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It’s pouring hard when Kaveh storms out of his house.
No, not his house.
Alhaitham’s house.
The rain immediately wet his entire body. His white shirt uncomfortably latches on his body, while his hair falls flat on his head, but he pays them no mind. Anger, wounded ego and pride, with unexplainable pain in his heart swirls into one uncomfortable, suffocating heaviness in his chest. His mind also feels full of these chaotic feelings he’d rather not feel, and he tries to stop the upcoming tears in his eyes. In one last faith, Kaveh turns around, hoping to see the figure of a gray-haired male chasing after him.
But of course, who is he kidding?
The pain in his chest throbs, as the wound of expectation and hope slices his heart deeper.
He’s so foolish, to wish that Alhaitham will chase after him.
Biting his lips, Kaveh shoves his bangs to the back before he continues his walk. A little bit faster, a little bit harder as his feet splashes against the puddles on the road. As if the coldness can soothe the burning pain in his heart.
Does Alhaitham think it’s easy for him to freeload on someone else’s house? Does he think that he likes doing it? He tried his best to be a good roommate without tiptoeing or erasing his own personality to please Alhaitham. It’s not like his junior is an easy man to live with. He’s so arrogant, a prick, and most definitely a selfish ass who likes to play on his string of emotions.
But one of too many threats of throwing him out to the streets, and he has enough. He also has his pride and ego, and if Alhaitham feels it’s too burdensome to let him live with him, he should’ve told him upfront. No need for all of this drama. At the very least, that jerk should’ve chased after him and asked them to sit down and talk properly damn it. It’s raining so hard and-
Kaveh takes a deep, shaky breath.
He also thought that there’s something between them.
Maybe not something saccharine sweet like Cyno and Tighnari, or lovey-dovey like Dehya and Candace, but they are clearly more than mere roommates. He’s not that oblivious nor stupid. They fuck, sure, both of them are healthy men with libido after all, but he’s sure personal feeling is also mixed in between their sheets.
But Alhaitham’s pull and push actions keep giving him mixed signals and he’s so 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 being played like this.
Surely, if he truly likes him, Alhaitham would’ve treated him better than this.
“Kaveh you’re so stupid.” He curses himself as he thinks of a place to take a shelter temporarily. It’s already late into the night and no cafes or restaurants are open. The Akademiya opens twenty four sevens, but with his drenched appearance there’s no way he’s allowed to get in.
Where should he go?
The combination of rain and the night’s wind steadily makes his hands and his entire body numb from the cold but he can’t stop moving or he won’t be able to move anymore. A sad chuckle escapes from him as a tinge of patheticness hits him.
He’s so damn blind.
.
Why did he expect more from the Alhaitham?
Alhaitham stares at the pouring rain quietly. The wind is coming off particularly strong from his opened-wide door as the carried-away droplets of water wet his entire porch. He glances again from his seat in the living room, hoping to see an (angry) figure of a specific blond male, and yet it still gives him nothing but the view of a thoroughly soaked and empty street.
It’s been three hours, but Kaveh has yet to return.
A genuine worry blooms within his chest, but he shakes the feeling off as he turns his gaze back to the book he’s holding. However, he can’t seem to register the words it displays, as he keeps reading the same passage again and again. Another particularly strong wind sweeps through the room and he slightly shivers as the absolutely cold feeling.
If it’s already this cold when he’s completely dry and within the safe shelter of a building, then what about Kaveh?
Alhaitham sighs harshly as he closes the book with a low thud. Kaveh will most definitely come back.
Where else would he go if it’s not his house?
Anywhere else but his house, apparently.
Alhaitham waited for him until the sun rose and fell once again, but Kaveh never returned.
For once, Alhaitham can’t help but lament over the loss of the Akasha. It’ll be easier for him to track the architect’s whereabouts with it. Thankfully, he has other similar means, that is using his influence and power as the Acting Grand Sage to deploy people.
(It is an abuse of power, but well.)
It’s been a few days, and yet he still hears nothing about Kaveh’s whereabouts.
Alhaitham lets out a deep sigh, as he skims the content of the document in his hands. A part of his mind is registering and appropriately making concise conclusions over his works, but a good chunk of his attention is still hovering about the blond’s disappearance. While he knows that Kaveh is by no means a weak person, he still can’t help but be worried. The architect is actually quite a trouble-magnet and had it not because of his current workload, he’d have gone hunting for the older male himself.
