Chapter Text
When Thoma meets Beidou at the docks, he’s standing next to a large, chihua wood crate, holding one hand over it protectively. She’s never been all that interested in his exports, it’s the mora that matters after all.
This, however, seems personal. Beidou heaves a sigh as she approaches and crosses her arms. “I don’t ship kids.” She says simply, “Thought you already knew that, Thoma.”
Thoma grins at her, all charm and charisma as he leans against the crate in a way that he must have practiced, to look so natural. He’s a funny kid, but he’s the good sort. “Ah, but this is but a simple crate of Sakura blossoms, dear Captain.”
She snorts. “I’m sure it’ll be light as a feather then,” She plays along, vaguely amused. She’s curious, she can admit, as to what has Thoma even attempting to break her number one rule.
Thoma, for some reason, laughs a bit harder at her comment then expected, wipes at his eyes with another cut off giggle. “Heh, light as a feather. Anyway, it isn’t a kid.”
Beidou doesn’t believe the little brat for even a second, but she raises an eyebrow anyway as the rest of her men load and unload their latest deliveries.
“No, really!” Thoma widens his eyes honestly, “I mean, not…not a kid , kid.”
Beidou pinches the bridge of her nose and exhales. She doesn’t have the patience for any sort of negotiation on child trafficking. It’s just not going to happen. “Kid, Thoma,” She takes a step closer, drops her own hand on the crate besides the blonde’s own. “I don’t know who they are to you, but kids don’t…they don’t mix well with the sea life. Especially the way we run shit.”
To her complete surprise, Thoma perks right up. “Oh, that’s fine, he’s a samurai! And one of our best, too! He’ll be fine. I mean, really Captain, I’d be doing you a favour by handing him over.”
Beidou stills. She knows some kids fight. She knows that, she’s seen Qiqi as a field healer, briefly met Diona and Klee in Mondstadt, hell, she’s seen Sayu almost every time she docks, the curious little ninja always eyeing up the haul.
Doesn’t make her hate it any less.
“I’m not forcing a child to fight if something happens on board,” She states sharply, “Kids shouldn’t be fighting our battles for us.”
Thoma winces at this, and there’s something pained, wistful in his eyes as he looks back down at the crate. “Yeah, well, he’s already been doing that his whole life. I don’t actually think he knows how to do anything else.” Thoma scratches the back of his neck and then jolts, “oh, except poetry. Really flowery, this one.”
Great. A child soldier is bad enough, a soft hearted one is even worse.
“Kokomi vouches for him, too,” Thoma says confidently, and she’s a little too smug when she shoots back,
“Sangonomiya still hasn’t paid me for the last shipment.”
“You could consider him payment?” Thoma pats the crate again and pouts up at her, as though she’s going to be affected for even a second. She honestly isn’t even sure why she’d even consider accepting that.
“Look,” Thoma says, the flair and fake smile finally gone, “The Raiden Shogun herself wants him dead. You are literally his only chance of survival.”
Beidou’s eyes only go wide for a brief moment before she eyes the crate with a wild, burning curiosity. “The fuck did he do?”
Thoma shakes his head. “Tried to save his best friend from divine punishment, and then fought for the resistance.”
Oh, jeez. She knows she’s fucked when she meets Thoma’s eyes again, and sees the desperation there.
“Nephew?” She guesses, even though she couldn’t care less, her hands coming to the corners of the crate. The action makes Thoma light up with a blinding smile, relief and appreciation on his face.
“Ah, just a friend of the Kamisato’s, actually.”
“Huh.” She doesn’t care much more for back story, she’s already made probably the stupidest decision of her life, but she heaves the box up onto one shoulder and wants to reverse time and not show up today when she feels just how light the box is, a swift reminder of the precious cargo it holds.
“You owe me a fuck ton of favours for this one, kid.” She shoots over her shoulder, and Thoma, of course, has she audacity to grin widely and wave exuberantly.
“Of course, Captain! Be seeing you soon!”
…
She doesn’t forget about the crate after they set sail, but she doesn’t open it immediately, in case the kid causes a scene and they’re all taken in as accessories.
It does however, kind of unnerve her how silent and unmoving it is. Is Thoma sure this kid is still alive in there? Fuck. She’s going to have to check.
She eyes it every now and then as they sail further and further from Inazuman soil, but it still doesn’t move, and not a peep of sound escapes despite the fact the damn thing is made of chihua, a timber known to echo, just a bit.
It’s kind of chilling, because she really doesn’t want to pop the lid and see a dead kid. It’s difficult enough when it has nothing to do with her.
Finally, she deems the ship far enough that it’s safe, and hardens her resolve. If the boy has passed, she won’t tell Thoma. The kid may be a little snake sometimes, but she knows this would hurt him more than he lets on.
Taking a deep breath and a crowbar, she wedges it (carefully, archons know how the kid is positioned in there) in the wooden lid, and jerks it so the lid falls back to the sole with a loud clatter.
Startled crimson eyes meet hers and she falters instantly. The kid isn’t at all what she expected, closer to Xinyan’s age than Qiqi’s, but he’s so small , sitting almost comfortably in the box, no need for contortion. But that isn’t the part that causes said falter. No, it’s the way he looks right through her, like she isn’t there. His eyes are empty, devoid of emotion, and the bags beneath them are dark.
