Chapter Text
There was a fine line between love and hate. Sunoo was the type of person to either experience one extreme or another; he could never feel just “half-way” about someone.
Either he invested all of his energy into figuring out how they ticked, eveloping them with warmth, devoting himself to embracing this person into his circle of most treasured individuals— or, he poured all of his energy into figuring out the most inconspicuous way to slip a slow acting poison into their tea.
There was a fine line between these two alternatives, and he toed it very carefully with each new person he met before deciding which side to land on.
As soon as he laid eyes on Park Sunghoon, it was his heart, rather than his mind that firmly decided upon the former option. Sure, maybe Sunoo’s judgments were rooted in some very shallow foundations when it came to matters like this. Sue him. That boy was carved from marble.
It took exactly one horrendous, most humiliating, utterly blood-boiling interaction to send Sunoo falling, stumbling, somersaulting head over heels over into the dark waters of utmost loathing.
Said interaction went a little something like this:
“I want to be closer to you too, hyung,” said the boy who was decidedly cuter than Sim Jaeyun.
“No thanks,” replied the boy who would not know a friend worth making if said friend reached over into the sud-filled sink and splashed soap into his eyes.
But Sunoo did not splash soap into Sunghoon’s eyes. He let the sound of the running faucet wash other him, smoothing away his simmering rage until he could open his mouth without wanting to cry, or scream, or perhaps some particularly unmelodious combination of the two.
“Understandable,” he said smoothly. “Have a nice day.”
And he walked away without pausing to look back at Sunghoon, who had suddenly gone very still. Within a few moments, he was already out of the room entirely— such was his haste.
Hence, he did not hear the loud, resounding clatter as Sunghoon dropped the plate he was holding into the sink, staring down at his pink-gloved hands and wondering what the hell he had just said.
—
Okay. So maybe he went ahead and fell for Sunghoon anyway, despite his better judgment. Even though they hadn’t had a civil conversation since that day— or really, since ever, as the sink fiasco could hardly be considered friendly.
He couldn’t help it. Sunoo, like any sound-minded teenage boy with a sexual preference for men, was attracted to the expected assortment of traits: out of this world looks, mind blowing talent, earth-shattering competence.
So yes, the line got bent and distorted, just a little bit. But Sunoo still had his pride to consider, one of his most prized possessions. So he made up for his rather stupid emotions, by— on all levels except internal— despising the ever loving crap out of Sunghoon.
And Sunghoon, to his credit, gave as good as he got.
After a while (as in, after endless bickering, withering glares, and cold aloofness), Sunoo’s crush really did fade away, and melted into something more in line with his carefully put upon act.
Was he beautiful and talented? Sure. But so were the other I-Landers. And by god, was Park Sunghoon an ass.
By the time they debuted as a group, as the seven members of Enhypen, Sunoo had finally, and very firmly established this fact in his head.
He was never going to let that boy into his heart again.
***
[En-Himbos]
Wonie:
Tomorrow is the 14th
Park Sunghoon:
And?
Wonie:
It’s couples dayyyyy
Jay:
Yeah yeah, just like it is every month :/
How wonderful to be EXTRA single 12 times a year
Jake:
Any plans loners?
Hee:
We’re recording tomorrow, what plans could we have smh
Riki:
I propose we binge on candy after finishing our schedule ^^
Hee:
ofc u would
Jay:
have fun, I’ll be sleeping ass soon as we get back thx
Park Sunghoon:
Ass
Hee:
Ass
Jake:
Ass
Jay:
fuck u guys
Wonie:
Ass
Jay:
Wonie t_t
Wonie:
Sunoo hyung, what about you?
Me:
hm?
oh um
well this is kind of unrelated but
and I realize the timing of it all is a bit… awkward .
I actually need to tell you guys something
— Group Meeting —
“So why’d you want to talk to us, hyung?” Jungwon asked. They were gathered in their living room where they held all their group meetings, whether planned or spontaneous. This one being quite the latter.
