsumu is now sitting between Kiyoomi’s legs, back pressed up against the other’s chest.

Long, thin fingers dig into his shoulder blades, pushing into the knots that Atusmu didn’t even know were there. He gasps at the touch, the intimacy of it all, the sheer proximity of their bodies is enough to send him soaring. For a second, he even lets himself indulge in it, the domesticity that is not quite his own. As lithe fingers are rubbing his back in a perfect combination of delicate touch and force, he feels himself relax. He lets go of his worries and his fears, watches as they’re drifting away, as his anxiety dissolves with each pat and caress.

He loses track of time, lost in the heaven that is Kiyoomi’s lap and tener touch, completely at his mercy.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Kiyoomi asks and plants a sweet kiss behind his ear. Atsumu considers for a second. It's clear that this Kiyoomi loves and cares about him, so telling him wouldn't be that bad, right? He dwells on that. Even if this Kiyoomi loves Atsumu, it's not him that he loves, it’s a different guy. Older, more mature, obviously a better fit for Kiyoomi than he himself is. Still, this kiyoomi loves Atsumu, and even if it's not him, he would probably help, right?

Atsumu breaths in, gathering courage to tell him what's going on. He opens his mouth to start talking, only to be interrupted by knocks on the front door.

"I'll go get that!" he gets up and walks to the door, cursing himself in his head. Was he really going to tell him? It would make him sound crazy. It is crazy. He can't tell Kiyoomi anything about this situation. The only person he can trust right now is Osamu, and lucky for him he's the person he sees when he opens the door.

"’Samu! Thank god it's you!" Atsumu breathes, relieved to see his brother.

"Hey Kiyoomi! Umeko-chan! Sorry for intruding, but I need to steal this dumbass for a little while-" he stops once he realizes his mistakes. "Shit, wait, no, Umeko, you heard nothing! Kiyoomi please tell me she didn't hear me swear!" he begs, whispering. He made the mistake of swearing in front of her once, and he still shudders when he thinks about the look Kiyoomi gave him. Never in his life did he think he'd be scared of someone this much.

Kiyoomi gets behind Atsumu, hugging him from the back. He gives him a kiss on the cheek, then turns to look at Osamu, who in turn, gulps, terrified.

"You're lucky she's in the other room playing right now and didn't notice, Osamu," he glares at him. The twins look at him, waiting for whatever comes next. "Well, I guess you can borrow him for a bit, although I would appreciate it if you'd let us know next time," he says, the threatening aura still around him. "Kidding, Osamu, I’m not his mother, you can calm down, you’re looking at me like I’m about to murder you. Take him away. Feel free to not return him," he jokes and snorts at Atsumu's pout.

"Like I’d wanna keep him," he scoffs, ignoring Atsumu’s offended huff. "Anyway, thanks, Kiyoomi-kun! And sorry about barging in like that!" he smiles and grabs Atsumu, who yelps in response.

"Uh, bye, Omi! See ya later!" Atsumu shouts as his brother drags him away.

"Sure," Kiyoomi smiles back and goes to close the door. Once alone, Atsumu breaks down, leaning on Osamu.

"I can't, this is too much," he exclaims and sighs, adding a little dramatics to his mannerisms to get his point across.

"C’mon, let’s get going," Osamu pats his back twice and helps him down the stairs.

The car ride to Osamu's apartment is spent in an awkward silence. For once in their lives, the twins don't even know what to say to each other.

Osamu leads them into his apartment. As he opens the door, he tells Atsumu, "Don’t worry, we’re alone, Rin isn't home."

"Didn't know ya were roommates with Sunarin, figured you'd be living alone or something. Goes to show who's the more successful twin," Atsumu smirks and looks around. It's a nice apartment. Clearly, they both live there. So why is Osamu looking at him like that?

"Yeah… roommates… we're very close friends, that's it…" Osamu looks like he's about to burst out laughing.

"What? If ya have something to tell me, spit it out!" he glares at Osamu, the bastard dares to laugh at him.

