Archive of Our Own ^beta

Matsuoka Rin, the most hopeless romantic on the face of the earth, doesn't have a soulmate.

It's okay not to, his mother always reassures him. Not everyone has a soulmate. It doesn't mean you'll end up alone. And even if two people are soulmates, it doesn't always mean things will work out for them. Don’t worry about it so much, dear. It's okay. It's alright. It's fine.

But it's not. It's unfair, is what it is.

Rin is barely seven years old, but he's read enough books and seen enough movies to come to his own conclusion, and he's decided that soulmates are the pinnacle of romanticism. Nothing comes close to the love shared between soulmates. Two people destined to be together, finally finding each other, sharing their first kiss and no longer feeling like a piece of them is missing.

There aren't any pieces missing from Rin. Sometimes, he really wishes there were. Maybe then how he's feeling would make sense.

Feeling like he’s different. Like there’s something wrong with him. Like no matter what he does, he’s just a background character in everyone else’s story, and there’s no one out there who really sees him.

It's really, really unfair.

Nanase Haruka has never cared much about the whole soulmate business.

He was born with a mark, like so many people are. It's small, just at the center of his back—just out of reach, in just the wrong spot to be able to make out what it says when he cranes his head around his shoulder to look in the mirror.

He likes it that way.

Soulmates are a pain, he thinks. He's not interested in being tied to another person, but even more than that—it feels like his future has already been decided for him, from the moment he was born. Haruka hates that. He'd rather be free.

Makoto is the first to say something about it. Their mothers had really hit it off, being neighbors with children the same age and all, and thought it would be cute to take their boys out to the beach together.

"Haru-chan!" Makoto gasps, his little hands coming up to cover his mouth. "You have words on your back!"

"Now now, Makoto, it's not nice to stare," his mother says.

Haruka frowns. He knows what it means when there's something written on your skin. His grandmother had told him the stories, because he's seven years old now, and it was time he learned more about the real world, she said. She thinks it's a lovely thing, having a soul mark; Haruka was sure he'd been lucky enough to avoid it.

"What does this kanji say?" Makoto says, dragging his mother by the hand and pointing eagerly at Haruka's back.

"Don't point, Makoto," his mother scolds him gently. "It says—"

"I don't care what it says," Haruka grumbles.

Haruka's mother hides a smile, shaking her head affectionately.

"Okay," Makoto says, already moving on to more important matters. "Wanna go swimming?"

Makoto never brought it up again after that, which Haruka always appreciated.

Soulmates are stupid, anyway.

Rin throws himself onto the tile floor, his heart pounding and his breath coming out in gasps.

He lost the race, but he's never been so excited in his life.

He looks up at the boy climbing out of the pool in the next lane over. He won by a landslide, even set a new tournament record—but he doesn't seem happy about it. Or sad. Or anything, really. He just pulls off his swim cap, and shakes his wet hair out, his eyes trained on the floor.

"You're fast!" Rin gasps, sitting up straighter.

The boy just looks at him, his eyes impossibly blue, and entirely bored.

Rin scrambles to his feet. "That was amazing! You're from Iwatobi Swim Club, right? I'm from Sano!" He leans in, his smile growing wider. "That was so much fun! I want to swim together again!"

The boy's eyes go wide for a moment, but he only looks down at the floor again, his hand tightening around the swim cap in his grip.

"Rin!"

Rin turns to see his mother and sister waving at him from the bleachers, their smiles wide. He matches their grins, waving back with both hands.

When he turns back around, the other boy is gone.

Nanase Haruka. That's the name of the really fast boy from Iwatobi.

(Rin might have begged his mother to let him transfer to Iwatobi, just so he could find out.)

The thing about swimming, unfortunately, is that everyone can see everything.

It's not unusual to not have a soul mark, Rin reminds himself. Still, he makes a point of letting anyone and everyone know that he definitely has one, you just can't see it under his swimsuit, and no he's not going to show it to you, you weirdo.

He's eleven years old, and people are starting to care about that sort of thing.

"Man, I'm so jealous!" one of the boys on their team groans. "Nanase's mark is so cool."

Rin's stomach drops. He's not really sure why.

"Right? I mean, look at mine. So cheesy. Bleh."

He pulls himself up out of the pool, joining Nanase where he's waiting his turn behind the starting block. Nanase's eyes are focused intently on the water, his fingers twitching as he anxiously anticipates his next chance to dive in.

It's kind of charming.

"Yo, Nanase!" Rin leans on his shoulder dramatically. He feels Nanase stiffen at his touch, but he doesn't pull away, which Rin counts as a small victory. "Man, isn't it great we're in the same club now? We're gonna get to swim together even more!"

Nanase mumbles something under his breath.

"What's that?" Rin leans in, grinning impishly at the blush rising on Nanase's cheeks. "Did I hear you say, 'I'm so happy'?"

"I said," Nanase raises his voice, "you're heavy."

Rin frowns.

Nanase shrugs him off at last, pulling his goggles onto his face. He steps onto the starting block without another word.

It's then that Rin notices it: a mark on the small of Nanase's back.

You're fast!

Rin snorts. Nanase probably hears that about a thousand times a day.

(Something icy cold creeps around Rin's heart as he studies the mark, before Haruka takes his dive.)

Nanase has a soulmate, and I don't.

Matsuoka Rin is exactly the kind of person Haruka hates. He's loud, touchy, emotional, smiles and laughs way too much, and he's always going on about things like swimming faster and breaking records and competing on the world stage someday.

When Matsuoka leans on his shoulder, Haruka can only describe his feelings as angry. He's angry that Matsuoka is always hanging around him. And he's angry at himself for letting it happen. Letting it continue to happen. But most of all, he's angry at that weird funny feeling that bubbles up in his stomach when Matsuoka leans close, saying things in his ear like race me and swim a relay with me and I want to swim like you.

He gets so angry, his face feels hot and turns red.

Stupid.

His pencil lead breaks again.

"Ugh," Haruka sighs, reaching for his pencil case.

"Here, borrow mine!"

Matsuoka is already nudging his pencil case onto Haruka's desk.

Haruka scowls, but reaches for it anyway. It's bright red, and shaped like a shark, with a goofy cartoon face. It's exactly the kind of thing Haruka likes.

(He hates that.)

"Ah, I'm so excited for swim club today," Matsuoka sighs, making pointless conversation as usual. "I can't wait to show off my butterfly!"

"I only swim free," Haruka mutters, because Matsuoka is clearly fishing for a response, and he doesn't know what else to say.

(Why did he even bother answering?)

"Yeah, yeah," Rin waves a hand. "You still have to at least try to learn the other strokes."

That makes Haruka really angry. "I already know how to swim the other strokes," he bites, finally turning to look at Matsuoka. "But I only swim free."

Matsuoka smiles that impish grin of his that makes Haruka's stomach do that weird funny thing. "Sure."

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Haruka takes a new pencil from Matsuoka's stupid little shark shaped pencil case, and has no intention of giving it back.

He gives in to Matsuoka—to Rin —because he always does. Rin is simply a force of nature, and Haruka is powerless to resist him.

That's what he tells himself, anyway. It must be true, because he definitely isn't swimming the relay because he wants to.

Except—

"Haru!"

Haruka sees his friends waiting at the end of the lane, and—he gets it now.

They pull him out of the pool, and he gets it now.

Rin throws his arm around Haruka's shoulder, and he gets it now.

The camera flashes for their group photo, and as Rin presses his body closer to his, Haruka wonders for the first time if this is how it would feel to meet his soulmate.

It turns out, Rin doesn't need a soulmate.

The relay ruined him. That's what he decides. Everyone here in Australia is leagues ahead of him, and Rin is still clinging to something silly like the power of friendship, or whatever. It's obvious: other people just hold him back. That's why he doesn't have a soulmate. He's better off without one.

(Rin thinks about Haruka's body diving effortlessly above his head, thinks about Haruka's wide sparkly blue blue blue eyes when he sees the scoreboard, thinks about his arm around Haruka's shoulders as they take a group photo, huddled close together, and cries himself to sleep.)

Haruka quits the swim club.

The image of Rin on his knees beside the pool, tears streaming down his face, lives at the forefront of his mind for three entire years.

I'm done. I quit swimming.

If this is what it means to be a prodigy, Haruka would rather be ordinary. His talents aren't some amazing, inspiring thing—he hurts people, makes them give up on their dreams rather than strive harder to achieve them.

Rin's last words to him are like a knife to his chest every time he hears them echo in his mind.

