Chapter Text
October 2014
The hand on top of hers felt rough and callous against hers. She was used to it, really. Tonight, however, the feeling brought a knot to her stomach, a nauseous feeling to her throat. She wished, not for the first time that night, that she had any other option.
But she didn’t.
So she forced her brain to focus on words being spilled through a whiff of cheap lager - and some other thing that smelled acrid - and smiled her most charming smile.
The hand on top of hers left with the promise of a quick piss and a smirk that had no place sharing a home with the words said inches from her ear, about going back to his place and about the night being young.
Lena flinched, touching her forehead. Maybe sleeping on a bed on a stormy night was overestimated, after all. She was really considering taking her things and leaving the bar, before she heard the roar of thunder outside, followed by the flickering of the bar’s lights. She sighed, feeling overwhelmingly tired all of a sudden.
“I know what you’re doing, you know.” The words came from the opposite side. She turned her head slowly, already psyching herself up to take the judgmental looks of a stranger in a shack of a bar. This night couldn’t get worst, could it?
What she found instead was a gentle smile, even if a little lopsided. The playfulness she found dancing in the stranger’s eyes was not enough to prevent Lena from furrowing her eyebrows. She was simply not in the mood.
At the sight of Lena’s humorless expression, the stranger sobered a bit herself. “That dude is not worth your con, it’s all I’m saying.” She added a shrug for good measure.
“What makes you think that I’m conning him?” She challenged because even if this woman was right, Lena was proud enough to feel offended about being called out by anyone.
At that, the woman all but burst out laughing, throwing her head back unceremoniously. “C’mon.” Was all the verbal answer she got, followed by a once over that said pretty much all that needed to be said. Lena ignored the quickening of her heart at the words unspoken.
In honesty, she was not at her finest form. Her hair, currently up on a messy bun, hadn’t been washed in two days, the last time being in a gas station shower three cities ago, her clothes were kind of dirty, but not by much, she had had them washed not a week ago. In an overall sense, she looked mildly decent, but even then, she knew she looked way out of Cheap Lager Breath’s league.
So she didn’t argue with the stranger. She did instead take some time to study the woman. She didn’t look pristine and clean herself. Her navy blue jeans looked like they had seen better days and the gray sweatshirt had old yellow spots around one of its leaves. She looked kind of gorgeous even then, hair up on a low pony tale and clear eyes hidden behind her glasses.
At Lena’s lack of response, the woman sobered yet again. “Truly though, I saw you getting here with the knapsack. I reckoned you needed a place to hide from the rain.” She smiled kindly. “And then when I saw you giving that loser the time of day I reckoned you really needed someplace to hide from the rain. Are you a traveler?”
Not the first time people assumed she was a backpacker, and in a sense, she was. But not really. Yes, she lived on the road and yes, she didn’t usually stay too long in the same city but like, backpacking is a lifestyle that you usually choose for yourself and you plan it; and you usually want to get someplace or you at least have some kind of timeline.
None of those had anything to do with the reason Lena had just been measuring the precise amount of beer a grown man needs to drink to bring her to his house and yet not be sober enough to think he has any entitlement to her body.
She decided sidestepping the question was the easier way to go. “Were you stalking me?” She asked, and she reckoned, it sounded kind of teasing and she knew she’d been known to be flirty so she found it easy to forgive the woman’s low gasp and widening eyes. “No-, of course not. I mean-” She stammered a bit before noticing Lena’s smirk and narrowing her eyes at her. “I’m observant.” She finished, solemnly, and at Lena’s chuckle, she seemed to take a moment to embolden herself. “So, do you need a place to stay or not? I think your friend must be almost done pissing everything in there.” She nodded in the general direction of the bathroom.
At that question, which sounded like an invitation if Lena had ever received one, she leaned her head up, considering, eyes narrowing and studying the woman beside her. This time, her most charming smile was not so much of a conscious effort and more like a spontaneous reaction.
The good thing about having the worst nights was that they could only get better from there. “Lena.” She extended her hand.
“Nice to meet you. Name’s Kara.”
.
“So, what’re you doing next?” Kara asked her, sounding way too casually since she was about to ask Lena to come with her.
“Doing next?” She parroted, using a napkin to clean a nonexistent spot next to her mouth. When she did it like this, it was easy to believe she had once been rich as fuck. In the outskirt of her mannerisms, Kara could see the reminiscences of her wealth.
“Yeah, here, in Gotham City,” Kara explained, getting more comfortable in her chair, while throwing the napkin she had used to hold her hamburger on her plate, unceremoniously. “Do you have plans?” At that, Lena shrugged, and since she had her mouth full of hamburger bread, she pierced her lips and her widened eyes. “No idea?” Kara chuckled, watching Lena swallow hurriedly.
“No. Are you tired of me, already?” She asked, mocking, but Kara suspected, even if she got no visual clue of it, that the question was coming from a place of hurt.
“Do you have any reason to stay here? I mean, could you leave?”
A sharp brow, that was starting to become Kara’s favorite thing, arched up. “You know nothing is holding me here.” She said, simply. “Or anywhere, for a fact.” She added, as an afterthought.
“Come with me, then?” Kara asked, with no chill whatsoever, and that was the opposite of how Kara had been wanting to do it. “I mean, I’ve saved enough money to fill the tank and then some, and as I’m sure you know, my car fits more than one person.” Lame . Lena laughed anyway, she always did, when Kara tried to make her do so.
“Oh, do I know.” She played, before sobering. “Where are you going from here?”
“Well, it’s not like, precise science. You know I’ve been aiming for the east coast, and I think I can get there in a few more weeks. But when I get there, I don’t really care where I’ll go.” She bit her bottom lip, nervously.
