Chapter Text
The Force is. Past, present, future, now, then, always is, and never was. One of Its Lights is pleading, crying, devastation and grief writ through them, now, and then again, and again, and again. And yet he still keeps his Brightness, and the Force loves him for it, even as It resents him for managing it.
That course of events holds true, even as now, what should be, shifts. Its Light refuses to let go, pouring himself into the other to keep him alive. Dies as a consequence, and what should have been a careful balance and struggle between Light and Dark gets thrown awry as Its Son sways too far, too easily to blackness. The Force rejoices. The Force cries out in agony.
It will happen, it is happening, it has happened, and the Force cannot allow it. So, here, now, as one of Its most precious Lights gives himself away too selfishlessly, too recklessly, undoing it all… The Force surges forth and changes.
Anakin didn’t really know what to think of Obi-Wan Kenobi. On the transport to Coruscant, he’d been…. Absolutely wizard, honestly. He’d taken one look at him, and felt a warmth fill him up, kinda like what Padme did. The moment their hands had touched, something just felt… right. Clicked into place, like when he found the right piece for C-3PO, or managed a wizard turn in podracing.
And he’d thought Obi-Wan liked him too. He hadn’t minded Anakin following him around the ship when Padmé was too busy to spend time with him, or answering his questions. It wasn’t the same as with Mom, but it’d been pretty close, and Anakin thought things wouldn’t be too bad actually at the temple if he could keep hanging out with Obi-Wan.
But then they’d met with the stupid council, all cold, and judgy, like those slave masters that judged what he and his mom was worth with a glance, and it burned something within him.
He didn’t trust or like the Council at all , for how they treated him and Qui-Gon, but the fact that afterwards Obi-Wan wouldn’t even look at him anymore, cold and closed off, was more than enough for him to really hate them. Them and their dumb questions, and stupid tests, and refusing to let him in even though he’d already proved he could do what they did… It was their fault that Obi-Wan didn’t like him anymore, that this distance, loud and painful, existed between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan now.
Though it hadn’t felt too painful after some time on Naboo. And the space battle, loud, and wild, but ultimately victorious, distracted him so much that he had completely forgotten about it. And then hurt and fear pierced through him so deeply, he’d lost sight of where he was and what he was doing, sobs choking out of him, and calling desperately for his mom.
He'd pushed through the throng of people, not really seeing anything, just following the pain that howled out. He wanted to run away from it on some level, a part of his heart telling him too much! too much! and it scared him. But he wanted to make it better too, knew that he could if he just got there .
Someone grabbed his shoulder, trying to slow him down, stop him and- “No! He- he’s hurt, and I can-, he needs help and I know I can-!” And he took off running, not even bothering to explain more or check if anyone followed him.
But he should have. And he was lucky that they sent a team of medics down below after him. Seeing Obi-Wan, too pale, too exhausted, almost like his mom some evenings, cradling a too still and even paler Qui-Gon, Anakin didn’t think he could've done anything at all.
Sitting next to Qui-Gon, who was still breathing, still alive , Obi-Wan remembered that Anakin was somewhere in the palace with a jolt. The guilt and shame of letting Qui-Gon get hurt in the first place had already been at war with his relief and joy that he’d survive, but this additional failure swept away the latter two completely.
He’d been so focused on Qui-Gon; clutching his form close, pouring the Force, his own self into his weakening body, pleading the Force to not take him away, not yet, not yet, he did not want to let go yet, it was not time yet . By some miracle, Qui-Gon had lasted long enough for others to arrive and then they’d manage to coordinate a proper medical rescue. He’d barely left his side, unwilling to let go and no longer feel the weak, thready pulse in his wrist, and when he had to, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Not until he knew for sure that everything possible had been done to help Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan was sure Qui-Gon would manage to do the rest; he was too stubborn to die at this point.
It also didn’t help that Obi-Wan had no clue how to treat Anakin Skywalker. It was one thing when he was yet another stray Qui-Gon picked up and helped. His Master was always one to help when he could, and often when he shouldn’t. But then in the council meeting, Qui-Gon had decided to train Anakin as a padawan himself if the Council wouldn’t take him in. Obi-Wan had spent years trying to earn Qui-Gon’s regard. Tried to figure out what Qui-Gon wanted in a padawan, and mold himself into something worthy. Over the years, he’d like to think he had managed to succeed on some level, that Qui-Gon valued him as a mission partner and appreciated his help. To find out he’d been deluding himself so severely… A part of him was crying out this isn’t fair ! and resented Anakin for appearing so suddenly and inserting himself into their lives.
