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“The hell are you doing, Monitsu?!” Inosuke shouted as he watched Zenitsu’s shoulders tense, not moving from where he was kneeling on the ground. His sword slips out of his hand and clanks against the floor with a sound that resonates throughout the small room.
Zenitsu inhaled shaky before answering with,
“J-Just polishing my sword. Go back to sleep,” Zenitsu reaches for his sword again, blood dripping down his arm and onto the handle.
“Like hell I’m leaving!” Inosuke said as he marched over to the blonde. Zenitsu, hearing his approach, looked back at Inosuke afraid. He scrambled to grab his sword and tried to pull himself away from Inosuke after he had grabbed him by the shoulders.
“No! Stop, let me go!” Zenitsu shouted as he fought against the other. He knew he’d lose, but he still tried.
He should have heard him coming sooner. But he was so lost in his thoughts that he heard Inosuke approaching his room too late to cover everything. And now he was caught literally red-handed, right in the middle of it.
Zenitsu curled into himself in an attempt to shield his arms from Inosuke and prevent him from taking his sword. He groaned as he fought the other, trying to shake him off with his shoulders. He screamed when Inosuke had grabbed him by one of his wrists and dropped his sword. Inosuke was quick to grab it and froze when he saw the dark, crimson liquid staining his fingers.
Inosuke stared at his hand for a moment before looking up at Zenitsu. He was gently rocking himself while whimpering, clutching the arm Inosuke had roughly grabbed earlier. Inosuke slid the sword across the floor, away from the pair, before reaching out to Zenitsu.
“Zen?” Inosuke questioned, placing his hand on his shoulder. Zenitsu flinched away from his touch.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” He shouted, sobbing. Inosuke glanced over the other’s shoulder. His eyes widened as realization washed over him.
Inosuke had a feeling he knew what Zenitsu had been doing as soon as he walked into the room, but he wasn’t sure. Now, he was absolutely positive. Still, that didn’t stop him from asking,
“What did you do to yourself…?”
“I-” Zenitsu mumbled, cutting himself with another sob. Inosuke moved from where he was behind the other and crouched in front of him. He looked down and felt sick at the sight that greeted him.
Numerous cuts, all disgustingly uniformed, littered both of Zenitsu’s arms. Among those fresh cuts were ones that were scabbed over -- most likely being a few days/weeks old -- along with other thin scars that ran up past his robe’s sleeves and higher up his arms. Much of his blood had dripped down to the palms of his hands and stained the sleeves of his orange robe.
Blood was something that normally didn’t phase him. In fact, he enjoyed seeing it when he fought. But the fact that this was a friend’s blood, Zenitsu’s blood, revolted him.
Inosuke reached out his hands, unsure of what to do for a moment, before taking the other’s hands into his own with a surprising amount of gentleness. Inosuke rubbed his palms with his thumbs in an attempt to be comforting, smearing the blood around some in the process.
Zenitsu continued to cry, although he did hold himself back knowing that Tanjiro and Nezuko were currently sleeping somewhere else in the Wisteria house.
“I-I’m sorry,” Zenitsu whispered, rubbing his tears away with one of his bloody hands. “I tried to stop myself, I really did, but I just…I couldn’t…” He covered his mouth with his hands, muffling the next wave of sobs that were sure to come. He cried into his hands, shoulders shaking as Inosuke sat there, still unsure of what to do to help.
After it seemed the worst of it had passed, Inosuke scooted closer to the other and wrapped his arms around him, pressing the other close to him. Zenitsu froze for a moment, mind buffering, before he slowly returned the hug, wrapping his mangled, bloodied arms around Inosuke’s back.
Inosuke grimaced as he felt the warm liquid stain the skin on his back but didn’t say anything about it. He simply held the other in his arms, feeling his warm tears fall on his bare shoulders.
“Why?” Inosuke asked after a minute, “Why the hell would you do this to yourself?” He added harshly, fighting back tears of his own.
“I’m sorry…” Zenitsu whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
That only angered Inosuke.
“Sorry? You’re sorry!?” He shouted, pulling away from the embrace, “I don’t care that you’re sorry; All I want to know is why. Why on the fucking Earth would you do this?” He added, finally letting the tears fall from his eyes.
Normally he hated crying, especially in front of other people, but this time didn’t feel as bad as the others; He didn’t feel ashamed of himself.
Zenitsu cupped his face with his hands before answering him.
