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"Please, make yourself at home," Yamada-sensei had said. The man was softer when he was out of costume. Warmer in a way that Izuku has to fight not to lean into. But he couldn't. He couldn't let himself get comfortable here. There was no point, not when he would have to leave so soon.
His mother would never be convicted. She wouldn't even lose parental rights. All she would have to do would be to tell the judge that Izuku used to be quirkless, and she would be pardoned. And why shouldn't she be? Was what she did really so bad? Izuku didn't think so, not when he had to look Todoroki in the eyes and tell him the news while knowing that at the end of that same day- of every day- Todoroki would have to go home to the same hell that scarred him so many years ago.
But even if, by some curse or blessing, his mom did lose parental rights, Izuku already knew that he would be passed on to a different home. While Yamada-sensei's kind words of acceptance and sympathy rang true, and Eri-chan was obviously excited to have him around, he could easily tell that Aizawa-sensei was only tolerating him.
And Shinsou-kun…
"What the hell are you doing?"
When Aizawa-sensei and Yamada-sensei were leading him to their house, they tried to let him know what living there would be like. He didn't even know they were married, but he was far too melancholy to be excited. He did know that Aizawa-sensei was looking after Eri-chan, and he was briefly comforted by the thought of spending time with her. But then they told him that they'd recently adopted Shinsou-kun. Apparently, Aizawa-sensei was "Tou-san" and Yamada-sensei, being the English teacher, was “Dad”.
It was a cute system, and Izuku liked Shinsou-kun, he really did, but the opposite couldn't be said. The other boy had always had something against Izuku, and only seemed to grow angrier with time. For the last week, Izuku would even say that Hitoshi was going out of his way to let Izuku know exactly how much Hitoshi hated him. Izuku had already started plotting how to best avoid him when they dropped their next bomb on him.
He would be sharing a room with Shinsou-kun.
"Hey! Are you really ignoring me?"
When he got to the house, Eri-chan was waiting for him in the living room with a small, black rabbit in her arms. "His name is Dekiru-chan! Uravity-san helped me come up with it!" He blinked and found himself lying on the floor with Dekiru-chan settled on his chest. Unsure of what happened, he dragged his eyes to the side and saw Eri-chan sitting beside him, doing… something. Izuku forgot what he was looking at and stared somewhere past her.
He wasn't aware of anything around him for a while after that. He didn't know how long. He didn't care.
"Oh, so you're finally showing your true colors? Not talking or reacting so the villain can't get you? It's that it?”
Eventually, something jostled Izuku's side, and he somehow convinced himself to turn his head again to figure out what the disturbance was. He didn't have to turn far to see Shinsou-kun looming above him. "I'm supposed to set you up in my room. Dad wants you lying on my bed, not the floor." Izuku got up and followed Shinsou-kun wordlessly.
The next time he blinked, it was dark and he was on a bed. He knew it was Shinsou-kun's bed. He didn't belong in Shinsou-kun's bed. He had to get up.
He didn't.
He had to get up .
He couldn't.
He had to GET UP!
He walked over to the desk chair and collapsed there instead. He didn't know how he did it. He would be proud, if it wasn't so pathetic that he struggled so much in the first place.
"This is- honestly, I can't believe- you're in my room, my home, my desk. And this is how you're gonna be?"
He was just sitting there. Why was he just sitting there? His hands weren't doing anything, just laying on this lap. They felt heavy, too heavy. He knew they weren't. They weren't. Suddenly, his hands weren't on this lap anymore, they were in his hair. Tussling it, pulling it slightly. Just enough to feel it. It felt nice. Izuku hated it. He wanted his hands to do something else. There was a pen on the desk. He could write. He liked writing, writing was good. There were notebooks, but they were Shinsou-kun's notebooks. Izuku couldn't touch them. He needed paper. He could use his arm.
"It's bad enough that you're here at all. You should have gone with All Might or something, since he's so obsessed with you."
The pen was a nice one with a stiff felt tip. It scratched a little, but it wasn't sharp at all. How disappointing. He wrote. He wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and when he ran out of room, he wrote over what was already there. He didn't like it. He didn't want to cover up his words. But he had more to write.
"Maybe that wasn't good enough for you. You already have All Might wrapped around your finger, it wouldn't hurt any to try and expand your collection . The symbol of peace, a top underground hero, and an expert at hero personas. You're building your arsenal. Not a bad move. If only you could pull it off."
He heard Shinsou-kun's voice. He heard the words. He nearly processed them. Nearly. But not quite. A question about what he was doing. Izuku probably looked psychotic, to be fair. Maybe he was. Then annoyance, because Izuku didn't answer. It wasn't on purpose. He just couldn't. Then anger. The same kind of words Shinsou-kun said at the sports festival. Shinsou-kun was wrong. So wrong.
Izuku kept writing.
"It's not enough to be the golden boy. You have to be on top. You have to have every advantage. All of you perfect hero brats are like this, and people keep falling for it."
Izuku kept writing. He was on his fourth layer of words, and his arm was nearly black. He wanted to keep going until there was no skin visible at all.
"Well get this, Golden Boy: I won't let you."
Izuku kept writing. He had to keep writing. He didn't, but he did.
"You can't have my dads, you can't have my sister, you certainly can't have me. Not my room, or my bed, or my desk. When you're here, you have nothing."
Izuku toppled out of the chair. When he looked behind him to see what happened, he saw Shinsou-kun with a lethal glare, hands still out from having pushed him. Izuku put his head back down and kept writing. Was it even writing at this point? He couldn't see the words, so maybe not
Shinsou-kun scoffed before sitting in the chair and shuffling some things around.
"Glad you understand, Golden Boy."
Izuku understood.
"Oh, and one more thing," Shinsou-kun snatched Izuku's wrist, finally halting his scribbling. Izuku met the other boy's eyes from where he towered above Izuku. They were dark. "Leave my little sister alone. She thinks she loves you, but she doesn't. It's just the trauma. She's gotten so much happier and stronger here, and I won't let you ruin it. I don't know what you want from her, and I don't care . I won't let you hurt her. So don't bother her, and don't bother the rest of us. She needs us. Don't rob her of our time. Actually, just stay in this room. Don't make noise, and don't leave unless one of my dads makes you. Just… pretend you're not here until they kick you out. Got it?"
Izuku got it.
Shinsou-kun snarled at him before throwing Izuku's hand back towards his body.
"Great, now get back to being a psychopath, or whatever."
Izuku didn't feel like it. He was tired. So, instead, he learned back against the wall, closed his eyes, and let go.
When he woke up, it was dark and he was sore, but his head was a little more clear. He took a cautious look around, and quickly spotted Shinsou-kun asleep in his bed. He wore a sleep mask and headphones. The message was clear: Do Not Disturb.
That’s fine. Izuku really wasn’t planning to.
No, he had other plans.
It was one thing when he was just living there, being a minor inconvenience. He didn’t like it, but he could live with that. But, even if Shinsou-kun was wrong about Izuku's motives, he still made Izuku wonder if he wasn’t going to be a bigger problem than Aizawa-sensei and Yamada-sensei let on.
Who was Izuku kidding? The answer was right in front of his face. “Problem Child.”
Izuku wasn’t sure if Aizawa-sensei had called him that recently, but it didn’t really matter. In Izuku’s emotionally compromised state, he knew he’d be even more of a problem than he normally was. Just because Aizawa-sensei and Yamada-sensei were playing nice didn’t mean that they wanted him there, or that they even thought he was tolerable. They were just doing their jobs.
How responsible.
Admirable.
Pitiable. Izuku should take the pressure off of them.
After all, Izuku had already accepted that this placement would be temporary. Why not cut it a little shorter? It wasn’t like it was a big deal or anything.