But that would be truly unfair. It was not Anakin’s fault that he had whatever quality Qui-Gon wanted in a padawan, that Qui-Gon liked what he saw in him. All he wanted was to be Jedi and he deserved the chance to be one. Nor was it wrong for Qui-Gon to offer that opportunity when he would have been refused, or for Qui-Gon to find a padawan he actually wanted to train and then do so. Really, it simply came down to the fact that Obi-Wan was lacking and he’d hoped for something so hard he ended up believing he had it.
And now he was responsible for the young boy. At the very least while Qui-Gon was out of commission and could not look after him, Obi-Wan had a responsibility to ensure that he was provided for. It was only the right thing to do.
With one last look at this Master’s recovering form, he stood up and left his bedside. As far as he knew, Anakin hadn’t been involved in the battle and, Force willing, had spent the entire time safe and sound in the yellow ship Qui-Gon told him to stay in. Hopefully Queen Amidala and gone back to find him after the palace had been taken back from the Trade Federation.
His ruminations were cut short as he stepped into the waiting room and found Anakin perched on one of the chairs. No doubt waiting for some word that Qui-Gon would be alright.
Obi-Wan stepped back into the shadows of the door. Sighed silently and closed his eyes. He didn’t have the time for a full and proper meditation to get his mind and feelings in order, but he refused to allow his misplaced jealousy and bitterness, never mind the fear that Qui-Gon might not make it, to come across in the following conversation. He focused instead on how young Anakin was, on how confused and worried he must be, having been placed on an active battlefield and then his new primary caregiver was grievously wounded. Let the protectiveness and compassion fill his mind and body until all his negative feelings were safely pushed away and forgotten for the moment. Obi-Wan could deal with those later; right now, Anakin needed him.
Anakin didn’t really know how long he’d been sitting here. Padmé had stopped by long enough to bring food and some warmth to the cold waiting room, but she had to leave and Anakin hadn’t wanted to leave just yet. He couldn’t leave, not until he knew for sure how things turned out.
The sound of soft footsteps made Anakin look up from where he was fidgeting with his hands.
“Obi-Wan! Is Mr. Qui-Gon okay?” Obi-Wan smiled at him and it was almost like getting a hug from Padmé.
“He’ll be alright eventually, Anakin, thanks to you and the medic team you brought.”
Anakin squirmed a little in place, something pleased and proud curling in his chest. “I didn’t really do much though, I just showed up. It was the other pilots who thought of sending medics down after me.”
“You brought attention to someone requiring aid and conveyed the seriousness of their need. It is more than I managed to do.”
Something in Obi-Wan’s voice didn’t sit right with Anakin and he peered more closely up at him. He didn’t look as scary pale as he did down below the palace, but he still looked tired and sad to Anakin’s eye.
“Are you okay, Obi-Wan?”
Obi-Wan blinked at him for a moment, and though his expression didn’t change much, it felt more real. “I’m quite alright, Anakin, thank you, it’s just been quite a long few days. I don’t suppose you’d mind if I joined you?” He gestured at the seat beside Anakin, and Anakin nodded eagerly.
He settled down next to him, and Anakin couldn’t help but lean a little into his space. He got the impression that Obi-Wan didn’t really like cuddles and hugs like Anakin did, but he felt warm and peaceful and Anakin really needed it right now. Maybe Obi-Wan wouldn’t notice him getting gradually closer.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, and Anakin looked up at the blue eyes looking back down at him, “I would like to apologize for taking so long to seek you out.”
Anakin straightened up. “It’s fine, Obi-Wan. What was going on with Mr. Qui-Gon… It was more important than what I was doing. And, besides, Padme looked after me.”
“And I’m pleased to hear that you were cared for while neither Master Qui-Gon nor I could, however… I’m sorry. That I did not try to look for you sooner, to explain things or help situate you.” Obi-Wan paused briefly. “Being left alone like that must not have felt nice.”
Anakin cut eye contact with Obi-Wan and fiddled with the edge of his clothes. “It didn’t,” he admitted softly, and it sort of felt like being in the room with the Council and the way they tried to get him to say he was afraid, but it wasn’t really like that at all, because he got to choose to say it and he didn’t think Obi-Wan would hurt him with it.
