Work Text:
The pirates of The Pirates of the Caribbean attraction were not stupid. Nor were they real pirates. They were actors, entertainers, giving Oscar worthy performances, day in, day out.
They also had access to technology, thanks to Guests leaving their smartphones behind on the ride.
And right now, the Auctioneer was using his pilfered Samsung phone to order presents for his friends on Amazon, while his friends were happily singing old Christmas carols. The season was, after all, upon them.
The Auctioneer was on Reddit, he knew Jeff Bezos was a bigger pirate than even the Auctioneer himself was pretending to be (though piracy was better than human trafficking, so he was glad that part of his backstory had changed)
But there was nine days left until Christmas Eve. He couldn’t go out into the Magic Kingdom to steal things. What would he even get, anyway? A plastic sword? A fake pirate eyepatch? A Miguel from Coco plush? Indiana Jones action figures? His friends deserved a lot better than kids toys.
That’s why he had no choice but to turn to Amazon, despite his trepidations.
When it came time to put the name in, he inputted the name of the Imagineer he interacted with most. And charged it to the credit card of said Imagineer. He didn’t have a credit card of his own, he was an animate-inanimate object, after all.
So he conducted a little piracy. So what?
As for the address, he just put in the address of the Magic Kingdom: 1180 Seven Seas Drive, Lake Buena Vista, FL.
When it got to the “order confirmed” page, The Auctioneer closed the site and joined in with his friends as they sang Silent Night. He’d get the order email.
Now, all he had to do was wait for delivery.