Work Text:
Kyuutaro always slid the information coolly across the counter. If the pile was heavy enough and he was angry enough at you, he may drop it dramatically in front of you, but he wasn’t angry at Rei.
Kyuutaro didn’t even look when he tossed it back toward Rei, not caring if it got to him. It lightly bounced off the counter and onto the floor. His head was faced away, but he was biting his lip.
Rei suddenly knew. He didn’t need to look at all the photos that had slipped from the folder around his feet. He’d seen it all before. He saw it every day.
“Sorry you were put in this position,” Rei said simply. He wasn’t sure what expression he was making with his face going so cold and numb.
“Don’t apologize—” Kyuutaro shot back. His mouth opened again, but nothing came out. Rei could count the emotions rolling across Kyuutaro’s face, but it was all just devastation in the end.
Rei picked up the folder of instructions, forcefully ignoring all the photos with their little notes.
Sunny at the daycare on Monday, both targets at play.
Partly cloudy at the town center grocery store on Thursday, both targets shopping.
Rainy on the highway on Saturday, Suwa Rei in the car with both targets.
“Kyuutaro,” Rei said, turning to the door.
Kyuutaro hunched over his bar counter.
“He won’t regret it, and neither do I.” Rei went to open the door, expecting nothing else.
“You’ve changed.”
Rei didn’t really laugh, so it was more like a croak. A barbed thing dragged up his throat.
“Apparently, not enough.”
Rei sat at the pier looking over the same waters as he did on his birthday only a short while ago. Kazuki wouldn’t be chasing him down this time. He told him he’d be out late picking up their next mission’s information and any supplies. Kazuki was so happy at his initiative that he pulled Rei into a hug.
Rei had been happy, too. He’d been trying to help more, even if he didn’t always get it right. Going to Kyuutaro’s and picking up supplies was an errand he knew he could succeed on, and Kazuki hadn’t slept much the night before.
Miri was getting bigger, and the weather was chilling into autumn. Obviously, all her new clothes need her name on them. Sewing was still impossible for Rei, so Kazuki had waved him off to bed early.
It wasn’t a surprise that Rei found him sleeping at the table in the morning. While Kazuki eased himself awake, Rei cleaned up the dried blood from his pricked fingertips and bandaged them gently. Kazuki sleepily smiled at the lopsided bandages, saying, “You’re getting better at these sorts of things.” He reached out a hand and brushed his fingers through the side of Rei’s hair. “I’m proud of you.”
Rei now pulled his hair tie off and shoved his hand through the same part of hair those warm fingers had petted through, until his eyes had shut and Kazuki chuckled. He closed his hand in his hair and pulled.
He opened the folder and read.
Kazuki woke up, and he cracked his eyes open just a bit. It was as if a sound had woken him up, but the room was dark and quiet. It wasn’t Miri.
“Rei?” he called quietly, his voice a little warped by sleep. Rei didn’t usually come see him at night, but he sometimes did to let him know he got home.
At his call, the room was suddenly tense like it was holding its breath, just as much as the person was.
Kazuki snapped his arm back and grabbed not a hand or arm, but a silencer.
Holding the silencer toward the ceiling, he felt the gun fall in his grip a little as the person crumpled to the floor. Kazuki sat up and turned on the light on his bedside table.
It was Rei, breathing hard and shaking. His hair was down, despite the gun in his hand, an odd combination for him. His hold on the gun had loosened enough that Kazuki just lightly shook off his hand. He slid down to the floor with Rei.
He didn’t need Rei to tell him.
“Do they know about Miri?” Kazuki asked. “Is she still in her bed asleep?”
Rei nodded once to both questions with a slight shake to his movement.
Kazuki looked at the gun in his hand, the silencer wrapped by his fingers. It was Kazuki’s preferred sidearm. A simple gun, but it had the remnants of blue and red marker from Miri finding it months ago and saying it needed some color. Rei had gotten on his back for not securing it properly. Securing the weaponry and maintaining gun safety had been tasks Rei immediately took up after those first days with Miri, well before he recently started picking up more chores. Kazuki had to show him that the locked drawer had broken at some point to get Rei to calm down. They had spent the rest of that day fixing it, heads together as they watched how-tos on Rei’s phone.
“The silencer was a good choice, but did you lock my bedroom door?”
Rei’s “What?” was barely more formed than a puff of air as he looked at Kazuki still studying the gun in his hand.
“So Miri wouldn’t come in during it or afterward.”
Rei’s eyes went wide.
“You didn’t think about it? Even with how many times she’s woken you up at night?”
“I…”
“This isn’t the Suwa heir that I know!” Kazuki managed to smile. “You might go in shooting first, but you usually cover the basics well enough.”
Rei trembled as Kazuki pulled them both to their feet, Rei’s legs so unsteady he fell into Kazuki’s chest.
“I’ll help you, so let’s go downstairs.”
Rei didn’t know how they got down the stairs or how they ended up in the shower and bath room. He stared down at the tub he had slept in so many nights. He wanted to sleep so badly, but Kazuki came back into the room and locked the door behind him. He gingerly repositioned Rei closer to the tub.
