Chapter Text
8:32 AM
strokerstoker added sashaaaaa to the chat
strokerstoker added martean to the chat
strokerstoker renamed the chat Best Archive Assistants Ever
strokerstoker: so
strokerstoker: i’m sure you are all wondering why i have called you here today
sashaaaaa: tim why
martean: I mean i can guess why. he wants to have another distraction from work
strokerstoker: >:0 martin!!! how could you accuse me of things i obviously am doing!!!!
strokerstoker: but also i Do have a point to this. we can talk shit about anybody (cough elias cough cough) and not have to be heard :o)
sashaaaaa: why did you give the poor smiley face a nose
strokerstoker: the man needs to Breathe sash smfh
martean: I can’t believe we’ve only been at this job for two (2!) months and tim is already trying to start a gossip group chat wow
sashaaaaa: i’m surprised it took him this long tbfh
strokerstoker: wow okay i see how it is >:(
strokerstoker changed sashaaaaa’s name to Betrayaler
Betrayaler: wh
strokerstoker: yeah that’s right
Betrayaler: that’s not even a word, tim
strokerstoker: is now
martean: guys shh I heard jon get up do u really want to be fussed at
strokerstoker: i’m not afraid of him he’s tinie i can take him
Betrayaler: totally has nothing to do with the fact that you worked with him in research and so you know him better than us
strokerstoker: tbf when we were in research he didn’t talk much sooooo i don’t know much more than u 2
Betrayaler: besides the fact that you think he’s pretty you do know that
strokerstoker: SASH WHY
martean: :0!!!!
strokerstoker: tHIS DOESN’T LEAVE THE GROUP CHAT HNNNNN
martean: I mean i do agree he is pretty but that Reaction says something else too
strokerstoker: this is blatant bullying wtffffffff
11:35 AM
strokerstoker: i can’t believe he fussed at us smfh
martean: I did try to warn u but nooooo
strokerstoker: martin why must you sass me so
Betrayaler changed their name to sash
strokerstoker: boring
sash: i’m not leaving it as Betrayaler tim
strokerstoker: i will take away your right to change your nickname
sash: do Not
sash: also to change topics and totally not to distract tim. why didn’t you invite jon to the gc?
strokerstoker: because this is a place for fUN not wORK and he will make it all about work and then i’ll suffocate myself with the fancy document-fixing tape
martean: have you put thought into this plan???
strokerstoker: maybe
sash: dude
strokerstoker: ANYWAY what do yall think of the weird statements that don’t record digitally that’s freaky spooky right
sash: I’ve never heard of that before so it’s definitely weird. even weirder that jon gets them to record on tape??
martean: maybe since that’s not digital the ghosts are satisfied
strokerstoker: fuckin genius walking amongst us right here hell yeah
strokerstoker: still not over the fact that jon doesn’t like u like what’s his problem you’re the complete package
strokerstoker: 1) cute 2) genius 3) good tea
martean: awwww <3
sash: he’s latched onto the whole dog thing and won’t let it go smfh we need to change his mind
strokerstoker: jon Must understand that marto boy is Fantastic
martean: should I be scared?
strokerstoker: noooooooo don’t worry we’re professionals
martean: I’m scared
sash: that’s probably for the best
3:40 PM
strokerstoker: oh shit i just heard elias comin down here fuck fuck everyone act natural
sash: me and martin are how about you just pretend you’re working
strokerstoker: yes
martean: oh no he just went into jon’s office
strokerstoker: oh to be a fly on hte wall
sash: yikes I can see jon through the window he looks like he’s gonna put a hole in his monitor
strokerstoker: if he can successfully punch a whole through his computer i will actually be scared of him
martean: aaaaand now elias is gone??? and he looked pleased
sash: meanwhile jon looks like he’s gonna throw up
martean: poor guy :(
Jon (work)
Hey, Jon are you okay?
We saw that Elias just left and you
look kinda upset
Oh hey Sasha
I’m very frustrated with Elias
but it’s nothing the three of you
should worry about.
Anything we can help with?
Unless we can suddenly fix the
archives and have them in
perfect shape by the time he comes
back down here, no.
What’s his problem? The stick
in his ass get a new friend
or something?
Might as well have. He’s being
completely ridiculous with his
expectations. We’ve just barely had a
chance to get started down here.
He couldn’t even mention the actual
progress made since taking over for
Gertrude! Ass
He sucks
If it makes you feel any better
Tim and Martin are coming up
with a list of pranks to pull on him
on your behalf
That’s not necessary.
Yeahhh trying to convince Tim of
that now that it’s in his head is next
to impossible
Christ
Now you know what I’m dealing with
I’m sorry but it is kind of funny
:O Jonathan Sims!!
