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College isn’t what Argyle was expecting, honestly. But he means that in a good way. He didn’t think he’d be in New York City, of all places, and he didn’t expect to be sharing an apartment with the man he loves more than anything.
They’re both full-time students at New York University, which Argyle has also not expected. Jonathan getting in didn’t surprise him, but he hadn’t figured he had the marks for it, but it worked out in more ways than one.
As compensation for everything they’ve been through, the government provides them with monthly payments and most forms of insurance, so the pair can pay their rent without having to work and take minimal student loans. They’re far from rich, still living the classic college student shoe-string budget life, but it works.
The pair were excited to be in the same grade and school again, but unlike high school, their schedules differed wildly in both classes and times. They aren’t even in the same undergraduate program, with Jonathan being in the Tisch School of Arts to major in Photography and Argyle being in Meyers College of Nursing. They only see each other in the morning and when they both get home, which can be rather late some nights.
But the pair settled into their routine and focused on classes, taking comfort in each other whenever possible and venting about their days.
After a while, Argyle begins to notice something almost odd. Jonathan is popular.
Between challenging classes and long essays, it becomes apparent that he’s caught the attention of many students on campus. While Hawkins and Lenora didn’t appreciate Jonathan’s extraordinary mind and personality, his fellow art students definitely did.
It started slow, with Jonathan mentioning people he often speaks to in his classes, which Argyle was happy for. He wants Jonathan to have friends, but whenever they were out on campus together or even right off it, someone would say hi to Jonathan more often than not. Sometimes Jonathan would recognize them, sometimes not, but they were always fellow students, and they would sometimes ask about his work. Calls to the apartment became more frequent and almost always for Jonathan. Sometimes he’d spend nearly an hour on the phone, chatting with friends from class.
Argyle didn’t overthink it. Jonathan was happy, so he was pleased. But he can’t entirely ignore it, either. Jonathan’s popularity continued to grow without the other man even realizing it. He was often flanked by one or more people between classes, and he started to occasionally stay out late studying or having dinner with other people.
Again, Argyle doesn’t mention it, even though he misses the other when he’s gone and hates how empty their bed is. But then, Jonathan had an extensive product for his intro to photography class, and he casually mentioned how multiple people had immediately asked him to be their model, with him agreeing to two of them.
Argyle does not consider himself a jealous person, but he’s not an idiot. He knows how beautiful Jonathan is, but he hadn’t fully digested that many other people would think the exact same thing. He had always thought of them as just being for each other, being there when no one else cared about them. But now Argyle is far from the only one vying for Jonathan’s attention.
The next day, Jonathan was picked up by an almost equally beautiful man named Brent. The man was tall but shorter than Argyle and thin with dark skin, short hair, and some of the kindest eyes Argyle’s ever seen. And the day after that, Jonathan was whisked away by a short, cute, plump girl named Emily with the most adorable laugh.
That happened last week, and Argyle is slowly slipping back into despair. Emily and Brent came by earlier today to give Jonathan copies of the photos he starred in, and, of course, they were gorgeous, perfectly capturing Jonathan’s mix of angles and curves. He can’t blame them for wanting Jonathan, but it still makes his eyes water.
Argyle is well aware that he simply can’t offer Jonathan what these other students can. He tries, but he doesn’t understand Jonathan’s art form. He had been Jonathan’s only friend in Lenora, but now the other had more brilliant, better-looking, and exciting options than him. It’s not like Jonathan would have trouble finding someone willing to be with him, male or female.
Argyle thinks about freshmen orientation and tales from former college students in Lenora and how they pressed that you’ll meet many new people and form life-long relationships. He considers how often people meet their romantic partners in college, leaving behind their high school sweetheart. If anyone deserves the perfect partner in the world, it’s Jonathan.
So Argyle decides that he’s going to make it easier for Jonathan. It’s the least he can do, after all. So he starts to pull back a little bit. He doesn’t initiate as many touches or kisses and doesn’t say anything when Jonathan stays out. They don’t go on as many dates and don’t even always sleep in the same bed, with Argyle on the couch or guest bed. It hurts, but Argyle would rather have that than have Jonathan be tired or resentful of him for holding him back.
