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Considering how sluggish everyone had been when they made it to the hotel, Sunghoon had expected to pass out the moment his head hit the pillow. Throughout the process of readying for bed, all he’d had been able to think about was sleep, his eyes struggling to stay open, movements sluggish and haphazard. He and Sunoo had talked a little, but it was about nothing at all, too travel weary to articulate proper thoughts even with each other.
So why, when they’re safely tucked into their respective beds in total darkness, is Sunghoon unable to sleep?
“Sunoo,” he whispers. After a moment of silence, he tries a little louder. “Ddeonu-yah, are you asleep?”
There’s a rustle of fabric from Sunoo’s side of the room. “Trying not to be,” Sunoo says, tired and exasperated.
“I can’t sleep yet,” Sunghoon says with a grin. He knows he’s being annoying, but there’s something about teasing Sunoo that’s impossible to resist. Getting a rise out of him is one of life’s small but perfect moments of happiness.
Sunoo sighs. “So you want me to suffer with you?”
“I need your help.” Sunghoon scoots to the edge of the bed so he can whine more effectively. “Talk to me?”
More rustling. When Sunoo speaks again, it sounds a little closer, like he’s scooted over as well. “We tried that earlier, remember? There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Tell me a story, then.” His hunger for more information about Sunoo’s life—whether real or fictionalized—used to embarrass him, but Sunoo has never seemed to mind. Not just because he’s asking, anyway. Sunoo might mind now, while he’s exhausted and jet-lagged, but the annoyance stems from the timing, not the question.
Sunoo hums. “From school?”
It’s a little embarrassing now. Sunghoon feels a little too close to a child asking for a bedtime story. It’s not an inaccurate comparison, but it rankles. He takes a fortifying breath.
“Please.”
“Since you asked nicely,” Sunoo says, his trademark hint of aegyo having replaced the annoyance from earlier. “I’m running out, though. What will you do when I have no more stories left to tell?”
“Ask you still,” Sunghoon says after a moment to think. “You’ll have to make them up.”
“Fine, fine.” Sunoo’s laughter is muffled by the blanket. He hums to himself for a bit, lost in thought. Sunghoon draws the covers up to his chin and closes his eyes.
“Have I told you the story of my first kiss?”
Sunghoon shakes his head, then remembers they’re in the dark. “No.”
He shouldn’t be surprised that Sunoo has kissed people before, but the knowledge of how different other people’s experiences at school were from his own is sometimes startling. When he wasn’t missing school for figure skating, he was missing it for idol training, and though he made it through to graduation, Sunghoon still isn’t quite sure how. He’s certain no one wanted to kiss him in school. They might have thought they wanted to from a distance, but when he opened his mouth, they would have realized they were wrong.
“I was at a sleepover,” Sunoo starts.
“With girls?” Sunghoon can’t help the way his voice rises over a whisper. It’s typical for him to interrupt Sunoo’s stories, but he usually isn’t this taken aback by what he hears. Sunghoon knows Sunoo is gay, and he knows that Sunoo’s friends—most of whom were girls during his time in school—knew he was gay for a majority of that time, but the idea of their parents knowing or being okay with him sleeping over hadn’t occurred to Sunghoon until now.
At least Sunoo never sounds mean when he laughs at Sunghoon like this. “Obviously. It wasn’t always allowed, but Heejinnie’s parents were happy to have me. Anyway, it was her birthday, so there were six friends there aside from me. We were all piled into the living room and her parents had already gone to sleep—”
“Wait, wait,” Sunghoon cuts in again, his brain finally having caught up to the other problem with this scenario. “If there were only girls there, who did you kiss?”
“One of the girls.”
“But you already knew you were gay! So did they!”
“Sunghoon-hyung.” Sunoo tries for stern and only somewhat succeeds. “Do you want the story or not?”
“I want it.” Curiosity burns in Sunghoon’s mind. He has to hear the end or he’ll never sleep. “Continue.”
“Thanks for your permission,” Sunoo replies with a snort. “As I was saying, we were up late talking. There’s this energy at sleepovers sometimes, when it’s really late and everyone’s meant to be sleeping—kind of like now.”
Sunghoon is glad for the explanation, having never been to a sleepover himself. The closest he’s come to anything similar was when he moved into the dorm, though he can guess at the feeling Sunoo is talking about; there’s something about lying awake with another person that makes it easier to talk about things you wouldn’t say in the light of day.
“We started talking about a lot of things. I mostly don’t remember them anymore, but eventually the topic got to dating: crushes, kissing, boys we liked, that sort of thing. Heejinnie admitted she’d never had her first kiss, and once she did, it was easier for the others that hadn’t either. That included me.”
The rush of gratitude inside him makes Sunghoon a little ashamed. He shouldn’t be happy Sunoo was in high school when he had his first kiss, but his relief at being less far behind than he could be is too much to suppress.
“So Daeunnie, brilliant as she is, cuts in and asks if we want to get it over with and have our first kisses that night. Everyone loses their minds. The giggling was so loud we kept trying to shush each other so we wouldn’t wake Heejinnie’s parents. Once we could breathe again, Daeunnie said if I was okay with it, my three friends who hadn’t kissed anyone yet should just kiss me.”
Sunghoon can’t help his gasp, but he doesn’t interrupt this time. The story is too good for him to stop Sunoo now.
“When I asked why it had to be me, Daeunnie said it was better that way. If they kissed me, they could say they’d kissed a boy and not even be lying. Plus, since I didn’t like girls, no one had to be nervous.”
Without realizing it, Sunghoon has curled into a tight ball under the blanket, like he’s trying to protect himself from the ridiculousness of the story. At this explanation, he can no longer hold back his commentary.
“And you said yes?”
“She had a point,” Sunoo says with a laugh. “I really thought it’d be better to kiss someone like this. I didn’t care about if the kiss was good, but I cared a lot about the person. Seems like the best scenario, so I said, ‘Sure, why not?’ and we set up so they could come over and kiss me. Then they did.”
This time, Sunoo’s sigh sounds somewhat nostalgic. “I’m glad it was with them. Heejinnie is a way better kiss to have as a memory than whatever guy I’d been talking to around then. Most of them hated themselves more than I could handle, especially when we were that young.”
Sunghoon waits, but Sunoo doesn’t say anything after that. He bites at the side of his thumb for a moment, wishing he was faster at coming up with the right words. Nothing good comes to mind.
“That’s all?”
