Chapter Text
It was kind of like waking from a bad dream and Wen Ning had had enough of those to know the feeling intimately. He was floating … somewhere if this somewhere even had a name. It would be disconcerting if he had any more awareness than he did. It was warm and soft, and Wen Ning curled himself into it willingly. There was black and white, diametrically opposed yet … never more perfect together.
Pressure brought him to more awareness although he wasn’t sure if it was imagined or not. Until suddenly it wasn’t, and his gasp was more motion than air. He wasn’t even sure where hurt the most as flares spiraled through him touching places he didn’t remember existed. A painful weight settling in his chest, pushing up and down at the same time. It was nothing and everything, nowhere and everywhere, too much and not enough.
It drew a whine out of him, pulling it all the way up from his toes. It was a thin sound, and didn’t match at all how he felt although, he didn’t know if he could describe that past pain. It ebbed, the fading only bringing slight relief when he knew it would be back.
Pain crashed back into him like a boulder. His body seized, trying to make sense of all the signals it was getting. Something sat on him, and all his attention was focused on making sure his chest rose and fell. The action was something he remembered but hadn’t done in so long. Who knew one could forget how to breathe?
Wait? Breathe?
Wen Ning pulled more air, startling himself into pause. His lungs reminded him sharply of what he needed, and his next breath was greeted almost too enthusiastically.
The steady thump, thump, thump told him why his lungs suddenly decided to work. Connecting the two together took far longer than it should have. Pressure moved gently along the top of his head. At least he knew where that was now. It was so ghostly familiar that Wen Ning eased into it, feeling contentment overtake the slowly fading sparks of pain.
The pressure was a hand in his hair. A voice accompanied it. Words weren’t audible but he knew the tone and cadence. Wen Ning would know them anywhere. He was on a bed, the feel of rough cotton brushing against his skin. There was still too much pressure and not enough release, but Wen Qing was there, and he allowed that to soothe.
He continued to go in and out of consciousness, or what little he’d managed, and each time Wen Qing was there, threading her fingers in his hair and speaking to him softly. There were others too that he didn’t recognise though they were few and far between.
When Wen Ning did blink into full awareness the sun was rising and the room was still cast in the pre-morning glow. Wen Qing was there, asleep on a chair beside his bed. People, animals, and the general noise of life could be heard through the window, open to let in the breeze. Wen Qing stirred, mumbled something, turned in her chair and settled again. Dark circles hung under her eyes, and a pang of guilt stung Wen Ning’s chest. This was his fault. Why he didn’t know, but Wen Qing never got that look if it didn’t involve him. He didn’t understand why she did so much for him.
Sitting up was odd in many ways, all because air pulled itself into his lungs and a heartbeat felt odd against his ribs. More painful than he remembered. This room was familiar in the way a bad memory was. As if sensing his gaze Wen Qing jolt awake and focus on him instantly. “Wen Ning! Breathe.”
Never able to refuse a direct request, Wen Ning breathed, pulling in a large lungful of air. So large it hurt. When Wen Qing seemed satisfied, he’d breathe on his own she sat back, watching him as she would a volatile patient.
It took him several attempts to make his voice work. “What happened?”
“You almost died.”
Wen Ning blinked at her slowly. Hadn’t he? “Oh.”
“Oh indeed.” Wen Qing sighed and rubbed a hand down her face, showing a vulnerability reserved for solitude or extremely distressing situations. Wen Ning hated being the cause.
“I’m sorry.”
She looked up at him with a gauging expression. He was four, getting scolded for not standing up for himself. After his sister had beat up the bullies of course. Always there when he needed her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, choking it past tears. “I’m really, really sorry.” He felt too much at once. New and old things mingling to confuse his already overloaded senses. His room was standing, but he’d seen it destroyed. It was almost like he had the memories of another stuffed along side his own. They were his though. Another him? Another life? There were impressions of things threatening to overwhelm him, but he immediately turned his attention away when the impressions culminated in pain and death. A sharp memory of her death threatened to drag him from whatever stasis he’d achieved.
