Archive of Our Own ^beta

Regret was a powerful thing.

It flooded Kaoru, coursing through his veins like ice as he ran desperately through the station. People were probably staring and commenting but he couldn't care less, the only thing in his mind being the train he had to catch. He ran like the hounds of hell were on his heels, like his life depended on it, because that wasn't far from the truth.

There had to be time. He hadn't screwed everything up, he could still fix this, he could make things right. It was late but he could make it in time if he just got on that train. There had to be--

So Kaoru barreled towards the platform, almost tripping over his own feet, and his phone slipped from his hand, but he couldn't slow down. The sound of it crashing on the floor echoed through the empty station, horribly loud to his ears. Fuck. Someone called after him but Kaoru didn't stop, couldn't stop, heart nearly beating out of his chest.

His steps sounded so damn loud as he rushed down the stairs, barely holding on to the rail. One misstep and Kaoru would fall, but that didn't matter so long as he got there in time.

The train was right there. He could see it, it was so close now, he just--

The train started moving just as he stepped onto the platform.

Kaoru couldn't breathe. His lungs were burning and his legs felt like lead, but none of that mattered. The world was crumbling beneath his feet. What had been a gnawing apprehension, a growing sense of dread and remorse, was now turning into abject despair.

He had to find a way home. Somewhere, somehow, Kaoru had to find a way to get back home before it was too late.

Before he was too late to undo his mistake.

Crying wouldn't help him one bit, so Kaoru swallowed his tears and hurried back up the stairs. The ticket and his gloves were in his hands, clutched tight so he could perhaps stop fucking up and losing things. This night was bad enough as it was.

"Hey, excuse me?" said a man approaching him, holding something out. Once Kaoru looked at him, he said "Think you might want this back. Seems broken, but…"

Kaoru slowed his pace just long enough to take his phone back, or what was left of it. "Thank you," he replied, a little dumbfounded as he looked at the man. This guy had been sitting against the wall and holding a trumpet when he ran past, Kaoru now realized. At least he'd been nice enough to return his phone.

The man smiled kindly, probably able to see from the wealth of evidence over the last five minutes that Kaoru was having a rough time. It was hard to miss. "You're welcome," he offered, sounding almost apologetic, like he felt genuinely bad for Kaoru's shitty night.

That was… nice. A tiny bit of respite amid the shitshow Kaoru was going through.

"Due to port authority security regulations, the station is now closing," said the PA system. "It will reopen at five-thirty a.m."

That, on the other hand, wasn't good. Kaoru hurried over to a janitor pushing his cart nearby, guessing that he'd be able to provide some information. Like, for example, just how fucked Kaoru was at the moment. "Uh, hi, excuse me, what does that mean? The station is closing?"

"Means you gotta leave. No trains 'til morning," said the janitor patiently.

"I can't wait that long," Kaoru said, trying very hard to keep his voice calm.

"There's a line for cabs out front."

Kaoru shifted on his feet, antsy. "Okay, see, I don't need a cab, 'cause I just missed my train and--" he paused, swallowing the tears threatening to emerge, "Can I, uh, can I use this ticket at another station?"

"Won't help," said the janitor, pushing his cart to end the conversation because he had work to do and this wasn't it. "Penn Station is closing too."

The ticket in his hand was as good as trash, then. Sure, Kaoru could use it come morning, but by then it would be too late. What else could he do? There had to be another way, something he could try to do to fix this, Kaoru just had to figure it out.

And maybe he would need a miracle, too.

Kojiro saw the man walk off, clearly desolate, but that was none of his business. The fact that he'd overheard his conversation with the janitor was completely accidental and Kojiro had very politely pretended not to be there the entire time. It looked like he was having a rough night as well.

The message on his phone screen kept taunting him. He'd memorized the address, so the fact that the battery was dangerously low didn't concern him much on that front. Short of a concussion or at least five shots of tequila, there was no way Kojiro would forget it.

What he was going to do about it was a horse of a different color.

He tucked his chef's jacket properly into his backpack, because staring at it wasn't yielding any answers, and also he had to leave. Crippling indecision couldn't win against closing time. Kojiro gathered his belongings, stored his trumpet, put on his suit jacket and coat, then exited the train station into the cold December night.

There were only a few other people outside, likely figuring out their plans for the rest of the night or their commute back home. Kojiro had yet to make up his mind about going to the party, but he needed to go somewhere and he had no set place to crash for the time being. Without his phone, he had no way to ask Oka or Hiromi for a place to stay, a problem that could be easily solved by going to the damn party. The alternative would be to sit out the night, alone with his thoughts in a diner, which actually sounded more pleasant right about now.

Kojiro was standing there, in front of Grand Central with his hands shoved in his pockets as he considered his options, when he spotted the hurried man trying to put his phone back together. The battery had detached when it hit the floor and the whole thing looked unsalvageable. He seemed to need some help, and Kojiro wasn't the kind of person to ignore that. "You sure you're okay?'

The guy stopped poking his broken phone for a moment to look up at him, blinking a few times. "Yeah, I'm-- I'm okay."

That was a blatant lie. Kojiro watched him turn his attention back to his fruitless efforts, as if he just had to try hard enough and the broken phone would be magically fixed. "Can I ask why you're standing out here in the cold?"

"What?" asked the man, confused and upset, but not at Kojiro. He jerked a thumb back over his shoulder. "They closed the station."

"Plan on staying out here all night?"

"My purse was stolen," he replied, more resigned than defensive.

"Oh, damn," said Kojiro, impressed and more than a little sorry for this guy's awful night.

"Yeah. I was in a bar and this is all I have now," he said, waving the slip of paper in his hand with a self deprecating smile. "A broken phone and a thirteen dollar ticket that I can't use because the station just closed."

"Shit," Kojiro replied eloquently. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I'll figure something out. I don't need your pity."

Kojiro chuckled and tilted his head, amused at his seemingly intact pride. "Alright, though I wasn't offering pity. More like splitting a cab," he said, pulling out his wallet. It didn't look very good, but he still had some cash left.

"You can't help me," the man replied tiredly, leaning against a wall and looking away from him.

"Come on, let me do my good deed here. You got your purse stolen and all that," he insisted, because he had to do something. Hell, he would like someone to do the same for him. if he were the one in need. Kojiro counted the money and said "I've got like, uh, eighty bucks? Give or take? How far are you going? And, uh, you got a name?"

His new friend turned to him with narrowed eyes, but he was too dejected for it to land right. Mostly, he just looked defeated. "Cherry. And Boston, give or take."

That changed things, significantly so. Kojiro shut his mouth, nodded like an idiot, and put his wallet back in his pocket, glossing over the strange name for now. Must be an artist or something. "So, north of Harlem, got it," he said and Cherry didn't reply, just staring at the passing cars. There might yet be a solution to his problem, though. "Hang on tight."

"Huh?"

Kojiro walked up to the nearest cab, saying "Excuse me, see this guy? He's gotta go to Boston, like, right now."

"New Haven," Cherry piped in, running over to join Kojiro as he ducked to talk to the cabbie.

"Right, New Haven, and he's had his bag stolen, but he's good for the money, he can pay you when you get there."

Cherry nodded along. "It's an emergency."

The cab driver was unimpressed, to say the least. "Thing is, that's me driving all night, half the morning, pal."

While he was right and that was reasonable, Kojiro could sense the desperation coming off of his new friend. "Hey, come on, man! See how he's dressed? It was a brand bag, too, right?" he said, nudging Cherry with his elbow.

He didn't seem exactly glad to divulge that information, but replied anyway. "Yeah, it was Prada."

"Prada! Big check for you, plus a big tip," argued Kojiro in an attempt to reel him in.

"It's gonna be over a grand," offered the cabbie, unmoved and ready to bleed a man dry, apparently. When Kojiro tried to argue, seeing the look of disappointment on Cherry's face, the cabbie stood his ground. "I did the math, five hundred there, five hundred back. How do I know he's good for it? Want me to trust him?"

Kojiro heard a mumbled 'just forget it' from his side, but he was a stubborn man. Too stubborn on occasion. He handed the cab driver his credit card and waved off Cherry's concern. "You can send me a check tomorrow, man."

"How do you know I'll pay?" asked Cherry, frowning at him.

"When have you not paid me back?" he asked right back with a side smirk.

"Your card declined," said the cab driver, sounding like he'd run out of patience.

Well, fuck. Now he looked like a complete idiot. Kojiro tried handing him another one, saying "That happens sometimes, try this one. I don't use it much."

"Probably 'cause it's expired," replied the cabbie and nearly tossed the card back to him.

"Smartass. You should be a lawyer, not a cab driver," grumbled Kojiro, avoiding Cherry's eyes as he put his useless cards back in his wallet. Great. Just great.

"Hey, look, asshole, your boyfriend's stuck here. No New York cabbie is licensed to operate in Massachusetts. No one's gonna take that risk," the cab driver explained, finding some good will in his heart to at least save them the trouble of asking someone else.

Kojiro picked up his phone, saying "That's fine. I'll call a friend," and then remembered it was dead. "Well, this is embarrassing. No battery."

"Oh, my god. Do you have anything that works?" asked Cherry, disbelieving.

"I'm sorry? Do you see anyone else trying to help? 'Cause I don't," he replied with a scoff. "I have other places to be, believe it or not."

Cherry seemed, deservedly, rather lofty in response. "Alright. Sorry for taking your time."

"Same here," said Kojiro, shoving his hands back in his pockets. He watched Cherry roll his eyes and walk off, his boots clicking on the sidewalk as he headed… probably the wrong way. That didn't seem like a guy who knew his way around New York, judging by what he'd learned about Cherry so far.

Fucking hell.

Kaoru buttoned up his coat, trying to protect himself from the cold night air, and set off to try and find the bar from earlier. Maybe, if he could get his purse back, he could find a cab driver willing to take him home. Or something. There wasn't much else left for him to do, save feeling sorry for himself and thinking about all the things he wished he could change.

This outfit, for example, wasn't suitable for roaming the city alone late at night, he realized. Kaoru suddenly felt very much seen as a group of noticeably drunk guys stumbled his way, kicking trash cans and laughing boisterously. They spotted him, in his fancy coat and high heeled boots, and their attitude changed. Suddenly their attention was laser focused on Kaoru.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

Turning around now sounded like an awful idea. If he kept going, Kaoru was headed straight into danger, but he couldn't run in these shoes. It wasn't like he had a bat and a bunch of friends to rely on anymore. A pit opened in his stomach and every second felt like it lasted a lifetime.

What should he do? They were getting closer and--

"Hey babe, don't walk off on me like that," said the man from the station, slinging an arm around his shoulder and pulling Kaoru closer. His grin seemed almost genuine, holding Kaoru tight like they were really lovers.

The strange men traded a look and laughed again, watching them with less interest and more curiosity now. The distinction was very important to Kaoru at the moment, and probably to this insistently kind man as well. Suspiciously kind, even.

"If shit like that happens, just keep your eyes straight ahead and walk fast," said his savior, keeping his voice low. He glanced back over his shoulder and kept his arm around Kaoru, which must mean those men were still around, but he seemed a little more relaxed now.

"Thank you," Kaoru said, just a little shaky. Maybe he wouldn't even notice, or would chalk it up to the cold, but he probably knew - his response was a short nod and a quiet 'sure' that sounded honestly reassuring as Kaoru pulled away from his embrace. "I still don't know your name."

"Nanjo Kojiro," he replied. It sounded like home. Kaoru was so thrown off by the way his accent slipped and it made him forget what city he was in for a beat. He hadn't questioned the name Kaoru gave him, for some reason, but offered his like they were new friends.

Maybe it was hearing his mother tongue coming from this guy, or maybe it was his fragile emotional state, but something drove Kaoru to an unusual level of formality then. "Right. I'm sorry about earlier, it was very rude of me and I shouldn't have acted like that," he said with a bow. It was the least he could do.

Kojiro shifted on his feet, clearly unprepared for this, but he was smiling a little when Kaoru looked up. "Nah, it's fine. Been there, and rough nights are just… like that. May come as a surprise to you, but my credit cards worked fine yesterday."

Kaoru had no real response to that. Now that he'd set things straight, he had no real idea what to do or where to go. It was late, his day had been long and he felt horrible. The threat of things getting considerably worse loomed over his head like the sharp edge of a blade, and Kaoru would really like to get off the chopping block.

"So, what now? Get a hotel room or something like that?"

He turned to Kojiro with his eyes wide, acutely aware of his blushing cheeks on such a cold night. Was that his endgame? Was he insane to think this would work? "Excuse me?!"

Kojiro blinked a couple of times before he realized how his words had sounded. At least he had the sense to raise his hands and keep a safe-ish distance. "No, no, not like that! Not for us, for you! You can't stay out here all night," he rushed to explain, then scratched the back of his head pensively. "Or not, up to you."

The thing was, his logic was sound. Standing there in the middle of a random street served no purpose whatsoever and Kaoru had to start considering finding a place to sleep. At some point he would need to rest.

"Unless you got any friends here? Anyone that can help you?" asked Kojiro.

Kaoru briefly considered lying, but decided he might as well be honest with this guy, at least about this. If Kojiro could help him in any way, he should probably accept that and not be a huge bitch about it. "No, I don't have any friends in the city, and now I don't have a phone either. All of my stuff was in that purse. I've got nothing."

"Well, we can go look for your purse back at the bar," Kojiro suggested with a shrug.

Now that was just ludicrous. "Because purse snatchers just like to leave them where they found them?"

Kojiro snorted. "Or they just took the cash and ditched the purse, 'cause it's easier or something. It could still be there, in the trash."

"Really?" asked Kaoru, feeling like he should have thought of that and angry at himself for not doing so.

"You remember where the bar was?"

"I think so? It was downtown," he replied, trying to recall the name. The bloom of hope in Kaoru's chest was pathetic and it must have shown on his face, but he didn't mind. That was better than nothing. "The name began with an L?"

"That's a lead and downtown is where I'm headed," said Kojiro easily, like he wasn't lying through his teeth. His relaxed stance, with his hands casually in his pockets and big bags slung across his chest, made him seem so cool and trustworthy. Then he undermined himself, adding "Come on, it'll be an adventure."

Kaoru couldn't help but suspect it. "That's where you're headed," he repeated and didn't try very hard to hide his sarcasm. It earned him nothing but another amicable shrug and a sheepish smile. "Let's go, then," he said, continuing down the street they were in.

Kojiro didn't follow him. "Yeah. Downtown's this way," he said, calmly nodding back the way they'd come from. It was hard for Kaoru to argue with that, considering his track record so far. How had even found his way back to Grand Central?

Something was becoming increasingly clear to Kaoru as he chuckled in embarrassment and started walking side by side with Kojiro. At some point tonight he would have to swallow his pride and admit he was a walking disaster, at least for the time being. Not yet, but sooner rather than later.

The bar was pretty nice. Not super expensive, just cool and elegant enough for a stylish guy from out of town to go get a drink on his own. It looked like the kind of place where many fancy purses mysteriously disappeared while their owners were having lively drunken chats, because Kojiro had been to a lot of those himself.

At least the bathroom wasn't super gross. Perks of a downtown bar where the counter isn't permanently sticky and there is no TV playing whatever sport is on that night. There was, however, no purse to be found in the trash in the men's room.

He met with Cherry outside the ladies' room, because with hair like that and such a pretty face, nobody even batted an eye. Especially not in a bar like this, with a noticeably more open minded or visibly queer crowd. It was probably why Cherry had picked this place to begin with. "Any luck?"

"Nothing. What now?"

Kojiro considered his options, then said "I have an idea."

Five minutes later, they were sitting at the counter and the bartender was making them both drinks. "Sorry, it hasn't turned up," he was saying as he poured some gin. "But hey, maybe it will."

"That's pretty much what the cops said," retorted Kojiro with his arms crossed over the counter, watching the guy move behind the bar as he nodded sagely and commiserated with them about the shittiness of police. Cherry kept quiet, but it was clear he was a bit restless and unsure about this. "Funnily enough, they also told us about some cases where these guys lifted purses and the bartender knew something," he said a bit pointedly, but keeping his tone friendly.

The bartender didn't show any outward signs of discomfort, which told Kojiro way more than if he had been offended by his implication. Instead he just kept working as usual, fixing someone else's order. "Why do police work when you can talk shit, right?"

"Yeah, exactly. It's just that, if you happened to remember something, I bet there would be some pretty handsome gratuity," continued Kojiro, giving the guy his best 'boy scout' look and making himself as small as possible in his seat. There was an art to this kind of thing.

It seemed to work, because the bartender frowned for a moment before turning to Cherry. "Prada, you said?"

"It has sentimental value," he offered, perking up in his seat and looking hopefully back at the guy. "I would pay a lot to get it back."

"Right," said the bartender, looking between the two of them. He grabbed the pair of drinks he'd just finished making and walked off, saying "Gimme a sec."

Kojiro waited until he wasn't within earshot to speak up. "Nice touch there."

"It's true," replied Cherry, touching his temples while adjusting his glasses and sighing heavily. Then he turned more towards Kojiro, looking all earnest and serious again. "I just wanna say, I really appreciate you doing this. This was probably not how you planned to spend the night, poking through filthy bar trash cans."

"I'm very adaptable," he replied, digging into the complimentary peanuts. There was no need to make a big deal out of it.

Cherry still seemed uncomfortable with accepting help, his look a bit downcast. "Didn't you say there were other things you could be doing?" he asked, not unkindly.

"And miss this?" retorted Kojiro with his most charming smile, but Cherry just stared at him and waited patiently for him to stop bullshitting. It was just his nature, really, but the fact that Cherry was fun to poke was an added benefit. "I came here for a job interview. It's tomorrow and I was just playing at Grand Central 'cause it helps me relax."

"Oh. So, you're not a musician. Professionally, I mean," said Cherry with a wince at the end, nodding at his case, and offered Kojiro an apologetic smile. It was kind of sweet, actually.

He didn't mind at all, waving it off. "Sadly, no. Music is just one of my other passions."

"I don't think I've ever seen a trumpet player outside of a movie."

Kojiro faked offense, giving him a dirty look. "Not your thing?"

Cherry narrowed his peculiar, golden eyes and then loosened up, cracking a small smile and relaxing his shoulders just a little. That was a sign that he was starting to catch on to the ribbing. "I like it, a bit. What do you play? Jazz?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"The one song I know is My Funny Valentine. Sinatra's version, which I sometimes sing if I'm drunk enough," said Cherry, looking momentarily wistful and like he hadn't meant to talk about that. The silence lingered as he trailed off and turned his gaze down to his drink, seeming to fetch for another subject. "What do you do, then?"