She couldn’t exactly explain why she wanted Lena to agree so much. There was just... something about her. They had spent the last four days hanging out between Kara’s shifts at the bar down the street, and the more she talked to Lena, the more she wanted to get to know her.
She didn’t want to stay in Gotham City anymore, though. There wasn’t anything else for her here. It was time to keep going. In fact, she had hit her money goal two days ago and had spent the last two rationalizing her unwillingness to leave the city.
She hated Gotham City and she was so looking forward to getting to the coast. So, when she reverse-psyched herself into finding good reasons to stay in Gotham and could only come up with “ Lena is here .”, she finally realized she wasn’t ready to part ways with Lena just yet.
She still didn’t understand what it was about Lena, but she reckoned if she just invited Lena to come with her, she would have more time to figure it out.
Green suspicious eyes studied her for a while, and Kara held it bravely, trying her best to communicate to her rather skittish new friend that she meant no harm. “Why are you inviting me?” Came the expected question.
She took a sip of her coke, to give the question some extra thought - about wording, that is, Kara didn’t even think about lying to Lena. “It’s been nice these few last days. Having someone else to talk to. I feel like you understand me. Like, the reasons I live like this and why I want to keep doing it for a while.” Lena tore their eyes apart looking at the half-eaten lunch. “I’m done with Gotham City. I stayed here to raise money, and I did it, and I don’t really like big cities. So I feel like I just need to leave. But I didn’t want this to be it for us.” Lena’s eyes found her again, eyebrows raised in surprise for once. “And from what I gathered, you’re not working with a tight schedule either. So...” She shrugged as if it wasn’t as important as it felt, the moment. “Why don’t get a ride with me? You can hop off wherever you feel like. No strings attached .” She smiled, lop-sided, but shyly.
“No strings attached, huh?” Lena asked, smiling thoughtfully and Kara caught the moment her teeth went to catch her bottom lip but gave up midway. “Alright, I’ll go with you.”
December 2014
The steering wheel felt lumpy under her hands, the sensation ingrained on her knuckles, where tiny calluses could already be found from the amount of time she spent holding it. But Lena was not paying attention to the feeling on her hands. Instead, her eyes were fixed ahead, as far as her eyes could see with the minimal lighting the road ahead provided. The fact that she couldn’t see much was an annoyance of its own because, at the moment, she could really use the distraction.
Ironically, she could use the distraction from the fact that she’s driving at night at all. Something she tried to avoid as much as possible.
A slow, but heavy breathing could be heard from the seat next to her. It’d been increasing in loudness for several minutes now. And Lena was enjoying the silence that was brought by its presence before the moment she knew -
A louder snore, a rumble, a sniff. Silence.
Lena’s knuckles went white on the steering wheel.
“You aren’t still mad at me, are you?” Came the question after a few additional seconds of silence.
Lena found herself resisting the urge to close her eyes for several long seconds, reminding herself that she was driving. “You told me you had brought the car to a mechanic two weeks ago.” Regretfully, her accusing tone was louder than necessary for Kara to hear from the seat right beside hers.
“No, I told you I had fixed the problem. As in I fixed the problem. Not as in someone else.” Kara defended herself, weakly. But then again, the car had already broken, they had already wasted hours and a large amount of their money fixing it, a larger amount than if Kara had taken the car to a mechanic at the right time. So she probably knew she had made a mistake. No need to make a whole essay about it.
“You’re not a mechanic, Kara.” Lena sighed, tiredly. She knew this discussion was pointless and she didn’t want to keep having it. But that’s how she was wired. If she got pissed, she needed a few hours of space to get over her grumpiness. The problem was that when you practically lived with someone in a car, there aren’t many places where they could go for you to unload your frustrations.
“Do you want me to drive for a bit?” Came Kara’s low answer. “I know you don’t like driving at night.”
Lena loosened her grip on the steering wheel. It wasn’t Kara’s fault. Well,... It was, but it was an honest mistake. They were low on money. Always. So choosing to save it for emergencies was always the right choice. They simply needed to look better into what kinds of things they could save money from. Car problems were not one of them. Car problems should always be handled by paid, specialized workers. “No, I’ve been driving for barely an hour. I can go a couple more. Just rest. You can take it again later.” She managed a tight-lipped smile Kara’s way.
Kara breathed forcefully and clapped her hands once. “Let’s think about the bright side. Tomorrow morning we’ll be by the coast. And it’s the middle of the winter. We’ll have lots of opportunities to sleep on a bed in the next weeks.”
That did make her feel better. It had been a few weeks, after all.
Kara noticed the change in her demeanor at the reminder. “Waking up with the sun, putting on bikinis under a few more layers of clothes. Pretending we’re a prissy couple from the other side of the country who’s renting the cabin just ‘a few blocks away'.” And Lena didn’t need to look at Kara to know she was making air quotes with her finger.
“Whose address we never manage to memorize, doesn’t matter how long we stay,” Lena added, a smile growing on her lips.
Kara chuckled along. “Or recall the name of the rental company.”
If anyone had told her a few months ago that in less than a year she would be traveling the country by car, living by odd jobs, breaking into uninhibited houses with a dirt poor slash college drop-out slash jack-of-all-trades woman she’d meet on a stormy night at a bar, she’d have answered ‘Amen’, because honestly, a car sounded better than no-car, odd jobs, better than living off her family’s dirt money and a woman, a friend sounded better than no one at all.
But Lena would also have worried about that person’s mental health because there was no way she would have believed herself so lucky, or, truth be told, worthy of such luck.
But that’s how it went. And at the moment she had decided to ditch the dude and follow Kara out of that filthy bar, her luck had changed.
Of course, she hadn’t been expecting to be led to a bitten-up Passat variant , old enough to have one of those long front seats instead of two separate ones. Old enough that Lena to this day couldn’t say if its original color was gray or dark green. She had been expecting a house, or probably a badly lit apartment, most certainly with a bed and a shower, maybe even a table.