Jungwon, of course, already knew exactly what this was all about. Sunoo had come to him first, both as a leader and a friend. In the end, they had decided that the best thing to do was for Sunoo to tell the whole team once he was ready.
And Sunoo, in a burst of confidence, decided that the time to get everything off his chest was as soon as possible.
“Is something the matter?” Jay was sitting across from him in the circle, looking slightly worried. Next to him, Sunoo couldn’t help but notice, Sunghoon was staring straight ahead with a blank expression. His eyes were dark and undecipherable.
Sunoo wet his lips nervously.
“I know that this might seem a bit ridiculous,” he began, twisting his hands together in his lap. “I’m not an idiot, and I know that you guys aren’t either, and that you’ve probably already figured it out by now.”
Six faces blinked at him uncomprehendingly. Sunoo sighed.
“But I needed to come out and say it. Cause like, it’s best not to just leave things unspoken and give them the potential to… I don’t know what. I don’t want any secrets between us. That’s not the kind of group relationship I want to have.”
“Sunoo hyung, what is it?” Ni-ki looked uncharacteristically grave. On the inside, he was screeching in anticipation.
(He didn’t voice this out loud, but he had the inkling that Sunoo was about to reveal some dramatic, dark secret. E.g., vampirism.)
Sunoo closed his eyes. “I’m gay.”
There was a long, dreadful silence.
“To be honest, I thought he was going to confess to attempted murder or something,” came Jake’s voice. Sunoo’s eyes flung open.
“Who would I murder?!”
Heeseung let out a deep sigh of relief. “I thought he was going to say he secretly hates us all.”
“I do not hate most of you!!”
“I thought he was going to come clean about being madly in love with me,” Jay remarked sadly.
There was another silence, full of disdain, directed towards Jay.
“What?” he said defensively. “Like he said, we all knew it already. I wanted to know the juicy stuff.”
“If there was anything juicy,” Ni-ki snorted, “it wouldn’t be a crush on you.”
“Well,” Jungwon finally spoke up, wincing at Sunoo’s open-mouthed expression. “I can’t defend these idiots, but I can tell you that it turned out all right just like I said. Nobody thinks of you any differently, hyung.”
“Of course not,” Jake emphasized. “To be honest, I’ve had my suspicions about half of you.”
“I think that’s enough honesty for today,” Heeseung muttered.
“We support you.”
Sunoo’s stomach did a strange little flip. That last comment had come from the unlikeliest of sources— from a tight-lipped Park Sunghoon, who was looking painfully awkward.
It was the most straightforward assertion of acceptance he’d received (though he knew the other members sought to put him at ease in their own ways). However, considering the stiff delivery, and coming from the boy who looked like he would rather be anywhere else, Sunoo didn’t know whether he should take it at face value.
“Um. Thanks,” he replied, his voice equally pained.
Jungwon looked back and forth between them rapidly, looking equal parts amused and panicked. Sunoo decided to put the strange Park Sunghoon interaction aside for now and conclude what he had planned to say.
“I just want you guys to know that- that I’m not like, going to fall for any of you or anything.” His fingers played with the hairs at the back of his neck as he trained his eye contact on the floor. “Like obviously, that’s not—”
“So you’re saying I’m still going to be single for Couple’s day?” Jay interrupted, his face twisted in melodramatic grief.
Ni-ki immediately started guffawing, falling back onto the floor until his head collided against the tiles with a painful sounding thud.
Jungwon gave Jay a look that said ‘Really, hyung?,’ Jake placed a comforting hand on Sunoo’s shoulder while Heeseung surveyed the rest of their antics with disgust, and Sunghoon—
Sunghoon had gone very, very still.
“Park Jongseong, why don’t you put a box of chocolates where your mouth is,” Sunoo joked. He felt most of the tension sap out of his body at the playful reception he was receiving.
He was grateful for the lighthearted banter— it made him feel like nothing had truly changed at all. A weight lifted off of his chest; ease settled into his bones.
“Don’t tease me just to break my heart,” Jay swooned, continuing their back and forth. Sunoo giggled.