Alas, he has responsibilities and not to mention, he has deployed out enough people to hunt Kaveh for him.
With this thought in mind, he continues his works. Some good time has passed and he’s in the middle of signing a document when he hears the hums of his office’s lift. He looks up from the papers and sees Panah is jogging up to him.
“Acting Grand Sage, I have an update regarding your latest inquiries.” The middle-aged man says as soon as he arrives right in front of him. “As you suspected, Sir Kaveh is currently residing at the Kshahrewar’s project in the desert, but-” He grimaces.
.
Alhaitham immediately stands up from his seat. “Arrange a transport from the site to Aaru Village and if the situation is doable, straight back to the city.” He says as he hastily drapes his coat on his shoulder. “Our medical center is too short-staffed for an additional on-field request, so send someone to summon Tighnari to the Aaru Village. Brief him of the situation and tell him to take an apprentice to help him there.” He fires the orders. “Make sure that the transport will arrive in time.”
A thought occurs in him and Alhaitham turns to his assistant. His hand fishes into his pocket and he throws a pouch of mora to Panah, who catches it in time. “Use that to make them move faster.” He ends before he leaves the room.
.
“Where is he?” Alhaitham presses as he walks fast across the construction site.
“Senior Kaveh is in the medical tent.” The girl answers, trying her best to match the pace the Acting Grand Sage has set. “Turn to the right, Sir.”
He follows her instructions, but still keeping the same fast pace. “How long has he been here?”
“Four days ago.” She replies shortly, her breath is too short to be able to speak more.
A deep frown mars on Alhaitham’s face upon hearing the other’s reply.
He went here in that pouring rain?
“The fever?” He asks again as they’re almost arrived at the white-colored tent.
“As soon as he arrived.” She responds, openly panting for breath.
Alhaitham’s frown gets deeper at the answer. “Why did you not report this?”
“Senior Kaveh forbade us-”
Alhaitham stops in his tracks upon hearing it. “Then are you all going to take the responsibility if something bad happens to him due to late medical-handling?” He scolds, glaring at the younger female beside him. “I thought the Akademiya’s rules are very clear. On-field medical tents will only be used to handle light and non-threatening injuries. Any other kind of injuries and prolonged-illness shall immediately be reported and the patient will be returned to the city for further assistance. Is this kind of action commonly taken here?”
She winces at the harsh scolding. “I apologize, Sir. We thought his fever would subside soon but-”
“I don’t want to hear any more excuses.” Alhaitham cuts off as he resumes his pace to the tent. “I’ll file an official report for this project to be inspected thoroughly. This level of carelessness is simply astounding.”
“Sir please-”
Alhaitham waves his hand to dismiss her, completely ignores her plea and pushes the flap of the tent to the side. He’s immediately greeted with the smell of disinfectant, before his eyes naturally fall to the corner of the room where Kaveh is lying on. He immediately crosses the area without care of his surroundings. His heart beats erratically in his chest when he sees the older male’s pale face, as his usually rosy lips are also all dry and look sickly pink. He grabs Kaveh’s hand and his anxiety gets worse when he feels that the older male’s hand is terribly cold.
By Lord Kusanali’s name, Kaveh-
“Sir.” A male with a healer badge greets as he comes to his side.
“How’s he?” Alhaitham demands, turning his head towards the healer.
“His fever hasn’t subsided even though we’ve given him the medicine. We don’t have appropriate tools to support an IV, so we have to gradually wake him up to eat and drink.” He grimaces a little.
“As the on-field healer, why did you not report this immediately?” Alhaitham scolds, his eyes briefly glance at Kaveh’s weakened and unconscious body.
“I apologize, Sir.” The healer bows down. “Sir Kaveh has insisted on it and I abided his reasons. We didn’t expect that it’d go this bad.”
“Unbelievable.” Alhaitham sighs harshly. “Enlighten me then, about Kaveh’s reasons.” He waves his hand to the right.
The healer bites his lips, before hesitantly replies, “The budget is quite limited and Sir Kaveh wanted to spare it for other members’ needs instead.”
Alhaitham clenches his fist as anger erupts in his chest. “Preposterous.” He snaps at the male in front of him. “How could you follow such ridiculous instructions? If the budget is too low to afford proper medical assistance, then why is this project still going on in the first place? Do you realize how much of a hazard this is?”
“I’m sorry, Acting Grand Sage.”
