Archive of Our Own ^beta

Seungmin had been here even before the sun could set down.

He had no plans of letting this opportunity pass, so three hours before the phenomenon would even start, he grabbed his telescope, prepared his camera, and ordered takeout so he didn’t have to join his family for dinner. Also bought snacks and a thermos for when it’s starting to get late and chilly.

He just can’t live a life without having to see the Blood Moon and meteor shower tonight. It’s all over the media because it’s the first time the Earth’s ever going to witness such a phenomenon. Two astronomical events at once—and the Blood Moon, even, was the first one they’d see after a hundred years, according to experts.

He scrolled through his social media, seeing how most of his friends had somebody to watch the Blood Moon and meteor shower with. He wondered if they know what’s making this phenomenon special (aside from appearing after a hundred of years), or if they just happened to be at the right place with the right person.

The news didn’t cover it, but for astronomy fans like him, tonight’s moon and shower held a magic that would have hopeless romantics begging on their knees. The Facebook group page he was in talks nonstop about it, but the information didn’t really spread like wildfire. They kept it to themselves, and kept it from their loved ones.

Seungmin’s eyes darted to the time on the upper left corner of his phone. Huh. 21:05. Five minutes past the anticipated appearance of both the moon and meteor shower, but when Seungmin looked up, the sky was only blanketed by dull clouds.

He frowned and checked the FB page; some of the members from Japan didn’t have a clear sky, too, but some of the members from Busan were already posting pictures—and boy, was Seungmin jealous. He scrolled down more, only to see a member from the Philippines already posting an HD picture of the moon stained with red.

He can’t fathom the idea that maybe he actually has to live a life without witnessing the Blood Moon and meteor shower. Was the universe seriously going to pull this kind of joke at him? Was this his cue to laugh?

Seungmin shook the pessimistic thoughts away and told himself it’s just the start. It’ll appear at 21:00 and end at 2:00. He has five more hours to go. The best he should do is stay awake, and probably get lost in the ocean of social media first.

It doesn’t help, though. Whichever site he opens, he only sees endless pictures of the sky—some complaining, some in amazement. If not, he saw his friends’ posts again, with their special significant other, enjoying the night despite the disappointment.

It’s Seungmin’s own fault he’s seeing this. The content he follows on all the SNS downloaded in his phone is about astronomy. He’s only bumped himself out more.

It doesn’t help that it’s been only two minutes since then. 21:07, his phone read. He wanted to shut it down and not check it forever. Although he doesn’t, because a part of him expects a message to pop out from none other than his best friend.

“You should’ve invited me, doofus.”

Seungmin jumped in his seat and turned around, greeted by none other than the person of his thoughts—Han Jisung, in the flesh. It was as if his thoughts were laced with magic, and he subconsciously summoned the person he was thinking of. 

Puffs of breath could be seen flying out of the elder’s lips thanks to the cold atmosphere, but Seungmin noticed that his best friend was panting, running out of breath, as if he ran all the way towards Kim’s residence. Which was impossible since Jisung owned a Vespa, and treasured nothing else but the vehicle.

The younger only huffed and averted his gaze to the still cloud-filled night sky, mumbling, “I didn’t expect you to be interested.”

Of course, that was a lie. They both knew that. Jisung laughed as he sat beside Seungmin, catching his breath for a few beats before he rode on Seungmin’s little joke, “Of course. I don’t know anything about astronomy.”

That wasn’t a lie. Jisung doesn’t even go to school anymore. He said he’d rather work part-times, and he’s currently focusing on making music instead and continuously uploading them on SoundCloud. Recently, he’s even auditioned at a famous entertainment company, and they’re hoping to hear good news soon.

Seungmin, on the other hand, was all about studying astronomy. The moment he read one of his Wonpil hyung’s books about the planets and universes and galaxies, he was hooked. He demanded more information from his brother, who only ever told him as much as the Sun being a star, before he decided he’d study rigorously to know more of what the universe could offer him.

Seungmin and Jisung had a lot of differences. They’ve both acknowledged it a long time ago. But they never let those differences get to them—when Jisung made music, Seungmin was always supporting him and cheering him on; when Seungmin talked about the galaxies, Jisung always listened, as if he was going to be given a pop quiz after.

The silence between them was comforting, though Seungmin’s mind was the complete opposite. He didn’t invite Jisung, but that was for a reason. What does he do now that Jisung’s here? Should he tell the other? Should he find a way to leave?

Seungmin pursed his lips in thought, the choices he considered not really sounding like it’d all end well. He looked over to Jisung instead, whose eyes were glued to the sky, but he was rubbing his hands together slowly—either from the cold, or he had something he wanted to tell Seungmin.

“Is something wrong?” Seungmin asked, shifting in his seat.

Jisung took a quick glance at Seungmin and shrugged, “I know you looked forward to this.”

Yeah. It was all Seungmin ever talked of since the announcement came out. He even called Jisung at two a.m. back then. “But the sky’s ruining my expectations.”

Jisung chuckled, nodding in agreement. “Well, since the clouds won’t uncover that damned moon and meteor shower—” He paused, going over his words, then shook his head like he decided on something at the last minute, “—let’s go somewhere else.”

“But I’ve got everything here,” Seungmin countered, gesturing to his food, the snacks and thermos. The telescope was positioned and his camera was already attached to a tripod. “I’m pretty sure the sky’s the same in every other part of Seoul.”

Jisung blinked, pursed his lips, and nodded firmly. “Right. Of course.”

Seungmin felt like there’s something Jisung’s hiding from him, but he doesn’t push, because they never forced each other to say things they weren’t prepared to share yet. Instead, Seungmin looked back at his equipment and debated with himself, glancing at the telescope, then the camera, then the snacks.

With a sigh, he detached the camera from its tripod and put it in the bag. He grabbed his jacket and faced Jisung, whose eyes were wide as he said, “Hey, we don’t have to—”

“No, you’ve got a point. Let’s go,” Seungmin decided, going ahead of Jisung and down the rooftop.

“What point?” Jisung shouted, following him. “I just said let’s go somewhere else! What about your telescope?”

Seungmin tried not to sulk about it too much. The telescope was a gift from his parents when he passed his dream university and course, and he’s never witnessed a phenomenon without his treasured possession. But Jisung was right—they could go to other places and hope that the skies are clearer there. Seungmin’s willing to trade using his telescope for the view. Just his camera would be enough.

“It’s fine,” he said, avoiding eye contact while he’s aware Jisung is tossing curious stares at him. “I just want to see it. I don’t want to spend a night not seeing it.”

They briefly said goodbye to Seungmin’s parents before they’re out on the street, Jisung handing Seungmin a helmet before he wears his own. As Jisung rides on his vehicle, he comments, “You know, I was hoping to see the moon tonight, too. Didn’t they say it’s been a hundred years since the last one? I could get a few interesting trivias from you while we watch.”

Seungmin can feel his ears turn hot, and he hoped Jisung would think it’s from the cold night air. He swallowed the lump in his throat and merely nodded, getting on the Vespa and hesitatingly wrapping his arms around Jisung’s waist. It wasn’t as if he hasn’t done this before, he’s ridden Jisung’s Vespa countless times already.

But the thought that he’s going to watch the Blood Moon with Jisung—plus the meteor shower, of course—makes his heart cartwheel around his chest like it’s been learning gymnastics since birth. He chided himself and tried to redirect his attention elsewhere. Anything but the Blood Moon. He’d worry about that later.

The streets were deserted and were illuminated by the muted orange glow of the streetlamps. A part of Seungmin wants to stop right here and just walk with Jisung, because he’s always dreamt of walking down the empty streets at night (but never really got the chance to do so). He rests his head on Jisung’s back instead, and tells himself that he’s got other priorities as of the moment.

He dragged his eyes towards the sky, which had been disappointing him since earlier. Still no signs of the moon. Even a tinge of red could be appreciated; at least that’d reassure him that he’s not hoping all of this for nothing. But all he saw was gray, which just dampened his mood.

Maybe Jisung had his best-friend-mood-detection activated. Maybe he’d seen Seungmin frown from the side-view mirror. Seungmin felt and heard the elder laugh, and he peeled away from Jisung’s back, asking, “What’s so funny?!” He was slightly screaming, the air consuming his voice. 

Jisung replied in the same manner, “You’re so down!”

Seungmin snorted. What else? He doesn’t bother retorting, and instead asks, “Where are we going?!”

“You’ll see!” Jisung grinned, turning the handles of his Vespa to make it go faster, and Seungmin tightened his arms around Jisung in reflex. He hated how cocky Jisung could go with driving this thing when the streets are empty; one minute he feels like he’s on a tour around the town, and the next he feels like he’s riding a rollercoaster.

It wasn’t long before Jisung stopped the Vespa in front of a river. The place was familiar, the memory tugging at Seungmin’s brain like when he took exams—the information was deja vu. He’s sure he’s been here before, or at least had taken a glimpse of it, but wasn’t sure on where this is, exactly.

“Problem is we have to cross that.” Jisung puckered his lips to the flat stones laid in front of them, acting as a bridge to cross the river—the kind you’d see in rom-com films, maybe. The elder showed a sheepish smile. “Remember the abandoned treehouse we always visited before?”

Seungmin narrowed his eyes, nodding as he did so. “The one near our old high school?”

Jisung averted his gaze and repeatedly snapped his fingers, turning his back on Seungmin. The younger knows it’s his habit when he’s slightly nervous. “Right across this river is none other than that treehouse! I heard it’s still there after all these years, and it’s been a while since we’ve last visited it, haven’t we? I just thought about the location last minute—”

“That explains why you took this route instead of the other one,” Seungmin deadpanned, heaving a sigh shortly after. “If you took the route leading to the high school, we wouldn’t have to cross this stone bridge thing.”

Jisung flicked his hand as if to dismiss Seungmin’s point. “Nah. Where’s the thrill in that?”

Seungmin arched an eyebrow, holding his camera bag up for Jisung to see. “You’re right. There’s a thrill in dropping my camera into the water.”

“It’s not waterproof?” Jisung jested, in hopes of lightening up the mood.

Seungmin pursed his lips and stared blankly at Jisung, who was still shooting him a nervous look. He wasn’t really angry with Jisung, maybe just slightly frustrated at the fact that they could’ve taken the route that provided less hassle to get to their destination. 

He’s not really used to impulsive decisions, too. Seungmin’s more of a stick-to-the-plan type of guy. And the plan was to watch the Blood Moon and meteor shower on his house’s rooftop, with his telescope and snacks. Not a sudden trip to wherever they may end up, crossing bridges with stones that comes with the risk of getting himself and his camera wet with one wrong move.

He let out a long exhale and merely nodded at Jisung, gesturing to the other to lead the way. Jisung’s face immediately brightens, and he’s quick on his feet, immediately on the first stone.

Seungmin’s not used to spontaneity, but Jisung is. That’s another one of their differences, but it muses Seungmin that it makes them balance out each other. He’s the one responsible for keeping things under control, keeping things going as planned—and if ever the circumstances weren’t to their favor, Jisung’s quick thinking is the one that steers the boat to the right direction.

“It’s not that hard,” said Jisung, now hopping to the second stone to make way for Seungmin. His arms were spread out to keep his balance. “A bit slippery. But you could manage.”

“How are you sure I can?” Seungmin asked, eyeing the first stone and estimating how far it would be. He brought his camera up towards his chest with one hand, and hoped that he could balance his whole weight with only one arm spread out.

“You passed gym class.”

“After I failed two times, but thanks.”

“Point is you passed.” Jisung shrugged, and set his hands aside, clearly showing no signs of fear as he stood on the second stone. He even crouched, and said, “Just jump. You’ll be on the stone before you know it.”

Seungmin gulped the lump of nervousness building inside his throat. With the camera bag placed against his chest, he could hear the increasing speed of his heartbeat better. “And what if I slip?”

“You won’t,” Jisung reassured, now standing up again as he held out a hand. “If you do, I’ll swim that river with you. Just make sure to keep your camera bag above your head.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes, and took a deep breath, letting out a yelp as he finally jumped to the first stone. He wobbled, making Jisung yelp and stretch his hand further, but fortunately Seungmin was able to balance himself without Jisung’s help, his occupied hand clutching the bag tighter than ever.

Seungmin exhaled loudly, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He looks up and sees Jisung, flashing him an encouraging smile. “That’s it! Told you you can do it.”

