Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It starts like this:

At ass in the morning, someone starts absolutely hammering down knocks on Jake and Sunghoon’s dorm.

Jake has always been the lighter sleeper out of the two of them, so it’s him that has to drag his body out of the comforting all-consuming warmth of his bed and open the door. 

He’s hoping he’s able to literally burn holes through the head of whoever was stupid enough to come wake him up, but when he sees it’s Jay, who has the thickest skull of anyone he knows, Jake knows it’s hopeless.

Especially when Jay pushes past him the second the door cracks open, practically vibrating with excitement. Jake is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes as Sunghoon groans loudly, Jay having grabbed one of his pillows and smacked him across the face.

“Dude!” He practically shouts, as if neither of them were alerted to his presence already. He straightens up as Sunghoon rolls back over in an attempt to find sleep again. Jay pays him no mind, choosing to focus his attention on Jake instead. 

(Lucky him.)

“I think my new roommate might actually be the hottest person alive.”

Jake immediately loses interest, while Sunghoon sits up so fast, he manages to somehow bang his forehead on the headboard.

“Who?” He demands through gritted teeth, massaging away the quickly blooming splotch of red over his right brow.

“New guy. He’s in his final year of uni, must’ve been a late transfer or something. Had to choose from whatever dorms were leftover, and he chose mine,” Jay practically swoons, falling backward onto Jake’s mattress. He grimaces slightly, knowing Jay always takes advantage of the last few days of summer break to shower as few times as possible. “It’s fate.”

“If fate played a part in any of our lives, you wouldn’t be here, Jay. What’s his fucking name?” Sunghoon pulls out his phone, opening Instagram.

“Heeseung Lee.”

“Korean?” Jake asks. (Still not interested.)

“Yeah. We should try to get him to join KASA,” Jay hums, still flat on his back. He hums dreamily, a dopey mist settling over his eyes. “God, he’s stunning.”

“Shit,” Sunghoon mumbles, running a hand through his hair. His brows are pulled up in shock, looking wide awake. He grips his phone tightly, pulling it closer and closer to his face as he zooms in. “Yeah, try to get him in. It’ll give me a reason to talk to him if nothing else.”

Jake’s nose crinkles, and he crosses his arms over his chest uncomfortably. “He can’t be that good looking.”

Sunghoon scoffs and goes to show him the photo, but Jay scrambles to his feet, slapping it out of his hand onto the floor. Sunghoon and Jake both stare at him in disbelief, and Jay pants, hand still outstretched.

“Don’t show him. We can’t have anymore competition,” Jay warns.

“You know I can search his insta on my own anytime I want, right?” Jake questions incredulously.

“Dude!” Sunghoon reacts belatedly, eyes comically wide.

“Sorry,” Jay has the decency to apologize, not looking too remorseful. He picks the phone up and tosses it onto Sunghoon’s bed, then grips him by the shoulders. “I need one of you by my side at all time to make sure I don’t say anything stupid to him. He walked in the other day and I nearly choked. I’m serious, you guys need to exist in my laundry hamper. ”

“That’s fucking nasty,” Sunghoon shoves his hands off, snorting. “I’m sure you fucked yourself over the second you saw him. What’d you do, bird call?”

“Why the fuck would I–” Jay freezes, limbs going rigid. He blinks rapidly, looking around the room like it would give him the ability to summon his horny memories. “Wait,” he panics, hands slapped over his mouth. “I mean, I don’t remember doing it, but noises were made, you guys.”

Jake cackles, pulling his sweatshirt over his head. He had fallen asleep with it on and felt slightly too sticky for comfort when he woke up.

By the time he finally manages to wrangle it off, the shirt underneath riding up slightly with it, someone else has come to the door, knocking hesitantly.

Upon realizing who it is, Jake straightens, tugging his shirt back into place quickly.

“Sunoo, hey.”

“You’re up! I was worried you wouldn’t be awake yet, hyung,” Sunoo beams, bright as ever, as he lets himself in.

Sunoo was probably the only person who could make Jake perk up as quickly as he had (especially considering it was 9 am on a Saturday, he was definitely the only one).

“Oh, Jay, you’re here too?”

Jay waves him hello, then immediately resumes muttering under his breath, desperately trying to recount his first interaction with Heeseung. Sunghoon greets him too, and Sunoo smiles timidly.

It’s a minor detail, but Jake loves when Sunoo calls him ‘hyung.’

When they first met, Jake was Sunoo’s tour guide, assigned to show him around campus.

Sunoo had been pleasantly surprised to learn that Jake was Korean, babbling adorably about how he was nervous there wouldn’t be too many people he could relate to since his high school had been predominantly white.

Jake had confessed somewhat guiltily that he hadn’t grown up speaking Korean, so it was too rusty to hold a conversation. Sunoo waved his concerns off immediately, offering to practice with him. 

Jake told him it wasn’t necessary, since school would be so busy. Sunoo had responded with a tsk, insisting it would be a good opportunity for him to spend time with Jake, since he wanted to be his friend. 

Most of the time, they’ll still use English, but because their friendship had began with Sunoo interspersing random bits of Korean in their conversation to try and reintroduce Jake to the language, he had gotten into the habit of calling him ‘hyung.’

And when Jake introduced him to Jay and Sunghoon, Sunoo kept calling him (and only him) hyung, even when they weren’t speaking Korean.

Jake’s been gone for him since then.

“I just came to drop this off, I wanted to try and catch you before you left for work,” Sunoo explains, dangling Jake’s ring of keys in the air. “Thank you so much hyung, you really saved my life.”

Sunghoon makes an indignant noise of protest, pointing at the keys accusingly. “You never let me use your keys!”

“You’re not as cute as Sunoo is,” Jake dismisses him, tucking them safely into the front pocket of his backpack. “Besides, Sunoo had an assignment he couldn’t do until last minute because of all his other commitments. If I let you into the library after hours every time you had a rushed essay, you’d never leave.”

“I’m not that bad,” Sunghoon pouts, leaning against his bed frame. His hair is ruffled and his voice is still scratchy from sleep. “And everyone knows Sunoo’s cute, you’re just weak to it.”

Jake rolls his eyes, then notices the rosy flush to Sunoo’s round cheeks. 

“You okay?” He asks.

Sunoo’s eyes dart to his, shaking his head quickly. “Oh, I’m fine, don’t worry. I should get going, actually.”

“Alright. Hey, we’re planning to go for drinks later, are you coming?” Jake suggests, internally praying for him to say yes– normally, when it was just him, he was the designated driver. He wasn’t a super big fan of drinking because he was such a lightweight, so he normally didn’t drink anyways, but having Sunoo there meant there was someone else who wasn’t piss drunk.

“I’ll come if you help me with my report later? I have one for my business ethics class and I just seriously don’t know what to do. I’m seriously screwed,” Sunoo whines, lip jutting out.

How is it possible for someone to be this endearing?

Jake nods, patting him on the top of his head. “Just stop by the library during my break, we can work on it over lunch.”

“He gets tutoring services for free, too,” Sunghoon grumbles, mercifully having stayed silent up until then.

Sunoo only laughs as Jake scowls, waving over his shoulder as he leaves.

Jake sighs, chest warm. It had been a rocky start, but he thinks that from hearing Sunoo’s laughter alone, his day would be golden.

“Guys, what the fuck, I think I might have cawed .”

“Look, all I’m saying is, if you don’t introduce us soon, we’re going to think you’re making him up!”

Jay’s rebuttal is drowned out as Taehyun, Jake, and Sunoo begin yelling in agreement, Jungwon attempting to hide his laughter by tucking his face into Jay’s neck. 

“You’re siding with them, too?” Jay complains indignantly, immediately noticing. Jungwon shakes his head even as his eyes well up with tears of laughter, shoulders rising and falling with silent giggles.

“It’s been three weeks since school has started now, we’ve all run out of patience!” Sunghoon slams his fist down on the table, spawning another uproar.

“You’re not in the same department! You don’t even have any shared courses, how am I supposed to just point him out in the hallway to you?”

“Tell the truth, Jay. You stalked some random senior’s Instagram and said it was your roommate, didn’t you?” Jake insists, as Jay nearly boils over.

He thinks he might be on the verge of strangling someone, but a shout loud enough to rival Jay’s own prevents any murder.

“Yo!” Beomgyu comes bounding up to their table straight from the door, hair flopping over his eyes. He greets each of them, grinning as he claps his hands onto Huening’s shoulders.

“Do you want to join us?” Taehyun suggests as Beomgyu steals a chicken wing from his plate. “We can pull up a chair.”

Beomgyu shakes his head, floppy bangs obscuring most of his forehead and falling over his eyes. It’s a wonder how he can see, but it’s undeniably attractive. (If the several conversations Sunghoon, Jake, and Jay have had about it prove anything.)

“I’ve got company joining soon. Jay, you should come say hi, Yeonjun intimidated a lot of people into joining us. Speak of the devil.”

Yeonjun enters next, eyes seeking out Beomgyu and making his way over once he spots him.

“Yo, YJ!” Beomgyu drawls, earning a dry glare. It seems to have no effect on him, as he pats Yeonjun roughly on the back with a devilish grin.

“Cut it out, you brat. Go grab a table,” Yeonjun tilts his head toward the only other table big enough to seat a group of rowdy college kids, at the opposite corner of the restaurant.

“Jay, come over alright?”

“In a minute,” Jay acquiesces.

It’s enough to please Beomgyu, who takes off to secure a table for the rest of his party.

“How are all of you doing? Work piling up already?” Yeonjun asks, hands tucked in his pockets.

Yeonjun was already in a grad program, but since he was close to a lot of undergrad students, it was common for him to join them when they went out. He had always been a cool senior, one that was very clearly respected and admired among the entire student body, even those in a different major.

He was the one that had convinced Jay to join KASA, since Jay had been a music student as well, and naturally he dragged Sunghoon and Sunoo along with him. It had been pretty instrumental in starting college as smoothly as they did, so the three of them were grateful to stay as close to Yeonjun as they were even after he graduated.

“Not too bad so far. Expecting the worst, though.” Jungwon sighs, leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah, well in a few years, you’ll be old enough to drink that pain away,” Yeonjun winks.

“When will I be able to drink the pain away?” Sunghoon questions, pouring himself another shot. “Hasn’t worked so far.”

Yeonjun laughs, nodding in understanding. “If you want something stronger, all you have to do is ask. Hyung will treat all of you to drinks anytime.”

There’s a smattering round of applause, Yeonjun bowing jokingly and egging everyone on. Once he gets a sufficient amount of praise, he allows them to stop, smiling handsomely.

“I’ll see guys later, okay? Taehyun, come talk for a second?”

Without needing any encouragement, everyone sitting immediately begins teasing, whooping as Taehyun flips them off behind his back, Yeonjun grabbing his hand and leading him out the back door to the parking lot without waiting for an answer. The whistles and catcalls don’t die down until they’re completely out of sight, at which point everyone settles back into their seats, snickering like children.

Everyone in KASA was all too familiar with Yeonjun and Taehyun’s strange relationship. There had always been an obvious tension that existed between the two of them, but even clearer was the mutual relationship of respect and growth. They were two people that many of the newcomers in Jake’s year, including himself, looked up to greatly. Both of them were so hardworking it was hard not to, which is why it was even easier to notice the other aspects of their interactions.

When Yeonjun graduated no one was sure whether they would keep in touch, and Taehyun certainly tried his best to discourage the speculation since he would be facing the brunt of it, but it hadn’t quite worked; the two had gained a reputation as the campus couple (at least within their network) that was hard to escape.

(Yeonjun appearing at every group hang out that Taehyun went to definitely didn’t help.)

The front door pushes open again, and without the incessant teasing, the sound of it creaking open actually carries over to their table, breaking through their impenetrable bubble of noise for the first time that night.

“Ohmygod, that’s him .”

“Timothee Chalamet?” Sunghoon asks stupidly, earning a smack from Jay.

“No, dumbass,” Jay hisses, yanking on his elbow to get him to face the entrance. “Heeseung is here.”

“Shut the fuck up, where?” Jungwon demands, peering at the door. His feline eyes widen in shock as his mouth drops open. “Jay, that’s your roommate?”

Their entire table falls deadly silent as they all stare like meerkats at Heeseung, who had yet to look up from his phone, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he scrolled.

“Guys, why are you reacting like this? You’ve all seen his photos on insta. Hell, most of you have his post-notifs on,” Jay waves his hand in front of Sunghoon’s face, a failed attept to get him to break out of his daze.

“Yeah, but seeing it in person is so different,” Sunoo breathes, face lit up with awe.

“Jay, you’ve gotten to live with him for a month, you’re desensitized by now! We’re all practically overdosing on his beauty,” Euijoo sighs, chin propped up on his hand.

“First of all, barely , and second of all, would you all stop staring, he’s bound to notice soon.” Jay flicks Ryujin on the forehead lightly, and she lets out a whine. “You literally have a girlfriend, Ryujin.”

“Whatever,” she mumbles, crossing her arms on the table and sulking petulantly.

True to Jay’s word, Heeseung does look up, and he seems to spot the former straight away, holding a hand up.