Well, Thoma did say this kid had been fighting his whole life. She has a fleeting thought of the reasons he gave for this transfer, and finds herself completely understanding why Thoma asked this of her, now.
“Hey, kid, outta the box. You’re gonna cramp up and become a living statue.” She grouses, offering him a tight smirk to hide her discomfort. The boy blinks those big red eyes slowly, and it’s as if he’s coming back into his body from someplace else, because those eyes are suddenly filled with confusion. She tilts her head and swings the crowbar over her shoulder. “You need help or something?”
“I…” his voice is soft, so soft, but it suits him. He’s a slinky little thing, and the billowy autumn themed outfit doesn’t make him seem any less compact. If anything, the way the wind blows it’s ornamental fabric around shows true just how slight his frame is.
“You need a minute?” She asks, because she isn’t an asshole. This is probably a lot for a teenager. He shakes his head though, then with unexpected grace, he withdraws himself from the box. “Well, great then. I’m Beidou, I’m the Captain of this ship - The Alcor. You, according to the fixer, are a fugitive. And, as absurd as this is, my cargo. Welcome to the crux fleet.”
He nods again, and for a second she wonders if he’s just pretending to listen, but then she realises he’s still looking up at her, patient and still, silent. She frowns. That’s when her eyes catch on the bandaged hand. It’s got small splatters of blood that must have bled through on it, and in it, clutched too tightly not to hurt, is a swirling vortex of grey. A masterless vision.
Fucking hell. The kid was close enough to the shogun to snatch his friend’s vision in his final moments? She feels sick at the thought. It also explains the hand though, visions burn like a wildfire when they go out.
She has no idea what to do with him.
“What’s your name, kid?”
“Kaedehara Kazuha, Captain.” Ah, so he does speak full sentences, thank the archons, or this was going to get awkward real fast. “I will do my best to assist in any way during our journey, Captain.”
Shit. Okay. He speaks earnestly but with a miserable look in his eyes, and she’s never held anyone but her wife, but she’s tempted, just a little bit, in this moment, to give the kid at least a head pat. She’s not fucking crazy, so she doesn’t. Anything could be perceived as a threat to him right now.
“You any good at climbing?” She thinks of the patch in the sails that needs to be tended to, because if the kid’s offering, she’s not gonna say no to perfectly good help.
Instead of answering, he shifts his body slightly and with his healthy hand, points at something glowing and green tethered to the back of his shoulderblade.
Oh. Yeah, she can work with this.
“So if you fell…” she begins, failing to keep the amusement from her voice, “You could just what, fly it off?”
“I could slow my descent, if that is what you’re inquiring after.” Kazuha explains, either ignoring or oblivious to her walk it off joke. Eh, maybe it wasn’t one of her best.
“Then there’s a sail that needs patching. That one.” She points to Genoa, the headsail, with a jerk of her thumb, and he looks at it contemplatively for a moment. Then, he turns back to her.
“Do you have sewing supplies on hand?”
She blinks, but then shrugs. “Probably, kid, I’m not really into that kinda stuff. You could ask around the crew, or look around the cabin, if you like.”
He nods, and she’s surprised to see the brief flash of determination in his eyes.
“I’ll see the predicament resolved by the sun’s fall to rest.”
He speaks likes a poet, she muses, even as she catches a glimpse of the blade on his hip, the hyper-vigilance he exudes, the way he’s already eyed around for any sign of a safe exit from the boat. He’s seen some shit, and he hasn’t come out of it anywhere close to okay.
He’s just cargo, albeit helpful cargo, so she walks to the Captain’s quarters and tries to go about business as usual without thinking about empty eyes and soft spoken teenagers.
…
When the headache of the dumb paperwork Ningguang is always forcing her to do finally get to her, she decides it’s time for a drink. She’s earned it, she earned it the second she didn’t just burn the damn stack of paper when it was handed to her.
She feels a surge of adrenaline rush through her when she sees her crew all gathered to one side of the ship, wondering why the fuck no one would let her know if they have an incoming threat, when she realises what they’re looking at isn’t anywhere over the water.
No, they’re all looking up, some with amusement, others curiosity, and a few with awe. She follows their gaze with furrowed brows and can’t help the hearty laugh that bursts from her lips.
Kazuha has rigged himself up with some planks of wood and rope, like a tree swing, and is diligently finishing off his repairs with the focus of a man facing off against a great adversary. She’s impressed to see just how perfect his mending is, though, she can’t even tell where the seams were, or were the hole had even been, if not for Kazuha stitching the last of it. Talented kid, she muses.
But the crowd is probably overwhelming for him, or at least it will be in a moment when he finishes and realises he’s being watched, so she steps down onto the deck and crosses her arms, glaring at her crew in equal parts reprimand and fondness. Archons, these idiots are her people, as thoughtless as they’re being right now.
“Alright assholes, shows over! It’s like none of you sea rats have seen a patch job before, archons above.” Her tone is loud and stern, and her crew all scurry back to their positions looking appropriately cowed. Good. She knows that they haven’t in fact, seen a patch this good, or done using such an…interesting tactic, but that’s irrelevant.
