Chapter Text
Chapter One
You Disappeared
It’s easier to leave isn’t it?
Esti’s charged words on that fateful night in London a little over four years ago had haunted Ronit’s every waking thought. It seemed cruel for her mind to remember every painful detail of that night - how she furiously stormed out of Dovid’s house with her heavy luggage in tow as Esti angrily slammed the front door shut.
Ronit could still feel the simmering rage with every word. How heavy it felt and how much it broke her inside. How much she regretted her last words to her. The things she said or rather… the things she left unsaid. She’d recreate that night in her head over and over as though stuck in a horrible loop with a thousand and four hundred ways that she wished she could have done differently.
Even now when she’s right in the middle of preparation for the opening night of her digital art exhibit in one of the most prominent art centre in the city - the most important night in her career, yet the memory of that night and her decision to walk away from the only human that completed her in every way, consumed her mind, body and soul.
A week ago, she was offered this massive space at the Athena Art Centre to showcase her digital art for the entire month. After a lengthy deliberation with the director of the Art Centre, she finally agreed and in a few hours, they will be opening this gallery with the most intimate and soul-baring photo series in her arsenal.
She dragged a chair a few feet away from the art installations in order to admire the progress of her exhibit from a distance. It’s been a tiring week, but the final pieces --- the most important pieces in her collection were all that’s left to be installed and so she took a small break to appreciate how the pieces of the collection compliment each other to form a coherent and deeply meaningful story.
She plopped down on the chair and reached for a pack of smokes inside her jeans pocket. As she flipped the top open, she saw that there’s only one left - the lucky cigarette, the upside down cigarette with the filter side on the bottom.
“Last one.” she murmured a little amused because not too long ago, she promised herself to quit the nasty habit altogether.
She lit the last one, took a long drag and exhaled slowly.
She looked at her hand with the cigarette pressed between her middle and index finger and scoffed.
It’s evil, she knew that and for how many times she felt compelled to quit cold turkey was the same amount of times she’d convinced herself that she needed it, for the last time.
So she inhaled another long drag with a promise that this would be the last even though she knew it was a massive lie because the truth was, she craved the fleeting satisfaction of some tangible thing to take the edge off. Something to fill the emptiness in her chest or in her lungs rather. That constant and nagging chase to fill in a void.
But deep down, she knew that no vice in the world could replace the longing in her heart. The ache that she can’t will to disappear.
The despair of loving but never having.
That yearning for her. Always her.
She closed her eyes and allowed the smoke to build up in her lungs because it was a temporary cure to alleviate the emptiness she felt inside.
The staccato click click click of heels on the marble floor interrupted her moment of calm. She opened her eyes just as the blue-eyed director of Athena Art Centre with long blonde hair hurriedly walked towards her.
“It’s really not advisable to be smoking near such flammable works of art.” Allie Novak chuckled as she eyed the smoking artist.
Ronit cracked a smile. “Or so I’ve heard.” She was about to put the cigarette out but Allie raised a hand to stop her. “Pfft. No it’s fine.” the director said cheerily. They’ve all been tapped out for the entire week and it would be simply too cruel to take away something that would manage the stress of their artist.
Allie continued her walk towards the panel boards in the middle of the exhibit space and inspected the art installations. She smirked, utterly impressed with the turn out. “Everything’s almost done. This looks amazing, Ronnie.”
“Mhm.” Ronit nodded humbly.
“Oh don’t hold back on my account!” The director joked, the lack of enthusiasm from her artist wasn’t lost in her. They both chuckled at that and Ronit tried to explain her predicament.
“This is the most personal photo series in all my work. I feel… uhm… a bit exposed. Remind me again why I’m exposing myself ever so willingly?”
“It would be a great disservice to the world if we let something so profoundly beautiful be buried in some dark ominous studio.” she hesitated then slowly made her way back. “and you know.. financial freedom?”
Ronit scoffed and then smiled. “Ah! That too.”
“Nervous?”
“Ah..uhm.. a little.. yeah, a little bit. This collection just conjures up a lot of memories, is all.”
“Good one’s, I suppose.”
