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"Why do you do that?" Sapnap questioned, placing his fork full of eggs down. The words making Dream stop mid-sentence. He's never gotten a response like that. It felt, wrong. The way he said it, he sounded annoyed. Was he annoying his friends?
At a loss for words, Dream looked back at Sapnap, mouth slightly open. He didn't know how to respond. He's never had to think about that, he just always said.
He stuttered on his words, trying to rack his brain for an answer. "I... Uhmm. I don't really know.." Was that really the best response he could come up with? He guessed the words were always just an impulse to him. He never thought before, his throat would just sound out the phrases, it felt almost routine. Should have responded with that. "Just an impulse".
Impulses. Something Dream was very familiar with. He doesn't mind the them much, except when they're actually dangerous, and harm him, or the people around him. Besides that point, it's just something he can't really control. They are a product of his adhd, and since he doesn't take medication, he just has to deal with them.
Certain impulses he seems to have, mostly have to revolve around his friends, or just people he knows in general.
Everytime he sees George, or Sapnap in any room he wonders in, he finds himself jokingly questioning them. Saying things such as "What're you doing here?", or "Gross, why are you here?". Obviously they're just jokes, nothing personal. But he does it everytime.
He says these phrases in this way were he knows they're probably annoying. Always speaking loudly, almost yelling. Using this false angry tone of voice. Completely, and utterly obnoxious.
He never had a problem with doing this. Never seeing it as a problem. He didn't think Sapnap or George had a problem with it either, but today seemed... different. Sapnap seemed annoyed, staring back at him with this serious look. It worried him. Worried him a lot.
Anxiety swirled in the bottom of his gut. This was going to bother him, he knew so. He hated it, the idea he was a nuisance to his friends. It terrified him. He came into the kitchen for food, not to be bombarded by the burning thoughts of "Your Annoying, a bother, repulsive".
"Mhhhmmm. Sure, whatever." Sapnaps voice sounded less serious, less annoyed. That should be a good sign, but the anxiety was already there, it wasn't going away. He wanted it to go away.
Walking over to the fridge, he grabbed his left over pizza from the other night. It still looked good, nothing out of the ordinary, except for the slice missing. Probably George. It wasn't a problem. He got a plate from the cabinet. Reaching his arm up to get it, he could still feel the presence of eyes on him, watching him. He decided not to warm the slices up.
"Bye, Sapnap.."
Quickly, he walked past where Sapnap was sitting at the island. Rushing his foot steps, eyes still on him. Still watching him. Why was he watching him.
He felt overwhelmed. Of course he did, the anxiety was becoming overbearing, it was eating at him, ripping him only a bit.
Walking up the stairs was tiring, much to tiring. His clothed feet dragged on the hard wood of the steps. Almost tipping, multiple times. He felt a dull ache behind his eyes, it felt almost non existent, but he could feel it. He hoped to Minecraft it wasn't a headache, he really couldn't deal with a headache right now.
Finally making it to his room, he hurried to his bed, placing the plate of cold, leftover pizza on his nightstand. Sitting down on his soft, plush, forest green duvet.
Why did he have to overthink everything. Was it that hard to just not? Can't he just stop. It was overwhelming, and overly stressful.
He usually slept off the anxiety. That, or crying out the feelings. He would much rather sleep then cry. He hated the feel of sensitive cheeks after wiping at the wet tears on his face. The bloodshot eyes, and flushed red face was always an ugly look on him.
Forgetting about the food resting right next to him, he quickly went to lay down on his softly, nice bed, mattress dipping as he did so. He slipped under the blankets, getting as snuggled as he could. He was always a cuddly person.