“Sorry won’t be able to change anything. At the very least, you should’ve reported it as soon as you realize that the medicine didn’t work on him.” Alhaitham sternly says as he returns to Kaveh’s bedside. He touches the older male’s forehead and he grits his teeth upon feeling the absolutely burning skin. It seems that his touch has aroused the blonde-haired man, because Kaveh blearily opens his eyes.
“Haitham…?” He raspily whispers.
“I’m taking you back.” Alhaitham firmly says. By the look of the other’s face, he knows Kaveh wants to retort to him. However, it’s also clear that the older male is having difficulty arranging his thoughts in his current condition and it unsettles him deeply.
Gently, he slips his arms under the Kaveh’s neck and knees, before lifting him up and carrying him in his arms. There's an uncomfortable feeling on the bottom of his stomach when the usually fiery blonde-haired male only groans in his arms, not even slapping his chest or pushing him away like he usually does.
“Sir-!” The healer exclaims. “Sir Kaveh is too weak to endure a journey back to the city in this state-”
“And yet you did not have any intention to do anything prior to my arrival.” Alhaitham cuts him coldly. “Also, this project will undergo thorough inspection from the Akademiya. Be prepared.” He curtly informs before he walks out of the tent.
.
.
Kaveh tries to regulate his breath and stays awake as he’s jostled lightly with every step Alhaitham takes. His vision is still blurry and his entire body is in so much pain, but the coldness from the younger male’s body somehow feels comforting and he tries to anchor himself to that feeling. Based on the pieces he heard amidst his half-unconscious state, he has to stop the younger man.
“Haitham…” Kaveh’s whispers, trying to take the other’s attention.
“Tighnari is waiting for us. You’re going to be okay, Kaveh. He’ll fix you in no time.” Alhaitham says instead, not bothering to glance at him as he brings them to… somewhere.
Kaveh scoffs quietly. “The project…” He takes a deep breath to control the lightheadedness he feels. “Don’t touch my team.”
“I wouldn’t, had you not been so irresponsible. I still wouldn’t, had they had enough common sense when you’re like this.” Alhaitham responds, a tinge of anger can be detected in his usually calm and collected voice.
“Whose fault do you think that is?” Kaveh snides weakly.
“You’re the only person who would storm out in that storm, Kaveh. And you even went to the desert in that state.” Alhaitham says.
Kaveh closes his eyes as his heart throbs again. He hates this. He hates being weak. He hates himself for sensing genuine worry and concern from Alhaitham. He hates that he feels a sliver of happiness because Alhaitham actually picks him up. “Why are you doing this?”
“Why else?” Alhaitham replies unhelpfully. “We’ll talk more when you’re not delirious.”
“I’m not.” Kaveh denies. “And I don’t want to talk to you.”
“We will, even if I have to make you answer to me as a Grand Sage.”
“That’s abuse of power.” Kaveh raspily retorts as his consciousness wanes once again. He hears Alhaitham’s remarks for the last time before everything turns black again.
“So be it.”
.
.
Alhaitham glances at the older male in his hold, when he doesn’t hear any sounds from Kaveh anymore. When he sees that the architect has passed out, he tightens his grip as the transportation that will take them to Aaru Village can be seen from afar.
.
Just bear it for a little while, Kaveh.
The Head of the Aaru Village grants them one of an empty but usable building in the area and Alhaitham has never been so thankful for his title and wealth. They swiftly move the sick blond into the largest bedroom available and ever since then, Tighnari has been in the bedroom with him.
It’s evening when they arrive at the village and now the sun has set into rest, dimming the sky into the darkness but there’s still no sign of the forest watcher going out of Kaveh’s room. Collei, Tighnari’s assistant, has been going in and out endlessly, asking for some water and other things but she’s unable to give him any concise update about Kaveh.
Candace also has kindly cooked them dinner, but he finds himself having no appetite to eat anything. Kaveh’s condition worries him terribly and he has sent a message to the city to prepare just in case that Kaveh has to be moved. He has done all things he can think of, but the restlessness inside him almost makes him unable to stay still.
It’s already well-past dinner time when Tighnari finally comes out from Kaveh’s room.
“Alhaitham.” Tighnari calls him and Alhaitham immediately springs up from his seat, approaching the healer quickly.
“How’s he?” He asks.
“Stable, for now.” Tighnari assures. “I’ve managed to wrestle down his fever to some degree with my medicines, but he’ll still need intensive care for now. He’s too dehydrated, that’s why it was hard for the healer to put his fever under control. For now, I need all of these things,” He says as he hands the gray-haired male two pieces of paper, “One list is the herbs and other medicines I need, while the other is equipment I don’t have on hand, like IV drips, change of clothes for Kaveh and whatnot.”