“If you don’t bring him over here right now, I swear to god I will chop your–”

“Heeseung!” Jay calls, beckoning him over.

Heeseung obeys, tucking his phone into his pocket and walking over to their table. He smiles when he reaches them, and though it was directed at Jay at first, it doesn’t fade as he surveys the rest of the people sitting– all of whom are staring at him with ill-disguised fascination. Besides one.

When Heeseung’s eyes settle on Jake, they sharpen, and it almost makes him feel like he’s being observed. He continues to hold eye contact, making Jake wonder when or why he agreed to their random staring contest.

Then Heeseung looks away, his eyes glint with something mischievous. “I didn’t know you’d be here too, Jay.”

“Same to you,” Jay returns easily. “What are you doing here?”

Heeseung nods toward Beomgyu, who was now sitting with a few other people. “Beomgyu invited everyone out in the group chat. If you ever checked it, you would know.”

Jay rolls his eyes but smiles, their dynamic familiar and comfortable. In seconds, he had probably gained the envy of everyone sitting at the table, but it had taken him days to get used to the thought of having to sleep in the same room as Heeseung, so he doesn’t much care. “You want to sit for a couple minutes? Beomgyu told me to come over earlier, so I’ll go with you after I introduce you to everyone.”

Heeseung takes him up on the offer, taking Taehyun’s seat and brushing off the multiple people ready to grab one, saying he would only be a second. 

Jay makes his rounds, introducing the dozen people sitting at their table one by one, but throughout it all, Heeseung continues to look at Jake.

He tries not to notice, and does his best to pretend he still hasn’t when he does, but it’s hard when Heeseung sits directly across from him, stare unwavering. It feels like he’s being challenged in someway, but instead of rising to the bait, Jake busies himself with pouring him and Sunoo more water, gulping down his entire cup at once just to have something to do.

Eventually though, Jay gets to Jake, and he’s forced to look up, locking eyes for the second time that night.

“Are you a junior as well?”

It’s the first time Heeseung actually speaks to someone that isn’t Jay, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Practically everyone at the table gapes at Heeseung, then Jake, then back at Heeseung, eyes darting back and forth.

To his side, Sunoo is elbowing him gently, silently imploring him to respond. Jake clears his throat, nodding awkwardly.

“Yeah, I’m in Jay’s year.”

Heeseung nods, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a small smirk. “You have an accent.” 

It’s not a question, so Jake doesn’t quite know how to respond, choosing to confirm that, yes, he has an accent. It makes Heeseung laugh, revealing a set of gorgeous white teeth. 

God, he’s going to bring ruin to this campus.

“You’re not from California, then. I moved recently, so it’s nice to find something in common.”

“Where did you move from?” Sunoo questions eagerly, though it’s not flirtatious, Jake can tell. He’s just being himself, always genuine and kind without hesitation.

Maybe Heeseung sees it, because he responds, unlike when everyone had been tripping over their words introducing themselves, and he had given no more than a polite but curt nod in response.

“Korea.”

“For real?” Jungwon exclaims, voice an octave louder than normal. “I’m jealous. I only get to go on vacations.”

“Me too, I’ve only ever been twice,” Sunoo pouts, chest falling with a heavy exhale. “But then, your English is really amazing!”

“I went to an international school up until high school, but I studied then too, since I wanted to come to the states at one point,” Heeseung smiles, seeming to relax a little more.

It doesn’t necessarily make Jake jealous, but reminiscent. He remembers how much Sunoo had helped him feel at home being away from his family for the first time, and it makes him feel oddly sentimental to see it happening again in real time.

“Dude, McHottie Pants is obviously into you,” Sunghoon leans over and stage-whispers into his ear.

Jake turns to him slowly, blinking incredulously. “Are you for fucking real? McHottie Pants, what are you, eight?”

“I peaked young, it’s been downhill from then. What do you think? You should ask for his number,” Sunghoon urges insistently. “He’s clearly already chosen you, and if I can’t have him, you should!”

“That’s so creepy! He’s a human , not an object, and why are you making it sound like we’re sharing him? That’s so weird,” Jake cringes, watching Sunghoon’s shoulder slump. “Besides, I don’t need your sloppy seconds.”

“There’s nothing sloppy about him, Jake, are you seeing him?”

“I feel like you really missed my point.”

“Whatever the point was, I just mean, you should at least try to get to know him instead of stoning him out like you were two minutes ago. He is Jay’s roommate, and trust me, now that everyone’s met him, you can be guaranteed they’re all going to find ways to keep him around a lot more,” Sunghoon says pointedly, eyeing all the people still hanging onto Heeseung’s every word, rapt.

He wasn’t incorrect, but Jake was stubborn.

It’s not like anything was wrong with Heeseung, either, but there was a twisting feeling in Jake’s stomach that told him he had the potential to become a part of his life way too easily. It made him squirm uneasily, trying to sink into his seat.

“So you’re all Korean?” Heeseung questions, eyes unfailingly trained on Jake.

God, can’t he look away?

“Yeah, most of us actually met through KASA. It’s the Korean student alliance at USC, you should join too,” Jay seizes the opportunity, making Sunghoon snicker.

“Do you have a Korean name?” Heeseung asks, leaning back in his chair and swinging an arm around the back of Jay’s chair. It makes a couple of the people at their table swoon and sigh, out of jealousy and awe.

“Mine is Jongseong. Most of these assholes refuse to even call the senior members ‘hyung’ or ‘noona,’ so it doesn’t matter that much,” Jay scolds, sending pointed glares across the table.

“Hey, why’d you only call the guys out?” Sunoo sulks, cheeks puffy with rice. Sunghoon reaches up to poke them and he slaps him away, pouting even more in a natural display of aegyo none of the KASA members are immune to.

“What about you?”

Heeseung doesn’t even have to say his name for everyone at the table to know exactly who he’s talking to.

Jake sighs and grits his teeth, because he’d rather tolerate Heeseung’s unabashed advances than make a big deal of himself. “Jaeyun. Sim Jaeyun, but literally no one calls me that, so,” he offers a half-smile, which drops off his face the second Heeseung turns his attention elsewhere, apparently satisfied.

He stays at the table making small talk (really only with Sunoo, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jake, to a lesser extent) until his phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his pocket, raising an unimpressed brow. “Beomgyu just texted me telling me to hurry up. It was good to meet you all, though. Jay?”

Jay stands with him, and the two walk over to the other table, Beomgyu’s shouts at them for taking too long reverberating around the restaurant.

Not even a second passes in their absence before everyone comes alive with chatter, positively raving about his good looks.

Only Jake stays silent, a sudden queasiness preventing him from joining in. He stomachs through a little longer, and eventually the talk about Heeseung fades into a different conversation, but the uncomfortableness still persists, and he finds that he doesn’t really want to be there at all.

“Hyung? Are you okay?” Sunoo asks kindly, a hand laid on his knee. “You look tired.”

Jake smiles. The last thing he wants is for Sunoo to worry, so he pats his shoulder and rises to his feet, letting the whole table know he’s getting some fresh air with an extra squeeze to Sunoo’s hand.

When he steps outside, there’s barely a breeze and if anything, it’s more humid and Jake feels his skin getting stickier by the second. He curses the awful summer weather that comes with living on the east coast– maybe he should be used to it coming from Australia, but the truth of it is the atmosphere is just different.

There’s no golden sun that sets over the horizon every day, just as regularly as a clock’s hand ticks. He has no creek just minutes away from his own backyard to jump into if he wants to cool off, just a college pool that reeks of acrid chlorine.

Nothing here is the same. Not the places, the food. The people.

Jake scoffs bitterly to himself and shakes his head, fingers itching to dig into his pocket before realizing there’s no familiar cardboard box weighing down the fabric of his flannel.

He hates himself for thinking about him in moments like these, hates him for ruining what was supposed to be a fun night out with his friends.

But again, it’s a nagging truth that Jake can’t escape: you don’t ever forget your first love. It was just dumb luck that he happened to meet his at the wrong place and the wrong time. He supposes he can’t fault California for his unhappiness, the terrible and ugly nostalgia eating away at him at every corner he turns.

It’s no one else’s fault but his own that everything here reminds Jake of him. Of how in the prime years of his life, he allowed himself to be humiliated, and used, and still told himself it was love. Then he was and stepped on like dirt.

And despite trying his hardest to leave the past in the past, only allotting two months for self-pity and despair before giving Jay and Sunghoon full permission to drag him out of his stupor. Jake has no choice but to admit he’s right back in the same place because of a person he only met minutes ago.

When he saw Heeseung, Jake couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat.

There were plenty of attractive people at his school– plenty of people that, if Jake was a little more reckless and a little less hurt from past experiences, he would have gladly given himself to them, whether it was for one night or for a long, happy relationship.

So what made Heeseung Lee so different? What inexplicable charm did he possess that made Jake’s words catch in his throat, and make him want to bat his eyelashes and giggle in his direction like every other smitten fool he enraptured?

It certainly wasn’t love, not after just one brief conversation. And Jake, even before his tragic heartbreak, never believed in love at first sight. He was a romantic, yes, but a pragmatic one. But honestly, with that smile, the swagger in his step?

Heeseung knew exactly how much power he held, and Jake is certain he would waste no time in exercising it upon whomever he wanted.

He won’t let himself be that vulnerable again. If avoiding future catastrophe means avoiding Heeseung, that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Maybe it’s a little harsh to rule out the possibility of even a comfortable friendship before he’s even gotten to know him, but wasn’t that how it started last time?

At the very least, Jake has to keep his wits about himself and keep an eye out.

“You smoke?”

But fuck if Heeseung didn’t plan on making that unnecessarily hard for him.

Jake turns around, Heeseung approaching and pulling a pack out of his jean pockets.

He shakes his head stiffly, crossing his arms over his chest. “No. No, I quit.”

Heeseung arches an eyebrow, lighting up and questioning amusedly, “For better health?”

Jake rolls his eyes as discreetly as possible and decides this isn’t a conversation he can have without a buzz. His fingers find his e-cig in his pocket and he’s raising it to his lips in seconds, lungs contaminated with a hazy fog he expels after a long pull.

“No.” He side-eyes Heeseung, who’s watching his every move. “Just didn’t like the smell of it.”

They stand in silence for a little while, and Jake fools himself into thinking it’s not somehow a comfortable one. Each inhale feels like a little step towards a burning headache, and Jake can’t tell if it’s from his vape or because of Heeseung.

That alluring, intoxicating voice rings through the air again.

“You’re interesting, Jaeyun.”

He must be trying purposely to provoke him and get a reaction, using his Korean name when Jake made a point of saying no one else did. Outside of his own family, only one person ever had, and since then it had sounded like a curse.

Apparently one only Heeseung has the ability to banish.

Jake turns to him and steels himself, squaring his shoulders. “What’s your angle?”

Heeseung lifts his cigarette to his mouth, closing his lips around the paper cylinder. He taps the ash off using his index finger as he exhales through perfectly pink lips.

“Who says I have one?”

“Everything about you reeks of ambition. I’m asking you to tell me what your intent is so I can help you redirect it somewhere more productive,” Jake bites out, feigned politeness faltering. He’s sure he wants out.

Heeseung steps forward, and Jake, for nothing else but his pride, refuses to back away, so they only end up that much closer. He’s even more handsome up close, but Jake doesn’t care. He doesn’t even notice the length of his lashes, or the scent of his woodsy cologne mixed with the stench of his cigarette.

“I’m new here, Jaeyun. Just trying to settle in, would you begrudge me something that simple? Because I’d like to get to know you,” Heeseung murmurs, eyes running up and down Jake’s body appreciatively.

That’s the final bit of encouragement Jake needs to break away.

“Well, Jay is looking forward to getting to know you, and so is everyone at that table. If you come to KASA, I’m sure we’ll see you around,” Jake establishes his own boundaries firmly, sticking his hand out.

Heeseung stares at it for a second before accepting it, and it feels much more intimate than his simple gesture of friendly acquaintance was meant to when Heeseung looks back up and smirks, squeezing his hand.

“Alright, then. I’ll look forward to it, Jaeyun-ah.”

Sunoo stared into space, twirling his pen. Jake would have noticed he had been spacing out instead of doing his rewrites if not for the fact that he had been mindlessly scribbling doodles of Sunoo as a peach for the last two minutes.

He closes his notebook and pokes Sunoo’s arm with his pen. “What’s up?”

Sunoo sighs, head falling to thunk against the table as his arms splaying out across it just as dramatically. He lets out an atrociously loud moan, which attracts the stares of everyone sitting at the nearby tables of their campus Starbucks. Jake sends an apologetic glance to the startled patrons and ruffles Sunoo’s hair, getting no more than a sad, muffled whimper in response.

He bites back a laugh and waits there patiently, until Sunoo feels like explaining. Eventually he lifts his head and stares at Jake with puppy eyes big enough to rival his own.

“Hyung. I’m miserable. ”

Jake blanches, concern taking over his body. (Sunoo being in any sort of pain, no matter how mild, tends to send him into fight or flight mode.) Even though rationale is telling him to stay calm, because for all he knows, Sunoo is just sick of studying… he’s not really a rational person.

