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“No thanks.” Jay shut them down.
“Way to go, Cole,” Kai muttered with fake enthusiasm.
Jay continued to explain why he wouldn’t be following them. “I’m not going anywhere. Everybody else might have forgotten Nya, but not me.”
“Nobody forgot her, Jay.” Kai couldn’t believe what Jay was saying. Still, Jay pushed forward.
“Yes, they did! It’s only been a year since Nya disappeared, and it’s like nobody cares anymore! They just moved on with their lives. But Nya’s still gone, and nobody even remembers!”
Cole was quick to try to placate Jay, but he still sounded sombre. “Jay, we’ll always remember.”
“Nya was my sister. I’d do anything for her, but she’s not here.”
“Please come with us.” Zane didn’t offer much to the table, making Kai annoyed that his emotions switch was off.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Kai couldn’t understand. I mean, he could. He’d been in Jay’s position countless times. What he couldn’t understand was how open Jay was about all of this. Kai was aware that Jay could be emotional, but he would never understand why he was so willing to let all of these feelings out for anyone to see. So willing to, well, give up. However, Kai was strong. He had to be. They can’t have the two of them breaking down when one ninja already refused to join and another… lost. Cole said there was something suspicious going on. They still had a duty. He still needed to do what he did best, protect.
So, Kai attempted to connect with Jay once more. He wasn’t going to give up on Jay.
“Jay, you know she wouldn’t want you to do this-”
“You don’t know that!”
Kai was really struggling to stand his ground here. He knows Jay doesn’t mean it, he knows! He hopes so. To insinuate that he didn’t know his own sister, though? They did however just march into Jay’s newly chosen place of residence on the anniversary of his wife’s death, so he let it go. He took a deep breath and continued.
“Yes, I do. I know her. She wouldn’t want us to sit here drowning in our sorrows talking to- to-”
“Drowning! Ha ha. Nice one. If you knew her so well then why don’t you care? Why don’t any of you!” Jay’s arms flailed as he quickly moved his hand from pointing accusatorily at Kai to vaguely gesturing at Cole and Zane.
Cole, ever the grounding force, stepped in between Kai and Jay as he sensed the tension rise. He put his hand on Kai’s chest, indirectly telling him to stand down. Even when Kai was also getting hurt, he was still the bad guy.
“Now now, let’s not have this conversation when one of us is so worked up.” Despite his efforts to break the two apart, the tension still morphed into something akin to animosity.
“No, no. Let him speak. What do you mean?” Kai was as calm as an ocean as he stepped past Cole and closer towards Jay. The look in Kai’s eyes made Jay step back. He swore he saw red glinting in his eyes.
“Do you think the fact that you’re letting yourself be… be ravaged by time means that you cared more about her? Than any of us?” For the past year, Kai has kept his feelings to himself. Jay was distraught. Lloyd felt hopeless. Zane was grieving. Cole was supporting them. Pixal had to take care of the city. Everyone was so busy, so Kai stayed around for as long as he could stand to support them. Eventually, even he had to let himself fall. He let himself crumble in the privacy of his own room, even if just for one or two nights at the monastery. He had to move forward after that, he had to worry about how he was going to protect everyone in his family that she left behind. How he could help other people protect themselves. He was fine with the fact that no one reached out to him. Why would they? He was strong. He had to be.
But how could he when the very reason he was standing here right now was gone?
Jay was intimidated, sure, but he wasn’t backing down either. He’d never see the man in front of him show any signs of the grief he felt so strongly. He had never expected Kai to be so unaffected.
“You’ve moved on too! So quickly! Did you ever cry? For her? Did you ever care for her? Did her disappearance not hurt you the way it hurt me? Are you that selfish?”
Grief could be compared to an ocean. It came in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the oceans were calm. Other times, the oceans raged so strongly you couldn’t even begin to swim in the grief the waters carried.
“I sacrificed everything I fucking could to make sure she was safe! I gave my life away, my childhood, to keep us- to keep her alive when our parents went missing! I couldn’t care less about what happened to me! When we had to pick between what basic fucking necessities were needed to make it to the next day, she was always my priority. Whenever she asked if our parents were coming back, I would tell her I never knew, but that I would stay. I was her older brother. I promised to stay! I promised that I would protect her! The reason I wore this stupid red gi in the first place was because of that promise! I gave her everything I had and I regretted none of it. I would do it again if I had the chance! I would give everything in the whole world to trade our places.”
And yet, a calm always settles over the water after every storm.
“Selfish? You will never understand the overwhelming guilt I felt when I realised I broke my promise.”
He will never be her older brother.
He exhaled, smoke leaving his mouth as he stared at Jay. His eyes were blank from finally letting himself feel all of this pent-up emotion. He assumed Jay was forming a response as Jay stepped closer, knowing that they were both too stubborn to back down in an argument. Kai clenched his fists, ready for anything Jay might respond with, even force, but-
“Ninjas, please desist before your displays of strong emotions escalate into something more violent.”
Zane interrupted the ‘conversation’, stretching his arms to his side and placing them in front of Kai and Jay in an attempt to distance the two. Kai and Jay turned to face him as Cole stood behind him with a worried look. They were sure that Zane would express even more concern if his emotions were switched on.
For a moment, everyone stood still. All you could hear was the sound of water (and something else?) hitting the sandy shores surrounding the tower Jay had chosen to isolate himself in. Then, the sound of hinges squeaking caught everyone’s attention.
“You came,” Cole spoke softly, the first one to notice who it was as he was the closest to the door.
“What did I just walk into?” Lloyd stepped through the doorway fully, allowing Kai and Jay to take his presence in. He was still in his work uniform. He wasn’t going to come, and yet he did. At the sight of that, Kai felt his heart fill with warmth. He had spent a night crying with a certain someone by his side. He had accidentally let Lloyd past his walls when he was comforting Lloyd, but it was one of the most peaceful rests he had since Nya’s disappearance. The fact that Lloyd came despite rejecting them earlier made him believe that the team could get back together. That he and Jay would move past this disagreement the same way they’ve always moved on, as a family.
“Whatever, that’s not important. You guys have to come outside. It’s beautiful.” Lloyd beckoned for the other ninja to follow him. Cole and Zane were quick to follow Lloyd, wanting to leave the tension in the tower. Kai and Jay exchanged glances, silently agreeing that they would follow Lloyd without much resistance from either of them. As they stepped outside, they heard Cole shout.
“Jay! You gotta see this!”
“It’s amazing,” Kai uttered, seeing what Cole was talking about as he stepped out first.
“What is it?” Jay asked, but he got his answer the moment he stepped out. He gasped, running to the shore to pick up one of the lanterns. He read the message and looked up at how many people still remembered Nya and how many people still honored her sacrifice even after a year. Even after their lives had moved on.
“What changed your mind?” Kai asked Lloyd.
“Nya wouldn’t want us to quit. If she saw us like this, she’d kick our butts and tell us to get back to work.” For once, in a long time, Lloyd looked at the rest of the ninja- no, the rest of his family with hope in his eyes.
Jay tears his eyes away from the lantern, looking up at the rest of his team gathering their hands together in a circle. His gaze lingers on Kai’s face as he glances past his team. Kai is still smiling at him like everyone else is, despite what just happened inside the tower. They are still a family. Maybe, not just for Nya, but for everyone in his family, he can try to move on too.