It was, Lena wouldn’t take long to find out, a worthy trade. They had spent the whole night squeezed in the car, talking and getting to know each other. Exchanging the tragic stories of their lives. Lena would admit that losing her whole family, a functional one, one that had given Kara love and had taught her how to love herself was much worse than simply being born into an awful one, a family of over-bearing, despicable people, a family of criminals, but Kara wouldn’t let her compare their loss, wouldn’t let her underrate her pain.
They were much alike. Kara and her. Two broken, lost souls and up from that first night, Lena felt, probably for the first time in her entire life, seen and understood. So it wasn’t that much of a surprise when they kept hanging out for the next few days. Until Kara saved enough money for gas and decided to leave the city, inviting Lena along with her.
They’ve been together since. Well, not together, together.
“I hope we find a place with a good shower,” Lena said, glancing in Kara’s way and catching her eyes rolling.
“You know this kind of house never has those. Why would you need a potent shower if you’re only there in the summer? I’ll settle for a pool, though.”
Lena chuckled. “Settle? Are my prissy habits rubbing on you, Kara Zor-El?”
“Wait, were you ever rich? I didn’t know. You never talk about it, Lena Luthor.” Her playful tone was drenched with irony.
“Wasn’t it the reason you picked me up on that bar?” Lena asked, all the frustration from the minutes ago gone from her mind. “Didn’t you recognize me from the live Luthor Trials on television or all the times my face appeared on magazine articles?”
It hadn’t been long enough for it to be a harmless joke. Not with anyone besides Kara. But Kara knew her truth, her story, and her pain. Kara didn’t pity her, nor did she judge her. Kara simply listened to her and accepted her and gave her the chance to make an impression of her own, clear of the Luthor name. And that made it easier. That made these jokes possible.
“Honestly, you didn’t look at all like the heiress of an empire built on embezzlement and fraud. If I hadn’t seen your ID the day after that I’d never have believed you were once a billionaire.” She chuckled at Lena’s mocking offense. “Hot? Yes, definitely. But rich? With that skin? Not in a million years.”
“Ok, now you’re just being an ass.” She said, in a husky voice. “Aren’t you supposed to be making up to me?”
“I offered to drive, there’s nothing else I can do for you,” Kara said, and Lena could hear both her mocking shrug and the teasing smile on her tone.
I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Lena immediately purged the thought out of her mind.
They weren’t together like that, yes, but that didn’t mean Lena was blind to the fact that Kara was beautiful. And hot in a very laid-back way, like when you’re toned just because you do stuff and not because you go to the gym or train weekly? Nor did it mean that she wasn’t aware of the fact that Kara was kind and caring and most importantly, that Kara did occasionally flirt with her, too.
But, Lena reckoned, in a very platonic way... Probably.
Not that it mattered, though. Lena didn’t do relationships anymore.
Not because she had had a bad one that left her unwilling to try it again, no, but rather because she had never had one that made her feel the way she was supposed to. Or at least, the way she thought she was supposed to feel. Eventually, she concluded she was unable to connect to people romantically. She had never felt loved so she hadn’t learned how to love someone else. She was broken. And so she simply gave up the whole concept of love.
And she wasn’t about to risk this thing, this good thing she had found with Kara for a hookup. No matter how much she wanted. No matter how many times she thought that Kara may want it too.
.
“Did you always want to be a journalist?” Lena asked her, from her side, as Kara felt the still-hot hood of the car, in search of their shared fries.
“Nah, when I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut.” She answered, a smile on her face. “I fell in love with writing late in life. I think it was my freshman year of high school. I needed some extra credits, cause my grades had gotten trash after the accident.” Her first years at the orphanage had been hard ones. “My English teacher had read one of my assignments and thought I’d be a good fit for the school’s newspaper, even though no one read the thing.” She chuckled. “After I joined it, no one read it either way, but I had a good time there. So I decided it was a good choice of career.”
“You don’t think that anymore?” She asked again, turning her head to face Kara.
“I think it is, yeah. I want to go back to school someday after this is all over. Maybe not the same school at National City. Maybe I’ll transfer somewhere, maybe I’ll look for online courses. Journalism has been changing so drastically these last few years, with social media and all.” She paused, taking a bite of her cold hot dog.
Their day had been a mess. They had had an unforeseeable money-related problem - meaning, that Kara had misplaced the money in her backpack’s hidden pocket instead of in her money belt - and had left their last city later than usual. That meant that they had spent the better part of the day driving trying to get to their next spot as soon as possible.
And that was the reason they were eating cold take-out food on the hood of the car at half-past two in the morning in the middle of nowhere.
At least they had a great view. Kara couldn’t name it if she wanted, and she really didn’t, what mattered was that they were parked on an extension of the roadside that faced a cliff. They had spent a good few minutes admiring the lights of a city down the mountain and were now lying in the hood, eating junk food and watching the stars in the clear sky.
“But so have my expectations towards Journalism, so I still believe I can find a way to make a difference being a journalist. I just have to find my calling in the field. I know it’s out there. Just as I know my place is out there, too.” She finished, licking her greasy fingers and watching as Lena smiled at her.
“I think you’ll find it too. I can see you as a journalist. Maybe the kind that needs to travel a lot to find stories? Do they still have those?”
“I think they do. That would be so cool, right?” Kara looked at the stars. “How about you? D’you always wanted to be... whatever it was that you were doing in Metropolis?”
Lena rolled her eyes. “You know I’m a bio-engineer, I’ve told you a hundred times.” And Kara answered her by mocking a surprised expression “A bio what now?” “When I was younger, I wanted to be a scientist, like, the ones in the movies? Like, if you need someone to know everything scienc-y, from biology to computer programming you make up a capital S scientist character and they know how to do everything? I wanted to be one of those.” Kara laughed out loud. “Can you imagine my disappointment when I found out that it wasn’t nearly as possible as it seemed on TV?”