“What’s wrong, Sunoo? Are you feeling sick? Fatigued?”

The questions come one after the other and Sunoo waves them all away, pulling himself back into a normal sitting position.

“No. None of the above, hyung, I just…” An exasperated puff of air blows past his lips, and he tangles his fingers in his bangs, elbows resting on the table. “Hyung, what do you do when you like someone so much it starts to drive you actually crazy?”

Jake’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach, and his smile slowly drops off his face.

He’s spent a good few months in denial, honestly closer to a year, or even more probably, but there’s no escaping it; he knows he’s not the one Sunoo is after.

He had always sort of idolized Sunoo because of how he had helped him adjust, but his puppy crush had taken a temporary crush after getting into his sham of a first relationship. He doesn’t talk about it now with Jay, Sunghoon, Sunoo, or anyone really, because they understand how painful it was for him. Jake threw away a precious six months of his freshman year of college with a junior who enchanted him with his shiny car and ability to legally drink alcohol.

The details of their break-up or what Jake did to get over him aren’t important. The only important, lasting change to come out of that horrible fling, was that Jake’s affections toward Sunoo came raging back twice as hard.

He’s spent a long time watching Sunoo, memorizing the details of his smiles and the way the light reflects off his chocolate eyes. The inflections of his voice, the way he has certain laughs reserved for people that mean the most to him.

Jake has watched him fall in and out of small infatuations that would result in either a few dates and amicably splitting and agreeing to stay friends, or Sunoo begging Jake to slap him silly until he grew out of it before anything could even begin.

Now, Jake was still his friend before anything else; he wouldn’t prevent Sunoo from doing anything that would make him happy, including going on dates with people he really didn’t want being with Sunoo.

But there was also a reason he never attempted to get rid of the flare of warmth that took over his whole body whenever he was within the same mile radius of Sunoo: he held out hope. He wasn’t entirely an idiot, but Jake didn’t mind being a little stupid if it meant not saying goodbye to a part of their friendship that was special and personal to him. Maybe Sunoo knew, maybe he didn’t, but Jake knew that the day he fully turned his back on his feelings for him, there’d always be just a little bit of regret. Not painful regret, but just wondering what could have been with a small smile on his face.

It seems that day has come, though, because he knows Sunoo is approaching him as a friend right now: all cards laid out on the table, no subliminal messaging to gauge Jake’s feelings.

So he does what he does best: be supportive. Genuinely.

Jake hums in thought before responding, tapping a pattern on the back of Sunoo’s hand.

“No, honestly. I’ve only ever had one long relationship, which wasn’t the best. And all my little flings before that were for fun more than anything else.” It’s clearly not the answer Sunoo wants to hear, and he nods resignedly. Jake rushes to speak again, not wanting him to walk away upset. “But, we’re young! And there’s no better time to start thinking about what we want for our lives than now. If you like someone, why not go for it?” And then, because he cant help himself: “Who is it?”

Sunoo stares at him with forlorn eyes, and Jake startles when his hand suddenly flies out to grip his wrist tightly.

“Jake hyung. If I tell you, you have to promise to seriously never tell anyone.”

Jake stares at him, a little frightened. “Yeah, you know I won’t.”

Sunoo searches his eyes for a minute before nodding, releasing his death hold on him and slumping over in his chair again, facing the wall in front of him. “It’s Sunghoon.”

Jake does his best not to choke, even though he hacks a few coughs, reaching desperately for his coffee to wash away the absolutely nothing that got stuck in his throat. Sunoo, apparently expecting nothing less, only hands him a napkin and waits eagerly for a verbal reaction.

Once Jake recovers (barely), he takes a steadying breath, tilting his head to the side. “Wow.”

“Well?” Sunoo questions. “I’m crazy, right?”

Jake thinks about it, and he wants to say yes.

But then he thinks about Sunghoon’s penchant for initiating skinship with Sunoo when he’s more reserved with others, and the way he always invites the other to sit next to him despite other seats being available, even if it means other people having to scoot over, and Jake thinks it’s not entirely crazy.

So he shakes his head and smiles, doing his best to not make it one tainted by bitterness.

“No, not at all, Sunoo. I’m sure it’s not nearly as farfetched as you think.” Sunoo returns his smile gratefully, reaching out to hold his hand.

“Of course. My reliable hyung.” Sunoo looks up dramatically, eyes roaming around the ceiling without direction. “Where would I be without you?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying for the last three years,” Jake teases without missing a beat, relieved when he sees Sunoo roll his eyes as he comes down from his little cloud of admiration. “So do you think you’re gonna go for it?”
Sunoo snorts, letting go of Jake’s hand in favor of picking up his pencil and getting back to his paper. Jake hurries to do the same, keeping his eyes trained on Sunoo’s face.

“No. Not yet, at least, I have no idea if he would even say yes. I love you hyung, but you’re bad at being objective if it means not hurting my feelings.”

Jake knows this is absolutely true, but he still protests for the fun of it. “I can be brutally honest with you,” he says, false offense clear.

“If I needed that, I would go to Jay. Or even Jungwon. You’re my all-around emotional support, hyung. That’s more important than honesty.”

Jake holds a hand to his heart, touched, and then laughs when Sunoo pointedly ignores him, sipping on his drink. “Well, if you want, I can do a little digging. I have my ear to the ground at all times.”

Sunoo hesitates, then agrees. “But don’t be obvious about it!”

Jake scoffs, flipping to a new page of his textbook. “You underestimate my abilities, Sunoo. Just wait for me to work my magic, okay? I’m smooth when I need to be.”

“Yo.”

“Yo,” Jake greets Sunghoon, setting his backpack onto his desk chair before sitting down on his bed. He waits until Sunghoon tosses his phone down and pushes himself up from where he had been laying down to face him.

“What’s up?”

Jake doesn’t really bother with delicacy, internally apologizing to Sunoo.

“Do you like Sunoo?”

Sunghoon’s eyes widen and he snickers incredulously, but then runs a hand through his hair, shaking his bangs in front of his eyes. He hums, leaning back against the wall, head turned to the side as he considers. Then his arms fold over his chest and he faces Jake, clearly interested, but otherwise unreadable.

“You mind expanding? If I answer this question and you’re not asking what I think you are, it might be kinda awkward.”

Jake sits on his hands, jutting his chin out noncommittally. “I’m asking.”

Sunghoon understands, inhaling slowly before letting his breath out in one short huff. “I mean… yeah.”

Jake feels in desperate need of a spa day. He hates being a college student.

“Yeah?” He asks, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Why haven’t you asked him out?”

Sunghoon eyes him apprehensively, grabbing a little hacky-sack ball he has sitting on his bed frame. “Honestly?” He tosses it to Jake, who receives it smoothly and nods before tossing it back. “I kinda figured you… staked your claim on him already. I was just waiting for you to ask him out.”

Jake gapes, fingers clenching around the ball when Sunghoon throws it back. “What? What, what do you mean?”

Sunghoon fixes him with a dry stare, raising one of his thick, perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Dude. Maybe Sunoo and everyone else didn’t notice, but I did. You stare at him like he can do no wrong.”

Jake groans, not bothering to catch the ball. He simply allows it to hit him in the chest and knock him over when Sunghoon tosses it his way, falling back against his mattress. “Are you serious?” His hands slap over his face, muffling his next half-shout.

“I mean, it’s really not that bad. Genuinely. I probably only saw because I look at him just as much as you do,” Sunghoon admits quietly, almost guilty.

Jake doesn’t bother gathering the strength to sit up and look Sunghoon in the eye. Instead, he allows any sense of coordination to slip away from his body as his hangs limply drag down his face and fall back to his sides. 

Staring up at the ceiling, he mumbles, “Why didn’t you ever do anything? If you’ve noticed me, that means you’ve been noticing Sunoo for a lot longer.” Sunghoon walks over to his bed and grabs the ball, using it to smack Jake in the chest again. “ Ng – bitch! What was that for?”

Sunghoon lets out a half-laugh, half-grunt as Jake grabs the front of his sweatshirt, dragging him down and flipping him over so he’s straddling his waist, using his hands to keep Sunghoon’s clawing fingers away from his face.

He can’t focus on the way Sunghoon is laughing like a child because he can barely hear him over his own tired pants and giggles, coming up short on breath as he bats at his face like a hopeless chicken in water.

Eventually, Sunghoon gets the upper hand because it’s basketball season and it had been weeks since Jake had had the time to get more than a quick run or a gym session longer than half an hour in, and he finds himself sitting on his ass on the floor.

Breaths coming out harsh and heavy, Sunghoon stands over him and holds a hand out to help him up.

“Because if I thought you wanted to be with Sunoo, even if you sat on your ass doing nothing for like, ever,” he begins, pulling Jake up when he latches onto his hand. “Then that meant he was off-limits to me. Dumbass.”

Jake scoffs, but then Sunghoon shoves at his shoulder and looks at him in that Sunghoon-way that’s so sincere it’s scary. He doesn’t know how he does it so easily, but he nods, biting down on his lip. “Thanks. Same goes for me, I hope you know.”

“I know.” Sunghoon’s responding lopsided grin reminds Jake of what a truly good person he is, and how great he’d be with Sunoo. He can’t really resent either of them for liking each other, can he? Both of them calmer now, Sunghoon leans against the footboard of his bed and looks at him with narrowed eyes. “Why do you ask, though? Scoping out the competition?”

Jake snorts, shaking his head. He walks over and plops down in Sunghoon’s chair, hands clasped on his lap. “Talked with Sunoo today. There’s no competition here.”

Sunghoon freezes, staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Meaning?”

Jake pulls his phone out, responding to one of Jay’s many text messages regarding their upcoming psychology exam. He tucks it away and sees Sunghoon still awaiting an answer. He shrugs, figuring he could make Sunghoon and Sunoo at least do some of the work themselves. 

“Figure it out, dumbass.”

Chaehyun stabs at her salad with her fork, waving it at Jake’s face after managing to spear a piece of lettuce on its plastic prongs. “Spill.”

Jake’s eyes slide side to side, hand stilling over the tangerine he had been peeling. “About what?”

Chaehyun scoffs, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “About the guy that was staring at you like you were a piece of meat while we were working the check-out desk?”

Jake sighs. As if he could forget. “You mean Heeseung? Don’t tell me you don’t know who he is, the whole campus does.”

She hums around a mouthful of cucumber, waving her fork around in the air. “I mean, I think I’ve heard the name before? Something about a hunky new guy who must be at least bi because of the amount of rings that he wears, but lesbian circles don’t really keep up with guy gossip.”

Jake lets out a bark of laughter, popping a tangerine slice into his mouth. “Anyways, there’s no story there. he’s been here for like barely over a month, and he’s already apparently hooked up with like ten people, but he keeps bothering me.”

Chaehyun eyes him suspiciously, taking an ungodly amount of time to swallow before speaking. “You didn’t seem that bothered.”

“What?” Jake’s eyebrows fly up incredulously, and his thumb punctures the delicate skin of his orange. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means what it means,” Chaehyun brushes him off, chuckling in surprise. “Don’t get so offended, he’s attractive. Nothing wrong with liking the attention, Jakey.”

He huffs, crossing his arms. “I didn’t like it. I was working, I can’t tell him to fuck off while I’m trying to maintain a professional environment.”

Chaehyun softens, patting his hand sympathetically. “You know it really is okay to like someone noticing you though, right? It doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate, everyone likes being liked. So long as you don’t lead him on, there’s no harm in allowing him to appreciate your many charms,” she says sarcastically, brushing Jake’s cheek with the back of her hand.

He slaps her hand away, biting back a smile as she laughs. “No, trust me, I’m doing my best to discourage him.”

“Well, he didn’t seem the type to take no for an answer, I’ll give you that.”

Jake gives her a single look and it’s enough for Chaehyun to know she’s right on the money. She shoves another forkful of salad into her mouth, pointedly ignoring Jake’s displeased nose scrunch. 

“Look, if he gives you any real trouble, you know I’ll do my best to help out. But in my opinion, who cares if he sleeps around? We all do, it’s natural. If he has the reputation you say he does, if anyone goes into it with the expectation of something more than a one-nighter, is that this Heeseung guy’s fault?”

Jake pouts, reaching for his orange again. “I can’t believe you’re defending him! You don’t even know him.”

Chaehyun groans, pushing her container away from her in exasperation. “That’s not what I’m saying! I just mean, don’t hate before you get to know him! You have to give it to the guy, he’s certainly not shy in his advances, so you must be worth risking other potential dates that could see him ogling you. If he’s still at it with you after weeks of you not giving him the greenlight, maybe he just actually wants to get to know you.”

“I’m new here, Jaeyun. Just trying to settle in, would you begrudge me something that simple? Because I’d like to get to know you.”

Jake clears his throat, shaking it off. “Maybe. But whether it was him or any other creep, or a perfectly respectable member of society, the answer is still no. I’m not into dating right now.”

Chaehyun purses her lips, but doesn’t object. She and Jake weren’t super close when he had his tragic split from he-who-shall-not-be-named, but word spreads among the student body. Pretty much everyone knew, even if not in great detail.