I'm done.

I quit swimming.

I'm done.

I'm done.

"I'm done, too," Haruka murmurs at the ceiling. He sinks deeper into the bath water, hoping it swallows him whole.

"No way! You lost your soul mark already?"

Some of the girls in Rin’s class are chattering excitedly in the corner of the classroom, crowding around a sporty blonde girl whose name is probably Annie, he’s pretty sure.

Annie (or maybe it was Angie) rolls up the sleeve of her uniform proudly, showing off bare skin where something must have been before. "Met him over winter break," she grins. "Nearly kissed him on the spot, but he said he wanted to take things slow."

"A perfect gentleman," one of her friends coos.

"Nah," Annie (Angie?) flashes her teeth. "We were in the back of his dad's car an hour later, if you know what I mean."

"Wait, can he drive?"

"That's not the point!"

Rin frowns, hunching further over his notebook as he pretends to finish his vocabulary homework, desperately tuning out their voices.

He's fourteen years old. He's never kissed anyone. And he doesn't have a soulmate.

It's unfair.

Rin comes back to Japan, but he isn't Rin. Not really. The boy who used to smile and laugh and hang onto Haruka's shoulder is now bitter and closed off, with a permanent scowl set on his face.

I did that, Haruka thinks. I ruined him.

It's my fault.

Haruka can hardly stand to look at him.

But he can't help but follow Rin into the pool, when Rin insists on a race—Rin might be all sharp teeth and knitted eyebrows and biting remarks, but he still has that magnetic pull, that charisma or something that compels Haruka to go along with whatever he says.

Deep down, he is still Rin.

And Rin is swimming again.

So maybe Haruka can fix his mistakes. Maybe he can finally be at peace, be free, if he just helps Rin find his way back to his dream. Maybe then Haruka wouldn't hate himself so much. Maybe then he can move on. Forget about Rin, forget about that feeling that creeps into his stomach when he thinks of him, that feeling that now twists into something awful and makes him wretch and curl in on himself when he wakes up gasping Rin's name in the middle of the night.

(When Rin finally does win against him, proudly exclaiming that they'll never swim together again, Haruka hates himself even more.)

Ryugazaki's words ring in his ears.

"How do you feel about Haruka-senpai?"

Rin snorts, rolling onto his back. What kind of question is that?

Haruka has always been his inspiration—no, his driving force. A goal to achieve, and eventually surpass. But that's all. Nothing sappy or sentimental about it.

And Haru quit swimming. Because of me.

He doesn't know what to make of that, other than that it makes him feel sick.

His whole body flushes, and he feels like he’s breaking out in hives. On some level, he knows it’s all in his head—it’s just a psychosomatic symptom of an anxiety attack, is all. And everyone gets anxiety attacks sometimes. It’s normal, it’s fine. He’s an athlete. He knows his body. He knows it’s fine. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again, probably on another night just like this one at 2:47 AM when he’s spending way too much time thinking about Nanase Haruka and his beautiful sinuous fluid effortless front crawl.

It itches, it fucking itches.

Rin scratches at the back of his hand until it’s red and raw, calming the itch as much as he’s calming the nerves twisting in his stomach. He pauses when the itching turns to burning turns to numb, inspecting his hand with a furrowed brow. He broke the skin in one spot, a little cut of red just next to a freckle somewhere below his knuckles. He wonders if the cut will turn into another freckle. He wonders if this is how the freckle got there in the first place.

He tsks at himself, rolling back onto his side and cocooning himself tightly under the bedcovers. He’s got to shake this. One more race against those guys—against Haruka—and he can finally move on.

Haruka doesn't know how he knew where to find Rin—he just knew.

The cherry blossom tree, the one that looks so much like that cherry blossom tree. The same branches reaching tall and proud towards the sky, the same three words written on the ground below.

And that’s just where Rin returns to. Because it's Rin.

He clutches the fabric of Haruka's jacket, tears falling onto Haruka's face, and it's Rin.

He tackles Haruka with a hug at the side of the pool, crying into his shoulder, and it's Rin.

Haruka doesn't need anything else, he quietly decides. Rin is back, and that's all that matters.

(It doesn't matter that Rin's hand trails across Haruka's skin as he releases him from the hug, and the mark on Haruka's back feels like it's burning.)

The one problem with Rin being back, of course, is that Rin is Rin.

You still think no one can beat you in the water, don't you?

Swimming with Rin is nothing short of exhilarating. He feels it the moment they both hit the water—all the other competitors around them disappear, and there's no one else in the pool, no one else in the whole entire world, except for Haruka and Rin.

Haruka feels the closest to Rin he ever has in moments like these; something about being in the pool together feels special, intimate even, like their hearts are connected through the water, beating as one. It's the kind of thing that Haruka might wax poetic about in his head, but would never dare to admit out loud. He thinks he'd be content to float alongside Rin, just the two of them, letting the words he can't give voice to be carried by the water between them.

Unfortunately for Haruka, when Rin is in the water, he likes to move.

I'm gonna make that cold expression of yours heat up.

Haruka doesn't care about winning. He doesn't. But when Rin pulls ahead of him in the first lap, he's immediately drawn closer to him like a magnet, putting everything he has into closing the gap. His muscles are screaming, his every breath burning in his lungs. Just barely ahead of him, inching ever nearer, Haruka catches a glimpse of Rin's face mid-stroke—he's smiling.

See? You're all fired up now.

No, it doesn't matter to Haruka whether he wins. It just matters that he doesn't lose. Especially not to Rin.

It's all Rin's fault, really. If he wasn't pulling against Haruka's heart so damn much, then maybe Haruka wouldn't have to chase him.

"You must've heard that all the time growing up, huh?"

Haruka pauses his brushing, turning to look at Rin curiously with the toothbrush still sticking out of his mouth. It's cute, Rin thinks.

Not that he has any right to be thinking that.

"Your—the mark, I mean." Rin stutters. "You know."

Haruka stiffens—Rin instantly regrets saying it. His skin prickles, and he panics. He wonders if he's stupidly erased all the progress they've made on this insane, whirlwind trip to Australia. Haruka had finally found his footing on the path to his future—of course Rin would somehow fuck it up by running his mouth.

"Never mind," Rin mumbles, rolling to the other side of the bed. "Sorry. I guess that's kind of personal."

He probably didn't ruin anything. He's just being an idiot. He's getting better at controlling that nagging self-doubt that lives in his head, these days.

(But still.)

"I don't know."

"Hm?" Rin hums at the wall.

He hears the water running for a moment—some clattering in the bathroom—and Haruka speaks again, carefully. "I… don't know what it says."

"Huh?!" Rin sits up, turning to look at Haruka incredulously.

The towel slips from Haruka's head onto his bare shoulders as he looks down, studying the floor. "I can't see it. So I don't know what it says."

Rin raises his eyebrows. "You never… I don't know," he laughs weakly, "asked someone?"

Haruka picks up the towel, rubbing at his hair. It looks cute all mussed up and damp like this, and Rin hates himself for thinking it, because he's seen Haruka towel off his wet hair a hundred thousand times by now, and he still thinks it's so goddamn endearing that he could scream out loud.

"I…" Haruka mumbles, "never cared about that sort of thing."

Well, that makes sense. Of course Haruka doesn't care about having a soulmate. He's never cared about anything except water, or mackerel, or those stupid ugly-cute mascots he's always obsessing over. He'd sooner marry a pool than any human being, soulmate or not.

Rin has no right to feel disappointed.

"Have you ever…" he starts, against his will, "don't you… do you at least want to know what it says?"

Haruka looks up with an unreadable glimmer in his eyes. "You… want to tell me?"

That look is enough to make Rin's brain short-circuit. "Only—" he says, "only if you want to know."

Haruka crosses into the room, gingerly sitting on the bed. His eyes are wider, and bluer, and he's still not wearing a shirt, and his sleep pants are a little loose around his hips, and— "Rin," he says, his voice barely above a whisper as he leans closer, "can you read it out loud to me?"

Rin is almost certain he can feel his face heating up, now, and mentally decides to blame it on the steam wafting in from the bathroom. He hates himself a little for offering, because god did he ever want to be the one who put those words on Haruka's back, but he's not, and it hurts but he just needs to say them out loud because not saying them would hurt even more.

(Plus, Haruka's hair is still mussed up in that adorable way, and he's still not wearing a shirt, and he smells really nice after his shower, and his eyes are so blue.)

"Yeah," he murmurs.

Haruka turns his back to Rin.