“That you needed to pick one of those and study for a hundred and forty-five years before getting half the knowledge of those characters?” Kara asked. “Your dreams were shattered.”
“Yeah, they were.” She agreed a fond smile on her face. “For a moment there I wanted to be a businesswoman, like my brother, but that one didn’t last long. It wasn’t hard to see how hard it was being on Lex’s health to handle everything in my father’s company.” She chuckled, sourly. “He was bald in a year and a half, for crying out loud. I went back to science, pretty fast, then.”
“No CEO comfy chair worthy of your shiny locks,” Kara added because she could say she knew how much time Lena spent taking care of her hair.
“Not even close.” Her eyes were comically wide and Kara laughed loudly one more time.
“Ok, ok,” She said, once their laughter had receded. “Now tell me today-years-old Lena's dream career. Like, like, something that you could think ‘It would be nice to do this for a living.’ but it’s so absurd that you don’t even want to be serious about it. Something like ‘In another life, I’d want to do this.”
“A book author,” Lena answered way faster than Kara expected.
“Really?” She wasn’t expecting that answer either.
“Yeah, thriller novels, or maybe historical fiction? Something like that.” She shrugged, a dreamy smile on her face. “I think it could be nice. I’d like to be one of those authors that are always publishing one book or another. But I don’t have the necessary creativity for that. And I’d probably be a heavy smoker if I wrote for a living. Like, a really heavy smoker.”
Kara chuckled. “What?”
“You know, the old stereotype of the moonlighter book author that’s fueled by coffee and cigarettes. I’d definitely be one of those.”
“It’s good that you’re a bio-engineer then. You drink enough coffee as it is.”
It was Lena’s time to smile. “And what would your impossible dream profession be?”
“I’ve had a bunch of those throughout my life. A forest guard, a firefighter, but I think lately... lately I would only dream to be a voice actress.”
“A voice actress?” Lena asked, irony dripping from her tone.
“Yeah, for child’s animations? Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Disney movies. I wouldn’t even know how to get a job like that one, and even if I did, I don’t think I’d ever want to try it. But it must be nice.”
“I really wasn’t expecting that. Although, you do make a lot of random noises when you’re distracted enough doing something.” Lena said, leaning her head, thoughtfully.
“See, and I also think it must be a nice process, seeing a character for the first time and finding its voice based on their appearance, or their personality, or like, the exact opposite of what you would expect their voice to be.”
“You’ve given it a lot of thought,” Lena said, somehow impressed. “And I supposed the huge amount of singing involved in this career nothing to do with your interest in it.”
“Ooooh, yeah, the singing. Definitely a bonus.” She winked, playfully. “So, are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty much done,” Lena said, using her arms to get her off the hood.
“Good, 'cause you know what’s waiting for us right?” Lena’s only answer was the burrowing of her brows. “A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view...” She sang, stretching her arms and spinning herself, laughing.
“Oh my god.” Lena grumbled, taking the bag with their trash to a close-by trashcan.
New Year’s Eve 2015
Lena buried her feet on the sand, looking for the heat that might still be hidden there from the barely-warm, sunny day. Maybe being barefoot in the middle of the Winter on a beach wasn’t her brightest idea. But they had a small fire burning and they weren’t that far away from ‘their’ cabin so Lena was enjoying the chilly weather.
They could see several other small fires just like theirs on the beach, an assorted number of people around each, big families, couples, and groups of teenagers; giving Lena a sense of companionship, even if it was only the two of them around theirs.
Lena turned her head towards Kara, beside her, accepting the bottle of cheap sparkling wine they had been drinking since early evening. “Do you even like New Year’s Eve?” She asked Kara, kind of out of nowhere, before taking a sip straight from the bottle.
It was easy to forget that they’d only known each other for three months since they had been constantly together since, but there was a lot she didn’t know about the woman beside her. She studied Kara’s expression, as Kara studied the people around them. The flickering of the fire on her eyes, the tip of her tooth catching on her bottom lip, a tiny smile growing between them. “I like it well enough. But I guess I used to like it way more before. Back when each new year was actually different from the one before.” She chuckled, furrowing her eyebrows. “Until high school, maybe? Nowadays, it’s just another day.” Lena nodded. “I like the opportunity, though, of having a night to just search for a pretty spot and get ‘together’”, She added the finger quotes. “with a bunch of strangers and wait for the fireworks.”
“You seemed to love Christmas, last week,” Lena noted.
“Yeah, Christmas is different. Christmas used to be a whole thing in my house. You know, decorating the tree, cooking a huge dinner, making the socks, Christmas stories around the fireplace.” She smiled, fondly. “And, even though they’re-,” She stammered, sighing. “Even though it isn’t like that anymore, it’s good to think about how things used to be back then.” She finished with a gentle smile on her face. “And you? I already know you hate Christmas, but how about New Year’s Eve?”
Lena threw her a sideways glance and took a long sip of the bubbly wine as an answer and Kara cracked up, before reaching for the bottle and taking a long sip, too. “You gotta admit this is one of the good ones, though?” She asked, a lopsided smile on her face.
Lena watched Kara lick the remnants of their beverage out of her mouth before turning ahead to watch the beach. The water was calm today since there wasn’t much wind to disturb it, making it look like a black mirror, only the occasional small wave now and then. She thought back to the traditional Luthor holiday events. Of rooms full of strangers, talking business. The small stolen moments with her brother before their parents fished him back to meet yet another old white man, because one day, all of that would be his. Never hers, though. She remembered being guided to the other daughters attending the event and being encouraged to stay with them, talking about boys, and boarding school and dresses. Of being asked to smile for family pictures. Of expensive gifts and cold, uncomfortable hugs at the end of the night.