Sunghoon abruptly shot to his feet, startling everyone. They craned their necks to look up at him, barely catching a glimpse at the storm gathering on his face, where there had previously only been stoicism.
“What—” Jake started.
But he was addressing nothing more than the boy’s retreating back.
Sunghoon left without a word, stalking towards the bathroom without sparing a single glance in Sunoo’s direction. The door didn’t slam, but it didn’t close quietly, either.
They all looked at each other, their discomfort permeating the air. Nobody knew what to say.
Sunoo couldn’t control it— his heart sank.
***
[Wonie]
Wonie:
Are u okay hyung?
Me:
Fine actually
Wonie:
Im sorry :(
Ik that you two have got whatever youve got going on but I rly didn’t think he’d react like that in this sort of situation
Me:
Rly, its fine
Im more than happy that it went well overall
Ive known for a long time what he thinks of me and I cant bring myself to care
Wonie:
alright… as long as youre happy hyung
We love you
Me: Lyt <3
***
[Won-ah]
Won-ah:
Sunghoon hyung
what was that?
Me:
I don’t know
I’m sorry that was rude of me
I shouldn’t have walked out on the group like that
Won-ah:
you mean u shouldn’t have walked out on *Sunoo* like that
Me:
Yeah.
Yeah I know
Won-ah:
I cant force you two to get along, but as a leader I can’t accept anyone shunning each other for those kinds of reasons
you know that right?
Me:
Jungwon, its not that
I swear it’s not that.
Won-ah:
What is it then?
Me:
I wish I knew…
***
— June 14 th , Couple’s day
For the members to share.
When words fail, maybe actions will prevail.
Happy 14 th ~
[En-himbos]
Jay:
Alright. Out with it.
Which one of you was it?
Hee:
What now?
Jay:
Who left that box of chocolates on the table?
Wonie:
Are you saying it wasn’t you, hyung?
Jay:
scuse me? Do I look like a mint choco lover to you??
Sunghoon:
It’s definitely not him. The handwriting is too neat.
Jay:
Why are u so cold to me park sunhgon
The reasoning u should hav used is that I would never write anything so sappy
Wonie:
yeah u literally would…
Jay:
those were emotionally trying circumstances, Won-ah :’)
Jake:
Why is this a debate if it’s obviously Sunoo
Wonie:
uh Sunoo hyung’s still sleeping
Jay:
wut
Jake:
dont we leave in like ten min
---
“Hyung?” Riki whispered, poking his head into the room. “Are you up yet?”
“Unfortunately,” Sunoo groaned, sitting up and desperately trying not to keel over immediately. His skull felt like an egg shell being pelted with rocks. He was genuinely surprised his head seemed to still be intact.
“Are you okay?” Ni-ki asked, frowning at him. He noticed that Sunoo’s cheeks were unnaturally flushed. “You look a bit horrible.”
“Thanks,” Sunoo rasped. “I feel like it too.”
“Do you want one of your chocolates, hyung?” Ni-ki asked, figuring that chocolate was the cure to all ailments. He held out the box that Sunoo hadn’t noticed him carrying. He squinted at it with bleary eyes.
“Where’d you get those?”
Ni-ki looked startled. “We thought you got them. Someone left a note on the table saying they’re for the group to share. They’re mint.”
“Why would I buy chocolates that only I would eat?”
Ni-ki appeared to be pondering this. “Because only you would eat them,” he concluded.
“Yah!”
“I guess it was Heeseung, then?” Ni-ki speculated. “Hm, I don’t know anymore. You should probably get dressed soon though, we have to be at the studio by two.”
“What?!” Sunoo yelped, scrambling to disentangle himself from his sheets. This resulted in him tripping over himself and landing in a sprawl on the floor.
He let out a muffled scream as pain shot through his temples.
“Hyung, I really think you’re coming down with something,” Ni-ki aptly observed. “Maybe I should let a manager know…”
“No, no,” Sunoo huffed, climbing to his feet. His mouth was bone dry, his vision swimming. He swallowed back a wave of nausea and steeled himself for a long day of recording. “I’ll be fine. Tell Jungwon I’ll be out in a few.”