And he couldn’t hurt Eri-chan. Eri-chan was happy to have him there, but what did she know, really? Shinsou-kun was right. It was just a trauma thing, and she would be better off with her family than with him. He would just take up their time and, consequently, deprive her of it. He couldn’t do that. He had to go.
In the morning, the only trace of him in the house was a single sticky note.
Eri woke up to a loud yell. That happened sometimes, because Dad really liked to yell. He usually didn’t do it so early, though! Eri let out a little annoyed huff and tried to go back to sleep.
But she couldn’t, because people were running around in the hallways. Eri wasn’t allowed to do that, so how come they were? And she was still so tired! But the ruckus (Otou-san taught her that word. It meant noise, and Deku and Nii-san’s class supposedly made a lot of it.) didn’t stop, so she rolled out of bed, tucked her really cool rainbow blanket back around the bed like she was supposed to, and wandered out to see what all the noise was for.
When she got to the end of the hallway, Otou-san nearly tripped over her! That was why they weren’t supposed to run in the house! She almost even said so, but then she took in the strange way Otou-san looked.
“Shi- sorry, Eri,” he said quickly. Then he walked down the hall, but really fast. Like when Eri gets dressed and is ready to go see her heroes, so she walks to the door as quickly as possible. Her parents didn’t really like that, either.
But he looked… not good. He had his work jumpsuit on, but it was holded over at his waist so it was just pants. On top, he still wore his favorite pajamas (the really soft ones with little kittens and yarn balls on it). That seemed odd. His hair was in a bun, but a really bad one, with hair poking out all over. And why was he in such a hurry?
“Um…” she tried to ask, but he was already back in his room. Maybe he remembered his pajamas and went to go take them off? Eri didn’t think it’d be very comfortable to wear two sets of clothes.
“Eri!”
She turned around and saw Dad. Maybe he knew why Otou-san was acting weird? She walked up to him to ask, but before she could, Dad was already asking her a question.
“Eri, sunshine, have you seen Midoriya? Did he talk to you last night?”
Deku?
“Nuh-uh, not after he went into Nii-san’s room. Nii-san talked to him, though. He was being very mean…”
“How was he being mean, Eri?
She tried to tell him what she heard, but she was interrupted again, this time by Otou-san. Everyone was being very rude today.
“I’m going to wake up Hitoshi. Mic, call Izuku’s friends and see if they know anything.”
Mic?
Otou-san turned to go to Nii-san’s room really quickly.
Otou-san only called Dad “Mic” when they were at U.A. Was Otou-san okay?
After one quick look at Dad, she followed Otou-san to make sure he wasn’t upset or something.
She stood in the doorway to Nii-san’s room because she didn’t want to go in unless Nii-san said it was okay, but that was close enough, really. Otou-san was sitting on the side of Nii-san’s bed, and Nii-san was making a grumbling noise (grumbling is the sound a tummy makes when it’s hungry, but Dad said it was also a sound people sometimes made when they were annoyed, which confused Eri at first.), and he swatted his eye mask and headphones off.
As soon as Nii-san sat up, Otou-san asked a question about Deku, too.
“When’s the last time you saw Midoriya?”
Nii-san’s face went all scrunched up, and he looked at his phone to see the time. Then his face was even more weird.
“Before I went to bed.”
“Did you notice anything odd?”
“Um, no?” Hitoshi leaned back. “Why?”
“Because he’s gone, and he left this note on the front door.”
Gone? Deku was gone? Gone where?
Otou-san handed Nii-san a bright pink sticky-note, but when Hitoshi read it, he just rolled his eyes and gave it back. Nii-san wasn’t supposed to roll his eyes, but Otou-san didn’t even say anything about it. Something was very wrong. Maybe Deku wasn’t supposed to leave, and now everyone’s worried?
“Did anything happen?” Otou-san asked next.
“No,” Nii-san said, but that wasn’t true!
“Nii-san is lying!” Eri snitched. But she had to! If Deku was gone, and Otou-san was asking questions about him, that meant Otou-san was definitely looking for him! That meant Nii-san had to tell the truth! “He was all mean to Deku yesterday!”
“Really?” Otou-san asked, and his voice wasn’t gentle or nice. It scared Eri a little, but she could be brave for Deku. She had to! “How so?”
“He said that Deku was just trying to use you and Dad by being here instead of with All Might and that he was a brat and pushed him out of the chair onto the floor and said that I don’t really love him and that you and Dad were gonna kick him out and then Nii-san called Deku a psychopath!” Eri rushed out in one breath. Best to get it out quickly. Oh! That’s why Otou-san was walking so fast!
“Hitoshi,” Otou-san looked away from her, “is all of that true?”
“Yeah, but he’s dangerous, Otou-san!”
Dangerous?! How could he be dangerous! He was so kind, and he’s a hero! The strongest hero she’s ever seen!
“Explain. Tell me what happened in your own words.”
“He’s trying to use you!” Nii-san said, and his voice was very hard. “His mom has no reason to be abusive, and even if she was, he could have just gone with All Might! He didn’t have to come here. He just wants to take advantage of the situation and get even more heroes wrapped around his fu- um, messed-up fingers. So after I came back to my room and saw him awake and sitting at my desk, I just wanted to talk to him! But he wouldn’t respond! He was acting just like everyone else, staying silent because he was scared of my quirk-”
“No! He-” Eri interrupted. She wasn’t supposed to interrupt, but that was wrong! Deku wasn’t ignoring anyone, he was just Away! It wasn’t his fault!
“Eri, give Hitoshi a chance to explain,” Otou-san said sternly. Eri looked down with a pout, but not before she saw Nii-san give her a mean-but-not-mean look, the kind he used when he won an argument. It made Eri really annoyed.
“He just… he wouldn’t respond,” Nii-san kept explaining, but his voice wasn’t so hard, now. It was more normal. “So I got angry. I told him that I was onto him, that I knew he was going to use you. And I told him that I wouldn’t let him. He kept ignoring me, just scribbling on his arm like a maniac.” (Eri didn’t know what that meant, but she could guess.) “But I-” Nii-san’s voice got quieter- “I pushed him out of the desk chair, and he didn’t get up or retaliate-” (Eri didn’t know what that meant at all)- “so I assumed he understood. But even then, I had to say one more thing. Because- because I don’t know what he wants with Eri. I don’t want him to hurt her, so I told him to stay away, to just stay in my room until it’s time for him to leave, and reminded him that her affection-” (that was like love, right?)- “for him is just because of trauma, not because of any real relationship. And then I left him alone for the rest of the night.I just know he has bad intentions-” (Eri wished Hitoshi would use less big words)- “with all of you, so I did what any good older brother would do.”
Eri frowned. She didn’t like that. She didn’t want Nii-san to be mean.
“And what did Midoriya do after that?” Otou-san asked with patience that seemed somehow not right to Eri. Like a trap, but Otou-san wouldn’t do that.
“I don’t know. I don’t think he moved from that spot on the floor.”
“Okay,” Otou-san said, then took a big breath. “Okay. Thank you for being honest.” Then, he got up and started to leave.
“Otou-san? What- where are you going?” Nii-san almost fell out of bed to follow their father.
“To see if Hizashi found anything from contacting Midoriya's friends. Whether you trust him or not- and we will be talking about the things you said to him later- we are his legal guardians and we have to bring him back here.”
“Wha- but- it’s better if he’s gone!”
What?!
“ Hitoshi,” Otou-san snapped. Otou-san never snapped, not like that. “ Sit down. We will discuss it later, once I'm certain that my problem child is safe."
Nii-san made the scrunchiest face yet, a really angry one, but Otou-san and Eri were really mad, too. He sat down.
Otou-san left the moment Nii-san was down, but Eri didn't. She stayed and tried to give Nii-san her best I’m-mad-at-you face.