"I'm a chef, professionally," replied Kojiro, happy to oblige. This topic was mostly safe, anyway.

"I can't cook, at all," said Cherry, toying with his glass more than drinking from it. He sounded almost ashamed of admitting that. "I've tried a lot, even cooked for a date once. Fettuccine al pesto. It didn't go well."

"No, really?" asked Kojiro and it came out just a tad too sarcastic. Just enough that he felt the need to raise his hands and chuckle awkwardly. "Sorry."

Cherry rolled his eyes and sipped his drink. There was a spark in his eyes, though, amused and not at all offended. "He threw up an hour later. That was the end of my cooking career."

Kojiro laughed a little. What else was he supposed to do? Cherry didn't seem to mind, though. "What was the next career?"

"I'm an art consultant. I came here to buy a painting, actually," he replied, looking at the bottles on display with too much interest. There was something there, it seemed, but Kojiro wasn't sure if he wanted to pry.

Well, not much, at least. "Cool. What was the piece?"

"I don't know if you'd know it," replied Cherry with a side glance at him.

He opened his mouth to contest this, then huffed in embarrassment. "Touché. Then… who's your favorite painter?" said Kojiro, scrambling for something else to say. "Or wouldn't I know them either?"

Cherry raised both eyebrows and seemed like he was going to mock him, but then he just turned back with an amused smile. "No, but if I told you that, I'd lose all credibility."

"Aw, that's not fair. You gotta tell me now!" complained Kojiro in his most exaggerated schoolgirl impression, which made his new friend laugh. Finally, something that worked on him.

"You're terrible!"

Before Kojiro could retort or Cherry could take that back - he seemed a little formal, in general, and that was unbecoming - the bartender returned. "This may be our lucky night, after all. Had to do some sweet talking, cash in a few favors, but…" he trailed off, scribbling an address on a napkin.

"Wait, so I just have to go here--" started Cherry, sounding the most hopeful he had so far.

"It's a shitty neighborhood," said Kojiro pointedly, only glancing at him for a second but it was enough to see how his face fell. It was best to say it now, like ripping off a bandaid, than let Cherry get all worked up on a gamble.

The bartender stared at them, unamused. "What did you expect?"

Kojiro picked up his stuff and motioned for Cherry to do the same, though he didn't have much on him. This was the tricky part. Maybe they should have discussed this beforehand, but it was a bit late for that now. "Okay. Thank you, man."

The staring continued, slowly but surely turning into a glare. "Was that helpful?"

"Very much so," he replied, trying to delay the inevitable. Mostly because this guy deserved to have his time wasted if he was going to get paid on top of being shitty.

"I think he wants gratitude," supplied Cherry while looking away, suddenly very interested in literally anything else.

"Group hug? Big kiss?" offered Kojiro for the hell of it.

"I believe the words were 'handsome gratuity'," the bartender said pointedly, in what was now a less than amicable tone of voice.

Kojiro reached for his wallet, hesitated for a moment, then decided he might as well try. "Do you take credit cards?"

They left the bar as fast as they could, stepping out into the street before the bartender decided he wasn't satisfied with his payment.

It took Cherry all of five seconds to prove he couldn't be left to do this on his own. "I'm going this way, then," he said, sounding far less confident this time and pointing in the wrong direction.

He wasn't going to hold this against Cherry, since the guy was having a rough time and was probably tired, but Kojiro almost wanted to laugh. Only almost, because he felt honestly sorry for him. "Nope, you convinced me. We are going this way, which is the right way," said Kojiro, leaning in the opposite direction, again. "I'm not gonna let you go alone."

"Look, I really am grateful--"

"And lost."

"But you had somewhere to go."

"It's a shitty neighborhood, Cherry."

He hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek, then said "Are you sure you wanna come with me?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Thank you," said Cherry, lips in a thin line. They started walking down the street side by side again, with him fidgeting with his gloves, before he added "My husband will be very grateful as well. You're helping me so much, and--"

"You don't need to do this," Kojiro cut him off, not really trying to be rude but also not in the mood to hear his spiel. All in all, he was a bit surprised that Cherry was even giving it to him, but he supposed he'd earned this crap. So he just kept his hands in his coat pockets and rolled with it.

"What?"

"The husband thing."

Cherry sighed deeply. Since he didn't leave or anything, that was probably not out of line. "No offense, but you were being so nice. Too nice, even."

"None taken," replied Kojiro, then scoffed. "Nice."

With a very dramatic eye roll and zero subtlety, Cherry switched topics again. "So, where were you going tonight? Something to do with that job interview?"

Kojiro thought about it for a second. "Not… not exactly."

They walked across a street in silence, paying attention to traffic. One of the many joys of New York late at night. There were so many people still, or in some cases already, out and about. It brought back memories for him, good and bad ones.

"You know when you can't make up your mind about whether or not you should do something?" asked Kojiro, almost laughing at himself for his silly reasoning. "So you ask the universe to give you a sign, just, something that will help you decide."

"Is the interview the thing you're unsure about, or is it the sign?"

"It's the sign. There's this really traditional Italian restaurant here in the city, Antonucci's, ever heard of it?"

"No, sorry."

"It's okay. Anyway, Antonucci's finally has an opening and it's my kind of place, you know? It's not too big, not too high end, and it's my wheelhouse, so I decided to give it a shot," explained Kojiro and he was pleased to note that Cherry was actually listening intently to his rambling. Not out of politeness, but with what seemed like genuine interest. It was refreshing.

Cherry nodded thoughtfully. "And what was the thing?"

"What thing?" he asked, confused out of his amazement.

"You asked for a sign to decide if you should do a thing--"

"Right, the thing! It's, uh…" Kojiro took a deep breath. He wasn't even sure why it was so hard to admit this, but it was. "It's a wedding."

There was a long silence between them, then Cherry looked at him very seriously. "Are you going to stop a wedding?"

Kojiro was caught by surprise, which he really shouldn't have given the way it had sounded. "No, nothing like that," he replied with a scoff. "It's complicated. There was someone I wanted to see."

Cherry bit his lip, almost smiling but apparently fighting very hard not to. "The groom?" he asked, leaning just a bit conspiratorially towards him.

That was a valid guess. "Nope."

The smile grew on Cherry's face. "The bride."

This time, it got a chuckle out of Kojiro. "No."

Demonstrating a commendable level of politeness and self control, Cherry didn't prod any further. The smile vanished after a little bit, leaving only the click of his heels between them.

Kojiro wished he wasn't so damn curious, and that his new friend hadn't brought this up, because now he had to ask. "What about you? Purse was a gift from your husband, I take it."

"Yeah, it was," said Cherry with a sad sigh, hugging himself tighter in the cold.

"Aren't you missing a little something?" he asked, holding up his left hand and pointedly rubbing his thumb over his bare ring finger. It was meant to be subtle, or at least not sound like an outright accusation, but words weren't Kojiro's forte.

He half expected Cherry to yell at him, or at least be openly offended, but he turned to Kojiro with his lips pursed and looked… sad. Maybe a little ashamed, maybe a little guilty, but not in the way most people in his situation would. "My ring is being repaired in Boston," he replied, without turning away this time.

"Alright. Whatever you say," replied Kojiro and felt a little bad for putting him in the spot like that, so it was easier to watch the cars passing by.

Cherry kept looking at him. "You don't believe me."

Now Kojiro thought that he should have kept his mouth shut, because the guy looked really, really torn up about it. "It's none of my business."

Neither of them spoke for a while after that, walking in silence for several blocks.

They were probably in Chinatown, judging by the store signs, and Kaoru would have never found this place by himself. With his luck, he'd get so lost that he'd end up in Coney Island by accident or something, and that was being generous and optimistic. Very optimistic. He liked to plan things out in advance, to do things by the book and iron out the tiniest details until everything was perfect. This? This was the opposite of that and Kaoru was so far off his game tonight that he couldn't even imagine dealing with this situation alone.

He was so thankful for Kojiro's help that it overshadowed just how distraught Kaoru was by his comment about the ring earlier. The guy was intense and a little too much sometimes, but he was helping Kaoru with all of this despite what it apparently looked like.

There was also the pang in his heart, which had been growing all night and now had turned nearly unbearable. Walking in silence had only left Kaoru to dwell on it, on how wrong this was and how badly he needed to fix things.

"And this is the place," said Kojiro, taking him out of his thoughts. His eyebrows arched as he looked at a nondescript entrance leading to a green gate with a buzzer and nothing more. It was stuck between two small stores, both open, and there were a few guys hanging out in front of one of them, but nobody else in sight. "Crap. Okay, let me handle this. You said it was a black Prada bag, wasn't it?"

It was like the place was covered in red flags. Every alarm bell in existence was ringing in Kaoru's head and he shook his head immediately. "We should call the police, Kojiro."

"Sure, if you want your bag back… sometime next month?" he replied easily, eyeing the place with his hands still in his pockets. "Anything that can help me find your purse?"

Kaoru hesitated for a moment, concerned that he might change his mind about helping, but so far Kojiro had been incredible, nosy comment notwithstanding. It would have to be fine, since they'd come all the way here already and he didn't look like the type to back down from anything. "Look inside, on the tag. It has the initials SK scribbled there in kid's handwriting."

Kojiro raised his eyebrows at him, looking like he wasn't exactly surprised by it. There was even a hint of a smirk on his face, just waiting for Kaoru to spill the beans. "SK, huh?"

"They're my initials, my stepson wrote it," he admitted with a long-suffering sigh and Kojiro looked so pleased with himself. He had the most punchable grin sometimes, it was driving Kaoru mad. Hopefully he wouldn't recognize the name and ask even more questions. "My actual name is Sak-- Shindo Kaoru. Used to be Sakurayashiki."

"Why did you lie?" asked Kojiro, laughing a little at the situation they were in. It eased Kaoru's mind quite a bit, because he could have never done any of this by himself and the company wasn't that bad either.

"Some random guy is strangely intent on helping me, a walking target in an unfamiliar city with no documents, no cash, no nothing?" retorted Kaoru, listing the obvious reasons on his fingers. "Why wouldn't I lie?"

"Okay, okay, so why Cherry?"

That… was a loaded question, one with a long, winded answer. Kaoru opted to give him the short version, unsure if he wanted to open that particular can of worms tonight. His night was already going so well, after all. "My friends used to call me that way, back in college."

Kojiro sobered up a bit, probably picking up from his tone of voice that this was a sensitive subject. His grin vanished and he took a deep breath, handing Kaoru his bag and trumpet case. "We really need to work on our communication, Kaoru. You go that way, two blocks down, there's a bar called Gaffney's. Wait for me there."

Kaoru looked at him, then at the stuff in his hands. "Wait, how much cash do you have left?"

He patted his pockets like he couldn't find his wallet, bobbing his head from side to side in consideration. "Tough, personal question there. Some forty bucks?"

"You're gonna do something crazy," Kaoru realized and the sheepish grin that was immediately plastered on the dimwit's face made things even worse. "You are!"

"Thanks for not saying 'stupid', it means a lot to me," replied Kojiro, nowhere near as concerned as he should be.

"What, you're just gonna grab it and run? Is that your plan?"

Kojiro looked around at the street they were in, casually scoping things out for that eventuality. "Don't have a plan. But that's the fun part, isn't it?"

In that moment, his face was bright with undue excitement and he looked younger, like he was just a reckless teenager acting without thinking. He reminded Kaoru of long nights having fun under overpasses, of being chased by cops and the adrenaline coursing through his veins when he got a cool trick right. It reminded him of the weight of a skateboard under his arm, of someone he used to be a long time ago.

"Go," said Kojiro, smiling at him as he nodded towards the bar, and Kaoru couldn't help smiling back.

He stood there, watching Kojiro go up to the suspicious door, and then did as he was told.

There was a payphone less than a block away and Kaoru didn't think twice about it. His heart was aching and he needed to do something, anything, to make it better. Placing Kojiro's things on top of the phone, he dialed the number from memory.

"Hello, Four Seasons Atlanta."

"Uh, Ainosuke Shindo's room, please."

The receptionist politely asked him to wait and Kaoru fidgeted with the phone cord, feeling the beating of his heart like thunder in his chest. Everything would be fine, he could make things better, all he needed to do was speak to his husband and… he would think of something. Kaoru knew he would figure something out once-- "Hello?"

"Hi, baby," said Kaoru, trying not to sound shaky.

"What's going on? Everything okay?" asked a very confused Ainosuke, but he didn't sound sleepy at all.

"I'm fine, I just… couldn't sleep," he replied, closing his eyes and taking his glasses off for just a second. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth. "And I-- I just wanted to say that… I love you."

"Aw, honey. I love you too. How was New York? Did you make the buy?"

Kaoru felt himself smile a little, reassured by the normalcy of the conversation. His hands were still shaking but everything would be fine, he would be fine. Talking about work helped calm his nerves a bit, if nothing else because it meant focusing on that rather than this mess. "Yeah, I did. For two-two-five," he replied softly, wary of his surroundings.

Ainosuke whistled. "Wow."

"Yeah. It feels great to be done with that. I've been working on this deal for so long…"

"Of course," said his husband, and Kaoru could almost see him pausing to take a drag of his cigarette. Just thinking about it made him nauseous. "Congratulations. Why didn't you reply to my message?"

His heart stopped. Kaoru could swear he felt it, the cold turning sharper around him all of a sudden. "I-- I couldn't, my phone broke. What message?"

"That explains why you called the hotel," said Ainosuke, drawing out the words just a little. What was that in his voice, excitement or annoyance? It was so hard to tell with him sometimes, as Ainosuke could be both very cold and extremely intense at the same time. "There's been a change of plans. I'm taking the first flight home, so I should arrive by eight and we can have a little breakfast celebration."

Kaoru's lips trembled and he had to remind himself to breathe. "That's so early, it's already two a.m.," he said and his mind was racing for the right thing to say. What could he do now? How could he stop this from happening? "Don't you just wanna relax for a bit? Weren't you on a later flight?"

"I can sleep on the plane. There's no need to stay here any longer than I need to."

"But you've been working so hard, won't you be tired that way? You should get some sleep, so you'll be rested when you get home and--"

"Kaoru, the flight's booked," Ainosuke cut him off and ice coursed through his veins. His tone was final, short and straight to the point. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, n-nothing," Kaoru hurried to assure Ainosuke, fending off the wave of panic threatening to drown him as best as he could. "I'm just… really tired."

"Poor thing. Go to sleep, baby," ordered his husband, leaving no room for argument. "I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

And just like that, the world crumbled around Kaoru as a police siren blared somewhere nearby.

This probably ranked among the stupidest, most reckless things Kojiro had done in his life, and he'd done some really questionable shit. Like spending two weeks illegally bunking with the friend of a friend in the Czech Republic during his first year of college, breaking into an abandoned mansion to truly pay his respects to the origins of skateboarding, and moving to New York that one time. This city did things to people and he wasn't exactly fond of it anymore. He didn't really regret it, or any of that other stuff, but he wasn't jazzed about some of it either.

Case in point, a big, burly dude opened the gate - which had a pretty heavy lock - and gave him a once over. "You the one who lost a purse?" he asked and it didn't sound like a joke, despite his choice of words.

"Yeah, and my whole outfit falls apart without it," replied Kojiro, making the guy roll his eyes.

The guy led him into the building, through a sweatshop where several women were working. Most of them were middle aged or older, cutting and sewing knockoffs of expensive purses. There was no time or reason to dwell on this past feeling a vague sense of wrongness; Kojiro wasn't naive or innocent enough to think he could do anything about any of this. This was just what New York often looked like for poor people, especially immigrants, and he was one of the lucky ones.

They went into a room in the back where there were several bags and purses strewn about. Another man had been waiting for them there, leaning against a wall, and there was a passage leading into another area.

If Kojiro wanted to grab the purse and run, he'd probably have to make it back the same way he'd come. Could he unlock the door and get out before these guys caught him? Doubtful, but there was a good chance he'd have to try. Could he take them both on? Maybe. Kojiro had no issue getting into a fight, morally speaking, and he could hold his own pretty well. He made up for a lack of training with his size and flexibility, but that was not the problem here. Two against one, with Kaoru waiting for him, without having any idea if there were more guys in the building? That was a level of stupid Kojiro hadn't yet reached.

He'd talked his way into this mess, so maybe he could talk his way out as well.

"All Prada, all tonight," said the first guy, showing him the pile of purses. Not like he was proud of the yield of their hard work, but more like he wanted Kojiro to get this over with as quickly as possible. For once, the feeling was mutual. "Tyler said you know the bag."

"Yeah," he replied, looking around the room. There were only a few black purses, at least, so hopefully he would find the right one fast. "You wouldn't happen to have the credit cards at hand, huh?"

The guy just stood by, watching with his arms crossed. "We don't do wallets, man."

"Of course not, 'cause that would be beneath you," grumbled Kojiro. Opening each purse to check didn't take nearly as long as he'd thought it would, and luckily by the sixth bag he hit the jackpot. There it was, black Prada purse with a tag that read SK. Now all he needed to do was manage to leave with the bag and in one piece. "I like this one."

"Special price today, nine hundred," said the guy and, when Kojiro turned to him with a frown, he added "That's the number I gave Tyler."

Time to bluff his way out of this shithole. Kojiro didn't flinch, didn't hesitate and didn't look away. "Yeah, and I paid him. What is this, some sort of shakedown?"

The first guy worked his jaw for a second, then nodded at the second one, saying "Call him."

"Oh, great, great!" said Kojiro, trying to look between them but having a hard time at it because they were standing on opposite sides of the room. That was pretty basic shit, but there wasn't much he could do about it. "You call him, dude says I didn't pay, and I get screwed!"

A buzzer rang in the room they were in.

Kojiro turned, and presumably the two guys did as well, to see a small black and white screen on a table off to the side. It showed two police officers in uniform, knocking at a different door from the one Kojiro had entered the building through.

Fuck.

Everything happened very fast after that. The first guy punched Kojiro in the face before he could do anything. Kojiro slumped over the table where the purses were displayed, then got pushed out of the way by the second guy. They quickly grabbed their product and bolted, leaving Kojiro groaning in pain and empty handed.

The cops found him with his nose bleeding and that was probably the only reason why he didn't get arrested. Lucky him. They just asked him some questions, gave him a funny look when he mentioned his 'girlfriend's' purse and pretended to take note of it all. As useful as ever.