“That’s all there is. What more do you want?”
“I dunno,” Sunghoon says through a scoff. He really doesn’t. It just feels like someone should have more to say about their first kiss than it happened, so he asks the first question he can think of. “Was it nice?”
“It was nice,” Sunoo says. He sounds sleepy now, like he might already be drifting off. “Good practice.”
Good practice, Sunghoon mouths into the blanket. What does that mean?
He listens as Sunoo’s breathing slowly evens out and tries to match his own to the rhythm, but he still isn’t tired, Sunoo’s words circling the drain in his mind over and over again. Do people kiss just for practice? Sunghoon knows people kiss just because they want to have sex or whatever—he’s not an idiot—but practice has never entered his mind as a possibility.
When Sunghoon’s brain finally quiets enough for him to drift off, he dreams of a never-ending dance practice, and Sunoo always half a step ahead of him.
The high of KCON:FLEX lasts Sunghoon a while, but it can’t wipe the slate clean indefinitely. Sunoo’s words are still stuck in his head worse than Future Perfect (Pass the Mic) has ever managed to be, which is an impressive feat.
What did Sunoo mean when he said his first kiss was good practice? Naver isn't really helpful when it comes to practicing kisses; there are a lot of useless internet tutorials on the practice and a lot of webcomics involving the concept, but there’s nothing concrete, no real human testimonials. Of course, it doesn’t really matter if Sunoo is strange. That just makes it harder for Sunghoon to ask around.
If people really do kiss their friends for practice sometimes, then Sunghoon has been a total idiot. He has friends now. If he wants to get his first kiss over with, surely he could ask one of them—unless it’s weird. Sunghoon doesn’t know enough to decide what’s weird anyway, since figuring out whether Sunoo’s experiences are unique has always been a difficult task.
Jake is examining what’s probably the tenth denim jacket he’s looked at in the past three hours when Sunghoon breaks. They’re using a few of their schedule-free hours to shop, since they’ll be going to music shows for the comeback and want to look nice even before their clothes are styled, but Sunghoon lost focus two stores ago.
“Jake,” Sunghoon says, pretending to look at a jacket and pressing their shoulders together so he won’t be overheard, “you’ve kissed people, right?”
It takes a few seconds for Jake to respond. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I had a couple girlfriends back home. Why?”
Of course Jake successfully dated multiple girls in high school. While he’s shy, Jake has never been as awkward as Sunghoon always feels, and he’s incredibly sweet. Handsome. Who wouldn’t want to date him?
“Right,” Sunghoon says like he already knew this. He might have known, actually. Jake would tell him just like it was the first time all over again even if he did. He’s nice like that. Shit. Sunghoon hopes he didn’t know. “Um, did you ever kiss your friends?”
This time, the pause between question and response is even longer. Sunghoon tries not to read into it. He can’t melt from embarrassment in this shop, what would Engenes do when they heard the news? Who would become Gaeul’s favorite if he suddenly died?
“Well,” Jake says, drawing it out in a slow and careful start. This is his cautious voice. Sunghoon doesn’t know what he’s done to put Jake this on edge, but he wants the answer too badly to laugh it off. “I consider everyone I’ve dated a friend, in a way. You shouldn’t date anyone you don’t also get along with as a friend. Or someone you can’t see yourself getting along with as a friend, if you don’t know them well until you date.”
What a terribly Jake answer. It’s not exactly helpful, but Sunghoon can’t be that annoyed. He knew who he was asking.
He’s ready to drop the topic when Jake pipes up again, somewhat strained. “Do you… Do you think you might, uh, have feelings like that for a friend?”
“No,” Sunghoon answers, so quickly he surprises himself. “No, of course not. I just heard something. A story. So I was wondering—Nevermind. That jacket would look good on you. Do you want to try it on? There’s a mirror on that side.” He points Jake toward the other end of the room.
Jake seems relieved to have something else to talk about, so Sunghoon knows he made the right choice in letting things drop. Still, he can’t help but worry. Did it seem like he was into a friend? Sunghoon was thinking about Sunoo, but not in the wrong way, or in a weird way. He was thinking about Sunoo because Sunoo is the one who told him he practiced kissing with his friends. It would be weird if he wasn’t thinking about Sunoo.
By the time Jake has decided he needs the jacket, Sunghoon is sure he’s been entirely normal about this entire situation. He’ll keep from asking any of the other guys about it, though. Just in case. He doesn’t want to make anyone else as uncomfortable as he made Jake.
Sunghoon likes being an MC. It’s a good opportunity to practice skills he often lets slide when he’s with members that can take over for him. Mubank is also exhausting, lonely, and consumes a painful amount of his energy, so Sunghoon is incredibly grateful when he finally gets home and can wash off his makeup for the day.
Sunoo is the only person using their shared bedroom when he returns post-shower. He must’ve washed up just before Sunghoon, because he’s got one of those fluffy bath robes he likes wrapped around him and a book at his side, bedside lamp shining into the bunk so he can see well enough to apply a face mask.
“You could’ve used the bathroom mirror,” Sunghoon says in confusion.
“Oh, I wanted to be out of the way by the time you got home. How was it?”
“Bleh.” Sunghoon laughs as soon as he’s answered. “Nah, it was fine. Just tired.”
Sunoo hums a considerate sound. “Want a mask?”
Usually, Sunghoon refuses. His skin does just fine with the regimen he’s used to. Looking between his bunk and Sunoo’s lower one, his calculus shifts in favor of saying yes. Climbing up to the top bunk right now would be exhausting.
“Sure,” Sunghoon answers, swinging himself down into Sunoo’s bunk. “Only if you do it, though.”
“Lazy,” Sunoo says through a laugh. Despite the jab, he moves his legs so Sunghoon can sit across from him, then gets up to grab another mask. With the pale mask on his face, his dark hair, and the mint green of his robe, he looks a bit like a mint chocolate ghost.
“Turn so your back is to the wall,” he instructs. “I need enough light to reach you.” Sunghoon was already turning before Sunoo finished talking, but it’s nice to have the explanation. Once he’s settled, Sunoo kneels in front of Sunghoon and opens the mask.
Cold fingertips tilt his chin up from below. With the mask on, Sunghoon can only see the fox-like shape of Sunoo’s eyes, which are crinkled at the corners in a smile as he studies Sunghoon.
“Stay still,” he says, lips moving as little as possible so not to disturb anything. Sunghoon nods.