Maybe it’s beginner’s luck, Seungmin thought bitterly. He doesn’t say it outloud because Jisung’s already hopped to the third stone, and even though the elder’s just a stone away, literally, Seungmin feels like they’re so far away from each other.

Once Jisung settled on the rock, arms falling to his sides again, he turned to look at Seungmin, and screamed, “I’m here!” He held out his hand, and Seungmin calmed himself with deep breaths and the thought that Jisung’s there.

He jumps, without wobbling this time, the fear of falling to the river evacuating his body. Jisung grinned and gave him a thumbs up, hopping to the next stone, and Seungmin counted to five before he follows suit. He found it easy to jump to the fourth stone this time, the fingers around his camera bag loosening its grip, and he smiles to himself and looks ahead to where Jisung is.

“This one’s pretty big,” commented Jisung, going in a circle around the stone. Seungmin’s always been aware that fear is a stranger to the elder, but still, a puff of breath is taken away from his lungs every time he witnesses such. “We can fit!”

“Or we can fall,” Seungmin countered immediately, not wanting to take risks.

“Come on,” Jisung drawed out the word, stepping to the side, and Seungmin can visualize the two of them standing there together, “jump here so I can prove my point.”

Seungmin scowls. Jisung grins.

Not really wanting to waste more time (also because the stone did look pretty big), Seungmin succumbs to Jisung’s suggestion and jumps, like he always did since earlier—but for some reason his body failed him this time, just like he failed gym class, and one foots takes a misstep making Seungmin lose his balance. He barely even lets out a scream as his heart drops to his stomach, closing his eyes and holding his breath for the impact of the water.

The camera, he thought, forgetting how he’s still got it close to his chest, while his other hand is held out, put the camera above your head put the camera above your head—

He braces for the cold flow of the river to engulf him whole, though instead of feeling the harsh chilling water, he feels a tight grip on his wrist that would equate to how tight he gripped his camera bag earlier.

He heard Jisung grunt, “Get up! Get up, get up, get up!”

Seungmin realizes Jisung was there, just in time to seize his wrist and prevent him from falling to the river. The elder was making use of both of his hands, but he was still struggling, and it was enough to snap Seungmin out of his trance and hoist himself up to the stone, his heartbeat raging from nervousness.

He stood in front of Jisung, the tip of their noses brushing against each other. Seungmin knew that this time, his heartbeat was raging because of two reasons.

“You okay?” Jisung asked, still not letting go of Seungmin’s wrist, his breath fanning against the younger’s face.

Seungmin holds his own breath and nods, pulling his hand away and jumping with ease to the ground without speaking a word. He calms down with the thought that he’s stepping on sweet, safe grass right now, his camera still safe, his whole body dry.

He looked up at the sky, checking if there were any signs of the Blood Moon again.

The gray clouds looked back at him, making him sigh.

“Told you you passed gym class,” Jisung huffed behind him, making Seungmin aware of his presence again.

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “After failing two times,” he repeated.

Jisung held out an index finger, “Point is, you passed.”

21:30. 

Just thirty minutes, Seungmin tried to reassure himself, it’s just been thirty minutes of waiting for the Blood Moon and meteor shower. There’s still five more hours to spare.

Though he doesn’t expect he’d get to witness the meteor shower anymore. That kind of phenomenon doesn’t really last long, and he doesn’t sulk on it because he’s seen meteor showers countless times already. What he doesn’t want to miss is the Blood Moon. If the universe was mean enough to deprive him of that sight—he’d lock himself in his bedroom for days.

They reach the treehouse in no time, since climbing really wasn’t an issue for the two of them. (Hopping on stones in the middle of the river is an entirely different thing, and requires an entirely different level of stamina and skill.) Seungmin is the first to enter and he relishes the familiar scent of old, sturdy wood—the scent has lingered on this place for decades already.

He wandered his eyes around as he hoisted himself in, seeing that nothing had exactly changed. There were still posters of K-Pop groups and Western bands—Seungmin had even immediately spotted Jisung’s poster of a Vespa taped to one of the walls, tattered and its colors dull, but still identifiable. It was when Jisung had been longing to own a Vespa and nothing more.

I don’t know what career to take in the future, said teen-aged boy Jisung, tapping his pen against his chin as he stared at his Career Plan paper, I just know I want a Vespa.

Lucky for him, his parents could afford one. He got the vehicle the moment he got his license.

Seungmin dragged his feet towards one of the two windows of the house—just a square that’s big enough to poke his head out. Because of the fear nestled in his chest when they were still out there, at the river, Seungmin never really got the chance to appreciate its beauty. From up here, it was majestic, the moonlight dancing with its small, steady waves. It’s a shame the one capable of the moonlight couldn’t even be seen right now.

“An old bag of chips, huh,” commented Jisung, crouching down at the corner and picking up a bag of Doritos, “free snack?”

Seungmin made a face. “Ew.”

“I was joking, sheesh,” said Jisung, doing as he’s told. He walked towards Seungmin and squeezed himself to get a view of the scenery, too, his round cheeks pressing against Seungmin’s. The younger purses his lips and hopes he doesn’t melt at their proximity. “Wait…is that…” 

Jisung’s eyes squint, and Seungmin follows the elder’s line of sight. When he sees what the other has spotted from approximately three blocks upstream away, his jaw drops. “What the…”

“I think it’s new,” Jisung said, darting his head away from the window. “I haven’t seen that bridge before. Never in my life.”

“There’s a bridge,” Seungmin pointed out, incredulity consuming his words, “there’s a bridge and we—we hopped—”

“And we did a good job hopping!” Jisung clapped his hands, grinning, and Seungmin’s lips quivered.

It isn’t annoyance that’s bubbling inside of him—sure, he’s taken aback by what they discovered as of now, but he can’t help but find this predicament somehow…hilarious. It’s true—a bridge wasn’t built there before, at least none that he or Jisung know of. They never wondered what was on the other side of the river, anyway.

They could’ve walked across the bridge, but… 

Seungmin fell into a peal of laughter, shaking his head in disbelief. It wasn’t long before Jisung joined him, and Seungmin thought he felt Jisung’s stare linger on him for too long before the other heaved a sigh and directed his gaze outside, pointing at the still uncooperative sky.

“The moon’s a bit shy with her new red lipstick tonight,” Jisung jokes, making himself comfortable on the wooden floor and leaning his back against the wall. He fished his phone out, though his eyes were still on Seungmin. “You mind waiting here or should we choose another location?”

“Waiting here is more than fine,” Seungmin reassured him, silently hoping that no one else who knew about this treehouse’s existence would think of going. For now, he just wanted it to be him and Jisung. Not because he enjoyed the thought of them alone together—he just really preferred watching the night sky with a few people close by.

Jisung gave a small smile before he started scrolling on his phone. He looked uneasy all of the sudden, and Seungmin was about to ask the other what was up, because Jisung had been fiddling more times than necessary earlier—but Jisung looked up from his phone and their eyes met, and the both of them broke eye contact at the same time.

Well that was silly. It looked like they weren’t best friends.

Seungmin cleared his throat, seeing from his peripheral vision that Jisung was already looking. He fumbled through his camera bag to have an excuse to not lock eyes with the other, and he asked, “Something bothering you?”

The younger took a glance. Just a glance at how Jisung’s body would react to that. The other parted his mouth and Seungmin thought he was ready to talk about it, but he bit his lower lip and tapped his index finger against his thigh. With a shake of his head, the elder answered, “Just fidgety. Maybe from the coffee.”

“Jisung…” Seungmin pushed his lips together and went over his words, not wanting to unintentionally push his best friend’s buttons, “I’m not forcing you to tell me everything, just be honest—everything fine?”

“Yes,” Jisung replied again. His body says otherwise, but the look in his eyes was screaming at Seungmin to believe him. And Seungmin guessed he should. Jisung doesn’t lie to him, they don’t lie to each other, and if they did it would be for a necessary reason. “Everything’s great, actually. Just…fidgety.”

“If it’s because my camera almost died earlier, then I’d understand,” said Seungmin, anxious to change the topic. He didn’t want Jisung to be uncomfortable.

The words that came out of the elder’s lips caught Seungmin off guard. “It’s not about that. It’s about something else.”

Seungmin’s hands stop fiddling with his camera. He met Jisung’s eyes, which held nothing but sincerity and trust. Trust that Seungmin would trust him.

“Okay,” Seungmin said instead, “do you want to talk about it?”

Jisung shook his head, making the other frown. “Not now.”

“Then it’s okay.” Seungmin smiled softly and got his camera out of the bag. “But when you’re ready, I’m here.”

Jisung nodded in understanding before turning his eyes on the screen again, and Seungmin’s gaze rested on the other a few beats longer before he eventually diverted his attention to his camera, fiddling with it even though it won’t be of use unless the Blood Moon finally shows itself tonight.

He smiles to himself as a memory knocks on his brain. The set-up is familiar, taking him back to the moment that they first went here.

Seungmin failed the test.

It wasn’t because he didn’t study, it was even the opposite—he stayed up all night, memorizing terms and understanding the concepts. He didn’t realize it was two a.m. already, so he slept, and woke up late, went to school late, and when the paper was handed to him, his mind blanked out. Every knowledge he had packed inside his brain had been discarded that instant.

It was one of his worst nightmares. He dreaded the day such misery would happen to him—and it did. 

He masked his disappointment the best that he could. His only friend in class, Hyunjin, didn’t notice. One of the seniors he was close to, Chan hyung, didn’t show any signs of noticing either as they went on with their org activities.

When it was finally time to go home, he lied to Hyunjin that he needed errands to run and took the long way home. A part of him wanted to steer his mind away from what transpired, a part of him wanted to at least talk about it to someone, but really, he wasn’t certain how to. It’s a failed test. Everyone fails a test every once in a while, but still…

Seungmin’s eyes were glued to his shoes the entire time he walked, causing him to bump into someone, spilling their drinks which looked like Iced Americano. The said person cursed as Seungmin finally snapped out of his thoughts, cursing at himself internally as he murmured apologies at the other.

His eyes stung. He felt worse than he was earlier. Maybe this was one of the days when one dilemma would stack on top of the other; a stone poured into a glass, then added another stone, and another, until the water finally spilled out of it.

Seungmin tries to hold it in, merely wiping his eyes before looking at the person he bumped into, only to find out it was Han—a classmate of his.

“Kim,” said Han, seemingly surprised.

Seungmin nodded, putting on the monotonous face he’d been wearing since earlier. “Han.”

Han sized him up, as if Seungmin was wearing a concerningly hideous outfit for the day, when really it was just his unironed uniform, with creases all over. Seungmin consciously pulls the hem of his polo, as if that would straighten it.

“You…you okay?” Han asked, his words carrying worry.

Seungmin pursed his lips. His first instinct was to say no, or to shake his head at least, and just continue walking until he can finally reach his room and bawl his eyes out. But he stayed still, his mind blanking out the same way it did when he was handed the questionnaire.

Suddenly, Han’s figure became blurry. A sob clawed its way out of Seungmin’s throat, and all he knew is he broke down in front of a classmate he barely knew. He can see Han’s fuzzy figure shifting on his feet, as if debating with himself what to do, and all Seungmin knew is that the other’s hand was on his back, rubbing it reassuringly.

Seungmin wiped his tears away. He was starting to reel in attention towards them. Most of the customers spilling out of the cafe were glancing at them curiously. Some passersby straight up stared at him. His tear ducts were frustratingly stubborn, though—it seemed like the more he wiped his tears away, the more they fell.

He cursed, out loud this time, maybe startling Han who was still by his side.Why was the guy even still here when they barely knew each other?

“Just let it all out,” the other said.

From the corner of Seungmin’s eyes, he saw Han smile gently. He sniffled, and replied, “People are already watching.”

He’d let everything out and maybe people would even start recording him, and the next thing he knew his face would be on every SNS out there. “ RELATABLE CONTENT: Teenage boy cries out of nowhere!” He’d rather not. He preferred keeping things low key.

“Then…let’s go somewhere else,” his classmate suggested.

Seungmin’s brows are pulled together as he asked, “Where?”

“My secret place!” Han grinned; it was the grin he always wore when he made a joke in the middle of the class. The teachers never got mad at him. He was the crowd’s favorite. Han had that sort of charm in him—he got along with everyone, except Seungmin. Seungmin thought he was too intimidating or boring for Han’s tastes. “Except, well, it’s not completely secret, but most of the time it’s really just me there.”