He reached for his second pillow, holding it to his chest, resting he's face into it. And yes, it was a plain white body pillow, perfect for cuddles and snuggles, the best alternative for a person
His eyes became increasingly heavy, fluttering every so often as he kept them open. Sighing, he snuggled into his pillow, finally letting his tired eyes shut. The calmness of how comfortable he was, was enough to wash away the anxiety that was curating his thoughts. The feeling was helping him drift of into the wonderful, wonders of sleep. His last thought before slipping into unconsciousness, was wondering what dream he'd have, if he had one. Hopefully he would.
Waking up Dream felt groggy, and definitely still tired. He desperately wanted to go back to sleep, but his throat was parched, dry, and rough. He was going to die of thirst if he didn't get some water down into his system.
He sleepily moved his "cuddle pillow", and pulled the duvet off of himself. The heavyness making his, barely awake, arms tremble. The struggle shouldn't have really been there.
Once sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes. He could feel himself begin to wake up fully. Just awake enough to get water, and go back to bed.
Yawning, he stood up, and dragged his, seemingly heavy, feet to his bedroom door. Twisting the knob, it opened with a click. He slipped out the barely open door, closing it behind him, and went straight for the stairs. He wanted to get water quickly, so the tired he was feeling wouldn't go away, he always had trouble falling back asleep.
Rushing down the stairs, the steps creaked, the sound causing him to cringe slightly. He hated the nose of creaking wood, it was so unpleasant and triggering.
Speeding through the lounge, he made it to the kitchen, instantly noticing George. A small smile makes it's way present on his face, eyes squinting faintly, a light red hue dusting his cheeks. Not because of attraction, but because his face always just did so when he saw his friends. The notice of them always making him happy, there presence was always so welcoming. He tended to blush when happy.
"Oh- The losers here." The name wasn't unfamiliar, he always insulted his friends when greeting them, just a kinda of habit, an impulse. That false, annoyance making it's way in his tone, smile still noticeable in his voice nonetheless.
George looked back at Dream, mouth stuffed full with fries. He was sitting at the island, same spot Sapnap was just hours ago. Laptop opened to the video he was working on. Dream felt a certain sense of deja vu, like this had already happened. His smile slowly dwindled to a slight frown, the corners in his mouth turning downwards.
The feeling of anxiety was creeping it's way back, making it's presence know. He suddenly felt completely awake.
"What's with you always saying that?" He tensed, body going ridged. His breathing hitched, just slightly, not even noticable.
Same question, worded different. The same question. Water sounded a lot less pleasing, and he really wanted to hide back in his welcoming room. Free of judgment, comfortingly free of judgment.
His hands grew sweaty, palms feelings damp, moist, gross. The anxiety didn't dwindle, instead tugging at his chest, burning thoughts forming in his mind. The need to leave was overbearing, but he couldn't just leave George without an answer. He has no other choice but to answer.
"Hah.. I don't really know, I guess.." The chuckle he added sounded obviously dry, plain, fake. His answer felt empty, he felt empty. Empty and anxious. So very anxious.
George had this questioning look, as if doubting his answer. Or judging it. That shouldn't be a problem, friends judge each other all the time, right? Not usually, friends are supposed to be free in judgment, so why did he feel so udderly judged.
"I should... Uhh, uhm.. go back to my room. I've... I've got to go finish editing the video we just filled, yeah... Gotta finish editing." God did he sound utterly awkward. Why did his voice have to stutter, why now?
He should probably get going, should actually leave, but he felt stuck. Stuck under the gaze of George's eyes, his coffee brown eyes, keeping his feet stuck to the ground, glued there.
"Why'd you come here just to leave?" Good question. Why did he think it wouldn't be suspicious to just up and leave, not even getting what he came for. He's such an idiot.
Looking at the clock, he saw it was 12:46am, midnight. He could just chalk it up to being tired, and forgetting. Sounds reasonable, right? "Right... I actually don't know why I came here. It's pretty late, and my memory it ten times worse when tired. You know that."
George still looked sceptical. Looking deep into his eyes, those damned eyes, he saw a glimpse of worry. It didn't matter why though, he really needed to leave.