Several minutes later, Kojiro was with Cherry - Kaoru - exiting a small store back onto the street. He had some frozen peas pressed to his face, obscuring his eyes, and cotton shoved up his nose, which meant he was blindly following Kaoru around for a bit. The upside, he supposed, was that someone else was carrying his stuff for the time being.

Kojiro was trying to focus on the bright side of this entire event. It was… surprisingly easy, with Kaoru there. Ironic, some would say.

"I feel like an idiot, I'm so, so sorry," he was saying and it sounded pretty genuine. "You have your thing and now, well, you look…"

"Homeless?" provided Kojiro, though that felt a bit cruel and didn't land right, only getting an awkward chuckle out of Kaoru. He had to do some maneuvering to look at his friend, mostly out of the corner of his eye because of the huge bag of frozen peas still pressed to his nose. "Tough?"

"I'm not so sure about that one either," Kaoru replied amusedly, then he turned serious again. "I really am sorry for sending the cops in, I just thought that--"

"What, that I couldn't get beat up all by myself?" asked Kojiro and his voice sounded weirdly nasal as he pulled the peas away.

"No, that I assumed you could manage on your own," Kaoru assured him with a straight face, staunchly ignoring the removal of the bloody cotton. "I just thought that you were in over your head."

At least Kojiro's nose had already stopped bleeding and it wasn't broken. The pain of a broken nose was very different and kind of hard to forget. He tossed the gross cotton away in the nearest trash can, saying "Ugh. What does it take to win your trust, mister Cherry?"

He didn't reply, looking down at the sidewalk. In fact, he sighed when he heard the name, like it hurt for some reason.

"We've lost the purse, so back to the drawing board."

"It doesn't matter anymore, there's nothing else I can do," said Kaoru quietly, lifting his head but not turning to Kojiro. The defeat was clear in his voice, in the slouch of his shoulders. "It was over when I missed that train."

"What's over?" asked Kojiro, just as softly.

His reply was almost a whisper. "My marriage."

That was unexpected, the sheer desolation and hopelessness in his voice betraying just how much he'd still hoped to make things right. It came as no surprise that something was wrong in his marriage to begin with, but Kaoru was clearly deeply invested in fixing it now, or at least not letting it end just yet. This wasn't just a guy having a spur of the moment affair and immediately getting second thoughts - the foundation of his relationship was probably already rotten long before this trip.

"I had to get home before he did."

Kojiro kept his voice low and asked the obvious follow-up question. "He doesn't know you're in New York?"

Kaoru glanced at him with a frown, though their eyes didn't meet. "No, it's just… complicated."

"Got it," he replied, not expecting much else. There was a little judgment in his voice, Kojiro couldn't help it, but he also felt bad for Kaoru.

This time it seemed to hit a nerve. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well," Kojiro started, turning to find narrow, golden eyes aimed at him. "I can put two and two together. Wedding ring is missing, you gotta get home before he does, you're in New York without telling him…" he trailed off with a wave, because it seemed like an open and shut case from his perspective.

The hurt and offended look on Kaoru's face told him otherwise. He stopped walking and glared at Kojiro. "Are you accusing me of having an affair? To my face?"

The thing was, he kind of was doing just that, but being on the other end of that expression made him feel like shit. Kaoru certainly looked like he felt horrible and he hated to contribute to him feeling that way. "No, I-- it just seems that way, from where I'm standing. It's okay, people make mistakes," said Kojiro despite not actually believing that, just to comfort him.

"If you got it all figured out, then why wouldn't I just call my boyfriend and have him help me out?" Kaoru asked, gesturing angrily with the bags in his hand.

"I don't know," replied Kojiro with a shrug, as he hadn't really thought about that yet. "Maybe he doesn't know you're married."

Kaoru didn't even blink. He smacked Kojiro's trumpet case against his leg, probably aiming for his dick, and stomped off in anger. Thankfully it didn't hurt that much because Kaoru missed all of the important bits, but it left Kojiro scrambling to grab his stuff before it fell to the ground.

This was probably the part where he called it a night and they parted ways, with Kojiro going back to feeling sorry for himself and drowning in indecision, all while Kaoru likely resigned himself to his marriage ending. That was the most logical step from here, but he couldn't. He just couldn't leave Kaoru like that, alone and hurt in a strange city. Kojiro would never forgive himself, and he felt guilty for adding more fuel to the pyre. That was what made him rush after Kaoru, grabbing his arm and saying "Wait, wait, come on."

"What do you want?" he retorted brusquely, brushing his hand off as he walked away backwards to glare at Kojiro some more. "Thanks for the help, is that what you wanna hear? There, it's over, now you can go back to doing whatever you were doing before I came around to ruin your night."

He sure could sound mean when he wanted to. Still, Kojiro reached for Kaoru's arm again to stop him in his tracks, then stood in front of him with his most earnest look. "Just stop for a second. You didn't ruin my night, it was absolute garbage long before you showed up. I was hiding out in Grand Central, trying to avoid…" Kojiro trailed off with a deep sigh, then shook his head and looked Kaoru in the eyes. "My night can't get any better, but yours can. If we can get you home in time and save your marriage, then…"

Kaoru raised both eyebrows at him.

"Then I'll be a hero," he admitted, aware that this kind of ruined his knight in shining armor schtick.

Since Kaoru neither slapped him nor stormed off, that should count as a win. A small win, but Kojiro really would take anything he could get tonight.

"Right now, I wouldn't pass on that opportunity. So, I don't mean to prod," and Kaoru shot him a disbelieving look, "but the gist is that you gotta get home tonight, isn't it?"

He sighed but visibly relented. "Yes."

"Okay, let's see then. What time do you have to be home by?"

"At the very latest, seven."

Nodding along, Kojiro did some quick math in his head and it sounded doable. "That means you gotta leave around three thirty, four at the most? We've got time," he said, offering his arm.

Kaoru was silent for a while, considering his words. There was a glint of unshed tears in his eyes and he was probably sorting through a lot of emotions right then and there. It was a gamble and they both knew it, with no real plan and only the faintest hope of finding a way to get him home in time, but it was better than nothing.

Kojiro was a big believer in not settling for nothing, in sticking by people's sides and fighting for what mattered. The fact that he'd been in a similar spot once, seeing his relationship sink right in front of him, made him determined to help Kaoru now. Besides, he liked Kaoru, who seemed like a decent person and was kind of fun to be around, so it would break his heart to see this end badly.

"Okay," Kaoru replied with a tentative, sad smile. He took Kojiro's arm, and they started walking together.

They found a payphone a few blocks down.

Leaning against it while Kojiro made the call, Kaoru couldn't help but wonder how he'd ended up here. For some reason, the turmoil inside his chest felt less overwhelming with him there. He chose to focus on the current plan rather than investigate that feeling for the time being.

"Carmel Car Service? Hi, how much to Boston if we leave within the hour?" a thoughtful pause, then "That the best you can do? Alright, thank you."

"What did they say?" asked Kaoru, unsure what to expect after that insane cab fare.

"Four-forty-seven, all in."

That was a lot of money, considering the situation at hand. "Can we raise that?"

"I think so. We can go to the party and ask my friends for help, they'll help us figure something out," said Kojiro as he looked around like he might just find some cash randomly on the curb. He grabbed his bag of peas from where he'd placed them, on top of the payphone, and they started walking again. This time they were headed for the subway, it seemed.

"Oh, wow. That would be…" Kaoru exhaled, feeling like it was the first real sign of hope he'd had in hours. Or maybe it was just that this night seemed painfully long. "Amazing."

"You can thank me later," replied Kojiro without an ounce of innuendo, tossing the peas into an open dumpster.

The silliness of it all hit Kaoru and he chuckled tiredly. "Am I dressed well enough for a wedding?"

"It's just a reception now. Hope my friends are still there."

They walked for another block before Kaoru decided to press the issue, just for fun. "You didn't answer my question."

Kojiro seemed confused, arching an eyebrow at him. "I didn't?"

"About my outfit."

He smirked as they got into the station, pulling out his wallet. "I'd say so, yeah. You look really nice."

Kaoru smiled despite himself, shamelessly pleased after fishing for a compliment. "So do you."

The bright lights of the subway station hurt his eyes a bit. Neither of them said anything while they waited at the platform, standing next to each other like old friends. Perhaps they could have been, in another life, because Kojiro seemed like the kind of person Kaoru would have befriended years ago. He and Cherry Blossom would have gotten along like a house on fire, but Kaoru wasn't that person anymore. All of that had stayed behind in Okinawa.

There was a piece of him missing, he knew, but such was life.

He found himself pushing his hair back, behind his ears, and his fingers lingered for just a moment where his piercings used to be. Then Kaoru noticed that Kojiro was looking at him and, rather than saying something, simply avoided his gaze.

They got into the subway car and, without talking about it, sat in separate seats instead of side by side. There were only a couple of people in there along with them, but Kaoru sat perpendicular to Kojiro and poked him with his foot. "Play something. Let's see if I can recognize it," he said, taking his heavy coat off.

"Okay, let me think," said Kojiro as he took the trumpet out of its case. It was a beautiful instrument, golden polished metal looking particularly shiny in his tanned hands. To see such a tall, muscular man playing something like that, making such amazing music, was quite an experience. It must be even more interesting to see him cooking.

The song he was playing wasn't quite what Kaoru was expecting. It was very unlike the slow, smooth jazz Ainosuke usually had playing at their parties for their important guests. That wasn't even the kind of music his husband liked personally, but it was fancy and elegant and that was what mattered. What Kojiro was playing had a lot more life to it, and Kaoru actually kind of liked it.

Nobody else batted an eye at the impromptu concert, because this was New York City.

"That was so good. You can actually play!" Kaoru said, clapping politely, just to piss him off and see Kojiro give him a dirty look.

"Oh wow, thanks. 'No offense', 'none taken'! There, skipped that for you," he replied haughtily. "Don't know the song, then?"

Kaoru shook his head. "My knowledge of jazz is mostly Sinatra stuff and stuff like Stan Getz."

Kojiro scrunched his face in disgust, even sticking out his tongue for effect, which made Kaoru giggle like an idiot. "Not my thing, sorry."

"It's not mine, either," mumbled Kaoru, looking at his hands for a moment and wishing he had his ring there. Maybe that would help with how he felt, though it was ironic to miss it now. "You said it helps you relax?"

"Relax, focus, think of recipes," agreed Kojiro, kindly ignoring his comment. "Like what I should make for my interview tomorrow."

Right. That was a thing, wasn't it? "Have you picked yet?"

"I don't know, maybe I'll make fettuccine al pesto," said the asshole, kicking his foot playfully. It made Kaoru laugh again, trying to protect his boots from the dirty soles of Kojiro's shoes. "Enough about me. Tell me something about yourself, mystery man."

Kaoru blinked at him in surprise, but he supposed that was fair. He had nothing to hide, talking to Kojiro was nice, and it may even make him feel a little bit better. Where to start, though, and what to say? "Uh, let's see. I'm an only child from a relatively small city down south."

Kojiro grinned at him. "You're from Okinawa too, aren't you?"

"I thought I'd recognized your accent, but you sound too American most of the time now," replied Kaoru and he couldn't put a name to what he was feeling. Somehow, in a world this big, in such a massive and cold city, he'd met someone from Okinawa. How likely was that? The homesickness in his heart made him look away in self defense. "I haven't been back in a long time."

"Why did you leave? If you don't mind, of course," Kojiro asked softly, taking some pity on a man being emotional in public transit.

Everything always came back to this, in the end. All of the big decisions in his life, all of the things that weighed heavily on Kaoru's mind, always traced back to this. "I got married."

"Ah, that'll do it," he said with a sagely nod. "How did you meet?"

"First year of college, but then he found himself a wife to please his family, one that also had other interests," Kaoru explained, forcing himself to look at Kojiro while he spoke. "Once they'd had a child, they got divorced and Ainosuke was free to marry me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Miya comes to stay with us for most holidays and part of summer vacation," he said and it almost sounded like he was happy. "I could show you a picture, but…"

"Convenient," Kojiro teased him with a sideways smirk.

Kaoru rolled his eyes, feeling a little smile tugging at his lips, though it didn't last. "Have you ever met someone," he started, thinking back to a summer night and a beef with another gang, "and just known, deep in your soul, that they were going to play a major part in your life?"

"Yeah," said Kojiro quietly, almost like an exhale of exhaustion.

"Ainosuke's career, well, it brought him here."

"And you came with him."

He nodded, eyes falling down on his hands again. "I started working at a gallery and here I am. Haven't been back ho-- since."

Kojiro didn't prod or try to cheer him up, which he appreciated immensely. There was just… understanding in his eyes, their intense red full of kindness that Kaoru wasn't sure he deserved. "Here you are. That takes a lot of courage."

Kaoru's voice came out shakier than he meant, and quieter too. "You know, I've been proud of that, all this time. Of the choices that I made, the sacrifices."

They were both quiet then, contemplating all the things he hadn't said out loud.

Kojiro had never been happier to get out of a subway and actually have to look for an address in his life. Kaoru's words kept ringing in his head, bringing back memories and making him question things, but that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part had been the look on his face by the end, the one that spelled doubt and fear in a way that had left Kojiro completely disarmed.

Thankfully, trying to find the hotel where the party was taking place proved an excellent distraction for both of them. Kaoru didn't even look like he was about to cry his heart out anymore by the time they located the building. Of course, this meant that now Kojiro had to actually go into the party and face his past.

They called the elevator and stood, side by side, waiting for it in the lobby. Kaoru was holding both of his coats in his arms and Kojiro realized that he hadn't actually seen his whole outfit yet, with all that wool hiding it. His dark red blouse was long, almost like a dress, and made him look even more androgynous and beautiful.

He was definitely not focusing on that to avoid thinking about--

"Is it really that bad?"

"What?" asked Kojiro, blinking at him.

Kaoru nodded at the elevator, which was taking forever to reach the ground floor. "What's waiting for you up at that party."

"It's nothing," he replied and it fooled no one, because Kojiro was a huge idiot and denial had worked so well up to this point. He didn't even need to turn to see Kaoru's unimpressed, yet sympathetic look, so he settled on saying "It's… it's an ex-something."

"Does the ex-something have a name?" asked Kaoru, still looking at him.

Kojiro took a deep breath. "Lauren. Haven't seen her in a while."

His friend turned his eyes back to the elevator doors and that wasn't much better than the staring, actually. Or maybe it was just the subject that soured everything else. "Was it a bad breakup?"

A scoff escaped him, unbidden, and it was self deprecating in a way. "Any other kind I don't know about?"

The elevator dinged, the doors opened and a sound came from inside. A voice, and that was definitely a moan if Kojiro had ever heard one, followed by the distinctive sounds of a belt being buckled on as two people moved into view mid kiss. The woman stumbled away from the man's arms, trying to pull her very short silver dress back down to a less scandalous length, while the man zipped up his pants. She had the grace to look a bit embarrassed once she saw them standing there, but her partner seemed ready to take the party elsewhere. They quickly stepped out of the way, hands all over each other, and headed towards the door to the street.

Kojiro simply gestured for Kaoru to go into the elevator and only peeked around the corner to make sure the happy couple wasn't coming back for some reason.

"Did they just have sex in here?" asked Kaoru like he wanted to make sure that they had seen the same thing. It was also very openly judgemental, for good reason.

"It's better not to know," said Kojiro from experience, pointedly not looking at the floor as he pressed the button, "but yeah."

The elevator ride was pretty uncomfortable, but at least this time it was other people's fault and they were both on the same boat. That was probably a small blessing, sent by the universe to slightly offset the shitshow so far. Once they stepped out of the elevator and into the party, Kojiro frowned. There was a DJ and a bar, but the people didn't look exactly joyous or celebrating.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Kaoru asked worriedly.

"Good question. I only really know Hiromi and Oka," he said, scanning the crowd after anyone familiar. There was no need to mention her, and part of him honestly hoped not to see her anyway. Which, of course, meant that Kojiro almost immediately spotted a short haired brunette sitting at the bar, though he couldn't see her face.

Kaoru followed his gaze across the room. "Do you know that person?" he asked, trying for soft and landing right on prodding.

The woman turned and Kojiro's heart started again, as if time had stopped for that moment of uncertainty and now it was flowing again. "No. No, I do not."

"You sure you can do this?"

He turned and Kaoru was looking at him with his brows furrowed in concern. That was new. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," said Kaoru, tilting his head in a challenging way, and Kojiro could not be blamed for turning this into bickering. That was an open invitation as far as he was concerned.

"Gee, thanks, mom?"

"Oh, am I your mom now? 'Cause if I am, I'm going to ground you."

"You're a pain in my ass, is what you are."

"Right back at you, dipshit."

"I'm glad that we're at a point in our relationship where you can just say that to me," said Kojiro with a grin.

Kaoru scoffed and gave him a lofty look, one that seemed laced with mirth, somehow. "It's all downhill from here."

Kojiro chuckled, feeling so much lighter now. "I feel like I missed all of the great uphill stuff, then, which makes me very sad."

"Don't start crying on me now," said Kaoru, frowning at something specific. "Also, what is PWC?"

Following his eyeline, Kojiro spotted a banner for… a record label? Was that it? Whatever it was, it was most surely the wrong place. "Shit."

"Are we in the right place, Kojiro?" asked Kaoru again, this time torn between amusement and abject social horror.

"I don't even think this is a wedding," he replied, trying not to laugh at their shit luck and dragging his friend along as he failed. There was no better reaction to this, really.

They turned to leave, but stopped when a voice behind them said "It's about time! Where's the rest of the band?" The man, who looked suspiciously like a lawyer, was definitely talking to them and not someone else, which probably made him the host. "You're an hour late!"

Kojiro looked at Kaoru, who had gone full deer in headlights, then turned to the man. "Traffic. I'm sorry, but I'm here now to hold down the fort, so to speak," he promptly replied and now his friend was looking at him like he was insane.

"What am I supposed to do with one saxophone?" asked the host with unearned derision.

"it's a trumpet," corrected Kojiro, out of habit mostly. That wasn't even annoying anymore.

"Oh, my god," the man groaned.

"And my singer," continued Kojiro confidently, because now he had to sell the part. Maybe he would get kicked for this later, but he'd deal with that problem when he got to it. Kaoru had murder in his eyes now. "He's amazing."

Oblivious to the silent death threats happening right in front of him, probably thanks to the mood lighting of the party, the host continued complaining. "This is outrageous. I'm not paying five grand for just that."

Kojiro nodded along, keeping his expression serious. He could spin this, probably. "No, of course not. But we'll need… six hundred upfront, in case the rest of the boys don't show," he said, hoping he could win the ensuing haggling on charm and wits alone.