A long exhale runs past Seungmin’s lips as he finally calms down a bit, trying to consider Han’s offer. After a few beats and sniffling, he nods. “Okay. Lead me there.”

What he didn’t know was that Han was leading him to a friendship that would last a thousand lifetimes.

“Hey, Kim, you’re staring.” Jisung snapped his fingers, and Seungmin’s startled by the mere sound of it, shaking his head and dragging his gaze towards a grinning Jisung. “Like staring at my face so much?”

Seungmin’s heart hiccuped at the joke, but he showed an unimpressed face. “No, you idiot.” He couldn’t come up with a better retort. Half of his thoughts were still back at his first genuine encounter with Jisung.

They were just like this—in this treehouse, with Jisung saying that Seungmin can talk to him about whatever’s bothering him that day. Seungmin was rambling over and over, his sentences composed of sobs and stuttering, and Jisung merely listened from a few feet away.

From that day forward, well…they just clicked. The next thing they knew, they’re the best of friends. Seungmin would go to class and Jisung’s there, greeting him with that huge smile and booming voice of his. They sat together during lunch (Jisung and Hyunjin didn’t even get along that much, but they managed their relationship later on). Went home together…and had multiple, countless sleepovers, gazing at the night sky from their bedroom windows.

This was where they first talked. Where they had their first real fight. First time crying together as they made up. First time Seungmin opened up to him about his dreams, and Jisung, as well. Inevitably, this is where Seungmin first realized he was in love with Jisung, too.

“Have I told you about the new song I’m composing?” Jisung suddenly asks, and the next thing Seungmin knows is that the elder’s scooting his way towards where Seungmin is.

“Which one of those? Alien, or the one inspired by Kimi No Nawa?”

“The former.” Jisung showed him his phone screen, and the notes app flashed on it. “I think it suits the occasion, night sky and all.”

Seungmin reads the titles under the “watch me wip and weep” folder, most of which he’s familiar with already. But an unfamiliar title catches his eye, and it’s even a locked note created years back, which tugs the curiosity sleeping at the corner of Seungmin’s brain. Jisung usually shares all of his works with Seungmin, and there’s no problem if he doesn’t, but Seungmin’s not used to that so—

“What’s Close?” Seungmin unveils his curiosity, eyes still glued on the title. “That one new, too?”

Jisung’s eyes widened and he started mumbling something incoherent, all while hastily deleting the Close note on his phone, right thumb clumsily sliding the note to the left before pressing the trash icon. Seungmin’s eyes squint at the other’s reaction, while Jisung only snaps his fingers repeatedly again.

“Work in progress,” he said flatly, opening the Alien note this time.

Seungmin nodded. He wanted to point out that all of the notes there are a work in progress, but he zipped his lips and started reading the first verse of Alien. Jisung still looked a bit restless, watching Seungmin’s reactions expectantly, so Seungmin does his best to get his mind off of what transpired earlier and focus his attention to the lyrics sprawled before him.

And to say he was amazed would be an understatement. Jisung has been composing songs for the heavens for how long already, and Seungmin has been listening and reading the lyrics he wrote for as long, as well. Every phrase, every line that Jisung would come up with had always made Seungmin wonder, How does he even come up with metaphors so beautiful and accurate like these?

Jisung would always say it’s just a work in progress. He’d always say he’s still got a long way to go, a lot to improve. But the both of them know that there’s some sense of pride hidden in his words. It’s a WIP, he still has a lot to learn—but he’s done pretty good, too. Jisung’s confidence is unwavering, and Seungmin liked that about him.

“I wish I had brought my guitar with me,” Jisung said with a sigh, pulling the phone out of Seungmin’s line of sight and pretending he was strumming a guitar, “but it kinda slipped my mind.”

“You can still sing it to me, though.”

A smile made its way to the elder’s lips. “I’ll always sing my songs to you.”

Seungmin’s heart skips a beat, and he resists the urge to rest his palm against his chest. “Yeah. You always do.”

Jisung clears his throat, briefly explaining that he’s still testing the waters for the melody, but he’s already got a gist of what he wants to do with the chorus. Seungmin throws in suggestions here and there, and Jisung doesn’t waste a second in jolting them down.

Just as when Jisung parts his lips to sing, they’re interrupted by an incoherent conversation below. They both give each other confused looks before Jisung’s poking his head out the window. While the elder is busy checking out what was happening below, Seungmin sighs at the gray sky, the clouds too lazy to move an inch for him.

“It’s Minho hyung and Chan hyung!” Jisung beamed, preventing Seungmin from slipping into a new batch of pessimistic thoughts about the Blood Moon. “Let’s go down and greet them.”

Seungmin merely blinks. Chan hyung and Minho hyung? It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him—those two were high school sweethearts, and they’re one of the few couples who still has their games strong after years of being together. Almost all of the high school sweethearts he’s known (Hyunjin and San, Chaeryeong and Ryujin, Mark and Donghyuck) haven’t ended on good terms.

When he already climbed down the treehouse, Chan and Jisung were already busy chatting, the former’s back turned on Minho, who was busy searching for something on the grass with the use of his foot, as if he didn’t want to make it obvious. But Seungmin was kind of an observative fella.

He stood beside Minho, who stiffened, placed his hands behind his back and only nodded at Seungmin in greeting. They weren’t particularly close. In fact, if Minho wasn’t Jisung’s childhood friend and Chan’s boyfriend; if Seungmin wasn’t Jisung’s best friend and Chan’s close friend, they would’ve never acknowledged each other’s existence. Their first meeting was supposed to turn out pretty badly, too—if only the both of them hadn’t known somewhere in between their argument that they were closely acquainted with the two of their most treasured people.

“Everything good?” Seungmin asked, looking at the ground to get a gist of what Minho would be searching for. Add the fact that the elder isn’t asking for help for the two closest people around him.

Minho pursed his lips and stared intently at Seungmin’s face, as if there was a Math problem on the younger’s features that he needed to calculate. He darted a quick glance to the preoccupied Jisung and Chan, then whispered, “Can you help me?”

“What do I need to find?”

Seungmin’s straightforward remark made Minho’s forehead crease, but he closed his eyes and shook his head, then pointed to the ground by puckering his lips. His voice still low, not wanting anyone else to hear, he answered, “Ring. Proposal. Now.”

It was Seungmin’s turn to crease his forehead, the three words spoken to him like a foreign language he has never heard of. As it processed inside his head, his eyes turned into saucers, and he had to cover his lips to prevent the incredulous gasp that almost came out. Out of disbelief—in a good way—he took a step back, noticing he’d stepped on something.

That must be it, Seungmin thought, not explaining anything to Minho as he stepped his foot away and saw something glistening amidst the dark grass, oh my god, he’s proposing to Chan hyung. Chan hyung gets a proposal. During the Blood Moon.

Chan’s one of the few people who knew how special this phenomenon could be. They were in the same org back in high school, anyway, which focused on astronomy. He’s on the Facebook page. He tweeted about how he’s excited to witness the Blood Moon with Minho—who Seungmin was sure had no clue about what really excited Chan.

To Jisung and Minho, this Blood Moon excited Seungmin and Chan just because of the same reason everyone else is hyping it up.

Seungmin got the ring immediately, not bothering to stare at it because Jisung may spot him and interrogate and Minho’s surprise would blow up. He discreetly passed the ring to Minho (he resisted gushing about how elegant and beautiful the diamond on the top looked, and how it catered to Chan’s tastes), who only gave a small smile, nodded at him, then cleared his throat to get the other two’s attention.

“Ah, we’re taking too long,” said Chan, chuckling and going near Minho, wrapping an arm around the latter’s waist. “You guys can go back to the treehouse. Minho and I will get going, too.”

“Where are you off to?” Seungmin asked, pushing down the excitement building inside of him, along with the triumph he felt when Minho shot him a look. After all these years, can’t Minho trust him? He’s not going to spill something as precious as this to Chan.

Chan obviously didn’t notice anything. It was just a vague question. He looked at the sky first before answering Seungmin, “The bridge by the river. I told Minho I wanted to see the Blood Moon reflecting off the waters the moment it appears.”

“But it’s not cooperating,” joined Jisung, pouting. “Minnie has been waiting for it, too.”

“I’m sure he is,” Chan said, shooting Seungmin a teasing look that made the blood jolt to his ears. He keeps the look on when he talks to Jisung, “This event’s special, you know. He invited you to join him?”

Jisung shook his head. “I think this doofus forgot to tell me. I wouldn’t have remembered if I didn’t go to their house earlier.”

The surprise on Chan’s face was hard to miss. “He really forgot to tell you something as special as the Blood Moon?” He shot Seungmin another meaningful look, one that neither Minho nor Jisung would understand—or Chan might’ve already spilled the beans to Minho, who knows?

“Preoccupied,” Seungmin chimed in, anxious to change the topic. He didn’t invite Jisung on purpose because he was a coward and he took things like this seriously. But he wasn’t going to say it.

Chan merely nodded, intertwining his fingers with Minho’s. With the knowledge of what’s about to happen later, Seungmin smiles.

“I think Minnie and I should go find another location,” Jisung said, draping his arm over Seungmin’s shoulder. “We’re trying to find a place without clouds. You know Seungmin—he doesn’t want to miss out on something like this.”

“I know,” said Chan, resting his gaze on Seungmin. “You should take every opportunity tonight.”

“Exactly!” Jisung agreed, the huge grin present on his face once more.

Most people would think that Chan was pertaining to the Blood Moon. Knowing the elder knows about the secret behind it, and Seungmin’s own secret feelings for Jisung, he’s sure another kind of ‘opportunity’ is suggested to be taken.

Unfortunately for Bang Chan, the certainty of Seungmin taking that chance is as clear as the sky tonight.

***

“Okay, before we reach there, tell me where you think we’re headed!” Jisung screamed.

Seungmin already had the answer way back when the night air started to turn colder, and the faint melody of the waves crashing against the shore faded into hearing. Seungmin let out a contented sigh when he realized where they were headed—aside from the treehouse, this was one of the places they treasured the most.

Like the treehouse, it wasn’t some sort of secret private luxurious getaway. This place was open to the public. Actually, it was even open to the public most summer days. People of all ages, a citizen of this town or not, would hit the brakes once this beach came into view.

Tonight, moon or not, the beach looked stunning as always. Seungmin wasted no time in removing his helmet and handed it to Jisung, who was chuckling and telling him to hold his horses as the elder removed his own gear. Once the two of them were ready, Seungmin seized Jisung’s wrist and practically dragged him towards the beach.

“I might not sulk too much about the Blood Moon with this,” Seungmin remarked with a sigh, closing his eyes and spreading his arms when a cold gust flew towards him. He heard the sand sink against Jisung’s weight behind him, but he stayed still, until Jisung placed his hands on Seungmin’s waist and rested his chin on the younger’s shoulder.

“I knew you’d do that,” Seungmin said, not opening his eyes. He wished the proximity wasn’t enough for Jisung to hear his heart pick up its pace.

Jisung let out a low chuckle. “You flying, Rose?”

“Eh.” Seungmin opened his eyes and rested his hands on Jisung’s, turning his head around to meet the elder’s eyes. Their noses were almost brushing this time—unlike earlier, back at the stones. “Would flying mean I’d go past the clouds and see the moon?”

Jisung shrugged, now letting go—unfortunately—and sitting on the sand despite having no blanket whatsoever. Seungmin didn’t hesitate to join him. He used to, but the more they made sudden trips here, the more he started to not care anymore.

“You mind waiting here? Or do you want to rent a cabin and sleep for a while?” Jisung asked, already eyeing the small cabins on the further side of the beach. The cabins were small and could fit two people max, made out of worn wood and rusted yero. 

Only a few people rented the place, including Seungmin and Jisung, because it was cheap and could fit their budget. Of course Jisung could afford a fancier place to stay in—but no other hotels had this view, had this ocean. And the cabins brought a wave of nostalgia for Seungmin—every little thing about this place did.

With the nervousness running around his chest, he feels like his heart’s about to burst any minute; explode and shatter to pieces. He wants to stay calm, he really does, and this beach was supposed to help but his mind’s just—

“Minnie!”

Seungmin snapped his head up to the familiar voice, and amidst the light fog he could already make out his best friend’s figure. He saw Jisung waving his hands, and it wasn’t a second before Seungmin pushed his feet against the sand to wrap his arms around the elder and bury his face against the crook of Jisung’s shoulders.