Wen Qing’s voice dragged him from them, and he clung to her like he’d die if he let go. She didn’t say anything, but that alone let Wen Ning know she was extremely worried. Her arms reciprocated the gesture anyway. Everything ached, like it did after he’d run a high fever. That would explain how out of it he was, and he assumed the almost dying explained the rest. He was no stranger to fevers, or sickness in general, it was just usually milder. Not having his sister glare at him with concern was telling.
“Sorry,” he said again, not sure how to make the situation less awful.
“You promised to tell me when it got bad.”
It was like listening to a memory you’d forgotten until that moment. “I…sorry.”
“Don’t ever do that to me again. I’m keeping you here.”
An instinct rebelled. Anger gripped so hard he choked on it. An inhuman growl escaped before he could stop it, startling everyone. Wen Qing frowned. The feeling passed, and Wen Ning looked up at her in panic. He’d wanted to rip her throat out in the most violent way possible. Momentary and fleeting. So undiluted and sincere it could only have been his. What could have possibly induced him to do that. Blood made him anxious, and the mere thought of hurting someone made his nauseous.
“Sleep. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
Wen Ning nodded, suddenly afraid of himself. He’d never hurt anyone in his life but got the feeling that wasn’t going to be true much longer.
Dreams were his companions for the next few days. Mostly pain and anger and atrocities he didn’t remember upon waking. He always woke up gasping, a name on his lips that was achingly out of reach. It got to the point where Wen Ning didn’t sleep. Sleep only brought nightmares, and even the ones he’d created himself as a child couldn’t compare to the ones now. He tried to hide it from Wen Qing, but he never could hide anything from her, and it wasn’t even three nights in before she noticed.
“Tell me.” She loomed at the end of Wen Ning’s bed, arms crossed.
“Nightmares,” Wen Ning said immediately, wondering why he’d thought handling them by himself was a good idea. Handling anything by himself was never a good idea. She gave him her signature disappointed look, and Wen Ning felt dutifully chastened. Things were always better when Wen Qing knew. She always knew everything anyway so there wasn’t any reason to try hiding something. He wasn’t even sure why he hadn’t told her.
After a rather long look, detailing everything Wen Ning needed to improve on, Wen Qing left, returning several minutes later with the same sleeping aid she’d given him as a child. He drank it, went to sleep, and woke up the next day feeling better. The dreams had been happy at least, and while he wondered at them happening at all, he could confidently say he was fine the next time Wen Qing asked.
Life was normal after that. It was three weeks before Wen Qing stopped looking at him like he might spontaneously combust or something equally as horrible. Returning to work was a nice change of pace, and he was surprised to receive such warm welcomes from the staff. They always found some reason to come and congratulate him on getting better and express their gladness that he was with them again. No one had ever been that happy to see him before.
Wen Qing gave him one of her ‘I can’t believe you right now’ huffs when he stared after a particularly exuberant display of relief and pleasure from someone he didn’t remember ever knowing. Whether Wen Qing said something, or they got it out of there system, or, by some strange happening, they perceived Wen Ning’s uncomfortableness with the situation, the congratulations and wishes for his health stopped.
The greeting’s, however, continued and Wen Ning wasn’t sure why. Had he just not noticed before? He can remember nodding to several on the few occasions he encountered someone outside of the clinic, but that was it. It eventually got to the point where Wen Ning didn’t want to go anywhere because he was afraid, he’d be accosted by warm, friendly, non hostile greetings.
Wen Qing laughed and pulled him out anyway.
Things did eventually calm down, but it left Wen Ning much more aware of the goings on in the compound and found the servants more than happy to talk to him if he showed even the slightest interest. It was disarming and gratifying. It also left his chest aching, which he often rubbed at absently. Wen Qing caught him at it once with a frown and he stopped self-consciously. Then noticed the frown wasn’t all for him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” was her immediate response. The pestle clanged against the side on the bowl
Wen Ning placed the herb he was sorting down beside him on the table. He let her stew in whatever problem she was while he gathered his courage. Something told him this was important. “What’s wrong?” he asked again, turning himself to face her fully. It was not often he dug.