The mask is surprisingly cool for one you don’t have to store in the fridge. Sunghoon flinches a little when it first touches his face. “Relax,” Sunoo reminds him. “If you move again, I won’t be held responsible for patchy coverage.”
Sunghoon closes his eyes and hopes that will help him zone out. He promised himself after his talk with Jake that he wouldn’t think about Sunoo’s practice kissing anymore, but it’s hard to avoid when he’s this close, hovering over Sunghoon’s face like this. It’s stupid. He’s wearing a ridiculously ugly mask. Sunghoon can barely tell it’s Sunoo under all that. But it is Sunoo, and with his eyes closed, he can imagine the way those girls felt: nervous for their first experience with something new, but sure they were in safe hands and there was no need to be afraid.
“All done,” Sunoo says, pulling Sunghoon from the depths of his thoughts. “Scoot over and wait seventeen minutes.”
“Why seventeen?” Sunghoon asks, half-laughing as he moves enough for Sunoo to get comfortable next to him. He dutifully fishes his phone from his sweatpants to set a timer.
“You shouldn’t go over twenty, so it’s best to stop a few minutes early. That way you have time to peel it all off without rushing.”
“Ahhh.” Sunghoon tucks his phone away and looks back at Sunoo. “Skincare wisdom.”
“Why do you think my skin is always glowing? It’s hard work.”
“Mm, that’s why I’m not doing it.” Sunghoon almost gives a lazy smile before remembering he’s not supposed to make too many big expressions. “I’ll take the benefits though.”
“I’m a generous person,” Sunoo teases. “Charity is good for the soul.”
Sunghoon laughs because he’s supposed to, bumps Sunoo’s shoulder with his because it’s what’s expected, but his thoughts are in a tailspin. How generous is Sunoo? Is he still the same person he was in high school?
Would he be willing to help a friend practice kissing one more time?
If he were less tired, or if they weren’t wearing masks so ridiculous it made the entire thing feel vaguely anonymous, Sunghoon isn’t sure he ever would’ve had the courage to ask. But since they are, the words slip from his mouth with only a single clearing of the throat.
“Would you do it again?”
“Do what?” Sunoo asks.
Sunghoon opens his mouth a couple times, then closes it again in silence. Luckily he’s no stranger to taking a long pause before speaking. Sunoo probably doesn’t even notice the difference.
“Help someone out. With kissing. For practice.” Each clipped half-sentence makes Sunghoon’s heart beat faster. His skin crawls. “I haven’t kissed anyone, and it only gets harder once you debut.”
“You were so busy in school,” Sunoo says. “Between skating and being a trainee. It’s not like you had much time.”
Though Sunghoon doesn’t always catch onto things immediately, he’s grown sensitive to when someone is being nice to make him feel better. Sometimes receiving that kind of attention is grating, but from Sunoo it’s always warm, even when it doesn’t help.
“Yeah, sure. Nothing to do with how I have an out-of-body experience when someone new talks to me.” Sunghoon tries not to be obvious about how much he hates this, but he’s not sure of his success. He knows that girls at school thought he was handsome. They’d whisper when he walked by and giggle when he looked at them, but most girls want you to chase them, and Sunghoon was never that kind of person. The few times someone had been bold enough to talk to him first, he’d run them off with his shyness.
Not that different from how he responded when Sunoo first tried to befriend him, when Sunghoon thinks about it. He’s lucky Sunoo wasn’t so easily scared.
“Since I have friends now,” Sunghoon continues, “and since I have one in particular that I know has been willing to help with this issue before… I dunno, is it weird for me to ask?”
“No,” Sunoo says. He doesn’t even have to think about it, which is comforting. “No, why would it be? I put the idea in your head.” A knot at the center of Sunghoon’s back slowly drains of tension.
“Are you sure you want it to be me?” Sunoo’s genuine concern twists Sunghoon’s heart. It’s not supposed to be a big deal. If Sunoo takes it seriously, that makes it weirder. “I have plenty of friends I can ask. I’m sure they’d be willing.”
“It has to be you,” Sunghoon says. His conviction surprises him, but he doesn’t second-guess it. “I trust you. I know you’d trust anyone you ask, too, but with the company and everything else, I just—I don’t want to go to someone else.”
Sunoo takes a slow, deep breath. “And you won’t have an issue with your first kiss being a guy?”
Sunghoon hadn’t considered that. It takes him a second to recalibrate and figure out why he wasn’t thinking about it, but in the end, it all comes back to Sunoo’s story.
“Your first kiss was with a girl, right? But you never liked girls. Is it weirder for mine to be with a guy even though I’m not gay?”
Sunghoon is surprised his logic makes any sense when all he can do is worry about Sunoo telling him no. It wouldn’t be a big deal—he’s gone this long without being kissed, he can go longer—but it would be so embarrassing.
“True.” Sunoo draws out the word, more thoughtful than anything. “Hold that thought, okay? I’ve got to take this off.”
Right. The face masks. Sunghoon almost forgot he was wearing one, which is weird given how uncomfortable he usually finds them. He checks his phone while Sunoo leaves the room; somehow, he still has three minutes left on his.
“You might as well come in here,” Sunoo calls from the bathroom. “I’ll have to take yours off soon enough.”
Sunghoon had been anticipating peeling it off himself, but he did ask Sunoo to do the work. He heads to the bathroom and finds Sunoo patting his bare face carefully with a cloth. “You have to let it soak in,” he explains when he spots Sunghoon over the mirror.
“Sure.” Sunoo’s skin always looks good, so Sunghoon can’t really spot any differences, but it’s nice to see his face again, with a full smile unhindered by anything stuck to his skin. “What does this do, exactly?”
“Keeps your face healthy.” Sunoo turns to face him and leans back against the counter. “Your skin there is very delicate, you know.”
“I knew that part, yeah.”
“Our skin is always suffering under the makeup we wear, especially stage makeup. It’s so heavy. This helps your skin remember what it’s like to breathe.”
“By covering it all up?” Sunghoon raises a skeptical eyebrow. Sunoo just laughs.
“Yes, by covering it all up. You ready?”
“It hasn’t been seventeen minutes.”
“Sixteen will suit you just fine. We don’t want to overdo it.”
Sunghoon steps closer and nods, waiting as still as he can for Sunoo to touch him again. His hands are warmer when he slips his fingers under the edge of the mask than they were earlier. Sunoo takes it slow, peeling off the mask with delicate concentration. Sunghoon blinks rapidly when the edge of one eye hole tickles his eyelashes.