He looks around for a second and tries to think. His eyes widen when realization strikes him. "You and Sunarin? Really!?" Atsumu yells, half excited, half shocked.

Osamu continues his laughter and shows him his hand. It takes Atsumu a minute to notice a ring on his finger and-

Oh.

"You're married?" Atsumu fans himself, trying to calm down while his useless brother continues hollering.

"Yeah, so I guess ya can say we're pretty close friends-"

"Shut up, ‘Samu! How was I supposed to know?"

"By the way, it's Miyarin now."

"What do you mean, ‘Miyarin’? That's way too many Miyas!"

They continue their bickering for a while. Good to know that some things never change. For the first time since Atsumu woke up, he feels at home.

"Well, as the older brother, I think we should get serious. First of all, what the fuck? What happened, ‘Tsumu?" he asks, and the tone of the conversation shifts.

"Yer not the older one, I'm older by, like, seven minutes," Atsumu mumbles, knowing that this time he's actually wrong.

"Of course, my twenty-something year-old brother, obviously right now you are older than me, a thirty one year-old adult. Of course," he mocks him, and for once, Atsumu can't really argue back. This time travel really isn’t in his favour.

"Whatever, this isn’t the point here, ya gotta help me, ‘Samu! I’m so confused and I don't know what to do or how to get back! This shit is scary! I don't belong here! I need to go back home, this isn’t my life! Out there, somewhere, there’s a much luckier Atsumu, and I'm taking his place. This isn't… right," He looks at Osamu with teary eyes.

The apartment is silent, as both twins seem to be at a loss for words.

"I’m sorry," Atsumu chokes out finally. "I just wanna go home, ‘Samu," he adds, broken.

"I know, ‘Tsumu. I know."

Atsumu feels as the first tear falls, slides down his face and falls to the ground. And then, he breaks. He can't stop crying, and Osamu's hug does help a little, but he still feels so helpless. He’s sobbing uncontrollably and can't seem to stop.

"I’m so scared, ‘Samu. What if I never make it back home? What if I'm stuck here, forever? I'm too young to live as a thirty year old! I'm not ready to be a father!"

Osamu does nothing but stare, for a while. He just stands there, unsure of what he could do that would be the most comforting. Then, Atsumu feels his brother’s arms snake around him, pulling him into an awkward but much needed hug. It’s almost magic, how fast he can stop Atsumu’s cries with just a single hug.

"I just, I can't believe this, y'know?" Atsumu starts rambling, "it's like, why would he like me? Why would he touch me? This isn't real! It can't be real. Om- Sakusa, he- he hates me. At the very least he strongly dislikes me. He doesn’t even hide it, ‘Samu. So why? Why here? Why me?" Atsumu has many questions, all of which go unanswered.

Atsumu continues being a blubbering mess while Osamu hugs him. It feels weird, being this open and vulnerable with his brother, but it's not like it's his first time. They always come to each other for help and comfort.

"I just… I can't believe this. Not when he clearly doesn't want anything to do with me. Why is it affecting me this much?" he murmurs, unable to control his own voice. "I don't care what other people think about me. Never have. So why all of the sudden do I care so much? Too much? I hate this, ‘Samu. I want these feelings to go away."

"Yer one stupid fucking bitch," Osamu declares. He pushes Atsumu away and grabs his face in his hands, squishing Atsumu. He ignores his brother’s offended gasp and continues.

"Have ya not been here the entire time? The man is head over heels in love with you. I watched you two get married. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to, Atsumu. He. Loves. Ya." He stresses, "right now, and in ten years from now, and even when you were twenty-three. I watched it happen. Why is this so hard for you to believe?"

"Well, n-no, I'm just-" he fumbles over his words and averts his gaze, face still squished in his brother’s hands, simply appalled by his brother’s bold words. He lets them sink in while he stares at the floor.

"Stop being yer usual dumbass self and try thinkin’ for once! I know it's hard for ya, but ya can try," he adds, never missing an opportunity to mock his brother. He also flicks his forehead for good measure.

