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"Ugh, why do I have to hang out with you?" Powder groaned, kicking a tiny pebble into the parking lot. She and Caitlyn were standing just outside the school near the front doors.
“I told your sister I would keep an eye on you,” Caitlyn said, arms wrapped around herself. She was touched that Vi trusted Caitlyn to keep an eye on her sister, but she got the feeling Powder didn’t care for Caitlyn very much.
“Whatever.” Powder rolled her eyes. She dropped her backpack on the ground, all the pins crammed onto it rattling as she did. She dug around in it for a moment before pulling out a bottle of water.
“Vi will be back soon. She said she wouldn’t be long and that she just needed to get something from her locker.” Caitlyn wasn’t sure who she was reassuring, herself or Powder.
“I can look after myself. I don’t need a babysitter!” Powder huffed and glared at Caitlyn in annoyance. Vi had once said Powder was just cranky because she was in middle school and all middle schoolers were assholes. Caitlyn had asked why and Vi had just shrugged before suggesting something about middle school sucking. Caitlyn wasn’t sure she understood the explanation.
“I am sure you can.” Caitlyn smiled back, trying to be kind. Powder ignored her in favor of trying to get the water bottle open. When it didn’t immediately open she started gnawing on it like a wild animal. “Do you need some help?”
“No!” Powder spat around the water bottle, not pausing in her task. At least it sounded like she said no, Caitlyn wasn’t too sure.
“Alright.” Caitlyn went back to standing there awkwardly hoping Vi showed up soon. That is, until physics struck.
Powder had been gnawing on the bottle cap to try to get it off, but she had also been yanking at it with her hand. Which meant when the cap did pop off, Powder’s arm kept going no longer held back by the cap in her mouth. It caught the girl off guard enough that she wasn’t able to stop the action. Unfortunately, the force of the bottle being yanked harshly to the side caused most of the water to fly out.
Right onto Caitlyn.
“Shit!” Powder’s eyes widened. Caitlyn’s face and sweater were now drenched in water. Vi found that moment perfect to appear again. She was smiling widely until she jogged up and saw the scene.
“What happened?!”
“It was an accident!”
“Powder, what the hell? I was gone for like five minutes.”
“It’s not my fault she was in the way of my water bottle. I wasn’t trying to soak her. If I was, I would have gone for her pants so it looked like she peed herself.” Powder crossed her arms and pouted.
“It’s quite alright, it’s just water.” Caitlyn interjected nervously, face flushed with embarrassment.
“I’m sorry about her, she was raised by wolves.” Vi glared at her sister before pulling off her tank top. This caused Caitlyn’s brain to short circuit with Vi standing there in her sports bra, muscles very defined. “Here. It’s summer but it’s super fucking windy today. I know you get cold easily.” She held out the tank top to Caitlyn.
“O-Oh,” Caitlyn stuttered. Vi wanted her to put on the tank top. Run , her mind screamed at her. She’ll hate you if she finds out. You’ll lose the only friend you have.
“Powder and I’ve got your back, don’t worry. We’ll make sure no one’s looking, cupcake.” Vi assured.
“I didn’t sign up for that.” Powder protested. Vi frowned and reached over to grab her sister’s head, forcibly nodding it up and down.
“Yes, Caitlyn, I’ll help Vi keep watch. And I’m very sorry for spilling water all over you,” Vi mocked her sister’s voice.
“Fine!” Powder swatted her sister’s hand away.
“That’s okay, I’ll be fine until home.” Caitlyn tried to get out of this, tried to avoid the inevitable. She can’t know how weak and pathetic you are.
“Don’t you get cold easily?” Powder pointed out.
“I know it’s no sweater but at least it’s dry. Come on, cupcake. I promise I’m cleaner than I look,” Vi chuckled. Caitlyn hesitated for a moment before taking the tank top.
“Okay, Pow-Pow! Keep an eye out.” Vi moved to stand in front of Caitlyn, turning her back to the other girl and scanning the area. Powder reluctantly stood beside her, also scanning the area.
Caitlyn’s hands shook as she pulled off the wet sweater. Her mouth felt dry and full of cotton. It was bad enough that Caitlyn hated her body, preferring to cover it in baggy sweaters she could hide in. Vi seemed to be so confident in hers and Caitlyn envied that. She’s going to leave you , she thought as she pulled on the tank top.
“O-Okay.” Caitlyn wrapped her arms around herself, refusing to look at Vi. Her eyes found the ground more interesting as she braced herself for Vi’s reaction. With the tanktop on, it was obvious why Caitlyn’s wardrobe always consisted of long-sleeved shirts and sweaters.
“Great-” Vi started to speak but stopped abruptly once she faced Caitlyn again. Her face didn’t portray what she was feeling, but her eyes flitted across Caitlyn’s body. The scars on her shoulders, some newer and some older. Relatively fresh cuts peeked out from where she held herself, the full picture not obvious but enough pieces to have a good enough idea. There were some scars on her arms too, also a mix of new and old. Caitlyn was just glad her thighs and stomach were still hidden.