Kaoru had gone through so many emotions in the last thirty seconds that he was now mostly just wide eyed, watching everything with interest. Later, if he didn't manage to hit Kojiro where it counted, he should be commended for his restraint during the negotiation. That was predicated on them not getting arrested, of course, but for now they hadn't committed any crimes yet.

"Out of the question!" exclaimed the host.

Grimacing like he was actually sorry to say this, Kojiro replied with "Okay. Enjoy your DJ's playlist." Then he turned to leave, pleased that Kaoru was following the impromptu script and turned with him.

The man, who was definitely not a lawyer, immediately called them back with an offer. "Three fifty."

"Five hundred," said Kojiro without hesitation. "That's ten percent, that's fair."

With a deep sigh, the host said "Fine. Get up there and start playing while I get the cash," he said, thumbing over his shoulder at a small stage set up in a corner by the windows. He also took a hotel room keycard out of his pocket and handed it to Kojiro on his way out. "Use this room as a green room, if you need to store your stuff."

"Great," he replied cheerfully.

Kaoru put his hands on his face in shock, staring at him, and half a second later said "Kojiro, no!"

He guided them through the crowd, plastering a smile on his face. "Come on."

"I don't sing," Kaoru tried, panicking, instead of ditching him.

"That's not what I heard," argued Kojiro.

He was keeping his voice down, but it sounded like he wanted to scream. "There's no way I can do this!"

"Yes, you can. Besides, we need a vocalist to sell it," said Kojiro and he only realized he'd been sort of guiding, sort of dragging Kaoru to the stage when they got there. His hand was around his friend's wrist, just firm enough not to lose him in the crowd. "You wanna get home, don't you? Just pretend-- well, pretend you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk, though," Kaoru pointed out, climbing on the stage with him. Lacking common sense was apparently yet another thing they shared.

He started setting himself up, for once glad to have done a couple of unpaid gigs for friends back in Europe. "I can probably get you a glass of wine, but you'd have to down it and it wouldn't work that fast."

"Kojiro, I can't do this!"

"Imagine everyone in the audience is naked?"

"Tha-- that's not helpful," Kaoru hissed, wary of the microphone that was placed in front of him, center stage. There was a stool for Kojiro so he positioned himself close to him, for moral support.

"Push comes to shove, you can always strip--"

Kaoru gave him a scandalized look. "Kojiro!"

"--but save it for the finale, 'cause I don't think I can follow that up."

"Show time, people," announced the host, ending their discussion. Kaoru was still on the stage, Kojiro wasn't bleeding again, and they had a shot at this. "The one-of-a-kind musical stylings of…"

"Kojiro Nanjo on trumpet, Kaoru Sakurayashiki on vocals," provided Kojiro helpfully, putting his game face on. When he looked at Kaoru, his mouth was agape. "Kicking off this set with a smoky, wistful My Funny Valentine."

This was the hard part, but it was also the fun part.

He closed his eyes and started playing, but also praying that Kaoru could do this, trusting that his instincts about the guy were right. It wasn't a hard song to play, the first few notes coming out crisp and clear from his trumpet, and then there were the lyrics.

"My funny valentine… sweet, comic valentine…" sang Kaoru and his deep voice turned huskier, lower than in conversation. Despite how nervous he was, his singing sounded beautiful. "You make me smile with my heart…"

Kojiro chanced a glance up at him, then, and found his eyes bravely scanning the crowd. With his long hair framing his face in the low light and his slender figure, Kaoru looked mysterious, alluring. It fit his singing style, the sultry air of mystique he was giving to the song as he soldiered on through the lyrics. Then their eyes met, only for an instant, and Kojiro focused back on his trumpet.

There was an undeniable chemistry there, a resonance between them as they performed the song together. The melody carried him, and he hoped it carried Kaoru as well, for it sure sounded like he'd found a comfortable place in his heart to sing it. It was a bit raw and exposed, his heart bare for all to see the sad undertones he added to the lyrics.

Sinatra would be proud, really. Kojiro certainly was, because he was amazing for an amateur.

"Stay, little valentine… Stay," Kaoru sang with such melancholy that it hurt, "Each day is Valentine's Day…"

His eyes were drawn to him as the song ended, to how Kaoru's hands hovered over the microphone and he just glowed there on the stage. Maybe Kojiro couldn't convince him without video evidence, but he'd been perfect and the memory of this moment would last, etched into his heart like a record.

Then Kojiro turned his attention to the crowd, clapping politely, and he saw the host headed their way with an angry look on his face. He also saw the real band, in green suit jackets, looking very confused as they pointed to the stage.

It was time to bail.

Kaoru spotted them as well and froze, so Kojiro grabbed his hand. "Let's go, come on!" he urged, both carrying their stuff one handed as he dragged Kaoru through the crowd again, much faster this time. Being a big guy helped a lot in times like these, both with shoving and with intimidating people out of the way.

"Oy, you two!" yelled the host, somewhere behind them.

They ran off down the hallway, headed for the stairwell this time.

"That was insane!" Kaoru said and he was ecstatic after their little concert, looking back at Kojiro as they rushed down the stairs. The smile on his face was priceless.

"You were amazing!" he made sure to say, proud of Kaoru for going through with it. Then Kojiro spotted the next door down and remembered the keycard in his pocket. "Wait, wait, the room," and upon checking the number, "this way."

The two of them deserved some rest and a chance to freshen up, so they might as well use it.

Kaoru's heart hadn't raced like that in years. It was like he could suddenly see after being surrounded by darkness for so long that he'd forgotten he even had eyes. Everything felt brighter, more vibrant, and the excitement made him giggly. Suddenly he was Cherry Blossom again, nineteen and already with multiple piercings, leading his gang around the dark streets of Okinawa.

He felt alive. Kaoru could barely breathe, and it felt incredible.

"That was one of the craziest things I've ever done," he told Kojiro excitedly while they searched for the right room.

"One of?" Kojiro asked, laughing along.

"I've done some shit," proclaimed Kaoru, strangely proud of his past though he'd tried so hard to leave it behind. "Stupid, reckless, fun shit like that."

His red eyes were full of mischief as he turned to Kaoru. "In that case, you ready for an encore?"

"Well, no, but," he trailed off, feeling downright bubbly.

Kojiro located their temporary refuge and opened the door to a pretty normal hotel room, all off-white and cream. "I'm gonna call Hiromi, figure out where the hell he is," he said, heading straight for the phone.

"Isn't your phone dead? Do you know the number?" asked Kaoru, dropping his coats on the couch and sitting down.

"What, you don't memorize all of your emergency contacts?" Kojiro retorted, also unloading his stuff for some much needed rest as he picked up the landline.

Kaoru chuckled, the adrenaline rush starting to fade. "I don't think I have as many emergencies as you do."

He got a mildly offended look for that, but there was a smirk on Kojiro's face, so it was fine. There didn't seem to be much that could upset him, or truly hit his nerves, which Kaoru supposed was better than being riddled with anxiety at all times. "Hey, Hiromi? You gave me the wrong address, man!" said Kojiro on the phone. "Look, I need a huge favor, and it's gonna sound weird but roll with it. I need four hundred and fifty bucks. It's life or death, explain later. My phone is dead but leave me a message with the right place this time."

"Do you think he can do it? That he'll get the message in time?"

"I don't know," said Kojiro honestly and that helped, in a way. As hard as he was trying, overflowing with hope despite everything, Kojiro had yet to deceive him in any way. They were opposites in that sense, it seemed, because he wore his heart on his sleeve and Kaoru… "I got another idea," he said, still holding the phone up to his ear.

"Should I be worried?" asked Kaoru, as if there was an alternative.

Kojiro held up a finger, scrunching his nose at the evident and hurtful lack of confidence in his plan. Someone said something on the other end of the line and he replied with "Yes, I need a car to drive my guest to Boston right away."

That didn't sound very legal.

"Yes," he continued without an ounce of shame. "Can you charge it to the room?"

"Did you get it?" Kaoru mouthed at him, shocked.

"Great. Thank you," said Kojiro with a pleased smile on his face and hung up.

"Are you crazy? Do you think that will work?"

Kojiro shrugged, unbothered by another attempt to commit fraud. "Don't know. We'll find out in ten minutes, courtesy of Mister Childers," he said, storing his instrument in its case again because he hadn't had time to do that while they were running away from the last crime. Was that a crime?

"I liked your trumpet, very shiny," said Kaoru to a very grateful Kojiro. "I hope it's worth enough. For bail. For when we get arrested."

He laughed, but this time it sounded wrong. Self deprecating, mean. "It should be. Bought it with a shiny engagement ring."

There was no shame in that, no subterfuge, only him opening up for once instead of bottling down. Kojiro didn't look away from him and Kaoru didn't dare do it either, respecting his choice. It must hurt like hell, being in his position, and he couldn't be blamed for being uncertain about what he should do. This Lauren seemed to have left a massive scar in Kojiro's heart. Maybe it was still a fresh wound.

Unwilling to dwell on it, Kojiro sat on a nearby chair and gestured at the paintings hanging on the walls. Well, 'paintings' was him being generous. "So, tell me about these pieces. Are they by your mysterious favorite painter you won't tell me the name of?" he said, mock seriously.

The bastard had apparently figured out Kaoru's sense of humor, because he snorted. "Oh! How did you know?"

"You need to be a true connoisseur to appreciate them," he explained the obvious.

"You're an asshole," Kaoru told him, feeling it was his obligation to point that out. Though it gave him an idea and he got up. "Although, the most interesting thing about hotel art isn't the actual art itself, obviously, but it's what's behind them," he started, checking the big painting hanging above the couch.

"What, like a safe?" asked Kojiro, chin propped up with his elbow on the table.

"No. Have you ever heard of hotel graffiti?"

"Nope."

"It started with this comedian, the TV in his room broke and he was bored out of his mind," explained Kaoru, climbing on the arm of the couch to reach another painting. "So he started doodling on the backs of paintings and it caught on from there. Fingers crossed…" he said, taking it off the wall and turning it to reveal a very interesting and lewd portrait made with a sharpie. The figure's breasts were particularly massive.

"Wow," said Kojiro, leaning closer to inspect it, but not too close. "Woooow."

"What? It's one of the best I've seen," joked Kaoru, because he'd seen some amazing things. Not good, but definitely amazing.

"How do you not appreciate this?"

He peered over the edge of the frame to read what was scribbled on it and together they read out loud what it said. "Gotta go the hookers are here."

There was a pause where they both thought about those words, looked at each other, and at the room as a whole. Then the two of them burst out laughing, neither wanting to be the first one to make an inappropriate comment.

About ten minutes later, they made it to the lobby and Kaoru was a bit nervous. The thought of getting caught doing this and spending the rest of this night in jail sent shivers down his spine. He'd rather chew on glass, honestly, so when the first thing he saw right out of the elevator was a chauffeur standing by the door of the hotel, Kaoru prepared for the worst.

Kojiro, undaunted, approached the front desk like he was actually supposed to be there. "Hi, we ordered a car for Mister Childers."

The receptionist just nodded and pointed at the driver. "Ah, yes, he's right here. We got your regular driver."

"Except you're not Mister Childers," said the chauffeur pointedly, just polite enough to maybe keep his job in case of a mix up.

"No, I was sent down with Mister Childers' guest," explained Kojiro without missing a beat, "to make sure everything is to his taste."

Kaoru, meanwhile, was trying very hard to remain calm and collected while his mind raced. They were going to get arrested, he was going to end up divorced and in jail, because Kojiro apparently thought he could solve every problem with a little bit of confidence and charm. His shitty night was about to get exponentially shittier, all because of him. Who did he think he was, some kind of badass grifter? Was everything a joke to him? He was so damn immature!

"Oh. Certainly, sir," the receptionist was saying while Kaoru quietly freaked out, "just give me a second to ring the room."

Kojiro turned to look at him, directly into his eyes, and the message was clear.

"That won't be necessary," said Kaoru to the receptionist, forcing a friendly smile. He stepped closer to Kojiro and tilted his head, just enough to use his own charm to sell the bit. "You know, it's not that late and I feel like a drink. Maybe that place at Halston is still open?"

"Yeah, sure," said Kojiro, easily following the new script. "Shall we go?"

"Yeah. Thank you," he said to both the receptionist and the driver, who seemingly considered the matter settled.

Kojiro and Kaoru exited the building and walked a few feet in silence before they could both sigh in relief.

"You're gonna land me in jail and I'm going to kill you," said Kaoru, looking over his shoulder to make sure the driver wasn't following them out of suspicion.

"In that order? What, you're gonna shiv me in custody?"

Kaoru turned to him with a deadly glare, but the idiot just chuckled in his face. "I should ditch you right now."

"And yet, you don't," said Kojiro as they stopped a block away from the hotel. "Come on, this isn't over yet. We've still got time."

There it was, that endless well of hope. It was hard to tell if Kojiro really believed those things, if he really saw the world that way, or if he chose to do so. His attitude was starting to look less like rose-tinted glasses and more like someone who'd taken their natural disposition towards seeing the good in things, and just… ran with it. It was almost rebellious, as if Kojiro was intent on being positive out of spite.

There was something almost irresistible to Kaoru about that. Instead of leaving, yet again, he found himself saying "Time, but neither money nor a plan."

Kojiro tapped his foot on the floor, brows creased as he considered their options.

"What we need is a time machine," sighed Kaoru, watching him.

In the short time of their acquaintance, he'd learned one thing for sure, one thing that was becoming almost second nature. The look on Kojiro's face, that lightbulb moment where his face lit up like an evil genius coming up with yet another scheme for world domination, was bad news. For Kaoru, specifically.

"We kind of have one," he said, pointing at the payphone near them, and Kaoru looked back at him like he'd just declared himself Queen of England. Still, Kojiro wanted to cheer him up, so he leaned on the thing and continued his car salesman speech. "Few years ago, they turned all of these public payphones into time machines. You just gotta pick it up, dial the date you want, and a new yorker will tell you exactly what was happening in that corner twenty years ago or something. It's fun."

It didn't quite work. He sighed, just as sad as before. "I don't need to call that far back, I just need to call yesterday."

That was quite a downer, and not the note Kojiro wanted his bit to end on. Some would call him stubborn, but he didn't mind and actually reveled in it. So he picked up the phone, dialed some random numbers with added silly noises for effect, and offered it to Kaoru. "Let's try, then. What would you tell yourself?"

Kaoru's lips twitched and he fought valiantly, but he walked over to the phone with a tiny smile. His eyes were full of questions. Probably about his sanity. He leaned on the other side of the payphone, still giving Kojiro an uncertain look as he joined in on the bit. "Kaoru, this is you from the future," he said, then pulled the phone away. "He doesn't believe me."

"Well, of course! You gotta tell him a secret, something only the two of you would know," explained Kojiro with an eye roll.

After a moment of consideration, and another mean look his way, Kaoru put the phone up to his ear again. "So, you know that tiny scar on your forehead? The one you tell everyone you got skiing in Switzerland with your friend Carla, because that's fancy so it's better than the truth?"

Kojiro leaned closer and squinted at him like he was a petri dish exhibiting some really bizarre shit, or the finest print in an eye test. It was really hard to see under a streetlight, but he tried his best to see the scar nonetheless. Tiny was about right.

Kaoru shoved him playfully. There seemed to be a little bit of hesitation in him, maybe out of shame, but he took a deep breath and said "But you actually got it in college, in an abandoned factory back in Okinawa?"

His brain froze, then. That place… there couldn't be that many abandoned factories in Okinawa, could there? The prefecture was actually really big, and he didn't even know what city Kaoru was from, but Kojiro was left blinking in surprise.

"I know, I don't look the type now," Kaoru mouthed at him, sharing a secret, before going back to his fake phone call. "Anyway, this other gang had been bugging you for a while and you challenged their leader, first one down the hill and through the factory would win."

"A race? What kind of race?" asked Kojiro before he could think about it.

Putting up a hand to shut him up, Kaoru continued. "And it went super well until you decided to slide down the rail of the staircase, like an idiot. It broke near the end and you bailed hard, but you took the other guy down with you," he said, chuckling at the memory, his eyes far, far away. "So you didn't win and you spent the night at the hospital. Yeah, now you believe me, huh?"

Kojiro was pretty sure he'd heard that story before, or some version of it. It couldn't be, that would make this entire night such a huge coincidence, but there was hardly another explanation for this situation. He wanted to stop Kaoru and ask him more about it, but didn't want to sound even crazier than he'd already sounded so far.

"Okay, so, whatever you do, don't talk to any strangers at Grand Central."

"Ouch," he said quietly.

Kaoru's amused smile faded, and faded, until his mouth was just a thin line again. "Actually, skip that trip to New York altogether. Don't leave home, just have a spa day and go back to bed," he said and his hand was tight around the phone as his lips trembled. "Everything will be fine by morning."

The phone clicked loudly as he hung up and Kojiro said the first words in his mind without thinking. "But then we wouldn't have met."

Those intense golden eyes turned to him again. "I'm not entirely sure if that's a good thing, or a bad thing."

He'd walked right into that one. It almost made him feel like not asking after all, but now he needed to know. "You didn't tell me what kind of race it was."

"I used to skateboard," replied Kaoru with a frown. "Why?"

"Because I think I know that place, the factory you mentioned," said Kojiro, trying to recall if he'd ever seen Kaoru in town back in Japan. They'd only just met and he didn't even know how old this guy was to do the math and figure out if it was possible, but Kojiro was intrigued to say the least.

Kaoru's reaction, however, was a huff and a headshake. "You must be mistaken. That can't be."

"Why not?" asked Kojiro, confused.

"Because what are the odds? Just… because," Kaoru replied and didn't finish, looking away from him with a pained expression. There was so much he was still holding inside, so many things he clearly needed to say and deal with, but his denial was very familiar to Kojiro.

Not wanting to see him cry, not like this, he chose to let it go. "Alright. What can we do then? Let's think," he said, walking away to give Kaoru some physical space as well.

"What?"

"Maybe we can--"

"You're not getting away this easy," said Kaoru, getting his attention and pointing to the phone once he'd turned around. "It's your turn."

Well, shit. "No, no, no. Messing with the space-time continuum is a baaad idea."

Kaoru narrowed his eyes at him. "You owe me."

"Do I, now?" asked Kojiro, raising both eyebrows back, but he relented. Anything to get a smile on his face. "Alright, alright, gimme that. But I'm not gonna do yesterday, I'm gonna call two thousand four," he said, taking the phone from Kaoru's hand and slapping the dial haphazardly, which earned him an eye roll.