Then she thought back to the days before. Of waking up next to Kara on Christmas morning, even though the cabin had other rooms. Of baking cookies after breakfast, while wearing dumb reindeer beanies, and using the leftovers from the night before to make turkey sandwiches for the both of them as lunch. Of spending the afternoon listening to Kara singing Christmas songs on repeat until the moment she knew the lyrics herself and sang along. Then, watching yet another Christmas classic snuggled on the couch “because of the cold”.
She also thought about earlier that day, spending the day on the beach, literally waiting for an acceptable hour to start drinking the several champagne bottles Kara had bought the day before at the local store, gathering firewood for their fire. Watching other people doing the same.
“Yeah, this is one of the good ones.” She smiled but avoided looking at Kara again, afraid that seeing Kara’s eyes searching hers would be too much, somehow.
She felt Kara bumping her shoulder. “Yeah, I think so, too.”
.
Lena could practically feel the energy changing into something more excited as the clock neared midnight. The wandering couples went back to their families, children were kept closer to their parents, the songs playing on speakers became more and more nostalgic by the minute, the occasional firework being released by loud teenagers.
“So, do you have any new year’s resolutions?” It was Kara’s turn to interrupt the, even though comfortable, prominent silence between them. They weren’t usually this quiet around each other. Lena reckoned that was because of the occasion. She was certainly feeling more reminiscent tonight.
She chuckled, almost sourly before answering. “I don’t know.” She leaned her head towards Kara in a lazy way of looking at her, without moving too much. She could feel the champagne was starting to make her feel dizzy. “I have literally no idea what I’m doing with my life.”
Kara made an exasperated face at that. “What do you mean you have no- We’re traveling! Sightseeing. Getting to know our homeland. Experimenting with our lives.”
Lena knew this was a joke more than anything else, but maybe it reflected a bit of defensive behavior, so she clarified. “Seriously, though, when I left Metropolis, I felt as if it was my only option. There was no way I could stay there. I mean, everyone I’d known there was aware of the fact that literally my entire nuclear family was in prison. There’s no coming back from that.” She paused, and took a sip, wishing they had anything strong if she was going to talk about that. Kara watched her, silently. She knew the basics of Lena’s story, but Lena knew there was more she wanted to know. “It was only when I got to the bus station that I realized I had nowhere to go. So I picked a random place, the farthest away I could get in the next half an hour, just so I wouldn’t give up. And I’d been doing that ever since...” She looked Kara’s way, she had her lips pierced as if trying her best not to interrupt. “Until I found you in Gotham City, of course. Since then, it hasn’t been so bad, I guess.” She shook her head and hands, smirking at Kara’s narrowing eyes. “But I don’t think I want to do this forever. Do you?”
“Hell, no!” Kara said, understandably fast and Lena chuckled.
“I just can’t see where I’m going from here. So it’s kinda hard to make resolutions from my perspective right now.”
“Well, maybe that could be your resolution, then. In 2015, I want to know what the fuck I want to do with my life.”
“Isn’t that a bit too broad of a resolution?” Lena asked, skeptical.
Kara shrugged. “To each, their own, I guess.”
Lena nodded. “Ok, so in 2015, I want to know what the fuck I want to do with my life.” She chuckled. “And what are yours?”
“You’re gonna give me so much shit.” She laughed, leaning her head back and scratching her eyes behind the glasses.
“Am I?” Lena asked, trying her best at an innocent expression. “I probably am, though.”
Kara sighed, visibly bracing herself. “I want to find somewhere where I belong. A place where I don’t feel the need to leave soon after I get there. Where I can get a job I enjoy, rent a place I can pay with that job.”
“Wait, wait, wait. You mean you don’t want to live the rest of your life in a car?” Lena was indeed giving her shit. “I am beyond shocked.”
“No, I don’t,” Kara answered unironically. “I’ve been doing this for years now. And, everywhere I went, I felt like something was missing. But I know, I know there’s somewhere out there for me.”
And Lena would really blame all the consumption of cheap alcohol for that, but, “Maybe it’s not a place you’re looking for, at all.”
Kara’s head turned to hers a little too fast at that. Staring deeply into Lena’s eyes for what felt like hours, but were in fact just a few seconds. “I really think it is. Cause I’m not looking for anything else, anymore.”
And before Lena could even start to unpack the meaning of that,...
“TEN, NINE, EIGHT,” and then Kara was standing up and helping Lena out of the sand, so they could join the others. “SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.”
“You know what comes next, right?” Kara asked, lowly but still above the sound of the fireworks around them, before leaning in and dropping a fast yet, excruciatingly gentle peck of a kiss on Lena’s lips. Her only reaction was to blink and raise a questioning eyebrow to a blushing Kara, who shrugged nonchalantly and murmured. “It’s tradition.” Before rummaging their bags for another bottle of sparkling wine to pop. Leaving Lena watching the other families on the beach with the tingling sensation of Kara’s lips on hers.
.
“Are you for real?” Kara asked, loudly so that Lena could hear her annoyance at the other side of the pool table. The bar was full and consequently loud for a Wednesday night, but then again, it was January, 2nd, and people were allowed to be out at a bar on the second day of the year.
What people weren’t allowed to do was telling their friends they had only played pool a handful of times in their lives and then proceed to sink three balls in a roll in their second turn.
“Maybe it’s beginner’s luck?” Lena asked, shrugging, but the grin on her face was telling a totally different story.
“Yeah, right.” She answered. The way things were with Lena, she had probably won a random pool championship somewhere in the country with her brother, like the chess thing. A freaking chess champion! What the hell?