"I—" Rin laughs nervously upon seeing the words again. "It's not that long, it's not like I forgot what it says." He could never forget what it says—he's read those words a thousand times, quietly agonized over them as he was forced to confront them in every joint practice, wondering if the person those words belong to had entered Haruka's life yet.

"Read it," Haruka says.

Rin inhales. Haruka's skin is so smooth, still a little damp, warmed by the soft lamp light of the hotel room. He's entranced, can't help himself from reaching out and touching, running a finger carefully from between Haruka's shoulder blades down to the characters etched just above his hips.

"You're fast."

Haruka tightens his grip on the bed, twisting the covers in his hands.

Rin realizes that his fingers are still lingering on the mark on Haruka's back—he pulls his hand away as if he's been burned.

"…hurts…"

Rin tenses.

"It hurts when you touch it," Haruka murmurs.

Damn it, he's gone and fucked things up again. "Sorry," Rin croaks. "I—I didn't know it would."

Haruka shakes his head. He's even more unreadable, with his back turned like this, and Rin wishes he could see his face. "It only—" he says, "it only hurts when you touch it."

Rin feels a crack starting to form right down the center of his heart. "Sorry," he says again. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

"I don't know why," Haruka says quietly. "It doesn't make sense."

Yeah. It doesn't.

"Maybe—" Rin chokes, "maybe it's because… I don't have a soulmate."

Haruka is quiet for a long moment, his fingers still digging into the bed at his sides. "Yeah," he finally says. "That's probably why."

University swim teams are… different.

It's not that Coach Tsukamoto is a bit of a hard-ass, insisting that there's no room for fun and games when there's swimming competitions to be training for. It's no different from the days leading up to high school competitions when Coach Sasabe would be taking videos and critiquing their form through a megaphone, really. It's just that it's like that all the time now.

(Haruka already decided that he doesn’t want to be ordinary, and that’s just the price he has to pay.)

It's not that he's in Tokyo now, either. The city might be big, and crowded, and noisy at night and a little intimidating—but pools are still pools, and water is still water.

No, the thing that's different about swim teams in university, is that everyone on the swim team is in university.

"Yo, Nanase."

Haruka doesn't mean to forget all his teammates' names—but it's a lot of names to remember, and everyone looks different when the caps and goggles come off, anyway. He's certain he's been introduced to this guy before, but decides he doesn't need to address him by name.

"Ah. Senpai." He knows he's older than him, at least.

"A few of us are going out to karaoke after practice," his senpai grins. "A couple of your first year buddies are coming too. How about it? There will be girls there!"

"Oh." Haruka blinks. He's not sure why that should entice him into going. "Thanks, but I'll have to pass this time."

"S'okay." His senpai claps him on the back. "You've got plenty of time. Maybe next time, yeah?"

"…Sure."

(Plenty of time for what, exactly?)

Haruka steps up to the starting block for his turn, and takes his dive—and the whole world falls away, because right at this moment, he knows Rin is swimming too.

It's that pull again. That pull that apparently crosses oceans and continents, because it's more than just a memory—it's happening. Rin might as well be in the lane next to him, he feels the way the water ripples the way that only Rin can move it, sees his face at the turn and feels the way Rin's heart speeds up as they push off the wall in tandem.

(Haruka wins this time, and he feels Rin's frustration and urge for a rematch, just before they both pull themselves out of the pool.)

"Nice one, Nanase!"

"Hey, was that a personal best?"

"You're fast!"

Haruka pauses, glancing around at his teammates. They're practicing with the women’s team for the first time today, and it's a little overwhelming. More names to learn, more faces to match to the names.

"Oh," he says, to none of them in particular. "Thanks."

One of the women surrounding him gasps, and he's struck with the immediate feeling that he's somehow said something wrong.

"Nanase-kun," she says, taking a step forward. "Is it you?"

Haruka blinks.

Somewhere on the edge of his vision, he notices a mark on her thigh.

Thanks, it reads.

Oh. Oh no.

"You should at least take her on one date," Asahi groans. "I mean, how are you gonna know for sure if she's your soulmate if you never even give her a chance?"

"She's not my soulmate," Haruka replies curtly. "And even if she was, I don't care."

"Jeez," Asahi says, raising his hands. "Don't let her hear you say that."

Haruka sighs. He knows he's being unnecessarily irritable about the whole thing, but it's, well, irritating. Ever since his senpai on the women's team—second year Mizuno Miyuki, or "Mimi-chan" according to her friends, much to Haruka's confusion—decided that she’s Haruka's soulmate, he has never heard the end of it.

"I mean, even her name has water in it. You don't think that's, like, a sign?"

"It's not an uncommon name," Haruka mumbles. "But fine. I'll give her a chance."

He doesn't want to give her a chance. But he supposes the least he can do is give her the courtesy of a first date and let her down easy.

They meet for coffee at a trendy café on a rare afternoon off. The coffee isn't quite as good as it was in Australia, when he shared a table with Rin, but Haruka doesn't mention that.

"Oh, Nanase-kun, I'm so excited!" Mizuno wraps her painted fingernails around her cup and leans forward, her shoulder-length black hair curling fashionably around her face. "I can't believe it happened while swimming, of all things! Tell me, how long have you been swimming?"

Swimming, at least, is something Haruka finds easy enough to talk about. On some level, he hopes that Mizuno finds the way he feels about water as strange and borderline unsettling as most people seem to, but to his disappointment, she finds it alarmingly endearing.

"Your first love was a waterfall? Oh, that's so cute," she says, and it's so genuine that Haruka has to laugh a little.

"Well, I was just a kid," he mutters.

"And what about now?" she asks, resting her head on one hand as she pushes away her empty cup of coffee. "Have you been in love since then?"

Haruka stiffens.

"Sorry," she says, smiling sheepishly. "I guess a first date is a little soon to be asking that sort of question." She stands, reaching out a hand. "Want to come shopping with me?"

Haruka follows her around town for an hour or so, watching her fawn over pretty things in windows and trying things on in mirrors and never actually buying anything. He wonders if Rin does this sort of thing with his sister, and how he puts up with it if he does.

"What about these ones?" Mizuno asks him, jingling the phone straps on a display stand.

"Oh," Haruka says, feigning interest. "Those are nice."

Mizuno frowns, and a few minutes later, Haruka belatedly realizes he's probably supposed to buy them a matching set. That seems like the sort of thing people do on dates—not that he's been on very many. Or any at all.

He wonders if Rin has ever been on a date. He's not sure if he wants to know the answer.

"Well, that's enough shopping for today," Mizuno sighs.

"Okay," Haruka says, doing his best to hide his relief. "I'll walk you home." That, at least, he knows he's supposed to do.

Thankfully, Mizuno lives nearby, and doesn't say much on the way back. Haruka wonders if he's offended her by not buying matching phone straps or not taking purikura or whatever it is you're supposed to do when you're on a date with a girl. He wonders if he even cares if he has.

Apparently he hasn't, because when they reach her apartment door, she turns to him and says with a shy smile, "I know this is only the first date, but you can kiss me if you like."

"Oh."

Haruka doesn't really want to kiss her. But if he does, and her soul mark doesn't disappear, then maybe he won't have to go through with this again.

(He doesn't want to think about what might happen if it does.)

He leans in, and gives her a short peck, just barely enough contact to count as a kiss. She giggles, and catches him before he can pull away, kissing him more fiercely on the lips. Haruka's eyes go wide, and his breath stops for a moment.

(He doesn’t like it very much, but it is his first real kiss, after all.)

"You don't have to be shy just because I'm your senpai," Mizuno smiles, her eyes twinkling with mirth. "It's cute though."

Haruka blinks at her, and looks away, heat creeping up his face. "Good night, Mizuno-senpai," he mutters.

Mizuno unlocks her door. "You can call me Miyuki," she says, before closing it behind her.

The next day at practice, Mizuno's mark is still on her leg. Haruka does his best not to show his relief.

After all, he's realized that he does, in fact, have an answer to her question.

Have you been in love since then?

(He has.)

(And he still is.)

Rin squints at his phone screen in the dark, silencing the alarm. He peeks over at Haruka on the other side of the car, just barely shaken from sleep and with the beginnings of an irritated scowl developing on his brow.

"Good nap?" Rin snickers.

Haruka rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, sitting up in the car seat. "I guess."

Rin laughs at the way Haruka's hair sticks up from the back of his head. "C'mon, sleepyhead," he says, rustling Haruka's hair further before he can think better of himself. "Let's get some air."