“I’ll have people send these as soon as possible.” Alhaitham nods as he reads the list. “Do you need anything else, Tighnari?” He questions.
The forest watcher watches him for a while before sighing in a reprimanding-manner. “I need you to sit and take a breather after this.” Tighnari sternly says. “Go have dinner and drink enough water, I don’t need you to get sick as well.”
“I will.” Alhaitham automatically says, shelving the orders as unimportant in the back of his mind. He’s about to turn around and arrange the requests when his shoulder is grabbed by the shorter male.
“I mean it, Alhaitham.” Tighnari warns. “Eat, drink, sleep. I and Collei will keep an eye on Kaveh. I promise he’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
Alhaitham nods slightly. “I know you will. Thank you, Tighnari.” He sincerely says, before turning around and walks out of the building to do what he can do with the lists.
The first thing Kaveh notices upon his consciousness is that he’s laying on a comfortable, clean and cool bed. The aches on his whole body follows after and he takes a deep groan at the feeling. Opening his eyes, he’s greeted with the dim lighting of an unknown room. Hazy and unpleasant memories about his fever resurfaces. He sits up on the bed and touches his forehead. It doesn’t feel as hot and the aches in his body feels like an aftermath of said fever and Kaveh lets out a sigh of relief. He turns his head to the side, observing the room.
It is empty, bar for some equipment and whatnot. The high fever prevented him from remembering much, but he’s pretty sure that there’s someone by his side before and he’s definitely not in the project’s camp anymore.
Where is he then?
Slipping out of his bed, Kaveh rather shakily walks towards the window. He blinks dumbfoundedly when he sees a familiar sight of Aaru Village at night time. That’s also when he notices the familiar, puffy white sleeves on his wrist. He looks down on his body, surprised that he’s actually wearing his looser white top with comfortable navy shorts that he usually wears at home.
Kaveh looks around the room and decides to check on the first floor, where he’s greeted with sleeping Tighnari and a green-haired little girl on the huge sofa. Bottles of liquid in various colors as well as some herbs are scattered around the low desk.
They must’ve been the ones who took care of him.
Not wanting to wake them up, Kaveh tiptoes his way back into the second floor back into his room. Barely five minutes in and he already feels the room is overly stifling as he sits on the edge of his bed. He’s not sleepy anymore and the room doesn't have anything to entertain him. After some deliberation, Kaveh returns back to the first floor where he silently makes his way onto the porch. Crossing his fingers, he hopes Tighnari won’t be awake until he returns into his room.
He’s just going to take a walk.
It’s already late into the night when Alhaitham arrives in Aaru Village.
The small village is already quiet and deserted, with most of the residents already deeply asleep within their houses. He passes by a few guards who greet him, to which he responds with a nod of his own as he makes his way to his destination.
He has been cooped up in this village for the past two days, monitoring Kaveh’s condition along with Tighnari and his apprentice but he’s urgently needed back in the city yesterday morning. He dealt with it quickly, asked for some official time off from Lord Kusanali and upon hearing his reasons, she kindly let him off for the whole week.
It doesn’t take long for him to arrive at the building where Kaveh is in and he slips into the house. He carefully and quietly walks across the room, mindful of the sleeping Tighnari and Collei. He ascends to the second floor and carefully opens the door of Kaveh’s room.
It feels like he’s being hit by cold water when he sees that the bed is empty.
He quickly goes into the room, turning his head to the left and right to check on every corner. The anxiety that pools on the bottom of his stomach gets worse with the realization that Kaveh has indeed, gone missing. His hand touches on the bed and senses that it’s still slightly warm.
It hasn’t been long since the blond leaves then.
Alhaitham immediately turns around and goes to the first floor. A thought to wake Tighnari and his assistant up passes him, but upon seeing their exhausted faces, he doesn’t have the heart to wake them up.
He’ll be able to find Kaveh on his own.
Kaveh takes a big sigh, letting the cold wind of the desert fill his lungs and hits his thinly covered body. He knows it’s really unwise to sit on the rooftop in the middle of the night when he hasn’t fully recovered yet, but he really needs the change of air. His legs dangle idly on the edge, as he mulls over the blurry and broken pieces of memories in the back of his mind.
It was Alhaitham who brought him here.