The rage inside his chest gradually subsided. Jisung’s heartbeat, Jisung’s breathing—they were all as steady as the waves dancing behind him. Seungmin let out a shaky breath and pressed his face closer, as if that was possible.

Jisung rested his hand on Seungmin’s back, and with the same tone he always used for when Seungmin was on the brink of tears, he said, “Hey.”

Seungmin swallowed thickly, allowing a few beats to pass before he pulls away and meets Jisung’s eyes. “Hey.”

Jisung smiled gently, ruffling Seungmin’s hair. “Want to rent a cabin for tonight?”

Without hesitation, Seungmin nodded.

The lady managing the cabins was half-asleep when they made the payment. Jisung didn’t bother to care. As soon as they were done with that, they went to the nearest cabin, opened the small light there, and sat on the wooden floor, face-to-face.

“Bummer I didn’t bring food,” Jisung said, attempting to make small conversation. He tapped his index finger against his lap, and decided maybe it was best to go straight to the point. “So…the beach…at this hour.”

Seungmin didn’t say anything, although he did have a reason for calling Jisung to join him at the beach late at night. He’d been busy the whole day catering to guests and relatives since it was his brother’s graduation that he didn’t have the time to check his phone. He almost forgot he was supposed to check his emails until today, around two a.m., and instead of just getting it over with, he took a sudden trip to the beach and called Jisung to meet him.

It was as if his feet just functioned on autopilot, even. He wasn’t aware where he was peddling his bike until he reached his destination.

“My college,” Seungmin started, plucking out the words to get out of his chest, “I mean—the one I applied for. Dream university.”

Jisung nodded. “I heard they sent out the emails today.”

“They did.”

Silence.

Seungmin inhaled deeply, then closed his eyes to collect his thoughts. After a few breaths, he admitted, “I haven’t checked mine yet.”

He didn’t expect Jisung to ask why. Most people would, but Jisung already understood him. And with understanding laced in the elder’s gaze he held Seungmin’s cold hands, nodding gently and saying, “You want us to check it together?”

Seungmin pursed his lips and nodded, taking out his phone. “I mean…for better or for worse you gotta have your best friend by your side, right?”

“Of course.” Jisung moved closer to Seungmin, just so the both of them could look at his phone screen together. “And you gotta admit—I’m good at taking both good news and bad news.”

“Don’t flatter yourself too much.”

“Not a chance.”

Seungmin chuckled, shaking his head and opening his e-mail app. The screen loaded for a sec, until it finally showed all of Seungmin’s recent mails, with the one from his dream university placed at the very top, displayed with bold letters as it’s still unopened.

Dream university. Dream course. There’s nothing else Seungmin wants as of the moment.

If he doesn’t get in…

The gentle squeeze on his hand pulls him away from his thoughts. Jisung’s the one to pull him away from his thoughts.

Even though it’s just the two of them in this cramped cabin, even though there wasn’t anyone around who would find this conversation interesting enough to eavesdrop in, Jisung mouthed, “I’m here.”

With the way Jisung mouthed it, it’s like a secret they both share. I’m here. This is theirs to hold and keep, only theirs to treasure and cherish. I’m here.

Seungmin is always comforted by the fact that Jisung’s here.

“Right,” he said, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tapped on the mail.

“Why did you close your eyes?” Jisung asked.

Seungmin couldn’t make out the other’s tone. He wanted to base the news on Jisung’s reaction—was it good news or bad news? Why did Jisung sound almost monotone? Was he messing with Seungmin or were Seungmin’s own anxious thoughts messing with himself?

Seungmin opens his eyes a bit. A bit. He still can’t see anything.

“Hey, I’m here, okay?”

Seungmin presses his lips together.

Jisung’s here.

He opened his eyes, then read the lines carefully.

JYP UNIVERSITY APPLICATION STATUS
STUDENT ID: 9220025
LAST NAME: Kim
FIRST NAME: Seungmin
STATUS: Accepted

His heart fell down to his stomach, a mix of emotions crashing into his chest and mind all at the same time—disbelief, happiness, excitement, relief—suddenly he couldn’t comprehend the words written on the mail and he looks at Jisung, who’s smiling at him widely, then the mail, then—

Jisung tackled him into a hug, jumping on him that Seungmin fell to the wooden floor, laughter escaping his lips as he did so. The happiness was flying across the cramped cabin and Jisung’s fingers make its way to tickle Seungmin’s stomach and the latter writhes, laughing as he pleads, “No—wait—stop—”

“This is a congratulatory tickle!” Jisung said, pausing to catch his breath because as Seungmin’s laughing, he’s laughing alongside him, as well. He’s still straddling Seungmin, the smile never leaving his face. “Congrats, Minnie. I knew you’d pass it.”

“Well—” Seungmin huffed, propping himself up on his elbow, “it’s hot in here.”

He didn’t mean to say it. He was supposed to say that he’s thankful or that he still couldn’t believe that he passed his dream course and dream university, but the humid air courtesy of the small space was getting to him. And laughing out loud for minutes with your best friend on top of you didn’t help.

“Oh.” Seungmin must’ve been imagining it, or it must’ve been the heat, because Jisung’s round cheeks were flushed. “Okay. Uh. Go outside?”

Seungmin has already stood up at this point, and he pulls the hem of his shirt with the grin on his face, “Race you there.”

“Quooo—” Jisung slurred, then as he finished what he wrote on the sand, he waved the stick like it was a wand, “—kka!”

“Quokka,” Seungmin repeated, but he was frowning. “That’s a quokka? It looks like you.”

Jisung merely blinked, and he turned his eyes to the doodle he made on the sand. “I’ll take that as a compliment. I’m cute, right? You find me cute, don’t you?”

Seungmin scoffed, though Jisung doesn’t know that in his head he’s tempted to say Yes and tease the elder a bit.

Jisung arched an eyebrow at Seungmin and mimicked the other’s scoff. Seungmin only rolled his eyes at his best friend’s antics, grabbed another nearby stick, then started writing: JISUNG.

“Still cute,” Jisung said with finality, setting his stick aside and checking the sky for any progress. Seungmin looked up at the sky, too, briefly this time as he wasn’t hoping for anything as of the moment. He then checks his wristwatch, which reads 22:45. It’s been an hour since they went here, with nothing worthwhile happening.

Jisung’s presence was an exception. The guy has been distracting Seungmin for an hour, too. First he challenged him to balance rocks, then break rocks—how did he even think of such?—before they started doodling on the sand with sticks they found here and there. They had a staring contest, played rock, paper, scissors, and that little game where you add and subtract your fingers.

It’s all little, silly games—but Jisung made them enjoyable. Seungmin almost forgot about the Blood Moon, if it weren’t for Jisung’s constant glancing up at the sky, as well. He’d subtly trail his gaze upwards, then hold back a disappointed sigh once he sees nothing has changed.

“You should sleep,” Jisung said after a few beats, placing his hand inside his pocket.

“Too early,” Seungmin countered, but really all this waiting was making his energy and excitement slip away. And he did use some of the energy he had left to play games with Jisung.

“Your eyes say otherwise.” Seungmin shouldn’t have bothered lying to Jisung. “I’ll keep watch and wake you up if—when something happens.”

Seungmin laughed at the last statement, not because of the sudden change of terms but, “You sound like a traveler trying to survive. I’ll keep watch and wake you up when something happens. Yes, captain. Any other orders?”

Jisung shook his head with the grin still evident on his face, and they proceeded to make a rent with Jisung paying for tonight. It surprises them that apparently, they’re not the only ones on the beach tonight, as the first cabin’s already occupied.

As they passed by the said cabin, its doors swung open, revealing two familiar faces—one he’s known since high school, and the other one since his freshman year of college. Seungmin and Jisung stopped in their tracks, as well as Hyunjin and Changbin, the two pairs staring at each other in surprise.

“Hyung!” Jisung grinned, dashing towards Changbin for a high five, which the latter accepted with a grin, as well. “Have you read the texts I sent you on KaTalk? It was for this rap I was composing.”

Changbin rubbed the back of his neck, and Seungmin wasn’t sure if his eyes were deceiving him, but it looked as if there were purple bruises on some parts of the elder’s skin. But knowing he’s with Hyunjin, Seungmin shouldn’t have been that surprised.

“Kinda occupied,” explained Changbin briefly, but he flashed a small smile at Jisung. “Can I take a look at it now, though?”

Jisung looked like he was about to say yes, but stopped and turned to look at Seungmin.

Seungmin waved a hand. “It’s okay. I’ll catch up with Hyunjin here.” Hyunjin waved a hand at Jisung. “You guys take your time.”

“Sweet,” Changbin said, then patted Jisung on the back. “Now about that rap?”

While the two musicians drifted into their own world, Seungmin turned to face Hyunjin, who wasn’t able to look at him while a shade of pink started to dust his cheeks. 

Seungmin rolled his eyes with a smirk tugging at his lips. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know Hyunjin’s relationship with Changbin. The seven of them who were left drinking that night—they were four freshmen, with Changbin, Chan and Minho already ahead—knew that Hyunjin and Changbin slept around, drunk, before they decided to start a friends-with-benefits kind of relationship.

Everyone knew what happened that night. Someone accidentally started a live on TikTok and it became viral. A couple argued about cats and dogs—which was better, yada yada. Even Seungmin, slightly intoxicated, made out with someone as drunk as him—they dated for a couple of months before they ended things. And there was Changbin and Hyunjin, who still apparently continued the FWB thing.

“You don’t have to be all shy about it,” said Seungmin, patting Hyunjin’s shoulder. “It’s cool.”

“It’s not.” Hyunjin snorted, now finally able to meet Seungmin’s eyes. “Actually, I—I don’t even know why I’m still doing this. Doing it with him.”

The sudden confession made Seungmin frown, and even though they were already out of earshot from Jisung and Changbin, he pulled Hyunjin further away from the two, then asked, “You don’t like what you’re doing anymore?”

Hyunjin bit his lip, unable to answer.

Seungmin knew Hyunjin since they were in high school. He was the closest friend he had in school before the treehouse thing with Jisung. He knows how emotional Hyunjin could be—but he sets aside his feelings for the sake of someone else’s. Seungmin was afraid that Hyunjin continued to sleep around with Changbin even though the former probably didn’t put his heart into it anymore.

“If you’re uncomfortable—”

“No, I’m fine, it’s not like—” Hyunjin covered his face and took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m fine with this setup…but at the same time, I’m not.”

Hyunjin looked back at Changbin, who was busy discussing things with Jisung, the both of them holding their phones with the notes app open. Seungmin shifted his gaze to Hyunjin, whose eyes held a look of longing that was hard to miss, even though he literally had just been with Changbin earlier.

Seungmin doesn’t say it, but when he and Hyunjin’s orbs met, the latter knew he understood.

“I am an idiot,” Hyunjin announced with a forced smile, running a hand through his hair.

Seungmin shook his head, opened his mouth to comfort the other, but paused. He knew how sensitive Hyunjin could be, too. One wrong word—even if it’s unintentional—could break the dam that’s holding back Hyunjin’s tears.

Seungmin merely said, “I’m an idiot, too.”

He was talking about Jisung. Falling in love with his best friend who he doubted ever felt the same way. Sure, Jisung sparked his hopes up every now and then, but Seungmin felt like he was fooling himself. Jisung’s…well, he would’ve fallen for someone better.

Hyunjin didn’t pick up the message, though. He thought Seungmin was pertaining to someone else. “How are you two after the breakup?”

Seungmin hasn’t been thinking about it these past few days. Even though it was more of a fling, more of a spontaneous decision Seungmin wasn’t able to ride throughout, he knew that some part of him was hurt. He’s hurt seeing a friend hurt, and was guilty that he’s the reason behind that pain. His ex had loved him truly—and he hadn’t known—while he thought the two of them both decided to date to…pass by time, maybe.

“We don’t talk,” Seungmin said, his voice lower than he intended it to be. “It’s been a month since the breakup. A month since we didn’t talk, so…”

“You should talk about it with him,” Hyunjin encouraged, giving a soft smile. “Closure. You guys were pretty close friends before everything, right?”

“Right.” And that pained Seungmin more.

He can’t help but think about Jisung. They’re friends, best of friends, before anything else. If Seungmin decided to jump and fall for Jisung, and the falling part doesn’t exactly work out—would they avoid each other like this? They’ve never avoided each other, except when they fought—but they made up. But that was when they were friends. If they fought and broke up as lovers…could Seungmin handle that?