Haruka twists open a bottle of water, taking a long gulp before wiping his mouth. "Sure," he says, slowly blinking awake.

The night sky is mostly clear, the stars lighting up the wisps of remaining clouds into soft blue and purple. A warm breeze blows them along, disappearing into the illuminated horizon.

Rin watches the lights of the town behind them glittering off the water's surface. After such a whirlwind day, it makes him feel entirely at peace.

"What we did today," Rin laughs breathlessly, "was insane."

Haruka hides his own laugh behind his hand. "Do you regret it?"

"Not for a second," Rin grins.

"Mm." Haruka's smile settles into something soft. "Me too."

Rin chances a look over at Haruka—he's smiling for real, the light reflecting off his eyes, the breeze tickling the hair in front of his face.

Rin bites his lip, dipping his head and putting his hands in his pockets.

"I'm glad we got to see our friends swim," Haruka continues. The bottle of water in his hands crinkles a bit as he shifts his grip on it. "And I'm glad we got to spend time together, too. The two of us."

Rin swallows, his heart pounding in his ears. “Y—Yeah,” he stutters. "Like you said, it's—nice, to be able to talk about things we don't normally talk about."

"Mm."

Rin leans against the side of the car, watching the water's surface ripple with the breeze that blows through his hair. What's really nice, is getting to be alone with Haruka like this, getting to see that softer side of him that he so rarely shows to others—but Rin doesn't mention it.

"Rin," Haruka says quietly. "Let's get along well from now on."

"…Huh?" Rin's voice cracks. "What are you saying, suddenly?"

Haruka smiles wryly to himself. "Nevermind."

One of the best things about swimming at an international level is swimming with the international people.

Rin, strictly speaking, isn't actually international, but he's still training Over There while Haruka is training Over Here, which means that Haruka only gets to share the pool with him when it's time for a big competition that's important enough to warrant a 9 hour flight.

Thankfully, this one was important enough, and not only does he get to share the pool with Rin, but he also gets to share a meal with him, and share his teammates with him, and see how Rin talks to them, and hear how Rin laughs with them.

Swimming is still the best part, all things considered. But this part is also nice.

They break after dinner, and Rin says something about heading back to a hotel room or something or another, and it immediately strikes Haruka that this precious time spent with Rin is so incredibly limited.

"When are you leaving?" he asks.

"Tomorrow," Rin says with a half-hearted smile.

Soon. Too soon.

Don't go.

"Come over to my place," Haruka breathes, his chest tightening around his lungs.

Rin rubs the back of his neck—something he does when he's embarrassed, Haruka has learned. It's cute. Rin is cute.

It's unfair.

"I have to get up early for my flight," Rin grumbles, looking aside. "I wouldn't want to wake you."

It's a flimsy excuse, and they both know it. "I don't mind," Haruka says.

The night finds them in Haruka's apartment, spreading out a futon on the floor next to Haruka's bed. The apartment is hilariously small—the two put together take up enough space that they have to turn the table on its side and prop it up against the wall. Rin is in stitches over the whole thing, and his laughter is contagious.

"What if it falls over in the middle of the night?" he says, cracking up as he wiggles the table precariously perched against the wall.

"At least it'll fall on you," Haruka retorts, hiding his chuckle behind his hand.

"Hey!" Rin laughs. "Is that any way to treat a guest?"

"Hm." Haruka can't hide his smile any longer. "You can take the first bath to make up for it."

Rin snorts. "Award-winning Japanese hospitality." His smile softens. "Thanks, I'll do that."

"Wait." Haruka turns to rummage in his dresser, pulling out a t-shirt. "You can wear this to sleep."

Rin unfolds the t-shirt, inspecting it. "Huh," he says. "I thought for sure you would've given me that weird deep-sea fish guy again."

Haruka rolls his eyes. "Loosey-kun is in the wash." He had worn it the night before the competition—he probably wouldn't have been able to sleep, otherwise. "Besides, you don't want to sleep deeply like you're at the bottom of the sea," he says. "You have to get up early."

Rin's brow wrinkles. "That's true."

A long moment passes between them.

"…Gonna take that bath," Rin finally mutters.

He emerges from the bathroom several minutes later with his damp hair hanging in his face, sporting Haruka's souvenir t-shirt from the Sydney Aquarium.

It's like looking directly into the sun.

Haruka ducks his head, shuffling past Rin to take his own bath. He rinses off in a daze, and submerges himself in the hot water, staring unblinkingly at the tiled wall.

Rin.

Rin is here for less than twelve more hours, and Haruka is sitting alone in his bathtub.

…What is wrong with him?

Haruka has never bathed so quickly in his life. He brushes his teeth in a hurry, hastily dries off his hair, slaps some of that weird cream on his face because the obscene amounts of time spent in the pool has, ironically enough, started to dry out his skin. (Rin never seems to have a problem with that, Haruka thinks. He always looks perfect.)

When Haruka finally leaves the bathroom, Rin is curled up on his side in the futon, the blankets wrapped loosely around him. Haruka tiptoes around him, climbing into his own bed, laying down on his side facing him.

Rin.

Haruka tugs the covers tightly around himself, watching Rin's back rise and fall gently with his breaths.

"Rin," he whispers. "Are you asleep?"

Rin shifts under the covers. "No," he says into the pillow. "Still awake." His voice sounds sleepy—it's so cute.

Haruka studies the way Rin's hair falls around his ear, off his head, onto the pillow, exposing the nape of his neck, just above the collar of his t-shirt.

He wants.

"Rin," he says again, somehow even softer this time, "can I be selfish for a bit?"

"What's with that," Rin snorts. "It's your house. Be as selfish as you want."

Haruka pulls his blanket away, lowering himself onto Rin's futon.

"…Haru?" Rin turns his head curiously.

Haruka worms his way under the covers, pressing himself against Rin's back.

Rin freezes. "Wh— what are you—"

"Don't say anything," Haruka murmurs.

He hears Rin make a strange noise in the back of his throat, laying rigid as a board until finally, he relaxes.

Haruka rests his forehead against the nape of Rin's neck, closing his eyes. Rin. He's warm, and he smells like shampoo and chlorine and something else distinctly Rin-like. Haruka drapes his arm around Rin's middle, his hand hanging loosely against his stomach.

Rin takes a deep breath—his chest and his back expanding, contracting, Haruka can feel it—and takes Haruka's hand in his.

Haruka screws his eyes tightly shut. Just for this moment, he can pretend Rin is all his.

It hurts.

When Haruka stirs awake, the sun has barely touched the sky, and the t-shirt Rin borrowed is folded neatly on the side of the futon where Rin had been.

Rin is gone.

Haruka clutches the shirt in his fist, holding it against his face.

It hurts.

Swimming with Rin is something Haruka will never take for granted again.

It's been months since they've seen each other last, and when Rin finally arrives at the training facility, a big grin on his face and a baseball cap set firmly on his messy hair, it's all Haruka can do not to run to him and hug him right there.

Rin is here.

Instead, Haruka just stands there, hands clenched at his sides, staring at him like an idiot.

"Yo," Rin salutes, shifting the duffel bag on his shoulder. "Been a while."

Rin is here. Rin.

"Welcome back," Haruka says, the words feeling strange and unfamiliar in his dry throat.

Rin beams. "Yeah. I'm back."

Rin.

Haruka turns on his heel, heading briskly for the locker room.

"Haru!" Rin's footsteps hurry to catch up with him. "What the hell?"

"Let's race," Haruka says, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Rin.

Rin's eyes widen—and he grins. "Yeah. You bet." He leans an arm against Haruka's shoulder, and it's like something in the universe clicks softly into place.

Rin is here.

Haruka posts a new personal best in his time trials that day, and his coach doesn’t miss the effect that having Rin in the adjacent lane has on him.

“Someone’s in a good mood today.”

Haruka takes a long swig of water, toweling off his damp hair. “…Yes,” he says carefully.

Coach Azuma snorts. “It’s that Matsuoka kid, isn’t it.”

“I…”

“Haru!”

Rin attacks him from behind, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Haruka’s heart flips, and he can barely contain his smile.

“That was awesome,” Rin says, ruffling his hair with a grin. “C’mon, let’s practice our relay exchange.”

Coach Azuma notices the way Haruka lights up at the word relay, and sighs, shaking his head. “Go ahead,” he says. “You’ve done enough free already.”

(Haruka isn’t sure there’s such a thing as swimming “enough” free, but okay.)