An arm lay itself across his shoulders, robes wrapping partway over him, and, not thinking twice, he shuffled even closer to Obi-Wan. The warmth that had been curling in his chest unfurled to encompass all of him.
“I am here now, Anakin, and I will be with you until Master Qui-Gon awakens.”
Anakin bit his lip. The fact that Obi-Wan wouldn’t stay with him after Qui-Gon started training him dampened his spirits, but he tried to focus on the more important stuff. “I’ll stay with you and the Jedi? Does that mean I’ll be trained?”
Obi-Wan looked surprised at the question. “Of course. Qui-Gon said he would, and he does not lie about such things.”
“The Council didn’t seem to think it was okay, and I thought they got to decide,” Anakin said.
Obi-Wan snorted, and Anakin’s mouth dropped open a little in shock at the sound. “The day the Council actually manages to dictate what Master Qui-Gon can and cannot do will be the day the galaxy collapses upon itself.” Obi-Wan eyed Anakin’s shock with some amusement. “The Council are our leaders, who we turn to for guidance as they have much experience and wisdom, and help steer us Jedi in a common direction. And, if necessary, they do have the final say in internal decisions. But they do not get to dictate our choices. My Master, in particular, tends to do as he wishes, and will likely train you whether they approve or not.”
“They said I wouldn’t be trained, though, that I was too angry!”
Obi-Wan sighed heavily and looked even more tired, and Anakin felt bad for his outburst. He settled back down a little, and leaned even closer into Obi-Wan, not wanting to be pushed away. “So I heard, Anakin, and I believe both sides were perhaps a bit too hasty in expressing themselves. Master Qui-Gon is quite a stubborn man, and the Council, for all their virtues, are beings like anyone else and can get quite caught up in Qui-Gon’s stride.”
Obi-Wan stopped and peered down at Anakin, who was halfway into his lap at this point and wondered if he could make it all the way. “Would it help if I tried to explain why the Council rejected Qui-Gon’s option?” Anakin didn’t really think it would help much, honestly, and he kind of wanted Obi-Wan to relax himself, but he also did want to know, because he didn’t understand what he did wrong. So he nodded slightly.
Obi-Wan didn’t speak for a while, long enough that Anakin started fidgeting again and wondered if maybe Obi-Wan was going to not explain anything after all. But before he could really get annoyed, Obi-Wan spoke up. "The Council… is worried, I suppose, over whether or not you would… acclimate to our way of life." Anakin scrunched up his nose, not really following, and Obi-Wan tried to clarify, "It is not easy, being a Jedi. All of us have grown up in the Temple, listening to the Masters' teachings, and yet some of us still struggle with understanding them, might have even lost our way…"
"So they don't want to teach me because they think I won't understand their rules?" Anakin really didn't like the sound of that. For the first time, he wondered if he actually wanted to be a Jedi.
"Ah, it is not so much rules as… our way of living and seeing the universe. I'm not sure…" Obi-Wan fiddled with the end of his braid. "Your mother, she taught how to behave around others, what to value, yes? Or you have noticed such things on your own?"
Anakin wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. His mom kept him safe, and he learned how to do the same for her. He nodded anyway.
"The transition between your upbringing on Tatooine and on here could be difficult, as the two might not be similar at all. Things that wouldn’t be out of place where you grew up, would not be so here. Self-reflection and control of ourselves, in particular, are some of the values that we place great emphasis on, and even then, we do not always manage it well.” Obi-Wan quirked his mouth a little.
That still just sounded like Anakin had to follow a bunch of rules just to be accepted, but he was getting tired and he was kind of worried that Obi-Wan would get mad at him for still not getting it. So, he just nodded agreeably.
Obi-Wan looked back at him, and Anakin was so sure that he could see right through his lie, and his heart dropped down to his stomach. He didn’t know what would be worse, Obi-Wan actually getting mad at him for lying, or Obi-Wan being disappointed in him for it. He kept his face as innocent as possible.
Obi-Wan sighed a little, and brushed a hand through his hair. “Rest, Anakin. Tomorrow is another day.”
