Chapter Text
MAYA: I’m coming over after dinner. Think your parents will be ok?
Danielle blinks at the text message on her screen. Proper punctuation and complete sentences. Yup, definitely law school material.
Maya texted a few times over the past months, but it always felt stilted and uncomfortable, full of rhetorical questions and concise answers: I got into law school. See you soon? Yeah sure. My mom says hello. Every word charged with the self-awareness of the sporadic nature of their communication.
This is different, however. Danielle feels different, somehow.
She knows Maya is expecting an instant answer now, an acknowledgment of a renewed connection when she held her hand in the van, and they looked at each other―really looked at each other, masks and pretenses and ulterior motives dropped, and offered a drop of reassurance in a sea of chaos to one another.
They dropped off Maureen first, then Max and Kim, with their non-stop crying baby at their shiny, big, stupid house, and after what felt like the world’s longest drive of all time, finally they arrived at their street. Maya’s house just a couple of blocks from hers.
The hand holding had stopped once Katherine could maneuver in her seat, giving them a few inquisitive looks, but the feeling didn’t. The soothing comfort, the knowingness floating in the air. It made Danielle smile genuinely for the first time of the day. No power move, no mind games, no distraction. Suddenly, the forced proximity inside the van wasn’t agonizing, not for them.
“We should talk, don’t lose your phone again,” Maya whispered before leaving with her mother.
Danielle didn’t leave the phone out of her sight for the rest of the day and through dinner. Maya made good on her promise and texted.
DANIELLE: yeah it’s cool. mom took her sleeping pill
DANIELLE: how did you get away from katherine? is she ok with u coming over?
MAYA: I may have used your … breakdown earlier as an excuse.
MAYA: And exaggerated the state of your well-being.
Of course, Danielle thinks. Katherine loves flaunting Maya’s benevolence most of all. Maya, so kind and helpful―which Danielle read as: Look how well I raised my daughter, hint, hint. Those are the roles everyone assigned to them and probably expected for the rest of their lives: Danielle messes up, Maya is always here to help.
And Danielle hates how often it proves to be true, how inevitable and comforting.
DANIELLE: k
MAYA: It was for a good cause.
MAYA: And don’t ‘k’ me, you know I hate that.
MAYA: I’m outside now.
Danielle sighs, she goes downstairs and checks on her father, nodding off in front of the TV. Debbie was already asleep in her parents’ bedroom.
She walks quietly and opens the door.
Maya stands on the doorstep, cradling a box of wine. She changed into a blue navy summer dress, with a black leather jacket over it, wearing sneakers instead of boots. As casual as Maya would allow herself to be when she’s back home―it was infuriating really, how well put together Maya is at any moment of the day. Infuriating, and so very hot, Danielle admits to herself.
“Hey,” Maya says, then hands her the boxed wine. “It’s disgusting but it’s all I could find at the store. We need the liquid courage for this.”
Danielle doesn’t dare to ask what this is exactly. She lets Maya make her way into the house, quietly they go upstairs inside Danielle’s room.
As Danielle closes the door and leans against it, Maya is surveilling the room. It annoys Danielle sometimes, this compulsive habit of Maya, to inspect everything like a detective at a crime scene.
“Katherine wouldn’t approve of you being in my room with the door closed, you know.” Danielle can’t help it sometimes, trying to poke at Maya, mostly because Maya is so impossible to unnerve.
“No sleepover is all she said,” Maya responds, cool and composed. She lets out a small laugh. “I missed this room.”
“You hated how messy it was. You’re just nostalgic.”
Maya turns and gives her a pointed look, almost a sad smile that feels excruciatingly sincere. “Nostalgic, maybe.”
Then Danielle feels Maya’s eyes on her, and her damn burning gaze, practically undressing her.
“Cute jammies.”
Danielle looks down at her Lilo & Stitch-patterned pajama shorts. “Yeah.”
“So.”
“So.”
Maya lets out a deep breath. “It should not be this hard to have a conversation.”
“You were plenty chatty at the Shiva.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to fight or whatever the fuck we usually do,” Maya says.
“Ok,” Danielle says. She opens the boxed wine and sits on her bed. “Let’s just … like drink and talk … and not do whatever the fuck we always do.”
Danielle smiles innocently at Maya’s squinting eyes. Whatever the fuck we always do usually implied a sleepover.
Maya walks slowly and joins her on the bed. “I’ll be taking summer classes online, so I’m staying home for the summer until I find a place in the city. Just thought you should know.”
“Ok. That’s interesting.”
“Is it … interesting?”
“I’m sure Katherine will keep a close eye on you. I’ll be home too, after my last exams, until I figure―I mean, like, decide what to do.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Yeah.”
Maya takes a sip from the boxed wine and grimaces at the taste. “Well, FYI, Katherine won’t be around. She’ll spend some time at my aunt’s, in the Catskills.”
“Hmm.” Danielle just hums and looks over the window, she can feel Maya’s eyes roll at her.
But Maya stands up, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know what I thought—”
Danielle takes her by the arm and makes her sit again. She doesn’t let Maya ponder, and leans in, brushing her lips against Maya’s, the kiss more tender than the one they exchanged earlier, the sensation still the same―like striking a match, a spark instantly growing into a flame.
“I was just… toying with you. You know, like be less sensitive or whatever,” Danielle says against her lips.
And Maya doesn’t even make a retort this time. She gasps before turning the delicate kiss into a frenetic exploration, suddenly her fingers are buried in Danielle’s hair, pulling her closer and keeping her there. This part of them resists every change their relationship endures and every shape it takes―childhood friends, girlfriends, exes, enemies or friends ―through it all, this could never change, Danielle is sure. Their bodies would know what to do when words fail them.