He meets Rin at the starting block, where Rin claims his usual spot leaning against his shoulder. “Haaaru,” he grins devilishly, waggling his eyebrows and leaning in close. “You gonna show me your butterfly?”

Haruka pouts, turning his face away. “No.”

“Come on,” Rin whines, “it’ll be fun! We can switch places in the ree-laaay,” he sings. “Just for today though,” he adds quickly.

Damn it, Rin knows Haruka’s weak spots like no one else. “Fine,” he grumbles, fixing his goggles back onto his head. “But don’t laugh. I haven’t been practicing butterfly at all lately.”

“Heh,” Rin grins. “Okay, I’ll be nice.”

Haruka takes his dive, feeling hyper-aware of Rin’s presence at the starting block. He breaks the surface, and almost starts swimming the crawl before he remembers he’s supposed to be swimming butterfly. He hates that about swimming the other strokes—he has to think while he swims, and swimming is a time for feeling, not thinking.

And he’d really like some more room for feeling right now, because when he approaches the wall and sees Rin waiting for him on the starting block, poised for a dive and lips curled in a shark-toothed grin, he feels.

Rin!

Haruka is frozen in place as Rin sails above him, his dive perfect, breathtakingly fluid as he slices into the water. It’s a long moment before Haruka realizes he should probably get out of the pool to make room for him.

Rin swims the full 100 meters, his front crawl as powerful as ever, propelled by the strength of his kick. Haruka isn’t normally one to envy other people’s swimming, but he can’t help but admire how Rin feels the water in an entirely different way, and feels a twinge of longing.

Rin hits the wall, coming up for air with a loud gasp, tearing off his cap and goggles. He looks up at Haruka, catching his breath, his eyes wide. Haruka stares back, unsure of what to say.

“Haru…” Rin says between gasps.

Haruka reaches out a hand, and Rin takes it, hoisting himself up out of the pool. As soon as he’s found his footing, he collapses onto Haruka in a hug.

“Rin?”

The skin-to-skin contact is a lot for Haruka after being without it for so long, and his entire body feels like it’s on fire, the heat pooling somewhere between his stomach and his back. Oh.

“Your butterfly…” Rin breathes, taking Haruka by the shoulders to look him in the eye, “was beautiful.”

Haruka’s heart hammers in his chest, the heat in his body climbing up to the tips of his ears.

Coach Azuma blows a whistle. “Alright, that’s enough of the dramatics,” he groans. “Nanase, your butterfly needs work. Give me 10 laps and we’ll go from there.”

Rin releases Haruka’s shoulders with an awkward chuckle, and Haruka hangs his head. “Yes, coach.”

The heat doesn’t evaporate from Haruka’s body for two whole days.

Rin has to go back to Australia, because of course he does. It's unfair.

"Only for a couple weeks," he says, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Just to tie up some loose ends."

Haruka considers inviting him over again for one more night—and decides, with an embarrassed flush and turn of his head, that he can survive another few weeks. Rin will be back for good soon; surely Haruka can deal with not seeing him until then.

(The memory of the last time he invited Rin over, nearly half a year ago now, is enough to make his skin tingle.)

Instead, Haruka just nods. "Take care," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say.

Rin grins. "I'll be back in time for New Year's. You better not start slacking while I'm gone," he says, with that competitive edge that lights a fire beneath Haruka's feet.

"Of course not," Haruka quips, standing up straighter. "I have to beat you in a race when you get back, after all."

"Is that so?" Rin laughs, the grin on his face growing wider. "We'll see who the winner really is soon enough."

Haruka nods, the corners of his own mouth curling into a smile. "You're on."

When Rin's plane lands at the airport—and he finally gets some cell reception—the first thing he does is text Haruka.

I'm back.

It probably would've made more sense to text his mother first, but Rin's mind hasn't been making a whole lot of sense lately.

He gives her a call when he gets to baggage claim, watching the carousel spin round and round with bags that aren't his. "Hi mom," he says, watching another unfamiliar black suitcase pass him by. "I just landed."

"Oh, good!" his mother's voice crackles over the phone. "You're taking the night bus, right?"

"Yeah," he says, shifting his phone to one side when he spots his bag across the carousel.

"Great! We'll pick you up at the bus station tomorrow."

"Thanks mom," he says, grabbing his bag. "Looking forward to it."

Once he hangs up and gathers his luggage, he checks his phone again.

A new message from Haruka.

Welcome back

It's enough to send a thrill straight down Rin's spine.

He contemplates a reply as he makes his way to the bus station, boards the bus and finds his seat. Should he reply? Haruka isn't exactly a world-class texter, and certainly isn't sitting by his phone waiting for another message from Rin—but.

Getting on the night bus back to Tottori, Rin types out. Gonna be a long night.

It's several long minutes before a response comes in.

Pillow

Rin stares at the screen, narrowing his eyes. What the fuck is he trying to say? He pockets his phone with a huff, crossing his arms and leaning against the window. He's exhausted from a long day of traveling, but he doesn't expect to get much sleep on the bus.

He reclines his seat and closes his eyes as the bus starts up and pulls away from the station.

Nearly an hour passes, and Rin is still wide awake. The bus seat is not comfortable. It's going to be a long night, especially without his—

Rin’s heart squeezes.

For fuck's sake.

He pulls out his phone, squinting at the screen and quickly turning the brightness down to the lowest possible setting. I had it shipped with the rest of my room stuff, he types. Regretting it.

Rin squints at his phone for a long time, scrolling through his apps in the hopes that Haruka will respond again. It's getting late, and he's probably asleep, or doesn't have anything to say, or his phone died, or he can't be bothered to use his phone for more than five minutes a day, or something. Rin's eyes are starting to droop closed, despite his discomfort.

He must have dozed off at some point, because he blinks his eyes open and his phone is pressed between his cheek and the bus seat, the time on the screen about 40 minutes later than the last time Rin remembers looking at it. The LED light blinks steadily, indicating a new message.

Rin swipes it open, and inhales sharply when he sees Haruka's message.

See you soon

Rin arrives at Haruka's house a little bit earlier than Haruka is probably expecting him. He's weirdly nervous, bouncing on his feet on Haruka's doorstep, the small gift bag swaying in his hand. The cold weather certainly doesn't help his nerves, either, the winter sea breeze blowing straight through his bones and making him shiver.

He rings the doorbell, fully expecting to be ignored, but to his surprise, Haruka answers the door in less than a minute.

"Rin," Haruka says breathlessly.

He's wearing a dark blue chunky knit sweater, his thick wool socks peeking out from below his cuffed jeans. He looks comfortable and warm—cozy. Rin has to suppress the urge to hug him.

"Yo," he says instead. "Happy New Year." He holds up the little bag. "I brought you a souvenir."

"Happy New Year," Haruka says, taking the bag with a strange expression. "…What is it?"

"It's tea," Rin shrugs, desperately trying to sound casual. "There's this brand in Australia that I guess is pretty famous. Thought you might like it."

"Oh," Haruka says, taking the little tin out of the bag to inspect it. The label is all in English, but he squints at it anyway, as if he's trying to decipher it. Cute, Rin thinks. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Yeah," Rin says, clearing his throat. "Uh. You gonna let me in? It's cold out here."

"Ah." Haruka steps aside, letting Rin through the door, closing it behind him.

Rin glances around the quiet house. "Your parents didn't come home?"

"They left earlier this morning," Haruka says. "My dad has to be back at work again tomorrow."

"Oh." Rin isn't sure if he should be relieved or disappointed.

"I wanted to go out, anyway," Haruka says. "I want to go to the shrine together."

Rin swallows. "You didn't go with your parents on New Year's Day?"

Haruka purses his lips, looking aside. "Yeah, but I want to go with you, too."

Rin's heart swells, and he feels the tips of his ears heat up. "Ah," he says.

"Do you want to?"

"Sure," he says, maybe a little more high pitched than normal.

There are a few people milling about at the shrine, most of the neighborhood having made their first visits of the year by now. There's not much of a wait to make their offerings, and they do so quickly, throwing their coins and bowing their heads in unison.

"What did you wish for?" Rin teases, nudging Haruka with his elbow.

"…It's a secret," Haruka grumbles, turning his head away. "Come on, let's draw our fortunes."

Drawing fortunes, like most things between them, becomes something of a competition. Rin, naturally, is determined to pull the luckiest fortune he can, and hopes the gods are on his side this time.

Of course, the gods have a funny sense of humor.

Middle Blessing

Rin snorts. He skims the fortune slip, looking for anything interesting or relevant.

The person you're waiting for is late, but they will come.