She feels a gaze on her, curious and strangely unsettling, and she looks up to meet that flaming flower stamen stare evenly. She quirks a single eyebrow at him, as he tugs on one of the ropes he’d rigged himself up on and the plank he’s seated on lowers itself steadily until his sandals touch the deck.
“I didn’t mind.” He says, though she doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince, really. She’s sure he absolutely did mind, especially when he grabs one upper arm with the opposite hand and shifts just the slightest bit on his feet. Yeah, no, he had minded.
“I mind if my crew aren’t doing the jobs I pay them for.” It’s a half truth, so it works well enough. Uh, except for the way Kazuha seems to shrink in on himself in response. Who the fuck thought she’d be able to keep this kid stable all the way to Liyue again? Yeah, fuck Thoma.
“I apologise. I did not expect my actions to initiate such intrigue. I take culpability for the conduct of your crew mates in response.”
Beidou groans. “It’s not your fuckin’ fault, I told you to do it. How you do it isn’t my business, and you didn’t do anything wrong. Just…try to calm down with the self-accusation all the time, yeah? You’re fine.”
Kazuha’s eyes go round, and archons, those dark bags are more prominent than ever. “Truly, you don’t resent the disturbance I precipitated?”
“I swear to Morax kid, you gotta stop talking like a damn troubadour, it’s going to drive me nuts after a while. If you can help it, I guess, I don’t know what your whole thing is all about. Did you swear an oath? Is that it? Whatever, quit it if you can. And no, I couldn’t give less of a shit what you do as long as you get the job done. And I ain’t never seen a patch job that fucking perfect before. So how about instead of looking for reasons to throw yourself under the carriage all the time, you just take shit at face value.” She’s well aware her voice sounds kind of aggressive and her stance, feet planted and fists on her hips, probably don’t help, but the kid doesn’t back down, or flinch away. He shows no signs of distress at her aggression at all. As though he’s used to being spoken to this way, though not at all expecting harm to come from it.
His hand comes up to his chin and a thoughtful look crosses his features, before he nods his head and turns to her. “I will try my best not to be too ostentatious.” He declares, his voice the steadiest she’s heard since he first spoke, and she chuckles a little bit because doesn’t he realise he’s still doing it? Yeesh, this kid. She doesn’t even notice the grin taking its place on her lips. “And I will take you at your word, even in moments of self doubt for the duration of my voyage.”
He’s kind of ridiculous. Most of the people Beidou likes are, to be honest, and she has a bad feeling about this, because he cracks a smile at her, the smallest, subdued thing, and she feels like she’s achieved something.
She needs some damn rum.
“Whatever kid, I’m gonna go drink until I pass out.”
He looks mildly startled for a moment, which only serves to amuse Beidou as she strides off, throwing a goodbye wave over her shoulder as the kid stands, bewildered.
Drinks with the crew only serve to make things worse, since most of them are enamoured with the quiet samurai boy, and they just won’t shut up about it. Sure, not much happens around here, but it’s not that big of a deal.
…
Light spills across her bed and Beidou nearly growls, rage and pain and exhaustion clinging and tugging and pulling her poor, alcohol drenched brain in every which direction. “No, fuck off, leave me alone you bitch,” She manages through a dry throat, “I’ll fucking divorce you, Ning.”
There’s a long silence, and then, “You’re married?”
Beidou sits up so fast her head hits the headboard and she groans, rubbing at her skull through impressive bedhead. “Kid, what the fuck? Why are you in here?”
Kazuha just holds something out to her, and a water skin as well, and murmurs, “A remedy. I used to concoct these for a dear companion who…seems to share your predilection towards alcohol consumption. It’s my own brew, compressed into a shape more tolerable to endure.”
Morax, she knows what a fucking painkiller is. She snatches the two little balls from his hand, ignoring the frankly off putting stench, and downs them with a swig from the water skin.
“Why even wake me up? Nothing needs to be done, kid, we’ll be sailing for at least a couple months if we’re avoiding the storm.” She mutters, hoping that she doesn’t sound too bitter. After all, painkillers are expensive as shit, and she usually only gets them when she’s docked and has the spare mora. She’s no coward, she can deal with a hangover. But still. It’s, you know, a nice gesture. If it weren’t for the forced awakening.
Kazuha frowns then, and her lazy gaze drifts past that faded red streak in his hair as she waits for a response. Finally, he says, “I…This is just what I’m accustomed to.” He looks somehow both confused and distressed now, “I forgot.” He whispers, quieter, “This isn’t my place any longer.”
Her mind, distorted as it is, still manages to add the pieces together and lock them in place for the answer. “Oh, kid.” She sighs sympathetically, “You used to do this for them a lot, huh?”
He just nods, and Beidou swallows, before patting the spot beside her on the bed. It’s a shitty idea, she’s going to make this worse somehow, she’s just really bad with kids, alright, but she can’t leave him like this either.
The boy is hesitant, almost reluctant, but he finally settles sat up on the headboard beside her, his gaze settled on his bandaged hand. She isn’t sure where his friend’s vision is, but she’s sure as hell it’s on him somewhere. The kid can’t seem to function without it.