Anakin, Obi-Wan reflected, was a lot like a lothcat. It didn’t take long at all for him to fall asleep, and he had fully nestled himself into Obi-Wan’s lap. It brought to mind countless strays Qui-Gon had brought home and made Obi-Wan help care for. The difference being that Qui-Gon was not here to smirk at Obi-Wan for once again getting trapped by too cuddly creatures and being too kind-hearted to push them away, or for Qui-Gon to bring over blankets or treats so he could sit with them and indulge in an afternoon nap. And once he was healed, Obi-Wan would no longer be welcome to help out. Qui-Gon would never be so crass as to kick him out or imply his presence was a bother, but he understood where he stood with his Master now. And honestly he wasn’t too sure if he even wanted to involve himself in Anakin’s training.
He was a kind child, no doubt about that, but that conversation had been even more difficult than he thought. Even beyond trying to bite back any bitter words, his fumbling as he tried to explain why they were so hesitant to train Anakin made him feel like a freshly made Padawan again, trying to answer Qui-Gon’s questions.
The familiar tap-tap of a stick hitting the stone floor jarred him out of his thoughts. Relief washed through him like nothing else and he felt himself relax for the first time in what felt like years. “Master Yoda,” Obi-Wan softly called, trying not to awaken Anakin, “the Council has arrived?”
"Arrived with Mace Windu, I have. Stay at the temple, the others shall." Yoda's small form tapped his way closer. He took in the position the two of them were in, and Obi-Wan would have sworn his eyes twinkled a little. "Taken care of Anakin, you have."
Obi-Wan shrugged with the shoulder Anakin wasn't leaning on. "He is but a child and needs someone to care for him."
Yoda frowned. "Agree with Qui-Gon, you do? Trained, the child should be?"
"I do not.” Not even a day ago, Obi-Wan would’ve just left it at that, anger controlling his tongue and thoughts. Things changed however. “Nor do I agree with the Council. Perhaps both sides forgot that compromises exist?"
Yoda poked him in the shin with his gimer stick. "Impertinent, you have grown. "
Obi-Wan smiled cheekily. "Is it not the role of the youth to observe and learn from our elders? And I believe I have learned quite a bit over the years watching the Council and Master Qui-Gon interact."
Yoda poked him even harder.
Growing serious, Obi-Wan’s smile faded. "Anakin is not yet past the age of Initiates. We could place him with the others and see how well he takes to Jedi training. Besides with Master-," Obi-Wan cut himself off. "He can only wait and learn what he can until Qui-Gon can take him as a Padawan. "
Yoda said nothing, silently observing him. Obi-Wan gently brushed a few locks of hair out of Anakin’s face, and Anakin sleepily tried to shift even closer. "Do we not owe him at least the chance to try?"
Yoda sighed. "Help Mace organize transport, I will." And suddenly Yoda smiled up at Obi-Wan and gave a much friendlier tap to his leg. "Kind-hearted and wise, you are, young Obi-Wan. Glad I am, that Qui-Gon took you in."
As Yoda left, Obi-Wan wondered, not for the first time, if Yoda and himself were the only ones who felt that way.
The next few days before they could get back to the temple were agonizing to Obi-Wan. If it were up to him, he would've spent them at Qui-Gon’s bedside or throwing himself into training because at this point it was truly self-evident that he was lacking. (Qui-Gon had said there was nothing more he could teach him, but surely he could do better, be better, enough that such a thing would never happen again?) Doing so would hardly be diplomatic, especially once the new Chancellor came before the celebrations of Naboo's liberation.
In that regard, Anakin, and his semi self-appointed task to care for him, helped more than anything else. It was much easier to focus on helping Anakin explore the palace, mess around with the ships the pilots generously allowed access to, and start parting information on what Anakin should expect when they got back. And when he really needed some time alone with Qui-Gon, Padmé was willing enough to care for Anakin in his stead.
The parade itself passed in a blur. He tried to focus on the presence of Anakin, and Yoda, and Mace, even as he kept a careful pulse on the weak Force bond between himself and his Master.
It was a great relief to finally get back to the Temple, some of the tension finally leaving him as he watched the Temple healers gather around Qui-Gon. He didn’t even protest as a different healer came to prod at him and Anakin, and he suspected was the reason it took longer than it should've for them to be shuffled off to their rooms with instructions to rest.