Now is not a good time for traveling. It's best to stay at home.

Your efforts will bear fruit.

The promise of a wonderful love is right in front of your eyes.

"What the hell…" Rin murmurs, his cheeks flushing. "Haru, what did you get?"

Haruka studies his fortune slip. "Middle Blessing."

"Oh," Rin laughs. "We got the same thing. Once again, we're evenly matched, eh?"

Haruka frowns. "I'm drawing another one," he says, reaching for the box again.

"Don't draw another one!" Rin groans, grabbing his hand.

Haruka looks up at Rin, his eyes dancing with silent laughter.

"Oh come on," Rin laughs.

Haruka folds his fortune slip, stuffing it carefully in his inside coat pocket. Rin can't help but wonder what it might say— especially in the love column…

…Not that it's any of Rin's business, anyway.

"Rin," Haruka says suddenly, straightening up. "Come with me. There's something I want to show you."

"Huh?" Rin raises an eyebrow. "Uh, okay?"

Haruka leads him up another flight of stone stairs somewhere beyond the shrine, each step more precarious than the last. Rin is grateful there's no snow or ice on the ground right now—as much as it would've been nice to see.

He's got a lot more time to see his hometown covered in snow now, he realizes with a pleasant squeeze of his heart.

At the top of the steps there's a small clearing, surrounded by trees and an aging wooden fence. Opposite the stairs, the trees part to give way to a view of the ocean.

"Whoa," Rin breathes, running to the fence to look out over the cliffside. "We're so high up!" he grins.

Haruka leans on the fence beside him. "A sight you've never seen before?" he smirks.

"Definitely." Rin doesn't even have the frame of mind to be offended by Haruka's teasing. "Look, you can see the sand dunes from here!"

Haruka's smirk softens into a smile. "I used to come up here to watch the sunrise with my parents as a kid," he says. "It's nice to see it lighting up the ocean."

"Wow," Rin laughs. He believes it—seeing the water shimmering with the first light of the new year must be an incredible sight. Water-obsessed freak or not. "I had no idea this spot was even here," he says wistfully.

"Mm," Haruka nods. "Actually, I'm surprised there's no one else up here now."

"Probably because it's fucking freezing," Rin says, grimacing as he draws his arms into his body.

Haruka rolls his eyes. "It's not that cold. You just never dress warm enough."

"It's summer in Australia!" Rin pouts. "I'm just not used to it yet. I mean, I was swimming at the beach a few days ago."

"Here." Haruka reaches into his coat pocket, unraveling a thin, burgundy scarf.

Rin blinks. "You brought me a scarf?"

Haruka nods. "I had a feeling you'd be cold." He reaches up to loop it around the back of Rin's neck—Rin stops breathing for a moment. Haruka wraps it around him slowly, his eyes trained carefully somewhere just below Rin's face. Close. There's a slight crease in his eyebrows, and the biting cold has colored his nose and cheeks a faint shade of pink.

(Rin is sure he looks the same—but it's not entirely from the cold.)

"There."

Haruka steps away, releasing the scarf.

Rin buries his face in the scarf up to his nose, relishing in the instant relief it brings him from the cold. It's soft and warm, and smells like salt water and musk.

Haru's scarf.

"…Thanks," Rin murmurs, feeling his heart do backflips in his chest.

"The color suits you."

Rin shoves his hands in his coat pockets, burrowing his face deeper.

"Actually," Haruka says softly, "there's another reason I brought you here." He tips his head up to look Rin in the eye. "There's… something I wanted to talk to you about."

Rin raises his face a little out of the scarf. His stomach ties itself in knots with anxiety at Haruka's words. "What—what is it?" his voice cracks. Great. He tries not to feel the way the knots in his stomach tighten with every passing second. This moment feels Important, and he can't tell if it's a Good Important or a Bad Important, and the anticipation is already tearing him apart.

"Rin," Haruka starts. "I… my whole life, it always felt like… everyone had these expectations of me. Of my future. And I always hated that. You know."

Rin nods. He knows. He knew how broken Haruka was under all the pressure—more than anyone else did.

"But," Haruka continues, "you were the one who showed me… that I can choose my own path. Find my own way, my own dream." He takes a deep breath, standing up straighter. "Rin," he says, his eyes shining, "it's because of you that I can do that. Thank you."

Rin grins behind the scarf. "Yeah," he says. "You—you've always inspired me, so. I'm just, I'm glad I was able to inspire you, too."

Haruka smiles softly.

Rin fidgets with his hands in his pockets, warmth blooming in his chest. He's so, so proud of how far Haruka has come, and it's thrilling and humbling to think that he's the reason for it. He couldn't possibly take all the credit; surely Haruka has had encouragement and support from all of his friends. But, when Rin really thinks back on it…

Haruka's smile fades into a more serious expression. "There's more."

"Huh?"

Haruka chews his lip. "Rin, I—" he glances away for a moment, then turns to Rin with more determination. "There's something else that I want to decide for myself, too."

Rin blinks. "Yeah?"

"Because… I don't think I could ever be happy doing what others want me to do."

"O…okay…?" Rin's heart skips several beats.

"And I want to be happy," Haruka says. "I used to never want anything. But you showed me… you showed me the world. There's a whole world out there, and I never even thought to look up and see it, until you showed me. And—" Haruka swallows. "I want you to… keep showing that sight to me."

At some point during Haruka's speech, Rin had forgotten to keep breathing. He draws in a ragged breath, turning over Haruka's words in his mind. "You…"

"I love you, Rin."

A strong gust of wind blows into Rin's face, throwing back his hair and pressing the scarf against his face. He squints his eyes shut against the biting cold air, half expecting to be waking up from a dream when he opens them again.

Haruka is still standing there.

"What—" Rin chokes. "You— seriously?"

"I don't care about finding my soulmate," Haruka says, taking a step forward. "I never cared about that sort of thing. I want to decide who to love for myself. And—it's you, Rin." Haruka pauses, something pained touching his eyes. "And—and maybe since—" he inhales— "since you don't have one, maybe it's okay that it's you."

"I—" Rin's face feels like ice, and he realizes that he's crying. "Idiot," he mutters, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve. "Of course—of course it's okay. Fuck," he sniffs, "Haru. I love you too."

Haruka's eyes widen. "Really?"

"Jeez," Rin huffs. "It wasn't obvious?"

"I don't know," Haruka says, completely genuine. "I—I didn't know what to think."

Rin shakes his head. "Idiot. I've probably been in love with you since like, the sixth grade."

Haruka takes another step forward. "Rin," he says softly, his eyes glimmering like Rin is the most beautiful pool in the world. "I really want to kiss you."

Rin's heart swells in his chest, pumping warmth down to his fingertips. "Then kiss me," he says.

Haruka takes one last step closer to Rin, reaching a gloved hand up to his cheek. It's warm. Soft. Rin swallows a nervous giggle as Haruka moves his hand—the fuzzy material of the glove tickles his skin.

Another cold breeze blows at them, whipping the stray locks of Haruka's hair peeking out of his hat in every direction. He squints, and it's the cutest thing that Rin has ever seen. His cheeks are so pink, Rin thinks. His eyes are so blue.

"Haru," Rin breathes, reaching to move Haruka's hair back in place.

Haruka tugs at the edge of Rin's scarf, pulling it under his chin, and leans in.

His lips are cold, and he doesn't move them, like he's waiting for Rin to push him away—instead, Rin wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. Haruka gasps softly, slotting their lips together, the cold tip of his nose brushing against Rin's cheek. Rin can't help but let that giggle bubble up out of his chest, smiling against Haruka's lips.

Haruka pulls away—just barely. "Why are you laughing?"

Rin smiles weakly, resting his forehead against Haruka's. "Nothing. Happy. Nervous. I don't know. It's fucking cold out, ugh." He pokes Haruka's cheek with the cold tip of his own nose.

Haruka huffs, smiling back. "Come back to my house," he says softly. "I'll make us something warm to drink."

They're past the threshold for all of five seconds before Rin's lips are on his again, his hands on his back and his waist and pulling him close close close. Haruka sighs, letting Rin corner him against the wall, feeling his toes and fingertips defrost as Rin moves his mouth against his. He nibbles playfully at Rin's lower lip—Rin gasps softly, and Haruka is melting.

"Haru," Rin breathes, dropping his head onto Haruka's shoulder, "god, I'm so happy."

"Mm." Haruka clutches the fabric of Rin's coat against his back with his still-gloved hands. "Take off your coat. Come inside."