“You know, my wife, she has this saying,” Beidou begins, as the two stare straight ahead at the ugly fish painting on the wall instead of at each other. “Even the most meticulous can fall prey to happenstance.” Beidou hears Kazuha’s exhale at that, and turns her head just the slightest bit towards him, “You must have been diligent in your care for your friend. It’s not surprising that you’d accidentally fall into a routine you already knew. She can be wise sometimes, when she isn’t fining me for the slightest infractions just because she’s feeling petty.”
Kazuha is quiet for only a moment longer, before he says, “She sounds pleasant,” and she’d think it was sarcasm if it wasn’t for the way he says it, honest and soft. Beidou huffs a laugh.
“Ah, she’s a living nightmare. I adore her. But, Kazuha, if doing these kinds of things helps you sort out that fucked up head of yours, I don’t mind.” She explains, right as his painkillers kick in and she thinks, yeah, she could definitely get used to this. These are the best ones she’s had in a long time.
“I’m…I am fearful that if I do, I will never reach peace. I’ll never be able to let go of his memory.”
It twists at her heart, because the way he speaks is saturated in heartbreak, and she realises in that moment that the friend he lost was not quite just a friend. She knows Ningguang worries each time she leaves port, but she’s never had to have those same concerns with her wife safe up in the Jade Chamber and the entire force of the millelith behind her. It only takes a second of the idea of it to make her feel like wretching, and it isn’t the hangover.
“Damn, kid.” She murmurs, “It’s really fucked, what you’ve been through.”
It’s an understatement, she’s never been good at words of comfort and always had an inappropriate inclination towards blunt statements. Kazuha doesn’t seem to be offended though.
“Yes, though I would not quite articulate it in such a way.” He muses, and his head turns upwards, facing the ceiling. “Captain?”
“Yeah?”
“I had attempted to utilise myself for the cause,” He swallows, “Yet Gorou, he told me that the resistance was no place for a heart to heal.”
“He’s damn right there,” Beidou agrees instantly. She’s known the kid two days and she’s sure he would’ve fought until he died for absolutely no reason. His purpose was too torn up, his heart so far from in it, he would’ve been just another casualty. “But I think he was doing you one hell of a favour by being honest with you, kiddo. In the resistance, all you’d be is cannon fodder, like this.”
Kazuha is quiet for too long this time, so Beidou takes a risk and looks over at him. Her eyes widen and panic floods her. See! This is why she should stay the hell away from kids.
“Fuck, don’t cry.”
“No, no, it’s quite alright.” Kazuha says, as though his cheeks aren’t wet and his eyes aren’t flooding with even more tears. “You’re likely correct in that assumption. I only…I only wished to honour his memory by joining the battle in his stead.”
“He was real big on freeing Inazuma then?”
“He was an idiot.” And then, Kazuha laughs, covers his mouth in shock, only to laugh through it. There are still tears flooding down those pale cheeks. Beidou is a little afraid she may have caused the poor kid to lose his mind. “He was, though. He walked right into Tenshukaku Palace with the foolish faith that he could endure Musuo no Ittou, and if not, what would it matter? He would have no consequences to speak of afterwards, with no life left within him.” And then he takes a shaky breath, the laughter dying abruptly. “It was cruel. His decision, it was thoughtless and cruel and now…now I find myself lost on how to persevere.”
Ah. Well, if he’d gotten used to her so quickly, it makes sense that his…friend, was similar to as boisterous and overconfident as she can be. Although she probably wouldn’t walk right to her own death, though. Either way, she understands him a little better now.
“Kazuha, how old are you, kid?”
“I’m sixteen.”
She forces the string of cusses to stay in her mind, rather than spoken aloud, and instead, she reaches out and grips his shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.
“Things seem shit right now. I won’t lie to you, they will be for a while. But you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, you just need time. Time, and a good spar. Come on, samurai boy, We can beat the shit out of each other for a while.”
…
She’s still irked the next day when she catches the amused glances of the crew following her loss. It was fucking close , okay, the kid got lucky. Even so, he’s shown that he’s capable and the way he’d looked mid spar, eyes alight and the tiniest of smirks on his lips upon his victory had been worth it.
Maybe, on their detours, she’ll let him fight. It goes against everything she stands for, but he’d finally looked alive, present, like he was living and breathing in that moment. So, as long as she sticks close, what’s the harm?
…
She doesn’t expect them to become the unit that they do, though. Together, they’re like a hurricane, a thunderstorm, and the way he interacts with her electro says a lot about what the masterless vision used to hold. Stories are told about them, bards write ballads, treasure hoarders nearly shit themselves when they realise who they’ve messed with.
It’s honestly the most fun she’s had with anyone but Ning, and maybe a very few select others. He’s growing on her, like moss on a tree, and he’s also affecting her negatively if that’s the fucking stupid flowery bullshit metaphor she’s using for it.
He’s smiling more and more these days, interacting with the crew willingly, and if he isn’t with them, well, everyone knows where his usual perch is, up high on the ship’s shoulder.
He always looks contemplative when he’s up there, and occasionally she’ll hear him composing something and stop to listen, because the kid can say some profound stuff.
