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“Woah.” Peter- well, two Peters out of the three, gasped in awe, as a circular portal sparked to life in front of them.
“I know. Cool, right?” Ned grinned confidently.
MJ Crossed her arms “Haven’t you two seen this already? I mean, this is old news, right?”
“Well yeah but-”
“I mean, Magic? Like, real magic? So cool, it’s like- it’s like a self-contained wormhole, or something. Amazing.” Peter, the tall, hipsterish boy-band looking one, interrupted his older counterpart. He walked around the portal in a circle, touching the rim of the portal with his finger, and subsequently pulling it back, apparently getting shocked.
“Yeah. What he said.” The other one, all dad-ish with the kind eyes, nodded.
It was weird, seeing her boyfriend from the future, so-to-speak, MJ thought. She knew, of course, that they weren’t technically him, but well, they were the same person, weird spider powers and all.
The oldest one, who MJ could only really see as a dad-like figure, looked tired, patient, and spoke softly, like he’d seen some shit and come to terms with it. Boy-band Peter was the exact opposite, constantly moving, talking, like he’d also seen some shit, and was coping very badly with it.
And then, there was her Peter. He was like… a mix of the two. Trying really hard to come to terms with the shit he’d seen, and having absolutely no clue how to cope. MJ couldn’t help but want to ask them a million questions, all of which they didn’t really have time for.
“And you’re sure this is safe?” Dad-peter asked.
“Uh- yeah. Yeah, I’m, uh, totally sure.” Ned nodded.
Dad-peter raised an eyebrow, “Sounds like you’re not sure.”
“He’s sure. It’s fine. I’ve done this like, a million times.” Original-peter nodded confidently.
Boy-band-peter sniffed “I’ve done stupider things. Besides, it was fine last time.” He punctuated this with a seemingly carefree shrug.
Kid-peter huffed, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Alright, message sent.”
In the back of his mind, the oldest Peter was filled with worry. Both of his other counterparts looked… so young. Of course, he’d only been eighteen when he started, fresh out of high-school, but the hipster version of him was only in his twenties, and the young one, who had probably been through more hardship than either of them, was still in high school, and couldn’t have been older than seventeen. Had he been that reckless when he was younger? He already knew the answer to that, yes, of course he’d been reckless. But the youngest peter seemed to be taking on far too much, it was like he thought the weight of the universe was perpetually on his shoulders, although, from what he’d heard, it sort’ve was.
Peter supposed the other two were right in thinking of him as a dad, somewhat. He really wanted to find whoever had forced all of these things which were completely unreasonable onto a literal child, and give them a serious talking to. Of course, with great power, comes great responsibility. He knew that, of course he did, but it was like someone had asked an ant to lift a skyscraper. He really wanted to ask his younger self who exactly did this to him but, well, he couldn’t exactly confront kid-peter, he knew himself that much.
“Man, if we get a chance after this I’d love to take a look at that thing. You said that thing is your phone?” Dad-peter gestured to peter’s pocket.
“Yeah. You guys don’t have smartphones in your universe?”
Boy-band-peter scoffed “Well, yeah, but nothing this advanced.”
Dad-peter gained a look of mild shock “I’m sorry, you have these things too?”
“I mean no, not personally. Those things are like, super expensive.” boy-band-peter shook his head.
“Ah.” Dad-peter nodded wisely.
Boy-band-peter looked up at the construction above them. “So what’s with the shield on the statue of liberty?”
“Yeah, I was kinda wondering about that.” The oldest Peter nodded.
“Is it like… a national defense thing?”
“Oh, no, it’s because of Cap, uh, y’know, Captain America.” Peter shrugged, “I caught his shield once.”
“The cartoon?” Dad-peter raised his eyebrows.
Middle-peter copied the expression, “Like the propagandist comic books?”
“No, like the real guy, y’know? Steve Rogers, The WWII legend? Did you guys not have those PSAs?”
“Uh, Captain America is a fictional character. I mean, there was a comic, in the forties-”
“Well he fought in WWII, so-”
“And basically every other time America was at war after that but uh… No real guy. Not that I know of, at least.” Boy-band-peter shrugged. “Never liked ‘em myself, it’s just making excuses, y’know?”
“I loved the old cartoon when it showed up on PBS when I was a kid.” Dad-peter smiled, a bit wistful. “Always wanted to be his sidekick, that little Bucky guy.”
“Little?”
“Yeah, the little guy who follows Captain America around.”
Kid-peter snorted. “That’s- that’s- Dude, you have no idea how funny that is.”
“What, is he like, a sexy heartthrob assassin with a dark past but a good heart?” Boy-band-peter asked.
“Uh, yeah, actually.” The youngest Peter stared at the other two, bewildered. “That’s… so weird. Did you guys at least have an Iron man?”
Two heads shook no in response.
“Black Widow?”