He still remembered smelling the younger man’s signature scent and arguing with him about his team, however the rest was lost on him. He’s not sure just how long he was out, but it must’ve been a few days, judging from the state of the flower on the nightstand. He’s pretty sure that in his daze, he saw them fresh and perky white, but now the roses have mostly wilted.
Was it Alhaitham who brought the flower?
It doesn’t take long for him to dismiss the ridiculous notion with a laugh.
It can’t be. Alhaitham isn’t as considerate and too selfish to be able to think such a nice thing, especially for him who has greatly inconvenienced him.
The thought brings a miserable throb in his heart.
An inconvenience, huh.
Kaveh chuckles bitterly. He knows this heartbreak is partly his fault too, for falling and loving a man like Alhaitham. Just how long have it been, he wonders, as a particular fond memory resurfaces in his mind.
.
It was an excellent evening. The sky was clear and the sun was glowing in a gentle orange light, while the wind gave the much needed coolness to his overheated brain. He was walking around the outdoor area of the Akademiya when he saw him.
Leaning on the pavilion’s wall with a book in his hand was a young man that he recognizes as Alhaitham, the latest Akademiya’s recruit from the Haravatat Darshan. The gray-haired male was completely asleep, lulled by the gentle wind and the comfortable shelter of the pavilion. While the young man didn’t graduate with straight honor like him, he has seen him in passing during his Akademiya days. He heard that the newly graduated student made such an impression in front of the Sages that he’s immediately hired as one of the Akademiya’s staff.
Alhaitham’s clothes have changed from those tasteless uniforms and oh by Lord Kusanali’s name, it turned out that this junior of his was hiding such a well-defined body underneath it.
He remembered thinking that Alhaitham was very mesmerizing. He has an admittedly handsome face and combined with that adonis-sculptured body and skin-tight tee that seems to hide nothing, it’s as if he’s meant to be graced with such handsomeness and masculinity that’s almost as temptatious as the devil itself for humanity.
.
Maybe, he has started to fall for Alhaitham from that day.
Obviously, life went on after his little accidental meet-up with younger Alhaitham and due to their positions, it didn’t take long for them to be introduced formally.
And the rest was history.
It’s without saying that they bickered on a daily basis. The younger man is infuriating and more often than not pops the vein in his head, but both of them know that they’re simply… bickering. There were no aims or genuine intentions to truly hurt or demean the other. Even though their personalities obviously clashed so much and Alhaitham had no taste in home decor- or any taste in art in fact, somehow, it’s comfortable living with him.
It really is.
The moments he shared with Alhaitham in their daily life slip into his mind and a sense of loneliness blankets his entire body at the reminder. It seems that their domesticity had led him to believe that Alhaitham genuinely likes him that way. Had Alhaitham really liked him, or seen him as someone he has affection to, he surely would have bluntly said so to him.
Had he really liked him, he would’ve chased after him that night.
The reminder of their fight and the younger’s hurtful remarks worsens the throb in his heart and Kaveh chuckles bitterly.
Ah, he’s truly the foolish one, to fall for someone as merciless as Alhaitham.
The funny thing is, even though he knows it’s futile and he’s only hurting himself, he still yearns for Alhaitham’s affection.
Kaveh, you’re so blind and stupid, he thinks as he closes his eyes.
Alhaitham finally finds him.
Sitting on the edge of the rooftop of an empty building, Kaveh is almost hidden from the public view if it’s not for his bright blond hair popping up a little like a little sun. The invisible ropes that have been tightly wrapping his chest slowly loosens up, as the fear that the older male has slipped away from his hand dissipates as well.
Turns out he’s still in the village.
He quietly approaches the building where Kaveh is and climbs the wall of the empty building. His feet don’t make any sound as he taps down at the rooftop. He instinctively looks to the right and left, sensing for any intruder. Finding none, his eye automatically falls to the older male.
Unexpectedly, the sight of Kaveh’s back feels like a punch on his stomach.
He doesn’t know how to describe it, but Kaveh looks especially frail this way. His shoulder is slouched down while he’s bending his body forward a little. One might think that he’s simply bearing the cold air with such thin clothing, however in his eyes, it feels like Kaveh is curling up because he’s hurting. It’s so unlike the firm and confident back he used to glance at as Kaveh works on his design in their work room.
So fragile.
Alhaitham ignores the strange throb in his chest as he takes off his outer coat. Quietly, he approaches the older male before he drapes his coat around him. The blond haired man jumps up when the article of clothing falls on his body, undeniably startled out of his mind before he looks up to him with widened eyes.