"Here comes."

"Hey, Joe? It's me, you… from the future," Kojiro then pulled the phone away from his mouth, speaking to a very confused Kaoru for a moment. "He bought it! Dumbass."

He snorted, covering his mouth to try and hide it. That right there was worth acting like a fool for.

"When the Red Sox make the World Series, put all of your money on them to win. Yeah, it sounds crazy, but just trust me on this one and do it. Okay, bye!"

Kaoru stared at him, wide eyed and a little angry. "Wait, that's it?"

"That's it!" said Kojiro after hanging up, spreading his arms open and raising his hands like it was obvious. "Everyone knows that when you get a time machine, the first thing you do is gamble!"

"I wasn't aware of that!" argued Kaoru, starting to laugh against his will, if the look in his eyes said anything to Kojiro.

He shoved his hands in his front pockets, turned them inside out to reveal a whole lot of nothing, and said dejectedly "That didn't work."

"You're terrible," Kaoru told him earnestly.

Kojiro didn't care, because he didn't look like he was about to cry anymore and that was the point. He turned around to try and stop the feedback loop of seeing Kaoru laugh and it making laughter bubble in his own chest. "Fuck, the bus!" he exclaimed upon seeing a street sign with the city bus times.

"They've stopped running already," said Kaoru, pointing out the obvious.

"No, like a Chinatown bus! They run all night and they're cheap, they're like eighty bucks!"

Kaoru blinked. This time he didn't let hope bloom in his voice and appear on his face, but it was still something. It was better than nothing. "Do we even have that much?"

"No," said Kojiro, a bit too brightly because someone had to have hope here. "I bet it's easier to get than five hundred, though," he finished, grabbing Kaoru by the hand. They had no time to lose and it was worth the shot.

Watching Kojiro try to sweet talk the old lady at the desk in order to get him a bus ticket at a major discount, Kaoru almost believed it would work. His infectious energy was just that powerful, his smile was just that charming. and Kaoru wanted to believe it. The clock ticking above their heads, literally now as he stared at the thing hanging on the wall at the bus service, meant that he couldn't fool himself.

It was almost four in the morning and they didn't have any money to pay for the ticket, nor time to find any. What would they do, rob a liquor store? It was over.

Kaoru was sitting there, contemplating how utterly fucked everything was now, while Kojiro politely argued with the desk lady. There was an older couple sitting across from him and he was curled up on himself trying not to cry, feeling like a child for acting like this in public. It was awfully late for the Kaoru of nowadays, who was usually fast asleep at this hour, and he was so, so tired.

Kojiro let out a long sigh, apparently out of bullshit to spew, and joined him at the bench.

"We tried," mumbled Kaoru, staring down at his hands.

He mulled over it. "What if we just called your husband and told him you're here?"

"He knows where I am."

With a slow nod of understanding, Kojiro insisted. "He doesn't need to know what you're doing here."

"He knows that, too."

"Then why do you have to beat him home?" Kojiro asked quietly, leaning closer. Their eyes met and he looked so confused. "Is there something you gotta do before he gets there?"

Kaoru felt the lump in his throat worsen, and had to look away in shame before he started tearing up for good. If he could explain without losing it, without saying out loud the things he was trying to deny even to himself, Kaoru would tell him. But he couldn't.

"Well, I'll tell you one thing, he's an idiot if he can't deal with it, whatever it is," Kojiro said in what was maybe an attempt to comfort him, though it was missing the mark this time. "And you're not the type to marry an idiot--"

"Even if there was something I had to do, there's no time left," he conceded in exasperation.

Always the stubborn one, it seemed. "Okay, but can we find a way to fix things from here, then?"

Kaoru turned to him and blinked.

"Can you call someone for help, maybe have them do whatever it is that needs doing?"

How hadn't he thought of that? But still… "I don't have anything, do you have any quarters left?"

Kojiro patted his wallet again, brows furrowed. "No, but," he said, already getting up again and turning his attention to the people sitting across from them. "Hey, hi, excuse me? My friend needs to make an emergency call, could he use your phone?"

"Uh," said the old man, clearly taken by surprise. "Of course."

After a quick exchange where he almost fumbled the poor man's phone because of his shaky hands, Kaoru excused himself to make the call. He stood by the entrance of the building, pacing as he dialed the number of his one real friend in this country. Now there was a real chance to fix things and his heart was beating so fast that it was deafening.

His marriage now depended on Carla picking up the phone.

It rang, and rang, and rang.

She had to pick up. Carla always picked up for him.

"Hello? Who's this?"

"Carla, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, did I wake the baby?"

"No-- Kaoru? What?" said a very sleepy Carla, stumbling on her words. "She's-- wait, is everything okay?"

Kaoru took a deep breath. "It will be, but I need a huge, massive favor," he begged.

There was some shifting on the other end of the line, the sound of a door clicking shut. "Okay, I'm awake. What do you need?"

"Go to my house, around the back, there's a ceramic turtle. Take the key that's under the turtle and go in through the back door. The security code is four-two-four-two."

"Slow down, sweetie," said Carla worriedly.

"I can't," replied Kaoru, feeling like he was about to die. "You're writing this down?"

"Always."

"I need you to go into my bedroom and take the letter that's on the pillow. Don't look inside, don't read it, just keep it safe for me, please," Kaoru asked and he was nearly whispering by the end. "Please, Carla."

"How long do I have?"

"Three hours."

He heard the jingle of her silly, massive keychain. "Consider it done. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"

Kaoru exhaled, shaky. "I am now. Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Call me in an hour, alright?" she demanded in a familiar way, comforting him in ways she could never imagine, and hung up.

And that was it. All of that worry and it was over now, but with a good ending rather than a bad one. Carla would help him make things better, Ainosuke would get home and he would be none the wiser. Everything would be fine, as soon as that damned letter was somewhere he couldn't read it.

Kaoru's marriage was saved.

He was relieved, he was, but nowhere near as much as he should probably be.

Inside the bus service waiting room, he could see Kojiro talking to the old man and nodding towards him. Maybe he was asking to make a call as well, after Kaoru was done.

Feeling strangely brittle and exposed, he walked back into the room. Kojiro stood up to ask him about the call, but Kaoru didn't give him a chance, wrapping his arms around his waist and silently pressing his face against his chest. There was so much he wanted to say, but nothing came out. After a moment of hesitation, Kojiro hugged him back, warm and gentle.

It was over, right? At least now Kaoru could quietly return to his life, the life he'd chosen for himself.

"You know, I think this is the first time I've seen you look genuinely happy," said Kojiro as they walked sort of aimlessly. He'd elected not to comment on the hug, instead just holding Kaoru for as long as he'd wished to be held, but now they were back out on the street.

Kaoru hummed. "For the record, this isn't happy. I'm just relieved. Happy is different."

That was a big distinction to make, and it only added to the conclusions Kojiro had drawn about his marriage over the course of the night. The lightness in Kaoru's face and voice kept him from saying anything, though. "I'm glad things worked out. And, for the record," Kojiro said, eyeing him critically, "I don't think you could ever cheat on anyone."

"You're too much of a romantic, aren't you?"

"I'm a believer."

"Ugh, you're a menace," said Kaoru with a dramatic eye roll.

"I'm a dangerous guy," he replied with a chuckle.

"Is that why you got smacked in the nose?"

Kojiro looked at him, at this relaxed and fun version of Kaoru, and couldn't help but smile back. He even forgot to say anything to defend himself, caught up in how nice it felt to just stroll side by side with him like this.

"What did Hiromi say? In the message?"

"Ah," he said, taking a deep breath. it had slipped his mind completely and Kojiro hadn't been trying too hard to think about it, honestly. "He left me the wrong address 'cause his dyslexia kicks in hard when he drinks."

Kaoru glanced at him but his eyes remained on the path ahead. "Where is it?"

"Nah, doesn't matter now, just not gonna go," said Kojiro, hoping to sound nonchalant instead of reticent. "I think we should just keep walking around. Heard Central Park is real safe this time of night."

"Wow," retorted Kaoru, looking at him funny with his eyebrows all raised. They'd stopped walking - well, he'd stopped first - and it was his turn to prod. "It can't be that bad. Is it? Is this because of Lauren?"

Kojiro sighed and shifted the bags on his shoulder.

"I can help you with that, you know," his friend offered with that foxy smile of his. "I'm all dressed up, got nowhere better to go."

"I'm touched, but it's late," Kojiro argued feebly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Kaoru stepped closer, much closer, grabbing the collar of his coat with both hands. His breath was such a delicious, warm respite in the cold night. "Don't underestimate me, Kojiro. I'd make a great bodyguard. Or emotional support, perhaps a spiritual adviser?"

"Don't doubt that," he replied, a little too low. "She's there with someone."

"I see," Kaoru said slowly, processing, as he stepped away. "You helped me, you… saved my marriage. That makes you kind of a hero, doesn't it?"

Somehow, Kojiro had set himself up for that one an hour ago or something. It was impressive, even for him. "Kind of."

"And heroes are brave enough to face their ex-girlfriends, aren't they?" said the teasing fox in front of him, tilting his head a little. "Don't worry, we can pretend to be dating. Jealousy always helps."

There were a lot of things Kojiro could say there, right at the tip of his tongue, and most of them would probably be a mistake. He looked away with another sigh, already feeling like he'd lost this battle. "She'll know you're not my type."

"Gods, seriously?" chuckled Kaoru. Had he believed that, really? "Maybe she'll think that I've changed you. That would drive her mad, huh?"

He had to bite his tongue not to say that it was actually the case.

And then Kaoru employed the nuclear option. He put a hand on Kojiro's arm for support as he almost knelt, wary of actually getting his pants dirty, and looked up with his lips twitching in faux seriousness. "Will you be my fake boyfriend?"

What was he supposed to do? Say no? Kojiro couldn't resist that, would never dare say no to something so silly and genuine coming from him. This other side of Kaoru, this bright and fun side, had him completely dazed at every turn. Besides, if he was going to do this after all, he'd like for someone to be there for him and at this moment it felt like Kaoru was the right person for the job.

Kojiro pulled him up with a stupid grin plastered on his face again, then took Kaoru's offered arm. They started walking again like that, arms locked and laughing together, towards the wedding reception. It wasn't too far, but it felt like they got there way too fast in the end.

The bar looked really nice, with big windows framed by fairy lights and glass doors showing a multitude of people inside. It was dark, moody, and packed with happy drunks despite the late hour. Kojiro wondered to himself where else he could find a wedding reception party raging through the night like that, though he'd never been much of a party animal. New York just did this to people sometimes. Not to him, but…

They went in and, sure enough, this felt about right for a wedding celebration. The music was nice, drinks were flowing and nobody seemed remotely ready to wind down, let alone leave.

He started searching the crowd for familiar bright orange, spiky hair, because he'd like to find Hiromi first before… before anything else.

"Hopefully this is the right place," said Kaoru beside him, also looking. "I'm not singing again."

Kojiro didn't reply, too focused on his task.

"Joe!"

Both of them turned to see Hiromi approaching much in the same way that a bull would. Kojiro barely had time to extend him a hand before it was being grabbed and then he was pulled into a bear hug. "Shadow, hey!"

"Look, I tried to get your money," said Hiromi in a hurry, slurring a bit. Somehow, he produced his wallet without dropping it, and tried to shove a lot of cash into Kojiro's hands. "But we only got, like, three hundred and fifty bucks? Hope it's enough."

"Whoa, wow, slow down," he said, eyes wide.

Hiromi turned to Kaoru, then, who was watching everything with unmasked interest. "Hey, you. I'm Hiromi."

"I'm Kaoru," he replied, awkwardly accepting a hug. "Thank you for your help, but--"

"Look, man, we don't actually need this anymore," Kojiro tried to explain and to return the money. Maybe he'd have to slip it back into his friend's pocket when he wasn't looking.

"Really? Just keep it," said Hiromi with a wave that almost hit some people standing nearby. "Everyone that chipped had lost a beef to me, so we're golden."

"What?" said Kaoru like he'd just been slapped in the face.

"Got a few new challenges, but that's cool, I'll wreck them," he continued with a nasty grin and it always looked so weird without the makeup. Too drunk to leave them an opening to say anything, he added "Pretty boy here already has a challenge though, right?"

"Hiromi," Kojiro tried, glancing apologetically at his new friend because of his old friend. "He's taken."

"Oh, I know," said Hiromi with a wink that wasn't remotely subtle, then slipped him a keycard.

Kaoru's eyes bugged out a little. "N-not like that," he rushed to clarify, and was that a stutter? Was he blushing?

Kojiro was too embarrassed to dwell on it. "It's not for us, I'm crashing in his room tonight," he explained, then turned to his very drunk friend. "Just promise me you won't pass out on the floor outside the room this time."

"Oh that I could! I'm, like, very drunk right now," Hiromi informed them with the wisdom of ages, then pivoted somewhere specific. "Come meet everyone, Kaoru! Oka is still here and he's drunk too!"

"Uh, okay?" said Kaoru, looking at him for assistance.

Kojiro hadn't seen Lauren yet. Maybe she'd already left. Hopefully, perhaps. "Let's go meet everyone."

Hiromi led them towards a table that was covered in gifts. Silly, bizarre gifts meant to make the happy couple feel super embarrassed in front of their friends and family. Fuzzy pink handcuffs, cutlery wrapped in penis shaped packaging, the works. There were a few people mingling there, all of them laughing and sharing stories about the grooms who were sitting at the center of the group. "Oka! Boys!"

"Hey, it's Joe!" Oka exclaimed, his drunk self being a lot more open than usual. It'd been a while since Kojiro had seen him, so this was a pleasant reunion hug. "Have you met Langa and Reki?"

The grooms waved at them. "We're so glad you made it! I'm Reki and this is my husband Langa," said the red haired one, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled his groom closer. "I can't get tired of saying that!"

"You've had too much to drink," said Langa amusedly, taking the glass of champagne from his hand. "We're gonna spend our honeymoon super hungover."

"Have a drink with us," said Reki excitedly anyway.

Kojiro turned his eyes back to the party at large, fleeting from face to face unconsciously. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was the longing that never seemed to quiet in his heart, but he was looking for her. Short brown hair, dimples, and a smile that had once been so dear to him.

"No, thanks," Kaoru was saying beside him, smiling and seeming to actually enjoy the situation. "It's probably not a good idea."

Was it, still? Now that he was here, Kojiro wasn't so sure. A little voice inside his head had been nagging him all night, asking the same question over and over again. Was this really what he wanted?

And he saw her.

There she was. Standing with a group of people and giggling at something like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. Then Lauren's almond blue eyes met his across the crowd and it felt like time had slowed down.

"Kojiro?"

For a long moment they just stared at each other from a distance. Her laughter died and only a faint smile was left in its wake. It didn't look like she was ecstatic to see him, but she didn't seem unhappy either. That was probably a good sign, for… something.

"Is that…?"

Lauren said something to her group, scrunching her nose at them, before she started walking his way. Kojiro found that he had no idea what to do now, had never figured out what he wanted to say to her after all. For the entire night - hell, the last three weeks since Hiromi had called him to say she might be at Reki and Langa's wedding… Kojiro had been thinking about this nonstop, but it had always felt like a nebulous future until it was right there, walking towards him.

Almost nonstop. He'd thought about it almost all the time.

He couldn't be more grateful that Kaoru was here with him.

"We should go say 'hi', right?" said Kaoru, nudging him a little.

"Don't move," Kojiro almost whispered, and it sounded like a cry for help to his own ears.

Lauren was, in fact, at the party after all. She was gorgeous, dressed in a short black dress, and Kaoru could see, even from just a glimpse across the room, why Kojiro had fallen for her. He didn't get it himself, but it was plain to see that she was an interesting and fun woman.

The whole 'fake boyfriend' thing sounded like a little less of a good idea right now, but he wouldn't ditch Kojiro, so he stayed by his side.

Kaoru owed him as much, and he clearly needed the support.

"Hi," she said with a smile, pulling him into a hug and holding Kojiro tight for a long moment.

He didn't say anything at first, the two of them just trying to find the right words as they parted and did a lot of meaningful staring.

Kojiro looked at her like she was both a ghost and a siren, enchanted by someone who he clearly never thought he'd see again. At a loss for words, but not because he had nothing to say - probably the exact opposite. His conflicted emotions were clear to Kaoru, and they must be so to Lauren as well.

There was a lot of fondness in her awkward smile. They were former lovers and it showed, but she didn't seem to harbor any resentment or anything. Kaoru could see real chemistry between them. They looked really nice together, or they would if this turned into something more, and that was a good thing. He had to tell himself that, watching them fail to communicate spectacularly. It was almost comical, how much they looked like smitten teenagers.

"Lauren Chapman, this is Kaoru Sakurayashiki," Kojiro finally said, again not using his husband's last name.

He ignored that, unsure what to think about it, and smiled at Lauren. "Nice to meet you."

She skipped past the formality of a handshake and traded cheek kisses with him, taking Kaoru by surprise. It was only thanks to years of practice that he didn't show any discomfort at her casual, easy affection. "Hey, it's nice to meet you too!" she said with a bright smile, then turned to Kojiro. "Traffic was awful all the way from Philly, I thought I'd missed you!"

"You did?" he asked, a little too honest, then shook himself and tried to smile. "I mean, I guess you did, kind of. Miss me."

Lauren definitely noticed that, because anyone would have noticed that. Someone looking from the other side of the room would have noticed that. Kaoru felt like a third wheel and kind of wanted to vanish into the scenery, so that he could avoid witnessing that.

"But you're here now!"

"I am, huh? You know, I thought I was gonna miss you too. That is, until now," said Kojiro with the eloquence of a true wordsmith, and Kaoru was a bit stunned. He'd seen this guy improv and grift and charm his way through all sorts of things tonight, but now? Completely stumped and cringing at himself.

"We can keep this going for minutes," Lauren told Kaoru, trying to save everyone in this conversation from abject mortification.

"Hours," provided Kojiro, looking in his direction but not meeting his eyes.

Lauren nodded along, apparently amused now. "We're only this quick when we're together."

And just like that, it seemed like Kojiro had found the rhythm with her again. Or at least stopped second guessing himself before speaking. "Otherwise, I'm almost boring."

There was a little awkward silence, like Lauren wanted to say something and then made up her mind. She very visibly switched gears, nodding at the trumpet case and saying "Did you quit cooking?"

"Well, I…"

Kaoru spoke before thinking. "He's actually got a job interview tomorrow, at Antonucci's."