The alarm on his phone goes off, startling them both into laughter. Sunghoon turns it off before allowing Sunoo to pat his face. Has he ever been forced to look at another person for this long without looking away? Sunghoon closes his eyes before discomfort makes him fidget.
“All done,” Sunoo says. When Sunghoon opens his eyes, Sunoo is still centimeters away. Even his mouth looks soft when he smiles. “You’re glowing, hyung-nim.”
Sunghoon rolls his eyes and steps back enough to see himself in the mirror. He doesn’t look any different. A little damp, maybe.
“Thanks,” he says, returning his eyes to Sunoo’s. The smile has faded from Sunoo’s face, replaced by a more thoughtful expression. “What?”
“I’ll do it.” Sunoo briefly squeezes his shoulder. “I’ll kiss you.”
“Really?” He pauses. “Like, now?”
Sunoo’s laughter is embarrassing, but since it’s Sunoo, Sunghoon forces himself to stand and take it, face heating rapidly.
“Not now, you’re too tired. Don’t pretend you aren’t, Sunghoon-hyung, you can barely keep your eyes open.”
He wants to argue—he’s been shutting his eyes because he’s overwhelmed, not because he’s tired—but the words get caught in his throat. Sunghoon doesn’t want to push. If Sunoo’s doing him this favor, can’t he accommodate whatever requests Sunoo has?
“Besides,” Sunoo continues, “your first kiss should be a little special. Post face mask isn’t the right mood.”
Sunghoon allows Sunoo to tug him back to their bedroom. “Yours wasn’t,” he grumbles, unable to help himself.
“Of course it was.” With Sunoo’s prodding, Sunghoon forces himself to climb into his own bunk and peer down at Sunoo over the edge. “It was with a friend I love. That’s something special, even if it’s not some grand romance.”
A friend he loves. Sunghoon’s brain freezes and restarts. He wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what.
Niki bursts through the bedroom door before he can think of anything good. He looks between them and frowns. “What were you doing?”
“Face masks,” Sunoo says. “How was the gym?”
“Rude. I love face masks.” Sunghoon can’t remember a single time Niki’s mentioned them, but that doesn’t seem to be the point. “Hyung, why didn’t you wait for me?” Niki whines.
“So sorry for not putting my life on hold every time you leave the room.”
Sunoo’s sarcastic apology is enough for Niki to move on, launching into a story about how Jay almost died using one of the machines. Sunghoon settles into bed as he listens. He would swear he’s paying attention, but at some point, he must drift off, because he never quite figures out how Niki saved Jay’s life.
Comebacks are incredibly busy. On top of everything they know to expect from the ones they’ve already done, it’s daunting to perform the most difficult dance they’ve ever been given again and again for Bang PD, taking his critiques and trying to absorb them as quickly as taking a breath. There’s no time to second-guess themselves or each other, no time to overthink anything—yet somehow, Sunghoon still manages to worry.
Did Sunoo forget their agreement? It’s not like they’ve had downtime lately, so there’s no way to know for sure. Maybe it’s for the best they both forget about it. The more Sunghoon considers the situation, the stupider it gets, so he’s fine with it being swept under the rug. He’s only twenty-one. He has so much life ahead of him to kiss girls. He doesn’t need to kiss Sunoo.
Sunghoon doesn’t notice Sunoo behind him as he puts his plate in the sink until he’s nearly stepping on Sunoo’s foot.
“Shit,” he hisses. “Ddeonu-yah, be louder.”
“Boo!” Sunoo replies, hands flying up to his face to tulip pose. “Scared?”
“Not even a little. Do you need the sink?”
“I need you.”
Sunghoon can’t have heard that right. Confusion makes his head swim. “What?”
“C’mon, we don’t have a lot of time.” Sunoo wraps his hand around Sunghoon’s wrist and tugs him back to their bedroom. It’s not like it’s weird to be with Sunoo alone in this space, but the moment the door closes, a flutter of nerves starts in the pit of Sunghoon’s stomach.
Sunoo turns to face him, leaning back against the door. “Niki’s at the gym, Jungwonie’s at a meeting, neither of us have a schedule for a couple hours. Wanna kiss?”
Feeling like he’s taken a bat to the face, Sunghoon stares blankly at Sunoo for a moment. “Now?” he croaks. “What about making it special?”
“We’re three weeks out from a comeback where we’ll get to meet fans in person for the first time. We’re riding an incredible high. Is that not special?”
With a friend I love. That’s something special.
“Yeah, okay.” Sunghoon’s mouth is dry. He’s not ready. There’s no way he’s admitting any of that to Sunoo. “Let’s kiss.”
Sunoo pushes off from the door and takes Sunghoon’s arms, directing him to Sunoo’s bunk. Sunghoon is content to follow the expert’s lead, though when Sunoo sits him down, it all seems a bit too intimate. Not only is he going to kiss Sunoo—weird in its own right—but he’s going to do it in Sunoo’s bed?
That probably isn’t as strange to Sunoo as it will be for Sunghoon. For Sunoo, it might be an interesting story, but it won’t be his first kiss. It’s fine. Sunghoon will just have to make himself forget. Maybe he’ll sit with Sunoo down here more, just to chase the memory away and replace it with some normal ones.
For a moment it seems like Sunoo is going to crawl into his lap. Sunghoon’s fingers flex against the mattress, ready to hold him steady, but Sunoo sits next to him instead.
“Relax,” Sunoo murmurs. “You don’t have to be nervous. That’s the point of doing this with me, okay? You don’t have to worry.”
No need to worry. It’s practice, and it isn’t real, so it doesn’t matter. Sunghoon knows that. If his brain ever listened to what was reasonable, he would be able to relax about it.
Sunoo puts a careful hand on Sunghoon’s thigh. “Ready?”
Sunghoon’s head snaps up. He meets Sunoo’s eyes. “Definitely not.”
“Don’t worry,” Sunoo says with a laugh, “we’ll start with some advice. Relax being the first part.”
Great. Sunghoon is already failing. Something of his anxiety must show on his face, because Sunoo sighs and pats his leg. “Don’t overthink it, hyung. Just do what feels right. If you need correcting, I’ll let you know.” Sunoo tilts his head with a small smile. “Think of it like dance practice. You don’t need to be perfect on the first try, you just need to take feedback and use it to improve.”