Atsumu yelps, not really able to speak properly with how Osamu is squeezing his face. "I get it, stop squishing me, will ya!" he removes the hands crushing him, but maintains their eye contact. "I get it, I'm stupid and he likes me. But this isn't my Sakusa. That one doesn't like me. So it doesn't matter if this one does," he explains.

"Ya really are stupid, aren't ya?" Atsumu frowns and opens his mouth to talk, but Osamu cuts him before he gets the chance. "No. Listen to me. He likes yer dumb ass back. This is the most ‘yours’ he’s ever been! So what? Just because you’re like, eight years younger, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve this. God, stop denyin’ yourself of good things, this isn’t like you," he tries to reason.

"Ugh, whatever. I don't care. It's fine, I don't care that he doesn't like me or finds me annoying or anything. It's fine, really," Atsumu gives a weak smile. Osamu can tell that he's clearly not fine.

"I forgot how stupid you were. I mean you're still dumb now, but this is on a whole other level," Osamu starts to laugh and Atsumu frowns. He knows he's being pathetic, he doesn't need his dear brother mocking him.

"Ya know, before he asked ya out he called Komori, to get my number from Rin. He was so nervous and he wanted to talk to me to make sure that it was okay," Osamu explains in detail, "it’s not that unrealistic. Get that through yer thick skull. God, I forgot how dramatic you were when we were younger."

Atsumu ignores the jab at his dramatics and stares at Osamu. They hold each other's gaze for a while. Atsumu's eyes widen in realization. "He got yer number just to ask ya if I like him?" his voice cracks a little in disbelief.

"God, yes, glad you finally got it. The man's whipped. I don't know why, but clearly he loves ya. And ya gotta stop being a coward and face yer feelings, asshole."

"Fine, no need for the name calling," Atsumu whines. "Good to know yer still annoyin’ in the future."

Osamu goes to the kitchen to brew some tea, leaving Atsumu alone with his thoughts. He likes Kiyoomi. He knows he does. But he never thought that his feelings would be reciprocated. It's clear to him why anyone would fall for him, really, he's incredibly talented and beautiful. But still, facing the reality that Kiyoomi likes him back is hard. He allowed himself to wallow in his self-pity, entirely consumed by it, to even consider the possibility.

Why is it so hard for him to accept it? Yes, it felt like some sort of a sick joke at the beginning, but it doesn't feel like that anymore. He saw the way Kiyoomi looked at him. Touched him. Loved him. It was starting to maybe, kind of, make sense. He experienced it all, first hand.

Maybe… maybe ending up in the future wasn’t all that bad.

Osamu returns with two cups of tea, to find out a much calm looking Atsumu. "I have to talk to him," he declares after sipping some tea, gaining his confidence back. "He needs to know what's goin’ on. God, he was so worried earlier. Didn't stop askin’ me what's wrong. I gotta tell him."

"Ya sure?" Osamu asks, putting down his cup of tea.

"Yeah. Can ya give me a ride back? Not now, though, I want to think what exactly I'm gonna tell him," Atsumu sighs, and starts to think. What exactly could he tell Kiyoomi that wouldn’t make him sound like a madman?

They finish drinking while making small talk, Atsumu questions him about the future and Osamu tells him what had happened during the past eight years. It’s comforting to know that he’s still got his brother.

"Are ya okay now, ‘Tsumu? Want me to drive ya back?" Osamu offers.

Atsumu’s eyes are much less bloodshot now. In a few minutes you wouldn't even be able to tell he was crying.

"Yeah. Yeah, let’s go."

⸎⸎⸎

 

"Oh, Atsumu, you’re back. How was Osamu’s?" Kiyoomi smiles over at Atsumu, but that smile soon disappears when he sees Atsumu’s serious expression. Before he can get another word in, Atsumu opens his mouth to speak first.

"We need to talk," he declares.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Of course. What’s going on?" Kiyoomi looks genuine, his gaze completely clear of judgment. It actually makes Atsumu gain a little more confidence in what he’s about to tell him.

"This is goin’ to make me sound insane, but I need ya to listen to me till the end, alright?"