“No pressure, though,” Hyunjin said, probably noticing how Seungmin’s gaze had become distant. “Just enjoy the night with Jisung.”

Seungmin nodded. He was low key guilty for making the conversation about him. “You should enjoy the night with Changbin, too.”

“Already did.” Hyunjin smirked, which made Seungmin make a face. They both laughed, but when the laughter died, Hyunjin said, “But really…it was nice to get it off my chest. God, we should’ve left it as a one night stand.”

“But you didn’t,” Seungmin countered, “and who knows, it might lead your relationship to something better?”

“It might,” Hyunjin agreed. “Thanks, Seungminnie.”

“No problem.”

The two of them caught up a bit, talked about anything but the shitty relationships they had just conversed about. They talked about college, which sucked, because college is where Hyunjin met Changbin, at that little party—the same went for Seungmin. They redirected their topics to film and photography, which they both agreed on, until Seungmin wasn’t able to hold back a yawn anymore.

“Yikes, I must’ve been boring to talk to,” Hyunjin joked, but Seungmin knew the latter had already noticed the drowsiness occupying his body. “You rented a cabin for tonight?”

“Hmm.” Seungmin nodded to the cabin he was supposed to sleep in. The image of the bunk beds in his head was close to making his knees buckle. “You?”

“We’re already leaving,” replied Hyunjin, then started to slowly push Seungmin to the cabin he just pointed earlier. “Sleep. You need it.”

Maybe Seungmin does.

All he knows is Hyunjin mumbled him a good night, and Jisung’s voice faded into the picture, reassuring Seungmin that he’ll keep watch and would wake him up when the Blood Moon shows. The mention of the phenomenon wasn’t able to wake Seungmin up this time—he just yawned, then drifted off to slumber.

It was 00:03 when Jisung woke him up.

Unfortunately, no Blood Moon still showed up, and Jisung didn’t wake him on purpose. The guy was trying to climb up the top bunk of the bed, but the bed itself was creaking and the noise it made was enough to pull Seungmin out of sleep.

Two hours. There are two hours left until the phenomenon lasts and Seungmin still hasn’t gotten a glimpse of it. He was starting to think he should just stop hoping altogether.

“You want to go somewhere else?” Jisung asked, making himself comfortable beside Seungmin on the bottom bunk.

Seungmin studied Jisung’s face. The latter didn’t look anywhere near tired, but he figured that if he needed Jisung to drive him elsewhere, his best friend should at least get an ounce of sleep. He didn’t want to burden Jisung any further.

“I’ll keep watch now, Captain,” he joked, giving a lazy smile. “You catch some sleep, too. Then let’s return to searching for the treasure chest once you wake up.”

Jisung snorted at Seungmin’s antics. “I’m fine. Ate a lot of chocolate and drank a lot of caffeine earlier. This body can hold up past two a.m.”

Seungmin squinted his eyes at Jisung, trying to guess how much chocolate and caffeine intake the latter had. He wasn’t doubting Jisung’s words—that petite body of his really can stay up way past the sunrise.

“You sure?” The younger asked, still, as he started to wear his shoes.

Jisung had already stood up. “Sure! But do you mind going to a convenience store first? I’m sorta hungry.”

“I don’t mind. But it’s my treat.”

“What—”

“You’re already taking me around and paid for the cabin rental,” Seungmin argued as he started to push Jisung towards the door. “The least I could do is repay with snacks.”

Jisung shrugged, “Is it okay if I add some beer too?”

Seungmin contemplated it—not the price, but why Jisung would think of chugging down beer in the first place. It’s either for a good or a bad reason, and he’s thinking it might be bad with the way Jisung acted uneasy earlier. The elder must’ve eased his nerves earlier, but still…

Seungmin decided not to dwell on it too much. He himself might need some beer later on, in case the Blood Moon really doesn’t show up.

“After the convenience store trip, we go home,” he decided as they started to put on their helmets. “I can’t risk you drinking and driving. You can stay at Wonpil hyung’s room for the night.”

Jisung gaped at Seungmin for a short while before he straightened his back, and gave the younger a salute. “Aye, aye, captain!”

Seungmin snorted. Then he rode on Jisung’s Vespa, hugging the elder’s waist from behind.

***

“Doritos,” Jisung mumbled as he started to detach his helmet, “remind me to get Doritos because I’ve been craving for one since the trip to the treehouse.”

“You go for the beer, then I’ll buy the chips,” suggested Seungmin. He was standing by the convenience store’s entrance, waiting for Jisung to join him. “Also make sure to get plastic cups because I am not in the mood to wash the glasses back at home tonight.”

Seungmin relished the air conditioning of the store once they got in. The breeze was cold outside, but the air conditioning was a bit colder, and Seungmin liked that. The cashier’s back was turned on them as they entered, and they didn’t bother to greet as they went their separate ways—Jisung for the beer, and Seungmin for the Doritos.

He was mentally calculating the amount he’d need to pay; how much beer Jisung was planning to buy, and if he could add a couple of Hot Cheetos along with Jisung’s stash of Doritos. He was contemplating whether to grab a few chocolates or ice cream, too, when he stopped in his tracks as he reached the chip aisle.

The person he’d seen had probably noticed his presence, too. He stopped scanning through the rows of Pringles and gaped at Seungmin, the other’s eyes flashed with surprise, then shaded with an ounce of pain.

The guilt that Seungmin thought he had forgotten made its way to the surface of his chest again.

“Seungmin.”

“Felix.”

Felix pursed his lips, then nodded. “Uh…didn’t expect to see you here this late at night.”

Seungmin found himself not knowing what to reply. He then decided to reply with, “Sudden cravings.”

“Figured.” Felix smiled. It wasn’t the same one that reached his eyes and formed them into crescents. It was the same smile that he gave when he told Seungmin he understood; the smile he wore on the day they broke up. “You…really can’t let go of your sudden cravings, huh?”

Seungmin tried to force a smile, too, snapping himself out of his dazed state. He started fiddling with the bottom hem of his shirt, eyes darting on anything but Felix, then said with a sigh, “But I’m trying to search for ice cream.”

“Ice cream’s the other way,” Felix said, puckering his lips to the opposite direction.

Seungmin pursed his own lips and nodded. “Yeah. I know. Thanks.” He blinked, and added quickly, “Okay, bye.”

Closure my ass, he thought as he dashed to where the ice creams would be, I’m a stuttering mess. I can’t even look at him. I can’t even talk to him properly. How would we ever—

“Hey!”

Seungmin would’ve crashed into Jisung, if only the other hadn’t grabbed his shoulders and met his eyes. The nervousness and panic swelling inside Seungmin’s heart gradually faded away, and he let himself drown in Jisung’s reassuring gaze for a while before he nodded, and asked, “You got the beer?”

“You didn’t get the Doritos,” was Jisung’s reply.

Seungmin sighed, looked back where he came from, and fortunately didn’t spot Felix. Without explaining anything, he first dragged Jisung to the back of the store, saying, “Felix’s here.”

“Felix?” Jisung squinted his eyes. Then, as recognition dawned on him, he snapped his fingers. “Right. Felix.”

Seungmin gave the other a glare, but Jisung wasn’t fazed. “He was searching for chips and…well—”

“It was awkward.”

“Yes, it was awkward and I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know why I’m so nervous and I probably acted shitty by acting nervous and—” Seungmin took a deep breath, stopping the words from stumbling out of his lips altogether. He was a mess. He didn’t understand how Jisung understood at this point.

“And you want to talk to him,” Jisung concluded.

Seungmin never said anything like that, but Jisung was right. Seungmin did want to talk. It’s been a month of ghosting Felix, even when he and Felix told each other that they’d still be friends after breaking up. Seungmin just—he can’t imagine shamelessly pretending that everything was okay with Felix when it wasn’t.

Felix was a rebound. The both of them knew that. The night of the party, they were both drunk, and they kissed—then after that fiasco, with the alcohol still in the system, Felix offered the idea of them dating.

Seungmin almost dropped the bottle of beer he was cleaning up. He opened his lips to reply, then decided he needed a moment.

“I mean…” Seungmin set aside the bottle and scratched his collarbone. “You’re nice, Felix. A really nice guy. It’s just—” He sucked in a breath, then confessed, “I like someone else.”

It was better that he was honest with Felix, rather than making up with some lame excuse as to why he didn’t see dating someone as of the moment. Though the alcohol was slightly messing with him—Felix was a nice guy to date, perhaps. He’s sweet, and cool, and just… Felix. People would say Seungmin would be dumb enough if he rejected the offer.

But he would be dumb to make anyone a rebound, too. He was certain that Felix was a nice guy, but he was certain about his feelings for Jisung, too—even if he wasn’t sure about the chance he had with his best friend, he was sure he didn’t care too much about it.

He just loved Jisung freely, without the grasp of unreciprocated feelings holding him back.

“Oh.” Felix’s lips fell flat, then he shrugged. “Is it Minho hyung?”

Seungmin leaned slightly away from Felix out of disbelief. “He’s dating Chan hyung.”

“No, like, do you have a crush on him?”

“No,” Seungmin emphasized, not bothering to mask the disgust rolling off his tongue. “Why did you think of that?”

“You were staring at him the whole night,” Felix explained, his once flat lips now curved up to an amused smile. “So I just…well,  I guessed—”

“No, no, no, no no no,” Seungmin repeated with an incredulous laugh. “Scowling would’ve been a better term than staring. Minho hyung and I don’t get along. But we’ll get used to each other’s presence.”

He’s Jisung’s childhood friend and Chan hyung’s significant other, anyway. Seungmin is Jisung’s best friend and Chan hyung’s treasured friend, too. They have to get used to each other’s presence.

Seungmin and Felix continued to clean up in silence, accompanied by Minho’s cursing in his sleep. He and Chan were cuddling on one of the sofas. Changbin and Hyunjin made good use of Chan’s guest room. Jeongin passed out on the couch, holding his phone, and fortunately the kid was still sober enough to end the accidental TikTok live. Though Felix suspected he’d be famous for it afterwards. 

Seungmin was the one who initiated cleaning up the place, since he wasn’t used to leaving spaces in a mess. And though he was sure Felix was just tempted to barge into Chan’s room and sleep there, the freckled boy had decided to help him. They were the only ones sober enough to clean up (but not exactly sober enough to avoid the make out session they had earlier).

“Besides…” Seungmin found himself saying a few moments later, still not over the fact that he confessed to Felix that he liked someone. “The person’s not here anyway. He doesn’t go to college.”

Seungmin does plan on introducing Jisung to his newfound friends when he has the chance. He just felt like Jisung would get along with them easily, just like he did with everybody.

“Still,” Felix said, stacking the used plastic cups on top of one another, “the offer stands.”

Seungmin’s heart hiccuped. He was sure he didn’t like Felix—not romantically. He liked Felix as a friend, but the idea of them dating was starting to get to him, and he was starting to consider it’s not that bad of an idea.

Felix smiled at Seungmin. “Just…test the waters. See if you can try dating anyone else.”

“You’re offering to be a rebound,” Seungmin deadpanned.

“Yeah, but…well, who knows?”

Who knows?

The day after, with the hangover banging at his head, Seungmin still couldn’t believe he had just agreed to date Lee Felix. The guy was too good for him. And when he spilled the news to Jisung, his best friend looked shocked.

“You sure about this?” Jisung asked, now staring at the ice cream tub he had in his hands.

Seungmin wasn’t sure, exactly. But he remembered what Felix had told him. “We’re just going to give it a shot. Who knows?”

Jisung’s stare was distant, and he only nodded, focusing on eating his chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Seungmin focused on his own vanilla ice cream, too, thinking already of what to wear for his date with Felix later that night.

The first few weeks of them dating had turned out well. Seungmin enjoyed Felix’s presence. They bonded over music and video games, and it turned out Felix also had a sister who was into astronomy, and Seungmin would visit the Lee residence just so he could take a look at all of the books and equipment Felix’s sister had—and, also, to cuddle with Felix.

Jisung had started to become more distant at the same time, but Seungmin figured his best friend was just busy. They were investing in their own lives—Seungmin with college and Felix, and Jisung with music and finding a good company to audition in. They’d still catch up from time to time, send each other messages and video chat every once in a while. But they didn’t hang out that much. The messages were short. The calls were brief.

Seungmin didn’t want to be bothered by it, but when Jisung’s birthday came, that was when he started to become uneasy.