It was silent between them for almost half an hour before Wen Qing sighed and placed her pestle down. “I’m being sent to the Cloud Recesses to spy for Uncle.” At the mention of Cloud Recesses, Wen Ning’s heart began to beat faster. “I can not go against his order, but I can’t leave you alone either.”
“I can take care of myself,” he said. That was the exact opposite of what he wanted to say, even if he didn’t know why. Wen Qing laughed, not unkindly, but with more sharpness than usual. He knew exactly what her next look was for, but decided to not look away, which caused a moment of surprise in Wen Qing.
She rallied, as always, and said, “I am not leaving you here alone.”
“You’ve done it before.” Why couldn’t he keep his stupid mouth shut.
She frowned looking him over. “Why are you so insistent on being left here? Is there something I don’t know about?”
Yes, his brain supplied though his mouth said, “When has there ever been something you didn’t know.”
She stared at him, finger tapping steadily against the table. The evening was quieter than normal, the light beginning to fade from the sky casting sharp shadows against Wen Qing’s face. A sudden and overwhelming urge to hug his sister and never let go came and went so quickly he was halfway through his first step before he realized what he was doing. He coughed on nothing, and Wen Qing’s arms met him halfway. He stared, trying to memorize his sister’s face for some reason he couldn’t quantify, watching as the press of her lips went from concerned to decided.
“You’re coming with me.”
⚜
It wasn’t like he’d never left the compound before but leaving meant he was often stuck with people for long periods and no way of escape. Add to that the fact that these people were ones he never saw more than in passing, because they were absolutely vile humans, and this was looking to be the worst trip of his life. Yes, he stuttered, yes, he was wimpy and girly and liked the bow better than the sword, and yes, he let his sister boss him around. Have you seen her when she’s angry? Wen Qing’s lips were pursed the whole time. She so badly wanted to say something, and Wen Ning could feel her restraint. He kept to himself, and the others eventually got tired of teasing him when he didn’t react.
Caiyi town was marvellous. He’d never seen so much happiness and general content. Was it because they were so close to the Cloud Recesses? The people living close to the Nightless City certainly didn’t act like this, though Wen Ning couldn’t blame them. Not many people in Nightless City acted like this.
Wen Qing indulged him once after he’d stared at a grilled lotus root stall for far longer than was polite. The owner didn’t look inclined to be courteous and didn’t offer any assistance. She reached for one. “The one on the left. That one’s not done yet.”
Both the owner of the stall and Wen Qing stared at him. Wen Ning shifted uncomfortably.
“Young master knows much,” the owner said, getting over his surprise, though he looked almost suspicious. “Has he eaten lotus root before?”
Wen Ning smiled, surprising the man once again. “No, it just looked different. Thank you, for this.”
He took the root out of Wen Qing’s hand and placed two coins on the counter. Much more than a single root was worth. How did he know that? Instead of pondering, Wen Ning grabbed his sister and pulled her away from the shocked man. There was suddenly a whole new layer of suspicion in Wen Qing’s gaze and Wen Ning wanted to turn it on himself too.
Wen Chao made a scene when they reached the gate. It reinforced Wen Ning’s knowledge that Wen Chao was a dramatic megalomaniac and deepened the shame he felt towards his own name. To stop himself from doing something completely out of character, Wen Ning hid behind Wen Qing, closed his eyes, and had to stop himself from placing his hands over his ears. The unadulterated feeling that he could beat down Wen Chao in a fight had to have come from the same place as all the other things he was feeling. He desperately wanted to know where.
Wen Ning felt Wen Qing step forward before hesitating. It was only for a few seconds before she was standing beside Wen Chao and canceling his spell.
“Catching their attention is not what we came here for.”
Wen Chao smirked, and Wen Ning briefly worried he would attack her. Instead, he stepped through the gate. “For the Wen Clan of Qishan, this is nothing.”
Wen Qing remained silent. Wen Ning looked at the two Lan members on the ground, sending them a silent apology as he followed.
When they passed the gates, Wen Qing handed him a fine box. There was no explanation as to what it was for, but the look she gave him was enough to know it would be important. Wen Ning didn’t like the situation in which such an expensive box would be necessary. Wen Chao scoffed, and Wen Ning thought he’d destroy it. Instead, Wen Chao turned and ignored the siblings for the walk to the meeting hall.