There’s a knock on the door and Seonghwa peeks his head into the breakroom. “Hey. Slackers. Break ended seven minutes ago and I have places to be.”

Chaehyun bats her eyelashes, leaning her head on her chin. “Meeting with your adorkable little boyfriend?”

Seonghwa flushes and makes a swift exit, shouting over his shoulder, “Out! Now!”

Chaehyun wipes her mouth and throws her napkin down, pushing herself out of her seat. “Duty calls. Shall we go see if your very public admirer is still here?”

Jake stands, tossing his peel into the trashcan from across the room and watching it sink in. “Shall we?”

Despite his hopes and prayers, Heeseung is still sat at the same table, and is now joined by his legions of admirers, including–

“Jay?”

Jay turns toward him, laughter still fading from his lips. His smile brightens upon seeing Jake in his ratty, oversized hoodie, standing awkwardly in front of a table of well-dressed music majors. Birds of a feather really flock together, he thinks, taking note of Jay’s favorite leather jacket, which is draped over his chair.

Jake forces a smile when Jay stands up to greet him, introducing him quickly to the rest of the table before turning his attention solely to him. “When’d you get here?” He asks, deciding against the question he really wants to know the answer to, which is “what the fuck are you doing here with him?”

(It sounds stupider anyways– they’re roommates in the same department, he really is going to have to get used to seeing him around.)

Jay waves his hand in the general area behind him as he responds, “We all got out of lecture early, Heeseung said he was hanging out here so we decided to join him.”

Hanging out , Jake thinks, not studying, but hanging out. He nods, then feigns confusion, cocking his head to the side. “Did he not have class, too?”

Jay shakes his head. “Because he transferred so late, his schedule is kind of a mess still. It’ll all be worked out soon, don’t worry.”

Why in the world would I be worried?

“Plans for the rest of the day?” Jay asks before Jake can ponder any further. “We were just making dinner plans if you want to join us after your shift. I was about to text everyone anyways.”

Before Jake can come up with some bullshit reason for not being able to go, a tiny hand slaps onto his shoulder and gives him a shake, causing Jake’s head to whip to his side where a beaming Chaehyun stands.

“He’d love to come! Jay, wasn’t it?” She beams, extending her hand.

“Right, and you’re Chaehyun?” Jay matches her energy, offering his own smile. “You’re welcome to join us, too!”

She shakes her head, waving him off. “I promise I would any other time, but I have a date tonight.”

Jay ahh’s in understanding, reaching into his pocket. “If you give me your number, we can keep in touch! Jake’s kind of hard to reach when he works, so if I ever need to find him–”

“Feel free to give me a call,” Chaehyun grins, punching her number in and handing it back. 

Jake watches the entire interaction go down with a gaping mouth, words not forming in his brain. He doesn’t have a concrete reason why yet, but Jay and Chaehyun having access to each other and being the two top proprietors of the campaign to not let him breathe seems like a recipe for disaster.

“I’ll see you around, then? And Jake, we’ll see you later, yeah?” Jay confirms, not even looking at him as he saves Chaehyun’s number.

“Sure,” Jake replies grimly, lips pressed together. 

From behind Jay’s back, Heeseung has been paying rapt attention, the satisfied smile that appeared on his face when Jake agreed making him feel like he had walked right into a trap. He ignores it in favor of grabbing Chaehyun by the elbow and all but dragging her back to the desk with the excuse of having to go back to work.

Pointedly speaking over Chaehyun’s giggles, Jake groans, “You’re so dead to me.”

“How could you do that to me? Are we even close enough for that?” Jake demands, rubbing his free hand over his face as the other holds his phone in a tight grip against his ear.

Chaehyun gasps on the other side of the line, affronted. “ I resent that! And besides, aren’t the rest of your real friends going to be there? You know, the ones who are close to you ,” she adds on, sniffing petulantly.

“It’s not even a matter of him being there! I have to, study. Tonight,” Jake supplies lamely, cringing and squeezing his eyes shut when he realizes Chaehyun would have a field day with his excuse.

Surprisingly, she doesn’t tease him though, responding much more sincerely than he expected. “ Jake. Can you forget the fact that he’s going to be there for just a second? You’re literally going out for dinner, and then drinks at noraebang! Just have fun! Have you even taken one moment to enjoy yourself since school has started?”

Jake sighs, fiddling with the string of his hoodie as he twists around in his desk chair. He’s grateful Sunghoon isn’t in the room, because while he’s okay with just about any of his friends listen to him bitch about all his problems, there are fewer people he’d trust with stuff like this. Sunghoon is one of them, but he also sort of has to be eased into serious conversations– it’s one of Jake’s favorite things about him actually, but he does have a tendency to freeze up when he’s forced into a serious atmosphere (in a way that’s so endearing it sometimes makes Jake forget they’re the same age).

“I don’t know,” Jake mumbles after a little while. He tries to think of a moment after that first dinner that he went out for a night with his friends, or allowed himself to stop cramming in order to take a break when his head pounded with a headache and screamed at him to slow down. “I guess I haven’t.”

“ Then go. You literally do your work instead of going on your phone like a normal person whenever there’s a slow day at the library, I know for a fact you can’t be too behind. So do me a favor and enjoy yourself, okay?”

Jake scuffs his heel against the floor, listening to the dull sound of his sock sliding against the rug beneath him. He lets Chaehyun’s words hang in the air before he drops his head in defeat and nods, even if she can’t see it.

“Yeah, okay.”

“ Good. I’ll see you Thursday, okay? And you can tell me all about it. ”

“You have less of a life than I do if you’re looking forward to that. Aren’t you supposed to be on a date in less than an hour?”

“ She’s here with me, loser. I filled her in, she’s just as invested as I am.”

Jake sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Hi, Youngeun.”

“ Hi, Jake!”

He laughs incredulously and then stops bouncing his leg, not even realizing his heel had been rapidly tapping against the floor for who knows how long. “Alright. I’ll see you later.”

Chaehyun (and Youngeun) share their farewells and then hang up, leaving Jake in a now eerily quiet room. He must be crazy for even considering to go to the dinner, but one quick text to the group chat confirms everyone else will be there.

There’s going to be a dozen people in that room, surely enough to distance himself from Heeseung. Jake can do this.

And really, if he does end up having to suffer through one measly interaction with him, what’s the harm?

Jake claps his hands, giddy, as Sunghoon takes his seat next to him, out of breath. Jake hands him his beer, patting his back as he refreshes himself with heavy gulps.

“I didn’t even know you were capable of hitting such notes, hyung,” Sunoo remarks, eyes shining with astonishment.

Sunghoon is ‘hyung’ now, Jake notes, looking down at his lap. His smile comes back to him quickly enough though, as Sunghoon leans back against the couch, cheeks shining with sweat.

“I’ll never be able to listen to another IU song the same way again,” says Ni-ki, a bright eyed freshman Jay has taken under his wing. He wipes real tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes as Sunghoon stands up again and takes another bow, rousing a round of rowdy applause and cheers.

When he sits back down, he pats Jake’s leg. “You wanna take a turn?” Jake looks at him with round eyes over the rim of his glass, emptying his cup. Sunghoon raises his eyebrows as he pours himself another poktanju, hitting the table with his fist to get the soju glass to fall in. “Shouldn’t you slow down a little bit?”

On Jake’s other side, Sunoo nods his agreement, eyeing Jake with concern. “Is everything alright, hyung?”

Jake grins, cheeks sporting a peachy flush. “I’m fine,” he responds simply, raising the glass to his lips. “Why?”

“Because you can’t drink for shit, and normally that means you have enough control to have no from more than a light beer. This is like your third drink,” Sunghoon scolds him, paying no mind to the rest of the room swaying along to Hueningkai as he starts singing a Lady in Red song.

“Chaehyun told me to have fun. I’m just trying to have fun. Doing something new for once,” Jake brushes Sunghoon’s hand off, letting the glass hit the table with a thud. He flashes both of them as convincing a grin as possible, leaning his head on Sunoo’s shoulder. He pretends he can’t feel Sunoo turn his head to look to Sunghoon for support, blatantly ignoring the fact that he just shakes his head in response.

Hueningkai finishes and Jake whoops, letting the alcohol’s buzz settle nicely into his bones. He feels floaty, and the fact that Heeseung’s eyes catch the light nicely as they find his from across the room doesn’t even make him feel that bad.

It’s not like he had come with the intention of drinking himself silly, but one look at Heeseung with his dangling earrings and the dipping collar of his shirt was enough to convince Jake he wasn’t going to get through the night sober (and it would also give him an excuse if he did anything stupid).

He feels bad for making Sunoo and Sunghoon worry, but the way the two of them had been trading far from subtle glances the entire night didn’t help matters either.

God, how is it even possible to be this bitter and washed up at 20?

Jake brings himself back to the present and claps when Huening finishes, reaching out to give him a bro-shake as he returns to his seat.

“Jake, why don’t you go next?” Beomgyu grins, holding the free mic.

Really, Jake has nothing to lose.

So he stands and takes hold of the mic, encouraging everyone to cheer louder with his hands, laughing like a child when Sunoo starts leading a “Jake Sim” chant. He takes only a second to select a song, not thinking too much of it.

He doesn’t even really recall singing the lyrics seconds after they leave his mouth. He can’t focus on the phone flashlights being shone on him from all around when there are so many sensations overtaking his body at once.

Jake’s grip on the mic tightens as he sees Sunoo and Sunghoon scoot closer together to fill the remaining space where he had sat minutes ago. There’s a short interlude in the song where he doesn’t sing, and he spends those seconds trying desperately to unclench his teeth and calm down.

It’s hard though, understanding how quickly his life is changing just when he was about to reach a balance. At the heart of it, Sunghoon and Sunoo’s budding relationship doesn’t irritate him because of his past crush on the latter; the main reason it gets under his skin this much is due to the fact that he knows he’s going to be losing two of his best friends.

Not ‘losing’ losing them, just… it won’t be the same. And it’s been a while since Jake has had to deal with anything other than same.

Same clothes, same routine, same job, same school, same friends. Same, same, same. Sunghoon and Sunoo liking each other doesn’t fit into that, and neither does Heeseung.

Heeseung, the guy who seems to have some sort of feel of what’s happening, from the way his eyes actually focus on something other than Jake, flitting from Jake to the happy couple. When he offers Jake a smile, for once it’s not flirtatious or with intention, it’s just understanding.

Mercifully, just as Jake feels like he’s about to reach his limit, watching Sunghoon swing his arm over Sunoo’s shoulder and whisper something into his ear, the song ends. Jake bows, but doesn’t make his way back to his seat.

Instead, he passes the mic off to Soobin, and excuses himself to the bathroom (but not before stealing the older’s cup and taking a swing, laughing cheekily as he exits the room). Once in the hall, he shakes his head like a dog in a vain half-attempt to clear the ringing from his ears.

He always conveniently forgets about this nasty bit– when alcohol is no longer his friend and becomes an enemy. It’s beginning to feel like the walls are closing in on him with how much his head is spinning, and Jake’s feet naturally start to carry him outside instead of to the bathroom.

Once the fresh air hits his face, Jake realizes at once how cold it is, and also how freeing it was to have a little quiet for once. He takes a few steps away from the door, stepping off the curb onto the asphalt of the parking lot. 

Inhaling in and out slowly, Jake is in the process of convincing himself it would be better to just call an Uber, ditch, and explain to all his friends tomorrow that he had a bitch of a headache, when a greasy voice rasps from behind him.

“No way. Jaeyun-ah?”

He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t know who it was just based off the way he says his name alone.

But he’s already on the verge of tears and it would be pathetic if this is what pushed him over. So willing himself to persevere through just a few more minutes of this somewhat-shitty night, Jake turns around.

“Hyunjin.”

He can’t be more than an inch taller than Jake, but it still feels like he towers over him, looming above him so he feels as small as an ant. He quirks a brow, head rearing back in surprise.

“What, no more ‘hyung?’”

Jake’s blood pounds in his ears, fingers curling into fists as he retracts his hands into the sleeves of his shirt. Thank god for liquid courage though, since his tongue remains loose even as his body tenses up like a rock.

“It’s been a while.”

“Well, you know I’m at Loyola-Marymount for my master’s. Besides, I couldn’t really see you during my senior year. You dropped off the map.” There’s a vindictive gleam in his eyes when he says it, and Jake wants to throw up, mind going blank with panic. He hates feeling this helpless. He hates how much power he still holds over him. “Didn’t feel like partying much?”

Jake stays silent as he begins walking closer, chest rising and falling quicker. His answer comes short and clipped. “No.”

Hyunjin stares at him, studying him. Jake waits for his wandering eyes to take their fill, standing like a mannequin on display. After his inspection is complete, he hums, maybe in approval. “You grew up well, Jaeyun-ah.”

“Don’t call me that.” Jake’s voice wavers, even as he wills it not too. God, his head hurts.

Hyunjin ignores him, laughing like he was watching a child taking their first steps. “Talking back? You’ve changed. It’s impressive, baby.” Jake doesn’t even register that he’s whimpering until the noises escaping his lips are stopped by an abrupt gasp, shaking even more when Hyunjin reaches up to stroke his cheek with the back of his hand. “You’re drunk, aren’t you? I can take you home.” He chuckles. “You here alone?”