"You're a butthole," she accused.
"Eri, look, I'm just looking out for you-"
"No!" She argued. She didn’t need protection from Deku, so- "You're just being mean!"
"I'm not,” he said with a very solid voice. “Midoriya isn't who you think he is."
"No, he's not who you think he is!"
"You don't understand because he saved you, but he's dangerous, Eri."
"He's not! He's hurt!"
"He can't be. He's perfect!"
"What do you mean 'he's perfect'?!" And why was that bad?
"His quirk, Eri!” Hitoshi bit out as he stood up and walked to her. Nii-san was very tall, and Eri was very not. “Think about it! Everything bad that's ever happened to us happened because of our quirks, right? But he has a heroic quirk that everyone loves, so he hasn't had to deal with anything like we have!"
Well that didn’t make much sense. What do quirks have to do with being mean?
"So?!" she asked loudly, to show her anger.
"What do you mean, 'so?!'"
"I mean 'so?!' Bad things can happen to anyone! Otou-san said! And he has all those scars, like me! And he's brave, but he's scared, and he-"
"That's different!" Nii-san yelled.
Eri didn’t feel so brave anymore. That was a bad yell. That was a yell that made Eri want to be quiet and escape. She spun around and ran back to her room, shutting the door quickly but quietly and running to get under her blanket.
She wanted to be quiet, but she started crying by mistake. She put her hand over her mouth. She was scared it wouldn’t help very much, though.
“Eri?” Nii-san called after a minute. He didn’t sound angry anymore, but sometimes, angry people would pretend to make her trust them. But only the bad people did that, and Nii-san wasn’t a bad person. Still, she hid.
“I’m sorry for yelling, Eri. I’m gonna wait in my room until we both calm down, and then we can talk about it.”
Angry people didn’t usually do that. Nii-san was really special. But Eri was still scared, so she still stayed under her blanket. Otou-san said it was okay to be scared, even if she wasn’t in danger.
She hoped Deku would come home soon. His hugs always made her feel better.
“Izuku didn’t say anything, but his friends gave me a list of places to check,” Hizashi reported.
This sucked. This really, really sucked. Sunday mornings were for sleepy cuddles with his wonderful husband and a big family breakfast, and Hizashi was so excited for this one! He had a new little one to impress with his culinary skills, after all. He wanted to welcome Midoriya, give him kindness and make him feel safe. Wanted.
But now, he was gone, just leaving a tiny note that said “Thank you very much for your hospitality! I think it would be best for me to stay somewhere else until they release Mom. But really, thank you :)”.
Poor kid.
“Let me see,” Shouta said, leaning over his shoulder. Despite the fact that Shouta used Hizashi’s hero name, Hizashi still felt a comforting hand slipping around his waist in a half-hug while Shouta read.
“Most of these are either around his old place or U.A. I’ll get the ones near his house, you get U.A, and then we’ll hit the outliers.”
“You got it, Eraser!” Hizashi said, pumping his usual hero cheer into his voice. But Shouta could obviously tell how hollow it was.
“...Let’s walk to the train station together, just so that I can update you with what I learned from Hitoshi.”
“Just for that, yeah!” Hizashi teased gently. Shouta just rolled his eyes. And he wondered where Hitoshi got it from.
After grabbing the last bits of his costume- this speaker and his jacket- they started their trek.
Hizashi was not impressed with what Shouta told him. He couldn’t believe Hitoshi would act like that. He knew that Hitoshi had a few issues with people with strong quirks and that he was sometimes so defensive that he turned offensive, and yeah, he also knew that Hitoshi was annoyed by Izuku in particular. But still, Hizashi thought Hitoshi had better self-control than that. That he was better than the things he did.
No, that was too harsh. This was hard for Hitoshi, too. A new person in the house, sharing his room, sharing his home and his family. Hizashi understood why Hitoshi would lash out. But still…
They would have to have a talk about that, later. First, they needed to get Izuku back.
But he wasn’t at the corner store where Uraraka said they liked to buy the cheapest snacks- a good place to go when on the run. The cashier said he hadn’t seen Izuku, and he’d been there since midnight.
He wasn’t anywhere near the pond where he and Todoroki would sometimes go to hide out, either. There was good coverage. It was a serene, hidden place, but one not too far from any food sources; it was a place where someone could easily hide out for a while.
Iida had suggested a running trail they would occasionally go to. It wound up a mountain, and there were a couple cabins along the way. With Izuku’s quirk, he could get to one quickly. With Hizashi’s motorcycle license and a rented dirt bike, he could get there quicker. They were all undisturbed.
God damnit, where did the kid go? Why did the kid go? Hitoshi was cruel to him, but Hizashi didn’t think Izuku was a flight risk. He was too… reasonable. Too well-behaved in class. Too gentle. Too dissociated, at least last night.
Hizashi should have considered Izuku’s anxiety. His abuse. His borderline fearful obedience towards teachers. His general tendency to value other people’s comfort over his own well-being.
Hizashi didn’t even know the kid that well, and it was so obvious! How did Izuku get through a year at U.A. without anyone noticing? Oh, if Hizashi was beating himself up over not noticing, Shouta must be in really bad shape. That man loved his problem child to bits, no matter what he said. He once confided in Hizashi that he seriously thought about attacking the child with bubble wrap after he fell down the stairs for the too-many-th time. Now the little guy was missing.
Hizashi would have to plan something extra relaxing after this.
By the time six or so hours passed, they’d hit nearly all the locations listed and were soon to move on to a more general search, with more people involved. Shouta would get started on that, though. They’d left their house in a tumultuous state, so Hizashi had to go make sure the other kids were alright .
When he arrived, his darling son was sitting on the floor outside his sister’s room, pouting. Hizashi connected the dots quickly.
“Toshi,” he called, “leave her be.”
Hitoshi jolted and regarded Hizashi for a few seconds, before turning back to stare blindly at the wall across from him.
“She’s upset,” Hitoshi argued.
“She is. And she has every right to feel that way.” The tall man all but collapsed on himself to sit by Hitoshi. He sensed this was going to take some time to handle.
“But she’s upset with me,” Hitoshi emphasized. His distress leaked through his generally stoic features.
“Yes. You yelled at her and told her hero that he was a bad person who doesn’t deserve help or a family.”
“That’s not what I said!” Hitoshi immediately defended himself.
“Maybe not, but that’s what she heard. And… it’s kinda what Shou and I heard, too. I guess we’re all having a little trouble understanding what’s going on in your head and why you said the things you did,” Hizashi explained as gently as he could. He didn’t want to accuse anyone, not right now. It wouldn’t help any.
“Because-” Hitoshi cut himself off with a sigh and ran a hand down his face. “Where’s Otou-san?”
“Out looking for Midoriya, still. His friends don’t know where he is, but they told us some places he likes to go and things he does to de-stress, so Shou’s following some more of those leads.”
Hitoshi scoffed.
“Hey, don’t be like that,” Hizashi scolded. “Why’re you so against Midoriya, anyway?”
He knew it stemmed from Izuku’s quirk. It was about discrimination, percieved slights, jealousy, and spite. But he wanted to hear how Hitoshi thought of it, and how it had changed from it’s roots.
“I don’t understand what you and Otou-san don’t get. You should be able to see past his act,” Hitoshi dodged the question. A part of Hizashi wanted to coo over how clever his son was, but he was a little too pissed at him at the moment.
Instead, Hizashi sighed. “I won't say he doesn’t have an act, because that would be a lie. But it’s not the one you think it is. And… you’re right. We should have noticed sooner. It’s just hard, y’know? Here comes this bright, cheerful kid who just wants to make friends and save people. Sure, he doesn’t know how to use his quirk, but that’s just overconfidence, right? Same thing with him jumping into fights he’s not ready for. Just a little arrogance. Nothing that can’t be trained out of him. Nevermind that he’s never displayed arrogance to that level in any other circumstance, ever.