Wen Ning caught himself searching for something, didn’t know what that something was, and shook himself. Wen Qing was doing the same though she was looking with known intent. Even if there wasn’t anything specific yet as far as Wen Ning knew. It was peaceful in the Recesses, a little cold compared to the dryer weather of Nightless City, and beautiful in a way that the city wasn’t. Everything appeared based on the natural world, using softer lines and shapes instead of the harsh angles the Wen favored. Gentle and unassuming the way Wen Ning wish everything could be, but nothing ever was.
They approached a long squat building astonishing in its simplicity. Windows were covered by sheer fabric that did nothing more then slightly blur the figures inside. Wen Chao scoffed again, mockingly, and without waiting for an introduction, or for the speaker inside to finish, burst in, bringing the entire rooms focus on them.
No one looked pleased to see them.
Wen Ning wanted to grab his sister’s sleeve but felt any movement would bring the censure of the room and he didn’t think he’d survive that. Instead, the box was his shield, over which he watched the proceedings.
Thinly veiled pleasantries were exchanged, Wen Chao being condescending and rude the whole time. “Surely the Wen Clan doesn’t need your lecture.” Wen Ning winced. Lan Wangji stepped forward, as beautiful and serene as the sect he came from. His lips pursed slightly and there was a dangerous glint in his eye.
“He’s so arrogant.” Turning, Wen Ning saw the Nie Young Master looking displeased from behind his fan. He didn’t think the Nie knew he’d said that quite so loud. Wen Chao was particularly nasty to those who spoke bad about him.
Motion in his peripheral brought his attention to another young man. A bright laugh echoed from somewhere in his memory, and Wen Ning almost dropped the box in surprise. It didn’t feel like his, but it also was in a way that was far too complicated. The young man took another step closer before speaking.
“In that case why did Young Master Wen come here?”
“Who is this hangdog?”
“I don’t deserve to be called a hangdog. I’m Wei Wuxian from the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng,” Wei Wuxian said, leaving Wen Ning fearing for him.
“Even a nobody dares to interrupt me.”
Wei Wuxian took a moment, taking the insult with grace.
“My brother, Jiang Cheng, was saluting just now. How could you shout and yell like that? Is this what the Wen Clan of Qishan teaches others?”
“Okay. Today I will teach you how our clan deals with those who don’t listen,” Wen Chao said.
“Young Master Wen, it is just a small disagreement why are you so aggressive?” Wei Wuxian said casually.
“The Jiang Clan of Yunmeng is unaware of etiquette. If I don’t give you a lesson people will say we don’t stick to our principles.”
They won’t, Wen Ning wanted to say, they will think better of us if you don’t do anything. But that wasn’t to be, given who his cousin was. The other Wen’s were the first to move, pulling swords and forming a semicircle around Wen Chao. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng pulled theirs in retaliation. Followed by almost everyone else present.
Wen Ning glanced down at the box he carried. He doubted it would do much to release the animosity Wen Chao managed to create with all the clans represented here. The First Jade closed his eyes after a glance from his uncle, looking resigned. His flute was brought to his mouth, and he began to play. Soothing, familiar music that Wen Ning instinctively knew to relax to. In response to the music, every drawn sword was pulled into the air, before getting dropped before the owners’ feet.
Lan Xichen let the silence sit for a few seconds before stepping forward, coming to rest before Wen Chao. “Young Master Wen today is the Ceremony Day of Cloud Recesses. I hope you can restrain yourself.”
An ugly expression formed on Wen Chao’s face and the problem would have gotten worse if Wen Qing hadn’t moved forward at the same time Wen Chao did. She spoke first. Wen Ning had never been prouder or more terrified for his sister.
“I’m Wen Qing from the Wen Clan of Qishan. I’m under orders of his Excellency to attend the lecture. Me, and my little brother, Wen Ning, are new in Cloud Recesses, and are not familiar with the rules. We hope that Grand Master and Clan Leader Lan can forgive us.”