Stepping back into the rooms he shared with his Master felt like stepping back in time. Almost everything had stayed the same, the slightly wilted look to some of Qui-Gon’s plants being the only evidence that time had, indeed, passed. It felt unreal, having this time capsule of what his life used to be like when so much had changed in so little time. Emotions bubbled up from within but he was too tired to decipher them at the moment. He shifted his attention to Anakin, who was quietly waiting beside him. Unusual for him, but perhaps he was just as tired as Obi-Wan, and looking forward to some rest.
Obi-Wan ushered Anakin in. “You can take my bed for now, Anakin, I shall either take up residence in Qui-Gon’s room or on the couch out here.”
Anakin nodded, but stayed put in the middle of the room. He shifted his weight from side to side, eyes peeking up at him from beneath his bangs. The suspicion that perhaps Anakin wanted to speak with him about something only grew as he opened his mouth slightly before shutting it. A wave of exhaustion gripped his very bones, but he refused to let it show.
“Perhaps a cup of tea before bed would help? My Master and I would often share a pot in the mornings and evenings,” Obi-Wan proposed and tried to smile as warmly as he could.
Anakin silently took a seat at the table while Obi-Wan just as silently prepared the tea. The lack of words from Anakin was starting to disturb him. From what Obi-Wan had seen on Naboo, the only time he was ever silent was when he was tinkering with droids, and even then Anakin often muttered small things to himself now and again.
Uncertain how to prod him into speaking, Obi-Wan placed a cup of tea in front of Anakin before joining him at the table.
Anakin stared into his tea like it held all the answers to the universe. Or maybe it was just to avoid eye contact. Obi-Wan had definitely done both in his time as a Padawan himself, and he doubted that would change any time soon. He definitely felt the urge now.
Anakin suddenly looked up at him and blurted out, “Why do you call Qui-Gon ‘master’?”
Obi-Wan blinked, caught off-guard. “It is simply a term of respect and recognition of their mastery in the art of the Force and the Jedi. As a Padawan myself, someone who is in the process of learning how to be a Jedi, it is proper to refer to my mentor and others like him as such. Non-Force sensitives tend to do the same but,” Obi-Wan shrugged, “I am uncertain as to the cause. Perhaps they feel similarly. Or more likely they’ve heard Padawans refer to their teachers as such on their missions and adopted the term themselves.”
Anakin was silent in response to that and Obi-Wan turned back to his tea, feeling uneasy but uncertain as to why.
Anakin’s next question jarred him out of his thoughts. “... Do I have to?” It took a moment for that to process and in a moment of clarity, Obi-Wan recalled Qui-Gon’s half finished mission report. Oh. The shame hit next, at how slow he had been, opening a cold pit in his gut, but he pushed it away for the moment, and he deliberately gentled his voice. “Of course not, Anakin. ‘Mister’ or ‘ma’am’ would work just fine, as well as ‘Sir’ or ‘Lady’, or even simply ‘Knight’. Or their last names.” A spark of mischief and the urge to lighten the mood prompted his next words, “You could come up with your own title as well, I’m sure Yoda would be delighted by such creativity.” And by ‘delighted’, Yoda would likely cackle and then find Obi-Wan to deliver a sharp whack of his stick and scold him for corrupting the youth even as he did nothing to stop Anakin himself.
Anakin huffed a breath before nodding and taking a sip of his drink. His usual chatter didn’t start up however, he just tapped his finger on the cup and fidgeted a little in place.
Clearly that reassurance hadn’t been enough. He could just leave it for Qui-Gon to deal with later. It was no business of his to be this involved, and in some ways, he really shouldn’t involve himself at all. He wasn’t even a Knight. Frankly, he should not be trying to care for or guide Anakin whatsoever, but he still remembered the way his Master tried to make him promise to train Anakin. He doubted he would ever forget it.
Besides, seeing the boy so subdued both physically and in the Force made him uneasy.
“Anakin”, Obi-Wan prompted. He waited patiently until Anakin met his eyes, knowing he needed to see his sincerity in this. “Would it help if I did the same with you?”
Anakin searched his face for a moment, and Obi-Wan carefully kept his discomfort with the idea buried deep down. Despite his earlier assurance to Anakin, it was rather traditional to call more experienced Jedi ‘Master’, especially as a Padawan, and anything else tended towards the uncommon. It did not matter. Helping Anakin settle in was more important for the moment, and soon enough Obi-Wan would not be around all that much anyway.
But Anakin just shrugged and muttered, “I guess,” and went back to staring into his tea.