“S-Sometimes, I just…I get so overwhelmed. Everything’s just so loud all the time that nothing else helps me.” Zenitsu explained, looking away from the other, “The feeling of my sword cutting through flesh, my flesh, is unbelievably nice. Just listening to the sound of my blood, dripping down my arm and onto the ground, it’s so comforting to me.” He said, smiling to himself while rubbing over the cuts with his fingers.
“I deserve this, all of this. If there’s anyone I hate the most in the world, it’s myself. I’m not one for pain, but the feeling of my blade cutting though my flesh is just-it’s so…” Zenitsu rambled on before being cut off by Inosuke.
“Don’t,” He said, prying the other’s fingers away from the cuts, “Don’t even finish that thought.” He growled, rubbing roughly at his tear stained face.
“Don’t you EVER say that you deserve to be in pain, because you don’t. You deserve nothing but the absolute best from the world, you hear me?” Inosuke said, cupping Zentisu’s blood stained face, “And if you ever need a break from all the noise then come to me, damnit!”
“You’re the exact opposite of quiet,” Zenitsu pointed out.
“Then I’ll be quiet for you! Just-I’ll do anything for you to make sure you don’t do this to yourself again!” Inosuke shouted, hands never leaving the blonde’s face, “Please don’t do this to yourself anymore.” He begged.
Zenitsu looked away, not pulling away from the other’s hold though, and sighed.
“I-I’m gonna be honest, I can’t promise that I won’t again.” Zenitsu admitted, ashamed. Inosuke sneered.
“And why the hell not! Huh?!” Inosuke shouted, shaking the other by his shoulders, “Why is that such a hard thing to ask?! Not to hurt yourself!”
“You wouldn’t understand!” Zenitsu shouted back.
Inosuke really doesn’t understand, but he would still try to for Zenitsu.
“Then explain it to me!” Inosuke rebutted and stopped shaking the blonde. Zenitsu opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to find the perfect words to explain why, but all speech failed him in that moment.
“I…I don’t know,” He choked out, “I don’t know h-how to explain it. This feeling of self destruction is just so…addicting.”
Inosuke bit his lip in anger, tasting his blood on his tongue, before releasing Zenitsu completely. Zenitsu looked at him confused before Inosuke spoke.
“Whatever, just…come with me,” He said, gently but firmly grabbing the blonde’s hand.
“Where’re we going?” Zenitsu asked, following the other.
“Outside. To the stream,” Inosuke said, opening the door to the outdoors.
“But it’s the middle of the night!” Zenitsu shrieked, grabbing onto the door frame to stop their walking. Inosuke looks back at him irritated saying,
“I’m not gonna argue with you on this. Let’s go.”
Zenitsu hesitantly let go of the door frame, glad that none of his blood was left on it, and continued to let himself be led by Inosuke. When they reached the small stream that was next to the Wisteria house Inosuke knelt down in front of it, Zenitsu doing the same.
“Hands,” Inosuke said, holding his hands out at the other. Zenitsu placed his hands in his and Inosuke pulled them down and into the water. Zenitsu hissed at the water making contact with his open cuts, but didn’t say or do anything otherwise. He knew they needed to be cleaned. Zenitsu whimpered as he watched the once clear water turn a light red color around his arms and felt somewhat bad about ruining the water.
“Please tell me when things are getting loud for you,” Inosuke whispered, not looking over at Zenitsu, “I’ll tell the others you have a headache, to quiet down, just- Please come to me instead of doing this to yourself.” He said, squeezing his eyes shut trying to will his tears to stop. It didn’t work.
Zenitsu wanted so badly to reach out and cup his cheek, to wipe his tears aways, but the grip on his hands wasn’t going to let him. He instead opted for rubbing the other’s hands with his thumbs in a way he hoped was comforting.
“I-I’m sorr-” Zenitsu tried to say before being cut off again.
“STOP SAYING THAT!” Inosuke yelled, looking at Zenitsu with puffy, tear stained eyes. These were the same bright green eyes that once held nothing but pure bliss with some anger; Now they seemed almost dull, sorrow and another emotion that wasn’t quite pity being the only things in them.
“Stop apologizing,” He specified, running his hands gently across the delicate skin of Zenitsu’s arms. He winced at the burn it caused, but didn’t do anything to stop him.
He couldn’t help apologizing. Gramps had caught him cutting once when he was still training with him and he had been beaten for it. Zenitsu hadn’t been able to do anything but apologize for what he did, and he was so afraid that Inosuke was going to hit him that he just kept mumbling out apologies, hoping that would soften the punishment.