"Tch," Rin clicks his tongue. "I'm trying to tell you how I feel, here."

"I know." Haruka—reluctantly—releases him. "We can do that inside where it's warm."

Rin rolls his eyes, hanging up his coat and lining up his shoes before following Haruka into the living room.

Haruka focuses himself on making tea for them both, feeling as if his feet aren't quite touching the ground. He idly runs his thumb over the pattern on the teacups as the water heats up. Cherry blossoms. It always seems to be cherry blossoms when it comes to Rin.

Rin.

Rin is here.

He turns the tin of Australian tea over in his hand—opens the cap, sniffs it, and closes it again. It's a fruity, summery aroma that reminds him of the beach. But today feels more like a roasted green tea kind of day.

(There will be plenty of time to share the tea with Rin in the future, he decides with a small smile.)

Haruka brings the tea out to the kotatsu, where Rin is already wrapped up under the blanket, looking content as a cat sitting in the sun. When he sees Haruka, he grins.

Rin is here. And he loves me.

"Thanks," Rin says, taking his cup. "Ahh, nice and warm!" he sighs, pressing the side of the cup against his face.

"You're supposed to drink it," Haruka says, taking his own cup and sitting down on the opposite side of the table.

Rin rolls his eyes, taking a sip. "Mm. Japanese tea is nice once in a while."

"You'll be drinking a lot more of it," Haruka says into his cup, "now that you're back in Japan."

"…Yeah," Rin says quietly, smiling as he takes another sip.

Haruka regrets sitting on the other side of the table—Rin is too far away, he realizes, as he slowly finishes his cup of tea. He rises to his feet, walking past him into the kitchen. "Come help make lunch," he says. "I want to make udon."

"Beef udon for me, please," Rin sing-songs, following Haruka into the kitchen.

"I don't have beef," Haruka says.

Rin scoffs in mock offense. "I'm guessing my only option is—"

"—mackerel."

Rin sighs, shaking his head with a smile. "I should've known."

They cook together with an excited, giddy mood hanging in the air, laughing and blushing whenever their hands brush or they get too close. Rin smiles with his teeth a lot, and when he smiles big, his eyes squint and his nose wrinkles. Haruka has never enjoyed cooking so much.

He makes a point of sitting next to Rin this time, when their soup is ready and they sit back down at the kotatsu.

Rin blushes, pretending to rub his nose with the back of his hand. "…'s a big table, y'know," he mutters.

Haruka can feel his own blush growing on his face, but inches closer anyway. "I want to sit with you."

Rin's smile grows, in that crooked, zigzag, disbelieving way. "Haru…"

"I want to kiss you," Haruka says quietly.

Rin's smile wobbles. "Ugh," he groans, "you don't have to say it out loud every time, you know."

"But I want to," Haruka says. "It's more fun that way."

"Seriously…" Rin murmurs, reaching a tentative hand to cup Haruka's cheek. His hands are warm, now, and Haruka's eyes close contentedly at his touch.

Rin's lips press against his, and Haruka hums lowly in the back of his throat. He reaches for the back of Rin's neck, tilting his head and pulling him in closer.

It's warm.

Rin's lips stutter, and he breaks the kiss, resting his head against Haruka's to catch his breath. "Haru…"

Ding

Haruka shrinks away from Rin. "Ah."

Rin pouts. Cute. "Who’s ringing your doorbell now?"

Haruka chuckles softly. "Guess."

"Hi, Haru!" Makoto grins, holding up a box of mandarins. "Happy New Year! These are from my mom."

"Oh. Thanks." Haruka takes the box from him. "Happy New Year."

"And this is from me." He hands Haruka a small plastic packet with a light blue embroidered omamori inside.

Victory, it reads in gold thread.

"Thanks," Haruka says. "I'll put it on my swim bag."

Makoto chuckles. "Wait, take it out of the package."

Haruka raises an eyebrow, opening up the plastic to pull it out—and gasps. "This is—!"

"They had a limited number of Iwatobi-chan themed charms this year," Makoto smiles. "I guess they must have sold out by morning on the 1st. I can't believe how popular he's gotten!"

Haruka turns the charm over in his hand, admiring the Iwatobi-chan face embroidered in gold thread on the other side. "Thank you," he says again, running his thumb over Iwatobi-chan's face reverently. "Iwatobi-chan will lead me to certain victory on the world stage."

Makoto laughs.

"Haruuu, the soup is gonna get—Makoto!"

Rin rounds the corner, hurrying for the door with a huge grin. "Yo! Happy New Year!" He claps Makoto on the shoulder. "Man, you look bigger since the last time I saw you," he laughs. "Leave some muscle for the rest of us."

"Happy New Year," Makoto laughs back. "I didn't know you'd be here!"

"Ah," Rin says, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. Cute, Haruka thinks. "Haru and I went to the shrine earlier, we just came back to get warm."

"We made udon," Haruka adds. "Do you want some?"

Makoto lights up. "Sure," he says. "I could go for something warm."

Haruka sits between them, watching them talk and laugh back and forth, smiling to himself as he eats. It's nice having everyone together, seeing how they act with each other—Makoto laughs more openly at Rin's jokes; Rin's smile is more pure, the set of his brow more relaxed, with less of that teasing hint of competitiveness Haruka has come to expect from him. He likes seeing these other sides of them, he decides, his best friend and his—

his—

—is Rin my boyfriend?

Haruka's heart feels too big for his chest, right now.

"—and he finally did it! I swear, I wanted to cry," Makoto laughs. "Seeing kids realize how fun swimming can be… it kinda reminded me of back then."

"You sound like Rin," Haruka smirks.

"Hey," Rin says, kicking Haruka's foot under the table with a sly grin.

Haruka nudges him back, biting his lip against a smile.

"He's kinda right, though," Makoto snickers. "It was always Rin saying that kind of thing, huh?"

"Mm," Haruka agrees. "And Rin is always the one who starts crying first."

"Seriously," Rin groans, laughing and nudging Haruka again. "You guys are mean!"

Makoto laughs. "It's nice to get together again like this, though," he says, smiling wistfully. "Feels like it's been ages…"

"Yeah," Rin smiles softly. "It's good to be home."

Haruka wraps his hand tightly around his teacup, his heart growing even bigger in his chest.

Makoto picks at the discarded mandarin peels on the table. "It'll be fun when we're all back in Tokyo," he smiles. "I wonder how many people we can fit in Haru's apartment this time."

"Don't invite people over to someone else's house," Haruka frowns.

"I'm joking!"

"Hey, maybe I'll host," Rin laughs. "Since I'll actually have a place to do that. It might be fun."

"Yeah!" Makoto beams. "Ahh, it's so exciting!"

Haruka hides his face behind his cup, taking a sip.

"Haruuu," Rin smirks, poking his cheek. "You're smiling."

"Am not." Haruka frowns deeply.

"You totally were," Rin grins.

He's too close, Haruka thinks. I want to kiss him.

"Shut up," he grumbles, silently praying that he's not blushing.

Makoto giggles. "Hm, well we'll have plenty of time to hang out once Rin is settled," he says, standing up to stretch himself out. "For now, I should probably get back home. My family is probably looking for me."

"See ya soon, Makoto," Rin says, standing up to throw an arm around his shoulder.

"I'll walk you out." Haruka pushes away from the table, rising to his feet to follow Makoto to the door.

Makoto puts his shoes on quietly, carefully. Haruka fidgets in the entryway—he thinks he knows what's coming.

"Haru."

Makoto turns around, giving Haruka a strange look. (There it is.) Haruka looks at him silently, urging him to continue.

"You seem…" Makoto starts, tapping his chin. "More relaxed. Happy, even. Did something good happen?"

Haruka looks down at Makoto's shoes. Remembers when they were kids, when Makoto couldn't tie them himself, and Haruka always tied them for him. Makoto can tie his own shoes now, and it gives Haruka a strange feeling. When did he stop tying Makoto's shoes? When did he start hiding things from his best friend?

"Haru."

"Why are you asking me that," Haruka mumbles, tapping his fingers together nervously at his sides, "like you don't already know?"

Makoto sighs a little, and chews his lip. "I think I have an idea," he says. "But I want to make sure. I don't want to just assume things about you anymore. That… tends to not end well."

Haruka recalls their disastrous first fight in high school. His first race against Wåhlander that left him shaken to his core. All the times that Makoto tried, and failed, to reach out and get through to him.

Every time, the one who knew how to pull him out of the darkness was Rin.

"That's true," Haruka says uncomfortably.