“Whoa, did you get into a fight with a cat?” Powder asked, ever the bulldozer. Vi reached over to not so gently shove her head.
“Shuddup.” Vi muttered, shooting her sister a warning look. She turned back to Caitlyn and gave her a strained smile. “You look good in my stuff, Cupcake.”
“You don’t have to lie to me.” Despite Caitlyn’s attempts to hold them back, tears welled in her eyes. “You can go, I’m sure you hate me now. I would hate me.”
“Pow!” Vi shoved her hand in her pocket and brought out a fistful of change. “Go get a new water bottle from the vending machine.”
“Oh, so I can go by myself to the vending bending machine but can’t wait by myself?!”
“Just go!”
“Fine.” Powder snatched up the coins and walked off, muttering under her breath about dumb high schoolers not making any sense.
“I don’t hate you, I could never hate you!” Vi assured Caitlyn once Powder was out of earshot.
“I know you have a good heart, Vi, but you don’t have to pretend.” Caitlyn sniffed, reaching up to try to discreetly wipe away the falling tears. “I know how pathetic I am.”
“No way!” Vi frowned, reaching out to take Caitlyn’s hand. “You’re one of the strongest people I know.” She paused, chewing on her lip. “Though, I kinda wanna know why you’d do this to yourself.”
“It’s complicated.” Caitlyn didn’t pull away when Vi took her hand but she still couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend.
“I’m listening,” Vi assured her. “Even if it’s complicated or confusing.”
“I suppose-” Caitlyn hesitated, trying to find the right words to say. How do you explain something like this? It was difficult. “It’s something I can control.”
“What do you mean?”
“My parents are very strict and they have high expectations of me. There’s a lot of pressure on my shoulders. My mother makes all the decisions for me under the explanation that she knows best,” Caitlyn sighed, more tears falling. “This is something I can control.”
She shrunk into herself even more. “And it felt good. We don’t express our feelings outwardly in my family. We are meant to keep them to ourselves and only release them in private. Hurting myself was like releasing all the bad feelings in a way that actually helped. Just crying alone in my room wasn’t enough.”
“I’m sorry, cupcake. That sucks. Can I help?” Vi looked at her sympathetically. She didn’t look disgusted or repulsed by Caitlyn. She didn’t even look like she pitied her. It just looked like Vi felt sad for her, and maybe that was worse. Caitlyn didn’t want to hurt Vi with her issues.
“It’s okay, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Caitlyn reassured, trying to sound stronger than she felt. It sounded pathetic to her own ears so she imagined it sounded worse to Vi.
"No way, you're my best friend. It's like my job to worry about you," Vi frowned. "I want to help you."
"I'm not worth all the trouble," Caitlyn insisted, but apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Vi's expression turned into one of determination as she stepped forward and cupped Caitlyn’s face in her hands. Caitlyn felt her cheeks heat up immediately.
"Look at me, Cupcake." They made eye contact. "If you can't see yourself as worth much, then at least listen. You're worth it to me. I think I'd do just about anything for you and that is usually only reserved for family. Fuck knows I like you better than any of my siblings."
Despite her heartbeat pounding in her ears, Caitlyn couldn't help but chuckle.
"You're great and I want to help you see that you're great," Vi smiled warmly. "Next time you wanna do this to yourself?" She hesitantly brushed a finger over one of the scars on Caitlyn's shoulder. Caitlyn felt a shudder go down her spine. "Call me instead? We can just talk or I'll bike over to your house. I can even sneak through your window."
"You could get in trouble for doing that!" Caitlyn gasped.
"I don't care, if you need me I'm there," Vi shrugged.
Caitlyn searched Vi's eyes. She didn't know what she was looking for, but she looked anyway. What she found was a mixture of affection and hope.
"Can I kiss you?" The words spilled from her lips before she could stop them. Her hand clapped over her mouth, eyes widened in fear. Had she really just said that out loud?.
"Wow," Vi smirked. "I've been waiting forever for you to ask." Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to Caitlyn's.
Caitlyn felt warmth flood her chest as she leaned into the kiss. Vi's lips were chapped but softer than she expected. This was everything she had been dreaming of. Sure, she had realized she had a crush on Vi, she just never thought the other girl would reciprocate. There were no fireworks to this kiss like romance books and movies always suggested. There weren't any sparks either. But to Caitlyn it was everything. It felt like home.
"Is it a deal?" Vi's words pulled Caitlyn out of her reverie.
"Yes, from now on if I have the urge to harm myself, then I'll call you," Caitlyn nodded, earning another kiss for her efforts.
"Hell yeah." Vi broke out into a grin. "Now we should probably go find Powder before she gets into something."
"Probably a good idea." Caitlyn was saddened when Vi's hands pulled away from her face. The feeling didn't last long as Vi took her hand, interlocking their fingers. Vi's calloused thumb ran circles over the back of Caitlyn’s hand, sending warmth spreading through her whole body.
Caitlyn didn't like herself very much, but with Vi at her side she felt like maybe one day she could.