“You’re going to get a cold again, Kaveh.” Alhaitham says as he gently drapes the coat around the other’s shoulder, mindful to make sure that it truly covers his whole body. Due to this, he can’t help but notice how his coat seems to engulf the older male fully, proving his suspicion that Kaveh has indeed, gotten a lot thinner.
The strange throb in his heart quickly morphs into one of hurt, when Kaveh pulls down his coat roughly before shoving it up back at him with a glare.
“I don’t need this.” Kaveh scowls, his shoulder is tense and his jaw gets tight. There’s hostility in Kaveh’s eyes and Alhaitham avidly pretends that he doesn’t see it. “What are you doing here, Alhaitham?”
“Wear it.” Alhaitham insists, pretending that he didn’t hear the harsh greeting and takes the coat before draping it back at the older male. Looking at Kaveh now is like seeing a bristling and defensive injured cat and he knows that it’s partly his fault.
“I said I don’t want it-” Kaveh hisses, shrugging off the coat again.
Sensing that the blond will keep resisting it, Alhaitham puts both of his hands on Kaveh’s shoulder, making sure that the coat stays as he sits down behind the older man, igniting a bubble of protest as he collects Kaveh into his arms. Their position effectively sandwiches the coat between them and prevents him from escaping.
A frown mars his face when he feels how cold Kaveh’s body really is. Alhaitham tightens his hold, wanting to share his body heat with the older man. “See, you’re freezing.” He murmurs. Worry courses through him as he’s immediately reminded of the sight of Kaveh’s limp and listless body back then.
Surprisingly, the blond stops struggling in his hold, but he doesn’t say anything either. A solemn mood descends between them, with a tinge of awkwardness left from their last fight. The silence stretches for a good while, before Alhaitham decides to break it off. “Why are you here?”
“That’s none of your business.” Kaveh responds with a scoff. “What are you doing here?”
“You disappeared from your room.” Alhaitham replies. “I thought you escaped.”
“What, am I a prisoner now?” Kaveh scowls.
“You haven’t fully recovered.” Alhaitham scolds at the childishness of the other, before his voice turns a little bit gentler. “Kaveh, why didn’t you return home?” He inquires straightforwardly, as he fixes their position so he can embrace Kaveh better.
“I know you’re a jackass, but are you really asking that?” Kaveh coldly replies.
Refusing to be put off by Kaveh’s hostility, Alhaitham pushes through. “Yes. Why didn’t you return, Kaveh? Had I not found you in time, you’d have been in a worse condition.” He reprimands.
“Don’t act as if you care, Alhaitham.” Kaveh replies. “I’m merely an inconvenience, remember? Whether I die or I live, it won’t involve you-”
“Kaveh.” Alhaitham warns him, entirely uncomfortable with the idea of the blond dying, period. “Don’t say that.”
“Say what?” Kaveh mercilessly says as he turns to the younger man. “That I’m an inconvenience? Oh please Haitham, you were the one who said so. What is it to you anyway?” Kaveh defensively says with an obvious displeasure on his face.
Alhaitham falls silent at the remark. It takes him another moment before he admits quietly, "I miss you."
“Bullshit.” Kaveh responds in tandem and Alhaitham feels his heart break a little at the rude remark of his honest feeling. He’s about to retort at the blond, when he notices that Kaveh's breath is a little heavier than what it’s supposed to be. It immediately distracts him from what he intends to say.
“You're still unwell.” Alhaitham states. “Let's go back to the house and talk there. Being out in the open like this won’t be good for you.”
“You can go.” Kaveh waves his hand dismissively. “I still want to stay here.”
“You're making a bad decision if you do so. Stop being so stubborn.”
“Well, as you said, I've always been like that. I always make bad decisions at every corner, so.” Kaveh shrugs. “Return to the city and don't bother to come here again, Alhaitham. I'm fine.”
“Kaveh-”
“I said I'm fine so leave me alone.” The blond hisses.
Completely frustrated with this useless back and forth, Alhaitham sighs harshly. “Why are you acting like this?”
“Why- are you really asking me that after the shits you told me?”
“You keep bringing that up.” Alhaitham glares at him. “If you were really infuriated by it, you should've scolded me like you usually do.” He presses. “Instead you stormed out of the house and never returned.”
