Checking the newspaper is like playing Northern roulette. You never know when the real bullet comes. Whether you’ll survive at all.

[STRAWHAT LUFFY’S EXECUTION: THE DEATH OF DRAGON’S SON]

Ace drops the papers. “Huh?”

Law throws the paper on the table with a scoff. “Heard you’re dead.”

Luffy shrugs, unconcerned by the news. Awfully carefree, for a dead man. All is forgiven in death, it seems.

“Care to explain this?” Law asks.

“Not really, no.”

“I wonder where they buried you,” Nami muses in the quiet of the morning. “I hope they picked something nice.”

Zoro laughs against his palm, lying half asleep on Sunny’s lawn. “Why, you want to visit?” he yawns. Couldn’t care less.

She shrugs. Might as well get some publicity for the stunt the Marines pulled on them.

Usopp scuttles over. “I can already see the news,” he gestures broadly. “Strawhat crew paying their respects to their captain. How sweet.”

“Wait.” Luffy looks up from Usopp’s metal contraptions, clumsily fiddling with their latches. “Does that mean Zoro’s the captain now?”

Silence falls over. Nami stands up, eyes wide and scandalized, slapping her hands on the table. “We are so bringing you back to life.”

“Stop panicking, yoi,” Marco yells over the deck, dodging another wave of fire aimed at his face. Kids these days. “They probably got the wrong guy.”

Ace whirls around, skin smoking hot and alight with flames. “Did they?” he snaps, voice low. “Did they get it wrong?”

“Have some trust in your brother, won’t you?” laughs Izou. “He’s fine.”

Well, Ace isn’t. “I’m calling Sabo.”

Luffy drops down from the crow’s nest, smile stretched wide. Usopp gulps, and Robin bookmarks her book, putting it away. “I have an idea.”

“Oh no,” because no good thing ever came from that lopsided grin. Usopp is a good liar.

“Oh yes,” Robin says. “Do you want to play dead, captain?”

She always understood his whims best. “Heck yeah!”

The snail blinks with bleary eyes. “Is he actually dead?” asks Dragon.

Sanji looks behind him, watching Usopp watch Luffy stuff as many marshmallows in his face as he can, without considering he is made of pure rubber and will stretch on to infinity. “I don’t know, you tell me. How’s his brother?”

“Sabo?” The snail glances away. “Ah, he’s on his way to you, with Firefist in tow.”

“This has already gotten way out of hand,” Sanji says, softly, and lights up another cigarette.

Smoker slams down the papers on Garp’s desk, cracking it in half. Garp keeps on stuffing himself with cookies.

“Whose fucking idea was to write this?” he snarls, half dead after 5 days gone without sleep. Anger is one hell of an energizer.

Garp shrugs. “Orders came from above.”

Sengoku sighs, leaning back against his chair. “The five elders thought it’d be a good idea in order to stop the wave of revolutions going around.”

With Alabasta, Fishman Island, Dressrosa, and Wano of all fucking places under his belt, Smoker understands why Strawhat Luffy is a dangerous individual even in his absence. But—

“Can you even begin to understand what you have unleashed?”

Sengoku blinks. “I’m—Pardon?” The rookie bows her head even lower.

“Sir, Charlotte Katakuri has burnt down the G12 outpost.”

Fucking Big Mom and her hundreds of headache-inducing children. “What of the people in it?”

She winces, looking away. “Do you really want the autopsy reports?”

Law flips over the chart, scribbling on the date of last week, and hands it to Chopper. “Your captain is clinically dead, as far as I’m concerned.”

Luffy cheers. Chopper passes it on to Nami, who passes it on to Usopp, who passes it on to Franky, and so on until Zoro spots the bird carrier and smiles a terrifying grin. “Someone send this to Smoker.”

Luffy drops down on the dock, overseeing the sea of people gathered around their ship, slack-jawed and whispering with fervor.

“Hello everyone!” he says, waving his hands at them. Some wave back, some step back. “I’m actually dead, so don’t—”

He doesn’t have enough time to dodge Nami’s kick. So much for visiting his grave, when she might just actually kill him for real.

“My condolences?” her father says at breakfast.

Vivi laughs, sharply, for there is little else to do. “Don’t be silly, father, Luffy is just playing around.”

Igaram heaves a long sigh, the wrinkles on his face deepening by the minute. “Shall I prepare a boat?”