Then, Kazuki unrolled the body bag next to the tub and unzipped it.
Rei had been standing, but now he was sliding down the wall, hyperventilating. He’d never hyperventilated before, and Kazuki held his face, giving him directions on how to breathe. With everything swirling his mind, Rei couldn’t help but wonder how you forgot to breathe. How did he breathe before this moment?
Rei followed what Kazuki said, and they took deep breaths together for who knows how long.
When he breathed more easily, Kazuki walked him into the tub with him, and they sat down.
Kazuki took up Rei’s hands in his, looking down at their hands with such relaxation that it sent a chill down Rei’s spine. “I’m sorry it has to be here where you sleep, but the cleanup will be much easier. Just move me into the bag, pull the showerhead over, and spray everything down. I’m sure someone will come to clean more thoroughly after that. So, just clean yourself up.” Kazuki looked up at him, “Okay?”
Rei shook his head.
Kazuki laughed dryly, “Yeah, I guess it’s not.”
“I can’t… I don’t know what to do.”
Rei felt his hands get squeezed before Kazuki pulled him into an embrace. “You haven’t had to think it all through for a while, huh? You’ve always been paired with a planner and infiltrator, someone who cleared the way so you just have to shoot. It’s hard to do it all on your own now.”
Kazuki played dumb sometimes, but he was smarter than Rei. He could plan the most intricate jobs, mapping every step for a clean hit and escape. Kazuki only faltered when there were surprises and emotional baggage on his end, but was quick to get them back on course as best as he could. He never made a mistake when Rei took a wrong turn or shot an extra guy. Kazuki knew him well enough to handle him and guide him through an impossible situation, just as he was now. Rei wished Kazuki could plan it all and be a constant voice in his ear piece, telling him how to escape this all, but he couldn't.
Kazuki put a hand into Rei’s hair, using his fingertips to massage a spot just above the back of his neck, hair twisting between his fingers. Distractedly, he said, “I wish I had cut your hair earlier this week.”
That felt like it twisted all of Rei's organs. He wished they all exploded, so it would be done. He wished it could be himself, but they would be unprotected. The organization would keep coming, and Rei wouldn't be able to save either of them.
"What should I do… after?" Rei whispered into Kazuki's shoulder.
"What's your plan with Miri?"
They didn't even need to talk to know that Rei won't hurt Miri. Last Christmas, Rei would have been completely fine shooting through Miri to kill their target, but now, it was offensive to even suggest Rei could do that to her.
"I was going to make it look like there was an accident in the ocean. Disposing a child's body made to look like her would draw too much attention, but an accident is… mundane," Rei explained.
"And sad, not a mystery worth looking into. An accident at sea makes it believable that a body wouldn't be found. Even your dad wouldn't waste time confirming such a well-thought-out job," Kazuki said. He wrapped his free arm around Rei's waist and pulled him closer as he practically sang into Rei's ear, "Full marks!"
Rei shivered and fisted his hands into Kazuki's shirt. Miri didn't need a body to be believed to be dead, but they would need to see the traitor's—Kazuki's—body. He had to do it. Killing was easy enough, but killing Kazuki…
Breathing was getting hard again.
Kazuki moved, so their foreheads were pressed together. "I know, I know, just breathe. We'll do this together, alright? I'll make it easy for you."
He placed the gun in Rei's hands and positioned them properly, finger by finger. When another finger was put in place, there was a scraping sensation within Rei's ribcage. Something was being removed, something he couldn't replace.
"Kazuki," Rei called, the name cracking in his throat.
"Yes, Rei?" Kazuki replied with a hum as he placed the last fingers.
"I… I…" The words didn't come, but a flash of dinner with the three of them came to mind. Fathers' jobs presentation day at the daycare. Waking up after taking care of the sick Miri to Kazuki dozing at her other side. Falling asleep to Miri curling into his chest and Kazuki giving them a fond look. It took days for Rei to realize that was what fondness looked like, and he felt it on his face more and more with each day. The words were there and large and stuck on his tongue. "Kazuki, I…"
With the gun fully positioned in Rei's hands, Kazuki cupped Rei's cheeks and sharp jawline. He pressed forward, sliding their noses together as their breaths mingled. Kazuki's lips moved against Rei's cheek, "I know, and I won't ask for more than you can or want to give me. You don't need to say it. I already know." He kissed Rei's cheek, pressing into that spot for a long moment.
Rei's face grew cold quickly when Kazuki withdrew and moved his hands to his own on the gun. Kazuki moved the gun, so the silencer pressed hard into his chest, just under his sternum and tilted up toward his heart. "I think blood will be easier to deal with than brain matter. It might take longer this way if the shot's a little off, but I think this would be best."