Alhaitham expects the older male to retaliate, but instead, a heavy sigh escapes from Kaveh before his previously tense shoulder slouches down. This way, it feels like Kaveh has gotten even smaller in his hold and he doesn’t like it one bit.
It’s like… it’s like he’s defeated.
Resigned.
“Even in this situation... You're still such a jerk. You can have any perception of me but I'm still a human too, Alhaitham.” Kaveh says as he turns his head to the left, avoiding his stare.
Something starts to click on Alhaitham’s mind.
“Kaveh… Were you… hurt by those words?” Alhaitham tentatively asks.
“Congratulations, Acting Grand Scribe Sir, you finally used your brain and found your conscience.” Kaveh sarcastically says.
Alhaitham pushes the hurt from Kaveh’s remark to the back of his head, choosing to focus on the problem. “I’ve never meant any of them. We never do.” He explains quietly. “You know that, Kaveh.”
“How am I supposed to know that?” Kaveh chuckles derisively.
“We were alway bickering.” Alhaitham points out as if it’s obvious, before he rests his chin on the other’s right shoulder. “We were always fighting, but you know that we have never meant any of them.”
“Did you?” Kaveh sharply says. “You were pretty emotional when you said those hurtful things to me, Alhaitham.”
“So do you, Kaveh.” Alhaitham reminds the other. “But I’ve never meant any of my words as I know that you didn’t really mean yours…. Or were you?” He asks back, suddenly feeling vulnerable as the possibility has just dawned on him. “Did you mean it then, swearing that no one will be able to love me and I’ll die alone with no one who will care about me?”
“I- Alhaitham !”
“Did you mean it then, Kaveh? That I’m someone who’s unworthy to love?” He asks carefully, but seriously.
When he receives nothing but silence, Alhaitham feels like a stone has been dropped on the bottom of his stomach.
So.. so that’s why Kaveh has been circling around their fight. Kaveh thought he meant every word he said in their fight, because Kaveh also meant every hurtful remark he hurled at him back then.
It’s unavoidable that they’ll often fight, considering that their personalities are vastly different and he actually likes teasing the blond, but that’s all there is.
Simply bickering.
But it seems that he’s mistaken. Unlike him, Kaveh has always meant every word and every insult.
A little bit numbed with the unexpected revelation, for once in his life, Alhaitham wants to escape from this particular confrontation. “I see.” He manages to composedly say, as his mind also gets blank with the painful clench on his heart. “Very well, I will leave you alone.” He ends as he lets go of his hold and stands up to leave the older male.
If someone as genuine and lovable as Kaveh has decided that he is unworthy of being loved, it's also clear that Kaveh will never be able to reciprocate his feelings in the first place.
.
He has misread the older male.
It’s all fucking and no feelings for Kaveh all of this time.
“I see.”
Kaveh is startled when he hears the utter vulnerability in Alhaitham’s voice and whips his head to face the younger man. His eyes widen further when he sees the completely broken look on Alhaitham’s face, before he abruptly lets go of his hold and stands up.
“Very well, I will leave you alone.” The younger man quickly says and turns around to leave him.
Completely flabbergasted with the sudden change of situation as an alarm in his head blaring loudly, Kaveh immediately grabs on the other’s wrist. “What the- why are you the one who's running away now?” He snarls angrily at him.
“Kaveh... you just admitted that I’m indeed an unloveable human and no one will be able to love me.” Alhaitham points out. “However, as I quoted you, I'm also a human.” He replies evenly, although there’s sadness glinting on those eyes. “Having someone I love saying that to me is quite…” He trails off before sighing. “It doesn’t matter. Once you get better just come into the house. Your key is under the pot-”
Kaveh feels his jaw drop to the floor at the sudden confession.
What?
Alhaitham loves him?
“What did you just say?” Kaveh asks breathlessly as he looks up at the younger male.
“You heard me, Kaveh.” Alhaitham simply says.
“When-?” He asks.
Alhaitham only shrugs with a rather bitter expression on his face. “As long as I remember.”
“So… you’ve liked me all of this time?”
“That is correct.”
“Then why... Why didn't you say anything! I even-...” Kaveh falls silent. “You must’ve been hurting when I talked about somebody else.”
“Didn't you often say it? That I have a heart made of rock and ice?” Alhaitham chuckles lowly.
“That's just a playful jab and you know that.”