Kara watched, hands on her hips, as Lena tried and failed to get herself out of a tough position. She shrugged as the white ball hit one of hers, but failed to sink the ball and Kara wasn’t above making a spiteful little dance, before taking a sip of her beer and studying the table.
She did sometimes ask herself how she had ended up there - playing pool with a chess champion, bio-engineer, heiress to the fallen empire of a multimillionaire corporation. How she had ended up traveling around the country on her old wreck of a car with a woman who had once owned her own private jet.
She asked herself that sometimes because Lena-, Lena was kind of amazing. Kara had felt it that first time they spent the night talking in her car, rain pouring outside, and she had only confirmed that feeling ever since. Lena was smart and fun to have around. She was resourceful and adaptable. She had a smart sense of humor and the lenses through which she saw the world clashed hard enough with Kara’s that they ended up balancing each other.
They were good together, and Kara had come to think that there was no one else she’d rather travel with than Lena. That’s why she had kissed her on New Year’s. That’s what they say, right, the person you kiss at midnight is the person you want to keep in your life in the upcoming year.
There was no other reason, whatsoever.
“Hey, are you gonna stare the balls into the hole?” Lena asked, sipping her beer and bringing Kara out of her mind.
“This is a strategic game, don’t hurry me.” She said, smiling, but took her shot either way and sank one of her balls easily.
“You complain a lot, but you’re not giving me an easy win either,” Lena said. “Where d’you learn how to play pool?”
“There was a pool bar near my college. Let’s just say the last couple months before I dropped out I spent a lot of time there.” She answered, non-nonchalantly, sinking yet another, but taking one of Lena’s with hers. “oooh, nooooo.”
“Thanks,” Lena said, an annoying smile on her lips.
A pretty smile on her lips.
Of course, Kara thought Lena was pretty. How could she not? That was one of those facts no one could argue. Lena was pretty. She was gorgeous, actually. And the more Kara got to know her, the more she knew that it wasn’t just a superficial thing. That had already been established. Lena was smart, fun, and pretty and Kara had kissed her two days ago.
But Lena hadn’t said anything about the kiss after, so she had probably seen it as a New Year’s Eve thing, and wasn’t interested in anything else, right? And it was good because that’s what it had been. Nothing else, nothing more.
Just a kiss.
On her traveling companion’s pretty lips. At midnight, January, 1st.
A statement: I wanna go with you.
An invitation: Will you come with me?
“You’re welcome.” She said, belatedly, watching as Lena cleaned the table from all of her balls but the eight. She couldn’t find it in her to care that much about it tonight. More so, when she saw how excited Lena got to the idea of beating Kara. Yes, it was annoying that Lena had allegedly played just a few times before and was beating her already. But, eh.
She didn’t get the eight and it was Kara’s turn, but before she got to tell Lena something, a couple approached their table.
The woman had short dark hair and went straight to Lena, who didn’t seem surprised at all at the development, a smirk already resting lazily on her lips. “So, my friend here and I have spent the whole night trying to guess if you guys are a couple.” She said, but it was meant for Lena. The tall, dark-blond dude next to her simply waved at Kara, shyly.
“So that’s why you were looking.” Kara heard Lena answer, a sultry tone to her voice, a tiny hint of sarcasm. Kara had definitely heard Lena speaking like that before.
“So, are you?” She asked again, turning to Kara for the first time.
Kara saw Lena taking a sip of her beer through the corner of her eyes, clearly letting Kara answer the question, instead of herself.
She held the urge to roll her eyes. Lena had this habit sometimes, of letting Kara handle uncomfortable situations just for the kicks, it annoyed her and exhilarated her at the same time. How she always had to be on the tip of her feet when she was near Lena.
“No, we aren’t.” She said, simply, because it was a simple fact. She might have forgotten to sound friendly as she answered, though. She searched Lena’s eyes and found them quickly, an unfamiliar look in them. Kara didn’t know what it meant.
“So, do you maybe wanna pair up for the next match?” The woman was still there, of course. Lena turned to her, smiled kindly, flirted shamelessly, but told her they were leaving after that one.
They weren’t before, but they were now, apparently.
.
“Didn’t you like her?” Kara asked after Lena had sunk the last ball.
Lena took some time to answer her, fighting to put on her jacket as they left the bar. “I did, a little, but I was not in the mood, today.”
They were in the car. It was lousy weather to be outside today. They had only managed because Kara had been told about the pool table by a coworker and it had been a while since she had played.
“Do you think the fact we live together is a problem when it comes to going out with other people?” Kara asked after she was behind the wheel.
Lena looked at her before answering, and Kara diverged her eyes by putting on the seat belt. “Is it a problem for you?” She narrowed her eyes, gone was her ever-present teasing tone.
“No, I was just wondering. I’ve never seen you with anyone after we started traveling.” Kara thought she was doing a good job at hiding the fact her heart was beating fast in her chest. There was something about this topic that made her feel nervous.
“I’m not a very-” She paused. “I’m not looking for a relationship, right now. And I don’t really see the point of hooking up with someone I met at a bar, so.” She trailed off. Kara nodded, maneuvering the car out of the parking lot. “I do think most people might read us as a couple, though. That was one of the brave ones. She asked rather than assume. But either way, I’ve never seen you with anyone, either.” She pointed. “So I ask again, is it a problem for you?”
“I haven’t found anyone that I was interested in yet.” She said shrugging.
“We can regroup when you find someone.” She said, and it almost sounded nonchalant. “I can sleep in the car for one night.”
Ever the over-dramatic.
Kara rolled her eyes, and laughed loudly. “We usually do have a couch, you know. Most of the time, we even have two bedrooms.”
“I wouldn’t want to eavesdrop.” They were playing again. It was easier that way.
“I can be quiet.” She turned to Lena and blinked playfully.
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Ugh. Shut up.”