She’s self aware enough to notice the way he’s burrowing his way deep, deep into her heart, claiming a place there completely unintentionally, and it’s going to fuck her up when she has to say goodbye to him in Liyue, probably for good. He’s a wanderer, he’d said wistfully once, he’ll just go where the wind takes him. She’s not foolish enough to believe the wind will keep him in Liyue just because she wants him in her life.
It’s the shittiest thing that could have come of all of this.
…
“I bet your parents probably miss you like crazy,” Beidou muses one night, as they’re sitting on the floorboards of her quarters as he attempts to teach her how to crochet. She sucks at it.
Kazuha just shakes his head. “They were not kind people. I doubt I’d be exaggerating if I assumed they hadn’t spared me a thought since they abandoned me.”
Beidou pauses, her occupied hands frozen in place. “Abandoned?”
“Oh, yes.” He says, as though it doesn’t bother him at all. “It is just how things are done, a tradition in the Kaedehara Klan. Tradition, however, dictates they return to claim me after two years. They did not. I believe my departure was a mere day after my seventh year.”
Beidou wants to find them, and then strangle them until they can come up with a single good fucking reason to do that to a kid, let alone their own. And if they don’t, what she does is nobody’s business but her own.
“How did you survive?”
“The kindness of strangers, occasionally,” He looks thoughtful, even as he continues to crochet, “Mostly through bartering and through winning in combat, and well, sometimes I admit I may have resorted to thievery. Although, by my thirteenth year, I was quite adept at making any place I found myself into my home.”
It’s heartbreaking. It explains a lot, too. “Where did you learn to compose?”
“I found myself alone quite a few times,” Kazuha shrugs daintily. “It is good to keep the mind as occupied, strong, and well exercised, as your body, in times of strife. Eventually, I grew quite fond of it. I find it calming, and the language beautiful, ever changing but all the same in the end. Words are just words, it is how you utilise them that alters their impact.”
She hadn’t realised. His mind, his poetic disposition, it’s what must have kept him sane. And here he sits, teaching her to crochet, and acting like his childhood wasn’t a a dumpster fire of trauma.
“And then you met the idiot.” She deduces, and he grins, then, and nods.
“I wanted nothing from him in the beginning. He was…loud, and ignorant. Yet he was kind. He had ambition that I could not help but feel inspired by. He became something precious to me, so much so that I never left his side.” And then Kazuha frowns, and looks away. “Except for just a few days. And I was too late on my return to do anything for him in return for all that he had given me.”
Beidou sighs softly. “If you’d gotten there any sooner, you’d both be dead. And what would be the point of that, huh? Two dead kids, for no reason. Nah, you did enough just being his friend, I’d bet.”
She contemplates her next move carefully, and then, she decides that if it will help, she’ll gladly share her own story too. “You wanna know why I help the common folk so much? Why I give freebies to the ones who can’t pay?”
Kazuha’s eyes widen and he leans forward in interest. “I had admittedly pondered your actions.”
She smiles at him, albeit small and wistful, and begins. “Growing up, we had pretty much nothing to our name. No titles, food and mora were scarce, and I got real good at climbing trees to steal fruits so we could eat. It was difficult, but it made me strong. Even then, when I got a ship of my own, I was cast out by pompous merchants with sticks up their ass and outdated ideas about class. So, I’ve worked my ass off to get here. I always figured, if you can change something, change it.”
Kazuha bites at his lip. “What if you can’t?”
“Don’t waste your time thinking about it. How will that help with anything? Nah, you gotta think about the future. About what you can do for yourself, to make things better. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t rely on people you trust, though. You should never force yourself to carry that shit on your own, you hear me?”
Kazuha flushes as she must catch onto what she’d figured he’d try to take away from that. Then, with a small smile, he looks at her and says, “Can I rely on you, Beidou?”
It’s the first time he’s used her first name. It’s the first time he’s even suggested that he’d like them to be close as well, at least verbally. There have been other hints.
“Yeah, Kazuha. If you ever, and I really mean it, if you ever find yourself stuck, I’ll help you deal with it.”
“I realise now I’ve never thanked you,” Kazuha murmurs, “And I am, indeed thankful. Indebted to you, additionally. Yet, I’ve never relied on anybody before. Aside from Tomo.”
It’s also the first mention of his friend’s name. Tomo. She’ll remember it for him, another person to keep that memory alive for Kazuha.
“If it’s too difficult for you right now-“
“No, I’m attempting to tell you that you’ve made it somehow effortless for me to find myself falling back on you. Relying on you has already become second nature, to me. I can’t comprehend how it happened without my cognisance, until now.”
Beidou can’t hold it back any longer. She drops the stupid crochet shit and grabs him by his shoulders, pulling him in far tighter than she really should. His little ‘oof’ of surprise is so endearing that she presses her face to the crown of his head, and doesn’t release him for a long moment.
Afterwards, she just shrugs her shoulders when he looks at her with a questioning gaze.
“Wanted to do it. Did it. Don’t regret it.” She states simply, blunt, to the point, and he laughs, open and free.
“I enjoyed it, as well. It’s certainly been a while since I’ve been given such a kind touch.”
She frowns again. Looks at him with her most serious expression. “No offence kid, but I’m going to find your parents, and kill them in cold blood.”