Lan Xichen smiled slightly. As the silence stretched, he realized it was probably a good time to go forward. No matter how his hands wanted to shake, or his skin tingled from the attention. With more confidence than he felt, Wen Ning moved up bedside his sister, handing over the box to her. The room remained silent, Lan Xichen making no move to accept the humble peace offering. Lan Qiren stood, coming to stand before his desk.
“If that’s so I’ll accept it.”
Lan Xichen nodded and accepted the gift somewhat reluctantly. “Young Master Wen, the Salute Ceremony is over. Please get some rest in our guest house.” He turned to Wen Qing and him. “As for tomorrow’s lecture please come here on time.”
Wen Chao scoffed again, looking around like he wanted to show a whole lot more disrespect. Wen Ning was eternally thankful when he turned and left instead.
⚜
Wen Ning couldn’t sleep. The night was still in a way it never was in Nightless City. It wasn’t that he particularly liked the noise of the city, but it was home and familiar. Here he could hear his own thoughts like he was saying them. His thoughts were loud enough as it was, suddenly having them the only noise in his head was disconcerting. Wen Chao had left after the confrontation, not taking Lan Xichen up on the offer to rest. Wen Qing and himself got taken to their rooms by a sour looking Lan. Not that Wen Ning blamed him. Heaving a sigh, he stood silently and escaped the confines of the room.
It was a very nice room, simple as all things were in the Recesses. A single bed in one corner, a small table with room enough for two to sit comfortably. A tea set that was so pristine Wen Ning didn’t dare touch it for fear of breaking it. His travel robes were scrunched into a ball at the foot of his bed. Wen Qing wasn’t here to tell him off for it. A second to consider putting on an outer robe before Wen Ning shrugged and went out without one. The night was mild enough to not need anything warmer and at this time of night there wouldn’t be anyone out. He hesitated longest over the curfew, but there was such an overwhelming sense of familiarity to go out in the dark that the thought was eventually brushed away.
The night air was cold but refreshing. Wen Ning breathed deep. A three-quarter moon hung in the sky, illuminating everything with a soft white glow. With no place in mind, Wen Ning wandered. He was comfortable in the dark, had been ever since his illness. There wasn’t any way to explain why he felt like that only, he’d find himself awake in the middle of the night restless from dreams and searching for something he couldn’t name. Nightless City was not where he belonged, a feeling shared between the new sensations and himself. Here though, he felt comfortable as if he were re-walking a place he’d known well but forgotten over time.
He passed the library, now dark and still, a little intimidating with the large shadows and imposing structure. The eating hall, low and squat, and the main lesson building looking innocent. Training fields came and went, accompanied by memories of days spent in less pleasant places than the one here.
So wrapped in his thoughts he didn’t realize he’d reached the outer wall until voices broke the stillness. There were lanterns here. Small circles of light that competed successfully with the moonlight. The two figures were brilliant, and Wen Ning couldn’t look away.
Wen Ning watched, fascinated, as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji fought. They didn’t notice him wreathed in shadows, a place he knew intimately. Lan Wangji was ethereal under the moonlight, the pristine white of his robes seeming to give off light of its own. His blue eye would look amazing right now Wen Ning thought absently. Wei Wuxian appeared opposite him in almost every way. Even the white robes he wore, which on Lan Wangji seemed part of him, looked wrong on Wei Wuxian, like he was meant to wear another colour, darker, deeper, like his skin, sun warmed and darkened.
Lan Wangji was the full moonrise.
Wei Wuxian was the noon day sun.
Suddenly feeling an interloper in something not meant for a mortal to see, he moved a step back. That was as far as he made it. It was physically impossible to move farther. Wei Wuxian was beautiful. There was something about a sword that brought out a feral beauty in him. Lan Wangji was as perfect as always.
One of the white jars in Wei Wuxian’s hands was detached by Lan Wangji’s sword. The small noise Wei Wuxian made had Wen Ning moving to catch it. He caught it, smiling at his quickness, then froze when he felt the gazes of both. A slow turn revealed Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji watching him.
“Come to disrupt more things?”