“And yeah, maybe he’s a little anxious the rest of the time. A little jumpy. Flinches at sudden moves and shies away from raised voices. But some kids are just like that, and he bounces back so quickly. Surely, nothing could be wrong? Not when he’s so bubbly, not when he’s so powerful. Bad things don’t happen to bubbly, powerful people. So he’s a little anxious. It’s fine; that can be trained, too.
“He also cries a lot. Not when significantly bad things happen, no. Just when people are nice to him, or when something small happens and he just sort of… breaks down. Weird, right? What a quirky little dude. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. Some people are just emotional. It’s not a problem for hero work, so, as his teachers, it’s not really a problem for us. He’ll probably grow out of it anyway. Best to just ignore it.
“I just… wished we’d put it together sooner. Hitoshi, what do you make of a teenager who can’t use his quirk without hurting himself, jumps in the way of any and all danger without a second thought, never looks anyone in the eyes, stutters, insists on walking behind others, flinches at quick movements and yelling, cries when people are kind, and breaks down frequently over seemingly small issues, but not big ones?”
“You’re wrong,” Hitoshi bit out with a scowl. “People like him don’t deal with problems like that.”
Oh, Hitohsi. No. If only it were that simple. Hitoshi must know it’s not. So why was he holding on to this?
“Really? What if they’re trans?” Hizashi asked.
“Wait, he’s-?”
“Or what if they’re not straight? What if they’re autistic? What if they have a mental problem, for example, a psychotic disorder?”
Hitoshi flinched. Good. He knew it was wrong.
“What if they have anxiety or depression, and their parents just can’t cope? What if their parents have untreated mental disorders or other problems and take it out on the kid? What if the parents had a nasty divore, and they blame the kid? What if the kid got kidnaped or assaulted when they were young, too small and scared to escape? What if they have a chronic physical health disorder? What if they lost their home to debt or some kind of disaster? What if a million other things happened? Do people like him have to deal with problems ‘like that’ then?” Hizashi kept his voice calm and level the whole time. He was lecturing, not arguing. That was important.
“Did… did any of those things happen to Midoriya?” Hitoshi asked in a small voice.
“Does it matter?”
“What?”
“Hitoshi, you have to know that misfortune is not reserved for any type of person. You can’t assume, not based on demeanor, quirk, or whatever else. But even if it was that simple, even if bad things only ever happened to the people you’d think they would, that wouldn’t give you the right to treat anyone the way you treated Midoriya last night.”
Hitoshi froze, his face pale. In realization of how wrong his actions were last night, or due to questioning the way he treated nearly everyone in the hero course?
“But- I- I don’t understand. He’s- I thought he was going to hurt us, so I…” he trailed off.
“Got angry at a boy who was clearly dissociative for ‘ignoring you’- and I know you know what dissociation looks like, especially when it’s that bad- then physically assaulted him, told him that he isn’t loved, and threatened him to stay in a single room until he is inevitably abandoned?”
Hitoshi didn’t seem to have a response for that. He just gaped, but it was clear his mind was working, struggling to re-comprehend a concept that was so important to him.
Shouta and Hizashi shouldn’t have put off this lesson for so long.
“I love you, Toshi, and I’m sorry for being so harsh, but that was unacceptable,” Hizashi said.
Hitoshi ducked his head and tried to take even breaths. Hizashi winced. He was supposed to calm things down, not cause an existential crisis! The conversation needed to happenn, but did it have to happen righ then?
“But- but he- he-” Hitoshi choked, but didn’t cry.
“What is it, Toshi?”
“He’s so- so perfect. He- he has to- has to be bad.”
“Why?” Hizashi asked softly. He really just didn’t get it, but he wanted to.
Hitoshi didn’t respond.
“Toshi? Why does he have to be bad?”
He was silent, and his body started to tense and curl up, and his breathing got worse.
“Hey, hey, Toshi, it’s alright. Come on, deep breaths.”
“ Trying,” Hitoshi grit out, obviously annoyed. Hizashi just wanted to help.
His son’s breathing suddenly shuttered, and then quickly decelerated back to normal. He turned away from Hizashi. That probably wasn’t a good sign.
“Toshi?”
“‘M fine. Just need a minute. You should probably go help Otou-san find Midoriya,” Hitoshi mumbled. Mumbled. Hitoshi only mumbled when he was asleep.
“I’ll do that after everything is okay here. I’m not gonna leave you alone like this, Toshi.”
Hitoshi shuddered before answering, “It’s- I’ll be okay. I really just need a minute. You can go.”
“Toshi-”
“It’s important to find him quickly, right? I’ll be here when you’re done,” Hitoshi insisted.
And Hitoshi wasn't exactly wrong. Hitoshi was here, he was safe, and they could work on this more another time. Hell, maybe it'd be good to leave it at this and give Toshi some time to process before they talk about it again. Hizashi was more direct than he typically would be, and he's given Hitoshi a lot to chew on. But he hated to leave him after the near-panic attack.
But he cared about Izuku, too. Izuku was his responsibility, his future son if he had any say in it, no matter how many times Shouta reminded him that Inko was still on trial. And Hizashi didn't know if he was safe.
Damnit.
“Toshi? Please look at me.” Hitoshi hesitated, but turned back to him and allowed Hizashi to gently cup his face. “I love you. You know that, right?”
“Yeah,” Hitoshi sighed, leaning his head into his Hizashi’s hands. “I know. I love you, too.”
Hizashi smiled tenderly at his son. For a long moment, everything was still. But it had to pass. He stood with a soft grunt. “Alright. I better head out, then.” He knocked on the door Hitoshi was still leaning on. “Eri, sweety, you going to be alright until your otou-san and I get back later?”
“Yeah,” she said, voice right on the other side of the door. Hitoshi jumped, making Hizashi huff in amusement and nudge Hitoshi with his foot.
“Alright. Love you.”
“Love you, too… and you, too, Nii-san…” she added in a small voice.
"Love you, too, Imouto."
Hizashi's babies were so damn precious. He loved them so much.
With one last smile towards Hitoshi, Hizashi pulled out his phone and made a swift exit. He had another precious baby now, and Hizashi couldn't leave him all alone.
Hitoshi had an idea. It was probably a bad idea, but his parents had been gone for hours, Eri still hadn’t come out of her room, and it was all Hitoshi’s fault. He had to at least try.
He allowed himself exactly one deep breath before hitting “send”.
Class 1-A
Shinsou: Has anyone heard from Midoriya?
Sent 5:12 PM
He didn’t know what he really expected. He’d never said anything in the group chat before, and he knew he wasn’t exactly in good standing with the class. Most of them had tried hard to welcome him, and some of them hadn’t given up yet, but the last few days had been… rough. Ever since the rumors about Midoriya’s home life came out, Hitoshi had been extra antagonistic towards him, while the rest of the class had grown more defensive. It… caused a bit of a rift. Hitoshi couldn’t have cared less a day ago, but it was a problem now. Still, maybe-
Class 1-A
Todoroki: Why
Sent 5:17 PM
Hm. No. Hitoshi already knew Todoroki wouldn’t be helping him. He adored Midoriya, and had no patience for Hitoshi. He showed basically no interest at first, but he had been one of the first to start glaring when Hitoshi gave Midoriya shit. Hitoshi thought it was probably quirkism, since he didn’t glare that much when Bakugou treated Midoriya like that, but he was reconsidering now. It still could be true, but-
Class 1-A
Kirishima: yeah, why do you want to know?
Sent 5:18 PM
Todoroki: No, why would he think we would ever tell him anything about Midoriya.
Sent 5:18 PM
Kirishima: that too
Sent 5:18 PM
Okay, he could worry about it later. For now, he had a mission.