Ace and Sabo drop down in the middle of their funeral preparations. Brook gets as far as three words into his carefully crafted eulogy before a wave of foreign Conqueror’s Haki washes over them. Ace steps forward, fire dancing between his fingers. Sabo sighs, holding him back by an arm, though loose-gripped. He’s not trying incredibly hard.

“He’s not dead, is he,” he says, not a question at all.

“Of course he isn’t,” Sanji snorts. “I don’t think he can die at all.”

Ace muffles a scream into his hands.

Viola dusts her heels off a Marine’s back, rubbing them free of blood. “Ah, feels good to be back.”

Rebecca watches the red trickle down the edge of her sword, catching her aunt’s satisfied smile. “It has been a while since we fought,” she says, watching the G6 base burn down. The warmth really makes her muscles relax.

Kyros steps on the deck, metal leg clinking softly. “Are we done with this one?”

“Five down, a lot more to go.”

Any amount of hard alcohol wouldn’t be able to drown out her migraine at this moment. Tashigi rubs the sleep from her eyes and walks over to the coffee machine.

“Shall I get you another coffee, sir?” she asks Smoker.

“If I don’t taste any bourbon in it, I’m throwing it away,” he grunts from behind all the paperwork stacked in ceiling-high towers.

Tashigi uncaps the flask hanging by her neck, pouring it into an empty cup. Vodka works too. “Way ahead of you, sir.”

It’s Marineford all over again. Ace groans, watching Shanks climb on Moby Dick with a smile stretched wide. Luffy got his smile from him, the little shit.

“It’s a little bit cheery around here for the death of a brother,” he grins. Ace looks on beyond him, at Red Force’s crew, all cheering and shouting songs at the top of their lungs.

“Bit cheery for the guys who are friends with my dead brother,” he parrots back. Shanks throws his hands out, shaking his head.

“What can you do? They’re a little bit enthused by all the fights they’ve been getting in.”

“Heard you took down Kizaru,” Marco grumbles. It’s alright, there are two more admirals left.

Benn Beckman laughs, the clink of the gun around his waist crystal clear.

“The newspaper’s been quiet,” Robin says, and checks the meaningless rubrics again, as if they’ll offer any new insight.

“Well, the world hasn’t,” Franky says, catching sight of smoke trailing up from a Marine base. He turns to Usopp. “Cross G7 off the list.”

“I’m quitting.”

Sengoku looks up. Kuzan has never much strictly upheld the Marine’s code no matter how much he pushed, but his brand of justice has always vaguely aligned with theirs.

“For?” he asks. If Kuzan quits, there would be no one to balance Sakazuki out. Borsalino has been missing for a week. Sengoku suspects he won’t be returning soon. Sakazuki has personally gone on a hunt for the Strawhats, having gotten word of their location.

“I want to become a baker,” Kuzan blatantly and shamelessly lies. Sengoku waves him off, watches Kuzan shoulder his meager bag of belongings and turn on his heel with more vigor than he’s ever seen him do anything.

“And, Kuzan?” The man stops, but doesn’t glance back. Perhaps if Sengoku prohibits it, he might just desert on his own. “Be safe.”

“Yes, yes,” he waves him off, tension uncoiling from his shoulders. “I’ll be sure to invite you to the opening.”

Sabo hasn’t been by their base in two weeks’ time. Belo Betty and Ivankov visit more often than him.

Dragon rights the stack of reports on his desk. He’s been having a good week, she can tell. She’s feeling just peachy herself. “Settle down, Koala. Sabo’s taken some time off.”

“Let me guess,” she says. The man is ridiculous. “Personal reasons?”

“Close. Assassination.”

“Of the entire government?”

Dragon nods proudly. Yeah, yeah. That checks out. She heads for the door. “I’m going after him.”

“Don’t forget your grenades,” he says behind her. As if.

“You know,” Luffy says, munching on his tenth muffin. Nowhere good as Sanji’s, but it’ll do. The frosty decorations are nice to look at, if a bit too frozen for his teeth. He won’t really complain, since the restaurant just opened, and offered free food to all for one day. “I think this dead thing is really working out.”

Zoro props his head on his palm. “You don’t say,” he sighs, scrutinizing the red spots all over the map Nami drew them. Luffy counts twenty before getting bored and asking the tall waiter for a plate of meat. He brings him another ice-covered muffin.

“I bet Sabo’s having fun.”

“Both your brothers aren’t mentally sound.” Zoro flips to another map. “You all aren’t.”

Koala turns away from the gates, ripped out of their hinges as they are. “I like you, be my friend,” she tells the Nefertari Princess once she steps out from the wreck the other two idiots left behind.