Kiyoomi nods, wordlessly. Atsumu takes it as his cue to keep going.

"I am not the man you married. No, wait, that sounds awful. I am a version of the man you married. No, c’mon, uhhhh, I am not your Atsumu. That’s not any better, fuck," he grumbles.

"This sure is making you sound insane, Atsumu," Kiyoomi voices softly.

"I’m just gonna say it. I’m twenty three. I got hit on the head by a very strong serve during practice, and magically ended up here. I don't know why, or how, or how to go back, but I am not the Atsumu you know and love. Sorry," he apologizes.

"Well, I figured something was wrong with you, just didn't expect it to be, well, that," Kiyoomi sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You were acting weird the whole day. I thought something had happened. Well, apparently something did happen."

Atsumu stares at him, mouth gaping. "What? that's it? You’re fine with it, just like that?"

Kiyoomi chuckles and Atsumu pouts.

"Look, it was pretty obvious. You were stiff whenever I touched you, you called me Omi and you were surprised to see Umeko," he explains. Atsumu thought that he did a pretty good job at that, but apparently not.

"Wait, what, ya mean I don't call you Omi? How do I call you, then?"

Kiyoomi blushes and tries to control his smile. "Well, you always call me some cheesy nickname. I was relieved, actually, when you didn't call me your 'sweet little love muffin' or whatever, this morning…" he trails off, clearly embarrassed. "I hate it when you call me that, obviously, but still it was a dead giveaway," he points out.

Now it's Atsumu's turn to laugh. "Sweet little love muffin! Hilarious! Glad to know I'm still good at picking annoying nicknames just for ya!" he ignores Kiyoomi’s glare and continues laughing at him. "Holy shit. Sweet little love muffin. That’s hideous."

"Can we return to the more pressing problem at hand?" Kiyoomi groans, cheeks colored a beautiful shade of red Atsumu can't get enough of. "How do we get you back?"

"Aw, Omi-kun, wanna get rid of me so bad?" Atsumu pokes at him.

"Stop that," Kiyoomi frowns, but is unable to contain the small smile that slips out through his lips. Atsumu beams back at him. "I don’t want to get rid of you, don’t say that. I love you."

Atsumu gives him an uncomfortable look. "See, I’m, like, aware of that, but it’s not me, me you’re married to. It’s some other Atsumu," he says, suddenly dejected.

"What?" Kiyoomi looks at him in utter disbelief. "Atsumu, what makes you think I don’t absolutely adore every single version of you?"

Yet again, Atsumu is overcome by incredible amounts of too many emotions, and hides his face in his palms. Kiyoomi places a hand at the wrist of Atsumu’s arm. "Hey, Atsumu, look at me," he coaxes. Atsumu shakes his head, embarrassed. "Please," Kiyoomi tries again. This time, Atsumu slowly removes his hands to reveal a reddened face.

A hand reaches for Atsumu’s face, but doesn't quite get there, as if asking for permission. Atsumu nods, picking up on it, and Kiyoomi cups his cheek, his thumb smoothes along the line of his cheekbone.

"Maybe ya do, but the Kiyoomi I know is avoiding me. He dislikes me, no, scratch that, I’m pretty sure he hates me. I just can't see how ya can be the same person, when the Kiyoomi I know does nothin’ but flinchin’ away."

Kiyoomi looks visibly confused. "Atsumu, I never avoided you, not once in my life. Well, besides our teenage years and when I first joined the team." That statement leaves Atsumu confused as well.

"What do ya mean ya don't ignore me? You've been ignoring me the entire week at least! I don't know if yer memory sucks because yer old, but I clearly remember that this whole week ya walked away whenever I tried to talk to ya, and ya didn’t even look at me! What is that if not avoidin’, Sakusa?" he asks, letting venom leak through his clenched teeth, into his voice.

Kiyoomi takes a step back, an emotion atsumu can’t quite figure out settles on his face. "Don’t call me that, please," and, oh no, that’s pain in his voice. Atsumu hurt him. "You can call me Omi, or Kiyoomi, or any curse word that comes to mind, but please, don’t call me that. That’s not my name."