“Sorry,” Zenitsu said without thinking.
“Shut up,” Inosuke said, continuing to clean his arms, “Don’t say anything else, just listen to me.” Zenitsu stayed silent.
“I’m not good with words, you know this, but I’m gonna try anyways,” Inosuke said. He took a deep breath before continuing,
“I don’t know why you would do this to yourself, but I do know this: You don’t deserve this. Nothing in your life should ever make you feel like hurting yourself, especially like this,” He pulled the blonde’s arms out of the water for emphasis before placing them back in, “I want to be there for you. When you feel like giving up, I want to be the one to encourage you to keep going. I don’t want you to leave me. I want you to learn to love yourself.”
Inosuke swallowed thickly. He released Zenitsu’s hands and lifted his own out of the water, cupping the other’s face with a wet palm.
“I…I love you…” Inosuke confessed, rubbing the blood off of Zenitsu’s cheek with his damp thumb. Zenitsu felt his eyes water as the realization hit him.
For almost a year now, Zenitsu has been trying to pin his feelings for Inosuke. He had been stuck somewhere between admiration, appreciation, and fondness, but none of those quite described how exactly he felt about the other.
Is it love? All this time he spent trying to determine his “complicated” feelings for the dark-haired boy, could it be as simply as love? Did he love Inosuke...?
Yes
Zenitsu lifted his hands out of the water and held Inosuke’s arm with one hand and cupped his face with the other.
“I l-love you too,” He stuttered. Inosuke wasted no time in closing the distance between the two and kissing the other.
Zenitsu had never kissed a boy before. He’d never kissed anybody for that matter. He fantasized about both, but he could have never imagined the bliss that came from Inosuke pressing his warm, chapped lips to his equally as chapped ones. It was almost shocking how such a gentle gesture could come from such a brash person, but Zenitsu wasn’t going to say anything.
This felt so right. The feeling of being this close to Inosuke, pressed into the almost unbearable heat of the other’s body. Zenitsu felt like he was going to cry again.
And he did.
Inosuke held him tighter when he felt the warm tears from the other on his cheek, never pulling away from the other.
Zenitsu’s lips felt awfully cold. Inosuke supposed that was because of the blood loss, and the thought made him feel a little sick.
Inosuke only pulled away from the other when Zenitsu started to pat his chest gently, telling him he couldn’t breath. Inosuke looked into Zenitsu’s eyes, calm copper meeting bright green ones, and smiled a smile that was uncharacteristically gentle.
“You’re beautiful,” Inosuke whispered, running his hand through the other’s thick, blonde hair. Zenitsu’s face burned and he had to look away from the other.
“I’m really not,” He mumbled, “You don’t need to lie to me.”
“When have I ever lied before?” Inosuke asked, tilting the other’s face towards his, forcing the blonde to look at him. Zenitsu remained quiet. He had a point; Inosuke had never lied to him or the others in their little group for that matter.
“You mind getting my back?” Inosuke asked, breaking away from the other’s grasp and pointing to his back. It was only then did Zenitsu notice the patches of dried blood on the other’s back and felt bad about it.
“Yeah, so-” Zenitsu stuttered before being stopped.
“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Inosuke said, turning away from the blonde, “Just help me out.”
Zenitsu smiled before dipping his hands in the water and using them to wipe the blood off of Inosuke’s back. Inosuke flinched at the coldness of the water but didn’t do anything to stop the other. After his back was clean, Inosuke shook off some of the water and stood up, stretching. Inosuke grabbed Zenitsu's hand and helped him up, making sure he was steady before leading him back inside.
“Let’s get you covered,” Inosuke said, walking the two back to the room they shared with Tanjiro and Nezuko, “Wait here.” He whispered and silently snuck into the room.
Not even a minute later he returned holding a fresh wrap of bandages along with a small towel and adherent.
“Let’s go, they’re still asleep,” Inosuke whispered while dragging the blonde with him to the room they were previously in. It was a spare guest room that had one futon that was still untouched despite the events that transpired earlier.
As they entered the room, Zenitsu’s eyes couldn’t help but rest on his sword that was discarded off to the side of the door, his blood still staining the handle. He didn’t say anything of it, instead he knelt down in front of Inosuke. Inosuke set down what he was carrying before holding his hand out expectantly. Zenitsu placed his hand in the other’s and allowed his arm to be dried off.