***
Sunghoon, Jay, and Sunoo were all sitting in the waiting room while Heeseung recorded his verse, and Sunghoon was glaring.
“Oh,” Sunoo said, remembering something. He turned to Jay. “I had one of those mint chocolates on our way out. By any chance, was it you who bought them, hyung?”
Jay briefly lifted an eyebrow in surprise, before his mouth settled into a small smirk.
“It can if you want it to be,” he said coyly, snaking an arm around Sunoo’s shoulder.
Sunoo laughed, ducking his head. His cheeks grew warm.
He didn’t see Jay in any kind of romantic sense of course, and he knew exactly what his hyung was doing— soothing away the worries that his confession would change their dynamic, that the members would shy away or view their casual touches in a different light.
Sunoo and Jay had never been particularly touchy before; nor was Sunoo overtly physically affectionate with any of the members, really. But by playing it up now, embracing him and teasing him, Jay was sending a message:
You’re still my Sunoo. We can still be close.
Even so, Sunoo couldn’t help but glow a bit under the attention.
And on the flip side, he couldn’t help but burn at the cryptic glances Sunghoon kept shooting in their direction.
Perhaps cryptic wasn’t the appropriate word. It was more like scorching.
It did nothing to help what felt like the symptoms of an oncoming fever. His migraine had dulled to a throbbing ache, but his palms felt clammy and his mouth was dry.
Sunoo hoped to god he wasn’t sick— not so close to their comeback.
He continued chatting with Jay while they waited, resolutely avoiding looking over in Sunghoon’s direction.
If the boy had something to say, he could put on his big boy pants and confront him about it directly.
And later that evening, when they had all returned to the house and everyone shuffled off to relax from the workday, Sunoo got his wish.
When he turned towards the kitchen, hoping to snag another one of those chocolates, there Sunghoon stood, gazing directly at him with blazing eyes.
“Um,” Sunoo said. “Can I help you?”
He began to sweat, though he doubted it was entirely due to Sunghoon’s startling materialization, and more having to do with the headache that was gradually mounting once more.
It was hard to read Sunghoon’s face— he looked angry, but not in the petty way he did when they would always have their squabbles. His mouth was bent at an odd downwards angle, giving him the rather sad appearance of a kicked puppy.
“You said you wouldn’t fall for anyone.”
Sunoo blinked rapidly, wondering if he had heard correctly.
“What?” he blurted.
Sunghoon’s gaze hardened, and now he was looking more annoyed than disappointed, an expression Sunoo was more on familiar terms with.
“Yesterday, you said you wouldn’t fall for any of the members.”
Sunoo began feeling incredibly irked. He just wanted some damn chocolate, for god’s sake. This idiot was wasting his time.
“Yeah, and I haven’t,” he snapped, “nor will I ever.”
Sunghoon even at the gall to flinch at his outburst, as if he hadn’t started it. Sunoo briefly wondered if the boy always looked this pouty when they argued, or if that was something being conjured up by his approaching delirium.
All the accusation bled out of Sunghoon’s voice, leaving it wounded and quiet.
“You’ve been acting really close with Jongseong today,” he said. His mouth twitched, like he wanted to add something else but was holding himself back.
Sunoo felt something inside of him wither. What had he done to Sunghoon to make him so uncomfortable? Did he really care that much how he interacted with Jay? It wasn’t like Sunoo was throwing himself all over Sunghoon, so why did it matter to him?
“Am I not allowed to be?” he answered stiffly. “We’ve always been close, you know.”
“Yes, but not like that,” Sunghoon said exasperatedly. “Not holding hands and putting your arms around each other, and— and flirting.”
Sunoo couldn’t roll his eyes hard enough. So that was what this was all about.
“God, grow up hyung,” he huffed, growing more and more worked up as he spoke. “I’m sorry it makes you squirm to see two boys being physically affectionate with each other— no, it bothers you that one of those boys is me, after what I said yesterday. That’s it, isn’t it?”