Irritation flared bright hot. Obi-Wan slowly breathed in and held it. He was suddenly all too aware of the pressure that had been steadily building behind his eyes all day. He breathed out gently.
He took a small sip of his tea. “That’s quite a shame, Anakin, I had quite a few ideas for titles once the possibility was mentioned. And now I won’t get to use them.” Obi-Wan sighed, pretending he didn’t notice the way Anakin perked up a little. “I’m quite certain between the two of us, we would’ve managed to find hundreds of them. Or it could’ve been a fun little game to see who came up with the most. Now we’ll never get the chance.”
Curiosity and a small amount of excitement leaked into the Force. “Prove it,” Anakin challenged.
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.
“You said you had a ton of ideas, I want to hear one.”
With no hesitation, Obi-Wan said, “Hogarlain.”
Anakin’s face scrunched up, but a hint of smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. “Is that a real thing?”
“Of course it is, it’s what we call Jedi teachers,” Obi-Wan replied, completely seriously.
Anakin’s laughter rang out joyfully both in the room and in the Force, and while it didn’t do much for Obi-Wan’s budding headache, it still made everything feel warmer and less hollow.
“Okay, this sounds like fun!” Anakin kicked his legs a little and finished his tea in one swoop.
“Excellent. I shall leave it up to you if this is a team effort or a competition.” Obi-Wan paused, a thought occurring to him. “Though, as rule, you must promise me to not use anything that could be construed as insulting.”
“That takes half the fun out of it!”
“We are still trying to be respectful, Anakin. There’s little point in coming up with new terms of respect if we’re just going to replace them with insults.”
“You’re no fun,” Anakin muttered.
“I am aware,” Obi-Wan replied drily. “Now I believe it’s time to wash up and head to bed.”
Anakin groaned a little but still pushed away from the table and went to the refresher. Once he was out of sight, Obi-Wan let himself slump and rub at his eyes. He wanted, desperately, to just crawl into his own bed and pretend that it was two weeks ago, before they ever got the mission for Naboo. Pretend that Qui-Gon was still his Master and completely uninjured, and Anakin was non-existent to them. Just one last moment of weakness and denial before finally letting go of it all.
The sound of the refresher door swishing open had Obi-Wan straightening up and gathering their empty tea cups.
“My bedroom is on the right, Anakin. Should you need anything, I will be out on the couch.”
“Alright.” Anakin shuffled closer and Obi-Wan eyed him. Before he could ask what was wrong, however, Anakin darted in and gave him a quick hug. “Good night, Obi-Wan!”
Slightly befuddled, Obi-Wan replied “Good night,” and watched him enter the bedroom.
At the very least, this experience was teaching him that he was in no shape or form equipped to have a Padawan of his own.
Obi-Wan should have seen that night, with its headaches and exhaustion and anger, as a warning sign for what was to come. He had thought that being back at the Temple would help him. That the familiarity of his childhood home and peers would bring him comfort, even with everything else feeling so uncertain. Instead, it brought everything into stark relief.
The desire to throw himself into training grew day by day, a fire that scorched his insides. He wanted to sit with Qui-Gon and finally release some of the pleas and apologies that choked him. But Anakin dogged his steps, categorically refusing to be left alone, and he had promised himself to look after him.
So instead Obi-Wan found himself giving Anakin a tour of the Jedi Temple, and then later was dragged around when Anakin found the bravery to actually explore. He took Anakin to visit some of the teachers to pick up assessment tests or help Anakin familiarize himself with them. Neither Obi-Wan or Anakin tried out their new little game. Obi-Wan had the distinct impression that Anakin was waiting for him to make the first move before throwing himself into it, but Obi-Wan stuck with the slightly less formal ‘teacher’. Whatever good humour that had him coming up with the idea in the first place had left him, and he could not find the energy to dredge it up again.
Thankfully, the opportunities for made-up titles did not come up very often since Obi-Wan spent a good amount of time trying to avoid a lot of the Jedi himself. It felt as though everybody knew what had happened on Naboo and were speaking about it. The first time he heard the words “Sith Killer”, Obi-Wan felt his heart thud painfully in his chest even as the rest of him went numb. He swiftly left the area and from then on did his best to ignore any and all conversation around him and steer clear of the other Jedi.
After a week of this, Obi-Wan received a summons from the Council. And thus had the unenviable task of convincing Anakin to stay with one of the Initiate classes for a while.