Atsumu is hit with a big wave of regret. In all of this, the last thing he wanted was to hurt Kiyoomi. "I'm sorry, Kiyoomi…" Atsumu almost whispers, feeling his eyes water up.

"Can I touch you?" Kiyoomi asks in a soft voice. Once Atsumu nods he crosses the small distance between them in a few steps and pulls him into a warm embrace.

"Can you tell me about it, if you don’t mind? I might be able to explain my past actions to you, I don’t want you to feel like this," he offers.

Atsumu nods against Kiyoomi’s chest. "Uh, where to start? In a week or so we have that big match, the one against your cousin. It’s not really that big, we just really wanna beat them. You haven’t been practicing with me, almost at all. You got me hit in the face with a volleyball, I passed out and all, now I’m here."

"Oh, crap."

"What? What do you remember?"

"It’s kind of embarrassing to think about it, now, but I think I know what you’re talking about," he trails off, taking a deep breath. "I think you’re referring to the week I was getting ready to confess to you. You got hit with a volleyball ad passed out for a little, and when you woke up you confessed to me, immediately after. The reason I was avoiding you was because I was getting ready to ask you out."

Atsumu is even more confused. "What do ya mean ask me out? Ya were avoiding me," he steps back to look Kiyoomi in his eyes. "What? Yer scared? Nervous?"

Kiyoomi rolls his eyes. "Yes, Atsumu. God, I thought it was clear. I was so nervous. I wanted everything to go perfectly, as much as I could control, at least," he sighs. "So yes, I was nervous and avoiding you a little," he confesses, his face going a light red, "Happy?"

Atsumu bursts out laughing and Kiyoomi frowns. "I can't believe it! Ya were nervous!" Atsumu continues chuckling until he calms down.

"Okay, I get it. I was young and kind of stupid, and avoiding you wasn't the best idea I could come up with. Got it all out of your system?" he complains, embarrassed that he had to reveal such a private memory.

Atsumu laughs again, light and happy, his lips stretching into a big grin. He reaches towards Kiyoomi’s face with one hand, slowly, waiting for Kiyoomi to meet him halfway. Kiyoomi leans into his palm, a small smile on his lips, cheeks still red. "Y’know what? That’s actually kinda sweet of you."

They chuckle, holding each other. "Kiyoomi…" Atsumu mutters softly, "can I kiss you?"

Kiyoomi’s eyes glimmer, his smile widening. "Yes."

They don’t rush it. Atsumu’s eyes flicker down from Kiyoomi’s eyes onto his lips. They lean in, meeting halfway, eyes closed. It’s a simple kiss. Short, sweet. Not much in it, but somehow there’s everything in it. Months’ worth of repressed emotion seeping out into the kiss.

Atsumu chuckles and hugs Kiyoomi, breathing in his scent. This is nice, he thinks, as he closes his eyes, letting himself melt into the hug. There's a sharp pain building in his head, but he tries to ignore it and stay in the moment.

⸎⸎⸎

 

Atsumu's head hurts. He slowly tries to open his eyes, blinking away any remnants of unconsciousness. He looks around. Where is he? The last thing he remembers is getting hit in the head. Huh, that must be the reason why his head is like that. He rubs his eyes, oh, he's in the infirmary. Wasn't he at the gym a few seconds ago?

He sits up and stretches, his limbs feeling heavy. The nurse must have seen him move because she hurries out of the room, and comes back with one very worried Sakusa Kiyoomi. "How are you?" he asks hesitantly.

Atsumu’s heart skips a beat. Of all people, he didn’t expect Kiyoomi to be the one who he sees as soon as he wakes up. He smiles at him. "Hey," he says.

"Don’t you ‘hey’ me, Atsumu," he glares, and there’s concern in his voice, but all Atsumu can think of is how his name sounds, just rolling off of Kiyoomi’s tongue, all warm and familiar. He’s struck with a deep, pleasant feeling in his chest.

"I'm fine, Omi, really."

"No, you're not. You hit your head," Kiyoomi frowns. "Stop being so careless, Atsumu. How did that even happen?"