[ seungmin 00:00 | HAPPPPYYY BDDDAAAAYYY!!! ]

[ seungmin 00:00 | am i the first one to greet? tell me i’m the first one to greet ]

It’s some sort of thing between them. They want to be the ones greeting each other the first and the last.

Jisung immediately read the message. However, no reply followed. Seungmin waited for a few minutes, but a reply never came. He was about to send another message but Felix texted him, and Seungmin decided to give Jisung a bit of space if his best friend needed it.

Though he didn’t understand why Jisung would need it in the first place. The concern was starting to get to Seungmin, but he redirected his attention to his boyfriend.

[ felix ♡ 00:27 | hey babe! sorry for saying this on a short notice but i rented a place where we could camp and hike and stuff :] you up for it? ]

Seungmin pursed his lips in thought. He was fine wherever they would go, but the same didn’t go for whenever.

[ seungmin 00:27 | when’s this? :O ]

[ felix ♡ 00:28 | later at eleven am if that’s okay with you. it’s one night and two days :D ]

Later. So today. But today was Jisung’s birthday.

Seungmin also knew that Felix did this for his birthday, September 15th. His boyfriend probably wanted to spend the occasion together. Seungmin should’ve told him in advance about Jisung’s birthday, but it also would’ve been a shitty move—Felix knows about the guy Seungmin likes, even if, well, they’re the ones in a relationship.

Seungmin rubbed his temples, then decided to make a quick text message to Jisung.

[ seungmin 00:29 | hey, this is quite urgent. do you have plans to do today? ]

Jisung might’ve probably picked up on what’s happening. Unlike Felix, Jisung knows about the former’s birthday. He knows that Seungmin’s best friend’s and boyfriend’s birthdays are merely a day apart.

This time, the reply was quick.

[ jisung 00:30 | yeah. it’s ok if you’re not around. want to spend this year by myself, and thanks. ]

Seungmin stared at the rather monotonous reply. He started to type to ask what Jisung was up to, and if he had time to meet with Seungmin before the younger prepares for the trip with Felix, but he ended up deleting what he was composing, and instead sent a thumbs up.

He opened his chat box with Felix, then replied.

[ seungmin 00:31 | can’t wait <3 ]

He tried to not think about Jisung during the trip. Fortunately, there were a lot of things to distract him. Felix got a car as a gift, and they sang along to their favorite songs as they made their way to the campsite. They hiked and ate and took pictures, and it was enough to distract Seungmin for a while.

He did his best to focus on what was in front of him. He tried not to wonder about what Jisung was doing right now—how the elder was celebrating his special day, who he celebrated it with, and how it felt to spend it without his best friend. He did his best to not think about the gift he got for Jisung days back, only to give it to him late because Jisung’s got other plans by himself, and Seungmin has other plans with his boyfriend.

But when nighttime came, he couldn’t help it. As Felix cleaned up what they ate, Seungmin picked up his phone, and immediately composed a greeting.

[ seungmin 23:59 | happy birthday again, you doofus. hope i’m the last. ]

He was just in time. After the message was sent, the time read 00:00, and it was already Felix’s birthday.

Focus on Felix, he told himself. Jisung day is over. So get over it.

He made his way to where Felix was, who had his back turned on him. Seungmin wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, then rested his chin on the other’s shoulder. After a quick kiss on Felix’s neck, he started singing a soft happy birthday song.

Felix chuckled, eyes pressed up to crescents as he listened to Seungmin sing. The smile was contagious, because Seungmin found himself smiling, too, as Felix leaned in for a rather slow, yet passionate kiss.

“Move this to the tent?” Felix whispered against their lips when they parted.

Seungmin nodded, pushing any thought about Jisung to the back of his head as he enjoyed his boyfriend’s warmth for the night.

The anxiety came only a week after, on Seungmin’s birthday.

He’s heard about being anxious in relationships before. The anxiety of When is this going to end? or Will we end on good terms or a bad one? or, probably, I just want this to be over with and I don’t know how.

Take Taylor Swift’s Out of the Woods song for example. That perfectly describes one’s anxiety in relationships. 

He’s heard about it, but he didn’t expect to feel it with his relationship with Felix. He certainly didn’t expect to feel it on his birthday.

There were a lot of reasons for him to be anxious despite the amount of lovely birthday greetings he received once the clock struck twelve. Even people he wasn’t close to sent him a message—and he figured it was because Facebook notified them. What surprised him, too, was that Minho greeted him (“hbd ksm”).

It also surprised him that Jisung was the first one to greet.

[ jisung 00:00 | happy birthday seungmin! :) ]

Despite the exclamation point and smiley face, the message still felt monotonous.

He also received a voice message from Felix, but before he could listen to it, he decided to go to Jisung’s chat box and type a message, sending it before he could even hesitate.

[ seungmin 00:00 | thanks! you coming later? :) ]

(His response also sounded monotonous, but he has done that on purpose.)

His mother was holding a party later. They usually just went out to eat, but the mother’s side of the family was visiting Seoul, so the party was meant for two purposes. He briefly told Jisung about it before, who only replied with a, “that’s cool”. He invited Jisung after that, but the elder never replied.

Like now, Jisung didn’t reply.

So Seungmin told himself to not hope.

The party started around six in the evening, and he got out of bed and out of the room to socialize. The mother’s side of the family was nice, and he always knew he was more comfortable with them than the father’s side. He played games with his cousins and took a couple of shots before his friends came, along with Felix.

“Happy birthday!” Felix greeted, giving Seungmin a big hug.

Seungmin hugged him back, but his eyes were searching for someone else. He shouldn’t have expected, though—Jisung wasn’t, still, an official part of the group, anyway. He wouldn’t have come with them.

Or he wouldn’t have come at all.

Seungmin pulled away from the hug. “Thanks.” Then, to the rest, he said, “Help yourselves for some food.”

“Gladly,” said Chan, tugging Minho along with him.

Felix’s fingers intertwined with Seungmin’s, saying, “There sure are a lot of people on your birthday. You didn’t tell me you were a celebrity.”

“I’m actually living a Hannah Montanna life,” Seungmin joked, then waved a dismissive hand. “Those are my relatives.” He met eyes with one of his aunts’ prying stares, and he gulped, already aware of what his aunt was expecting next. “And I think they want to meet you.”

“Wait, what—they do?” Felix asked. His eyes were wide as he followed Seungmin’s line of sight. “You sure?”

Seungmin’s aunt arched an eyebrow, and Seungmin bit back a groan. “Yeah. Sure. The family’s just eating dessert, actually—want to join us?”

“So this is like meeting the family,” Felix commented. He took a deep breath. “I’m meeting your family.”

“They can be…invasive.”

Felix squeezed his hand, “That’s okay. You’re here.”

Seungmin nodded. As they walked over to where his prying aunt is, as Felix greeted her and as his aunt asked him if he wanted to join them for dessert, Seungmin’s eyes scanned the room—but there was still no sign of who he really wanted to be here.

Dessert was delicious, but the sweetness swirling Seungmin’s tongue wasn’t enough to hush down the tension he was feeling. His cousins’ looks were teasing, along with some of his uncles’. He  heard how one of his aunts whispered how good Felix looked.

“So…” Seungmin’s aunt from earlier started, “Felix. You’re not Korean?”

“I am,” said Felix with a polite smile. “I was born and raised in Australia, but we moved here a few years ago. You must’ve heard the accent, right?”

Yuna laughed. “A bit! But the name was what got us. It’s so unique.”

“My Korean name’s Yongbok,” Felix said. He told Seungmin before that he was once ashamed of his name, but now he realized there really was nothing about it to be ashamed of. “You can call me however you like.”

“What does Seungmin call you, though?” Another one of Seungmin’s aunts asked.

Before either Seungmin or Felix could answer, one of Seungmin’s uncles chimed in, “Of course he calls him babe. Or honey. That’s how I used to call you back when we were dating, right?”

“You called me an ugly witch,” his wife retorted, making the table laugh, including the both of them.

“You guys look cute,” Nayeon, the eldest among Seungmin’s cousins, said. “I can’t wait for Minnie to bring you on family reunions in the future.”

“Noona!” Seungmin exclaimed, seeing how his boyfriend’s ears grew hot.

“What? We know him already. He’s a nice kid. I brought my girlfriend to our fam reunion even though it’s just been days since we went out.”

“I’m sure Felix would do well,” his hyung, Wonpil, said, “what kind of games do you play? I’ll be glad to have you on our team.”

“Games?”

“Yeah. We play games. We have two teams—please join mine.”

“No, ours. Join ours!” Nayeon said.

“I invited him first.” Wonpil frowned.

“Doesn’t matter. You’re still welcome to join us, Felix!”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Seungmin cut them off, realizing that Felix didn’t know how to reply to that. He also didn’t want them to start asking…intimidating questions. Jisung has fallen victim to them when one of Seungmin’s aunts mistook him as Seungmin’s boyfriend. “We’ll get going. Please, enjoy dessert.”

“And enjoy the rest of the night with Felix,” his cousin remarked with a wink, and the pink on Felix’s ears spread to his cheeks. “We’re glad to welcome you into the family, Felix.”

“Likewise,” was only Felix’s reply, before Seungmin pulled him out of the table, and the two of them joined the rest of their friends, who were taking shots in the living room. He counted. Five of his friends were here. Including him and Felix, they were seven altogether.

Seungmin didn’t ponder about that family meeting too much, because the moment they sat down, he downed a drink, then wondered why the hell wasn’t Jisung arriving yet? It’s been hours. His birthday’s almost over and Jisung still hasn’t shown up. Wait, no, actually—it’s been weeks. Weeks after they met up and ate ice cream as Seungmin told him about dating Felix. Weeks since they last had a proper conversation.

Jisung has been so distant and what for? Did Seungmin do anything wrong? They didn’t even do anything together for Seungmin to accidentally hurt Jisung’s feelings. They haven’t had a decent conversation for Seungmin to accidentally blurt out something  insensitive.

When Seungmin was about to take another shot, Felix grabbed the cup, and said gently, “Slow down.”

Seungmin blinked, sucked in a breath, and nodded. “Right. I’m sorry.”

“Did…the meeting earlier shake you?” Seungmin’s forehead creased, but Felix didn’t notice as his gaze was fixated on the drink. “Your family’s so welcoming. It’s like they’re expecting me to be a part of the family.”

The creases on Seungmin’s forehead slowly disappeared as he got the gist of what Felix tried to say. Seungmin’s family expected that he and Felix would last long. Felix was meeting them halfway.

And Seungmin…

He’s scared.

He never expected this.

Felix brought up the idea of them to date, and Seungmin had first turned it down with Jisung in mind. But Felix said it was to test the waters, to see if Seungmin was still open to the idea of dating someone else—of feeling something for someone that’s not Jisung.

Felix thought Seungmin already had the answer to that.

Felix thought it was a yes. Yes, Seungmin had moved on, had forgotten about his feelings for his best friend.

In reality, Seungmin himself wasn’t so sure.

Jisung being distant didn’t help. Seungmin was always searching for Jisung as a result of that, and he wasn’t certain if it’s because he got used to the other’s presence or he just really missed his best friend or if it was both. There’s frustration and pain with the thought of Jisung and the fact that he’s not around, and it doesn’t contribute any help to Seungmin trying to make sense of what he feels.

Then there’s Felix. And he swore their relationship was healthy, and great—but Seungmin never expected them to get far. He thought Felix’s offer was to just…get him out of a predicament, maybe. He viewed their relationship as some sort of getaway car but now the tires were flat and the fuel’s run out, and he feels like they can’t go any further.

“I need air,” Seungmin said, standing up. He saw how Chan and Hyunjin gave him concerned looks.

Felix stood up, too. “I’ll go with you.”

Seungmin shook his head at that. “I just…want to be alone.”

Felix frowned, but he still nodded. “Stay safe, okay?”

“Won’t go that far,” Seungmin promised, and dashed outside, taking the stairs that’ll lead him to the rooftop.

He wanted to call Jisung.

He said he wanted to be alone but he wanted Jisung by his side. He wanted to break down and hug Jisung for comfort. He wished he could cry in Jisung’s arms as he tells the other of everything that’s bothering him and curses his best friend for suddenly leaving him out of nowhere. He hoped Jisung, by some miracle, would finally show up on his birthday.