Class 1-A
Shinsou: Look, I know I’ve been an asshole, but I’m trying to help here.
Sent 5:19 PM
Kirishima: help with what?
Sent 5:19 PM
Shinsou: Ugh okay, I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you this, but his foster parents are also my adoptive parents and I may have said something that made him run off
Sent 5:19 PM
Kirishima: wait, foster parents?? So all that stuff was definitely true?? Is he okay???
Sent 5:19 PM
Shinsou: Shit, I assumed he at least told you all that much
Sent 5:20 PM
Todoroki: Our teachers are already looking for him. They hardly need your help.
Sent 5:20 PM
Kirishima: Todoroki, you knew?!
Sent: 5:20
Ashido: wait hold on, what’s up with Mido?
Sent 5:20
Uraraka: he doesn’t want people to know right now. Leave it alone
Sent 5:20
Iida: We shouldn’t discuss this in the group chat. It is a private matter, and one best left to the pros and anyone already involved.
Sent 5:20
Shinsou: It’s been hours. They only asked a few people, right? Maybe Midoriya mentioned something to one of the people Mic-sensei didn’t ask.
Sent 5:22
Uraraka: just leave him alone, Shinsou
Sent 5:22
Shinsou: It’s my fault, I just want to help fix it
Sent 5:22
Uraraka: why all of a sudden?
Sent 5:22
Todoroki: You’ve been a dick to him since you joined the class, what do you care now?
Sent 5:22
Shinsou: You two already told Mic-sensei everything you know, I don’t have to prove myself to you
Sent 5:23
Todoroki: You think the rest of them are any more inclined to believe you?
Sent 5:23
Ashido: Todoroki’s right…
Sent 5:23
Jirou: it wouldn’t do any good for the rest of us to help you find Midoriya if you’re just gonna treat him like shit
Sent 5:24
Iida: If anyone has any information, please pass it to me or directly to one of our teachers. They are more equipped to help Midoriya than Shinsou is. Now, please stop discussing this. Midoriya will not be happy to see us discussing his personal problems in front of the whole class. Thank you.
Sent 5:24
God, what was he supposed to say? What could he ever say that would make them believe him? He barely believed himself.
He didn't know how to feel about Midoriya right now.
He hated him, or at least what he represented. He was everything a hero student was supposed to be, he was everything a hero student shouldn't be. He was the antithesis of Hitoshi, the things he swore he'd never become.
But Dad said he had it all wrong. He said that the mask Midoriya put on every day didn't hide the things Hitoshi thought it hid. He thought it hid mockery when Midoriya was kind, apathy when he cared, judgement when he watched all his classmates and said, "You're so cool!" like a child watching TV.
Dad said he was wrong. Dad said that Midoriya hid fear, pain, and insecurity. He said Midoriya hid scars, and he didn't even hide them that well.
And Hitoshi denied it. Hitoshi was everything he went through, and everything he would be in spite of that. He wanted to prove to everyone, but especially all the hero brats, that a quirk didn’t make a person. Hero brats weren’t special, and Hitoshi wanted to be their wake-up call. But if Midoriya wasn't secretly evil, then who was Hitoshi opposing?
Dad must be wrong. Well… maybe a bit right. Bad things do happen sometimes, even to hero brats. But that's the exception to the rule. More bad, generally worse things happen to people like Hitoshi and maybe quirkless people.
So, okay, Hitoshi was opposing most hero brats. And Midoriya was one of their leaders! In their class, it was Bakugou and Midoriya, and sometimes Todoroki. They were the leaders, no matter what Iida and Yaoyorozu, and Hitoshi was just expected to believe that one of them was secretly like him? He couldn’t.
He wouldn’t… but maybe he could give Midoriya a chance? If something bad did happen to him- which it didn’t, but if it did- then Hitoshi… was being a real ass.
Dad said the things Hitoshi did weren’t okay regardless. In retrospect… yeah. He went too far. Even with what Midoriya represented, it wasn’t like Midoriya had ever actually done anything to anyone, not as far as Hitoshi knew. And yeah, Hitoshi did know that Midoriya was dissociating. He was just so angry that he didn’t think of it at the time. All he knew was that Midoriya was in his house, in his room, getting care from his parents- and he wanted Midoriya gone. So he… did that.
If Hitoshi’s actions were awful under normal circumstances, then if something was really wrong with Midoriya, what Hitoshi did was actually really fucked up. So. It was a really good thing that there was no way that the golden hero child in Hitoshi’s class just happened to be the exception.
…But Hitoshi couldn’t deny the dissociation. He couldn’t deny Midoriya’s borderline suicidal tendancies, and the way he avoided praise for them. The way he avoided praise for anything. It… it didn’t look like the arrogance Hitoshi assumed he had, and it didn’t look like forced modesty. It didn’t look like real modesty, either. It looked like imposter syndrome. It looked like fear and doubt and an inability to value himself.
And the flinching-
His phone buzzed. Please, please be someone willing to help.
Class 1-A
Bakugou: Eyebags
Sent 5:30
Shinsou: ?
Sent 5:30
Bakugou: give me one reason to help you instead of listening to four eyes
Sent 5:30
Kirishima: do you know where he is??
Sent 5:30
Ashido: you know where Mido is?
Sent 5:30
Jirou: ?
Sent 5:30
Todoroki: You found him?
Sent 5:30
Iida: IT IS IMPERATIVE TO PASS ANY USEFUL INFORMATION TO THE PROS INVOLVED IN THE CASE AND NOT TALK ABOUT IT IN THE CLASS GROUP CHAT
Sent 5:30
Uraraka: dude
Sent 5:30
Shinsou: I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. One of my parents sat me down after they found out what I did and they talked to me about and I guess something they said just clicked because I get it now, I get that what I did was wrong, I get that the way that I was thinking was wrong, and maybe I was wrong in other ways too, idk. But I hurt him and I know that and I want to be better and I want to help him
Shinsou: And my baby sister called me a butthole for being mean to him and that actually hurt a lot
Sent 5:33
Bakugou: I didn’t ask for your fucking sob story. I asked why I should tell you instead of a teacher.
Sent 5:37
Iida: You shouldn’t.
Sent 5:37
Bakugou: stfu you hypocrite nerd
Sent 5:38
Uraraka: go to bed at 8:30 and get straight A’s you hypocrite nerd
Sent 5:38
Bakugou: stfu simp
Sent 5:38
Shinsou: Argue later
Sent 5:38
Shinsou: To answer your question
Sent 5:39
Shinsou: Our teachers could drag him back, but they can’t convince him to stay, I think. I think he’ll just wait for the opportunity to leave again because he’ll be stuck on the reason he left in the first place. But maybe since I’m the one that said it, if I take it back and explain why I said it and that I was wrong, maybe he’ll actually listen and give it a chance
Sent 5:44
Bakugou: I doubt it
Sent 5:51
Bakugou: but it’s worth a shot ig
Sent 5:51
Bakugou: Did any of you losers tell Mic-sensei to check the beach?
Sent 5:51
Uraraka: What beach?
Sent 5:51
Iida: I’m not sure what you mean.
Sent 5:51
Todoroki: No.
Sent 5:51
Bakugou: there you go. Try that
Sent 5:52
Shinsou: What beach?
Sent 5:52
Bakugou: Takoba
Sent 5:52
Shinsou: Trash beach? Where exactly?
Sent 5:52
Todoroki: No, someone cleaned it.
Sent 5:52
Bakugou: Fucking Deku cleaned it. Just look around. This is your problem not mine
Sent 5:53
Ashido: Mido cleaned the beach?! Like by himself?!
Sent 5:53
Kirishima: Bro! That’s so manly! How come he didn’t tell anyone?