For a couple of weeks, this goes about as well as it could. Jonathan repeatedly asks if he’s alright, but Argyle waves him off, saying he’s okay. Argyle already misses Jonathan, but he savors these last few moments before Jonathan realizes he can do much better. But his words don’t entirely placate Jonathan, as he soon finds out.
“Argyle?” Jonathan asks after class one day, with Argyle lounging on the couch.
“Yeah, bro?”
“Can we talk?” Jonathan shuffles on the spot, and Argyle smiles, swallowing the dread in his stomach.
“Course, man.” Argyle pats the couch, and Jonathan lowers himself gingerly.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“What do you mean, dude?” Argyle asks, and Jonathan huffs.
“You know what I mean. You’ve barely even kissed me lately,” Jonathan accuses, glaring at the other.
“Oh. I didn’t realize,” Argyle lies. It feels wrong not to be honest with the other, but it’s a necessary evil. Jonathan is silent for a long moment.
“Bullshit,” Jonathan hisses quietly but firmly. Argyle flinches, meeting a blazing fire in Jonathan’s eyes that nearly takes his breath away.
“Dude-”
“No, Argyle,” Jonathan snaps, “You never hesitated to give out affection even before we were dating, and now you’re acting like we just met when we live together.” The words hang heavy in the air, and Argyle knows he’s not getting out of this easily. He should have known that Jonathan was too smart for his scheme, and he’s a terrible liar anyways.
“I’m sorry, man,” Argyle says softly, and Jonathan’s face falls momentarily before relighting with anger.
“Why?” Jonathan hisses.
“I…” Argyle starts, trailing off, “Man, I thought it’d be easier like this,” Argyle admits, meaning it. He thought this might be preferable, but having any of Jonathan’s negative attention on him is almost physically painful, whether that be his rage or his apathy.
“You thought what would be easier?” Jonathan probes, a strong trace of panic mixed with the words.
“Us,” Argyle says vaguely, unable to spell it out without tears coming to his eyes. “When you, y’know….” For a long moment, Jonathan’s expression doesn’t change. After a long few seconds, his face morphs to a horrified realization.
“What…?” Jonathan whispers.
“I get it, man,” Argyle mumbles, “I don’t want to hold you back, dude, and you’ll be able to spread your wings and fly where you want.” The words hurt the taller man, but he means it.
“What… I can’t….” Jonathan mumbles, taking a shaky step back. Worry shoots up Argyle’s spine, and he stands up.
“You alright, man?” Argyle asks, “Sit down, dude. I don’t want you cracking open your head.” Jonathan doesn’t even seem to hear him, just shaking his head as his body trembles. Argyle takes a step forward, and the movement appears to snap Jonathan out of his trance.
“Don’t… don’t touch me,” Jonathan forces out, and Argyle obediently steps back. The taller opens his mouth, but Jonathan turns away, grabbing only his wallet and backpack. The next moment the front door is slammed shut, and Argyle is alone.
The silence is deafening, and Argyle’s leg twitch with the urge to run after him. But he doesn’t want to push Jonathan more than he already has. He sighs, letting himself sink into the couch, and turns up the TV as loud as he can without making his ears bleed.
Argyle falls asleep there, waking up with a sore back the following day. There are no signs of Jonathan coming home, not that he’s surprised. He knows he’ll be next to useless in class, and he already woke up late, so Argyle just gets breakfast before sitting right back down on the couch.
The hours tick by glacially slow, but Argyle can’t bring himself to leave, not wanting to risk missing Jonathan. The other will have to return sooner or later to get his things if nothing else. And he does not want his last conversation with Jonathan to be… whatever that was yesterday.
Argyle tries to put on movies or read to distract himself, but the lead weight in his heart only gets heavier and heavier. He knows he’s not a smart man. He would have thought of a better way to confront the other if he was. If he was more intelligent, he maybe could have been a better option for Jonathan and not look so terrible compared to the art kids vying for his attention.
Argyle is willing away tears when the lock on the front door clicks. He jolts up, nearly falling off the couch, scrambling to his feet. He waits, listening to the soft footsteps.
“Argyle,” Jonathan whispers, coming into view.
“Hey,” Argyle says back, trying not to squirm. “I, uh, was worried about you, man.”
