Chapter Text
"Now, both of you," she said and paused, meaningfully. "You have to understand that this is S-rank classified. This is the most classified thing you will ever know in your lifetime, do you understand? Even more than Naruto's status, even more than your other missions… this is it. If anyone ever finds out that Konoha was, however indirectly, involved in this incident –”
"Hokage-sama," I interrupted, "I don't... I was unconscious when Heijomaru carried me across the border. He brought me to a squad near the front lines." Tsunade focused on me with a flat, level stare.
My lips were dry. I didn't know for sure, but the risk was too high. I couldn’t – the fourth war wasn’t supposed to happen now.
"We know kumo-nin have been scouting our forces. We have to assume that they already know."
I looked down at my lap, unable to look either of them in the face. Sasuke held my arm in a white knuckled grip. He was an ANBU Captain. He had to know what I was about to say. Even if I didn't want to say it.
"I- even if I'm implicated in this. Konoha doesn't have to be. And -" my voice faltered, but I kept going, "and... according to the treaties between the five kage... a village cannot be held accountable for the actions of its missing-nin." With that damning statement, my mouth snapped shut.
The silence that followed was deafening.
Tsunade swore under her breath. It was the only option left to us that didn't lead to war, and she knew it.
"...Damn self-sacrificing brats. This is why I never wanted the hat in the first place."
-----A Few Months Later: Deidara-----
"Hey, brat!" Deidara smiled down from his bird, his eyes filled with manic glee. "How do you feel about art!?"
I stared back up at him, and focused on my chakra sense. Even if I hadn’t had foreknowledge of who he was…. a person’s chakra told you things about them. You might not know what everything means until you’ve actually seen them in action, but the way a person uses chakra leaves an imprint over time.
Deidara, at his core, felt like an undetonated landmine.
"Ah, well, you know," I palmed a handful of explosive notes, knowing that he'd be too suspicious without a fight. “Seal master. I've always been fond of calligraphy.”
He held up a finger to his lips, in a mock thinking pose. “Mm, to each their own. But... tags can only hold so much, yeah? It’s not the best medium.”
Both of us knew this was a pretense. Playful banter before a fight. But, well…
“If explosive notes aren’t the solution to your problems, that just means you aren’t using enough of them.”
That didn’t mean playful banter wasn’t fun in its own way.
“Besides, who said anything about sticking with tags?” – Deidara wasn’t exactly subtle. Preparing the battleground beforehand was just common sense. On cue, each of the remote touch-blast seals I’d placed flared to life.
I was planning to lose. I knew how they “recruited” him, and it was my only chance of getting in myself without drawing suspicion.
But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t make him work for it.
If anything, his smile only grew more manic in anticipation. “Glad to see you’re not all flash and no bang, yeah!” I watched as he reached into his satchel, and felt him prime the clay.
I realized my mistake: I’d worked with higher yield explosives in the past. I had accounted for the fact that his Explosion Release would likely supercharge them more than usual. I’d accounted for the fact he could fly, and all of my seals would need to be recalibrated to direct all of their force upwards.
What I hadn’t accounted for was that, due to him being a deranged missing-nin, he couldn’t exactly walk into a requisition’s office and get a supply of standard explosive clay. He had to source his own gear.
And unlike the people who’d developed the mixture for widespread use, he had absolutely zero concern for things like personal safety.
“But you have to admit, sculptures have a lot more impact. Now, I hate to do this, but leader'll have my ass if I don't… so, don't feel too bad when your senpai schools you, yeah?"
Well. Shit.
-----Introductions: Itachi-----
"Shikako-san."
I glanced in his direction, unwilling to meet his eyes. He may have been a double agent, but I wasn't a fool. I wasn't his brother.
"When he comes. Don't interfere."
"Yeah. Alright." I'd gotten stronger since our first meeting. But if I was honest with myself? Itachi terrified me. "I wasn’t really planning on it. We visited the shrine. 'The eye from thy brother is eternal,' right?"