Anakin looked up at him, eyes big and pleading. “Why can’t I stay with you?”
Obi-Wan carefully did not sigh or let a trace of exasperation cross his face. It had only taken a few days for Obi-Wan to learn that Anakin was a master at reading micro-expressions and, more importantly, reading too much into them. He couldn’t so much as huff without Anakin reacting. How he would react was still unpredictable. Sometimes Anakin would get quieter and unobtrusive, other times he would get clingy. The worst was when he would get defiant and rebellious. (Sometimes, he wondered if this would be a hindrance or a boon to his future padawanship with Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan had struggled so much in reading and understanding his Master. No doubt Anakin would have better luck; it wouldn’t surprise him at all if, after a few months, they would already be a team that seemed to know each other for years.)
Fortunately, Obi-Wan had been trained by the Order’s best diplomat and had spent more time on diplomatic missions than at the Temple. Diplomatic missions that usually went wrong. Explosively. Keeping a calm and steady demeanor was something he knew how to do by the time he was fifteen and only got better at it with age.
“I suppose you don’t have to join the Initiate classes yet, if you don’t want to. However, I can’t guarantee spending the next few hours with me will be more enjoyable; I must meet with the Council.”
As expected Anakin’s face contorted in disgust at the mention of the Jedi Council. Yet another thing that Anakin and Qui-Gon had in common. Yet his hand continued to grip his robe and he didn’t move from where he was pressed against Obi-Wan’s side as he peered into the Initiate classroom.
Obi-Wan gently took hold of his hand and led him to a more secluded part of the corridor. He crouched down to properly meet Anakin’s gaze. “Why do you not want to join the other initiates, Anakin?”
Anakin ducked his head, eyes falling to where Obi-Wan still held his hand. “... What if they don’t like me?”
His heart clenched. He wished he could assure Anakin that the other children would like him just fine and he had nothing to worry about. However, he remembered quite well the last year of his own time as an initiate. It had not been particularly pleasant. And he would not lie to Anakin.
Obi-Wan squeezed his hand, waiting until Anakin looked back up at him. “It is possible. There is no guarantee that everyone you meet will like you. However, it’s entirely possible a few will . You can’t know until you try.”
Anakin scowled, though it veered dangerously into pouting territory. “Why should I? I already have you, and Padmé, and Qui-Gon, and Mom. I don’t need anyone else. Can’t you just teach me everything I need to know?”
Obi-Wan huffed a laugh. “Obviously not. There is much I don’t know, young one, experienced teachers would be better suited to such a task.” Anakin’s scowl grew to something approaching fearsome for a nine-year-old, and Obi-Wan had no idea why but he continued nonetheless. “As for the rest of it…”
He hummed thoughtfully to himself as he tried to put his thoughts in order. And he couldn’t help a spark of pride in his chest as Anakin patiently waited for him to find his words. A couple of weeks ago, he would’ve been fidgeting and on the edge of demanding an answer by this point. He really was a sweet child and learned quickly. He would make Qui-Gon proud.
“You unexpectedly met Padme and Qui-Gon on Tatooine, yes?” Anakin nodded cautiously. “And through them, you met me and got to see Naboo and Coruscant?” Anakin nodded again even slower, confusion softening his scowl into a frown. “And you got to fly a ship and start your training to become a Jedi?”
Anakin’s patience finally cracked. “Yes!” He huffed, crossing his arms. “But what does that got to do with anything?”
“It means,” Obi-Wan smiled at him, placing his hand on his shoulder, “that you would never have gotten those opportunities if you hadn’t met and befriended the two of them. Meeting them opened your world to new paths and possibilities. The other initiates could do the same again, if given the chance.”
Anakin still looked doubtful, but he was looking towards the classroom with something approaching curiosity and interest.
Obi-Wan ruffled his hair, eliciting a “hey!” from Anakin, and stood up. “And once you’re a Jedi Knight, you will have partners occasionally on missions. Better to get to know them now and learn how to get along than in the middle of a dangerous assignment.”
“I can’t just go on missions alone? Or ask for a specific person?”
“Of course you can. But we all have skills better suited to certain tasks, and as such you might end up being paired with someone that will round out your skill set for certain missions.”
“So can’t I just ask to go on missions with you? You’re good at everything!”