“He’s not.”

Hyunjin’s hand falls away and he turns away from Jake in annoyance, face stone cold when he sees Heeseung standing by the door.

Jake hadn’t even heard him coming outside, but he’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t relieved. It’s not that it’s Heeseung specifically, but he just needs someone. He needs someone right now, feet stuttering until he’s leaning against a stranger’s car, legs too weak to support himself.

Hyunjin pays him no mind, approaching Heeseung instead with a sneer on his face. “Dude, do I know you?”

Heeseung’s expression doesn’t change, betraying none of his emotions. “No. Do you need something, or are you done here?”

“We were talking. Do you have an issue with that? Or,” Hyunjin turns back around and looks at pathetic little Jake, understanding dawning on his face. “You two are together maybe? Makes sense.” He smirks. “I didn’t think Jake could stand up for himself, but I guess it’s because he’s got you to do it for him when he goes all mute.”

Heeseung squares his jaw. “Leave. If you have a car, get in it. If you have friends, go piss them off instead.”

Jake’s head is in his hands, and his skin on his face is raw from the cold and the friction of his fingers rubbing at it. He doesn’t know when he started doing that. 

He can’t see much of what’s happening, but he hears Hyunjin’s voice getting closer to him as he walks away without further protest. “Good to see you, Jaeyun-ah.” Then he’s inches away from his ears, voice dropped to a low whisper. “Let’s catch up soon, hmm? Without your boyfriend around.”

That’s all it takes for Jake’s broken mewling to turn into actual cries, hardly muffled by his palms, which he hurriedly clasps over his mouth. 

“...Jake. Jake.”

Heeseung is calling his name, but Jake hardly has it in him to respond. He just keeps crying, uncaring of how loud or pitiful he sounds. It’s not until he can feel the goosebumps being scared away from the surface of his skin that he begins to realize his surroundings again, and Jake notices the jacket now draped over his shoulders, smelling of cigarettes and a familiar cologne.

“Jake, stay present, alright? He’s gone. It’s okay.”

Heeseung is close, and for once Jake doesn’t care. His voice is soothing, and the way his hands rub up and down Jake’s arms keep him grounded. He can feel his breath stabilizing, but it’s still enough.

He finally cracks open his eyes and looks up at Heeseung, silently asking. They really don’t know each other at all, besides the few times Heeseung had been around when Jake would swing by Jay’s dorm. 

 It’s a wonder Heeseung knows exactly what to do, stepping closer and allowing Jake to tuck his head under his chin, wrapping his arm around his upper back. Jake melts into the half-embrace– it’s not a hug, because he’s basically just resting his limp torso against Heeseung’s, but when he begins murmuring assurances into the top of his head, Jake finds himself coming down quicker than he ever has from one of his anxiety attacks.

Eventually, when he’s gained enough control of his senses to process what went down, he starts to panic again.

Shit, what the hell am I doing?

Before he has a chance to utter any explanation, slowly (reluctantly) pulling away from Heeseung, the latter silences him with one look, warning him not to apologize or give any other excuses.

“I was going to take a smoke break, but if you wanna go back inside, I can come with you. Or, I can stay out while you go inside, whatever you want.” 

There’s no joke, no double meaning behind his words. He’s staring at Jake with genuine concern and it makes him wonder when he got so… real. It makes everything about him that much scarier.

“I…” Jake is still wiping the tears away from his cheeks, still struggling to catch his breath.

Heeseung doesn’t rush him, just encourages him to wear the jacket, his jacket, properly by tugging the lapels closer together. Jake does without a word, sliding his arms through the sleeves, which are hilariously oversized on him.

“I will warn you, I don’t have my vape, so you’d have to tough it out through the smell,” Heeseung tells him, eyes glinting knowingly.

It makes Jake crack a smile, and his head drops forward as he laughs quietly. When he raises his chin, Heeseung is a little closer, and he can’t tell which one of them moved forward. “I think I’ll survive.”

Heeseung grins, nodding. “Okay, then.” He reaches forward and his slender fingers feel like they’re burning holes through Jake’s body when they brush against his chest to pull his pack out of his jacket’s chest pocket.

Before he can light up, though, the door opens again and through slightly blurred vision, Jake can make out Sunoo and Sunghoon.

He hurries to wipe his tears before they reach him, but he’s not subtle enough about it for Sunghoon not to notice. He looks at Jake with concern, but doesn’t say anything until his eyes settle on Heeseung.

“Hey. What’d you fucking say? Is this your fault?”

The tone of his voice surprises Jake– they’re certainly not as close as Jay, or anyone else in the music department, but as far as he was aware, Sunghoon and Heeseung got along swimmingly. Or at least they had at the mixer KASA hosted for their new members.

(Jake was surprised Heeseung had stayed true to his word and actually attended.)

It’s clear Sunghoon isn’t happy though, from the furrow between his brows to his closed off stance, the corners of his lips tugged downward. Sunoo stays quiet, but when Jake’s gaze falls on him, he mouths “Are you okay?”

Jake just nods his head curtly and looks away, getting to his feet properly. His ass is kind of sore from sitting on the cold metal of the car’s hood, but he pays that no mind, looking up to Heeseung.

He’s admittedly a little more afraid of how Heeseung will react, since he knows Sunghoon well enough to know he’s not too confrontational; Heeseung is a wild card in his book.

Surprisingly, the eldest of them just shakes his head, answering nondescriptly. “I noticed Jake wasn’t feeling well. I figured he had too much to drink, I just wanted to check on him.”

He doesn’t mention anything about Hyunjin, and Jake feels his shoulders sag with relief. It’s a chapter of his life he doesn’t really feel like revisiting, and tonight was probably indication enough for Heeseung.

Sunghoon looks to him for confirmation, and Jake tries to summon enough strength to speak up.

“I didn’t think Jake could stand up for himself, but I guess it’s because he’s got you to do it for him when he goes all mute.”

“I’m fine, Sunghoon. Thanks.”

Jake can tell Sunghoon doesn’t believe him, and he comes closer, Heeseung stepping out of the way to give them privacy.

He’s actually kind of nice, Jake thinks, but he has no more time to ponder what must be an intoxicant-induced thought coming at the height of an extreme emotional hormone rush, because Sunghoon lays a hand on his shoulder, catching his attention.

“Jake, are you sure? You seriously don’t look that good, you want me to stay out here with you?”

He appreciates it, but honestly Jake feels too humiliated to really be around anyone else besides Heeseung right now. (For no other reason than that he witnessed it anyway, and he’s too shaken up by seeing Hyunjin to be left entirely alone.)

“You guys should go back inside, seriously. You were probably right about me drinking too much, I might head back early.”

Sunoo speaks again (Jake nearly forgot he was there), voice brimming with worry. “Why don’t we go with you? I wanna make sure you get to sleep safely.”

Jake blanches, the combined presence of Sunghoon and Sunoo making him feel even more emotionally drained somehow. For whatever reason, he looks to Heeseung, and finds him already looking at him, cigarette now perched between his lips. Jake turns back to Sunghoon and Sunoo, their two expecting gazes bearing down on him.

His jaw dangles open uselessly, and then Heeseung breaks the silence, pulling the cig away from his mouth. “I was thinking of heading out. I was going to drive to a corner store or something to grab another pack. I can take Jake with me and then if he decides he wants to stick around I can drop him back off before going back to the dorms. But if not, he can just hitch a ride with me. If he wants to.”

It’s a clear out, and Jake scrambles to take it, wondering how much he’ll be indebted to Heeseung by the end of this night. He flashes an apologetic smile, hoping his relief isn’t too apparent. 

“I think I’ll probably go with him. The night’s still young, yeah? You guys should stick around and have fun,” Jake punches Sunghoon’s shoulder playfully, hoping to lighten the mood.

It proves ineffective when Sunoo bites down on his lip, cheeks puffing out. “Hyung, are you sure? I want to come with you, it’s not an issue.”

“No I know it’s not, Sunoo, but Heeseung hyung was going to leave anyways. It’s just easier, alright?” Jake reassures him, not noticing the honorific until Sunoo’s face falls, and he points it out.

“Heeseung ‘hyung’...?”

Kicking himself and mentally groaning, Jake decides to ignore it entirely, patting Sunghoon on the elbow and nodding his head toward the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? Talk then.”

Sunghoon seems to understand and accepts the refusal, nodding and telling him the same before ushering Sunoo back inside.

Heeseung does manage to get a cordial wave out of at least Sunoo before they disappear into the noraebang, and he laughs to himself when Jake lets out a huge exhale, chest caving from the force.

Then it’s just the two of them again, and Jake remembers why they’re in this situation to begin with.

“Thank you,” he mutters, cheeks heating. He’s still a little drunk, even if the sheer adrenaline from the previous events powers over it; and the fact that the outside air actually has helped clear his mind. “For the save, and for not tipping those two off.”

Heeseung shrugs, looking intimidatingly put together after having more drinks than Jake (not that he was watching) and having faced two separate confrontations within ten minutes. “It really wasn’t a big deal. You wouldn’t be surprised that I’m so nice if you actually spent some time with me,” he tacks on slyly, making Jake roll his eyes.

“You can’t have one fucking moment of being serious?”

“Who says I’m not?” Heeseung fires back just as quickly, twice as smugly.

Jake does his best to not roll his eyes again, then shoves his hands in the pockets of Heeseung’s jacket. “Where’s your car?”

“Hey. Can I ask you a question?”

Jake’s legs are swinging over the edge of the rooftop, and he accepts the bottle of water Heeseung hands him with a nod of thanks. He hadn’t thought twice before accepting Heeseung’s offer to hang out on the roof of their dorm building-- he took one second to consider what would happen if he was still awake, or like, vomiting in the bathroom when Sunghoon eventually came home, and started up the stairs without another word.

Heeseung saved his ass from a lot of awkward situations tonight, so he figures the least he can do to pay him back is risk putting himself in one more.

“Sure.”

Heeseung sits down next to him, looking out at the nightscape, and when Jake looks at him he can see his picturesque side profile: the slope of his nose, his defined bone structure, and the way his sharp adam’s apple bobs when he drinks from his own bottle of water before speaking.

“Why don’t you ever give me a chance to speak to you?” Jake winces, that being the last question he wanted to answer. He’s laughing though, so Heeseung can tell he’s not too upset. “I’m not trying to angle at anything, really. I’m just kind of curious.”

“No, you’re fine,” Jake sighs, waving his hand. “I mean, you met my ex tonight. I assume you can put some of the pieces together from that alone?” Heeseung nods, pressing his lips together. “I don’t really like talking about it, but I think you’re already a little more in the know than I would prefer any of the friends that I’ve known for years to be, so no harm, right?”

Heeseung softens, voice gentle. “There’s no pressure, Jake.”

“It’s fine.” Jake just closes his eyes for a brief second, opening them and watching as the city lights twinkle in front of him. “I, uh, I moved here from Australia like, literal weeks before uni started. I already knew Sunghoon because our parents knew each other from their college days, but other than that it was a total fresh start. And I was really shy, but I met a lot of my friends through KASA, like Jay and Sunoo.” There’s a quick flash of something in Heeseung’s eyes, but it goes just as quickly as it comes, and he nods for Jake to continue. “And I met Hyunjin there, too. He was handsome, and charming, and he seemed so cool, with the way he dressed and spoke. Just had this confidence I didn’t, you know? And in a room full of new freshman recruits, he singled me out. The attention was kind of intimidating, but I didn’t mind because he helped me open up a lot. And then after a few months of harboring this like… weird, half-crush on Sun— someone else, I realized it wasn’t going anywhere and Hyunjin asked me out.”

“So you said yes,” Heeseung follows along, eyes trained solely on Jake.

“I said yes,” he confirms, not bothering to hide his frown. “We kept it quiet. And if you asked me back then, I would have told you it was because I wanted to keep things private because it was so new. My first relationship, love at first sight, all that shit. I tried to make it seem really cute to my friends, so after a while they got sick of hearing the same old thing. Stopped asking.”

Heeseung’s hands trace patterns on the concrete below them. “What would you say now?”

Jake scoffs, looking up to the sky. The stars seem dimmer than the city somehow. “I would say that he requested we not tell anyone. Because I was a freshman, and he didn’t want his friends to think he couldn’t bag anyone in his own year. And I agreed because it meant I got to hop into the backseat of his Tesla and make out with him after my afternoon lectures.”

“Height of romance, yeah?”

Jake bites back a smile. “Something like that.”

“Something like that,” Heeseung repeats, voice low. “And next in your epic love story?”

“Well chapter two begins with me having to show ID at CVS because they didn’t think I was old enough to buy condoms, but if you’re okay with it, we can skip that part?” 

Heeseung bursts out laughing, the entirely unapologetic sound enough to get Jake giggling along with him. Emboldened by the remnants of beer in his system, and the fact that he’s sitting here, probably making the (second) biggest mistake of his life by even talking with Heeseung, Jake continues. 