It hurt, of course, yet he didn’t mind the pain this time. The room was completely silent, the only sound being that of Inosuke unraveling the bandages and covering the other’s arms in the soft fabric.
“There,” Inosuke said, pinning the bandages in place and gently patting them, “All better.”
He didn’t feel all better.
Zenitsu rubbed at his eyes tired before shifting to get up.
“Why don’t we just stay here tonight?” Inosuke suggested, grabbing Zenitsu’s hand and pulling him back down. Zenitsu thought about it for a moment before agreeing and settling into the futon with Inosuke for the night.
Inosuke’s body was almost unbearably hot against Zenitsu’s much cooler skin, yet he didn’t want to pull away from the embrace they were sharing under the covers. For once in his life, he felt truly safe, truly loved by another individual.
Zenitsu had spent his whole life being hated by the people around him and, in turn, begun to hate himself. The closest thing to family he had was Gramps, but even that relationship seemed strained at times.
Now he felt nothing but warmth and love for the other slayer whose arms he was tangled in.
Zenitsu was about to fall asleep when he felt a pair of warm lips kiss his forehead and a raspy, yet quiet, voice say,
“I love you…Zenitsu.”
Zenitsu smiled and almost drifted to sleep when the realization hit him. He gasped before sitting up and hitting Inosuke on his upper arm.
“I knew it!” He shouted, face red, “I knew you knew our actual names!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zenitsu and Inosuke woke up the next morning to a knock at the door. The old lady housekeeper told the boys that breakfast was ready for them all. They joined Tanjiro for breakfast.
“There you two are,” Tanjiro said after the pair walked into their shared room, “I got a bit worried when I woke up and you two were gone.”
“Yeah, sorry. Monitsu over here needed some help,” Inosuke said, sitting down with Tanjiro. Zenitsu followed suit.
“What did you need help with?” Tanjiro asked Zenitsu. The blonde looked away, unsure of what to say.
“Don’t worry about it. I took care of him-it.” Inosuke butted in, noticing Zenitsu’s discomfort.
“Alright then,” Tanjiro said, not forcing the question anymore.
The three had a quiet conversation while eating their breakfast. It was surprisingly peaceful, and the conversation was kept light. That is until Tanjiro started smelling something. With a stern look on his face, Tanjiro stared at Zenitsu, making the blonde nervous.
“Zenitsu,” Tanjiro said seriously, “Are you injured?” He asked.
The blonde sweat nervously, fiddling with the end of his sleeve subconsciously. He remained silent.
“I smell blood,” Tanjiro continued, “On you.”
“Ugh, that’s what he needed help with,” Inosuke said quickly, grabbing one of Zenitsu’s arms and holding it up so that Tanjiro could see the bandages. Zenitsu began to panic before Inosuke continued.
“He injured his arm on our last mission and dumbass here didn’t want to admit it,” Inosuke said, ‘annoyed’ before releasing the other’s arm.
“Oh. Why didn’t you just tell us?” Tanjiro asked. Zenitsu picked at the wrappings on the arm Inosuke had lifted up before answering.
“I…I was embarrassed,” He admitted, which wasn’t entirely wrong.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about when you get injured on a mission,” Tanjiro said with a small, soft smile, “It happens to the best of us!” He added with a laugh. Zenitsu smiled at that before beginning to eat, much like Inosuke was doing.
“Oh, and one more thing,” Tanjiro said while taking a quick bite of his tempura. Both Inosuke and Zenitsu looked up at him.
“Did you two spend the night together? Like… together together.” Tanjiro asked. The two tensed up, “I can smell you two on the other.” He explained, pointing his chopsticks back and forth at them.
“I…I-um…” Zenitsu stuttered out, trying to come up with a believable excuse.
“We sure did!” Inosuke said, placing his hands on his hips and puffing his chest out, “And we’re gonna do it again.” He added proudly.
“Oh…” Tanjiro said, somewhat shocked at Inosuke’s bluntness.
“And you know what, Gonpachiro? This little cutie is mine.” Inosuke said, wrapping an arm around Zenitsu’s shoulders and pulling him close to him.
“Ino-” Zenitsu tried to say before being cut off by the warm breath on his neck. He gasped quietly at the feeling and his breathing stuttered for a moment.
“Mhh, all mine ,” Inosuke repeated, pressing his face into the back of the blonde’s neck and kissing him there. Zenitsu laughed lightly before cutting himself off.
“INOSUKE!” He shouted, face red.
Zenitsu had never felt more embarrassed, but at the same time, he didn’t want this to end.