“Doesn’t change that it is true to some degree.” Alhaitham shrugs. “It is painful and my chest often hurts and throbs when I see you with another, but I can deal with it just fine. You also stop doing it once we start to sleep together so no worries on that part as well. Also, loving you doesn’t mean I have to force you to love me back. Even I know that much.” Alhaitham wisely says.
“That's not right.” Kaveh gravely says. “You talked as if your feelings don’t matter.”
“In the grand scheme of things, it isn’t Kaveh.” Alhaitham shakes his head lightly.
“That’s... so pitiful.”
“Is it?” The gray-haired male hums. “Well. I don't mind that either, but hearing that I will never be able to acquire your affection because I’m unworthy of said things is a little too much for me now, so I’ll return first. Don’t stay too long here, Kaveh.” He grimly smiles before shaking off his hold on his wrist and walks away.
Kaveh is speechless upon hearing it. His own heart throbs in tandem with his heartbeat at the utter sadness on Alhaitham’s face. He’s both happy and sad and flabbergasted-
Why... why this stupid arrogant bastard...
“You better stop and face me right now, Alhaitham.” Kaveh snarls angrily. “Or I will throw my weapon at you right this instant.”
Alhaitham does stop in his tracks, before visibly sighing and turns his body to face him. “What now Kaveh-”
“I like you.” Kaveh says, staring at the younger male in the eyes. “I’ve always liked you.”
He watches Alhaitham make a brief vulnerable expression on his face, before it morphs back into his usual mask. “Kaveh, you don’t need to pity me-”
Instant offense courses through him at the remark. Why Alhaitham is always hard to deal with- “I’m saying that I love you too, you stupid green oaf!” Kaveh angrily yells at him.
Alhaitham visibly freezes as he stares at him with surprise. “What did you just call me-”
“That’s not what’s important!” Kaveh hisses furiously as he shakily stands up and storms to the Acting Grand Sage. “You stupid, stupid, dumb fucker-” He snarls as he pulls Alhaitham’s collar and clashes their lips harshly.
Their kiss is far from his ideal first kiss between lovers. It’s full of rage and confusion and such pent-up feelings between them, especially after Alhaitham returns his kisses with even more force, as if he’s also pouring his own frustration into it.
When they finally break it off, they’re panting for breath as a trail of saliva still connects them off. Alhaitham chuckles as he wipes it off.
“Your lips are dry and you're still burning up.” Alhaitham murmurs as he pulls up both of their bangs and puts their forehead together. “See. It's still so hot.”
“This isn’t the time for that, Alhaitham.” Kaveh scowls, even though he can still feel hot blush rising up on his cheeks. “I’ve just confessed to you and you’re focused on my fever?”
“Oh.” Alhaitham quietly says. “You meant it?”
“You bastard-” Kaveh hisses before he head-bangs the gray-haired male, feeling a sense of satisfaction when Alhaitham immediately pulls himself back in obvious pain. “Did that finally clear your head? Of course I mean it you dumbfuck.” He huffs as he crosses his arms in front of his chest.
“You didn’t need to get this rough.” Alhaitham complains half-heartedly as he rubs his forehead.
“That’s your own fault for being inherently stupid.” Kaveh scowls. “We wouldn’t have been in this situation had you been forward with your feelings instead of pulling and pushing me back and forth. That’s why I thought you were serious about our last fight.” He huffs again. “But do tell me… Why didn’t you chase after me that night, if you love me?” He demands.
“I thought you’d return. I had believed that you’d go back to me because I thought we were simply bickering as usual.” Alhaitham guiltlessly explains
“Stupid, stupid Haitham- of course you should’ve chased after me regardless!” Kaveh scolds as he taps his foot impatiently. “You’re such an obtuse oaf.”
Alhaitham exhales softly before he approaches him again and pulls him into his embrace. “We both are, to be fair.”
“Excuse me-”
“Alas, at least we now know of each other’s feelings.” The gray-haired male states before leaving a kiss on his forehead. “I love you, Kaveh.”
A little bit flustered with the rather blunt confession, Kaveh sulkily buries his face on the other’s neck conjecture before whispering, “I love you too.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Alhaitham chuckles, before continuing in the same gentle tone, “Kaveh.”
“Yeah?”
“Let’s go home.” He whispers, leaving another gentle kiss on the other’s forehead.
When they finally return, Tighnari and Collei are already up and waiting for them. Worry are plastered on their faces and Tighnari takes no time in scolding them (Kaveh, in particular), but upon registering their joined hand, he just sighs deeply and congratulates them.
He still gives them an earful after that though.