Sent 5:53
Bakugou: he has a panic attack every time someone so much as thanks him for lending them a pencil and you want to know why didn’t call the press on himself for cleaning a whole-ass beach
Sent 5:54
Kirishima: okay okay, damn
Sent 5:54
Uraraka: as long as you’re volunteering Forbidden Information, got anything on why exactly he has panic attacks when thanked?
Sent 5:55
Bakugou: no
Sent 5:55
Hitoshi muted the chat. He had all he needed, hopefully. From Bakugou of all people. Unless Midoriya wasn’t there, and Hitoshi did all of that for nothing.
Regardless of that possibility, he had to try.
"Eri!" He called out. She still hadn’t left her room in the hour it took to get that information, but he didn't think she was too upset with him anymore.
She cracked her door open and peeked out hopefully.
"I've got a lead on Midoriya; I'm gonna go try and find him."
"What?! I wanna come!" She tumbled from her doorway, rushing to the entryway and putting her little shoes on.
"Eri, you can't-!" Hitoshi started, but cut himself off. Would having Eri there help?
She could help convince him to come back, as well as to stay. She could convince him that she loves him, and maybe it'll be easier to talk with her there. Maybe she could even do most of it. Also, he shouldn't leave her in the house alone. But what if Midoriya had harsh words for Hitoshi, but held back for Eri? Hitoshi knew this would be a very bad time to censor him. Also, it would be terrible of him to use her to fix his own mistake, wouldn’t it?
"...Eri… I think you should stay."
"But-"
"Hear me out, okay? He loves you very much, and he wants to be good for you. But right now, I think he needs the freedom to be upset if he wants to. He won't do that with you there, like how you held back your tears when I first got here because you knew I was hurt and you wanted to show me that everything was going to be okay. Does that make sense?"
"But…" she said in a much smaller voice.
"It's okay, Imouto, you can talk to him when I bring him home. Because finding him and bringing him back? That's only half the challenge. The rest is to make him smile, and you do that much better than I do. I think you're up to the challenge. What do you think?" So maybe he could use her help to make Midoriya stay. Hitoshi could live with that.
"I… okay. Okay, I'll make Deku smile again. Just like he did for me!" She proclaimed, filled with stubbornness and determination. Good kid.
Hitoshi just had to hold up his end of the deal.
"Remember not to open the door for anyone, you can have snacks for dinner tonight if nobody's home by then, but nothing super sugary. Your bedtime is still nine-thirty," Hitoshi said as if he didn't already know she'd stay up waiting for Midoriya, "and don't do anything stupid. Okay?"
"Okay!" She chirped.
Hitoshi prayed that this wasn't a bad idea, then stepped out the door and locked it behind him.
He gave himself an allowance of three deep breaths before he moved any further. He needed them.
Hitoshi almost missed him. It was starting to get darker, and the sun setting over the ocean made it hard to look without being blinded. But he saw him. Midoriya was lying flat on the sand, bare feet just barely above the waterline.
He was passively surprised that he got there before his parents. He was worried Midoriya's friends would forward the conversation to their teacher, but they must not have. Were they giving him a chance?
He couldn't waste it. He wouldn't. He just… didn't quite plan this far ahead. What was he even supposed to do?
Well, the first step had to be to get closer. He couldn't very well yell his apology at Midoriya.
And then he had to talk.
The few people that talked to Hitoshi should probably say he's a good conversationalist, surprisingly. They'd say it's probably because of his quirk, and they're halfway right. It wasn't an innate ability, but because Hitoshi had the quirk he did, he trained. He studied sociology. He read every how-to guide out there for how to talk to people, both in general and in specific circumstances. He even went into public spaces where no one knew him to practice these skills.
So he knew mimicry would do wonders. Be a little awkward, copy his body language. That stuff.
He knew this wasn't a situation to be goal-oriented in. He couldn't be thinking about how to convince Midoriya to come home with him, because if he did, Midoriya would likely notice that not all of Hitoshi's attention was on him. That's generally bad in conversations, but especially this one. So, go in willing to be distracted. Go off track a little.
He also knew that Midoriya always responded well to openness, too. To emotional honesty. Which was terrible for Hitoshi, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make, if it came down to that. But he'd save that for if the other stuff wasn't enough.
Two deep breaths. He could do this. Hitoshi walked up to Midoriya's prone form and sat.
"Midoriya," Hitoshi said, just to get his attention and make sure he wasn't dissociating again.
Midoriya's eyes slid over to him. They were focused enough, Hitoshi thought.
"Midoriya, I'm- look, I'm sorry. I was wrong to treat you like that, and I was probably factually wrong too, and I shouldn't have done any of that. So. I'm sorry."
Very awkward, so… good job? Too harsh?
"It's fine," was Midoriya's answer. Then he looked back up at the fire-painted sky.
"... It's clearly not fine."
Midoriya closed his eyes with a tired sigh.
"Why are you here?" His question had the tone of a complaint, and Hitoshi nearly snarked back at him. But he stopped himself. He needed to do better than what he did last night.
"To take you back to the house."
"But why?" Midoriya asked, and this time, it was a real question. And damn, it was a good one. Hitoshi could have told his dads, or let Iida do it. He didn't have to be here. He shouldn't be here. What he said to Bakugou was… true, but not really. He had a feeling Midoriya would know, so he needed to come up with something better.
He settled down on his back, emulating Midoriya's position. He didn't see whatever it was that Midoriya saw in the sky. He closed his eyes instead and simply thought.
He supposed he was there because he felt guilty, but was that really all? Guilty, ashamed, responsible for this mess. But there was something more. If he just felt guilty, he wouldn't go this far. He'd stay with Eri like he was supposed to, draft a better apology, prepare his room better for Midoriya, and help Eri plan what she wanted to say when he got home. He’d be better, and he’d help fix it, but he wouldn’t… he wouldn’t have done something so risky. Logically, he should have told his dads, who actually knew what to do.
So there was something else. Something in what Dad had told him earlier, but what?
Dad said that what he did was unacceptable. Hitoshi was scolded by his father, so it's only natural he would feel the need to restore their relationship as quickly as possible. That could mean going plus ultra. But that wasn’t it, because then he wouldn't have risked leaving Eri alone. He knew they were going to be upset about that.
Dad also said that misfortune favors no one, so he shouldn't assume. But Hitoshi couldn't change what he'd already done. He could do better moving forward, but… the damage was already done here. He couldn't make up for that just by improving this particular relationship, and he still didn’t completely buy that anyway.
Before that, Dad had… he'd listed a bunch of things that could happen to people, even people with socially ideal quirks. They could be struck by natural disasters, abused, isolated, victims…
…Something happened to Midoriya. Fine, Hitoshi admitted it. Something must have happened, if his mother was being investigated and Hitoshi's dads were letting him stay with them. So… what was it?
Was that it? He was curious?
In his experience, curiosity doesn't often come with this feeling of dread, though. Even morbid curiosity didn't feel so… frightened? Concerned?
Ah.
He was worried.
About Midoriya.
…He really didn't see this coming. But it didn’t change anything. His plan was the same.
"Dad spoke to me, before he left to join the search for you," Hitoshi said into the silence that had enveloped them, his eyes still closed. "He said… he said a lot of things. But… but I think I got the message,” Hitoshi lied, just a little. “That bad things can happen to anyone. That just because… just because you didn't deal with the same…" Shit? Stuff? Prejudice? "... prejudice, doesn't mean that you didn't deal with any other…" Prejudices? Natural disasters aren't prejudices. "...traumatic experiences." Nice. "And-"
"Pain Olympics…" Midoriya interrupted unconsciously.
"What?" Hitoshi snapped out of his carefully crafted thoughtful expression just to look at Midoriya from the corner of his eyes.