“No, that’s not—”
“Do you think I’m going to seduce Jay hyung, or something?” he cried out in frustration. “You said it yourself— are you that worried I’m going to fall in love with him?”
Silence.
Sunghoon bit his lip. “Will you?”
Sunoo saw red.
From the very beginning, his and Sunghoon’s relationship had been turbulent at best, and for absolutely no justifiable reason. Sunghoon wasn’t like this with any of the others— but from his very first interaction with Sunoo, he simply clammed up.
As time progressed, that awkward silence had turned into petty back and forths.
And now…
“If you think,” he began, struggling to keep the tremble out of his words, “that just because we hate each other, I’m going to let you drive a wedge between me and the other members, then you are sorely mistaken, Park Sunghoon.”
Sunghoon reeled back as if he’d been slapped.
“Hate?”
His face was contorted, his voice coming out strained.
And Sunoo— Sunoo was tired of him playing dumb. He’d had enough. He spun around on his heel, making his way towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Sunghoon called out. Sunoo ignored him.
He needed to get out for a while, to get fresh air and clear his head. He slid his feet into his sneakers, wincing as his head gave a particularly painful throb. In his anger, he’d been distracted from the aches and pains of his body.
“Wait!” Sunghoon blurted. In Sunoo’s peripheral vision, he saw the boy promptly dashing away. He froze for a moment in confusion, only for Sunghoon to reappear just moments later, a black umbrella in hand.
“Take it,” Sunghoon panted, holding the object out towards him. Sunoo stared.
“Why?” he asked faintly.
“The sky has been clouded over all day.” Sunghoon shifted his eyes, avoiding his gaze. “Leave if you want to, but just take it. Just in case.”
Sunoo’s heart clenched. He was bigger than this, he knew. He could be petty, sure, but for something as inconsequential as accepting protection from potential rain, surely he could set aside his pride…
“Keep your damn umbrella,” his mouth betrayed.
Sunoo listened to his own venomous voice in horror, as if trapped within his own body and observing his actions as a helpless viewer.
He turned away from Sunghoon’s wide eyes, away from the imagined hurt he saw within them, away from all the complicated and annoying things that boy made him feel.
“Don’t start caring now.”
***
[En-himbos]
Wonie:
guys
has anyone seen Sunoo?
Hee:
isn’t he in the bathroom
Jay:
no thats jake taking a shower
Hee:
tf did he disappear or something
Park Sunghoon:
He went out a couple of hours ago
Wonie:
a couple hours?!
Jay:
its fucking storming outside
why is he alone?
Wonie:
hes going to get sick like this
Riki:
I shouldve said something, but he already wasn’t feeling well today…
Park Sunghoon:
what
Hee:
he's not answering his phone
Jay:
should we alert the managers? I’m worried
Riki:
what if he gets lost? What if he faints :(
Jake:
yo what did I miss why is the gc blowing up
and where tf is Sunghoon going?
***
Rain slashed against Sunoo’s skin, the pelting drops stinging like falling embers. His hair and clothes were drenched, water dripping freely into his eyes and mouth.
He had never regretted walking away from Sunghoon more— not when the consequence was this, wandering aimlessly around until the cold seeped into his very bones.
He should have taken the damn umbrella.
His vision was starting to blur, his steps growing unsteady. He should have turned back long ago, but now he could barely see, could barely think straight.
He must be going crazy. That was the only explanation.
Why else would he suddenly be hearing a voice desperately calling out his name, a voice that could only belong to the very same person he’d been running from?
Sunoo…
Sunoo—
Sunoo!!!
Had he fallen?
He must have. The ground was solid and rough against his back, the fat droplets splashing down perpendicular to his body. He stared up in a daze, the sky a hazy soup of clouds and stars.
His body felt limp and useless. This was it. He was going to lie here forever until he was swallowed up by the storm, until he sunk into the earth and was washed away.
Then, like a miracle, a face appeared above him.
“God, you’re insane,” Park Sunghoon’s apparition muttered.
His face was pale and worried, his hands frantic as they pressed against Sunoo’s forehead and wrists.