The comparison helps a little. Sunghoon nods and covers Sunoo’s hand with his. This kind of move feels too mushy for such a casual favor between friends, but Sunoo’s hand is small and warm beneath his, and it makes him feel better.
“You trust me, don’t you?” Sunoo asks like he already knows the answer, which is fair. Sunghoon hasn’t hidden anything.
“Most of the time,” Sunghoon jokes. When Sunoo pinches his arm, he yelps. “Fine, fine, yes! I trust you.”
“Good.”
Slowly, giving Sunghoon time to back out if he wants, Sunoo takes Sunghoon’s hand and brings it to Sunoo’s thigh—a reversal of their earlier positions. The other hand he lifts to his neck, positioning Sunghoon’s hand so his thumb rests on the curve of Sunoo’s jaw. Sunghoon commits the feeling to memory for future reference.
Once Sunghoon is in position, Sunoo cups his cheek. “Relax,” he says, one final reminder. Sunghoon can’t help tensing when Sunoo leans forward.
Maybe that’s why Sunoo is smiling when they kiss for the first time. Sunghoon is surprised he can identify it just by feeling, the curve of Sunoo’s lips pressed against his. They’re as soft as he thought they’d be. Warm. Their noses brush when Sunoo pulls away.
He doesn’t go far, hovering close. The two share breaths for a few moments. Sunghoon doesn’t know how he expected to feel, but he doesn’t know that anything’s changed. He’s the same as he was before. The only difference is that he can say he’s been kissed.
Sunghoon brushes his thumb over Sunoo’s cheek and laughs, a barely-there sound that gets mostly swallowed by his lingering nerves. “Face masks totally work,” he says, barely aware of what’s coming out of his mouth. Maybe he’s changed more than he thought. This entire situation feels fake, too surreal to be happening to Sunghoon in real life. “Your skin is amazing.”
This is too much for Sunoo, who has to turn away to laugh, his hand flying up to cover his mouth. Sunghoon has never understood why he does that sometimes. His smile is so pretty; what’s the use in covering it?
“You’re ahead of schedule,” Sunoo says when he catches his breath. “Compliments are a key part of making your partner feel wanted.”
“Oh.” Sunghoon wasn’t thinking of it as further practice, but it’s nice to stumble onto something useful. “That makes sense.”
“My advice is good,” Sunoo reminds him. His eyes are shining. Do they always shine like this? Sunghoon can’t remember; he isn’t usually so close. “Do you want to try again?”
“Can I?”
“I asked, didn’t I? Now that the first one’s over with, maybe you’ll stop thinking so much.” Sunoo gently raps a knuckle on the side of Sunghoon’s head. “Just feel for a second.”
Their second and third kiss blend together, only differentiated by the way Sunoo’s lips move on his. On the fourth, Sunoo captures Sunghoon’s bottom lip between both of his and laps at it with his tongue. Sunghoon opens his mouth to gasp, barely getting in a single sharp breath before Sunoo’s tongue pushes inside and curls over the roof of it. Sunghoon can’t help a low hum. He didn’t realize the roof of his mouth was sensitive, though he should have, given how many times he’s burned it.
Sunghoon has no idea what to do when Sunoo’s tongue pushes at his. Should he push back? Not wanting to do anything weird, he doesn’t respond, making Sunoo break away to laugh again. He hides his face in Sunghoon’s shoulder.
“Stop being scared,” Sunoo says somewhere near his ear. When he pulls back, his gaze is so fond Sunghoon’s stomach flips. He can’t remember anyone ever looking at him like this, nor does he know what that means, if it means anything at all. “Just do what I do back to me.”
With some amount of instruction, Sunghoon is able to follow Sunoo’s lead when they kiss again. When Sunoo pushes, Sunghoon pushes back, until he understands a little of what Sunoo meant by telling him to do what feels good without overthinking it. Sunghoon follows Sunoo when he pulls back, licking the roof of Sunoo’s mouth this time. The pleased noise Sunoo traps between their lips is so satisfying Sunghoon’s hand tightens on his thigh, causing Sunoo to make that same sound again, just a little louder.
Sunghoon stops thinking at all after that. He reaches around Sunoo and tugs him over his own lap, wondering why they didn’t start like this. It’s much easier to kiss Sunoo when he’s in this position. He doesn’t even have to strain his neck.
Sunoo wobbles a little at the surprise movement, turning his head to gasp out half a beat of laughter before he tugs Sunghoon into another kiss. He runs gentle fingers through Sunghoon’s hair, tugging it a little to tilt Sunghoon’s head to the side and deepen their kiss even more. Sunghoon’s hands flex on the curve of Sunoo’s waist, unsure what to do, trying to help him balance and wondering where to touch him next.
It’s been a while since Sunghoon breathed, but he doesn’t really mind. He’s a singer. Singers can hold their breath for a long time. His dizziness intensifies when Sunoo bites down on his lower lip, soft pressure and warmth that has Sunghoon moaning openly into his mouth.
His hands tense on Sunoo in preparation—for what, Sunghoon has no idea—when Sunoo breaks their kiss, pressing his smile against Sunghoon’s cheek.
“With practice like that, you’ll make your future girlfriends really happy.”
Sunghoon nods without really internalizing what he’s agreeing to. His brain only kickstarts again when Sunoo gets to his feet, slipping out from under Sunghoon’s fingers and smoothing his shirt. “I’m just gonna—” Rather than explain, Sunoo gestures vaguely at his face. Sunghoon has no idea what that means. Sunoo leaves before he can ask.
He looks down and realizes in horror that he’s half-hard in his joggers. Suddenly, Sunghoon is very glad to be alone. It certainly makes his attempt to smother himself with a pillow more likely to succeed.
Practice kissing, like most embarrassing things, is better when forgotten and never again acknowledged. Sunoo’s demeanor toward him hasn’t changed at all. What more can Sunghoon ask for?
If anything, it’s Sunghoon’s thoughts that have changed where Sunoo is concerned, though he hopes it doesn’t show outside the confines of his mind. Now that he’s touched Sunoo so intimately, it’s impossible for him not to notice the way the other members touch him, no matter how innocuous. He has countless memories of cooing over the way Jungwon and Sunoo cling to each other, or getting up in the middle of the night and smiling when he sees Niki has once again crawled into Sunoo’s bed. Why does it make him so self-conscious to see it now?