Makoto looks him over, his mouth settling into a small smile. "It's Rin, isn't it."

Haruka swallows.

Makoto huffs a laugh out of his nose. "You and Rin."

Haruka's fists clench at his sides, and he nods at Makoto's shoes.

"Even though he's—"

"I don't care about that." Haruka snaps his head up to look Makoto in the eye. His fingernails are digging hard into his palms. "He's Rin. That's all that matters."

"Haru…" Makoto's smile grows, and he lets out a surprised—relieved?—chuckle. "Honestly, I'm really happy for you. Happy for you both," he says, his eyes softening. "You and Rin… you have something really special between you two. Soulmates or not."

Haruka squints—he's not crying, he's not. "Thank—" he chokes, clearing his throat. "Thank you, Makoto."

He surprises himself—surprises them both—by leaning into Makoto, hugging him quickly but earnestly around his waist.

Makoto laughs. "You really have changed," he smiles. "I can't even remember the last time you hugged me."

"Shut up."

"Really. It's a good thing." He tugs on his jacket; his shoulders really have gotten broader, Haruka notices. "I should head home. Ran and Ren finished all the New Year's food already, and my mom's probably going to want help cooking."

"You'd be more of a help staying here instead," Haruka points out, the hint of a wry smile touching his face.

"Hey!" Makoto laughs. "You're probably right, though. At least I know how to make rice now. And stir, I can stir stuff." He zips up his jacket. "Well. I'm off."

Haruka nods. "Say hi to the twins for me."

"I will." Makoto grins. "Come over to see them before you head back to Tokyo. They miss you."

Haruka nods, the smile settling on his face. "Yeah."

The door shuts behind him, and Haruka is left with a strange feeling of warmth spreading down to his toes.

Haruka shuffles back into the living room, where Rin is peeling another mandarin with a look of utmost concentration.

"Hi," Rin says, without looking up, his brow furrowing as he attempts to peel the mandarin in one perfect piece. Cute.

"Makoto knows."

Rin pauses, and sets his fruit down. "You told him…?" he asks cautiously.

"He guessed," Haruka shrugs.

"Pft," Rin snorts. "I'll never understand you two. How do you even guess something like that?"

"You know you don't do a very good job of hiding it," Haruka says matter-of-factly.

"Oi," Rin frowns.

Haruka crosses over to Rin's side of the table, sitting down beside him. He feels the air prickle around him—Rin grins, and it's like he's seeing sparks. "It's still a little early for dinner," he manages to say. "What do you want to do?"

"Honestly," Rin says, suppressing a yawn behind his hand, "I really want to take a nap. I'm beat."

Rin is so cute. Haruka's chest squeezes tightly around his heart; he can't help but allow himself a small smile. "Come up to my room?"

Rin stirs awake in Haruka's bed an hour later, with Haruka's arm wrapped around his chest from behind. Immediately, his heart leaps into action.

"Haru?"

"Mn." Haruka tightens his arm around Rin. "Sleepy," he says into the back of Rin's neck.

Rin chuckles, his heart swelling in his chest. "It's almost five," he says, glancing at the clock. "Do you want to start dinner soon?"

"Five more minutes," Haruka murmurs, placing a soft kiss on Rin's nape.

"Mhm." Rin can't argue with that. He's trapped in Haruka's grasp anyway—not that he minds. He threads his fingers between Haruka's against his chest, bringing their hands to his lips to kiss Haruka's knuckles.

He can hear Haruka's breath stutter at that, and it makes his own heart flip.

Haruka starts idly playing with Rin's hand, rubbing his thumb along the back, stroking his palm between intertwining and releasing Rin's fingers. It's enough to make Rin's heart pound in his chest, almost certainly loud enough for Haruka to hear it.

He watches their hands play, feeling the most thoroughly content he's ever felt in his life. He squeezes Haruka’s hand back, a giddy feeling bubbling in his chest.

It's only when Haruka strokes the back of his hand again that he notices something is different.

"Huh," he says, furrowing his brow.

"Hm?" Rin feels Haruka's chin rest against his shoulder.

"Nothing," says Rin. "I used to have this freckle on the back of my hand. But I guess it's not there anymore." He pauses. "Do freckles go away in the winter?"

Haruka pauses. "What?"

Rin shrugs. "I guess it's not unusual for birthmarks to disappear sometimes."

Haruka freezes.

The shift in Haruka's demeanor sets off alarm bells in Rin's head. "Is something wrong…?" he asks, rolling over to face him.

Haruka abruptly sits up, a wild expression on his face.

"What is it?" Rin props himself up, anxiety starting to color his voice.

"Rin," Haruka says urgently, looking unsure for a moment. Then—he tears off his t-shirt.

"Ha— Haru?"

"Is it still there?"

Haruka turns, showing his back to Rin.

"Is—" Rin's eyes widen. He follows the expanse of Haruka's back, from his nape, between his shoulder blades, down his spine, to his hips—

Smooth, unmarked skin.

"Oh my god," Rin breathes.

Haruka spins around, looking desperately at Rin. "Is it?"

Rin inhales, breaks out into a watery smile. "It's—it's gone."

He's knocked onto his back by a tackle-hug, Haruka burying his face into his neck. His fingers twist into the fabric of Rin's shirt, clutching him tightly to his chest.

"Ha…Haru," Rin stutters. "I—"

"It's you," Haruka whispers against his skin. "It was you all along."

Rin holds Haruka close, kissing him on the top of his head. "Haru," he chokes. "I—I'm—"

Haruka pulls himself away to look at Rin, holding his face in both hands. "Rin—" He surges forward to kiss him, once, twice. "Rin—" three times.

Laughter bubbles out from Rin's chest, and he kisses Haruka back. "What the hell," he murmurs against Haruka's lips, his mouth trapped in a permanent grin. "I can't believe this."

"Do you remember—" Haruka kisses him again— "when we first met?"

"'Course I do," Rin murmurs. "We were kids in that tournament. You beat me by almost a whole second —" he laughs, realizing what he's saying. "And I said you were fast."

Haruka rests his forehead against Rin's, closing his eyes. "Then you said you wanted to swim together again. And—" he huffs out a little laugh. "I was so embarrassed that I ran away."

"That was the freckle?" Rin laughs.

"Technically, I didn't say any words."

"Seriously," Rin says. "I can't believe this." His brow wrinkles, and his throat starts to feel tight. "I always thought—that I didn't—and you—"

"I know," Haruka whispers, nuzzling his nose against Rin's. "I know. Don't cry."

"I can't help it, dumbass—" Rin cries, winding his arms around Haruka's waist and holding him tight. "I'm just happy. I don't know. I love you. Damn it," he sniffs, "I love you so much."

"Me too," Haruka murmurs. "I love you too, Rin."

They eat sitting side-by-side again, which Rin thinks he could probably get used to. Haruka's ankle is hooked around his own, and he leans firmly against Rin when he reaches onto his plate to steal an extra bite of fish.

"Y'know what really makes me happy," Rin says, stealing a bite of pickled cucumber from Haruka’s plate in retaliation.

"You get to eat mackerel with me every day," Haruka deadpans, reaching for another bite of Rin's fish.

Rin laughs, swatting Haruka’s hand away. "No, you idiot. I mean," he swallows, setting down his chopsticks. "I mean… you thought we weren't soulmates. And you still—you still chose me, anyway."

Haruka sets his own chopsticks down. "Yeah," he says, his voice far away.

"Like," Rin sniffs, "shit, Haru, you really—you— me…?"

"Yeah," Haruka says again quietly. "Actually… it's probably a good thing we didn't know."

Rin wrinkles his brow. "Why?"

"…Remember how I ran away from you when we first met?"

Rin laughs. "I would've found you, anyway."

Haruka tilts his head to look up at Rin. "Because we're soulmates…?"

"No," Rin shakes his head, wrapping his arm around Haruka's shoulders. "Because I thought you were amazing, and I wanted to swim with you again, no matter what."

"…Rin."

"Hmm?"

Haruka narrows his eyes. "Did you really transfer schools and swim clubs just so you could swim with me?"

Rin groans, feeling his face heat up. "No comment."

"Because if you did," Haruka says, leaning in close to his face, "that's really romantic."

"Shut up," Rin grumbles, resting his forehead against Haruka's.

"You could make me," Haruka says, tucking a strand of Rin's hair away from his face.

"Oh yeah?" Rin smirks. "How?"

"Kiss me like you did when we walked in the door," Haruka whispers.

And that shuts both of them up for a while.