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He paced up and down the hallway. The Paris Squad was coming to see Charlie, which was a horrifying thought. He said he was okay with them visiting, but the idea was going to be different from the actual experience. The same went the other way, everyone knew that Charlie couldn’t walk anymore, but seeing it was…something else.
They came walking down the hall, Darcy had clearly been told to be calm because her wave was excited but silent. He waved back with a sad smile, and when they were closer, he whispered. “Hey…He’s uh…in the bathroom so we’re gonna wait for the nurse to come out then go in.”
“How is he?” Elle furrowed her eyebrows, her arm linked with Taos.
“He’s uh…coping.” He laughed a bit. “He looks a bit rough…like uh…beat up. Just…be nice with him.”
Everyone nodded, and when the Nurse left the room, they nodded to him and went inside.
Charlie was sitting in his wheelchair in the center of the room, smiling wide and waving lazily. “Hey guys!”
Darcy bounced up and down. “Charlie! Can I hug you?”
He nodded and held his arms out. He didn’t have the stamina to keep them up, but everyone gave him a big hug.
“So how do you feel?” Tao sat on his bed, he looked at Nick, and he quickly wheeled him over so he was facing everyone. Grabbing chairs and directing people to sit on the bed. It was a little circle, it kind of looked like Charlie’s support group…but Paris-squad-ified.
“I mean…I feel as good as I can. Geoff said that it’s normal to feel like…a sort of loss. But I mean. I’m alright…” He played with Nick’s fingers.
“That’s good.” Issac grinned. “I brought you some books about characters in wheelchairs.”
“Really?” He tilted his head, he looked kind of like a cat again. It felt nice to see Charlie being himself again.
“I thought they might help you cope.” He pulled them out of his backpack and put them on Charlie’s lap. His leg spasmed, twitching out of the footrest and getting stuck in the small gap in the rests.
“Er- Can- Someone put my leg-” Tara got up and got it situated again. “Thank you…”
“Does that happen…a lot?” She asked.
“Er- I mean…It’s an issue with my nerves. My brain can’t send signals to like…waist down. But I can still feel it, and the nerves respond to sensations.”
Everyone seemed amazed by this, but to him, it was just…what he’d been hearing since Charlie was hospitalized.
“Oh! So uhm…” Charlie looked over, Tao handed over the basket he had brought. Watching Charlie’s face, it was clear he hadn’t really processed that it was there until Tao was about to put it in his lap. “Wait- will your legs-”
He smacked his legs and nothing really happened. “All good, Issac got the twitch out.” Tao put the basket in his lap. “Gift Basket?”
“Yep! No fireworks though, the hospital said no.” Charlie rolled his eyes and laughed.
“I’d hope not. Thanks, guys.” He smiled.
“Go through it!” Darcy cheered. “Please?”
He sighed and shook his head. “Fine…” He picked up a blanket, he could tell it was soft, but when Charlie held it out to him and he touched it, he knew it would end up as a permanent fixture in his own bedroom instead of Charlie’s. They’d somehow found a blanket with a drum theme, Charlie looked a bit distressed by that, but he just smiled. “It’s soft. Thanks. It’ll be uhm…good for keeping…warm?” He laughed awkwardly, looking at him with a confused glance. “I mean…how else do you compliment a blanket.” He leaned his head onto Nick’s shoulder. He snaked his hand up Charlie’s back to play with his hair. It made this seem…a bit less crappy.
“Nick can you…” He looked like he felt guilty. Like he’d asked too much of Nick already and that this was too far.
He pulled out the next thing. “A nice soft jumper!”
“I made it myself.” Elle smiled. “So…It’s kind of adaptive. It was a pattern made by a wheelchair user and he said it was much easier to get on on his own and…yeah. I thought it was cool, and it’s custom, of course. Flip it inside out, Nick!”
He did, and it was Yellow on the inside. “Look at that.” He elbowed Charlie. He could tell what was happening, he was on his pain meds and was getting absolutely exhausted. “Blue and Yellow. It’s us!”
He smiled lazily. It was a bit crazy how the meds always just…kicked in like that. “It’s us…”
He looked around and mouthed to them. “He’s okay, just tired. We can go out when he falls asleep.”
They kept going through the basket, at this point, it was more for his enjoyment instead of Charlie’s. But eventually, his breathing evened out. Everyone watched as he put Charlie in bed and tucked him in. Turning off the lights and grabbing his own backpack. They all left the room, telling the nurses that Charlie was asleep and shouldn’t be bothered.
“That was…” Tara started.
“Kind of sad,” Issac mumbled.
“Sad?” He put his hands in his pockets and started to walk towards the closest park. “It’s not…He’s okay. It’s just the pains like…a lot right now.”
“He’s still Charlie.” Tao pointed out. “It’s not a huge deal to us. We just have to support him.” Elle nodded.
“But it is…isn’t it? Everywhere we go need to be wheelchair accessible and we always have to make sure Charlie isn’t in pain. Which isn’t a problem but…It’s just…” Tara looked down. “I feel bad…”
“It’s Charlie who’s dealing with it! You think it sucks having to make sure he can hang out with us? Imagine having to feel pitied all the time!” He felt terrible for yelling at her, but she just didn’t get it . Charlie didn’t want pity, he didn’t want to be treated differently. “You just don’t get it!” He wanted to leave, nothing about being around them was enjoyable right now.
But Tara didn’t leave. She didn’t look mad that he was frustrated, she just hugged him.
He didn’t do anything, he just waited. Until she started to speak. “This has been hard on you…Charlie being sick and then…”
“It’s harder on him .” He tried to hold in his tears. “I hate seeing him hurt.”
“Your heart is big…Nick. It’s not your fault. But…” Elle looked down.
“You should go to therapy.” Tao pointed out. “It would be good for you…to like. Process this.”
Darcy nodded, swaying backward and forwards. She’d been uncharacteristically silent, but she just smiled softly at him. “It helps. A lot. When Tara’s mum took me I was really annoyed but it’s…like. Real stuff.”
“My mum…and Coach Singh…And Mr.Ajayi. They all said I should.” He mumbled. “It’s Charlie who's suffering through.”
“But you love him.” Elle tugged on his sleeve. “Watching him suffer makes you suffer. And you need to stop bottling things up.”
He sighed and tilted his head from side to side. “...I’ll talk to my mum.”
Everyone cheered, which just made him feel embarrassed. How long had they been thinking that he needed this?
…either way. He did. And he’d go.
If only to make Charlie’s life a bit easier.