Sunghoon is used to self-consciousness, at least. What he hates most is how hyperaware he’s become of the way he touches Sunoo. It took him a long time to get comfortable enough with the members to touch them as openly as he does. Though he isn’t the most skinship-comfortable person in the world, he’s not the most averse to it anymore, not by a long shot. Sunghoon thought he was past the rush of panic he always felt when one of them touched him before, but it’s returned with a vengeance every time Sunoo so much as brushes his hand, and that is terrifying.
If he’d known it would change so much, Sunghoon would never have asked Sunoo to kiss him in the first place.
Jake is the first to sense that something’s off with him. It’s no surprise when he asks Sunghoon if he wants to go out for lunch, just the two of them. He does this when he thinks Sunghoon might need to talk.
Just because Sunghoon knows what Jake is doing doesn’t mean he has any clue what to say, but he says yes anyway. Jake was always the person he’d ask about Sunoo’s intentions back when they’d just met on I-LAND. He doesn’t always know the answer, but Jake always knows how to talk Sunghoon out of a downward spiral, which is almost as good.
Sunghoon waits until he has a full bowl of beef stew in front of him before trying to put his jumbled thoughts into words.
“Hypothetically,” he starts.
Jake nods encouragingly.
“Hypothetically.” Sunghoon makes sure to say it firmly before speaking on the rest. “If I kissed someone…”
“Oh.” Jake’s eyes widen.
“... but it was just practice,” Sunghoon finishes, hating how desperate he sounds. It must sound crazy when he says it so baldly. He just needs Jake to understand. “That’s all it was.”
“Uh huh.”
“But I think about it a lot and it’s made it weird when I’m with this person.”
Jake is no longer nodding along. He’s just staring at Sunghoon with an emotion he can’t identify.
Sunghoon’s shoulders slump. “Uh. Why am I still thinking about it?”
Jake takes an agonizingly long pause to drink his broth. “That sounds like a crush?”
“NO, no, wait,” Sunghoon realizes he forgot an important detail: “It was a guy.”
Jake tilts his head. “Okay…?”
“A guy, Jake.”
“And this is a table.” Jake raps his knuckles on the surface beneath their bowls. “Are these things related?”
“I don’t have crushes on guys!” Sunghoon hisses.
“If you had kissed one and didn’t really like it that much or think about it a lot, I would agree with you.” Jake takes a bite of his noodles and gives Sunghoon time to sit with that one. “But it sounds like you’ve been thinking about it a lot in a positive way?”
Sunghoon sinks into his seat. “I didn’t say that,” he grumbles darkly.
“You wouldn’t call it ‘just’ practice if you weren’t kinda sad about the ‘just’ part,” Jake reasons. “Please don’t drown in there,” he adds as he watches Sunghoon stare at his stew with intent. “I’d never be able to explain that to the company. Plus, I’d be really sad.”
“No fair,” Sunghoon accuses. When he looks up, Jake is smiling. It’s annoying how impossible it is to be mad at someone who can smile like that.
He eats his stew without drowning in it. Jake lets him get away with the silence for a while. When he speaks up again, it’s tentative. “Can I ask who it was?”
“Yah, Jake-yah!” Sunghoon throws his head back and covers his face. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Jake rushes to reassure him. “I just was wondering if I could help!”
It doesn’t matter who it was, does it? Sunoo seems totally fine about the whole thing. It’s Sunghoon that has a problem with their kiss, not Sunoo. Would telling Jake actually make it easier for him to help?
Probably not, but it can’t hurt. Sunghoon is bad at keeping secrets from him anyway.
“Fine. No one can know about this,” Sunghoon says, pointing a threatening finger at Jake. “I mean it.”
“I would never tell anyone something you told me in confidence,” Jake says with a little frown of concern. That’s true. Sunghoon abruptly feels bad for hurting his feelings. Hopefully, admitting he made out with Sunoo will make Jake forget he said that.
Sunghoon chews through a chunk of beef to gather his courage. “Sunoo,” he says, staring at the table rather than looking at Jake. “It was Sunoo.”
“Sunoo?” Jake sounds happier than Sunghoon expected. “That’s great!”
“It is not great,” Sunghoon hisses, glaring at Jake. “Why would that be great?!”
“Hoon-ah, it was pretty obvious Sunoo had a crush on you at first. He’s not seeing anyone, so if you told him you like him, he’d probably say yes to going out with you. Even if he didn’t, Sunoo’s not the kind of person who would make things awkward or hold it against you. I think he’d be really happy for you.”
This conversation is making him nauseous. “Sunoo had a crush on me?”
“He didn’t hide it,” Jake says slowly. “He kind of spent the entirety of the show flirting with you, remember? He was jealous of how close we are? He wanted to spend as much time with you as possible and couldn’t stop talking about how good you are?”
Laid out so plainly, Sunghoon can see where he got the idea. He’s never considered whether guys have crushes on him or not. Since Sunghoon wasn’t going to accept their affections, there never seemed to be a point.
“But I asked him to practice kissing with me,” Sunghoon says, more confused than upset now. “Isn’t it weird for him to say yes if he likes me? Why wouldn’t he make a move? He’s the one that stopped everything, it’s not like he wanted to keep going.”
“How would you feel if Sunoo asked you to kiss him for practice?” Jake asks. “Just practice, with no feelings attached?”
“That’s not the same.” Sunghoon ignores the sinking feeling in his chest at the image Jake has created, and how similar it feels to when he watched Sunoo leave after their kiss. “I never had a crush on him.”
Jake doesn’t say anything. The longer the silence goes on, the more pointed it feels.
“Okay,” Sunghoon says quietly. “Maybe I have a crush on him now.”
Once he’s said it out loud, the memories of all the time he’s spent with Sunoo take on a new light, playing in the back of his mind like the most mortifying highlights reel of all time. Of course he likes Sunoo. He’s desperate for Sunoo’s attention. When he doesn’t get it, he whines like a child, which is more terrible the more he thinks about it. How could Sunghoon have missed that he doesn’t normally spend this much time thinking about how pretty his friends are? This is worse than watching back the times he fell during competition, worse than any trainee evaluation—Sunghoon’s massive crush on Sunoo has been so big that he must be the world’s stupidest man not to have noticed.
“Oh, God, why didn’t anyone tell me?” Sunghoon considers drowning in his stew again. “Is this why I had so many dreams about Sunoo taking me shopping and calling me oppa?”
“Probably,” Jake says, very clearly struggling not to laugh. Sunghoon appreciates the effort.