Ronit sighed and took a another drag of her cigarette. “Some. Some not so much.”
“Boss? You’re two o’clock is here.” the voice of the Allie’s personal assistant, Becky, who hung back by the entry way interrupted their conversation.
“That’s your cue, boss!” Ronit stood up to dispose of her cigarette.
Allie nodded and was about to head out too when she hesitated last minute. “Wait, are you sure you’re okay?”
“It’ll be fine, Al. Go go!”
Allie hurriedly walked towards the entry way where her assistant waited on her.
Becky handed her a tablet. “Their proposal and authentication certificates are all here. I’ve gone through their documents, they seem legit.”
They both made their way back to Allie’s office. As the director scrolled through the material, she stopped mid-walk as she remembered something.
“You go right ahead. I’ll just need five minutes.” She instructed her assistant and took out her mobile phone. She typed a quick message and sent out a text.
Knock. Knock.
Esti heard two sharp raps on the door of her new office at the university. It’s been five days since she’d arrived in New York after she made a life-altering decision to move to this city and start a new life with her four year old daughter. It took awhile to navigate the divorce with Dovid and they’ve ultimately agreed that in the best interest of their beautiful young daughter that this change was needed by both her and Hannah.
“Come in.” Esti called out softly as she tucked away the last two boxes that contained some personal items to make her new office less… well… office-y.
Hannah sat quite contently on the couch as her little hands skimmed the pages of her newest storybook.
After a few shuffling, the door opened slowly and head of the department emerged from the other side.
Professor Bea Smith walked inside to checked in with the newest member of the faculty. She wore a fancy grey plaid suit under a white dress shirt while her red curly mane cascaded over her shoulders.
“Settling in okay?” she asked in that signature raspy voice. She sounded sincere and Esti felt at ease almost immediately. She’d been on edge the entire week and this was a breath of fresh air.
“I’m good, thank you Bea. Hannah is adjusting well too.”
“Is she your daughter? She looks like a little version of you, Esti.” The professor commented in a friendly tone.
“Yes, she is.” Esti walked around the table to move closer. “Come here, sweetheart. I’d like you to meet Bea.”
“Hi Hannah!” Bea smiled and waved at the little girl.
The little girl with light brown hair and hazel eyes waved back at the redhead stranger and then rushed to hide behind her mother’s leg. Esti giggled. “She’s shy around new people.”
“My daughter Debbie’s the same when she was that age.”
Just then, Bea’s phone pinged from inside her pocket.
“Oh go ahead.” Esti nodded and helped Hannah back on the couch.
Bea pulled out her phone and read the message.
“Sorry, that was my fiance reminding me about a few stuff for tonight’s opening of an art exhibit.”
“Oh congratulations! Is he an artist?”
“She’s the gallery director at the Athena Art Centre just a few blocks away from here. She’s curating an exhibit tonight.”
“Oh.” Esti smiled nervously. The realization hit her quickly. That there’s freedom here. That people like her are allowed to love freely. This made her feel hopeful for herself and for Hannah’s future.
Bea noticed the change in Esti’s demeanor but wasn’t quite sure how to react. She wished that her fiance was there. She was always more attuned with the dynamics of human interactions. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” she rasped out.
As Bea reached for the door knob a sudden thought came to her. She stopped on her tracks. “Come out tonight with us. Some faculty members will be there. It’ll be the perfect opportunity to meet a few of them. There’s food, there’s drinks.”
Esti appreciated the warm welcome but was a bit hesitant. “Thank you for the invitation, Bea but I can’t. There’s still so much to do and I can’t leave..”
“Stay for an hour. Two hours tops. You can bring Hannah. It’s a kid-friendly gallery. A bunch of folks bring their kids all the time there. Debbie will be there too, granted she’s not a kid anymore. She’s well in her teens now.”
Bea opened her purse and took out a card. “Here.” She handed the card to Esti.
“That’s my fiance’s card. The address for the art gallery is there. Opening’s at seven. In case you change your mind. Bye Hannah! Esti!”
As Esti closed the door, she read the calling card on her hand.
Allie Novak
Director
Athena Art Centre
1012 Fifth Avenue
New York