Wen Ning winced, drawing the jar closer to his chest. Wei Wuxian’s tone was neutral. Wen Ning’s heart began to pound against his ribs. Something was going to happen. He wasn’t sure he was going to like it. After this morning’s show, Wen Ning hadn’t expected much but he’d hoped it would be better than that. Lan Wangji glared down at him.
“I – N-no … I was just … couldn’t sleep.”
“And decided to wander? Ah, arrogant indeed these Wen’s didn’t you hear the rules?”
“I wasn’t – that’s not – I didn’t -!”
Wei Wuxian looked taken aback by his sudden and vehement denial. Lan Wangji watched him with more intensity. Ghosts of people he knew wavered before their physical counterparts. He waved them away not prepared for the not-quite-his-memories to surface. The two before him didn’t seem to know what to do with the gesture.
“I didn’t think I’d get caught.” Heat rushed to his cheeks. It was mumbled but heard anyway. Wei Wuxian burst into laughter, not quite as nice as Wen Ning knew it to be. A rough sound wanted to tear itself loose as the ghost of fond laughter curled around him. Wei Wuxian took the moment to escape from Lan Wangji, jumping down beside Wen Ning who shrunk back a little.
“I’m sorry.” The words trailed off as Wei Wuxian studied him. Wen Ning could feel where Wuxian’s gaze traveled. His heart was frantic now, beating like a bird’s wings against its cage. His breath was beginning to come in shorter gasps. Tears threatened to spill and melting into the ground sounded amazing. This was not the first meeting he had in mind. He didn’t know them, even if their ghosts smiled so fondly at him. Wei Wuxian took a step closer, a concerned frown making his face far more familiar than the uninterested one. He reached out a hand and as much as Wen Ning wanted the touch, he flinched.
“Ah, sorry,” Wei Wuxian pulled his hand back looking unsure.
Although the sudden urge to reach out and feel Wei Wuxian had him twitching, Wen Ning managed to refrain. He wasn’t looking at Lan Wangji yet. His heart couldn’t take the both of them at once. He looked up at Wei Wuxian. He was whole. It hurt to look at him. Wen Ning’s eye stung. Breathing deep, Wen Ning clutched the jar tighter, drawing attention to it.
“Thanks for catching that by the way. See Lan Zhan, someone appreciates good liquor.”
Right, he’d forgotten.
“Shameless.”
His gaze snapped to Lan Wangji, looking much, much to bright. Wen Ning’s vision was beginning to blur, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the tears or his soon to be full blown hyperventilation.
Wei Wuxian chuckled. Whether it was just in Wei Wuxian’s nature to be forgiving or in the last few minutes he’d done something to pacify a suspicion, Wen Ning was grabbed and dragged away. A sound of pure agony sighed past his lips. Wei Wuxian paused; half turned at the sound. Lan Wangji jumped, landing in front of the pair, and forcing Wei Wuxian to turn back around. Wen Ning bumped into his back. Wei Wuxian’s still smelled of ink and wind, his hand warm even through Wen Ning’s robes.
Bichen once again was level with Wei Wuxian’s chest. A visceral image of that blade pointed at his own un-dead chest invaded his remaining brain space. The beating of his heart was all he could hear. He felt Wei Wuxian laugh. Saw Bichen flash. Moved with Wei Wuxian as he rose his own in retaliation. He should stand in front of him. Protecting his Young Master was what he was resurrected for. He should move.
Jars dangled precariously from Wuxian’s sword hand. “Now, now, Lan Zhan. No need for this.”
“Shameless.” This time directed at Wei Wuxian.
There was no fondness in his tone. It punched a hole in Wen Ning’s gut, stuttering his breathing and forcing tears from his eyes. These weren’t the people he knew. A sob stuck in his throat.
Breathe rattled through him and there was a period of time where there was nothing. His cheek stung and he opened his eyes to see the sky and Wei Wuxian’s worried face. Eyelids fell back shut and it took immense effort to open them again. Wei Wuxian’s hand was raised but froze when he saw Wen Ning’s eyes.
“Why didn’t you say anything about being sick!”
He blinked a little faster this time. For once, his memories were crystal clear. Grass rustled and Lan Wangji’s shoes appeared in his periphery. A slight tilt brought his face into view. It really was a beautiful face. Wei Wuxian made a noise and Wen Ning turned back to him slowly. Amusement conflicted with concern and panic in his face and Wen Ning frowned.