He just smiles at her, serene. “Oh, after they didn’t come for me it didn’t take more than a few moons for me to discover they were already long gone. I am the only one left with the Kaedehara Klan title, now.”
She huffs, but she’s glad they’re at least gone. “I guess I didn’t do it myself, but at least it’s done.”
A long pause, and then, “Back on the topic of survival, you could marry rich. That’s been pretty fun for me so far.”
She barely dodges the book Kazuha has snatched off the desk behind him to throw at her.
…
It’s one of those nights where spirits are high and tankards are raised and raucous laughter rings out overwhelming even the roaring seas.
Her crew are in good spirits after a day of recovering some insanely valuable goods from an encampment of treasure hoarders, and Beidou lives for moments like this, it’s half the reason she chose this life for herself. The adrenaline of the battle and the gratification and pride in the win.
It’s Juza, lifting his hand, that catches her eye over his tankard and discretely he directs her attention to the closed door of her quarters. She frowns, surprised, because they all owe this win to Kazuha, he had been their wild card, the hoarder’s final devastation. So why isn’t he out here celebrating?
She looks back to Juza, who looks up even mid conversation with Yinxing, always somehow able to tell what she needs without fail. There’s a reason he’s her chief mate. They nod at each other, and just like that he is Captain in her stead while she checks in on her the boy.
She pauses in the doorway and watches him with worried eyes. He’s huddled on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around them tightly, head dropped low. It’s not like she doesn’t know he’s still struggling, not like she’s forgotten, but she hadn’t expected this tonight of nights.
“Kazuha?” Her voice isn’t gentle the way most people’s would be with kids in distress, but she just doesn’t know how to do that and it’s just another reason why she would never make for a good caretaker. She fails him every day.
“Beidou.” His voice is steady for but he doesn’t lift his head. Just stays completely still, with seemingly no plans to change that.
“So, it’s finally caught up to you, huh?” She asks, uncertain, because she’d kind of thought it already had, but she’s never seen him like this before and it’s been seven weeks. Certainly on land, not a long time, but on a confined ship, people tend to become much closer over time.
“That’s not it.” Kazuha finally lifts his head, and while those dark bags are finally gone, he still seems just…empty, sometimes. She considers Baizhu chatting away during a night out drinking, and thinks he called something like that disassociation. There’s not much she can do about that, except make sure he doesn’t accidentally cause himself harm. This isn’t that though, so again, she is at a loss.
“You gotta give me something here, kid.” She prods, resting her tankard down on the desk and coming to stand by the bed, “I wanna help you out, but I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on in that head you fill with a pot of prose and a fucking windmill of insecurity.”
He snorts, and she grins. Point one for Beidou, she thinks victoriously. He always seems to find her insults funny, even when most others would be offended, some even reaching for their weapons. She’s never intentionally rude, she just tells it like it is. Except for when she tells it like it isn’t, and that is called lying. Either way, she feels like he won’t protest if she moves closer.
It’s thoughtless, the way she reaches out and brushes white locks out of his face as she settles down facing him, seated on the end of the bed. “It’s inconsequential and senseless. Do not worry yourself over my troubles tonight. Please, just enjoy the celebration.”
If she wasn’t worried before, she is now. “That’s fucking stupid, why would I do that?” She frowns and crosses her arms, “What, you think I’ll see you all down like this, probably shitting all over yourself like usual, and just walk away, have a drink, laugh the night away?”
Kazuha jolts a bit, and his lips twitch in a way that belays his attempt to hide his amusement when he offers a soft, “Yes?”
She whacks his leg. He kicks her arm as it retracts. Oh, it’s on.
So, it’s probably not helpful that they devolve into kicks and punches and slaps and elbows and even a fricking headbutt at one point, but nobody ever claimed she was a good adult.
Even so, Kazuha is laughing freely and doing his best to tackle her when she manages to get a knee free and get him in the stomach. He goes down hard, breathing heavily, and then that look is on his face again. Shit, should she keep hitting him? It was fun a moment ago, but she isn’t so sure it’s the right move now.
“This.” He says, finally, still catching his breath as the back of his unscathed hand comes up to collect his gathering tears.
“What’s that, kid?” Beidou asks, wondering if by some miracle beating kids up and letting them beat you in return actually makes them open up to you. She doesn’t think that’s exactly ethical, but if it works she’ll take it.
“It’s this. This is the reason that I am…distressed.”
Beidou’s mouth has gone dry. She knew it, she fucking knew that she was bad for this kid, she’d known from the start that she was the worst possible person to be looking after a teenager.
But hearing him say it feels like someone has fucked her wife, stabbed her guts and ripped her heart out with their own hands all at once.
She was never supposed to care this much.
“I’m sorry.” Because what else can she say? She’s beyond sorry, beyond repentant, beyond any ornery word the kid could come up with to describe just how much she hates herself right now. Or, how much it fucking hurts.
Kazuha, still dabbing at wet cheeks with billowy sleeves, frowns at her, confusion plain on his round face, the tiniest of stubborn baby face clinging onto his face. “Why are you at fault? My heart is my own and as such are my hopeless longings.”
Wait, now she’s confused as well. “I don’t think we’re even reading the same book anymore, Kid.” She readily admits, and he looks briefly embarassed before sitting himself up and taking an adorably big breath, as if to prepare himself for what he’s about to say.
