Work Text:
“Come on, Andrew. We’ll only stay for an hour, okay? I have no one else to go with,” Nicky whined for what seemed like the millionth time in the past ten minutes. Apparently, there was a carnival in the area and, since nothing ever happened in this godforsaken town, everyone and their mothers would be there. Not to mention that it was boiling outside, seeing as it was the middle of summer. It was the perfect example of Andrew’s own personal hellscape.
“Call my doppelganger. I’m sure he’d drag Katelyn along as well,” Andrew replied, lazily swirling the ice cream in his bowl.
Nicky groaned. “I can’t. Aaron has summer classes and I don’t know Katelyn that well to go alone with her.”
“That sounds like a you problem.”
Nicky groaned again. Despite the fact that they were cousins, Andrew hadn’t even known he existed until a couple of years ago. Even then, he ignored him every chance he got. It was hard enough working on his relationship with his brother. He didn’t have time for energetic, optimistic cousins. But, he did promise Bee that he’d do something about it, so…
“Just one ride,” Nicky said. “And I’ll buy you a funnel cake.”
Andrew sighed, deciding that giving in was better than listening to another second of his cousin’s pleading. “A funnel cake and fried oreos.”
Nicky’s eyes lit up. “Yes! I’m gonna go get dressed.”
Andrew let out another sigh as Nicky left that room. It was only one hour. How bad could it be?
~
Bad.
It could be very bad.
Not only was it hot, but it was humid too. He was sweating under his armbands and got dizzy after the first ride he went on. He refused to go on anymore after that, opting to sit on a bench and wait for Nicky there. Though, even after the hour was up, Andrew didn’t say anything. Nicky was having fun, not that Andrew cared. Obviously, Andrew didn’t care . He just didn’t want Nicky to see how much this heat was getting to him. Yeah, that was it.
Once Nicky had had his fill of the rides, they walked over to the food stands. As promised, Nicky bought Andrew some funnel cake and fried oreos. They roamed around for a bit as they ate, looking at all the booths they’d missed. Nicky gasped when he saw the sign to a plain looking tent.
“Andrew, look! A fortune teller!”
And, just like that, Andrew regretted not dragging Nicky home once the time limit was up.
“Absolutely not.”
“Don’t be such a skeptic,” Nicky said.
“I’m not a skeptic. Everyone knows that stuff is bullshit.”
“But you’ve barely done anything all day. I won’t even make you tell me what they said, promise.”
Andrew sighed. “If I do, will you stop complaining?”
Nicky went in first. Andrew examined the sign as he waited. It said “fortune teller” in big, bold letters. Underneath that was a list of all the services they offered. Tarot readings, palm readings, rune stone readings. Andrew didn’t really understand the difference between any of them. It was a scam either way. There’s no way someone looking at your hand for a moment could be worth ten dollars more than picking out a random card from a deck. The only good thing listed on the sign was that the tent was air conditioned, thank god for that.
When Nicky pulled back the curtains, his eyes were wide in wonderment. “I feel like that guy just stared into my soul.”
Yeah, right.
The first thing Andrew noticed as he entered the tent wasn’t the cool air or the unusually normal looking decor. It was the man sitting at the table in front of him. His red hair looked grown out and shaggy. He had scars that sliced across this right cheek and a burn on his left. When he looked up, Andrew saw that his eyes were a piercing blue. As much as he hated to admit it, the man was gorgeous. He couldn’t help wondering why he was working in a place like this.
“Welcome! My name's Neil. You can go ahead and take a seat.”
He didn’t bother standing up to shake Andrew’s hand. Neil leaned back in his and thumbed through his tarot deck. It was strange. Andrew had expected the whole mystic act, but Neil seemed relaxed, like he was being visited by a friend instead of offering a service to a complete stranger.
Andrew sat in the surprisingly comfortable chair across from Neil. Neil leaned forward, set down the cards, and folded his hands in front of him. “So, what can I do for you today…?”
He dragged on the last word, waiting for Andrew to supply his name. Andrew merely raised an eyebrow.
“Not a big sharer, huh?”
“Do you need to know my name?” Andrew asked.
“I do not, but it does help.”
Andrew stayed quiet for another moment before saying, “Andrew.”
Neil nodded. “Alright, Andrew, what’re you looking for? Tarot? Palmistry? Tasseography?”
“All this stuff is just as fake as the next. It makes no difference to me.”
Neil laughed. He fucking laughed . The sound reverberated through Andrew’s entire body. “Why are you here, then?”
“My cousin dragged me here,” Andrew said. “Which one of these things takes up the least of my time?”
Neil, an amused grin on his face, picked the tarot card back up. “Well, the most basic thing I can do for you is a three card reading. Past, present, future, if you’re okay with that.”
Andrew shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Great.”
Neil started by knocking the side of his deck with his fist. Apparently, that was too “clear out any negative energy” or some crap like that. Then, much to Andrew’s dismay, he asked Andrew to place two fingers on the top of the deck and close his eyes.
“You want to channel your energy into the cards,” Neil had said.