“Things were good, or like, fine I guess. I mean it was kind of all bad, but I’ve mentally rewritten most of it to be tolerable,” Jake admits. “We kept it a secret for a solid three months until he got drunk at a party. Got pissed at me for not wanting to have my first time in a stranger’s bathroom and nearly broke my wrist dragging me out of there.”
Heeseung stares at him, shocked, and undeniably angry. Jake just dismisses him with a small noise of exhaustion. He’s warred with himself mentally over this for the last two years, going back and forth between blaming himself, and crying himself to sleep, and throwing his backpack at the wall until he nearly broke his laptop and realized he needed to move on.

“After that, my friends got more involved, Sunghoon especially. Tried to get me to break up with him but I really wasn’t hearing any of it. It was so bad the fucking idiot nearly got himself temporarily suspended from KASA because he almost got in a physical fight with Hyunjin at a meeting. Luckily, literally everyone else was able to vouch that Hyunjin was the one who initiated it, so the other KASA leaders let them both off with a warning.”

“No wonder Sunghoon is so protective of you,” Heeseung says, and there seems to be some respect behind the name when he says it. “You guys must have been through a lot. Especially because it seems like there’s more.”

Jake pokes Heeseung’s thigh, making a little ding-ding sound. “Bingo. No, I mean, it’s not like it got much worse after that. He would always apologize, so I would forgive him, because he was still… he was still my first love. My first. ”

Heeseung’s face hardens and his lips curl with something like disgust. “You guys…?”

“Yeah. Not quite as romantic as a bathroom at a party, but in his childhood bedroom when we went to visit his house for the break. I cried for like three hours after he fell asleep.”

Heeseung’s hand grips his, and Jake looks down at it in surprise before his eyes travel back up to Heeseung’s, taken off-guard. He doesn’t seem to want to say anything else, but he just holds on for support, and surprisingly it helps. Jake hadn’t realized how much he needed to talk about it until now.

“Anyways,” he sighs, trying and failing to not focusing on how large Heeseung’s hand is on top of his own. “After that, we fought a lot and he was the one to end it. Because he got bored . And it should have hurt, but I found out a couple weeks after the breakup I was his longest relationship. So I must have been a little entertaining, at least for a little while, you know?”

“Oh, I’m sure you were more than that. No guy makes a fool of himself in a public parking lot if he’s not a little bit hung up.”

“That’s the weirdest attempt at comfort I’ve ever received,” Jake laughs, shoulders bouncing up and down. “But, that’s the whole thing. I was a big pain in the ass for Sunghoon though, since he was my roommate. He had to deal with a lot of sweet-talking my professors and classmates into giving him my work because I would skip classes, and I just… fell off the grid socially for a little. He was also an accomplice to my many underage drinking binges, so I figure if you have a loose tongue and word spreads about this, I’ll have to take him down with me– and you don’t want to mess with a Sunghoon scorned, so be wary,” Jake points a warning finger at Heeseung, who swats it away with a breathy laugh. Jake sways from the minimal force, his shoulder brushing with Heeseung’s as he steadies himself. “It was kinda natural for me to swear off dating after that.”

Heeseung nods in understanding, but it seems like he’s biting his tongue. Jake watches him expectantly, widening his eyes more and more until Heeseung breaks under his stare and looks away, both of them silently agreeing to truce.

“I’m sorry I haven’t taken the hint, then. I just thought you knew you were way out of my league or something.”

Jake shakes his head. Looking back, Heeseung’s incessant flirting doesn’t seem nearly as annoying as it used to. “You’re not the first to try in the last two years. You just happened to be…”

“The worst?” Heeseung suggests, not looking too upset about it.

Jake shakes his head, their eyes meeting. The smile slowly fades off his face as Heeseung looks at him with kind, pretty doe eyes. “No, not the worst. Just… the worst for me. You’re a fucking flirt, for one. So I didn’t think you were being serious, but… the way you spoke, your self-assuredness.  You even used my Korean name. You reminded me a lot of him, at first.”

Heeseung’s fingers move to intertwine with his, not moving away. “At first. But now?”

“Now?” Jake whispers, lips pursing in thought. He hums, tapping his fingers against Heeseung’s. “Now you’re someone who’s birthday I don’t even know. But who knows my deepest trauma. So that makes you what, my therapist?”

“I could work with that, I guess,” Heeseung nods slowly, considering. He takes another sip of his water, swishing it around in his mouth before swallowing. “But the thing is, if you hadn’t just gone through something really hurtful, and you weren’t still a little drunk, I don’t know that you would’ve been saying any of this.”

Jake feels a little bad for how easily Heeseung accepts his blatant rejection, even if he knows he doesn’t question it knowing the reason behind it now. It still makes him feel a little guilty, but Heeseung’s tone of voice indicates he doesn’t think Jake has any reason to be.

“So, I guess… I’ll leave it up to you whether or not you actually wanna remember any of this tomorrow. Personally, I had a good night,” Heeseung reasons, voice light. “But I think now’s about time for me to take you back to your room so you can get some rest. And if you wake up the next morning thinking about what a good night you had too, then you know where to find me. But if you decide you’re better off not thinking about this ever again… then I can live with that.”

“Hyung…”

“Under two conditions,” Heeseung gets to his feet, letting go of Jake’s hand. He hops down from the ledge, then stands in front of Jake as he swings his legs around to face him. “The first, being that you keep calling me ‘hyung.’ I like the sound of that.”

“And the second?” Jake can’t hold back from asking, thinking about how ethereal Heeseung looks when wind begins blowing, brushing his bangs against his forehead. He resists the urge to tuck his hair behind his ear.

“The second is that you tell me if anything I say makes you uncomfortable, or crosses a boundary. Because don’t get me wrong, I’m still interested, and I’ll continue to make that perfectly clear. Unless you don’t want me to.” Heeseung holds a hand out to help him down, looking completely serious. “Deal?”

Jake already has his answer ready before he even asks, sliding his hand into Heeseung’s for the second time that night.

“Deal.”

“Good,” Heeseung says with finality, arm falling back to his side when Jake hops down.

A particularly strong breeze reminds him he’s still wearing Heeseung’s jacket, and that the owner of the article must be cold. He offers to give it back as they make toward the door, but he only shakes his head.

“You keep it. Looks good on you.”

Jake snorts, shaking it off. “We’re going back inside, idiot. I’m not doing the cheerleader-jock thing where I wear your fucking letterman jacket to school after we hook up. Take the damn jacket,” he shakes it at Heeseung, who accepts it after a little longer.

“It’s not a letterman jacket,” he says under his breath, folding it over his arm anyways.

Jake ignores him pointedly, continuing to walk in silence. They keep going like that until they’re on Jake’s floor outside his room. He reaches into his pocket for his keys, and once his fingers close around them he tugs them out, not unlocking the door yet.

He turns around to Heeseung, who was standing behind him with his hands shoved in his pockets. Before he can think any better of it, Jake presses himself up on his tippy toes and lands a soft kiss on his cheek, lingering before he lands back on flat ground.

The look in Heeseung’s eye is akin to awe, and he stutters speechlessly, not managing to say anything else before Jake is sliding the key into his door, looking back with a small smile.

“See you around?”

“Yeah. Good night, Jake.”

He’s inside and closing the door when Heeseung says it, but he still leaves it open just a crack in order to make sure he hears. “Jaeyun. Jaeyun is okay. Good night, hyung.”

Jake does remember everything that happens that night.

And if not for two things, he would have been actually willing to talk to Heeseung more, try to be his friend.

The first is no new information, but Heeseung continues to flirt around. Jake doesn’t doubt he was being sincere that night, it’s just that he doesn’t really think he could compete, or wants to compete with the hoard of pretty girls and boys directing their pheromones at him.

The second is a new development; whenever Jake and Heeseung are within each other’s vicinity, Sunghoon magically appears to whisk him away.

Heeseung is in the area after Jake gets out of a lecture, and offers to walk him to get lunch? Sunghoon is by his side in seconds, taking him in the opposite direction. Jake hangs around the library a little after his shift to help Heeseung with his multivariate calculus? Sunghoon somehow accesses his psychic third eye to know they’re together, and calls him to see what he’s doing.

That’s not the case right now, though, because right now Jake is making his way into a cafe, doing his best to cram for his upcoming art history exam. He skipped his afternoon-evening work out to make sure he would have sufficient time to get it done before he had to eat dinner, and made sure to choose a location that not too many students frequent, since it was a little farther away from the local Starbucks.

It’s a cute little place, sleek and modern, and Jake trusts he can get it done. Truthfully, he’s pretty confident, but it never hurts to get extra studying in. It’s with this mentality that he pushes the door open, planning to head straight for his regular table.

That’s the plan; what happens instead, is that he pauses in his tracks, stock still by the door.

Because behind the counter is Heeseung, looking equally as surprised to see him.

“Welcome,” he says eventually, ever the professional.

Jake nods stiffly, gripping the strap of his bag and walking over to his normal table. He takes his laptop out, sets his notebooks neatly in front of him like he normally does, and grips one of his pens tightly, doing his best to focus.

It proves nearly impossible for the first fifteen minutes though, when he can hear Heeseung’s voice, and see him make brewing coffees look like something out of a romcom. Or a slightly more mature movie, seeing the way his forearms flex as he grips the lever of the espresso machine.

Not that Jake was listening or watching.

Mentally slapping himself into getting back on track, Jake flips the page and begins only his second page of notes in the last twenty minutes he’s been sat down, only for someone else to join him, sitting across from him.

Jake raises his gaze slowly, seeing Heeseung cross his legs and sip a matcha drink, looking at him blankly.

“What?” Jake asks, shifting self-consciously.

“Nothing. Just thought I’d take my break, do you mind?”

“Only if you’re going to sit there and watch me the whole time,” Jake mumbles, dropping his pen. 

“Well, I wasn’t sure if you were interested in talking to me, but now that I know,” Heeseung shrugs, flashing him a winning smile.

Jake rolls his eyes, something he does more out of habit than anything else, and nods toward the counter, where someone else, another very pretty girl, has taken over. “When did you even start working here?”

Heeseung squints, looking up to the ceiling. “A little over a month, about, five weeks ago? It’s good pay, close by. And a customer hot-spot, so. Good tips.”
Jake can’t help the single derisive laugh that bubbles up in his throat, but out of the goodness of his heart, he does his best to belatedly muffle it in his palm. “Customer hot-spot I’m sure. You stand and pose in the window for a little while and the chicks come flying in?”

“Yeah,” Heeseung concedes without shame, blinking. “Good place to meet people too, I forgot that one. Got a few numbers already.” He leans closer across the table, dropping his voice conspicuously like he’s sharing a secret. “One I’m still missing, though.”

Jake watches and does nothing else as Heeseung pulls his phone out of his pocket, sliding it across the table to him. Wanting to yank his chain just a little, he plays dumb. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

Heeseung sighs laboriously, shoulders slumping in mock defeat. Then he straightens, looking at Jake with wide, pleading eyes. “Would you please give me your phone number?”

The blonde pretends to consider, yielding after only a second. “Only because I’m surprised it took you so long to ask. Not really your style to wait around, so that must make me really special, right?”

“You’re undoubtedly special,” Heeseung affirms, accepting the phone back from Jake and smiling in satisfaction when he looks down to save the number. He tucks it back in his pocket, then counters, “You’re wrong though. But I don’t consider it so much ‘waiting around’ as I do waiting for the right time.”

“Only for special people?” Jake entertains him, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

Heeseung doesn’t respond straight away, keeping him waiting. When he responds, it’s with that tone of voice that makes Jake feels like he’s being strung along in some weird balancing game. “Yeah. Just you.”

It makes his heart beat faster before he calms himself, reminding himself to be sensible. After that night two weeks ago, he needs to do everything in his power to get any rationality to return to his body, to feel some sense of calm.

“God, you just say stuff, don’t you?” Jake laughs incredulously, studying long forgotten. He rakes a hand through his hair, which he really needs to cut soon. He’s caught between playing Heeseung’s strange game, which he’s oddly tempted to try to win, and maintaining some sense of sanity. Stil, he has to know. “You don’t even know me that well, hyung. Which means you either have a really specific type, and no one else at our university of thousands of people satisfies you, or you’re what, I don’t know. Like, set on wining and dining me so you can dump me like everyone else? Is this whole shtick really worth that sense of accomplishment?”

Heeseung sighs again, but this one is heavier. The look on his face makes Jake think he might’ve crossed some line, but it’s too late to take back his words, especially considering they were probably a little too harsh.

He doesn’t know why he still feels the need to be this defensive; Heeseung had already proved he wasn’t at all like Hyunjin, and Jake knew there wasn’t anything to be scared of. It’s not like he’s some freak living in the Victorian era either, he knows very well there’s nothing wrong with having an active sex life. But maybe it’s the fact that he already likes Heeseung a little too much– in spite of the two of them not knowing each other that well– that still terrifies him.