“Jake. Jaeyun-ah. What do I do?”
Jake takes a moment to finish slurping his noodles. “Uh, tell Sunoo you like him?”
“What? No, I can’t do that.” If Sunghoon does that, he’ll only make himself look like a fool. He’s never been good with his words. There’s no way that using them will lead to anything good. “If Sunoo had a crush on me so long, why didn’t he tell me first?”
“You remember that rant you went on in the dorms before we debuted? About how people always think male figure skaters are gay, and it’s such a shitty stereotype, and it’s probably part of why you never had a girlfriend in high school?” The longer Jake speaks, the redder Sunghoon’s face gets. He didn’t remember, but it sounds like something he’d say, especially when he still didn’t know the other members very well and wanted to sound cool. “You just told me you couldn’t like guys. That was only ten minutes ago.”
“Okay, okay, I get it.” He doesn’t want to, but he does. “I can see why confessing to me would be a bad idea.” Sunghoon pauses to shove another portion of beef into his mouth, chewing slowly. “This sucks. This sucks, I’m gonna mess it all up. Can’t you tell him for me?”
Jake reaches over the table to pat Sunghoon twice on the head. “You got this, Hoon-ah. I believe in you. Fighting!”
Sunghoon has never felt less reassured.
Though he knows it has to happen at some point, Sunghoon puts off telling Sunoo how he feels as long as possible. He considers waiting until after comeback is over, when they have downtime and he can potentially go home to mope if Sunoo says no, but having awareness of his crush is brutal. If Sunghoon thought it was hard not to act weird with Sunoo before, it’s impossible now, and each day he grows more certain that someone other than Jake is going to pick up on it.
Two days before comeback, Sunghoon decides he’s down to the wire. Jungwon and Niki are getting ready to go out for dinner with Jay anyway, but Sunghoon takes the opportunity to ask for privacy, just in case.
“Don’t rush back, okay?” Sunghoon rubs the back of his neck. “I need to talk to Sunoo about something important. Alone.”
“What is it?” Niki asks, stopping in the middle of putting on his shirt in favor of instant curiosity. “If you can tell Sunoo-hyung, you can tell us.”
“Ignore him,” Jungwon says, glaring at Niki in a very obvious way. Sunghoon isn’t sure whether to be happy or humiliated. “We’ll be gone for a bit, hyung, don’t worry.”
“But Jungwon-hyung—”
“Get dressed, Niki.” Jungwon nods to the shirt in his hands. “We can talk about it on the way.”
“Ugh, fine. Boring!” Niki finishes getting dressed and allows Jungwon to pull him out of the room, though they bicker the whole time. At least Sunghoon has Jungwon on his side.
He forces himself through the motions of feeding his body after that, mostly looking to keep himself busy until Sunoo gets home from his schedule. Meat distracts him well enough until Sunoo sweeps into the kitchen for a drink, smiling brightly in Sunghoon’s direction as he goes.
I’m such an idiot, Sunghoon thinks as he watches Sunoo walk back out of the room. How could he not have noticed just how much his eyes want to follow Sunoo around the room, even and especially when he’s not doing anything special?
For the first time that he can remember, Sunghoon decides to wash his plate the moment he’s done eating. He busies his hands with that for as long as possible, until even he can admit the plate is spotless, and then he’s run out of tasks to do.
Aside from the most important one.
Sunghoon approaches their bedroom with the care of a soldier approaching a land mine. When he manages to make himself push open the half-closed door, he shuts it behind himself so fast Sunoo looks up from his book, startled by the sound.
“Hyung?”
Sunoo is even prettier in the glow of his reading lamp. Sunghoon grasps uselessly at the back of his neck, trying to remember what he wanted to say. He’s been practicing this for days. Why can he never remember his words when he really needs them?
“Sunghoon-hyung,” Sunoo says, setting aside his book and scooting to the edge of his bunk, “are you okay?”
“Yes,” he says on instinct before realizing it’s a lie. Sunghoon crosses his arms. “No.” His heart is beating so fast he’s shocked Sunoo can’t hear or see it somehow. Maybe he can and he’s just being polite. Will Sunoo give him a second chance to get a confession out if he has a panic attack before the first one? He’s never had an actual panic attack, but this would be the moment.
Sunoo waits him out. Oh, no. Sunghoon loves him.
“I have to tell you something,” he says, rushing through it all in one breath. “And I’ve gotta say it all at once. So. Even if I stop for a little, can you wait until I say I’m done to say anything back?” Sunghoon swallows hard, staring down at the floor. “If you say anything before I’m done I don’t think I’ll remember how to finish.”
“Okay.” Sunoo’s voice is soft and sweet. When he looks up, Sunoo has taken his hand and put it tightly over his own mouth. Sunghoon’s chest aches. A smile forms on his face before he can stop it.
Sunghoon crosses his arms a little tighter, leaning back against the door. The pose is just cool enough to make him feel a little less out of his depth.
“I know I’ve said a lot of things,” he starts. This isn’t what he practiced, but he can’t remember any of that, so it’ll have to do. “I thought I really meant them at the time? But I didn’t, and I think they made everything confused. So I want to correct myself, I guess.” He takes a deep, fortifying breath.
“Just because I hated people making fun of me for being a figure skater doesn’t mean I’m straight,” he says. It’s important that Sunoo understand that part. “And I’m sorry if I made you feel bad when I talked about that. I didn’t know about you, and I didn’t know about me, but it probably felt bad anyway. I was being dumb.” It wasn’t part of his plan to apologize for that, but he feels a lot better after doing so.
“I’m not. Um. Straight.” Sunghoon stares directly at the spot over Sunoo’s head and hopes it looks enough like looking at Sunoo to get him a pass. It’s not that he’s a coward, but if he sees any of Sunoo’s reaction, he knows he’ll stop. Maybe that makes him a bit of a coward. “I wouldn’t think about kissing you so much if I was. Sorry it took me a while to realize. And I’m sorry I didn’t see how much I liked you, either.”
He squeezes his own ribs, but it doesn’t make the tightness in his chest go away. “I like you so much,” Sunghoon whispers before clearing his throat. “Like, you never make fun of my stupid questions, you just answer them. It makes me happy. But you also pretend to get mad and tease me back when I play with you. It’s the best. And your hands are really soft even though I don’t like holding hands that much? I like how much you read, too. I don’t read books but it’s nice when you tell me about them.”