Lena wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Kara ignored the uncomfortable feeling that knowledge brought to her chest.
February 2015
They never spoke about the kiss again. Lena wondered if she should bring it up sometimes and thought about the kiss more than, but as time went by and Kara didn’t say anything about it, she reckoned it had simply been because of the tradition. Also, Lena didn’t know if she even wanted to talk about it, and if so, it would only be to make it clear that it was not something that she wanted to keep happening. She didn’t do relationships, after all.
As February came, Lena was ready to start looking for a place to rent. She had been working at the local mechanic’s repair shop for what could honestly be called a figurative salary, but it was worth it because she was learning a lot from him, and thinking about maybe not needing to spend so much of their money fixing the car if she knew how to do it herself. Kara had found a job as a bagger at the local market and she was also helping out one of the farmers at the farmer’s market twice a week. She’d prefer to work as a bartender, but the city was small and the few bars in town didn’t need the extra help during the low season.
The point was that Lena was finally starting to feel grounded and she felt that, since both of them had jobs that they could count on, the next step would be to decrease their chances of going to prison for trespassing.
Those were just thoughts in her head, however, which she had yet to share with Kara. And she was planning on doing so one night, by mid-February, after Kara got “ home ” from her shift.
“Hey.” Kara’s voice found her on the kitchen counter, drawing diagrams of a car engine because she was Lena Luthor, and she didn’t do shit by half.
“Hey, in here.” She answered back, turning her neck to find Kara already behind her, picking on her notebook. “Jesus fuck.” She sighed, startled by Kara's proximity. “I swear to god, sometimes it seems you float instead of walking. Do I need to put a bell on you?”
Kara hummed, putting a few bags on the counter. “You are such a nerd.” She answered instead, referring to the notes on Lena’s notebook. “How’s your day at the repair shop?”
“If I’m gonna be paid less than the minimum wage to work for someone, I might as well learn everything I can from them. And it was good, for a change. Brian had to work on an engine today, so I got to see him working on it. I’m drawing what I can remember.”
“What are those little trumpets doing there?” Kara asked.
“Those are the valves, they allow the entrance of air and fuel and the exit of the exhaust at the right time.” She answered resting her drawing pencil on her lips and searching Kara’s eyes with a little smirk on her face.
“You are such a nerd.”
“Tell me that again when the car breaks in the middle of nowhere and I know how to fix it.” She said, eyeing the bags Kara had brought home. Apparently, they would be eating frozen pizza for dinner.
Kara’s answer was an absent-minded chuckle followed by a deep silence that got Lena to take her eyes off her notebook and catch Kara shifting her weight on her feet. “Speaking of which, I was thinking maybe it’s... time to go?” She asked, her voice turning higher at the end of the sentence.
“Where to? I thought you’re gonna make us that pizza.”
“Yeah, no.” Kara avoided her eyes. “I meant, like go. ” She moved her hand indicating a plane taking off. “Like, leave. Move on, move forward. Keep swimming .”
“Oh...,” Lena blinked a few times, using her hand to silently ask Kara to stop with the synonyms. “Why?”
Kara hummed, fixing her glasses. “Why not?”
Lena chuckled, humorlessly at that. “Uh, because we have jobs here, mediocre, yes, but I’m,- I’m learning how to fix cars, and you’re learning... about vegetables.” She pointed to a basket of fruits they had at the corner of the counter. Kara rolled her eyes at that. “Sure.” “And like, I thought you liked the city?”
“I mean, it’s not that I don’t like it... but we’ve been here for more than three months already. I think it’s time to move on.”
“Move on from what?” At Kara’s confused expression, Lena sighed, feeling impatience washing over her body. “I don’t understand what you think we have to move on from. We’ve accomplished nothing here.” Lena tried hard and succeeded on not raising her voice at that.
“Didn’t you just say you were learning how to fix cars? That’s something you’ve accomplished-”
“Learn ing as in an ongoing process.” Lena interrupted.
“And anyway, why do you think we always need to be accomplishing things, Lena? Life is not a résumé you always need to be improving.” Her tone wasn’t aggressive, but it was a few notches over calm. “Sometimes, I want to just exist in a city for a while, just to know how it feels like, and then keep going, I don’t always need to be taking something out of everything.”
“My only problem with that is the “ sometimes ” part, Kara. You don’t have a plan, you never have a plan. You’re always just existing.” She paused, taking a breath, centering herself, and sighing heavily. “I really like fixing cars.” She added, her voice losing steam and gaining a whiny tone.
Kara's expression softened after that. “There’ll be other repair shops. Every city has at least one.”
“Can you give me just one good reason for us not to stay here for a while longer?” She asked, searching Kara’s eyes deeply.
At that, a tiny, sad smile showed on Kara’s lips. “It’s not here, Lena.”
Lena’s body sagged, accepting their destiny because she knew what Kara meant even if she didn’t know what Kara meant. “Where to, then?” She asked abandoning her notebook for the night.
Maybe, Lena thought as Kara came to hug her, Kara’s smile was worth this certainty-free life of theirs. “So, I’m thinking maybe...”
.
“I think that one is our best option, for sure. There are no immediate neighbors around and there’s no renting sign at the front. So there probably won’t be anyone noticing any activity.” Kara told Lena, without taking her eyes off the cabin.
They had spent the last day studying the assortment of uninhabited houses on the outskirts of a small beach town and were now parked a few houses away from the one they planned to break into.
“Ok, let’s do it then. It’s freezing cold in this car.” Lena sounded tired. She probably was, since she had also gone job-hunting that afternoon.
“Do you wanna do it?” Kara asked, feeling the exhilaration that usually found her body every time she was about to break into a house.
“Nah, you’re the pro. I’d only hold us back.” Lena said, grabbing her backpack from the backseat and closing the door loudly. Kara winced. There was no other way to close it, the car was old, but the sound reverberated loudly on the empty street.