He quickly moved to turn around, doing a sort of spin on the tiles to do so, his body finally letting him move. He avoided the anxiety inducing gaze of his friend, George still staring him down, and quickly rushed past him, through the lounge, and up the stairs, stoping at his door.
His thoughts were overwhelming, he felt ashamed, and embarrassed. This was the second time this happened today. He's eyes felt watery, tears forming in them, his hands clamed into fists, shaking just ever so slightly. The feeling of tears running down his cheeks felt shameful, they burned him. The way the dripped off his chin, and dropped to the wooden floor made him feel worse. He usually used crying as a way to let everything out, not to make him feel worse, so very worse.
He was so overwhelmed, and anxious. He tried to open the door, hoping to escape into the comforting presence of his room, but his hand were shaking, shaking worse then they were before, preventing him from successfully receding into his humble abode. The need to just sob, to scream was making it's self know, making him clamp his mouth tightly shut, throat closing up.
The faint sound of a door didn't register to his overstimulated mind, to quiet to hear, as well as the hurried footsteps. The feeling of hands placed on his shoulders caused him to flinch back. Balance throw off, his body clumsily crashing to the ground. The pain making everything worse, as he landed on his butt. A almost silent "ow" leaving past his parted, moist lips.
"Dream?? Dream what happened? Are you alright man?" He could barely recognize the voice, he could faintly tell it who it was. Sapnap. Sapnap was seeing him curdled on the ground, ugly tears dripping down his face, cheeks a hue of red, and was such an ugly crier.
Shaking his head, he tried to push Sapnap away from him, as he was now crouched down , close to eye level.
Curling up on himself seemed like the best option, as no matter how hard he pushed, and tried, Sapnap wouldn't budge. He moved his arms around his curled up legs, pressing them further into his chest, pressing his teary face onto his knees, grey sweatpants growing moist at the touch of wet tears to cloth, causing a dark spot to form.
"Dude, what's wrong? You- your worrying me-"
"I..- Just go! Leave! Please..!"
Dream's hands moved to grip at his hair, fingers pulling at the unkept locks of dirty blonde strands. His mind racing with too many thoughts, too many sensations. His knees felt gross, the wetness making his skin crawl, and shiver. His face burned, the tears pouring at an increase of speed. Anxiety bubbling in his heaving chest. Air feeling scarce, barely coming in short wheezes. His whole body felt tense, and uncomfortable, he just wanted everything to stop. "Why won't it just stop!"
Dream's throat burned, the lack of water catching it's way up to him. His sobs becoming increasingly harder to hold. A choked off noise slipping past his lips, bitting down on it to try and muffle the noises.
The presence of a body pressing against his side surprised him, releasing his tense fists from his hair, mouth opening in a small wheezed gasp.
"Dream, you need to calm down. Just breathe." Sapnaps arm wrapped around his back, hand resting on his waist. The comforting gesture was enough to make him realize how desperately he wanted physical comfort, the nice feeling of being held sounding great.
Dream leaned into Sapnap, legs flattening out slightly, face now pressed into the crevice of his neck. His tears dampening the smooth surface of skin. Muffled sobs quitting, lessoning. His chest still felt tight, and his breathing was still hoarse and wheezy, but he felt more air pushing it's way through. A content sigh sounded from the back of his throat, and he cuddled more into the warmth radiating off of Sapnaps body, even though he felt sweaty, and hot.
His throat was still parched, and began to ache. He probably should have gotten the water he went downstairs for. "Mmm.. Can you please get me some water? My throat hurts.."
"Oh- Yeah, sure. Let's get you into your room first."
Sapnap positioned his arm, which was already around Dream's waist, right under his armpit, using the other hand to grab at the wall for support, and began to pull them both up. Dream tired his best to help lift himself up, but his body felt so tired and drained, that he wasn't much help.