Though he could go on and on about little things he likes about Sunoo, Sunghoon forces himself to get to the deeper parts, even though they catch in his throat and he has to force them out.
“I keep thinking I must be a total moron. How could I not know I liked you that whole time? Like, all I want is for you to look at me.” At last, Sunghoon can’t help peeking at Sunoo, unable to help himself. Sunoo is looking right at him, of course. Everything inside him feels warm and soft all of a sudden. “Because I’m always looking at you. Like, always. And I always wanna catch you looking back.”
Sunghoon stands up straight and covers his face with his hands before he can drive himself crazy over-analyzing Sunoo’s expression. “Okay,” he says, “you can talk. I need you to talk, actually, about anything, or I’ll—”
There’s the sound of movement just before Sunoo’s arms wrap around his waist, his cheek pressed tight to Sunghoon’s shoulder. Sunoo is hugging him? As reactions go, it could be worse. Sunghoon shifts his hands around Sunoo’s shoulders, eyes shut as he takes in the melon scent of Sunoo’s shampoo.
“I liked you the first day I saw you,” Sunoo murmurs. The words stop Sunghoon’s heart in his chest.
“Wow,” Sunghoon says in a daze. “Embarrassing for you.”
Sunoo pulls back to glare at him, but his eyes are shining like he’s the main character in a webtoon. Sunghoon grins. Teasing Sunoo will always be the best thing ever.
“Doesn’t sound like you were far behind, hyung. Unless ‘that whole time’ means something different to you than it does to me?”
Sunghoon scoffs. “No way, I was totally cool that first day.”
“You’re getting less likeable by the minute,” Sunoo replies, turning his face to the side.
Immediately, Sunghoon’s stomach lurches. He knows it’s a joke, but everything is still too fresh, too new for him not to panic. “No, no, wait,” he says, tilting Sunoo’s head with his fingers so he’s facing Sunghoon again.
“I’ll say whatever you want,” Sunghoon promises. “Just look at me, okay? Always.”
Sunoo’s expression softens. “Just look?”
Words have failed Sunghoon once again. Rather than risk another failure, Sunghoon leans in and presses his lips to Sunoo’s. He may not know what to say most of the time, but kissing seems like a pretty good method of communicating to Sunoo how he feels—if it doesn’t work this time, Sunghoon is pretty enthusiastic about a future involving lots and lots of practice.
He’s not sure how long they spend kissing before his phone rings. Not enough time, certainly. Sunghoon pulls away with a frown and takes it out of his pocket. Who would be calling him right now?
“Niki,” he groans. “I’m not answering.”
Sunoo reaches up and swipes his finger across the screen to answer, putting the phone on speaker before cuddling closer to Sunghoon. Normally, he wouldn’t let such behavior slide, but the novelty of Sunoo treating him like this hasn’t quite worn off.
“Can we come back yet?” Niki asks, not even bothering to wait for Sunghoon’s greeting. “You haven’t been answering my texts. What if Sunoo rejected you? Jungwon-hyung told me what you were doing, how come you sent me away without telling me? I could’ve helped. I know Sunoo really well. How did it go?”
Sunoo’s shoulders started shaking as soon as Niki started speaking, his laughter muffled into the skin of Sunghoon’s neck, but he manages to pull himself together in time to answer Niki before Sunghoon can.
“It went well,” Sunoo says. “Do you always refer to me so informally when I’m not there, Niki-yah?”
“Oh, fuck. Good job, Sunghoon-hyung! The hyungs here are happy for you!” Niki abruptly hangs up.
“Was he including himself in ‘the hyungs’ there?” Sunghoon asks as Sunoo slips his phone back into his pocket for him.
“Probably,” Sunoo sighs. “We can’t prove it, though.”
“Punk.”
Sunoo hums in agreement. They stand there for a moment in silence, just looking at each other. It’s great. Sunghoon could get used to this.
“Sit with me?” Sunoo asks.
Sunghoon nods and lets Sunoo tug him down into his bunk. While Sunoo sits up to read, Sunghoon lays his head on Sunoo’s pillow, looking up at his side profile from below and smiling. He probably looks ridiculous, but it doesn’t bother him so much now that he knows Sunoo likes it. Likes him.
“Heeseung-hyung is gonna freak,” he says as Sunoo flips through his book to find the page he was on.
“Members of the same group dating is a bit scandalous, yes.” Sunoo looks down at him, book half-open in one hand. “We’ll be careful.”
“Yeah,” Sunghoon breathes. They’re dating. That’s so cool. “I can keep the kissing stuff to just when we’re home, I think.”
Sunoo gives up on the pretense of reading and tosses his book to the foot of the bed before lifting himself up to straddle Sunghoon’s stomach. He swallows hard. Sunoo leans down and hovers close, but doesn’t kiss him. It feels bold to put his hands on Sunoo’s thighs, but Sunghoon is feeling bold tonight, riding the high of his success. Sunoo doesn’t seem to mind.
“You think?” Sunoo teases. “Heeseung-hyung should be worried.”
Sunghoon lifts his head up off the bed to kiss him. “Stop being cute.”
“I can’t stop. I was born adorable.” Sunoo leans down to kiss him this time. “You’ll have to endure it.”
“What if I can’t?” Sunghoon asks, unable to stop smiling at this point. He should’ve become gay way sooner. He had no idea it would make him this happy.
Sunoo acts like he’s seriously consider it, sitting up when Sunghoon tries to kiss him again. “If you can’t,” he decides, “I’ll look at you, and you’ll know I wish you could kiss me.”
“Every time?” Sunghoon tilts his head. “You’ll be wishing that every time?”
“It’s not that different from how I looked at you before,” Sunoo says wryly. “You just know about it now.”
Each time Sunoo reminds him of his preexisting crush, butterflies flutter in Sunghoon’s stomach.
“I can live with that,” Sunghoon agrees. “But you’d better kiss me while you can, just in case.”
Sunoo laughs. “Good idea.” He leans down to kiss Sunghoon again, sweet and hot all at once. They should probably talk more about the logistics of this—of keeping it a secret, and whether or not they want to do that forever—but Sunghoon can’t think too hard with Sunoo’s mouth on his, and that’s probably a good thing. He’ll leave the worrying to people that are better planners. For Sunghoon, the most important part is already taken care of: Sunoo likes him back and wants to kiss him all the time.
Sunghoon is more than okay with his first kiss also being his last. He’s never been a fan of change, anyway.