Midoriya startled and made a confused noise, so Hitoshi repeated what he'd overheard. It made the previously catatonic boy flinch.
"...sorry."
"No, what's that mean?" He always apologized, Hitoshi realized. "Sorry" seemed to be Midoriya's default response to everything. Does he always feel like he's being accused of something? That everyone is upset with him, even when doing something innocuous? That everything is somehow his fault?
Maybe Hitoshi was overthinking it because of his Dad. Looking for signs where there weren’t any. Or maybe he was seeing them now just because he finally knew to look. Because he was worried. Ridiculous.
"It's… comparing trauma," Midoriya explained hesitantly. "It's saying 'What happened to me is worse than what happened to you, so I'm more, um… valid than you.'”
Oh. Oh, no.
“Or the opposite,” Midoriya continued. “Like, 'What happened to me isn't as bad as what's happened to other people, so I don't have the right to feel hurt or get better.' It's, um… it's… a difficult thing to not do, for some reason. And it's the Pain Olympics because it feels like a competition for who has it the worst."
Fuck. That was- that was literally Hitoshi’s entire justification for his continued jugement of hero brats. Shit, should he stop calling them that? Fucking- damn it. What the fuck.
"... Well I feel extra stupid about what I said now," Hitoshi mumbled mildly. He had a feeling his true feelings would be a little too much for this situation.
"Sorry." Always an apology. "I guess I do it, too, if it makes you feel better."
"You do?" Wait, was this it? Was this Midoriya’s dark side?
"Yeah, like, I don't think I can be hurt. Other people are more hurt, so I should just deal with it. I don't deserve to feel pain when bad things happen to me."
Mother fucker.
"...Well now I feel extra sorry for what I said earlier."
"Sorry," Midoriya said once again.
"You're apologizing… because I realized that I've done something wrong that I need to apologize for. You realize that?"
"Oh… sorry."
Jesus fucking Christ.
"No, I'm sorry."
"... Okay."
There. That's better. Hitoshi took a deep breath. He just needed a second to reevaluate. Was Hitoshi’s way of thinking… was it really like that? Was he…
Okay, he could… deal with that later. He could panic later. For right now, he had to get through this. And he had to start with actually answering Midoriya’s question. He could still stick to the plan, right?
'Anyway, m- Dad helped me understand. A bit, at least. And…"
And it made him worried? Not really. Not that quickly.
"And at first, I panicked," his mouth said. Honestly. Hitoshi didn’t- he wasn’t sure what the truth was anymore, so he couldn’t- he couldn’t manipulate this. He couldn’t control it. Was coming here a mistake? But it was too late to turn back. He had to just- he had to keep going. "I panicked because I thought that if you did experience something, if you weren't faking, then you weren't bad. You weren't someone I needed to protect my family from. But… if you weren't bad…"
Then what? What was it?
"... That had to mean that you're good. You're… cheerful, kind, powerful… everything a parent could want from a child. And I'm… not."
Midoriya shifted to look at Hitoshi.
"So, if they had you, then they wouldn't want me," Hitoshi realized. That’s why- that’s why Hitoshi was so cruel to him last night.
Hitoshi really was the opposite of Midoriya, wasn’t he? Suddenly, that didn’t seem like such a good thing.
"Shinsou-"
"Wait, please let me finish. I-this is hard," Hitoshi admitted. Midoriya just made a soft noise of confirmation. A sympathetic one. It didn’t make Hitoshi as angry as it would have before.
"So… I felt… threatened, jealous, and ashamed all at the same time. And then Dad scolded me and left to go look for you." Midoriya grimaced, so Hitoshi clarified, "I told him he should. That he could talk to me more when you were safe.
"A few hours passed, and… I calmed down, but I all could think about was how everyone was miserable because of me. I felt so guilty and I just wanted to fix it. To own up to my mistake and make everyone happy again. "
"You'll be a good hero." Midoriya murmured unintentionally. Like it was a fact, and that was all there was to it.
Hitoshi took a sharp breath and felt his face warm. He didn’t think he deserved to hear that right now.
"...No." He said the word softly, with conviction wrapped in fluffy down. "No, I wish I could claim something like that, but in truth, there was another motive… I came to you because I'm worried."
Suddenly, Hitoshi's vision was filled with green. Midoriya pushed himself up onto his elbows to get a better view of Hitoshi. Which allowed Hitoshi to get a better view of Midoriya's bewildered face.
"Yeah, I'm surprised, too. I didn't even realize it at first," Hitoshi sat up completely, and Midoriya mimicked him so that they were fully face-to-face. "I thought it was just guilt and responsibility, you know, like owning up to my mistakes. But I could have done that more easily and even more efficiently at home. Where I could actually think of a good apology, and since I was supposed to stay there. My- our?- Dad and Otou-san will probably be mad at me when we get home. I should have stayed and let them come get you. They’d probably do a better job of- of convincing you to come back. But I couldn't. I had to come myself. And the only explanation I could come up with was that I was worried.”
Midoriya just blinked at him without comprehension. He didn’t understand that Hitoshi was sorry, that Hitoshi didn’t want Midoriya to be homeless and in pain. He never wanted that, not even when he told Otou-san not to look for Midoriya. He didn’t want this. He just didn’t know how bad it really was until his Dad’s lecture.
"I thought about all the things Dad said,” Hitoshi explained. “He listed a lot of things that could happen to someone, even if they have a socially acceptable quirk. What I did to you was bad enough regardless, but I guess I thought… 'If Midoriya isn't faking it, then something bad happened to him. And now he's missing.' So I just…" he tailed off, gesturing vaguely between the two of them.
"It's-it's really not-” Midoriya started twisting his fingers. Shouldn’t he be more careful? “I mean, it's not, like, really a bad thing. It's just, I mean, I know it wasn't good, but really, it's not that bad, you don't have to worry-"
"Is this also the Pain Olympics?" Hitoshi cut him off instead of grabbing Midoriya’s hands like he wanted to, just to stop the twisting.
Midoriya's mouth hung open for a moment, before he closed it with an audible pop. Hitoshi guessed that meant "yes".
At this point, Hitoshi didn’t even care what happened to Midoirya. Something was wrong enough to put his parents that on edge, and with the way Midoriya acted…
"It's not my place to decide whether… whatever happened is bad enough for your mom to lose parental rights. I have absolutely no idea why you're staying with us. But I know that Dad and Otou-san are worried, and I know that you're always apologizing and flinching and acting like you're not… I don't know, worthy of basic things?" Midoriya flinched and ducked his head. "And then you ran away because I said terrible things to you while you weren't- when you were already suffering. So of course I’m worried." He heard a sharp inhale before words fumbled out of Midoriya's mouth.
"I-no, it's not- I don't- I'm- you should- shouldn't- I thought-" Midoriya gasped, "I'm sor-ry." Midoriya's voice separated his words. His head was down, but Hitoshi could still see his red face, and he could still hear the tears in Midoriya's voice. Hitoshi almost instinctively softened his voice.
"Hey, it's alright," he tried, holding his open hands up. "It's not- that's not a bad thing, Midoriya. I'm not mad or upset." Midoriya deserved to have people worry about him when something was wrong. He deserved care, and he deserved help. But Hitoshi couldn't put that in words. All he could do was repeat, "It's okay, no one's mad, it's okay."
"No, no, I'm causing problems again,” he whispered through sniffles and small gasps. “Aizawa-sensei must be mad, I'm so sorry… I'm sorry,". He brought his arm up to cover his eyes.
"Midoriya, Midoriya, shh," Hitoshi shushed him, and Hitoshi felt like an idiot for doing it, but they were only on the beach at all because of him in the first place. He had to try.
He gently placed his hands on Midoriya's shoulders. The resulting flinch was hard enough that Hitoshi could tell it apart from the force of his trembling breaths, but Midoriya stayed, so Hitoshi did, too. He just kept repeating soothing mantras over and over again.