He heard the familiar click of the door, and was carefully brought inside, placed down onto the bed where his legs dangled off the edge. His butt was no longer aching, as it once was when sitting on the hard flooring, a sigh of comfort releasing from the back of his throat.
Glancing up from his lap, Sapnap was already out the door, and Dream was left to rethink about the events that just took place.
He just had an anxiety attack, something he hadn't have to experience for a long while, and to say it was unpleasant was putting it lightly. His eyes burned from the senseless crying, cheeks damp from the tears, tounge overwhelmed with the salty taste of said tears, chest heaving as he still tried to regulate his breathing, throat aching from the lack of water, and constantly trying to hold back his sobs. He felt horrible.
The couple of minutes Sapnap was gone was just laced in self-pity. He felt gross, and inky, and definitely still anxious. His skin felt all clamy and sweaty. The embarrassment of it all chilling him, and he suddenly felt ever more thirsty then before, so when Sapnap finally returned with the water, damn was he relieved.
Accompanying Sapnap was George, a worried look tracing the features of his face. Eyebrows knitted in worry, mouth turned downwards in a saddening frown. He hated to worry his friends like this, but knew they were only looking out for him, just as he would do the same.
Sapnap passed him the glass of water, and as Dream downed the liquid, both him and George sat down, each on opposite sides of where Dream was sitted. He noticed the knowing glance they gave each other, it puzzled him, but only slightly.
"If you don't want to talk, you don't have too, but can you, please, explain what made you so upset? We only want to help." George sounded so caring, and soft, he almost felt relieved, if only the anxious nerves would go away. The tight pulling in his chest never subsiding.
"It's stupid, I... I don't really know how to, uhm.. say.." His words were stuttered, and jumbled, he almost couldn't understand what was muttered out if his own mouth. But the looks on their faces, he could guess they understood.
His body squirmed, shifting under Sapnap and George's watchful eyes, staring him down. He felt so utterly nervous, his hands felt sweaty and gross, so did the undersides of his knees. "Uhhh... I guess I just, kinda.. uh, felt like you guys were annoyed.. at me."
George's arm wrapped around him, so his hand could rest comfortingly on Dreams shoulder, thumb rubbing calmly and his joints, helping release the tension. The comforting gesture was welcomed, and greatly appreciated. Dream in turn, leaned his head to rest on George's, dark hair, lightly tickling his nose. "I'm sorry you felt like that. Is there any particular reason as to why you thought this?" Sapnaps murmured calmly.
Dream almost felt calm enough to rest his eyes, enough to drift off into the wonders of slumber. But alas, he still had to clear up the blatant confusion written on his friends faces.
"You guys just seemed annoyed... when I would do that thing I always do. It made me anxious.. You guys just kept asking why, and it was different from the usual, guess I took it personal.."
George's soft comforting gestures didn't stop, but he felt the rhythm falter, just barely. With that, Dream also felt Sapnap wrap an arm around his middle, chin resting on the side of his tilted down head I'd hair. "Dude, we weren't annoyed, we were just confused. If you ever feel like that, you can always talk to us about it, no need to stress yourself into a panic attack."
Sapnaps voice was light hearted, words spoke softly, but still jokingly, helping to soothe the tension in the air, bringing a small smile onto his face.
"Thank you..." A yawn stiffly made it's way through his parted lips. The noise mumbled as he pressed his face further into George's coffee dark hair.
"Can we sleep, and cuddle? You know.. for me" He looked down at Sapnap, puppy eyes gleaming in the soft light, bottom lip sightly out in a small pout. Sapnap chuckled, face scrunching up as he did so. "Fine, you big baby." George too, fell into a fit of amused giggles.
As they got settled onto the bed, Dream finally felt the anxiety loosen from tugging at his heart, to a calming, welcomed feeling. God, why didn't he just talked to them first hand? Cuddles always made everything better, and he knew guaranteed that if he came to them, they'd say yes. They always do. Cuddles was a comforting thing for all of them.