He sought comfort from the night sky, the stars decorating the black canvas beautifully. He wished his telescope was right here, but it was tucked at the corner of his room. He wanted to look at the stars up close and get lost by its beauty just for a little while. But he couldn’t, so instead he made a wish on Polaris, focusing his eyes on it.

“Oh.”

Seungmin’s heart jumped, and he immediately looked to where the familiar voice came from.

“You’re here.” Jisung pursed his lips. “Hi.”

Polaris had granted his wish.

“You’re here,” Seungmin spat. Of course Seungmin would be here, this was his house, and it was his birthday, his party—but Jisung being here? It was something he hoped for, but now that it actually happened, he couldn’t quite wrap his finger around it.

It took a while for Jisung to answer, but as if confirming, he said, “I’m here.”

I’m here.

Those two words were enough to shoot the tears out of Seungmin’s eyes, and after weeks of pent up frustration, he finally cried.

After weeks of being distant, Jisung was finally next to him, wrapping him in an embrace.

After weeks of longing, he finally found who he was searching for.

Seungmin gasped for air in between his sobs, then hit Jisung’s arm. “I hate you.”

“Ow,” Jisung remarked, rubbing his arm.

“I hate you.”

“Okay, I understand that,” said Jisung, a soft glint now in his eyes as he locked his gaze with Seungmin’s. “You have every right to hate me.”

Seungmin hated that Jisung was far away. He hated how Jisung sent brief texts and ended their calls abruptly with lame excuses followed afterwards. He hated how Jisung acted like he didn’t care and made Seungmin feel like their friendship was starting to walk on thin ice. He hated how Jisung showed up tonight, out of nowhere, and was the one to pull Seungmin free from the suffocating feelings he’s stuffed inside his chest.

He hated all of that, but he couldn’t bring himself to hate Jisung.

Though “I hate you” is what he says again, before he buries his head on the crook of Jisung’s neck, taking in the familiar scent of the elder’s cologne.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung whispered. “I’m sorry, Seungmin.”

“Just…” Seungmin let out a shaky breath. “Let’s just stay like this. And let’s talk about it after, does that sound good?”

“Wait.”

The unexpected response made Seungmin look at the other. Jisung checked his phone, showed Seungmin the time, and put on a small smile. “Happy birthday. Hope I’m the last.”

23:59.

Seungmin scoffed, then wiped the tears away.

If this was his birthday present from the universe, then it was the best one he received the whole day.

And after that, Seungmin found peace again. He stopped searching and wondering and worrying. They didn’t completely fall into their old routine, though—Jisung rarely visited the Kim residences anymore, with the excuse that Felix could visit him anytime and the elder didn’t want to ruin that. It made Seungmin frown, even though Jisung had a point.

Seungmin and Felix were still a thing, although Seungmin was slowly slipping away. The getaway car stopped a long while ago, and they’ve been walking barefoot on a road filled with shards of glass now. They both knew that. They just didn’t want to acknowledge it out loud yet.

They still held hands. Cuddled. Kissed. But gradually the kisses stopped, and they merely held hands, or their pinky fingers touched when they watched a movie together. 

It was at one a.m. when Seungmin tweeted about going to the convenience store for a sudden craving, and when he arrived, Felix was there. He’d already bought ramen and some kimchi, the smile on his face shooting guilt up Seungmin’s chest.

“Saw your tweet,” said Felix. “Ramen?”

“Thanks,” Seungmin replied. He mumbled another thanks when Felix handed him the chopsticks. “You’re not eating anything?”

“I’m good,” Felix said. “I was out earlier. Couldn’t sleep. Then I thought I could surprise you.”

Seungmin gave a small smile and blew his noodles before eating. They didn’t speak for a few moments, and the cheesy old love song playing from the store’s speakers was enough to fill the silence between them. It was when Seungmin had his third bite when he initiated the conversation.

“Why weren’t you able to sleep?”

Seungmin could guess that something was bothering Felix. His boyfriend didn’t sleep until two or three a.m. because he was either studying or playing a game. To think that Felix was awake at one and saying that he “couldn’t sleep”—there has to be something wrong.

Felix tapped his finger against the table. It was as if he was debating with himself whether to open up or not, but eventually decided on the former. “I was thinking.”

Seungmin only gave a nod. He didn’t want to push if Felix didn’t feel like talking.

Fortunately, Felix continued, “About us.”

Seungmin’s hand stayed still. About us. Seungmin had been thinking about it too, but the topic, for him, was more of a bomb he’s been walking around, avoiding as much as he could. But now Felix dropped it on him. There was no avoiding it.

He couldn’t come up with a quick response. Should he be straightforward? Would Felix like him to be straightforward? Should he explain, if there was anything to explain, before he ended things? Should he end things now? Was there a reason for them to continue this withering relationship anyway?

Seungmin took a deep breath.

“We should break up—”

“I think I’m falling—”

Their voices overlapped, the words colliding with each other, but the both of them understood perfectly well what the other was trying to say. They both regarded one another with wide eyes, surprise written all over their faces.

I think I’m falling, Felix had been saying. Falling in love? Falling out of love? Was he trying to confess?

Seungmin didn’t understand. They were drifting apart each day, and Felix was starting to fall for him more?

We should break up. Seungmin had said it at the same time, and even though he didn’t intend to reply to Felix’s confession immediately, he had already blurted out his decision.

Felix looked away, his leg now bouncing. His eyes couldn’t stay still, and he said in a low voice, “You think…we should break up.”

Seungmin wanted to take it back. But he would be playing with Felix’s feelings if they continued this any further.

He wanted to say the cliché: it’s not you, it’s me. Or that Felix deserved better. Or that, even with the knowledge that Felix was a rebound, and that Seungmin had been trying to forget someone else while they started the relationship—he still had actually enjoyed every moment they shared together.

He liked the feeling of being in love. That was what made him stay, he thinks. And Felix was every bit of an angel for making him feel that—but Seungmin didn’t feel anything for him. And without that, it wasn’t a surprise the relationship couldn’t carry on for as long as the others’.

With how long this lasted, people would’ve called it a fling, even. And maybe it was. It started with a drunken kiss and a drunken proposal, all tied with drunken decisions. But Seungmin was completely sober now; sober enough to cut those ties away when they were getting too tight.

This was for the best, he thought. Felix really did deserve something more, someone better than Seungmin. He didn’t deserve to be a rebound.

Seungmin wanted to say all that, but…

He let his silence scream all the words he wanted to say. It wasn’t a surprise that Felix took it the wrong way.

“Right,” was all the other said, eyes peeling away from Seungmin once more.

Seungmin wanted to say he’s sorry.

But his lips were shut tight.

After a suffocating few beats, Felix finally looked up, an understanding smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was a small smile, the kind that didn’t reach his cheeks, and the effort he was making gnawed at Seungmin’s chest.

Speak, you idiot, he chided himself, speak, talk to him, tell him—

“I think…I’m falling, was what I was saying,” Felix said in a low voice. “I know I offered to be a rebound. I was drunk on alcohol, and honestly—” He chuckled, but otherwise he looked sad, “—I didn’t expect us to last long, too. I thought we were going to end this together, get tired of the setup soon. But the dates. And your birthday…I just—” 

Felix took a shaky breath. “I just thought we had a chance. You spoke less of Jisung. That made me think I had a chance. But if Jisung’s still there in your heart…I don’t think there’s enough space for me, right?”

Seungmin shook his head. Finally, he found his voice, “There is. Felix, I treasured every moment with you, too. So of course there is, but—”

“But the space he occupies is not the same as mine,” Felix cut him off.

Seungmin wished he had just shut his mouth.

Felix had a point.

But Seungmin didn’t want him to feel he was worthless.

With everything happening now, though, how was he supposed to do that? He was breaking up with him for Pete’s sake. There’s nothing he could think of to make Felix feel better.

“I understand, don’t worry,” Felix said, forcing a smile again. “Um. Let’s stay friends after this?”

“Yes,” Seungmin immediately replied. He doesn’t want to lose a friend. Before this, he and Felix were close friends. He didn’t want to lose that. “Please.”

Felix only nodded. Then, with that, he left.

Seungmin didn’t have the appetite for ramen anymore. He stared at it, set it aside, and buried his face in his hands, feeling like he’s the most shitty person to breathe on this planet. He didn’t understand why his heart was aching with pain, too. He was the one who ended things. He was the one who didn’t have feelings. Was it because of guilt? Did Seungmin even deserve to feel guilt?

The song from the speakers wasn’t helping anymore. His heart was restless, as if he had just ran a hundred kilometers during his conversation with Felix. His mind was fuzzy and all he knows is that he reached for his phone, dialling someone who could put him at ease right now.

“Jisung,” he croaked, his voice close to breaking now.

He heard the shuffling of bedsheets on the other side. And though Jisung’s voice sounded groggy, he sounded alert at the same time, “Where are you?”

It was two a.m. when Jisung arrived, bought banana milk for Seungmin, then told him the two words that brought Seungmin the most comfort: I’m here. That phrase felt like hot chocolate spreading warmth throughout your body amidst a cold, winter day. It was comforting. And it only ever felt like that if it came from Jisung.

They stayed at the convenience store until sunrise, and Jisung brought Seungmin to the Han residence, just so Seungmin could avoid his family’s questions for the meantime. They settled on Jisung’s bed, with Seungmin burying his face against the elder’s chest, and as Seungmin sniffled, Jisung gently rubbed his back.

“I’m here.”

Jisung said he’d buy ice cream for Seungmin, as long as Seungmin finally talks to Felix. 

“Are you bribing me with ice cream?”

“Vanilla for you and chocolate chip cookie dough for me,” Jisung replied. “So?”

Seungmin groaned. He wasn’t doing it for the ice cream, anyway. No, Felix deserves more than receiving closure because his ex was bribed with ice cream. Seungmin was doing it because he saw this as a chance to finally…well, have closure, and nothing more. To prevent a friendship from ending, too, maybe.

He told himself to not expect anything from Felix. Seungmin will talk to him, and if he doesn’t receive any response, then that’s okay.

He went back to the chip aisle, only to find that Felix wasn’t there anymore. He’s sure the other hasn’t left yet, otherwise he would’ve heard the wind chime ring by the door. With a frown he went further, only to find Felix by the counter, paying for the beer he got.

Seungmin only saw now that the cashier was none other than Jeongin, too, who was giving Felix a concerned stare before he spotted Seungmin. The younger’s lips fell flat, and he might’ve told Felix, because the latter turned around.

“We need to talk,” Seungmin said. He saw how Jeongin shifted his weight from one foot to another, and the younger’s gaze lingered as if he was judging Seungmin. The elder hastily added, “if you want to, that is. But I want to talk to you.”

Felix pressed his lips together, then turned to look at Jeongin. It was as if the two held a silent conversation with their eyes, and Felix sighed in defeat, looking back at Seungmin.

He wore the same forced grin that never failed to gnaw at Seungmin’s heart. “Sure.”

Seungmin realized late that they had situated themselves on the same place where they broke up.

He didn’t point it out. Felix didn’t point it out. They sat there, side by side, in a painful awkward silence that Seungmin had never imagined visiting them, ever. He didn’t know what to say or how to start the conversation even when in the first place, he was the one who initiated it.

Should he go straight to the point, just like on the day of the breakup? Or would that make everything more…painfully awkward? Should he begin with trying to explain himself, or should he just skip that because what the fuck is the point of explaining anyway—

“What’s tonight’s sudden craving?”

Seungmin freezes in his seat.

So much for initiating conversation.

Felix doesn’t deserve any of this.

“Doritos for Jisung,” Seungmin answered still, trying to keep a small smile on his face. He tried to maintain eye contact with Felix, but the moment their gazes locked, the both of them were quick to look away, as well. “And, um, Hot Cheetos for me.”

“That’s cool,” Felix said, and after that, excruciating silence visited them yet again.

Seungmin tapped his fingers restlessly against his lap. One tap, one deep breath. After a short while, he finally said, “Felix.”

Felix didn’t look at him, but the way the elder shifted in his seat was enough sign that he’s listening. Felix always listened. He always listened and understood and Seungmin was such a shithead for making him just listen and understand—if there was anything for him to pick up and make sense of—back then.

“I’m sorry.”

Was that the right thing to say?

Was that what Felix deserved to hear?

“On that day…when we broke up—”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Felix cut him off.

Seungmin swallowed thickly, confusion dancing inside his chest.

Then, Felix asked, “What are you apologizing for?”