A genuinely nice smile bloomed on her face. "Kojiro, that's amazing! So I guess you still play to help you think, then?"

"He's gonna make fettuccine al pesto, I believe," Kaoru continued, trying to convey something like 'I'm trying to help you' with his eyes and smile. It wasn't entirely intentional on his part to butt in like that, but he just felt weird seeing their exchange and had to say something.

Kojiro actually looked a little uncomfortable.

Lauren soldiered on excitedly. "Alright, you have to tell me all about it, come on--"

"Hey, babe," said a tall, handsome guy in a light gray suit, siding up to her.

"Alex! Guys, this is Alex," she said without adding a title or missing a beat. "These are Kaoru and Kojiro."

They all shook hands, with Alex looking notably more comfortable than Kojiro with it all.

"Kojiro has an interview at Antonucci's tomorrow," Lauren told him before it got awkward again.

"Oh, really? Oh, that Italian place," he said thoughtfully. "We've been there a few times, right? That's really cool, dude."

"Thanks," said Kojiro a bit dryly, and if Kaoru had learned anything about him tonight, that was him desperately wanting an out.

Lauren looked between the two of them. "I know it's kinda late, but do you guys wanna grab some coffee or something?"

"I wish we could, but we're late for a thing," Kojiro replied, looking straight at Kaoru now, just like earlier. Except this time it wasn't subtle at all. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, well," said Lauren, scrambling a little. "Don't let us keep you, then! But, if you're free sometime later, I'm at the Soho Grand," she said directly to Kojiro.

That wasn't exactly subtle either, but it was also not quite what it seemed, given that her date was standing right there and didn't look upset at all. Lauren wanted to talk to him, to catch up probably, and it was sweet how hard she was trying to reconnect with Kojiro. But then again, there had been… something there, between them. Lingering affection, perhaps.

Kaoru's heart ached, quietly as always.

They said their goodbyes and left as fast as politeness allowed. Kojiro couldn't really stand there and make small talk any longer than that without losing his fucking mind, After getting out of the bar, the two of them sat on the steps of a nearby townhouse at Kaoru's quiet insistence.

Maybe it was hoping too much that he wouldn't comment on the way Kojiro had embarrassed himself just now.

Kaoru put a hand on his thigh, supportive and comforting, but it didn't stay there long. "I don't know why we had to run out of there--"

"Who's running?" asked Kojiro quietly.

"That was running," his friend said patiently. "I would know. Running is… easier."

Kojiro didn't look at him, because he didn't want to deal with what he'd find looking back at him. It sounded like pity, but that wasn't the problem. He sighed deeply and stared at his shoes. "I hadn't seen her in six years."

"You were fine."

That made him shake his head, amazed that Kaoru would lie like that just to comfort him. A bit glad for the effort as well, perhaps. "No, I was a mess. That was terrible and I'm sorry you got to see that," he said, feeling like shit for dragging Kaoru into this. "After all this time thinking about what I would say, I made a fool of myself."

Kaoru didn't budge. "I don't think she noticed, and she probably thought about it just as much. You were there."

Sure, but Kojiro was neither blind nor the one trying to be nice here. Maybe Lauren had thought about him, about them, about what their next meeting would look like, but she hadn't been an awkward pile of expectations in a black coat. That had been all Kojiro.

"Six years? How did you meet?" Kaoru asked him quietly.

Kojiro had been avoiding this topic all night, but now that the worst had passed, he felt like he could finally talk about it. And he found himself wanting to open up to Kaoru, specifically. "In Italy. I was in culinary school, she was studying abroad and we hung out with the same people."

Kaoru chuckled. "Based on what I've seen, I can already imagine what that looked like."

"A lot of hanging out in public squares and skating parks," Kojiro replied, still fond of those memories. Those had been good years, filled with fun and exciting stories. "Mostly I was there just to skate at first, but she encouraged me to play more and more."

"Wise advice."

"Yeah. And she got really into graphic design, the first thing she really loved."

"She loved you as well, didn't she?"

He scoffed a little. "I've been wondering about that for a long time."

"So what happened?"

"I moved here with her. It was never my plan, like something I'd dreamed of, but she wasn't gonna stay in Italy and I…" Kojiro trailed off, looking up at the empty street and the quiet houses. All of the windows were dark, but they were close to a street lamp, enough so that his emotions must be clear as day on his face. "And it seemed fine, but she got a job offer in Philly."

Kaoru said nothing, just shifted in the spot by his side.

"So this idiot here decided to, you know…"

"Oh, no," he whispered and yeah, that was the right reaction. At least Kojiro could recognize that now.

"And I went to a store, bought this ring that cost me a fortune, and then spent all day dying to say those words. I think the box left an imprint on the palm of my hand," joked Kojiro in his most self-deprecating tone, just to lighten the mood. "And the thing is, I wasn't nervous at all. I was so excited, so-- I was… happy. Then I walked into our apartment and I just knew."

There was a pause before Kaoru prompted him to continue, saying "What did you do after that?"

"What could I do?" he asked back with another scoff. Kojiro felt so stupid. "She asked for a break and that was it. Crying or begging or serenading her wouldn't work, so I moved out of New York instead. This city was too full of memories, but I never loved it here anyway."

There was more, but Kojiro didn't want to get into it then. The truth was too big to face, so he pretended not to see it right in front of him.

"And that was it 'til tonight. It's funny, I got here at noon and I just… couldn't leave the station," said Kojiro, laughing at his own misery.

"Stuck in the middle until you got stuck with me, huh?" said Kaoru sweetly, and that was it, wasn't it? Somehow, Kaoru had been the brightest spot in his night so far and the mere thought of it ending now bothered him deeply.

Kojiro couldn't help but smile, though, because Kaoru was there beside him and he cared. "Am I stuck with you?"

Kaoru shrugged, smiling. "Sorry to tell you, but yeah."

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

He sighed, then turned more fully towards Kojiro. "This is wrong, though. You have to go talk to her."

"Ah, no, no chance," said Kojiro, getting up and away from those eyes. It was safer to be on the sidewalk.

"You came all the way here, you asked the universe for a sign and it gave you one. There was something there, Kojiro," insisted Kaoru, apparently really invested in this now. Maybe even more than he was.

"That was pathetic. Even I can see that."

"It wasn't," he tried with a weak smile, but relented when Kojiro glared at him. "Okay, maybe it was, but that doesn't mean you should give up."

Kojro was dragging his feet and he couldn't explain to himself why. That would take admitting things he wasn't ready to face, not right now. "Is that your motivational speech? 'Cause it needs some serious work. Besides, she's got a guy."

"What, Alex? I've seen dozens upon dozens of Alexs and they've got nothing on you."

Arching his eyebrows, he smirked at Kaoru. "Oh, really? You finally noticed?"

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Boy, your ego! Ugh. You know what I mean and you saw it in her eyes. That's worth at least trying."

"And what, get shot down and feel like shit?"

"You already feel like shit," reasoned Kaoru with a shrug. Then he looked away, at the houses and the empty street. "You have a chance here, a real chance. If you don't go, you'll regret it later. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, but not trying means you always get the bad ending."

That wasn't entirely aimed at him, but Kojiro decided not to say anything. Whatever his friend was working through, he wasn't ready to talk about it yet and, well, that sounded awfully familiar. Still, Kaoru's insistence bugged him a little. Not enough to put his foot down and tell him to fuck off, but enough to make Kojiro hesitate even more than before.

"You're worth a thousand of that guy."

Kojiro chuckled, already defeated but putting up some token resistance just to prolong this conversation. "Only a thousand?"

Kaoru shrugged again but there was an amused smile on his lips, like he knew. "He's tall."

"I'm tall," he offered, throwing his charm on him again.

"He's taller and you're stalling," Kaoru retorted with a chuckle. "She might not even be with him. She said 'I'm staying at the Soho Grand' and, besides, you're not gonna ask her to marry you."

"What if I do that by accident?" asked Kojiro, but his friend was right and they both knew it, at least about the stalling. There had been something there, but the real question was what that something even meant. He shook his head in wonder. "Why is it so hard to know how big a decision is before you make it?"

"I don't know. But you have to make those choices anyway," Kaoru replied quietly and didn't say the rest out loud.

He didn't have to.

They stared at each other for a while and Kojiro thought about his words, and about what going in there could mean. Maybe he would realize this was what he wanted after all, and he could try again with Lauren. Maybe he could be with her, but not here. Maybe… Kojiro would only know if he tried. "Fine. You win, I'll do it."

"Good," said Kaoru, standing up and extending a hand to him from the stairs.

Kojiro frowned at him. "You're gonna hold my hand through it? It's gonna get real awkward again, real fast."

"No, dimwit," he replied impatiently, stepping down onto the sidewalk. "Give me your shit to hold."

That way he couldn't run, he realized. Kojiro passed him his stuff and they walked back towards the bar, where he traded one last look with Kaoru before going in. He couldn't do it without his help, for better or for worse.

Kaoru had a lot of time to think, sitting outside that bar.

It was cold and someone would have probably handed him a drink in a matter of seconds if he wanted to stay inside. A handsome, single guy or even Oka and Hiromi, who would insist he sit there with them to chat. The thing was, Kaoru wasn't in the mood for any of that and, for once, the cold was welcome.

He'd sent Kojiro back in there, back to Lauren, and he…

That was the best course of action for everyone. They clearly had a lot of history and such a strong connection, even after all these years, that they would work if Kojiro really put in the effort. Lauren had seemed willing, if anyone asked Kaoru's opinion.

Kojiro deserved to be happy, even if he couldn't. That man deserved the world and then some. Kaoru had made his choice.

It just felt weird. Like something was out of place, like the world was eskew.

Why did this hurt him? It didn't matter because he wouldn't change anything, there was nothing to change, but the question remained. Why did he feel so bad?

Kaoru welcomed the cold, then, for company. To match what he felt inside.

He was idly thinking about this and about how tired he was when Kojiro stormed out of the bar. For a moment Kaoru didn't even realize it was him, walking past way too fast and without saying a word, but then it clicked. Scrambling to his feet in block heels and with his bags in hand, Kaoru rushed after him. "Kojiro? What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. We're having brunch tomorrow," he said, dripping with sarcasm.

"Okay? So why--"

Kojiro kept walking. Not like he was headed somewhere, but like he had to put physical distance between himself and… "All three of us."

Kaoru blinked. That didn't make sense. "She invited that guy?"

"Nope."

"She invited me?" asked Kaoru in shock.

"Nope!"

This was it. His patience had a limit and Kojiro had found it, so he grabbed the asshole by the arm and forced him to stop so they could look at each other. "Kojiro, talk to me."

"She's pregnant," he snapped, but his anger was aimed inward. "She's really happy for me and that we can be friends like this."

"I'm… so sorry, Kojiro, I feel awful," said Kaoru and he did, because something like relief had just settled in his chest and with it came a wave of shame that made him want to cower in a hole and die.

"But this is good, right? 'Cause you know what she said?" asked Kojiro, winding up in his rant and shaking his head in disbelief. "She said I'm finally getting the job of my dreams and that she's really happy for me. Guess she didn't know me that well, huh?"

Kaoru would ask him more about that later, but for now what he wanted was to comfort Kojiro. To be a good friend, if nothing else. "I feel so guilty for, just--"

"You should and-- fuck," muttered Kojiro, fists tight at his sides. "The worst part is that I'm not even sad."

That was… a bit of a surprise. Only a bit. "You're not?"

He shook his head, looking lost while bathed in the city lights. "I am, but not… not about her. Not about losing her, 'cause that's old news and I just refused to admit it. I'm sad for myself, for being so stupid and thinking that if we got back together, this would feel right."

"What would?" Kaoru softly, stepping closer.

Kojiro sighed, turning to one side and the other to look at everything but him. "Moving here, staying here."

And Kaoru understood, suddenly, his gaze falling to his shoes.

"I made the choice to come here, though, so I guess I have to make it work," he said, mostly to himself. "Thank you for showing me that."

"Don't thank me for that," Kaoru blurted out before he could think better of it.

Neither of them said anything, then, as his words resonated in the otherwise silent and empty street. They were both just quietly processing what that meant, avoiding each other's eyes. He hoped Kojiro would let it slide, because he couldn't break down right here and right now. There was too much baggage behind those words and Kaoru would like to continue ignoring it, rather than unpack it all and deal with it.

"What now?" he asked, and it sounded like begging to his ears. Begging for this not to end, not to be left alone, to stay together a little while longer. "We've talked about all of the important stuff. What's left?"

Kojiro stepped closer and linked their arms again, so they could comfort and warm each other. "Small talk."

He wasn't an idiot, and he wasn't blind either.

Kaoru had desperately needed him not to pry on why he'd said that, and Kojiro could respect that. He could, if he wanted Kaoru to stay. So they walked for a few blocks in a slightly more comfortable silence, now that they both were pretending the last bit of that conversation had never happened. This was a mostly residential area, it seemed, full of townhouses and not that many businesses. It was so different from the streets where he'd grown up, not just in style but also in feel. There was something about it that Kojiro couldn't quite put into words.

Something he missed dearly and he was now starting to accept - no, realize - he needed.

His talk with Lauren had been a disaster in many, many ways, but it had made one thing very clear to Kojiro. It was time to stop fooling himself that he was happy here. This wasn't his place, his world, and the things he wanted weren't here.

Sort of. That… that was a whole other, brand new can of worms.

"It's way past my bedtime," Kaoru commented with a sigh. "I can't remember when was the last time I stayed up like this."

"It's been a while, huh? I think we're both running on fumes by now," mused Kojiro.

"You should be sleeping. You're gonna be so tired for the interview tomorrow."

Kojiro shrugged, which jostled him a bit since they were still arm in arm. "Not sure I'm going."

"Why not?" asked Kaoru, rushing to add "It may not be your dream job, but you should still try it. You asked the universe for a sign."

He considered this, letting go so he could put his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, but the girl was the thing. It's just a job."

"No, it's not," said Kaoru pointedly and Kojiro arched both eyebrows at him, not expecting this. "You said it yourself, it's right up your alley and it's a place you admire. You're a chef and that's such a good opportunity."

A part of him, gnawing his insides with curiosity, wanted to ask why Kaoru was so determined to fix his life. It was like he was jumping at every opportunity to nudge him towards a decision, to give him some advice, in order to set him on the right path. Not like he wanted to control Kojiro or as if he knew best, though Kaoru probably felt that way a little bit.

What he said instead was "I don't want to work for someone else anymore, I want my own place."

Kaoru nodded, pensive, looking at him. "Maybe seeing how a place like that is run will help you get there," he offered, and when Kojiro didn't reply to that, he turned his eyes forward again. "Just food for thought."

He wasn't wrong, of course. Kojiro just wasn't sure if taking this job would help or just keep him stuck here. It was something to consider financially at least, because it would pay well and he needed money to open a restaurant. There was a lot for him to think about.

"Hey, Kojiro," said Kaoru excitedly, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks, literally. "Let's do it."

"What?" asked Kojiro, blinking at him, and then he noticed a sign that read 'psychic advisor' in red neon on a nearby window. "You're kidding me."

"I'm not! We've talked about the past, now let's talk about our future," said Kaoru, pulling him towards the stairs leading down into the apartment. "Some guidance wouldn't hurt."

"It's a scam, Kaoru. They tell you some vague, deep shit and your brain fills in the blanks."

Kaoru rolled his eyes at him. "What, you think I'm expecting a psychic to solve all of our problems? You're the one taking it too seriously, you oaf."

"And you're the one who thinks they're even open this late, asshat. What even is the point, then?"

He shrugged. "The point is, so what? The future will come regardless of what the psychic says, but maybe there's some good advice in there. You don't need to believe it's supernatural or magic for it to be useful."

"You put up tanzaku every year until college, didn't you?" asked Kojiro, narrowing his eyes and leaning closer in teasing.

"So what if I did?" Kaoru asked him back a little too defensively, and was that a blush or was it the sign's light on his face? As if to hide his totally-not-a-blush, he started down the stairs to the psychic's house. "Come on already."

There was a metallic click and, to their surprise, the apartment door below opened revealing an old man partially hidden in the dark. "Oh, hello."

"You're good," said Kaoru amusedly.

"Did you know we were coming?" asked Kojiro, unable to hide his sarcasm.

The old man stepped out into the streetlights, dressed in a dark red robe and a bit disheveled. "What? Oh! Oh, no," he said, holding up a big plastic bag. "It's trash day. Do you want a reading?"

They traded a look. This at least sounded like it could be fun. "We don't have any money," Kojiro informed him right out of the gate.

"I know," said the old man with a careless wave. "I had trouble sleeping, so I can use some company. Come on in."

They watched him go back inside, leaving the door open for them. "He knows?" asked Kojiro, keeping his voice low. "I don't know if I should be impressed or offended."

Kaoru just chuckled and led the way into the apartment. It was a very interesting place, a bit dark and moody, but not in an oppressive way or like a halloween shop. It just looked like the house of someone very old and a little eccentric, with many, many plants and tall bookshelves filled to the brim. It was the kind of place where words 'tchotchke' and 'kitschy' fit like a glove. The living room was separated from the rest of the house by a bead curtain, of all things.

In short, it didn't look like they were about to be murdered by some geriatric serial killer, so Kojiro was okay with it.

The psychic had them sit on the couch while he made himself comfortable on an old armchair. He looked much older under proper lighting, with a wrinkly face and a gruff, deep voice that conferred him an aura of wisdom by default. With a patient, friendly smile, he said "Okay. Who wants to go first?"

"Don't you use… something? Tarot cards, a crystal ball, anything?" asked Kaoru, sounding surprised and perhaps a bit disappointed.

"Oh, I used to. My wife thought it made the customers more comfortable if they actually saw me do something," said the psychic, unbothered, wriggling his hands in the air for effect. "But the truth is, all I really do is look at you. Tell you what I see."

Kojiro looked at Kaoru, seeing him nod once and shift a little. "Where's your wife now?"

"She passed," said the psychic calmly.

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Kaoru for both of them.

"It's alright," he said, seeming to be at peace with it and just smiling like a kind grandpa. "Okay, who's first?"

"Oh, him first," said Kaoru, pointing, at the same time as Kojiro said "Start with him."

"Okay, I'm seeing… a trumpet! You're a musician of some kind!" said the old psychic with some flair, making them both laugh.

"Quite a gift you got there," admitted Kojiro with a smile.

"Works every time. Even the skeptics!" he informed them, shaking his index finger cartoonishly like some kind of witch. Then his eyes focused on Kaoru, hands settling on his lap thoughtfully. "Alright, young man… What are we going to do with you? You're at a crossroads, my dear. You think you know exactly what your problem is, and you're exactly wrong."