Obi-Wan had no idea how to respond to such a comment. His heart warmed, but also Anakin didn’t have much experience with other Jedi yet, didn’t know just how much they could do. He hadn’t spent much time with Qui-Gon yet, a real Jedi Master. So, he did what he had seen Qui-Gon do many times when he didn’t want or know how to respond. He said nothing and changed the topic.
“Shall we give the other initiates a chance, Anakin?”
Anakin chewed his bottom lip in thought. “Alright. But only for today and you have to come and get me after your meeting with the Council.”
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. “And if you enjoy your time with them? That’s a strict bargain, young one, I won’t be allowed to bring you back if you want to.”
“Fine!” Anakin rolled his eyes. “I’ll give them a chance during your time with the Council, but if I don’t like it, I don’t have to go back.” He paused. “Unless absolutely necessary.” He tacked on.
Obi-Wan nodded solemnly. “Acceptable terms. Shall we shake on it?”
Anakin tried to keep his face as solemn as Obi-Wan’s as they shook hands, but the corners of his lips kept twitching up and his eyes were too joyful.
Obi-Wan stepped into the Council room and gave a bow. “Good day, Masters.” As he straightened back up and took them in, he couldn’t help but try and see them from Anakin’s point of view. Ever since he had taken him under his wing until Qui-Gon was back to health, any mention of the Council made Anakin scrunch his face in disgust. He could almost hear the words Anakin was biting back from saying, either too polite to be so obviously rude or too distrustful of Obi-Wan himself to let his opinion be known.
So Obi-Wan tried to see them as Anakin probably saw them. A group of strangers. Stern and unfairly judgemental of things that did not really matter. People who would’ve turned him away over something as silly as being too old.
He could understand it. Having not grown up in-temple, he wouldn’t understand why the council members would be so reluctant to train him. Just the fact that he had no idea why his age and temperament caused a few issues could be considered proof enough that he might not be fit to be a Jedi.
And yet… Master Yoda was his old teacher, the one who gently counseled him when he was younger and struggling. His great-grandmaster now. Master Windu was one of Qui-Gon’s old friends, and someone Obi-Wan inherently trusted. Over time, he knew he could turn to him for help, whether it be for advice or how to wrangle Qui-Gon. All of these Masters had been a teacher, a guiding hand, a playmate, at one point or another. He wondered if one day Anakin would understand how Obi-Wan saw them as well.
“Welcome , Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Master Windu responded, the stern lines of his face softened to something more welcoming and genial. “We wanted to discuss with you some things concerning your Knighthood.”
Obi-Wan stiffened.
Yoda tapped his gimer stick. “Relax, Obi-Wan. Good news, it is.”
Windu nodded. “In light of the events on Naboo, we’re granting you Knighthood. What happened there will count as your Trials.”
Obi-Wan did not let the maelstrom that was rising inside him show on his face. He kept his polite smile and bowed again. “Thank you, Masters. You honour me.”
Yoda hummed for a moment, waiting until Obi-Wan was upright again to capture his gaze. “A long time now, you have been ready, Obi-Wan. An honour for us , it is to welcome you as a Jedi Knight.”
Warmth bloomed in Obi-Wan’s chest, and his smile rested easier on his face.
“One last issue remains - when will the ceremony take place?” Mace Windu spoke once more. His direct, almost assessing gaze, left Obi-Wan feeling a little pinned, and his fingers twitched within his sleeves, resisting the urge to squirm. “Do you wish to wait until Qui-Gon awakens?”
Obi-Wan stared past Windu, into the view of Coruscant. He didn’t know. He wanted nothing more than to wait for Qui-Gon to be present for his Knighting, had dreamed of the moment he would give his freshly shorn braid to his Master and know that Qui-Gon had thought him ready, had wanted this for him. That Qui-Gon was proud of him.
He wasn’t sure anymore if it would matter to Qui-Gon if he was there or not.
And even if he did choose to inconvenience his Master one last time before they parted ways, no one knew for sure when Qui-Gon would wake up. It could be a matter of days, just as it could be months in the future. Surely at some point, it would be troublesome to the Council to have him Temple-bound instead of out in the galaxy as a Jedi Knight.
Obi-Wan looked back at Windu. “In a month. That should be enough time to have Anakin more fully settled-in, whether Qui-Gon awakens or not. And afterwards, if he hasn’t yet…” Obi-Wan trailed off.
Windu nodded. “Alright, Kenobi,” he said, tone slightly soft, “in a month.”