“Fine, Dani,” Maya says after the kiss, chewing on the corner of her lip, and that particular motion always makes Danielle’s stomach flip.
When they hear the sound of steps outside the room, Maya straightens. Danielle steps up and lands her ear against the door, recognizing her dad’s footsteps and her parents’ bedroom door closing.
Danielle looks back at Maya with a smirk. “So we’re both home for the summer.”
“Yep,” Maya replies then clears her throat, “Ok, so like … will you still do the whole … thing with those old—older guys,” she says, nodding towards Danielle’s phone.
Danielle stays silent for a moment, thinking about The Danielle Shiva Meltdown (that’s how she imagines the people attending will refer to it in future gatherings). How the entire day felt like an elevator dropping all the way to hell, her very own Inferno trip, how it still feels like a fever dream with Maya here, in her childhood bedroom, eyes all hopeful, after kissing her senseless. She thinks about Maya’s hand in hers, and maybe that’s all she needs for now.
Maybe one day, that’s what she would remember from all this―Maya’s lips on hers, her hand in hers, and her smile. It would morph into a comforting memory instead of a panic-inducing one.
“I think I’m like, taking a break from all that,” Danielle finally says.
Maya smiles. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Get your ass over here, I wasn’t done with you,”
“Rude, Maya.”
“Don’t be a baby.”
As soon as Danielle sits down, Maya presses her lips fully against Danielle’s, smiling into the kiss. Danielle’s hands slide into Maya’s hair, and she sweeps her tongue against the seam of Maya’s lips. Maya’s eagerness for her never fails to turn her stomach into butterflies. Instinctively, Danielle tilts her head and lets Maya trail deliberate kisses over her jaw and then her neck. A slow, pleasurable torture, with full determination and decisiveness, like everything Maya does in life, leaving a trace of her tongue, then a nip of her teeth, and Danielle inhales sharply. Maya’s hand slides over her leg until she reaches her pajama shorts, Danielle covers it and helps it slide over. And it’s so easy, so good and so much.
Maya’s breaths are shorter and Danielle knows she’s fighting a battle, once Maya’s hand slides down her shorts, it’s a whole other story.
Maya stops her hand and drops her head against Danielle’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, if we keep going … we won’t stop and I have to get back home.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Danielle painfully drops her hand too, still feeling dizzy but Maya is still smirking. They take a moment to recover.
“Hey, you know, those photos were really hot.”
Danielle shrugs. “What photos?”
“On your sugar, whatever profile. I mean, a bit too male gaze-y but still … really hot.”
Danielle just looks at Maya, knowing how she does this, this teasing game they so easily fall back into to fill any void.
“I mean,” Maya starts again and Danielle feels the punch coming. “I prefer your hair au naturel but I guess old dudes always picture girls with shiny straight hair in their little fantasies.”
Danielle greets her teeth. Maya is prodding, looking for a reaction, maybe a fight. Because they can’t help themselves, it’s who they are.
“So what, like, when you straighten your hair for Columbia Law or for Jewish grandmas, it’s valid or something, but doing it to, I don’t know, just to feel hot and desired, is doing it for guys and sex?”
“Fucking hell, Danielle. That’s not what I said. Like I’m literally thirsting after your pictures, and telling you that I find you so incredibly fucking hot just the way you are. You don’t have to be so defensive all the time.”
Danielle sighs, she uncrosses her arms, because she’s tired of fighting today. “Is it always going to be like this? Us?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” Maya replies then casts her eyes down. “I guess I always assumed I knew everything about you, so today kinda threw me for a loop. All these new things I had no idea about. I felt like I did something wrong or I missed something―”
“Not everything I do is about you, Maya.”
“I know.”
“Sometimes it’s my own fucked up shit.”
Maya nods. “Okay. Got you.”
Danielle reaches for Maya’s hand, and twines their fingers together. “I have this final next week. I thought we could like, maybe, meet up after and get coffee?”
“Like a date?” Maya says wryly.
“Like a date or something.”
“Okay.”
“Cool.”
“Awesome.”
Danielle is always amazed when Maya honest-to-goodness blushes, and thinks there’s no more beautiful sight in the world.
“I should probably go before―”
“Katherine barges into my house with FBI agents, yeah.”
Maya stands up and walks toward the door.
“I’ll walk you downstairs.”
“No, it’s ok. It’s safer if I go alone, don’t want to wake up your parents. Plus, I want to kiss you goodnight.”
Danielle smiles. “Okay.”
Maya’s hand is on the door handle and she stops. “Hey, in case you miss taking nudes in your break or whatever, I wouldn’t mind, you know, if you send them to me. Like if it’s therapeutic for you.”
Danielle smirks. “Therapeutic for me? Really?”
“Yeah. Like, if you’re feeling some kind of nudes-taking withdrawal.”
“I’m not a sex addict,” Danielle says, raising an eyebrow and chuckling. “But fine. You shall receive plenty of poorly lit bathroom nudes I guess.”
“Score.”
“You’re worse than a horny teenage boy, you know that?” Danielle says and joins Maya by the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Maya smiles, and cups Danielle’s face in her hands, kissing her. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
“Goodnight Maya.”
“Goodnight Danielle.”
Maya opens the bedroom door, and Danielle follows her with her eyes as she walks downstairs. She waits until the door closes and Maya leaves, and walks back to her bedroom.
Danielle lets herself fall into her bed, and life still feels like falling, but maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be anyway, like loving someone, like loving Maya: falling, flying, floating. A miracle amidst gravitational inevitability. The most wonderful of things when everything else is terrifying.