Morax, why couldn’t he have been hers? Why didn’t she get to hold him when he was small, teach him how to fight, raise him right? What was his first word? When did he take his first steps, or try his favourite food for the first time? Why not her?
Why them? They hadn’t deserved him. Whether they’d come back for him back then or not, they hadn’t deserved this precious kid one bit.
“My troubles, at current, are due to the nature of my…emotional attachment, to you.” He explains, and while his voice may be calm his eyes are anywhere but on her.
It takes her a moment. “You’re upset because we’re friends?” She asks, incredulous. This kid is a real fucking weirdo sometimes. She wants to keep him so bad she thinks it’s the closest she’ll get to a heart attack every time she thinks about it.
His cheeks flush a much darker red then, and he swallows, fiddles with a sleeve, and then, much quieter than his previous statement, as though hoping she won’t hear, he explains, “You are the epitome of what I envisage a mother…one who cared for me, would be like.”
Oh.
Oh.
This kid.
“Let me guess, you think that would freak me out or something?” She asks, as if her heart isn’t pounding a new rhythm against her chest and her stomach isn’t writhing and her mind isn’t racing. She ignores the desperate hope that is trying it’s damn best to take over.
“Doesn’t it?” He asks, soft, unsure, but finally looking at her again. “I have had parents, and I have no need of them anymore. It is…peculiar, humiliating and…” he frowns hard, tears welling up yet again, “Frightening, that this of all things, is the pipe dream that my heart is intent on.”
Beidou can’t help it. It’s not her fault, it’s just, shit, the one and only kid she’s ever wanted to be anywhere near, has just admitted he sees her as a mother. Her eyes widen. She could put the adoption papers through on fast track if she flaunts Ninggaung’s favour with the staff, he could be her son within days of docking, it would be that easy.
“Please do not mock my feelings.” Kazuha’s voice wavers, and she blinks out of her reverie to see him looking absolutely devastated. Fuck .
“No, fuck, kid, I was- it’s just, you’re under eighteen, so legally, I can adopt you. I was just thinking about that, is all.”
Kazuha looks starstruck for just a moment before he recovers. “You would adopt me?”
“Listen,” Beidou can’t keep the smile off her face, this is the second best day of her archons damned life. “I never wanted kids, I mean ever. I don’t even really know how to talk to them, and honestly, even teenagers are a bit much for me. I know how to deal with adults just fine, cause I don’t give a fuck if I hurt their feelings or something, you know? That’s their problem.”
She knows he’s growing confused by the look on his face and spares a small, gentle squeeze of his uninjured hand. She’s going somewhere with this, and if she can see anyone being patient enough to find out, it’s her kid.
“But then you got on my ship and ruined everything.” He blanches, and she snorts unattractively in amusement. “No, not like that. All that stuff, about never wanting to be someone’s Mom? You may as well have stepped out of that crate with the adoption papers ready, kid. Each day, the more I got to know you, and the more I realised how fucking special you are, the more I wished you were my kid.” She throws her arms up, “Hell, I wanna yell “That’s my son!” When you beat the shit out of someone or put on one of your fancy poetry performances, and I always thought that was a weird as fuck thing to do before.”
She waits, as Kazuha stares at her, looking like he’s been told a secret so huge that he can’t comprehend it.
“I want that with you, kiddo. So, since you said you do too, then let’s just fucking do it. Be my son.” Oh, oh no. It’s the last sentence that does her in, her voice cracking, her pride fucking shattering on the floor. She isn’t crying but she’s sure her eyes are at least glossy. “Kazuha, be my son.”
He’s so damn light that she isn’t even thrown backwards when he launches himself at her, his arms around her and his body shivering, repeating the same words over and over.
“Yes,” “please,” and “mom.”
…
So, she might have forgotten to consider Ning in all of this. Sort of. A bit.
So when they jump down from the starboard together just because Kazuha had implied she couldn’t safely do so, she comes face to face with the most beautiful and most terrifying woman on the planet.
“Hey hot stuff,” She goes for casual, and barely holds back a laugh when she sees Kazuha’s nose wrinkle in distaste. “How’s running the city been?”
“Did you do the paperwork.” It isn’t even a question, it’s a dry statement, and Beidou rolls her eyes as she presents said thick folder to her wife in return.
Ninggaung smiles. “I’ve missed you very much.” She says, as she drops a publicly appropriate kiss on Beidou’s cheek. Beidou chuckles.
“Ah, and they say love is unconditional when truly it all depends on whether or not a bunch of work sheets are filled out.” She teases happily, wrapping her arms around her wife and feeling that familiar joy and adoration she felt every time she came back to dock to find Ning waiting for her.
“In this case, it does,” Ninggaung says sweetly, “Or of course, I could fine or even jail you for the clear code violation of child trafficking.”
Oh shit. Oh no. That’s the saccharine sweet voice Ninggaung uses when she’s about to make her sleep on the couch. Oh, come on, not on the first night back!
“It isn’t what it looks like,” Beidou holds a hand up placatingly, “He’s…” She glances over at Kazuha, eyes wide and panicked, and the boy strides over until he’s standing close enough for the both of them to hear him even at a whisper.
