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death of a bachelor (hopefully not)

Summary:

Childe barges into the funeral parlor, clearly sweating and anxious.

Work Text:

Childe barges into the funeral parlor, clearly sweating and anxious. "I LOST MY RING." He exclaims at Zhongli, who looks down at his hands, still finding the two rings on his pinkies, and raises an eyebrow.

"But you still have your old accessories?"

"MY ENGAGEMENT RING." He stresses.

"Oh," Zhongli blinks. This was news to him. "Congratulations on the engagement... you lost your ring?" He asks when it finally hits him.

"YES. Now either you're going to help me find it or I'm uninviting you to our wedding." Childe hisses.

"I'm invited?" Zhongli says, touched.

"My beloved could not NOT invite you, now are you going to help me or not?!"

"Would it not be best to ask Miss Lumine? She's far better at finding lost items." Zhongli suggests and Childe turns pale.

"Zhongli... buddy... who do YOU think I would ever marry if it's not the girl who can kick my ass to kingdom come AND still agreed to marry me?"

"Ah, I see," Zhongli's been wondering when the two would stop dancing around each other. "Are you scared to face her wrath?"

"Wouldn't you in my shoes?"

"That is a fair point," He takes a sip of his tea. "Let us set up a contract. What will you offer in exchange for my aid?"

"You get to be my best man and I'll make sure to remove all seafood entrees from the banquet," Childe states with no hesitation.

"I can accept that," Zhongli agrees and Childe only looks a TINY bit relieved.

"Good. Now let's go before my soon-to-maybe-not-even-be wife finds out and gives me a fate worse than death." Childe hurriedly says, rushing them both out of the parlor.

"Surely Miss Lumine would never—"

"She'll castrate me," Childe interrupts.

"She would," Zhongli nods in agreement. "Let us go find your ring, my friend." Childe lets out a tiny wail.

They do end up finding his ring. It was eaten by a slime. It was recovered, much to Childe's immense relief and thankfully, Lumine never found out.

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