“I stayed with Brent,” Jonathan says in a clipped voice. Argyle’s heart aches. He looks over the other. Jonathan is in the same clothes as yesterday, wrinkled and hair messy. Argyle doubts he went to class as well.
“Oh.” For a long minute, they’re both silent, still, neither willing nor sure if they should make the first move.
“I want to know….” Jonathan starts, trailing off and taking a breath, “I want to know why you’re breaking up with me.” It’s a practiced line, one he’s been wanting to say.
“I… I thought it’d be easier,” Argyle says, and Jonathan inhales sharply.
“What does that mean?” Jonathan asks voice carefully level.
“I thought it would be easier when you… decided to leave, man.”
“And when did I decide that?” Jonathan bites, clearly having to hold back, so he doesn’t yell. Argyle swallows.
“You haven’t. But… I figured you would.” Jonathan is silent for a long moment before a laugh is torn from him.
“After everything, you really think I’d up and leave? We own a goddamn apartment Argyle; we go to the same college? Why the fuck would I leave now?” Jonathan stalks closer, voice raising with every step. “Unless you’re just trying to hide your own feelings. Is that it? Do you really want me gone so bad that you can’t even admit it?!”
“No, Jonathan, that’s not it-” Argyle tries to say, eyes burning. He’s never had Jonathan’s full anger on him before. It’s like being on the receiving end of a smoldering branding iron, slowly being cooked alive.
“Then what is it?! Because as far as I know, my boyfriend is fucking over me and is kicking me out while saying it’s my fucking fault! ”
“Because it is! ” Argyle screams back. Silence overtakes them, the air absolutely still. Jonathan’s anger dissipates from his face, replaced by shock. But Argyle can’t stand to look at him anymore, turning away as the tears in his eyes finally overflowing.
“It is…” Argyle mumbles, voice wavering.
“What did I do?” Jonathan whispers just as softly, “Please, tell me.”
“You were you, man,” Argyle says, and as soon as he starts, he can’t stop, “The people here… they see you how I do. They see you for the great dude you are, smart, kind, and beautiful. They’re just falling over themselves to be with you, and eventually, you’ll realize how much you’re missing out on because you’re here with me.”
“Argyle-” Jonathan whispers, but the Californian isn’t done.
“I know I was your only option in Cali, man. People there were blind to you, and you were stuck with me. But you’re not anymore! The world is your oyster, and there’d be so many people wanting to share it with you. I just…” Argyle takes a shaky breath, “I hope you know how much I love you.”
Argyle waits. But Jonathan doesn’t say anything. He just stays silent. After what feels like minutes, he can’t stand it anymore. He spins around to demand something but stops as a solid weight barrels into him. On pure instinct, he grabs the other, holding them both steady.
“You stupid, stupid man,” Jonathan whispers harshly against Argyle’s chest, weakly hitting the large body. Stunned, Argyle just holds the other as he swats at him.
“I love you, Argyle,” Jonathan finally says, “I… maybe I should’ve said it more, but I love you so much. And it doesn’t matter if I’m popular or whatever; that doesn’t change. You’re still the one I trust with my life, who drove across the country for me, who always loved me for me.”
Argyle silently weeps against Jonathan’s shoulder, falling into the embrace more and more with every word. He wants to believe it so desperately, but he’s unsure if he can.
“I… I never thought you would have felt this way,” Jonathan continues. “I’m sorry for not noticing. Funnily enough, I always thought you were the one out of my league.” Argyle just squeezes him tighter.
“I’m so sorry, man,” Argyle whispers, “I should have talked to you.”
“Yeah, you should have. But I get it.” Jonathan chuckles dryly, “It’s hard admitting that you think you’re lesser or weaker. Because they might think you’re right, and it might break their illusion.”
“Yeah, something like that,” Argyle mumbles. Jonathan chuckles again.
“I forgive you.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“I will anyways. Just tell me why you’re breaking up with me next time.”
“There won’t be a next time,” Argyle almost growls, holding the other tighter.
“That’s the spirit.”
The pair continue to hold each other for a long time, slowly moving to their bedroom. They collapse onto the bed, sharing kisses and softly whispered words until they eventually pass out in each other’s arms, swearing never to lose this or take it for granted again.