Andrew sighed, but did it anyway. The quicker he got out of there, the better. Once the cards were thoroughly shuffled, Neil asked Andrew to hold both his hands out. He placed the deck in Andrew’s left hand and told him to slowly slide it into his right hand. The deck split and Neil put the remaining cards in Andrew’s left hand on top of the other stack.
“Now, I just pull three cards from the top of the deck.” Neil placed the cards, faced down, on the table. “So,” he flipped the first card over. “For your past, you got the Tower. You’ve had a very rough upbringing. I’m sorry, that couldn’t’ve been easy. The good thing about the Tower being in the first position is that it means the worst of it is over. That doesn’t mean bad things will never happen to you, but it does mean you’ve weathered the storm and come out the other side.”
Andrew scoffed. So what if one card was right? And that bullshit about the worst being over? He didn’t believe that for a second.
Neil ignored Andrew’s skepticism and flipped over the middle card. He grinned at it. “The Page of Cups,” he said. “Based on the fact that the Tower came before this, it could signify the rebuilding of a relationship from scratch. It could also mean that you’re about to embark on a new adventure, whether that be a new friendship or even new love.”
Andrew scoffed again. That was even more absurd than the last one.
Finally, Neil flipped over the last card. “The Nine of Pentacles. You’re going to have stability and security in your life. With your finances. With your relationships. It’ll all work out in the end. I have a feeling that whatever connections you form now will last you a lifetime.”
Andrew didn’t acknowledge the reading. He had another question on his mind. “Do you believe in free will?”
Neil nodded. “I do.”
“Then, how can you also believe in this stuff?”
“It’s like this: the cards tell you what’ll happen on the path you’re currently going on in life. If you switch paths, like making a major life decision or changing up the way you live, these things won’t come true,” he said. “You always have a choice.”
“Sounds like an excuse to me.”
Neil shrugged. “You believe what you believe. I get paid either way.”
Andrew threw a fiver down on the table and left.
~
True to his word, Nicky didn’t ask about Andrew’s reading. He didn’t even give Andrew a rundown of his own, already distracted by something else. He dragged Andrew around to some other rides. Andrew had gotten used to the heat at that point, so he didn’t complain. They were already there and the carnival was only in town for one more day, so it’s not like they could go back.
He was sitting on a bench, waiting for Nicky to get off the Tilt-a-Whirl, when he saw him again. Neil stood a few feet away, talking to a tall, blonde girl dressed to the nines with impeccably done makeup. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before walking off.
His girlfriend, then , Andrew thought.
Before Andrew could look away, Neil turned his head, catching Andrew’s eye. He grinned and made his way over to him, sitting next to him without so much as asking. Andrew gave him an unimpressed look.
“Shouldn’t you be in your tent spouting nonsense to unsuspecting customers?” Andrew asked, trying to sound like he couldn’t care less about the answer.
Neil laughed. “I’m off the clock, actually.”
“And you couldn’t think of anyone else to bother?”
“Nah, you seemed like you’d be the most entertaining.”
“What about your girlfriend?” Andrew asked, not that he cared. He didn’t care. He didn’t even know why he brought it up.
Neil tilted his head in confusion. “Girlfriend? You mean Allison?” He let out a laugh. “We’re not dating. She has a girlfriend, actually. I don’t really do the whole dating thing.”
“Why?” Andrew asked, again, not because he cared because he definitely did not care.
“I’m demisexual, so I can only catch feelings for someone after we have a strong bond, you know.”
Andrew nodded, but didn’t say anything.
Neil ended up talking about something else. Andrew indulged him in answering his questions, replying to his comments. He had to admit that Neil was more interesting than he originally thought. At least, when he wasn’t talking about that fortune telling crap. (“I actually call it divination, but the company didn’t think that was whimsical enough,” Neil had said.) Whatever. It was all the same to him.
He tried not to think about that Tower card or what Neil said about rebuilding relationships. It was just a coincidence. It had to be. Andrew wouldn’t waste time thinking he’d ever have a stable life.
It was a pipe dream.
When Nicky got off the ride, he greeted Neil with enthusiasm and even invited him to tag along for the rest of the day. Andrew sighed, but didn’t say anything. Neil showed them where all the good games were, which ones were rigged and which ones were fairly simple. He joined Nicky for the two player ones, winning a stuffed fox in the process.
“Here.” He handed it to Andrew.
“What am I supposed to do with this.” Andrew didn’t even bother making it a question.
“I dunno. Throw it away, keep it in the back of your closet, give it to a little kid. It’s yours now,” he said with an irritating smile. As much as Andrew hated it, it sent a sort of warmth through his body.
Stupid cards. The thought cropped up as the day went on. Whenever Neil laughed or grinned or played a game. Andrew had to keep reminding himself that they’d only be right if Neil reciprocated his feelings.
Not that he had any feelings for Neil. Obviously.
That’s why, when Nicky asked Neil where the carnival was going next, he didn’t feel his stomach drop. For a moment, Andrew forgot that the people who work at carnivals didn’t usually stay in one place. The carnival would vanish overnight, and so would Neil.
At least, that’s what he thought anyway.