Again, two resounding Nos.
“Uh, The Hulk, you know, Bruce Banner?”
“I knew a guy named Bruce Banner, he graduated in my class, I think.” Dad-peter shrugged. “Not exactly what you’d call hulking, though.”
“Woah, weird.”
“Dude, I hope you realize that your life sounds like a comic book.” Boy-band-peter giggled.
“I mean, I guess.” Kid-peter shrugged. “By the way, we should really come up with something to call each other in battle, codenames, y’know? I’ve just been calling you two Smiley and Fluffy. Maybe we could use a number system?”
Boy-band-peter looked between them both “Wait. Which is which?”
“You’re obviously Fluffy, Doctor Who.” Dad-peter elbowed Boy-band-peter.
“What’s Doctor Who about my hair? Isn’t his like, all curly?”
“No, it’s like-” Dad-peter made to tousle his hair, which only went back to flat two seconds later “You know, like yours.”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about, dude.”
“Doctor-what-now?” Kid-peter asked.
The older two stared at him for a moment, mouths agape, before simultaneously deciding to ignore that blasphemy.
“You’ll learn when you’re older.” Boy-band-peter patted kid-peter’s shoulder, “I hope.”
“Anyways” Dad-peter coughed “Back to why there’s a cartoon character’s weapon on the statue of liberty. ”
“Oh, right uh, he died saving the universe a year ago, it was a whole thing, I was there. It’s kinda weird, ‘cus for a long bit before that he was an international fugitive, I even fought him once, but-”
Dad-peter did a hard blink, “Wait, wait, hold on. He only died a year ago? I’d like to think I’m pretty good at math, y’know, but wouldn’t that have made him like… Over 100?”
“Oh yeah, he was cryogenically frozen in ice for half a century.”
“Cryogenics are feasible?” Boy-band-peter’s eyes widened.
“I mean, if you’ve got super-soldier-serum in your bloodstream.” Kid-peter shrugged.
“This place never ceases to amaze me, it’s like the future, or something.” Hipster-peter grinned.
Peter was continually awestruck by the vastness of this universe. There were wizards, real-life legends, and alien invasions. It somehow made him feel a lot smaller and a lot bigger at the same time. Back in his universe, it was just him, the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-man, fighting corrupt buisnessmen and wannabe terrorists. Apparently the spider-man here worked with super-secret global agencies, and was given an army of drones by his dead mentor.
Really, it just put everything in perspective for Peter. Why should he (still) let himself sit around and wallow over something he couldn’t control that happened years ago? Why did that matter when this literal kid was engaging in international espionage? Not to mention all the tech, there was so much to learn from here (as long as the laws of physics still applied the same way in his universe, he still wasn’t quite sure about that one), nano-bots and cheap smartphones and realistic holograms. He could spend a lifetime learning about it all, and probably still not know everything he wanted to.
Plus, most of all, it was so nice to have someone who understood. Not just empathetic like Aunt May, or kind and smart and perfect like Gwen, god, Gwen , or an absolute genius like his dad, who he’d recently reconnected with, but people who knew exactly how hard it was to be him. It was like group-therapy, or maybe even family. He kind’ve liked that, actually. Family, yeah.
“You alright there, Peter?” Dad-peter asked.
It was at this point that Hipster-peter realized he’d been spacing out, looking stupid with his signiture dumb grin on his face.
“Oh, yeah, just thinking, y’know?”
The older Peter chuckled, “Yeah.”
“Oh! I know what our codenames should be!” Hipster-peter smiled.
“Yeah?” Kid-peter nodded eagerly “You” He pointed to the oldest one “Can be David,” to the younger one “He’ll be Tommy, and I’ll be.. uh.. Garfield.”
Younger-peter frowned “Why am I Tommy?”
“Yeah, and why am I David? How does that make any sense? And why Garfield?”
Boy-band-peter deflated “y’know, because…” He huffed, “Ok, fine, you got any better ideas?”
“I was thinking simple, easy.” Kid-peter shrugged “I’ll be Peter-one, You’ll be Peter-two, and He’s peter-three.”
“Wait, what?” Dad-peter asked “Am I two, or three?”
“You’re three, because you’re the oldest.”
“Okay, ouch.” Dad-peter’s face formed an exaggerated frown.
“No, I just meant-”
“I’m joking. Joking.” The oldest Peter laughed.
“Hey, you guys know that thing that’s like, Is sex with a clone of you incest or masturbation?” Boy-band-peter asked, seemingly out of nowhere.
Both of the other Peters sputtered, completely lost for words.
“What?” Boy-band-peter laughed “I didn’t want to do research or anything, I was just, y’know, reminded of it.”
“How?” Dad-peter asked, completely befuddled.
“I dunno, it's my boyfriend's like, favorite question.”
"I thought you said you didn't have anybody." Kid-peter teased.