At his confusion, the amusement won out and Wei Wuxian chuckled. “He does have a beautiful face I agree. See, Lan Zhan, I’m not the only one to think so.”
It took another slow blink for the words spoken to fully sink in. Even when it did, he couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed. This was Lan Wangji. He knew him too well or had at one point.
There was no rebuke from Lan Wnagji rousing Wen Ning’s confusion enough to look at him. He’d pointedly turned away. His red ears giving away the fact he’d been affected. Huh, Wen Ning didn’t ever remember that reaction, even when Wei Wuxian said the same thing. Wei Wuxian shifted, and Wen Ning abruptly realized he was lying on Wei Wuxian’s lap.
“I’m sorry!” he said and went to spring up but ended up in Wei Wuxian’s arms when the world spun dangerously.
“Easy. I can’t have you passing out again on me.”
He ached all over again, and the memories he’d so successfully supresses were dancing in front of him. He knew these two. He loved them, and they loved each other. Long buried disappointment would be buried no longer, and soon, he found himself crying against Wei Wuxian’s neck. The encompassing feeling of his arms was bordering on painful, but Wen Ning couldn’t bring himself to pull away. He’d been without them too long to do that. They could have just as easily abandoned him, it wasn’t like he’d made a good impression on them, if he’d made one at all.
When Wen Ning’s sobbing eased, he remained pressed against Wei Wuxian. It would be nothing for him to remain, clinging to Wei Wuxian, beg him to never leave. The part of his brain that always sounded like Wen Qing told him he was being foolish. This Wei Wuxian wouldn’t know what he was saying, and the whole situation would get more uncomfortable than it already was. She was right as always. The few times he’d hugged Wei Wuxian in the past had been whispers of sensation, but now he could feel the heat of him, hear his heart beating, and the tingles that clung stubbornly to his skin made him happy. Wei Wuxian’s death felt like only yesterday.
Wen Ning did pull away though, slower than propriety would consider polite. There was a pat on his shoulder and opening his eyes he saw Wei Wuxian smiling at him. It was subdued but vibrant in a way only Wei Wuxian ever achieved. He definitely had not earned it after that disastrous show this morning.
“Not gonna hit me for touching you?” Wei Wuxian joked. Wen Ning tilted his head in confusion.
There was a second or two of incomprehension before his face heated. He didn’t miss this part of being alive. “No – that – before was only because … You surprised me is all.”
Wei Wuxian laughed, already reaching back into his space. Wen Ning loved it.
“Is that so? Then you don’t mind me doing this?” A warm arm wrapped under his and gave a firm tug as Wei Wuxian stood.
“No.” Whenever you want. Wen Ning stood too, twitching as Wei Wuxian’s hands rubbed against his shoulder blades. No one knew how ticklish he was there, no one had gotten close enough when he was alive, and it never mattered when he was dead. He didn’t want Wei Wuxian to know though, given the others penchant for mischief.
Wen Ning took a step back and froze. He could feel Lan Wangji behind him, a little surprised he hadn’t left or called for others. He’d been without Lan Wangji longer than Wei Wuxian. His presence brought back nights of calm study, of sunny afternoons watching Wei Wuxian and Lan Sizhui spar or argue. Both men were easy for Wen Ning to sense, always had been.
Wei Wuxian burned hot.
Lan Wangji burned cold.
His favorite place had always been between them. It wasn’t even that Lan Wangji was that close. He’d kept a respectable distance.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” he told Wei Wuxian. Turning he addressed Lan Wangji, bowing. “I am sorry for being out after curfew. I will take whatever punishment you think necessary.” I’m sorry for Wen Chao. He is arrogant, and I want nothing to do with him. Please don’t think I am anything like him.
He met Lan Wangji’s eyes, surprised to see a brief flash of startled pride at his words. Wen Ning sucked in a breath so fast he almost chocked. Even still he was disappointed when there was no familiarity, no affection, shining in Lan Wangji’s eyes. While never as close as with Wei Wuxian, Wen Ning liked to assume he and Lan Wangji had gotten at least to friendship, perhaps even companions. Here, now, he was just Wen Qionglin, a rule breaking Wen.