“I think they’re going to Raleigh, but I’m not sure. This is my last stop. I’m opening up a shop in the area,” Neil said. The knot in Andrew’s chest loosened.
Neil had to go clean up his tent not too long after that. Nicky insisted that they walk him there, even though they were closer to the parking lot than anything else. Andrew clutched onto the stuffed fox as they made their way through the other booths and stands. It was weird to think that all of this could be set up and taken down in a day. It was weird to think that Neil could’ve vanished in the same way.
But he won’t , Andrew reminded him. He’s staying.
“Hey, Andrew? Can you come help me with something?” Neil asked.
“Andrew’s not really the helpful type, but I’m happy to do something,” Nicky said.
“Oh, uh…” Neil scratched the back of his neck. “I kinda need him specifically.” Andrew could tell he was looking around for a lie, albeit unsuccessfully.
He decided to put him out of his misery and said, “It’s fine. I’ll do it,” then strode into the tent, not pausing to see the faint shock on Nicky’s face.
The AC had been shut off and most of the things had been packed away already. He turned as Neil followed him into the tent, grinning sheepishly at Andrew.
“Uh, Nicky said he’d wait by the car,” Neil said.
Andrew nodded, waiting for Neil to go on.
“I thought Nicky might get the wrong idea if I asked for your number in front of him.”
“But you didn’t think pulling me into your tent and asking for my number would give me the wrong idea?” Andrew said.
Neil shrugged. “I told you I was demisexual.”
“You did.”
“We don’t have that close connection, but… maybe we could, you know, in the future.”
Andrew blinked. “I didn’t think it worked like that.”
“For some people, it doesn’t, but that’s how it works for me,” Neil said. “It’s not like dating and I don’t catch feelings for everyone I form a strong connection to. It’s just that sometimes I can tell if the person I’m talking to is someone I could potentially develop feelings for.”
“And that’s me,” Andrew said.
Neil nodded. “And that’s you.”
Andrew stayed silent, so Neil started speaking again.
“I know it’s a little weird and it’s not, like, a guarantee or anything, but yeah.”
Andrew rolled his eyes and, against all his better judgement, dug his hand into his pocket to grab his phone.
~
Those stupid cards.
Of course, Neil knew he’s catch feelings for Andrew, those stupid cards basically comfirmed it. Every time Andrew walked into the metaphysical shop that Neil owned, every time they ate takeout in an empty parking lot, it all went back to the cards. Andrew was hardly even surprised when Neil kissed him for the first time. He wished he could be more angry at that Page of Cups. Though, he always remembered the Nine of Pentacles right next to it. That was the bigger task to accomplish. Andrew didn’t think it would happen. Neil kept telling him that it was no use fighting the cards, but Andrew couldn’t put all his hopes on something like that. After spending all that time with Neil, he had started to believe in the practice more, but he could never believe it for himself, for the Nine of Pentacles.
“I could make a drastic life decision,” Andrew would say. “Just to prove you wrong.”
“You wouldn’t be proving me wrong, you’d just never know if I was right,” Neil would reply.
Still, Andrew hung onto the fact that the Nine of Pentacles had never come to fruition. He didn’t notice the subtle changes. Like the fact that Neil and him had a designated time to eat lunch together or the fact that they had an annual trip to a lake house near a quaint little town or even the fact that they had a shared calendar to make planning things easier. He didn’t think about the card as Neil moved in. He didn’t think about the card as Neil cooked them dinner and chatted about his day. He didn’t think about the card as Neil brought home two stray cats in the span of a week.
The moment Andrew realized the Nine of Pentacles was right, he was too content to be mad. They were both in bed. It was one of those rare days when Andrew woke up before Neil. The sun streamed through the blinds, bathing Neil’s hair in gold. He looked beautiful. Andrew didn’t bother denying that.
Sir was still asleep at the end of the bed while King stretched out and made her way toward Andrew and Neil. He felt it, deep in his stomach, that sense of security and stability. Neil stirred as King settled on his tummy.
“Drew?” he said groggily once he saw that Andrew was awake.
“Morning,” Andrew replied.
Neil gave King a small pat. “What time is it?”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s the weekend. Calm your racing mind for a while.” Andrew rested his head on Neil’s shoulder.
Neil laughed breathily. “Looks like I don’t have much of a choice, seeing as both you and King are using me as a pillow.”
“Exactly.”
Neil laughed again. It stirred something in Andrew’s chest.
“Hey, Drew?”
Andrew hummed.
“I love you.”
Despite everything they’d been through to get to that point, neither of them had ever said those words to each other. It was always just assumed. On his good days, Andrew knew that Neil loved him. Words were just words. It didn't matter to Andrew that Neil never said them. He’s had plenty of people in his life who lied when they said those words. Bee would tell him that, even though actions could sometimes be enough, sometimes words just needed to be said. Maybe Neil felt he needed to say them.
Andrew wrapped an arm around Neil, letting it rest against King’s warm fur. He didn’t feel obligated to say it back. He didn’t feel like he needed to say it back.
But he wanted to.
So, he did.