"I mean, He's not really- uh.." Boy-band-peter's face began to heat up, "it's more like a friend that you sometimes have sex with, and also really want to spend the rest of your life with, ya know?"
The other two spoke simultaneously "No."
"I've never even called him that before, actually, so I don't know why I did just now. I don't even know what his face looks like. And don't ask how I don't know, it's like, a whole thing."
Dad-peter giggled "And I thought I was awkward around people I liked."
Once the cures were all set up, they met back up on some of the scaffolding. The wind cut straight through them, cold wintry sea air blowing through their thin suits.
Kid-peter shifted from foot-to-foot, looking past the other two to the unsettlingly clear sky. “Think I’m gonna find a better vantage point. Keep a lookout.”
Hipsterish-peter nodded “Yeah, good plan.”
There was a beat of awkward silence, as kid-peter climbed, which boy-band-peter obviously couldn’t stand.
Boy-band-peter squinted at Dad-peter. “Hey, has anyone ever told you you look like that guy from Pleasantville?”
“What’s that?” Dad-peter asked.
Boy-band-peter spluttered “What's pl- are you joking? It’s only the greatest cinematic masterpiece of our generation!”
“That doesn’t exactly help.” Dad-peter shrugged.
“Okay, uh, well it’s… hm…” boy-band-peter scratched the base of his skull in thought “You know, it’s actually weirdly similar to this whole, uh, situation.”
“... Why would someone watch a movie about three versions of the same guy? Sounds confusing.” the older Peter scrunched up his face.
“Oh, no, not like that, it’s like… This guy gets sucked into a different dimension, and by the time he leaves he’s become a better person along with everyone he met. Also there’s some really good special effects.”
Dad-peter squinted, “Hm. I… guess that makes sense? Still doesn’t sound interesting though.”
“Special effects…” kid-peter half-gasped from above, continuing to climb.
“I don’t get how we’re supposed to be the same person.” Boy-band-peter frowned, mock serious.
Dad-peter smiled awkwardly, gesturing to the attire of the both of them.
“Oh. Right.”
A thud sounded above the two older Peters, as the youngest of them had just suddenly passed out.
Well, it hadn’t been that sudden, Peter knew he needed a deep breath, but he really just needed a minute away from the other two. He’d been wearing his binder for something like three or four days straight, and despite the best efforts of his healing factor, it was starting to affect him. Add on-top of that the added stress of what was going on, and the exertion of climbing up the scaffolding, not to mention sleep-deprivation and really, it was no surprise that he passed out.
Both of the other Peters rushed to see what was up, and after checking to make sure it wasn’t a nefarious act, they turned their collective attention to the youngest of them, who was quickly gaining consciousness again.
“Ugh..” He put a hand over his eyes, everything suddenly too bright even in the darkness.
“You ok, lil’ Pete?” Boy-band-peter asked, a look of concern across his face.
“I’m… I’m fine I just… Slipped.” Kid-peter blinked rapidly.
“Bullshit.” Dad-peter frowned, completely serious. “You can’t lie to us, we’re you. What happened?”
“Wow.” Kid-peter looked up at the other two, “You guys really care about me, huh?”
“Duh.” Boy-band-peter squinted. “I think I know what this is. You really should know better, dude, although I get it, I mean, I am you. No surgery yet, right?”
“I-” kid-peter stuttered, starting to lie, before he remembered that he was talking to himself . “Yeah, I just- haven’t really had time, you know?”
“Wait- what are- Oh. Duh.” Dad-peter slapped a hand over his face “Binder. Sorry, it’s kinda easy to forget at this point.”
As young-peter sat up, his mouth spread into a slightly-loopy grin. “Huh. I didn’t know you could get to a place where you could forget something like that.”
Dad-peter shrugged, “I Dunno, it’s not really the first thing on my mind at all times.”
There was a minute of silence, before they all spoke at once.
“The injections suck, huh?”
“God, I feel so stupid.”
“Woah. Three trans Spider-men.”
And suddenly kid-peter was laughing, and then the other two were too, and after what felt like a mini-eternity but couldn't have been more than a few minutes, they were all leaning on each other, laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Dad-peter coughed, speaking up “But seriously. Take a minute, do some breathing, some stretches. It helps. I can show you some, if you’d like.” He began to show him, first by stretching his arm across his chest.
“No I- I know some, I’ll be fine.”
“Dude, If you pass out during the fight, I’m gonna start drawing on your face.” Boy-band-peter half-teased, going in and tickling him. Man, it really was like they were brothers, huh?
Kid-peter giggled, pushing the other two away from him, “Alright, alright, I get it. No self-deprecation.”
“Yeah. Or else you’re gonna be getting some serious self-hate.” The oldest Peter lightly punched the youngest on the shoulder.
“Thanks, guys.”
“No problem. What are alternate versions of yourself for?”