“I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, your excellency.” He bows, though it is still the Inazuman way. Ning maybe even looks a little less murderous. “My name is Kaedehara Kazuha. I am a former member of the resistance in Inazuma. It was simply happenstance that Captain Beidou was docked upon my need to flee Inazuma.”
“The Shogun herself wanted him dead, Ning, the fuck was I supposed to do? And look at him! Look at those cute little cheeks!” She pinches one, just because she knows it will embarrass the kid, “And he’s well educated, a hard worker-“
“Do not tell me you asked a child to work on the journey.” Ning has closed her eyes. That’s the ‘I’m about to commit murder’ face.
“Ah, I apologise, Your Excellency, but I did offer, and I also enjoyed the work. I think perhaps you think I am younger than I am.”
Ninggaung blinks one single eye open. “You offered?”
“Insisted.”
“And how old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
Ningguang opens both eyes and makes what much classier people would classify as a sigh. It’s really just the tiniest of exhales. “I’ll admit I thought you were perhaps twelve years of age.”
Kazuha blushes and Beidou loses her shit, laughing so hard a tear comes to her eye, all as Ninggaung watches on with exasperation.
“It seems to be an unfortunate misunderstanding that befalls me often.” Kazuha mumbles, sounding almost grumpy about it.
“Aw, kiddo,” Beidou doesn’t even pause in her laughter to tease him.
“As I’m sure you know, I am Lady Ninggaung of the Liyue Qixing, and due to rather unfortunate circumstances of my own, I am the Captain’s wife. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance as well, Kaedehara Kazuha.”
“Just call him Kazuha,” Beidou pipes up, covering for the way Kazuha seems utterly charmed by Ninggaung’s charisma and intrigued by the differences between them.
“Very well then, if that is what he prefers,” Ning agrees easily, and then one of her softer, more gentle smiles takes it’s place on her face. “I must admit it’s very strange to see you getting along so well with someone younger than twenty one.” She murmurs softly, lovingly, “It’s even stranger that you introduced us properly and haven’t taken your hand off his shoulder since, love.”
Wait, really? Beidou and Kazuha both glance at her hand resting on his shoulder in surprise and then give each other an amused look.
“I can see where you’re coming from,” Beidou begins, getting ready for whatever backlash may come, “But I have to admit something.”
“Mm, darling?”
“Ning, Ninggaung, love of my life, soulmate-“
“The point, please.”
“There is one piece of paperwork I haven’t done.” Beidou grins as she says it, and sees the moment Kazuha has to turn away to hide his amusement as he quickly catches on.
“You…you literally did it all, except for one document?” Ninggaung confirms, looking equal parts incredulous and exasperated. “I’m giving you a fine for the scratches you left on the harbour.”
“Tch, the harbours fine.” Beidou eyes the harbour that she actually did leave scratches on nervously. Oops.
“Well, which document was so difficult to fill out that you couldn’t do it?” Ningguang asks expectantly, and Beidou’s beam returns full force.
“Adoption papers.”
Ning blinks. “I didn’t include…oh, oh I see.” She looks between Beidou and Kazuha slowly, elegant in her movements, but Beidou has known her long enough to recognise that she is struggling to make this make sense. It’s not like Beidou hadn’t been vocal about her opinions on things like this after all.
Except then she focuses on Kazuha, narrows her eyes, and asks, “Are you absolutely certain you want to be legally as well as filially linked to this woman forever? I did it, and I would feel incredibly dishonest if I did not warn you that she is a nightmare of a person.”
For some reason, her last sentence makes Kazuha bite his lip hard to avoid a laugh and his eyes dart between them with an amusement she doesn’t quite understand the source of.
Beidou doesn’t take offence, she knows her wife isn’t serious, it’s just her way of attempting to begin some kind of relationship with the boy, which makes perfect sense considering what with their marriage, he’ll be her son too.
Huh, Beidou really doesn’t think things through. That hadn’t even crossed her mind.
Kazuha though, he smiles, but it is a small, shy thing, and oh Beidou could die because it is so obvious he is trying to make a good impression. “I am quite satisfied with my decision, your excellency. Mom has helped me achieve my lost strength of mind and heart, and we care for each other a great deal, I’m afraid.”
Ah, jeez. Right in the heart.
Ningguang makes a soft sound of approval. “Young man, you seem quite well spoken. Intelligent, respectful, suitably dressed,” She knows it’s a jab at her lack of pants and she just shrugs, smug, until Ninggaung finishes with, “Well, it’ll certainly be more believable for the citizens of Liyue that she’s your mother if I am too.”
“Are you implying-“
“Oh, darling, I am more than implying.” Ningguang smirks, and archons damn her for the way it makes Beidou’s heart flutter. “In any case, there is a document to be filled and submitted, and a new son for me to get to know, so we shall take a change in routine and I shall clear my schedule for today.” She declares, and then turns apologetic eyes on Kazuha, “As my position dictates, that is truly the most I can do, just the one full day together. However I will find the time to see you frequently, assuming you aren’t on a trip with your other mother at the time.”
Kazuha’s smile is blinding, and his eyes are watering, and archons, Beidou can honestly say she’s never seen a person so overwhelmingly happy in her entire life.
“That would be wonderful.”