Never had he been so disappointed in his heritage.
Wen Ning continued to stare. At least in this he would try show his worth. Lan Wangji stared back until he dipped in acquiescence. At what, Wen Ning wasn’t sure. His face was still warm from crying and probably looked ugly. He always got all blotchy when he cried.
“Well, now that that’s settled, come on Wen Ning, I’m sure Lan Zhan has a patrol to finish.”
Contrary to what Wen Ning expected, Lan Wangji just watched them go. Wei Wuxian’s hand was around his wrist, warm and solid. Lan Wangji stood, Bichen still drawn, bathed in moonlight. Anyone else would look lonely, but Lan Wangji appeared regal, like he belonged to the moonlight. Like he was made from it.
Wen Ning felt like sobbing again. There were too many new things to go over and being pulled away from Lan Wangji felt like being torn from him all over again. The words wouldn’t come, and he watched the figure of Lan Wangji until he disappeared. Not sure what exactly his expression had been, Wen Ning tried to wipe it off his face before Wei Wuxian could see.
Wei Wuxian didn’t look back, step purposeful enough Wen Ning knew he was running away. Still a little wobbly on his feet, Wen Ning toddled after Wei Wuxian, feeling child-like and young. It was also the most natural thing in the world. Wei Wuxian also hadn’t dropped his hand.
“You okay being alone?”
Blinking back to himself, Wen Ning jerked his head forward in a nod. There was concern in Wei Wuxian’s question and Wen Ning basked in it. Even if it was just Wei Wuxian being himself.
There was doubt in Wei Wuxian’s expression. Wen Ning couldn’t seem to stop the tears. If every now and then his breath hitched, Wei Wuxian was kind enough not to say anything. Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to protest but closed it with a shake of his head. Wen Ning wished he would. But he was still a Wen and a stranger no matter how nice Wei Wuxian was being.
“That’s good, don’t want something to happen to you if no one’s gonna be there.” He stops abruptly and turns. “Where’re you staying?”
Wen Ning says and then they’re off again. Like it was a great adventure. Wen Ning smiled softly to himself. The bottle of liquor had gotten lost somewhere and Wen Ning felt regret at losing it.
“I’m sorry,” he said, as they wandered up to his accommodations.
“Hmm?”
“For the bottle. I dropped it.” For how rude Wen Chao was to you. You are the most wonderful thing in the world to me. For ever forgetting you existed.
“No worries. You’re more important and I can always get more.”
He stopped breathing. Did that mean he wasn’t in trouble for this morning? Could he hope that Wei Wuxian didn’t hold the faults of his cousin against him? The words played themselves on repeat, would continue to do so for weeks. Wei Wuxian turned to speak, saw his face, and leaned forward concerned.
“You good? Gonna faint on me again?”
Wen Ning shook his head unable to form words. Wei Wuxian was dangerous. Why did this have to be hard? Wuxian didn’t move, hand still wrapped around Wen Ning’s wrist, his concern still knitting his brows together.
“You sure?”
“Yes,” Wen Ning managed.
Wuxian gave him a skeptical once over. “If you say so. Let me walk you to the door.”
“You don’t – “
“It looks like you are going to faint again, and I would feel bad if I left you on your own.” Without waiting, as usual, Wuxian marched forward not stopping to consider where his room might be.
“To the left,” Wen Ning said. Wuxian adjusted course with all the confidence of one who knew where they were going. It was adorably Wei Wuxian. They reached Wen Ning’s door with surprising silence, and before he left Wei Wuxian shot him another guard lowering smile.
“Good night, Wei-gongzi,” Wen Ning said softly, bowing slightly.
“Call me Wei Ying.”
He closed his eyes at the onslaught of memories. Letting the last time Wei Wuxian said that wash over him. Another nod and he pulled his wrist free, gazing up at the concerned confusion on Wei Wuxian’s face before moving into his room. Wen Ning pressed his forehead to the closed door, listening to Wei Wuxian’s retreating footsteps.
This was so not fair.