Sunoo smiled. It was a relief, at last, to finally succumb to a dream.
“I don’t hate you,” he told his hallucination gleefully. “I really, really don’t hate you.”
Sunghoon froze.
Something like confusion flickered over his face, before his features settled into firm determination.
Sunoo felt himself being lifted into the air. His head lolled against a shoulder.
“You’re here?” he drawled through frozen stiff lips. “You caught me?”
He felt his body shift under the wave of a sigh.
“What’s happened to you, Sunoo-yah?”
His eyes fell closed as a flood of exhaustion suddenly hit him in full force. A pair of arms tightened around him, pulling him closer to something that echoed loudly in his ear like a steady drum.
Faster and faster and faster.
He answered the question with all the strength he had left, before he felt himself being pulled under into another world.
“I fell.”
***
When Sunoo came to, he was lying on a mattress that was not his own.
As far as he could remember, the one he had back in the dorm was not king-sized and heaped with down-filled pillows.
He quickly came to the conclusion that heaven must manifest itself in the form of a giant, luxurious bed.
“Sunoo?” came a familiar voice from beside him. His eyes snapped open.
Okay. Maybe not heaven then.
The devil in question rushed to his side, plopping down onto the mattress and taking his face in his hands. Sunoo could only stare, flabbergasted.
“Oh my god, you’re finally awake,” Sunghoon gushed, his smile both anxious and relieved. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize your fever had gotten so bad.”
Sunoo squinted at him. “What?” he uttered dumbly.
He slowly took in his surroundings, the rest of the room just as unfamiliar as his initial observations. It looked like a master bedroom, with a vaulted ceiling and dozens of photo frames hanging all around the walls.
It looked too sentimentally furnished to be a hotel room, but there was no other explanation.
When had Sunghoon gone and checked them into a damn hotel room?
“Did you bring me here to take advantage of me?” Sunoo squinted at the boy suspiciously, pushing the offending hands off of his face.
“What?!” Sunghoon choked, his eyes comically large.
But Sunoo was immediately distracted from this line of questioning.
While staring at the other boy in incredulity, he realized that something was very, very strange— well, even stranger than all the other details.
Sunghoon— to put it simply— was old.
He had the same eyes, the same nose, the same mouth. But there was something more mature about the angle of his jaw, the way he styled his hair, even the cologne that clung to his skin.
He had all the features that were so intrinsically Sunghoon— yet there was no mistaking it: he had aged up by about ten years.
What the fuck.
“What happened to you?” Sunoo blurted.
Sunghoon gasped dramatically, a mannerism that was so familiar Sunoo felt a twinge in his chest.
“What happened to me? What happened to you, more like!”
“That’s also a good question— what happened to me?” he demanded.
“You fainted and fell down the stairs,” Sunghoon told him carefully. “I had a doctor come in to check on you, but your temperature stabilized. Are you… all right?”
“Stairs?” Sunoo frowned. “What stairs?”
“The stairs in our house, sunshine.” Sunghoon looked outright frightened now. “Are you feeling unwell again?”
Our house? Sunoo wanted to ask.
“Sunshine?!” he shrieked instead.
He fell back onto the pillows hopelessly. He was still dreaming, that must be it.
Or, he had died and gone to— Hell? Purgatory? Whatever realm of the afterlife whose overlord was sadistic enough to stick him with an oddly adult looking Park Sunghoon?
He barely noticed Sunghoon creeping away to the corner of the room, quickly dialing a number into his cellphone.
What he did notice once he looked over, however, was the glint of metal flashing from Sunghoon’s ring finger.
Them one after another, the numerous pictures on the walls which he’d written off as irrelevant decor came into focus.
Sunoo felt his sanity crumbling to dust. His hand came up to feel his own face in disbelief. His heart was racing so quickly, he thought he’d go into cardiac arrest next.
The call finally picked up. Sunghoon’s voice rang out, loud and clear.
“Dr. Yoon? It’s me again, Park Sunghoon. I think that my husband has seriously lost it.”