It was only for a moment, but I saw him freeze. Apparently, he hadn't expected Sasuke to know about the eternal mangyeko, if he hadn't gotten the regular one yet.
"If you thought he hated you before, it’s nothing compared to how he feels now. I don't care if leader orders it, I'm not about to jump in front of that, even if we're working together." It was a bluff. I knew it was a bluff. He’d know I was lying if I said I wouldn’t help Sasuke. If I told him what he wanted to hear… maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t press the issue.
His expression betrayed nothing. "Aa. So long as we understand each other, Shikako-san."
And then I was standing in the hallway alone.
-----Introductions: Kakuzu-----
I stared at the absolute mountain of a man in front of me, my brain already mentally tagging all the escape points. Kakuzu was, once again, without a partner. Pein and Konan hadn’t exactly said who I’d be working with, but… it was obvious I couldn’t avoid him forever.
I'd seen my updated bingo book entry, and there were more zeroes than I was comfortable with. I was no slouch, but in canon, it’d taken kakashi’s mangyeko sharingan and naruto's rasenshuriken to put him down. And even that was… it was close. I didn't like my chances.
"Let this be a lesson to you. Village leaders will always view you as disposable. Be glad you learned it young."
I blinked. That was... not at all how I expected this conversation to go.
"Um." I said, eloquently. "Thanks? I think?"
He stared down at me, unblinking. "No one believes for a second that you went off and blew up Hot Springs on your own volition. You were caught in the act. Same as what happened in Grass. All leaders are corrupt. Remember that."
I didn't have a response because. What. Even if he was being blunt, Kakuzu and Sympathetic shouldn't be in the same postcode.
"I, uh.” My brain was on autopilot. Because, again. What. “…Honestly, when you came over here, I thought you wanted to kill me? Because of my bounty?"
Kakuzu snorted derisively. "After that stunt you pulled, every country wants you captured alive so they can figure out exactly how you did it. You're not worth anything dead. I'm not suicidal enough to turn in someone who'll give out information on Akatsuki while I'm still part of the organization."
“Oh.” That made sense, at least. Akatsuki’s services didn’t come cheap. “And… you're not mad about Hidan? Wasn't he your last partner?”
(Not that I was technically responsible for that. Dad had apparently thought being labeled a missing-nin was danger enough, and had personally hunted Hidan down when he realized he was after me.)
"Less than a month. And he was annoying. If Konoha T&I wants him, they can have him. I was still debating cutting him up and selling him off myself."
"Ah. I see." I'd thought they were closer than that? I'd forgotten how long the timeskip actually lasted. “Well, uh. Glad to hear it?”
He glowered at me. “I said I wouldn’t kill you over it. You will be assisting me with bounties until you can make up for the cost of his.”
I weighed that in my head. Seeing as Konoha had officially declared me a missing-nin, my sensory specialty was pretty much public knowledge at this point. Given how valuable trackers are, Kakuzu would’ve tried to force the issue on this even if he hadn’t arbitrarily decided I owed him money. This? This was getting off light.
“Alright. Deal.” Fighting techniques weren’t exactly easy to transcribe into coded reports, but it would still be valuable future intel.
"Deal. Try to cheat me, and I’ll kill you. Not being worth much is one thing. Costing me money is another.”
Oh. There was the Kakuzu I was familiar with. I swallowed. "...Right. Understood."
-------
“Oi, Jiraiya! Get up, would ya? If your lady friend is gonna wake me up in the middle of the night to have me send you a message, you don't get to sleep either!!”
Jiraiya sighed and clenched the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off the impending headache. Whatever this was, it was never a good sign when he got a message through non-standard channels. He didn't like it.
He took the scroll from the messenger toad and unrolled it. It wasn't a long message, but the contents made his stomach turn to lead.
He wondered if he was somehow cursed, that a girl who he'd taught for only a handful of lessons would inherit the same rotten luck as the rest.
"She asked me to tell you that she was sorry for missing your fight, and to tell Naruto that she'll miss him.
Please, watch out for her. -T"