How ~unprofessional~!!
Ha ha
Rude!!!
Oh by the way do you have discord?
The three of us have a chat now and
I’m sure I can get you in if you
solemnly swear not to be stuffy in it
I have an account but I haven’t used it
in forever
Send it to me I’ll take care of the rest
Should I? That doesn’t sound like a
particularly good thing
It’ll piss off Elias if you’re chatting
with us and not being his weird lil pet
Fair point
4:26 PM
sash: tim give me admin rights
strokerstoker: why????
sash: it’ll make sense in a min but give me power
strokerstoker: i’m scared but fine
sash: excellent
sash added arrjonny to the chat
arrjonny changed their name to jon
strokerstoker: wait wait WAIT SAHAS YOU DID NOT PROPERLY WARN ME
sash: WE ARE TRYING TO PISS OFF ELIAS HE STAYS
strokerstoker: SASHAAAAA ULTIMATE BETRAYAL I COULD’VE DELETED SO MUCH WE COULD’VE MADE A SECOND CHAT
martean: am i the only one wondering why jon’s default name is arrjonny???
strokerstoker: wait actually
strokerstoker: we can bury the old messages
strokerstoker: HEY YEAH BOSSMAN WHATS THAT ABOUT????
sash: I’m sorry jon
jon: I never use this account. One of my friends from uni made me make an account and she did the set up so she made a stupid reference
martean: what reference? :0
jon: Something from uni
strokerstoker: hm don’t trust that you’re being dodgy
jon: Says the one keen on me not scrolling up apparently.
strokerstoker: jon that period is the most terrifying thing please don’t do this to me
jon: I’m not going to just throw grammar out the window because we aren’t on an official work chat.
strokerstoker: jon your scaring me
jon: you’re*
strokerstoker: FUCK
sash: this is very entertaining
martean: oh definitely
sash: also I don’t like that jon just mentioned Teams that made a shiver go down my back
jon: At least you don’t have to deal with Elias trying to figure out how Teams works :)
strokerstoker: holy shit did jon just use a strained this-is-fine smiley what world are we in
jon: Believe it or not but I did grow up texting just the same as you
strokerstoker: haaaa yeah right dino
martean: aren’t you older than jon, tim?????
strokerstoker: excuse you no
jon: Yes
strokerstoker: w HAT SINCE WEHN
jon: Tim you’re the second oldest one here.
strokerstoker: next to you right
jon: Next to Sasha
sash: me -> tim -> martin -> jon
jon: Unfortunately
martean: awwwww <3
strokerstoker: JON HOW OLD ARE YOU
strokerstoker: you look like you’re 40
jon: I’m 29
strokerstoker: HUH HOW AM I TWO WHOLE FUCKING YEARS OLDER THAN YOU THIS IS BULLSHIT
jon: Sasha I am regretting this decision
sash: it’ll be fine he’s burying messages mostly
strokerstoker: don’t tattle on me babe :(
sash: sigh
strokerstoker: oh and while i’m in the busneiss of annoying our boss
strokerstoker changed jon’s name to arrjonny
strokerstoker: well i feel better
arrjonny: Tim let me change it back
strokerstoker: hmmmm no
arrjonny: Sasha please
sash changed arrjonny’s name to jon
jon: Thank you
strokerstoker: sasha why
sash: he hates elias as much as you be nice
strokerstoker: oh fuck yeah
jon: And while I would love to continue messaging you three all afternoon,
sash: /s
jon: We do have work to get done.
jon: What is “/s”?
sash: it’s a tone indicator. it’s used to show when you’re being sarcastic if it isn’t super clear
jon: Oh alright. Thanks
martean: there’s a few more that are actually helpful, like /pos = positive and /j =foke
martean: joke*****
strokerstoker: foke
martean: :’(
strokerstoker: n OO do NOT be sad marto ily too much!!!!!
jon: …Anyway
jon: Martin I need you to do a follow-up on case #0150409 in regards to Carlos Vittery and his spiders
strokerstoker: “his spiders” makes it sound less like he’s being terrorized and more like he’s got a secret spider breeding ring or something going on
jon: Given his potential mental state, I would venture to say that would potentially hospitalize him
strokerstoker: grippy socks vaca because of spiders what a way to spend a weekend
martean: I’ll get on it, jon!! if on;y to mute my phone and not listen to tim’s spiders stories
strokerstoker: y’all ever heard of Spiders Georg?
jon: Tim please do your job
strokerstoker: sasha look what’s happened to our fun gc :(
sash: you’ll be okay tim <3
strokerstoker: </3