I’m not certain, Seungmin thought. He just felt like he needed to say sorry. He remembers how sudden the breakup must’ve been to Felix, and how Felix just sat there and accepted it saying he understood and assumed that it was because Seungmin liked someone else. He offered to be friends and Seungmin accepted, desperately, greedily clinging to the thought of still having a good friend by his side, but he never contacted Felix since that day, either.

“I…was a jerk. To you. I need to say sorry. You should’ve been mad at me, Felix. Mad because I made you a rebound. Mad because you deserved to be more than just a rebound. You should be mad because the breakup was sudden and because of that, you need an apology—”

“I wasn’t mad at you,” Felix interrupted, his voice tight, and Seungmin could see how the other had his fist clenched. “I told you. I understood. And I was mad at myself because I was the one who brought this stupid—stupid proposal—” He choked back on his words, and shut his eyes tight, “—in the first place…I couldn’t bring myself to get mad at you.”

Felix let out a shaky breath, and the laugh that followed shortly after didn’t hold the same joy that Seungmin was used to hearing from the other.

“I enjoyed being with you,” Seungmin found himself saying, recalling every day, every date he spent with Felix. “I never faked a smile or anything when I was with you.”

“I know,” Felix said. “Seungmin…I don’t think I can accept your apology.”

Seungmin should have seen it coming. He never expected that this conversation would go smoothly, but a part of him did hope that they at least would have freed themselves from the awkwardness their breakup has led them to. He should have reminded himself that his life wasn’t the little fairytale that he must’ve thought of; one small apology wasn’t going to fix such a big crack in their relationship.

“Not yet.” Felix pressed his lips together. “I need to figure myself out first, I think?”

“Oh.” Seungmin nodded, fiddling with the bottom hem of his shirt. “I understand. And it’s okay. You’re not obliged to accept my apology.”

The same, pained smile made its way to Felix’s lips. “I’m planning to go out of town during winter break.”

Seungmin nodded, not commenting on how the information surprised him because Felix was usually a homebody during holiday season. “Where are you off to?”

“Somewhere only I know,” Felix sighed. “Something like that. Find myself first before everything else.”

“That’s nice,” Seungmin said, and he meant it. He low key felt glad that Felix was still sharing this bit, as if it was a sign that Felix wasn’t completely cutting their ties together.

“I’ll go ahead, if that’s fine with you,” Felix said after a short beat, standing up and grabbing his bought items. “I have to go home, anyway. Just went out to buy some snacks for this anime I’m watching.”

“Right.” Seungmin stood up, too, straightening his shirt even if there was no need to do so. He cleared his throat, and nodded at the other. “Stay safe out there.”

“You too.” Felix fidgeted with the plastic bag, his eyes shifting from one place to the other, before he plastered a smile—a genuine one, this time, and Seungmin couldn’t understand how it stung more than the forced one he always saw—and said, “Enjoy the Blood Moon tonight.”

***

“I’ve got a playlist for the brokenhearted,” joked Jisung, crossing his legs and popping another can of beer open.

Seungmin scoffed, getting comfortable and laying his head on Jisung’s lap, his eyes never leaving the disappointing night sky. Jisung looked down at him, smiled apologetically (It’s not your fault, doofus, Seungmin wanted to say), before gaping at the night sky, too.

The younger took the opportunity to gape at Jisung. The latter was blabbering about how the clouds should’ve known that “the Great Kim Seungmin” was expecting them to be on their best behavior now and show the Blood Moon. Or that the skies should’ve at least acknowledged their efforts and showed them the moon, even for just a minute. All Seungmin could do was either snort or laugh, half of his attention on Jisung’s words, and the rest on Jisung himself.

There were stars in Jisung’s eyes, anyway. Seungmin could relish that sight. 

Seungmin relishes that, because he could only ever do so in secret.

Jisung proceeded to say how the phenomenon probably wasn’t worth all the hype, anyway, and they shouldn’t get swayed by what the media tells them before he chugs down his beer. Afterwards, he lets out a long exhale, meeting Seungmin’s gaze sympathetically.

Does he know I’ve been staring all along? Seungmin wondered.

“But it’s not just about the hype to you, is it?” Jisung asked, his voice low. He grunted. “If only I could sweep those clouds away for you, I would’ve.”

Seungmin chuckled, waving a dismissive hand. “It’s okay.”

“You’re not okay.”

“I’m not.” Seungmin sat up, seizing the last can of beer in the bag, before taking a swig of it. “But I’ll be fine. Beer helps.”

Jisung gave him a small smile. “How much time do you have left?”

Seungmin opened his phone.

1:42.

“Around twenty minutes,” he said, feeling his heart drop ever so slightly.

Seungmin unconsciously swirls the can of beer in his hand, a sigh making its way out of his lips as he stares at nowhere in particular. Jisung reaches out for Seungmin’s hands, lacing their fingers together and brushing a thumb against his knuckles to comfort the other. A small smile tugs at the corner of Seungmin’s lips, and he squeezes Jisung’s hand in return.

Thank you, he wanted to say. The words remain stuck inside him, though, as he stared at their hands together. He knows Jisung is doing this to comfort him. He knows Jisung does this as a friend. Seungmin still can’t help but wonder it, though, if Jisung ever held his hand, hoping for something more? Or does Jisung know, that every time he does this, Seungmin just falls for him deeper and yearns for that ‘something more’?

Jisung wouldn’t know unless Seungmin says, would he? That thought alone made Seungmin want to confess right then and there. He unconsciously squeezes the elder’s hand, and Jisung snaps his head to look at him, worry dancing across his gaze.

“You okay?” Jisung asked quietly.

Seungmin wanted to hold Jisung’s face right then and there, and get lost in the beauty of his eyes with longing.

Or…

He could confess.

He’d considered confessing countless times before already. When they wrote the ferris wheel together for the first time, even though Jisung was immensely afraid of heights. Or when they pulled an all-nighter, with Seungmin helping Jisung cram all of his overdue backlogs. Sometimes, even when they did the most mundane of things, eating popsicles in the summer heat, he wanted to confess right then and there.

So why didn’t I?

“You can tell me.”

Confessing to your best friend came with risks, though, and Seungmin had considered those risks countless times already, too. He thought he shouldn’t wager it. If confessing meant losing a friend, then he’d rather keep his feelings to himself just to keep Jisung by his side, too. 

But then again…no matter how strong his feelings for Jisung became for the past few years, he was sure that their friendship was stronger above all that. The love that they shared—platonic, with a dash of unrequited love in the side—is stronger than anything else.

So why don’t I confess now?

It doesn’t have to be poetic, or grand.

Jisung just has to know.

Seungmin has to let him know.

“Jisung—”

“What the…”

Seungmin pursed his lips and followed Jisung’s line of sight, and his jaw dropped at what unfolded before them.

“Dude! Dude, it’s finally…your camera! Min! Camera!” Jisung exclaimed, shaking Seungmin with such force that Seungmin would’ve gotten dizzy. He laughed, holding Jisung’s hands to help the other calm down, and Jisung shouted, “Yah! It’s not too late, after all!”

The Blood Moon has graced its presence tonight.

Thump.

Seungmin held his breath. That meant…

“Huh.” Jisung chuckled gently beside Seungmin, and continued to brush his thumb against the younger’s knuckles. Jisung hasn’t let go after all. “You’re so taken aback by its beauty, no?”

Yes. Well, no. The Blood Moon is indeed majestic, and Seungmin should’ve been squealing over it now, taking pictures of it over and over until his storage’s full, but he was stuck in his place as realization dawned on him. He wasn’t taken aback by its beauty only. It was because of the thing circulating around the Blood Moon. The one that would have hopeless romantics would definitely indulge in.

Seungmin should tell Jisung.

“Did you know?” He started, eyes never leaving the Blood Moon. “There’s this myth about the Blood Moon.”

Jisung squinted his eyes and rubbed his chin as if in deep thought, but Seungmin knows it was just some sort of act, so he smiles a bit. Jisung shrugged, and said, “Of course I don’t.”

“It’s that, you’re going to be soulmates with whoever you watch the Blood Moon with.” Thump. Seungmin feels his heart throb against his chest. He was just sharing some trivia to his best friend. This was their usual selves…so why was he nervous to begin with? “Two lucky souls binded together as they watch blood dribble down the moon…kind of like the first snow myth, too.”

Come to think of it, Seungmin had already watched the first snow fall with Jisung, too. Does Jisung remember, perhaps?

He turned his head to look at his best friend, who—to his surprise—had his eyes shut tight. Seungmin’s forehead creased and he let go of Jisung’s hand, caressing the elder’s face in his own hands in worry: “Did dust get into your eyes again? Should I blow on it?”

“No, no, it’s not that!” Jisung covered his eyes with his hands, making Seungmin more confused. The other must’ve started to feel cold already, because his ears were turning red. “The thing. What you said earlier. Is it true?”

It’s technically not, since it’s a myth, but… “I indulge in it.”

Jisung pouted.

“Why? What about the myth?” Seungmin asked.

“You have to watch it with someone special,” was the other’s answer.

Seungmin shook his head. “You’re gonna miss out on its beauty.”

“That’s okay, I don’t want to ruin this soulmate thing with you,” Jisung replied immediately. Seungmin managed to pry the elder’s hands away,  but Jisung still had his eyes closed. He could really be stubborn sometimes. (And cute.) “You should be soulmates with someone else.”

Seungmin sniffed and rubbed his hand against his nape. “Why do I have to find someone else if I can watch it with you…?”

“We’re best friends.”

“Can’t best friends be soulmates too?”

Jisung opened an eye at Seungmin’s reply. He closed it immediately after, though. “Do you…want to?”

“Gladly.” Seungmin smiled, laughing shortly after, hoping that the sound would drown the loud beating of his heart away. It was frantic. He first thought maybe because he was nervous—wasn’t this some sort of indirect confession? Would Jisung think of it this way?

But then he thought, Jisung wouldn’t see this as some sort of indirect confession. Maybe, until now, he saw Seungmin as a best friend who wanted them to be platonic soulmates. It didn’t calm him down, though. Maybe Seungmin isn’t nervous, but rather, all of those pent-up feelings of pining and silently waiting and wondering had started to overflow.

It wanted to flow out of his lips, it wanted for Seungmin to confess.

Could Seungmin do it?

This wasn’t in the plan. Tonight, he was supposed to watch the Blood Moon alone on his rooftop, with his telescope and camera and endlessly take pictures with it. He wasn’t supposed to go with Jisung around town and go down memory lane and watch the celestial event with the person he’s been pining for his whole life. 

Seungmin didn’t like it when things didn’t go according to plan. 

Tonight, however, showed him that spontaneity could be fun, too. It could be better than what he has planned prior.

Confessing wasn’t in the plan. But maybe…it was better that it wasn’t planned this way.

He was hyper aware of his surroundings now. The Blood Moon still shining in its full glory; Jisung looking at him because by now the other has noticed that something was running around Seungmin’s mind; the small puffs of air leaving Jisung’s mouth and the red painting his ears due to the cold night; Seungmin’s own heart, still beating so loudly.

Seungmin swallowed thickly, reaching for Jisung’s hand for comfort. It soothed his nerves a little.

“I like you.”

Did he say it?

Was Seungmin able to say it, or was his mind playing tricks on him? But surely he said it…he heard himself saying it, he heard himself confess—he was sure he moved his lips. He was sure he confessed, but at the same time…the idea must’ve been too much for him to handle.

All those years of pining and it took less than five seconds for him to say it aloud.

Wow.

Wanting to find a distraction, Seungmin checks his watch and sees that it’s two a.m., and instinctively he looks at the Blood Moon to see if it’s still there—but the clouds have taken the sky over again. He’s still aware that his and Jisung’s hands are still intertwined, and Jisung doesn’t seem like he’s letting go, and Seungmin doesn’t want to, of course, but with Jisung’s silence after the confession—

Jisung pulls Seungmin’s hand gently, and Seungmin gathers enough courage to look at his best friend’s face again. Jisung meets Seungmin’s eyes as he presses a soft kiss on the latter’s hand, and Seungmin feels like his heart had made its way up his throat.

Jisung smiles softly, and Seungmin’s heart has slowed down its pace now—but it was still loud. It was loud, but it wasn’t alone. He felt like in the silence, he heard Jisung’s own heart synch with his.

He felt like in the silence, he heard Jisung’s reply loud and clear.

I like you, too.

FIN.