She looked around, looking for nosy neighbors, and so did Lena. When no lights turned on, they went to the house.
Kara fumbled through her pockets looking for her old lock picking kit while looking for anything they might have overlooked - a camera somewhere, the blinking light of an alarm system. She found none. They had been careful.
It took less than two minutes for the door to open smoothly, Kara was good like that. And also proud. She turned to Lena, a lop-sided smile on her face. Lena nodded, smiling, and took their things inside.
The house had little furniture. Mostly old things that had seen better days. A brown couch, a dark green armchair, a coffee table, and no TV.
Lena left their bags on the couch. “I’m gonna check if the lights work.” She grabbed the lantern and disappeared into the kitchen. Seconds later, Kara heard the switch and what sounded like a very old fridge turning on.
“Yay.” She said, lowly still. It was always a bitch when they found a place without electricity. That didn’t seem to be the case.
“The water is also running,” Lena said, coming back. She looked happy, carefree. She always did after they found a place to stay. Kara always took longer to relax. The first few days were always a bit tense. If they got to the three-days mark without anyone showing up, they’d probably be fine. Until then, Kara kept ready to bounce.
But there was no need for both of them to worry. “Let’s see if we get two bedrooms.” She said, turning to the door opposite the kitchen.
The house wasn’t big. Those were more likely to be well-guarded. Besides, the kitchen and the bathroom, there were two other rooms. One of the bedroom had a double bed and a termite-filled wardrobe, the other had a single bed and a desk. The kitchen was big, the fridge was old, but the stove looked almost new. Kara sighed, satisfied. This looked like it could be good for a while.
They probably wouldn’t be staying long, though. Lena still hadn’t found a car shop that needed help. She was usually happier when she got to work with cars, instead of in restaurants, Kara had noticed. And Kara was usually happier when Lena was happy. So...
But they needed the rest. They had spent too much time in the car in the last few days. So it would do.
.
Kara was sitting at the table, watching as Lena cooked them some dinner.
“This smells good.”
Lena turned around, eyebrow raised, as usual. “As if you’d find any food bad ever.”
“Excuse me, are you criticizing my palate?” She wasn’t offended, of course. She knew Lena was right. Kara would eat dirt if it was seasoned enough. “What is it you’re cooking?”
“It’s just some pasta. The smell is coming from the onions. I’m making the sauce myself, with the tomatoes you got from that old man.” She almost grumbled the last words.
“You really didn’t like Mr. Lewis,” Kara said, rather pointlessly.
“He’s rude. And he likes you too much.” She sounded kind of pissed and Kara laughed.
“He likes me too much?” She asked, incredulous. “Why’s that a problem?”
“Cause he’s old, and he has a wife. Yet, he was all teeth and ‘here, take these tomatoes with you' when you were asking for a job.” Lena did, in fact, make a hilarious impression on Kara’s new employer.
Kara belly-laughed. “You’re jealous of an old man.” She shook her head. “Besides, he doesn’t like me like that, he’s just being friendly. It’s a small town, Lena. He’s a small-town person. Friendly.”
“Why would I be jealous of Mr. Lewis?” Lena said, stirring the sauce and rolling her eyes at Kara. “In fact, why would I be jealous, at all? It’s just disgusting, it’s what it is.” A paused. “Plus, I’m worried your new boss is gonna turn out to be a freak, there you have it.”
“He’s just a friendly guy, don’t worry about it.” Kara dismissed. Lena always reserved her harshest opinions for men. Kara didn’t blame her. But she was definitely a more open-minded person when it came to them. “Plus, if he keeps being weird, I’ll let you know and you can kick his ass.”
Lena laughed. “I’m ok with that plan. D’you know I had three years of self-defense classes at college?”
Kara raised her brows. “No, I didn’t know that. But why am I not surprised?” She gasped suddenly and laughed a little when she saw Lena startle at the sound. “I know what we’re doing after dinner.” She singsonged. “Why didn’t you tell me that before? I could have been learning to fight all these months.”
“Kara, I don’t know if I can teach you self-defense. I have never taught anyone anything in my life.” She said, bringing the pasta to the table. Kara stood up to get them plates and cutlery. “I’m not the teacher kind.”
“Nonsense. My father always said there’s no better way to learn than teaching.” She made her plate and extended her hand to get Lena’s plate, as well. “Will you at least try? Imagine how much less you’d have to worry about me if I knew how to defend myself.”
“No better way to learn than teaching?” Lena asked, instead of answering.
Kara waved her hand. “I never got it either, but anyways, will you please teach me how to defend myself against Mr. Lewis?” She pouted.
Lena giggled, her mouth full of her first forkful of spaghetti, and Kara thought she looked pretty like that. “When you say it like that. But let’s not do it right after we eat.”
“Ok, we can watch an episode of something on my laptop to give our digestive systems some time to work.”
Lena chuckled. “Palate, digestive system? Are you feeling fancy today?”
“My long-forgotten love for the biology classes at school is being unearthed by the number of nature docs you make me watch.” She admitted.
“Maybe we can watch an episode of the one about the farm animals vet, today.” Lena joked.
“Ugh, noo.” She dropped her hand on the table. “Don’t make me think about an arm being shoved up a cow's ass while I’m eating, Lena. Goddamnit.”
Lena cackled, shaking her head. “You’re such a baby.”
Kara showed her tongue. “This tastes really good, by the way.”
Lena hummed. “It’s because it was made with love.” That wasn’t much of a Lena thing to say. Kara looked at her with a questioning look, Lena seemed to be waiting for it. “Mr. Lewis’s love.” She added, clearly holding a smile.
Kara cackled. “You’re silly. Now, teach me how to kill the old man.”