That was not what Kojiro had been expecting, and maybe he wasn't alone in this. He sat quietly, watching as Kaoru asked "Why is that?"

"You think you're trapped by what's happening to you," explained the old man, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. "Actually, you've got choices. You're just afraid to look at them."

"Okay, what are they?" Kaoru asked softly.

"You could walk away."

This time, his words came out like a bit of a challenge, back straight and chin jutted out. "From what?"

"I don't know," said the psychic with striking honesty, gesturing back at him. "But you do. We can always walk away, and sometimes you should."

There was a short pause and Kojiro found himself considering those words himself. Maybe Kaoru was right after all.

"You could have a future with our boy, here," continued the old man, crossing his arms while giving them a look. Just a look, a very knowing look from someone who'd seen it all. "But no, I don't say that to every couple that walks in."

Kaoru looked at him, their eyes meeting for the briefest of moments, then turned back to their host. It must be written on their faces that they weren't straight or something, but the old man didn't seem to mind one bit. "Um, Kojiro is a terrific guy, but I'm actually married to somebody else."

"You asked me about your choices," he replied simply, uncrossing his arms. "I stand by what I see."

Breezing past that… insinuation? Tip? Nudge? What to even call it? Kaoru didn't linger on it, anyway, so maybe neither should Kojiro. "But what if the things that…" he swallowed, unsure, "that really matter… What if those choices aren't up to me?"

"You know the most important thing I learned after all my years of marriage? After an entire life with one person?"

"What's that?"

"That you can't allow the people you love," said the psychic slowly, to drive in his point, "to determine how you love."

And those were powerful words. They got under Kojiro's skin, and Kaoru huffed a little laugh, taking them in as well. "Easier said than done," he replied quietly.

"Sorry, no refunds," said the old man with a playful shrug.

Kojiro turned to look at Kaoru and found him doing the same, both of them smiling. That hadn't been so bad; quite enlightening actually. But the highlight for Kojiro had been understanding that, whatever else happened tonight, this wasn't all in his head. This thing between him and Kaoru, this connection they had been forging all night, this feeling inside his chest every time Kojiro looked to his side and found him there.

He had no idea what Kaoru was hiding, why he was still so upset deep inside. It must be big and old, nearly calcified in his heart at this point, for his reluctance to even talk about it. They had only just met a few hours ago, but it felt like they knew each other their whole lives. At least Kojiro felt that way, and every time his eyes met Kaoru's, he got the distinct impression that the feeling was mutual.

Kaoru turned to their host once again and said "Would you mind if I used your phone?"

"Oh, well, there's… " the psychic leaned on his chair, pointing at the bead curtain, "there's a phone in the room down the hall. Might give you a little more privacy."

"Okay, thank you," said Kaoru, hurrying to make his call. It was probably to check on his friend, to see if she had done whatever secret thing needed doing back in New Haven. Or maybe not, but it was better not to think about that now.

"Give Kojiro and I a moment to chat," continued the old man.

"Picking up any Powerball numbers?" he asked before the psychic could read him like an open book. Kojiro had had enough big realizations for the time being, thanks.

The psychic didn't budge, but didn't seem offended either. "I don't do races, roulette or Powerballs."

Kojiro had to actively try not to glance through the bead curtain and watch Kaoru, so it was better to focus on something else. Thankfully it was easy to pick another topic after that and just make small talk with the old man, asking about a picture on a side table and hearing about his wife.

Kaoru sat by an old dining table in the dim light and dialed Carla's number. He just had to make sure, just had to hear her say it was done.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me," he said, his heart pounding.

"Oh, my god, Kaoru," she rushed to say and the floor disappeared beneath his feet. "I've been calling and calling you, and-- Kaoru, I couldn't get the letter. There was no key."

No. No, that-- "What? It's under the turtle, it's always under the turtle, next to the lawn chair."

"This time it wasn't! I went there, I checked under the turtle and under the chair, in the bushes in case it got kicked there or something," Carla said desperately. "There was no key anywhere. Someone must have taken it."

"Uh, um, you can break in," Kaoru suggested because there had to be something, there had to be. "Just break in--"

Carla sounded just as anguished as he was. "I know! I tried that! I went to the back door, made sure no one could see me, and grabbed a rock from the garden to break the window but then the alarm went off!"

No.

"I panicked, I'm so sorry, darling, but I panicked and I ran. I think there were sirens and--"

"It's okay," Kaoru said, forcing himself to not sound mean to her despite the storm inside him. "You tried, honey, you tried."

"I'm so, so sorry, Kaoru."

"It's okay. It's, uh, god, it's already five a.m., so why don't you just get some sleep?"

"Alright, I… Okay."

"I love you, and thank you," Kaoru said and his voice came out strangled. "Now go rest."

"I love you too, darling. Bye."

He sat there for a long moment without knowing what to do. Everything was falling apart around him and Kaoru couldn't do anything about it, it was too late now. There was nothing else left, there was no hope, it was all lost. He stumbled in a daze towards the living room, stopping to lean against the wall just before the bead curtain. Kaoru couldn't breathe.

"But believe me, I'd sure try, if she was around. I was at this party, just after college and the music came on," the old psychic was saying. "It was Moon River. And then… here comes this girl… the most beautiful girl I had ever seen! She comes up to me… and just drags me right out onto the dance floor! I tried to-- I had no idea how to dance! But it didn't matter. I would've made an absolute fool out of myself just to spend one minute with her. And I did. And it all started… with a song."

"Wow," Kojiro said quietly and Kaoru felt himself tear up, covering his mouth to muffle it. "You guys seemed perfect."

"Well, Kojiro… there is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just have to pick who you want to struggle with."

Kaoru wiped the few tears that had already fallen with the back of his sleeve, then stepped out onto the living room feeling like his legs might give out at any second. They were looking at pictures, going through the psychic's albums like old friends. Kojiro had a sweet, gentle smile on his face until he looked up and saw him, and it immediately turned into a concerned frown.

"Is everything okay?" asked the old man, equally worried.

Kojiro grabbed his things and was up on his feet in an instant. "Yeah, it's-- we have to go. Thank you for… everything," he said, taking Kaoru by the arm very gently and walking him out of the apartment, holding him like he was going to crumble without assistance.

If the psychic said anything else, Kaoru didn't hear it.

He couldn't hear anything over the sounds of his heart breaking.

Nothing else mattered right now.

It was over and he was left stranded, alone, with nothing left to hang on to.

Kaoru couldn't think, couldn't see or hear or feel much outside of the chaos inside him, but he felt a strong arm around his shoulder and he heard a gentle voice telling him to sit. At some point the tears had started flowing and flowing, but now they were soaking a shirt that was not his own. Everything was falling apart around him, but…

"It's okay, I'm here."

With his hands clenched tight around fabric and his body shaking, Kaoru didn't feel okay. No words came out of him, only muffled sobs and whimpers.

"Just let it out."

He hated this, hated feeling like this, hated feeling weak and crying in front of someone he cared about. Hated feeling so lost.

"I suck at this, you know. I'd be much more comfortable trying to take your mind off of this."

"How?" Kaoru whispered, sniffling.

"Well, for starters I'd complain that I didn't get my reading after all;"

"You had time," he mumbled into the shirt he'd soaked with his tears.

"True, but I wanted you to be there for it, so I ended up chit chatting with the psychic about his life instead."

"You're an idiot," Kaoru told him and the arm around his shoulders tightened, pulling him closer.

"Maybe I am, but I still feel like that was a steal. Which is hilarious since we didn't pay him at all."

Kaoru pulled away and wiped his face with the sleeves of his coat, which he had no memory of putting on again after leaving the old man's apartment. When had he taken his glasses off? Actually, he had no memory of walking here at all, but they were at the waterfront now, sitting on a bench. There was no one else around and this place felt disconnected from the rest of the city, with its lights shining bright in the distance across the river.

Kojiro had brought him here. Kojiro had guided him, taken care of him, sat him down and let him cry on his shoulder until there was a wet spot on his shirt. Kojiro was still holding him, now with his arm loosely draped around Kaoru, grounding and protecting him.

"You said you didn't believe in that stuff," he mumbled, still shaky and a bit disoriented.

"Yeah, but I'm curious about my future now," replied Kojiro, shrugging one sided so as to not make him uncomfortable. They were huddled on the bench, Kaoru realized, and he was tucked against Kojiro's side like a small child or… "You wanna take a crack at it? Maybe you've got the gift as well and you don't even know it."

He chuckled, somehow, despite how devastated he felt. How was this possible? How did this kind of banter come so easily with Kojiro? "I can try, but I don't give refunds either."

"I'll take that offer."

Kaoru sniffled again, glad to divert his thoughts away from his own miserable life for a moment. "Your restaurant is a success, small and cozy, just the way you like it," he started, letting the words flow out as they came to his mind while Kojiro listened intently. "Everyone loves your cooking, they love to come see the chef because you're always there to greet the customers. You have a…"

"A Harley-Davidson? No, I'm a Ducati man," Kojiro piped in helpfully.

It made Kaoru chuckle again and shove at his shoulder, which jostled both of them a little. "A cat."

"Huh. Do I not look like a dog person to you?"

"No, you don't fool me. A cat, for sure. And you have functioning credit cards," he said pointedly, just to feel the rumble of his laughter from where they were still pressed together. Then Kaoru had to look away, because this was the hardest part. "And you fall in love with someone who deserves you, and cares, and trusts you."

Kojiro was quiet for a moment, probably thinking about it. Maybe imagining it, picturing what his place would look like and a person like Lauren at his side, someone that was bubbly and sweet but who actually loved him right. Who loved him for the person he was. "I'll tell you one thing," he said, pulling Kaoru out of his thoughts. "If I ever got that lucky, I wouldn't screw that up."

And there it was. No matter what, it always circled back to this.

Now, though, Kaoru needed to say this out loud. Not only did he owe Kojiro the truth, but he was also desperate to get it out of his chest, to be heard and reassured. He needed help to get through this and, more than anyone, it was Kojiro's support he wanted.

He needed to be honest with himself.

Kaoru took in one, two deep breaths and tried to keep his voice level. "Our seventh anniversary came around a few months ago and I wanted to make him a surprise, plan something like a romantic weekend because we don't do that very often. We work too much. So I went on his computer at home to check his calendar."

Kojiro just listened quietly, thumb idly brushing Kaoru's shoulder. Grounding him.

"He works at the consulate, so he's always very busy, even though Tadashi is always running errands for him. Everything Ainosuke thinks is unworthy of his direct attention, he leaves for Tadashi to do since long before I even met him. They--" Kaoru stopped to breathe.

He hadn't told anyone about this, not even Carla. As much as he loved her, it was just too much to even think about it for a while.

"I saw an email titled 'tonight' and I clicked it. It was from Tadashi, telling him of a meeting in a hotel room. And they usually travel together, so I was confused about why--"

"Kaoru…"

"So I read more and they talked, a lot. They talked through these emails during the day, like-- like love letters," he said, feeling his vision cloud again as the words came out faster and faster. "Ainosuke never told me some of those things. They shared so many secrets, so many inside jokes, and he…"

When Kaoru trailed off and didn't continue for a bit, Kojiro took a deep breath of his own. "And your marriage?"

"It was the same," he replied quietly, unable to look at his friend for the unbearable shame he felt. "I kept reading and I couldn't say anything, but it was eating me up inside. Every look, every joke, every time we made love, it was all… lies."

Sitting next to him, Kojiro swore under his breath and grit his teeth. The tension emanating from him was real and it seemed to be taking all of his focus not to say something cruel and vindictive right now.

"Then two days ago, Tadashi emailed him saying they should celebrate being together for fifteen years. Fifteen years."

"Fuck."

"I was furious, I was disgusted, I wanted to rip his heart out with my bare hands. So I wrote him a letter. I told him-- god, I was screaming inside and I wrote everything I felt and put it in an envelope," Kaoru said and he was breathing too fast now. "I took out my engagement ring and my wedding ring, and I put them inside, and I left the envelope on his pillow and came to New York like a huge coward."

"Hence the bar," Kojiro said quietly.

He almost laughed at his own fucking misery, but the tears started flowing again. "I wanted to get drunk and, I don't know, I wasn't-- In my mind, all I could think of was that I-- I gave him everything."

"Kaoru--" Kojiro started, but stopped when Kaoru shook his head.

"You don't get it," he rasped, watery and weak, so weak. All of his anger, all of his regret and doubt and fear were out and plain to see now. "My master disowned me and so did my family. I dropped everything, everything! Ainosuke wanted to live here, not me! And I was-- I gave up calligraphy and I gave up skating, all for him! I have nothing!"

"That's not true."

"Don't--"

"It's not and you know it," said Kojiro calmly, pulling him closer again to let him cry his heart out. It was warm in his arms, and it helped soothe him a tiny bit.

Kaoru whimpered against his shoulder. "It's over now. I couldn't get back in time and he's gonna read that letter and it'll be over."

"It's that bad, huh?"

"There's no coming back from that venom, that…" he hesitated, sniffling. "That resentment and hatred. I threw my life away, all of it."

Kojiro sighed, petting his hair soothingly as if he knew what Kaoru liked. It didn't exactly make things better, not really.

There was nothing left to say. There was nothing left to do but wait out the night and deal with the consequences of his choices in the morning. That… was a dire prospect.

It had taken a while for Kaoru to calm down enough to move, but eventually he had returned his friend's glasses and they had found a diner to sit in, too tired and cold to stay outside on a park bench. His shirt was all wet now, which sucked, but Kojiro wasn't about to say a word about it. Kaoru felt bad enough without his help.

So now they were sitting side by side again, under the bright and glaring lights of the diner, drinking coffee.

"Sometimes I wonder," Kaoru said quietly, looking at his own hands on the table. "Why… Why did he even marry me? I hate him so much."

"You can't do that," Kojiro tried, half pleading and half chastising. "Don't do that to yourself, Kaoru. You love him."

"I don't even know if he ever loved me."

"Hey, come on. He married you for a reason."

"You're not-- once you commit, you're not supposed to find somebody else," he said, staring out of the window. It was hard to tell where in that equation Kaoru placed himself. "It's supposed to be for life. You get one chance to choose right, one chance at love."

Kojiro had no idea what to say to that. Everything that crossed his mind would sound rude and insensitive right now, and would also drive Kaoru away. "You can work this out. The two of you, once you get home, you can talk, try counseling, or--"

"What if it can't be fixed?"

"Then you face it," he replied, trying to catch Kaoru's eyes and being steadily avoided. "At least you can say you were brave enough to do that and you held up your end of the bargain."

Kaoru was quiet for some time before he shook himself, as if trying to stay awake, and got up with a sigh. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Kojiro just let his head drop, hearing Kaoru's heels clicking on the linoleum floor. This was such a horrible, nasty mess and he couldn't do anything to fix it. It may not be his mess, but he cared too much about Kaoru not to be invested.

He cared too much about Kaoru, period.

It wasn't fair. Someone like him shouldn't be made to feel that way, shouldn't be in a situation like that with no hope to fix it. To think that he had accused Kaoru of cheating earlier, only for him to actually turn out to be the victim.

There was a lot he could say to Kaoru right now, but none of it would be helpful. In fact, most of it would make Kaoru kick him and he had a feeling that this time it would hurt.

Kojiro frowned.

He was taking a little too long in the bathroom. Call it sixth sense, call it whatever, but Kojiro suddenly had a feeling he knew where that idiot was. Exiting the diner in a hurry, he looked around and, sure enough, Kaoru was outside hailing a cab. Kojiro slammed the door shut just as he'd tried to open it. "Running is easier, huh?"

"Get out of my way, I have to go," Kaoru barked at him, wild eyed and shaky.

"Are you getting in or not?" asked the cabbie.

"He's not going anywhere, he's got no money," said Kojiro without taking his eyes off the sly fox.

"I just gotta sort this out, give me one second," Kaoru told the driver, clearly desperate. "Move, Kojiro!"

"What are you planning to do? Where are you going?"

"Anywhere! I-- I know some people at the Embassy, they'll send me home!"

"Home where?" demanded Kojiro and he winced, looking away. "To Okinawa? You can't fly, you've got no documents, you can't even prove you're Japanese."

"I'm outta here," said the cabbie, driving off.

"Fuck you!" Kaoru yelled after him, then turned ice cold eyes to Kojiro. "And fuck you, too!"

"Just listen to yourself! You can't do this, I'm not gonna let you!"

"Why?! What makes you think--"

"I know you."

Kaoru scoffed and looked away. "No, you don't."

"I know you and you will never be able to live with yourself if you don't go make things right, one way or another," Kojiro said because he had to. "You've been trying to get back all night."

"To avoid this!" he yelled, tearing up again. "So I wouldn't throw my entire life away and waste my only chance! I could have forgiven him, I could--"

"Kaoru, you can't know he won't ask you for that. You love him, you said--"

"You said I love him, I haven't said it for hours!"

Kojiro was stunned silent, watching him pace and shake his head in anger. "There's gotta be a better way," he tried, rather than address that statement.

"What, you got another bright idea? Any other crazy plans under your sleeve?" asked Kaoru, arms spread open defiantly.

"No, but right now I'm the best advice you have."

"Well, then I'm fucked," snapped Kaoru.

"What?"

Kaoru turned on him. "You heard me, if all I've got is life advice from some guy I met four hours ago, then I'm fucked! You're ready to blow off a huge opportunity because a girl dumped you how long ago? Because you want to have your own place even though you can't even pay your fucking credit cards right now?"

He looked away, not because he couldn't admit his life was a mess right now, but to avoid rising up to the provocation. The last thing Kojiro wanted was to fight with him like this.

"The only thing standing between you and the prize for being the biggest loser in New York right now is me! But don't worry, it defaults to you once I leave."

Kojiro should feel angry, should be offended and done with his shit, but it was Kaoru. He was hurting and what Kojiro actually wanted to do was pull him in for a hug, to ease his pain somehow. Most of all, he didn't want Kaoru to go and for things to end like this. It didn't really matter what those 'things' were.

It had already clicked for him anyway, that he'd never be the same again after this. Kaoru had already burrowed into his heart and made it his own. The rest just wasn't up to Kojiro.

So he swallowed hard, looking for the right thing to say. "I know it's cliche, but can we just take a minute and breathe?" Kojiro asked softly and Kaoru visibly deflated, all of that fight leaving him at once. "I know a place we can go and be warm, rest for a bit."