He calmed down, eventually. Hitoshi couldn't tell if he was any help, but he found himself hoping he was. He… he really wanted to help. He didn’t care about his mission or obligations anymore, he just wanted to help.
"I'm sorry, Shinsou," was the first coherent thing he said. Didn’t he understand that he hadn’t done anything wrong?
Hitoshi sighed, but gave him a small, genuine smile. He was surprised to see Midoriya actually relax a bit at the sight of it.
"It's all good. You don't need to be sorry."
"Right, sor-" Midoriya cut himself off and clamped his hands over his mouth.
"It's alright," he soothed anyway. "And, really, no one is mad."
Midoriya looked at him doubtfully.
"No, listen. Otou-san… I don't think he's ever gotten that angry at me." Any relief he gained from Midoriya’s smile drowned in the memory of the voice Hitoshi's father used on him. A somber tone took over Hitoshi's own voice, coupled with shame. "I tried to tell him that… that he shouldn't look for you, and he didn't yell at me, but his composure was slipping and he snapped at me. I don't- I'm not sure you understand how rare that is. And it's because he was worried. He was upset that I hurt you, and he was upset because he didn't know where you were and he was- he was worried. Just. Worried. He cares about you."
“He doesn’t,” Midoriya bit out. “I’m just the problem child.”
That hit right in the center of Hitoshi’s chest. Midoriya really thought that?
“Midoriya,” Hitoshi started softly, “that isn’t- he doesn’t mean it like that-”
“How else could he possibly mean it?” Dark hair fell over Midoriya’s eyes, shadowing his face. His fists clenched in the sand tight enough that Hitoshi could hear his bones creak. Fuck.
“He means- he means that-” Stop. Don’t rush in. Don’t be foolish. “...He cares. You wouldn’t have a nickname if he didn’t. I know it sounds harsh, but…” But it was affectionate enough to make Hitoshi jealous. It was enough to sour his victory in training if Dad came home and said Sho, you’re not gonna believe what your problem child said in class! It was parental enough to hurt when he texted Hitoshi that they couldn’t eat lunch together because something’s wrong with my problem child. It hurt because…
“You’re not a problem child. You’re his problem child,” Hitoshi finally continued, voice faint as his memories played out. “You’re not some kid he got stuck with that isn’t worth the effort. You’re not. You’re… You don’t make problems. You’re the kid that gets wrapped up in problems. The well-meaning, clever kid that he has to watch out for. You aren’t a problem or a burden. You’re a kid and a hero. He wants to take care of you. His problem child.”
When Hitoshi blinked hard to clear his reverie, Midoriya stared at him with wide, vulnerable eyes.
“Ai-Aizawa-sensei?” he breathed.
“Yeah,” Hitoshi said just as lightly.
“He- he can’t,” Midoriyas’s voice was thick with emotion. His eyes were wet. “He- I’m not-”
“Dad cares about you too, you know?”
“Wh- Yamada-sensei?” Midoriya asked. He sounded so lost. So small.
Hitoshi nodded.
“But we’ve barely even…”
“You really don’t know, do you?”
“What?”
“The effect you have on people. It’s-” Hitoshi huffed. “Nevermind. All you need to know is that Dad adores you. Even if you haven’t interacted that much, he’s always talking about you. Telling stories, praising something you’ve done, complaining about your essays being so long…” Hitoshi trailed off to a watery giggle from Midoriya. “Dad’s soft for kids, anyway. He’s more than happy to take care of one in need, especially if the kid is you.”
Midoriya had a hand covering his mouth, and his breath was shuddering more. But he stayed silent. He listened.
“And Eri… you know she loves you, and you being in her life has done nothing but help. All that stuff I said before?” Hitoshi shook his head. “Stupid. Completely unfounded. You love her, and so living with us would add to the care she gets from us, not subtract.”
“And that just leaves me. I- I know I've been…" Hitoshi sighed. There wasn’t a word good enough, so he let the silence speak for him. “But the things I said-
"I know," Midoriya whispered, wiping his face with his sand-coated sleeve. "You already said."
"Yeah, but…” But it wasn’t enough. But he meant it, but he didn’t. But he was sorry, for everything. “You still think I hate you."
"Don't you?” Midoriya sniffled. “Even if you’re sorry for what you said, that doesn't change that you dislike everything about me."
Hitoshi opened his mouth to respond, but words fled from his mind.
It wasn't true. It wasn't. But Hitoshi didn't even know where to begin with an explanation. Hitoshi didn't even know what he really felt about Midoriya at this point, but he knew it wasn’t like that. Maybe just- explain where he’s at and how he got there.
"That's not true." Hitoshi could do this."It's just… before now, everything you did, I saw it wrong. Like… like if you were being kind, I thought it was just an act to gain popularity, and if you were brave, I thought you were arrogant. I just- I took every positive trait you have and twisted it until it was shaped the way I wanted it to be. The person I made was despicable. Malicious, scheming, manipulative. I hated him. I hated the version of you that I made in my own head, but now… now I think that you're nothing like him."
Hitoshi glanced up from where his eyes had fallen onto his lap. The setting sun shone off the fresh tear tracks on Midoriya's face.
"I'm sorry, Midoriya."
The sob that came out of Midoriya was forceful enough to hurt. It had him folded in on himself, cries coming out more like screams.
He cried as if he'd been holding it in for an eternity, waiting for a release he thought would never come. The harsh sounds echoed in the space between the two boys, broken only by his own body's desperate fight to breathe.
It wasn’t a pretty sight. It was painful, ugly, and tragically alluring. He cried with a misery, with a freedom that made Hitoshi's breath stutter as his own laments fought to break free. Even like this, it was impossible to ignore Midoriya’s influence.
Hitoshi couldn’t speak. If he tried, only sobs would come out.
He was helpless.
He was helpless, and his voice was dammed up by the beasts trying to climb up his throat, but he had to do something.
He couldn't talk without breaking down, but he could move. He could move.
He inched forward until their knees touched, then draped his lanky body over Midoriya in an approximation of a hug. He tried to hold his tears back, he did, but… well. Midoriya didn't seem to mind. Instead, they just stayed like that, with Midoriya just trying to breathe while Hitoshi laid over him, both sobbing.
It would have been a terrible sight to see, but it was wonderful.
So they stayed.
They stayed like that as the sun fully set and the stars came out.
Finally, Izuku shifted, so Hitoshi sat up. They were both silent. Neither boy knew how to break the atmosphere, nor did they know if they should.
But they had to, eventually. Hitoshi had his deep breaths, but he suspected the only thing Izuku had was anxiety and poor impulse control. So it had to be him.
Two deep breaths.
“You wanna get some ramen?” Hitoshi blurted.
“Huh?”
“W-well. You probably haven’t eaten in a while, and I’m getting kinda hungry, so…”
Izuku stared at him for a full five seconds, but then he blinked. It was like a lightswitch, the way Midoriya’s face lit up with small giggles.
“Yeah, sure,” he grinned.
Hitoshi smiled back, genuinely smiled.
"Okay,” Hitoshi confirmed, but then a thought crossed his mind. And they were friends now, so…
“By the way,” Hitoshi stood up and offered a hand to Izuku, “did you really clean the whole beach?”
-OMAKE-
Class 1-A
Shinsou:
[Image description: Shinsou holds the phone out with a smirk, with noticeable sand in his hair and on his dark clothes. He's sitting at a table, which holds a lopsided tray of fast food. On the other side of the table, Midoriya is sipping on a soda, clearly unaware of the picture being taken. He is also covered in sand, and his face is splotchy, but he is smiling and looks to be enjoying himself.]
Sent 9:07
Shinsou: eat your words, fuckers
Sent 9:07