“Can I be honest?” Heeseung asks softly. Jake nods, lowering his eyes, unable to handle the fact that if he looked for a second more, he’d probably be able to discern what emotion is dancing around in his irises. “I don’t know what’s going to work with you. I’ve literally done everything except actually ask you out. I think you’re funny, and kind, and charming. And every single person I’ve talked to about you all say that you’re one of the sweetest people they know. Even though I think he’s kind of presumptuous and a little bit of a dork , I can tell how much Sunghoon cares about you.” 

Jake stays quiet, hoping his face isn’t as red as it feels. 

“Sunoo, too. Even if it’s not in the way you care, or used to care, about him.” 

That sets him alight more than anything else Heeseung had said, and he’s about to break down into tears right then and there. “Am I that fucking obvious to everyone?” Jake’s lips twitch, and he can’t tell if he’s about to smile at how fragile he’s acting, or cry because maybe Sunoo knew too, and never said anything because he didn’t want to make him feel bad. His head drops so far down, his chin is practically digging into his chest. “Sunghoon noticed too. Said I look at Sunoo just as much as he does, and you’ve seen for yourself how precious they are.”

“For the record, I don’t even think Sunghoon and Sunoo would continue dating without your blessing. You’ve been too distracted lately to notice, but Sunoo’s been moping because he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you about it. But you kind of missed my point. I’m not talking about people who are looking at Sunoo, I’m talking about me looking at you. And you never looking back.”

Jake’s head snaps up. Heeseung looks defeated for once, like his insane capacity for flirting has finally met its match.

“If incredible, albeit adorably oblivious, boys are my type, then yeah. You fit it to a T. But do you honestly expect me to sit on my ass and wait? Because you keep giving me mixed signals, and it drives me crazy. More than you would think, because sometimes, like now, you’ll sit here with me and make me think I might have a shot, but tomorrow?” His eyebrows rise and fall in exasperation. “Who knows, you know?”

Jake feels like a dick. “I’m sorry,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. He can’t really do much better than that. That looks like the last thing Heeseung wants to hear, based off the way he presses his lips together, hands tightening around his cup. Jake understands, no one wants to make themselves vulnerable only to get apologized to. “I’m interested, okay? You’re nice, and  I just… I’m confused.”

Heeseung nods slowly once, and Jake wants to say something more, he just doesn’t know what. Heeseung does.

“I get that. And like I said, I understand. I can be patient while you figure things out on your own, but I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that’s never going to happen.” 

It’s a raw confession, and it’s so different than anything he’s said before. As much as it is a reflection of a very apparent truth, there’s another unspoken message, one that puts Jake in a situation he hadn’t ever expected in the last two months of knowing Heeseung; a situation where he’s the one who has to decide what his intentions are.

Heeseung purses his lips, tapping his finger against his cup when Jake fails to verbalize any of the ninety thoughts flying around his head. He smiles, but it’s ingenuine and forced. “My break’s almost over, I should–”

“Wait!” Jake finally finds his voice, wincing when it comes out a bit louder than he intends. Heeseung pauses, half-caught between standing and sitting. Jake rises, knocking his pen onto the floor in the process. Right, he had been here to study , he remembers vaguely. Screw that, he shakes his head, rubbing his hands against his jeans. “Look, can you… do you have any classes this Friday?”

Heeseung stutters, brow furrowing like he wasn’t expecting Jake to be the one to ask him to do something. It’s always been him offering to go on coffee runs with him when Jake goes out to pick up his and Jay’s orders, or getting up from where he had been comfortably lounged on a couch just to greet him when he arrives at a party.

He indulges though, nodding. “Yeah, my last one ends at 3:00, but I was planning to go to the studio.”

Jake jumps at the chance, mentally reviewing his schedule. “I’ll stop by, if that’s okay.”

Heeseung doesn’t respond straight away, eyeing Jake like he’s waiting for a punchline. When nothing comes, no ‘gotcha’ moment, he nods, throat bobbing nervously. “Alright.”

Jake’s fingers unclench, he hadn’t noticed they had formed tight fists. “Tell me which room you have booked, okay? You can text me now.”

Heeseung laughs under his breath as he walks away. 

When Jake unlocks the door to his dorm and steps inside, his bag slides off his shoulder and drops to the ground as he grunts exhaustedly, turning to shut the door behind him.

He doesn’t notice Sunoo and Sunghoon laying together on Sunghoon’s bed until the latter raises his head off his pillow and greets him, nearly shocking Jake out of his skin. He whips around and barely manages to not let out a ridiculously loud gasp, even as he plasters himself against the wall, fingers scraping against the wood of the door. Sunoo giggles at his reaction, clambering over Sunghoon’s legs and walking over to him.

“You’re even more of a scaredy-cat than Jay, hyung,” Sunoo reaches his arms around Jake, pulling him into a warm hug.

Jake’s body responds before his mind does, returning the embrace weakly and patting the small of Sunoo’s back. “I didn’t realize you guys were in here, that’s all.”

Sunghoon nods, face blank. More often than not, it is, but over the years Jake’s gotten pretty good at discerning whether there’s a question behind those wandering eyes or not. Sure enough, he sits up, looking up at Jake. “Studying go well?”

“Couldn’t really focus, so I just decided to come back early,” Jake fibs, picking up his bag and setting it down properly by his desk. There’s a few seconds where he forgets that he also lives in this room, and he stands awkwardly before deciding to just sit in his chair, spinning it around to face toward the other two. “What’ve you guys been doing?”

“Waiting,” Sunghoon replies bluntly, Sunoo teetering on his feet before walking over to sit next to him. He eyes Jake watchfully as Sunghoon continues, “We wanted to talk to you.”

Jake grips the arms of his chair, then sees Sunoo looks just as nervous as he does and forces his fingers to release one by one. “About?”

“We haven’t really seen you around, hyung. Has everything been okay?” Sunoo asks, the hazel ring of his eyes looking unnaturally bright under the cheap lighting of their dorm room.

“We were going to try to speak with you after the noraebang, but you went home with Heeseung instead,” Sunghoon adds bluntly, not even flinching when Sunoo lays a warning hand on his leg. 

Jake doesn’t take it personally; his tone wasn’t accusatory, and while Sunghoon wasn’t always the most sensitive, he made a good match for Jake, who admittedly could spend days beating around the bush.

It also makes him consider the fact that while Sunghoon probably was doing his best to keep Jake ‘safe’ from Heeseung, it could have also been an attempt to track him down and keep him updated about him and Sunoo. Like Heeseung was saying.

And the thing is, maybe he’s never going to forget the way his heart would flutter when Suno stepped in a room. But after coming to the belated realization that he’s just as confused and oblivious when it comes to his own feelings as Sunghoon and Sunoo were about each other, Jake honestly only wants them to keep making each other happy. They’re young, but their lives won’t last forever. They might not always be so closely intertwined, and more than anything Jake wants to be a glue that helps bring them together, not give them any reason to keep apart.

So before Sunghoon can announce (with as much tact as his himbo brain can muster) that they’ve started to date, Jake decides to beat him to the punch.

“I’ve been fine. Just been trying to give the newly weds some privacy. If this is your way of telling me you’re not going to sexile me from my dorm, then I’m all ears. Anything else and I’ll walk out this second,” Jake threatens with no real obligation.

Sunoo’s mouth drops open as if he had heard something scandalous, cheeks flushing as he stammers nervously. “That’s not–”

“I mean he’s not wrong, Sunoo.”

“Hoon!” Sunoo slaps his shoulder, retracting into an invisible turtle shell and covering his face.

Sunghoon laughs at him fondly, in a way Jake might’ve done a few weeks ago. Now, he just watches them, lips pulling to one side in a subdued smile.

“So am I safe to return or no?” He teases when Sunoo eventually resurfaces, recovering quickly enough to nod enthusiastically.

“We were going to order in, will you stick around, hyung?” He extends an invite, not bothering to hide the hope in his voice.

Jake changes seats, extending his body across his bed and feeling his muscles relax into his duvet. Face half-buried in his pillow, he accepts the offer tentatively. “I might be asleep by the time the food gets here, but if I’m conscious, I’m in.”

Sunoo beams, cheeks bunching up into happy bread buns. “Oh, and on Friday I’m done by 4:30 so Ni-ki and I are going shopping, do you want to come? We were going to go to the mall and then see if we could go to this photo gallery installation he wants to check out. Sunghoon hyung has practice so he can’t make it, but I was hoping you would join.”

The smile drops off Jake’s face slightly as he remembers he still has to figure out what he even wants to say come Friday. “Oh. Um, sorry, Sunoo. I can’t make it either, I have plans. With Heeseung.”

Sunghoon, who had busied himself with tracing lines on the back of Sunoo’s hand, looks up. He looks worried more than anything else, and Jake remembers he still doesn’t even know about his run-in with Hyunjin.

Oddly enough, as a little time passed after, the whole thing gave him closure. If all he felt when he saw Hyunjin was scared , Jake still considers it a win. He’d rather feel anxious than regretful. Like it was his fault the relationship didn’t work. Thank god he’s past that, and thank god for Sunghoon for helping him get to that place.

It’s a reminder of how thankful he is for him, and it convinces him even more that Sunghoon deserves a proper explanation– at that very first night when they got drinks and Jake met Heeseung, Sunghoon had been the one encouraging him to talk to him. It’s obvious his massive 180 in his attitude toward Heeseung, and also, frankly, Heeseung’s very valid exasperation, is owed to Jake’s inability to just say what he wants or needs, and that’s not how he wants things to be anymore.

“He’s been really nice to me considering I haven’t really given him a fighting chance,” Jake fiddles with his sleeves, laying on his back. He doesn’t look at Sunghoon when he continues, “I just want to get to know him a little better. I haven’t really been fair to him and he’s willing to look past that, and some other stuff.”

When he chances a glance over at the two, Sunoo is nodding supportively, smiling softly in approval. “I’m really happy for you, hyung. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic thing, I’m just glad you found someone who matches with you well.”

Jake sends Sunoo a grateful look, lingering for only a second before he turns to Sunghoon, who looked uncharacteristically serious.

“Jake, you have to be careful.”

He understands exactly where he’s coming from, but it still stings a little to think Sunghoon doesn’t believe in him enough to be responsible. Jake’s jaw clenches as he looks away nervously, and slightly resentfully. “What, you don’t think I can handle myself?”

Sunghoon is on him immediately, scoffing in disbelief. “No, I trust you plenty. But honestly, it’s been months and barely anyone besides Jay could tell you anything about Heeseung outside of his last name and his body count.”

Jake stiffens. The words sound so condescending and reductive, and he hates that not even a day ago, he felt the same way. It’s not his fault or Sunghoon’s for not knowing better than to make assumptions about Heeseung from surface level information, but that only happens to be the situation because no one knows anything about him, which still makes Sunghoon right.

For all the tender moments that Jake and Heeseung have shared (more than one, which is one too many), he still doesn’t have any idea what he’s getting himself into.

One side of his head is telling him to not be idiotic, and that that’s exactly why he should get to know him better before letting his anxiety win over him, but the other is still scared , and wants to fall into the comfortable truth Sunghoon is presenting him.

But comfort wasn’t what Sunghoon and Sunoo were relying on when they took the risk of moving forward. And there they are, happier together than they ever have been before. If Jake wasn’t such a coward, too afraid to leave the cushy boundaries of his friendship with Sunoo from the beginning, that could have been him.

“I could be the first to, Sunghoon,” he counters, voice soft but firm. “I get it, but I made my mind up about this. I put you through a lot. When you had to watch me go through everything with Hyunjin, I know it made your freshman year a bigger hellscape than it needed to be. So I know that you’re just trying to help, but trust me when I say Heeseung isn’t anything like him. He could be worth the risk.”

Unspoken, he thinks, I want him to be.

The entire time, Jake remains staring up at the ceiling. He would have sat up in order to make his whole monologue less melodramatic, but there are pins and needles running up and down his spine with how afraid he is to voice his conviction. 

It’s fine though, because Sunghoon just sighs, and then Jake can hear him get up from his bed before he joins him on his, sitting down near his waist. He props his torso up slightly, raising an eyebrow apprehensively.

After a second, Sunghoon holds his hand out, looking only half-convinced. “If you get your ass bit, I’ll say I told you so.”

Jake can feel his features relaxing into a relaxed smile, a wave of relief washing over his body despite his itch to punch Sunghoon for his crudeness. Nonetheless, he reaches out and accepts Sunghoon’s hand, pulling him into a short hug. 

Without waiting for an invitation, Sunoo rushes over and nearly tackles them both, bringing Sunghoon and Jake back down against the bed with an ‘oomf.’ He laughs in his endearing, warm, Sunoo-way into Jake’s ear, face buried between their bodies. He wriggles around like a little worm, giggling all the while keeping his arms tightly wound around both of them.

“I love you both,” Sunoo sighs, planting a wet kiss on Jake’s temple.

Sunghoon whines, lifting his head and poking Sunoo’s shoulder with a disgruntled look on his face. “Why don’t I get one?”

Jake shakes his head when Sunoo only cuddles in deeper, closing his eyes. “You’re such a baby.”

Jake passes a few doors as he looks for the number of the studio Heeseung had texted him. His feet carry him down the hall slowly, doing his best not to trip.