Kaoru's lips trembled and he simply nodded.

They sat side by side in the subway this time. Shoulder to shoulder, keeping each other upright.

This hotel was just as nice as the one where they'd crashed into that party. Just thinking about that made Kaoru want to pinch himself to see if this was a nightmare or at least a really weird dream. This was by far the longest night of his life so far and he was exhausted, to put it plainly.

Kojiro opened the door slowly, asking "Hiromi?" as he did and then walking in when no response came. The room looked about as cozy as any chain hotel room could.

"Where do you think he is?" asked Kaoru, a bit concerned despite having only just met the guy that night.

"Finally hooking up with Oka, hopefully," replied Kojiro as he dropped his things on the table. After a nice stretch, he motioned at the bathroom. "You can go first, I'm gonna order us some room service. You hungry?"

"Starving. Thanks," said Kaoru, actually excited to take a quick shower. "How are we gonna pay?"

Kojiro shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed to use the phone. "Charge it to the room? Hiromi kept that cash, so…"

He chuckled, satisfied with that answer. Just before he entered the bathroom, Kaoru stopped and licked his dry lips, feeling like he had to say something. "Look, Kojiro… I'm sorry for those things I said. That was… cruel and--"

"It's fine, Kaoru," his friend replied, full of a kindness he didn't deserve but desperately craved. "I get it."

"I'm not always that shitty."

"Only sometimes," Kojiro agreed and then laughed quietly at his eye roll. "What do you wanna eat?"

"You're the chef, I trust you," Kaoru said and ducked into the bathroom before he could look too hard into those words.

He turned the shower on and the bathroom started filling with steam, but Kaoru got a good look at himself in the mirror before it fogged up completely. Leaning over the sink and staring at someone that almost felt like a stranger, he felt like crying again.

Seven years.

This wasn't the life he'd dreamed of, the life he wanted. It was a good and comfortable life, but it felt hollow and false, had been feeling that way for a long time. He was caged and it was all his fault, his choice, all in the name of a feeling that had turned to ashes months ago. Maybe even before that. Tonight, though, he'd felt freer than ever before.

It was about time Kaoru came to terms with the fact that he wanted something else, that he wanted more. The psychic was right, he had other choices.

Standing under the hot spray with his hair tied in a messy bun, Kaoru thought about the choice waiting for him right outside the door.

It didn't take Kojiro nearly enough deliberation to decide on ordering some carbonara. It certainly wouldn't hold a candle to his own recipe, but it was solid comfort food. Few things could top a decent carbonara, let alone a good one, and this one just might be good.

Kaoru needed it. Maybe so did Kojiro.

However, having reached that conclusion, he was left with nothing to fill his mind but the man in the bathroom.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. Kojiro was very, very tired, mostly from the emotional rollercoaster they had gone through. This room was an oasis, a little island of warmth where they could be free of the pressures outside. In this room, they were just new friends about to eat some warm food and shoot the shit.

Kojiro was capable of not making this weird. Spending a couple of hours talking with Kaoru, just getting to know him and keeping his mind off of everything else. He could hold a conversation without baring his heart wide open.

On the bright side, at least now Kojiro would get to take this stupid tie off for a little while. That right there was more than enough to make him let out a relieved sigh. He loosened his tie, thinking longingly about a time when he used to skate around shirtless all night. That was a lot more fun. Then his mind moved to Kaoru again, like that was the inevitable endpoint of all of his thoughts now.

He was doomed.

Kojiro was so fucking doomed.

When Kaoru waltzed out of the bathroom, followed by a cloud of steam and wearing only a fluffy white robe, his heart didn't stop.

It raced.

It made him feel like a dumb teenager, slipping into the bathroom before it could get weird. A shower would help, maybe. If nothing else, Kojiro could at least smell good when he made a fool out of himself later, like he was apparently bound to. There was a robe for him to put on afterwards and it was definitely several sizes too small. Kaoru's glasses were left on the counter.

His heart kept pounding, demanding he do something about it.

Kojiro stepped out of the bathroom and spotted him by the window, idly watching the sleepless city below while playing with the sleeves of his robe. Thinking, waiting. His eyes searched the bright lights, distant and impersonal in the dark of night, like they could still solve his conundrum somehow. Like there was time to fix anything, though Kaoru didn't seem desperate anymore but resigned instead. Wondering what could have been, perhaps.

Kaoru's lips parted as he turned to face him, a small smile playing there for a moment at the sight of Kojiro in the hotel robe. It looked ridiculous and he shrugged with a smirk, knowing the thing was stretched beyond decency, just to make Kaoru chuckle quietly.

Then it was just the two of them, standing there, contemplating what a step forward would mean. It felt like the edge of a precipice and Kojiro wasn't sure if they had parachutes, or if he even needed one.

He walked closer to Kaoru, close enough to almost feel his hesitation resonated in him, but that was it. Kojiro didn't reach for him, didn't say a word to break the spell between them, and didn't try to make the first move.

All he did was breathe in the scent of his perfume, mixed in with the hotel soap they'd had to share. All Kojiro did was look into golden irises and wait.

With a deep breath, Kaoru moved closer and reached, uncertain, to place a hand on his chest. He licked his lips, looking up at Kojiro as if perhaps his eyes held the answer he was after. The moment lingered until Kaoru kissed him, soft and chaste and tentative.

It was the kind of kiss that breaks a heart.

Kojiro let him lead, only taking what he was given. Kaoru tasted faintly sweet, gently pressing their lips together while he grabbed onto the collar of Kojiro's robe. Not like he meant to push it out of the way, but like a lifeline. He cupped Kaoru's jaw, thumb brushing his cheek, and that voice in his head finally quieted. There was his answer, what he truly wanted.

Kaoru seemed like he'd deepen the kiss, like he was about to take the plunge, then pulled away. Their breaths mingled and his lips trembled, close enough for Kojiro to feel it. "I-- I can't," he mumbled, almost apologizing.

"I know," Kojiro whispered, pressing their foreheads together. He didn't want to break contact, foolishly trying to make this last for as long as he could, whatever this was.

"Kojiro," started Kaoru, but the words died just as they left his lips, strained and soft. When he finally pulled away to meet Kojiro's eyes, his were glinting in the low light.

Swallowing down all the stupid things he could say now, things that would ruin everything and leave Kojiro a broken mess with no place to crash, he forced a smile. "Biggest loser in New York, right?"

It made Kaoru chuckle again, shoving him playfully. "No, stop, I didn't mean that."

"You did and I deserved it," Kojiro said with a shrug, able to relax a bit now that the mood was lighter between them. Still, his eyes scanned the room to avoid staring at Kaoru, lest they show too much. "So, while the food isn't here, how about we improve the decor a bit?"

"Dibs on the big one," said Kaoru immediately, setting off in search of a sharpie. There were apparently complimentary pens, meant for filling out the handy hotel survey, stuck to the paper.

Kojiro scoffed and took one of the other boring, interchangeable paintings off the wall. "Joke's on you, I don't want that kind of pressure on my creativity."

Kaoru laughed, perhaps with a little bit too much gusto. He sat on the armchair with his legs up, folded like a pretzel and with his canvas propped against his knees. That couldn't possibly be comfortable, and he was still giggling.

"Okay, what is it?" asked Kojiro impatiently, working on his piece from the couch on the opposite side of the room.

"Oh, it's nothing," Kaoru replied, singsong.

Kojiro stopped scribbling to glare at him.

"I'm just genuinely surprised you didn't make a dirty joke," he continued without looking up.

"You fucking--"

"No, no, you've missed your chance now!"

"That's it, I'm drawing you," said Kojiro in his best wronged-toddler impression. "Gonna draw you eating shit like a dumbass."

"Somehow I doubt you have the artistic skill for that," mused Kaoru and it was only by chance that their eyes met when he glanced up from his work. This time, though, he just smiled. There was no avoiding this anymore and they were oddly comfortable with it now.

They continued ribbing each other through their drawing, then hung the paintings back without looking at what the other one had done. It wasn't his idea, of course. "I don't know if I can live without knowing."

Kaoru hummed, then shrugged. "Maybe one day, if you pester me long enough, I'll crack and tell you," he offered while climbing on the bed. "But you'll have to tell me yours too."

"Deal," said Kojiro, hearing his heart sing at the promise in those words.

Their food came and it was really nice. It didn't feel like a date, but like they were just friends sharing a meal and playfully kicking each other under the table. They just couldn't help it now that the floodgates were open and they felt so comfortable with each other. Kaoru didn't say anything, but Kojiro had picked one of his favorite dishes, because of course he had.

After that they just sat together on the bed and chatted, finally getting to the small talk after all that.

Kojiro started telling him stories about his friends, about the places they used to hang out and the shit they got up to. It was nice, pleasant in a way that talking or even thinking about home hadn't felt in a long time. There was still a long way to go before it would stop hurting, but it felt bearable with Kojiro there.

"And his makeup was running, which, let me tell you, is not a pretty sight," Kojiro was saying, hand hovering over his face as he put his tongue out and tried to look mean.

"I bet, I'm already gonna have nightmares from your rendition," replied Kaoru, laughing at his and Hiromi's expense. He poked Kojiro with his foot. "You know, past me would have picked a fight with those guys and dragged you into it."

"Huh?"

"Near the station. Like, nineteen me? Cherry Blossom, gang leader?"

"No!" said Kojiro, certainly laughing at the mental image. "Tell me more about this Cherry Blossom, I feel like I like him already."

"I would have kicked your ass."

"I'd have challenged you and I'd have won."

"You haven't even seen me skating!"

"Right back at you!"

Kaoru lost it, slipping from where he was propped on the pillows until he was laying on the bed, cracking up. "You must be pretty slow, with those big gorilla muscles," he managed, mid laughter.

Kojiro raised an eyebrow and smirked at him, making him blush a little. "I feel like it's so bizarre that we never ran into each other back then."

"It's not such a small town," Kaoru reasoned, looking at him and imagining what he must have looked like back then. "You said the others are from there too, and I never met them either."

"True. But you knew about Dope Sketch before you left, right?"

"I heard about it, but by that point I wasn't buying much skating stuff, to be honest. I had already stopped hanging out late and taken all of my piercings off."

That was apparently very unexpected. "What, piercings? You?" Kojiro asked, blinking and frowning at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kaoru retorted dangerously, eyes narrowed and smile gone.

"Well, you just look too fancy for that kinda stuff now," said Kojiro, clearly choosing his words carefully. Kaoru glared at him a bit more, but that was a fair assertion. "You have more of a PTA mom style these days."

Kaoru lunged at him armed with a pillow and Kojiro nearly rolled out of the bed trying to flee. That started a short pillow fight that ended with them even more disheveled than before, laughing and panting. It was incredibly childish, but it was so much fun to just let go like that.

A little while later, they were both laid on their stomachs filling out the survey. It felt like a good idea, a fitting closing note for the night in general if not for the two of them. It wasn't over for them… not yet.

"Thank you for your stay, please help us improve," read Kojiro out loud, nonchalantly biting the end of his pen. He smirked, giving Kaoru a side glance like he knew what was on his mind. "Appearance."

"Decent," he decided with a slow nod.

Kojiro continued, ticking boxes as they went on. "Sure. Cleanliness. I'd say 'much improved', right?" he said, poking the collar of his own robe. It was very out of place, more like a huge cleavage at this point.

Kaoru snorted, feeling his cheeks burn, then read the next item on the list. "Decor."

"Well, it was kinda boring, but we fixed that shit!"

The next one was a big one. "Would you be likely to return?" he asked quietly, leaning just a bit closer to Kojiro to look at him. There was a lot left unsaid there, in the air between them, but his lovely red eyes were full of patience. "Let's leave that one blank."

"Good idea," whispered Kojiro as if sharing a secret with him. "How would you rate your overall stay," he read and gave Kaoru a look, smiling at him and definitely making him blush on purpose. Now that it was out in the open, sort of, his eyes were always on Kaoru and he liked it, a lot. "Exceeds expectations."

"Good survey," declared Kaoru, chuckling for some reason. It just bubbled out of his chest, unbidden.

Kojiro playfully tossed the pen across the room and the survey paper up in the air.

He rolled to the side, both of them laughing again, and then once it died down they just stayed there. Close, but not touching. Kaoru wondered how this could be possible, how his heart could be filled with such conflicting feelings and still be at peace. "Isn't it weird?"

"What?" asked Kojiro, laying with his cheek pressed to the bed, facing him. His hair had turned into an unruly mess that Kaoru was kind of dying to comb his fingers through.

He bit his lip, curling up closer to him, otherwise content to just be near with his hand placed between them on the bed. "How can one of the worst nights of my life also be one of the best."

"I don't know," replied Kojiro with a shrug, not sounding dismissive in the slightest.

"Maybe…" Kaoru started, looking for the right words. "Maybe that's fate, correcting it's course."

"You believe in that?" asked Kojiro as he gently pushed some hair behind his ear, his hand only lingering a little bit on Kaoru's face. No judgment, no joke, just him, understanding and sweet.

"I feel like I want to," he confessed with a sigh.

Kojiro was quiet for a moment. "You know why I stuck around? In this country, I mean."

Kaoru shook his head lightly.

"I thought there was no reason to go back. Just missing it didn't feel like enough."

"So you stayed," whispered Kaoru, taking his hand and lacing their fingers.

He gave Kaoru a lopsided smile. "It wasn't enough."

During the entire cab ride to the station, their hands were clasped together. Kaoru kept his gloves on his lap, so Kojiro got to enjoy the warmth and softness of his hand for a little while longer. They fit so well together.

Neither of them knew what to say, so they said nothing. If they were both a bit teary eyed by the end of the ride, that was nobody else's business but theirs.

There were a lot of people at Grand Central now, coming and going and chatting. They were just two more strangers in the crowd, taking as long as they possibly could to reach their destination so goodbye wouldn't come too soon. Kaoru had only let his hand go long enough to get off the cab, but his gloves stayed off. It was just a little bit of contact, but every time Kojiro brushed his thumb over Kaoru's hand, the tiniest hint of a smile appeared on his face and that could keep him going for a lifetime.

He guided them towards the platform, but made a small detour for a nearby payphone. They stood on either side of it, facing each other, in a little bubble all of their own. The rest of the world simply vanished around them. Yes, Kojiro was a sap, he was a big old softie, and if there was someone he wasn't ashamed to show this side of himself, it was Kaoru.

This would make things a bit easier, hopefully.

Kojiro looked at him, really looked at him, and there was his heart going off again like a fireworks show. Especially as Kaoru smiled sadly at him, all watery and trembling. So he picked up the phone and put it to his ear. "Hey, me. It's you, again. Listen, I need to tell you one more thing. You're gonna be in Grand Central one night, trying to distract yourself with music so you don't have to go face your past."

Kaoru shook his head with a dramatic, tired huff, but his eyes told another story.

"And you're gonna meet somebody, and at first he's gonna seem," he considered it, then smiled despite himself, "icy, a bit lofty. You're gonna know right away he's trouble, and just the kind you like too. He's gonna take all of your money, then get you punched in the face like an idiot. Oh, I'm sorry, he calls you dimwit, my bad."

That earned him an eye roll as Kaoru tried not to laugh, and failed miserably. It was good to see him like that, even if it wasn't the happiest of laughs. Kojiro wished he could take a picture, so he could look at it whenever he missed Kaoru. Because he would.

"But stick with him. There's a reason for you two meeting like that. And, at the end of the night, you're gonna want to say some things to him," Kojiro took a deep breath, unable to take his eyes off Kaoru. "Things that would… ruin the moment. Just, don't. He can see it all on your face anyway."

Kaoru seemed to have to look down at his feet, drawing in ragged breaths to try and control himself. They were both sniffling a bit.

"You just… just don't screw it up. You kiss him, and send him off so you can both deal with the shit you've been in denial about. That-- that's all."

Before he could hang up his fake call, Kaoru grabbed his hand and took the phone from him. "Um, hey, Kojiro? This is Kaoru. Don't pay your credit card bill that month, okay? Bye," he said softly, looking into Kojiro's eyes. "He said he wasn't planning to."

"Well, you know him," said Kojiro, placing his hand on top of Kaoru's as he hung up. They laced their fingers like they'd been doing this for ages, like this was second nature already, and Kojiro kissed his hand. "He's a mess."

"Good. That makes two of them," he retorted, nodding at the phone.

Kojiro didn't dare let go, instead softly cupping Kaoru's face with his free hand to kiss him. It hurt more than the first time, and it also felt like a gentle balm on his soul. This kiss tasted salty from tears and his lips, their lips, spelled so many things both of them had left unsaid. It would be better this way. It still felt wrong to part, to feel each other's breath and know that they had to go their separate ways, but this was how things had to be.

Kaoru smiled, he could feel it even if he couldn't see it, and Kojiro could swear there was no one else in the world but them at that moment.

If only their little bubble could last forever. Or not. This was for the better. He just had to keep telling himself that until his heart stopped aching, missing a piece but with another in its place.

"Go," said Kojiro against his mouth. "Good luck."

"Thank you," Kaoru replied, caressing his cheek, then took a deep breath and left. He glanced back after just a few steps, but didn't stop despite the look in his eyes.

Kojiro watched him go.

Part of him wanted to run after Kaoru and stop him from getting on that train. Another, stronger part of him knew not to. Kojiro just stood there, watching, bleeding from the heart.

The sigh Kaoru let out when he finally sat on the train was one of exhaustion. The next four hours would probably be spent sleeping, not because he wanted to or even felt like resting, but because his body would demand it. Everything hurt, everything felt just a little bit off kilter, and while his mind was still racing, it wouldn't be for long. His face was still wet with tears he couldn't bring himself to dry. People were looking at him weird and it didn't matter because he couldn't. Not yet.

He settled in his seat and breathed in deeply, willing his muscles to relax.

When his eyes closed, it was Kojiro's face he saw and it made him tear up again.

Kaoru adjusted his coat, trying to make himself comfortable, and felt something out of place.

Reaching inside one of the pockets, he found a slip of paper, folded in two so it would fit. The hotel survey they had filled in together. His eyes scanned it, seeing the marks Kojiro had made on the paper and the question they had left unanswered.

Would you be likely to return? [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Maybe

That devious gorilla had probably tucked this into his pocket just before they left the hotel, while Kaoru was in the bathroom. It was just like him to do something like this.

Then he read a message scribbled on the bottom of the page. it said 'turn me over' in Kojiro's handwriting, messy but cute, just like him.

So Kaoru turned it over and it made him smile through his tears.

Sia la Luce, I'll be waiting