There it is again, Kiyoomi saying his name, so blissfully unaware of the butterflies that that creates in his heart. Atsumu doesn't even think of answering his question.

Atsumu isn't sure why, but he feels more courageous than he was before. He wants to confess his feelings. He feels so confident, like he knows it will go well. He’s not so sure where that came from, but he isn’t complaining. Maybe an infirmary isn't the best place though, he thinks as he remembers where they are. Not very romantic.

"Omi, mind going outside with me for a sec?" he asks, hopeful and a little nervous.

"Sure," Kiyoomi replies, a bit hesitant, and offers his hand to help him stand up. Atsumu doesn't need it, but he's taking it anyway.

He doesn't let go once he gets up, and Kiyoomi doesn't seem to mind, Atsumu just smiles softly and leads them outside. The sun blinds him for a moment, as he gets used to its light slipping through the clouds.

He takes Kiyoomi to a nearby park, still holding his hand. They stand underneath a tall tree. Atsumu takes in a deep breath, trying to calm down. This is it. He's going to tell Kiyoomi how he feels. He's not sure why, but he has a strong gut feeling that his feelings will be reciprocated.

"I think it’s better if I just say it. I’m not gonna beat around the bush, Omi, I like ya. Have for a while now. I just felt like I had to tell ya. To get it off my chest, maybe ask ya out," he chuckles awkwardly. Kiyoomi doesn’t say anything, his eyes widen and his mouth slightly open in shock.

"Omi?"

"What the hell, Atsumu?"

Atsumu’s smile falls off his face. He didn't expect to be rejected this quickly and badly. He was so sure that Kiyoomi feels the same-

"No no no, not like that!" Kiyoomi quickly tries to fix his statement, seeing the look on Atsumu's face. "I was planning to confess to you. I had the whole thing planned out. I'm just a little disappointed that you beat me to it."

Atsumu lets out a huge sigh of relief. "Gods, Omi, ya gotta work on yer social skills," he laughs his nerves away. "Ya gave me a good scare right there, who starts a confession like that?" he laughs, glad to know that he's feelings are reciprocated. "So, do ya want to go grab lunch or something?" Atsumu asks, trying to sound casual.

Kiyoomi chuckles. "Yeah, I’d love to."

Atsumu is basically vibrating in thinly-veiled excitement. Kiyoomi probably takes notice of that, because he places both hands on Atsumu’s shoulders, to try and calm him down and ground him.

Atsumu still can’t stop smiling. "Can I- can I kiss you?" he asks softly. Kiyoomi nods, and Atsumu places a peck on his cheek.

"Is that what you consider to be a kiss, Atsumu?" Kiyoomi taunts. "Try again."

Atsumu, embarrassed, covers his face with both palms and shuts his eyes, he’s overwhelmed by many different emotions. He feels one of kiyoomi’s hands leave his shoulders, instead taking a hold on his wrist. Gently, Kiyoomi removes Atsumu’s hands from his face, but his eyes stay shut.

"Atsumu," Kiyoomi says, with his hand now caressing Atsumu’s face. Atsumu’s eyes are still shut. "Atsumu," he tries again, "I’m going to kiss you, now."

Kiyoomi leans down and softly plants a sweet and gentle kiss on Atsumu’s lips. He straightens up, still holding Atsumu’s face. When they pull away, Atsumu finally opens his eyes. They smile at each other, and Atsumu leans up on his toes to give him another quick peck.

"So, do you have any place in mind?" Kiyoomi asks.

"Well, there's a place a few blocks from here, ‘Samu said the food there is really good," Atsumu begins to ramble. They walk to the restaurant together, hand in hand, smiling so hard at each other their cheeks hurt.

Atsumu is looking at Kiyoomi. It's all he's been doing lately. Only this time around, Kiyoomi looks back at him, hand clasped in hand, and a smile that could rival the sun.

Notes:

thank you so much for reading!
we actually had a lot of fun writing this togther and we're super excited to finally post it!

we hope you enjoyed!