Vivi smiles at her, all polite and princess-like, gait elegant and regal even after battle. “Of course I will, any friend of my captain is a friend of mine.”

Makino blinks. Shanks blinks back, going for a roguish smile. They both haven’t seen each other in years, and the first thing he says to her is—

“I’m setting camp here for a while.”

Makino drags a palm over her face. “You could’ve just said you’re waiting for things to blow up.”

“Aw, but where’s the fun in that?”

The Polar Tang revs its engines, submerging into the depths below, and Law takes a seat in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of well-deserved coffee and ignoring the looks burning holes into his back. Shachi clears his throat.

“Alright,” Law grunts, seeing his crew all huddled on the same couch, patiently waiting for their turn to speak. “What is it?”

Penguin raises a hand. “You’re actually sleeping and eating properly these days and we’re concerned.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Because I’m developing a healthy lifestyle?”

Shachi rolls his eyes. “No, because you killed Akainu with your bare hands— Of course it’s because you’re being healthy! You’re… you!”

“I don’t see your point.”

Bepo steps in between them. “I think what Shachi means— sorry— is that we’re happy for you, but you’re being weird.”

Law, who has gotten used to Black Leg forcing him into the kitchen for the past few months, has nothing to say to them. “I’m trying something new.”

“That’s it,” Ikkaku drops her head into her hands. “The world’s ending.”

Marco is the first to get the newspaper this time, and everyone crowds around him, eager to catch word of the newest drama. The only drama Marco is interested in now is how Ace has been behaving after returning from his little visit. He’s awfully quiet and awfully nice and he smells of burnt skin that’s not his.

[WORLD NOBLES DEAD: THE END OF AN ERA]

Alright, that’s it. Marco stomps over to him over the sea of cheers, shoving the newspaper in his face. “Care to explain this, yoi?”

Ace shrugs, and slowly sips from his coffee. “Sabo went on a vacation.”

“And you with him, huh.” Ace shrugs again. “Go take a goddamn shower, you smell.”

“Well,” Usopp says to the entire crowd gathered at Luffy’s headstone. An impressive thing, for something commissioned by the Marines. “This is kind of awkward.”

Over the sea of pirates, marines, and royalty gathered from every corner of the world, it’s hard to distinguish his crew’s faces when everyone is busy throttling each other out. Talk about unresolved issues. His captain has too many friends.

Nami elbows him. “Just get on with it, they already paid for the entrance and exit fee,” she whispers, gold sparkling in her eyes.

He clears his throat. “On this beautiful day, we all have gathered here— Regardless of our differences,” he grinds out, watching the crowd settle down, “To commemorate the passing of a dear friend, captain, leader, hero, pain in my ass—”

“Hey,” Luffy says, rising from his coffin. “I’m not a hero!”

Sabo gasps as fake as he can from his seat by Ace’s crew, which is pretty convincing, seeing as he works as a spy. “He’s alive!” A cacophony of cheers and disappointed jeers start up, all in vague stages of I’m-glad-he’s-alive-and-I-knew-he-was-but-at-the-same-time—

Nami shoves Luffy back into the coffin. “Go back! Back, I said! I’m not giving the money back.” Luffy boos along with the crowd. “Aw, shut the hell up!”

“My, it seems our captain lives,” Robin cites from the script in her hands. “How wonderful. Now he can become the Undead King of the Pir— Who wrote this?” she asks, glaring at Brook, who cowers behind Zoro despite his height.

“Bit of a skull joke to lighten the mood?”

Vivi raises her hand before Robin tries to throttle Brook. “Yes, you, the person who’s definitely not Vivi!” Usopp shouts. Bless her.

“Can I stab Crocodile?” she smiles, knives slipping from her sleeve. The Revolutionary Army has been teaching her terrifying things.

Luffy cheers, pushing back against Nami. “Yeah!”

Daz Bones jumps in front of his boss, and the chaos starts anew. Katakuri strolls over to Jinbe and Law, and Aokiji to Dragon, starting casual conversation between the shows of power, and somehow the world doesn’t implode. Alright.

“On with the eulogy!”

“I’m charging double for property damage,” Nami grumbles.

Foosha Village is quiet until one of the Red Hairs spots the Strawhats’ ridiculous ship in the distance. Shanks is up before Benn even gets a word in edgewise, stumbling outside of Makino’s bar.

“Luffy!” he yells at the ship. On its head, perched and waving wildly, Luffy beams at them.

“Hey, Shanks! I’m finally here to fight you!”