He wonders how he had never come to this part of the music department before, considering Jay’s been to his neck of the woods plenty of times. The idea of having to ask a random upperclassman for direction was terrifying to him, so Jake admittedly got a little lost wandering around before he found the right building– if he hadn’t left fifteen minutes earlier than he needed to, he would have been late.

One glance at his watch tells him he’s still a little early anyways, when he stops outside the right room. He peeks through the small rectangular window of the studio, seeing the back of an unfamiliar head of half-platinum, half-black hair. Cautiously, he raps his knuckles against the door, raising a hand awkwardly when the man turns around, waving him in. 

Jake tugs on the handle and steps in, closing the door behind him gently. There’s an entire layout of intimidating, fancy-looking producer stuff that steals his attention away at first, but when he snaps out of his state of wonder, he realizes there’s a soft voice coming through the speakers, and his mind belatedly supplies, Oh. Someone’s singing.

Then, the man twists in his chair to face Jake and speaks in a low voice, headphones looped around his neck. “We’ll be done here in a second, if you want to sit down.”

It barely registers, because at that moment, Jake looks up and realizes Heeseung is the one singing. He’s got his eyes closed, standing in front of a mic stand and holding his headphones securely over his ears as sheer art flows out of his throat.

“Yeah, thanks,” he mumbles dumbly, backing up until his knees hit the edge of the leather couch situated against the wall, lowering himself down and balancing his elbows on his knees when his ass hits the cushion.

There’s no telling how much time passes with him frozen still, listening to Heeseung sing, until the other student cuts the track. Heeseung doesn’t even look up, shuffling the sheet music on his stand. “Hyung, can we go from 24? Just the doubling on the right, I want to get a different feel for the last measures of the chorus.”

“Yeah, but make it quick. You don’t want to keep your guest waiting.”

Jake startles at being mentioned, sitting up straight when Heeseung looks in his direction. The older just smiles and then pulls his headphones back on, turning away. “Just press record. And send all the sound to the left side.”

“Bossy,” the Cruella-man mumbles, smacking a few buttons and leaning back in his chair. Heeseung starts again, singing a song Jake doesn’t recognize, this time pulling one side of his headphones off until it rests behind his ear. When he finishes, he pulls them off completely, setting them behind the mic stand and walking over to the door.

He pulls it open with a heavy sigh, heading straight to the producing table and muttering something into his colleague’s ear. He nods in understanding and then the two of them turn around to face Jake, the other with a knowing smirk on his face.

It makes Jake feel small, until he stands, walking over to him. For some reason, he had expected him to be at least Heeseung’s height, so he’s surprised to see they’re similar in size when he walks over to shake his hand.

“Jake, right? Nice to meet you. I’m Hongjoong.”

“He’s an upperclassman, in the year above Yeonjun,” Heeseung explains, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a sip as he leans against the desk, pointedly ignoring Hongjoong’s glare. His voice is still slightly raspy despite the water, and the way he teases his senior so casually makes him even more charming.

“Nice to meet you,” Jake smiles, even more taken aback to find out he was even older than Yeonjun. 

Despite the man’s size, it still does make sense the more he thinks about it– there’s a reassurance in the way he carries himself that makes him seem wise, just upon first impression. The way he operated in the studio makes Jake think he must be good. Like, really good.

“That was really impressive. Did you write that?” He asks, gesturing to his monitor.

Hongjoong nods, his flashy earrings dangling. And his style, too. His jacket, which must be custom, because it’s got all sorts of doodles and writing painted on, and his shoes, which are bright, bold hightops. This guy is really cool. Jake thinks he really has to start expanding his social circles.

“I asked him for some help in learning how to produce, so I’m doing the demo for one of hyung’s songs as a favor.”

“I’d be remiss to not take the opportunity to get the Lee Heeseung on one of my songs, right?” Hongjoong gloats, Heeseung shoving at his shoulder from behind. He laughs, shoving right back. “Don’t act so shy now. This guy’s not even been here a full year and he’s already become a minor celebrity.”

Jake looks to Heeseung for confirmation, only to see him grab a canvas messenger bag (also most likely custom and also very cool.) and shove it at Hongjoong’s chest, shooing him away. “Stop spreading lies. Get out of here.”

“This is still my studio, you know,” Hongjoong responds, unimpressed. Heeseung continues to usher him away, unhearing of his complaints. The last thing he manages to get out is, “Don’t fuck on my couch!” and then he’s out the door.

It’s then that Heeseung finally turns and gets a proper look at Jake, ruffling up his hair where it had been matted down by his headphones. 

“Hey,” Jake starts. It’s been days since you’ve been able to see him, and your opener is ‘hey?’

Heeseung pretends not to see him cringe at his own voice, trying to hide the way his mouth quirks up into a smile. “Hey. Find your way here okay?”

Jake thinks back to the confused looks he had gotten when he passed a group of people multiple times, walking up and down the lawn until he found the right building. “Yeah, thanks.”

Heeseung opens up a small mini-fridge, handing him a bottle of water. Jake accepts it and then sits back on the couch, before Hongjoong’s parting words echo in his head and he shoots back up.

Heeseung laughs, probably knowing exactly what’s going through his head, and tilts his head towards it. “Sit,” he grants permission, joining him after he does. “Busy lately?”

“Not as much as you, I’m sure. Celebrity, huh?” Jake teases, Heeseung ducking his face behind his hand bashfully.

“He’s only saying that because I did well on my first composition with this professor everyone hates. He was the TA for that class, that’s how we got acquainted. He loves making it a bigger deal than it actually is,” Heeseung picks at a thread on his sleeve.

“Don’t downplay it, Jay’s always talking about how his classes are notoriously difficult. And I heard you, just now. You’re really talented, hyung.”

“Thanks,” Heeseung bites down on his lip, looking pleased. 

There’s a short bout of silence where neither of them speak, but Heeseung keeps looking at him, a question in his eyes. He’s hesitating though, and it makes Jake wonder what changed between them that now Heeseung’s words hold just as much weight to himself as they always have to Jake. It’s scarier now that they both know what’s at stake.

“Heeseung?” Jake prods, just slightly impatient.

“I heard something.” It spills past his lips the second Jake’s mouth closes. “From Jay. Who heard it from Sunghoon. About you.”

Jake twitches nervously, hands balling into fists as his index fingers roll over his thumbs repeatedly. “And what would that be?”

“Well it was more like Jay asking me if Sunghoon and I had a fight. When he asked about whether you guys could join us for Ni-ki’s birthday celebration or not, Sunghoon told him ‘as long as his roommate didn’t do anything stupid, he’d be there,’” Heeseung recalls amusedly. “And that he only elaborated by saying he’s just following your lead. Since you’re the one who trusts me.” Jake’s grateful to have Sunghoon as his friend, but that man truly has no filter. “Any idea what that’s about?”

Jake just sighs, shaking his head. “Never listen to anything that guy has to say, you learn to tune him out over the years.”

Heeseung laughs heartily, Jake’s (fond) exasperation evident. He rubs his hands together, searching for any other reaction. “I mean, it was interesting to me though. Just wanted to see if you had any thoughts.”

He nods slowly, words simultaneously forming too quickly for his own brain to process and not quickly enough. “I told him I wanted this, whatever this is, with you. To work. I asked him to trust me enough for me to be– for us to be a part of each other’s lives.” Heeseung inhales sharply but doesn’t interrupt. “I honestly don’t think it got any more complicated than that. I guess the only part that matters now is what that actually means for us.”

“‘Us?’ There’s an ‘us’ now.” It’s not a question, but a statement, and an instigating one at that. He’s hopeful, but cautiously so. “So, what, that means you like me now? No more flip-flopping?”

The look in Heeseung eyes is burning with intensity, and even though he’s not insisting on any specific answer, there’s a gravity in Jake that pulls every solution to any problem in the universe he can conjure to the tip of his tongue, just so he can share them all with Heeseung like dirty little confessionals.

It’s funny how Heeseung manages to do that to him, to overload his sensations so easily. His existence demands an audience of Jake at all times, and at this point it’s clear to both of them already; regardless of how scared Jake was or how unwilling he was to let himself fall into Heeseung’s orbit from the second they met– he’s always going to keep coming back.

Heeseung is still waiting for his answer, and Jake feels like they’ve both spent enough time doing that. “No more flip-flopping,” he affirms. “I want a fresh start. No more making assumptions or fucking around.”

Heeseung’s squints as his bottom lip juts out. “I feel like the last part was targeted at me.” Jake’s head bobs side to side and he shrugs, which is a clear yes. Heeseung scowls, making him laugh. “Can’t we just say both of our actions were justified and move on?” He grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest petulantly. “I don’t even think I was that bad.”

Jake’s mouth falls open. “Do you not remember the time you stayed at the library the entire day just to ask me questions about where to find certain books? You literally made me walk you to an aisle that was two feet away from us, and you didn’t actually read any of the ones you chose.” He whines when Heeseung begins to snicker, clearly knowing exactly what Jake is talking about. “Chaehyun gave me so much shit for that!”

Heeseung sighs, wiping an actual tear of laughter from the corner of his eye. It wasn’t even that funny, but clearly he loves lording stuff like this over Jake’s head– no wonder he and Jay get along so well. “Point taken. I skipped a class for that, you know.”

“That’s not something to be proud of,” Jake says dryly, even if he is slightly impressed by Heeseung’s commitment.

“Well, you remembered it so clearly it made an impact,” Heeseung refutes smugly, any sign of disagreement from earlier gone. 

Jake huffs incredulously, but doesn’t make any other arguments as silence falls over them. Heeseung’s eyes are twinkling and focused entirely on Jake, their knees inches away from each other on the couch. Jake isn’t looking down at his lap, but he can feel their close proximity, the warmth radiating between their bodies.

He clears his throat, tongue swiping across his lips nervously. “So? Any thoughts of your own?”

“Many. I’m not sure how many of them are appropriate to share right now.”

“Be serious .”

Heeseung cracks a smile, but nods. “I could be into that.” He approaches, leaving barely any distance between them, half-lidded gaze trailing up and down Jake’s face as his voice drops lower. “New start. No false impressions.”

Jake swallows without meaning to. He’s not sure if either of them are breathing anymore, but then he feels Heeseung’s breath hot on his face and realizes at once just how close they had gotten.

There’s a hazy intent lying behind the deep brown of Heeseung’s eyes. It seeps down from head to toe, leaving a burning trail of excitement and dread in its wake. Jake can feel the way goosebumps raise on the surface of his skin, how his muscles tighten without warning. His body tenses in what must be a natural response to Heeseung, chest rising and falling with each hasty intake of air. There’s a question on the tip of Jake’s tongue, and if his inhibitions are lowered even slightly, he’d find himself biting off more than he could chew.

Jake never once thought he’d willingly find himself on the receiving end of one of Heeseung’s near salacious advances, knew in his core that he could never let himself yield to one of his flirtatious whims– and he hasn’t.

Because there’s a discrepancy: Heeseung’s demeanor remains playful, but carefully so– there’s a measured weight to each enticement he shares, a purposeful desire. He’s got just as much at stake here as Jake.

There’s no tact to Jake’s approach. He speaks with none of the deliberation Heeseung utilized to maintain the dynamic of power in each of his throw-away interactions. After months of push and pull, the most tantalizing inner contemplation, Jake only has want left in him. He wants to stoke the fire, fan the flames of his curiosity. He wants to know, he wants to do.

“Hyung. Hyung, can I–?”

Jake’s not allowed enough time to finish asking before Heeseung bridges the gap between them, seizing full control as his lips find purchase against his own. Jake inhales sharply as Heeseung’s hand snakes into his hair, adjusting him at will to find a better angle. Jake is plaint in his grip, melting under his hold as his fingers graze against Heeseung’s cheek, a soft, lingering touch that mitigates the urgency of his actions. 

Still, he presses forward again, insistent as Jake recoils slightly before reciprocating easily, falling into an easy rhythm. At some point Heeseung had taken hold of his other hand, now interlocking their fingers between their bodies. Eventually though, Jake starts to run short on breath and he places slightly more pressure on Heeseung’s jaw, forcefully keeping him at bay. 

His eyes flutter open slowly, frowning as if he had been wronged. “For real?”

Jake scoffs lightly. “I need air , you know.”

Heeseung pays his pointed response no mind, rolling his eyes before he’s bringing Jake in again with the patience, or lack thereof, of two people who had spent too long keeping their cravings at bay. He gives in, just as much for his own sake as Heeseung’s, smiling against his lips. 

Knocking their foreheads together, Heeseung locks eyes with Jake, panting heavily. “Go on a date with me.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Jake agrees immediately, feeling Heeseung squeeze his hand tighter, holding it against his chest. Like this, he can feel how fast his heart is beating, and it gives him some satisfaction to know he’s had a similar effect on him for once.

Heeseung looks to him for confirmation, pulling away. “Yeah?”

Jake bites down on his lip, wincing. “Just not in the next week.” Heeseung groans, throwing his torso back against the couch as Jake rushes to explain. “I’m swamped, okay? But soon.”

Heeseung pouts sulkily, but doesn’t push. “Fine. I’m holding you to that, okay? Soon. ”

He nods. “Soon.”