Kazuki was always the one taking care of him, even now, even when Rei lost all his chances to take care of Kazuki in the way he deserved to be. In the worst moments of his life, Kazuki was always there for Rei over everything else. Kazuki didn't even eat that home-cooked meal with him after cleaning Rei's apartment that first time. He said he wasn't hungry and watched Rei eat. When Rei had gotten halfway through, Kazuki smiled, rubbed tears from his eyes, and said, "I didn't think anyone would eat my cooking ever again. I hope it helps you stay strong and healthy!"
Rei jumped as Kazuki tapped a finger with his own. "Take off the safety." Rei obediently clicked the safety off, the movement of his finger feeling like some far away thing.
Kazuki held the silencer in place and wrapped his other hand around one of Rei's so that his thumb slipped over Rei's trigger finger.
"We'll do it together."
"Kazuki, wait, I can't." The flash of the shot, Kazuki having those increasingly dim eyes he'd seen so many times and choking on his own blood… Rei couldn't see it. He wouldn't see any of it.
"What can't you do?" Kazuki whispered, and something in his voice… Rei heard it before when Kazuki let Miri pick anything she liked at the store. A chill washed over him when he realized that Kazuki would probably lay in the body bag and shoot himself if Rei couldn't do it at all. Just more of Kazuki giving everything for someone else, for him.
"I can't watch."
He was given a soft look, a look Kazuki often gave Miri when she wasn't looking, a fond look. "Just close your eyes."
"The flash–"
"Ah…"
Moving his body and legs, he propped up the gun and Rei's hands with more stability. He dug the silencer further into his chest and winced, but he didn't have to hold the silencer in position anymore and regained a hand. "I'll cover your eyes, so take one last good look at my handsome face! Tell me when you're done."
Rei looked, and Kazuki smiled for the inspection. His warm brown eyes almost twinkled like rubies under the scrutiny. His tanned skin glowed from the light by the door. His blond hair was stuck in its bed head form, not too different from his usual style. He still had traces of dark bags under his eyes from sewing through the night.
Shutting his eyes, Rei couldn't say he was "done" because he'd never want to be done with looking at Kazuki's face, so he just nodded.
Kazuki's thumb adjusted against his trigger finger, and the faint light through Rei's eyelids disappeared behind Kazuki's hand. His thumb was warm, his hand was warm… for now.
"Let me say one last thing, and then, you'll be nearly done."
Rei nodded.
"I'm sorry it came to this."
Rei's breath hitched, and unfamiliar, burning tears pricked at his eyes. It’d been more than a decade since he last cried.
"But I don't regret it. I don't regret Miri."
A breath, a crack in his voice.
"I don't regret you."
The tears overflowed and caught against Kazuki's hand.
"I'm sorry I can't protect you more than this. I'm sorry I can't help you with Miri."
"I'll mess it all up," Rei interrupted. He had left Kazuki with so much of Miri's care for too long. He knew too little. He missed so many little things that Kazuki has become an expert at. Over the last few months, Rei would try until Miri huffed and asked for her more competent papa. He will never be as good at being Miri's papa as Kazuki.
"You could never mess it up in a way that you can't fix. Remember that. Miri loves you, and she'll forgive your mistakes. Work hard enough, and she'll have nothing to forgive."
"I'll… work hard."
"I know you will. You'll do such a good job it'll surprise you like it surprised me."
"Kazuki–"
He interrupted him, "Just one final thing."
Kazuki's fingertips curled against the side of his face.
"I love you, Rei. I have for a while now. I just noticed it one day." He chuckled. "I loved you through your good and bad days. I will love you through all the next moments and beyond." His voice wobbled.
"Kazuki, I also–" It died on Rei's lips again.
"I know."
Kazuki pushed down Rei's trigger finger.
He felt the silencer under his sternum, the tears against his hand, the tears on his own cheeks, and the shaking finger under his thumb.
Kazuki didn't feel the slip of a bullet through his skin.
He had shut his eyes, too, and he kept them closed as he released the trigger, only to pull it again.
A sob was forced from Rei's body, but the gun produced nothing.
Opening his eyes, Kazuki used one hand to still cover Rei's eyes and the other hand to drop out the gun's cartridge.
It clattered into the tub, empty.
Kazuki stared at it, bewildered.
"K-Kazuki?"
He moved his hands quickly and pulled Rei to his chest, leaning them back against the side of the tub, the gun pushed from its position.
"Papa Rei is such a good dad," Kazuki began, "that he ensures that all weapons are secure in our home. He always keeps the guns unloaded and… will unload cartridges automatically at home."
Startled, Rei looked up at him, eyes open and red.
"After you loaded the gun, you put on the silencer. You checked the gun meticulously, but, just like before any other job, you went into autopilot. Like always, you stashed the full cartridge and replaced it with an empty one before you left the storage room so Miri couldn't take it and hurt herself by accident."
Kazuki slid a hand into Rei's jacket and pulled the full cartridge from an inside pocket.
"You couldn't have hurt me at any point because you're such a good dad that you've learned these new habits."
Rei didn't say anything, but his arms wrapped around Kazuki, the gun tossed to the side. Kazuki felt the tears against his neck and used his own arms to bring Rei as close as possible. His tears were lost in Rei's hair.
"Let's make a new plan together."