Chapter Text
“Long story short, I found spaghetti, but I couldn’t find enough marshmallows, so we can’t do what I planned to do today.”
Charlie, now out of breath, finally finishes her explanatory monologue to the parlor of miscreants. Angel doesn’t seem to care, Husk squints with effort attempting to decipher what the task would’ve been, Vaggie looks proud, Pentious looks mildly distraught, and Alastor… is also here.
“So,” Pentious begins, lip already starting to tremble, “are we not going to do an activity today?”
“Oh, no no, Pen! Of course we are!” Charlie corrects him quickly and he sighs with relief. “What I’m saying is I’m open to ideas.”
Angel smirks and props his leg up even higher on the couch,
“I still vote BDSM club. Kink can be—“
“No.” Vaggie deadpans, “Absolutely not.”
“We could do a sport!” Pentious cheerily offers. Alastor matches his enthusiasm,
“With knives!”
“That sounds a little bit dangerous.”
“Well, it’s no fun otherwise.”
Charlie smiles with concern at Alastor. She tries to be lenient about him acting creepy during activities, since he doesn’t always join them in the first place. It’s hard to be encouraging in the face of nonchalant violence.
“Here’s a crazy idea,” Husk gestures with his half-full cup, “what if we just played a damn board game?”
Charlie lights up. Angel and Vaggie shrug. Pentious goes wide-eyed,
“Oh, I’ve never played a board game before! Are they fun?”
“You’ve never played any board game?” Angel squints at him, “dude, that’s sad.”
“That’s a great idea!” Charlie cuts that line of questioning off right there, “We could play board games or card games or—“
“I wouldn’t recommend playing card games with Husker if you want a chance at winning~” Alastor states. It gets a chuckle from Husk.
“Board games then! Let me see what I can find—“
“I’ve probably got one or two, I can check my stuff.”
“If anyone has something specific in mind, I’m certain I can procure it.”
“We should do cards against humanity.”
“No.”
So Charlie and Husk rush up the stairs as Vaggie babysits the waiting players, and before long, a small stack of board games reside on the coffee table with everyone gathered around.
Several games are played this day. I will describe for you three.
1: Clue.
“This was always one of my favorites.” Husk reminisces as Angel sorts and shuffles the cards.
“Here, Charlie, pick one from each of these stacks and don’t look at it.”
“Why is Charlie picking?” Pentious whines.
“Oh, you can pick one too, Pentious!” Charlie holds up one of the stacks to Pentious, “Just make sure you don’t look at it, and then give it to Angel!”
“How come I don’t get to pick?” Husk crosses his arms. Angel scoffs,
“‘Cause we want a fair game, jackass.”
“Eh, fair enough.”
Angel deals the remaining cards to each player, several of whom immediately pick up their notepads to write things down. Charlie mostly stares.
“So how does this game work, again?”
“The three cards in that envelope,” Angel explains in a more genuine display than he typically offers, “are the who, the where, and the how the butler was murdered. So whatever cards you see, you know they’re not in the envelope. Basically you walk around and start rumors and if anyone has those cards, they gotta show you. It’s simple, really— here, someone who knows it ‘ll go first so you can see.”
“Oh, okay— wait, so this game’s about murder?”
Niffty runs into the room with a stabbed beetle on the end of her little knife,
“Did someone say murder?!”
“It’s a board game, Niff. Wanna play with us?” Angel offers amusedly. Niffty considers this for a very, very short moment.
“No!”
She runs off as Angel laughs his way through an “okay bye.” Husk blinks and turns to Charlie with a chuckle,
“You didn’t know it’s about murder?”
“But it’s about solving a murder!” Alastor offers, “So that the killer doesn’t get away. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Don’t think too hard about it, Charlie.”
Vaggie’s hand on her shoulder calms Charlie right back down and she smiles,
“Alright, I guess that sounds okay. Let’s do this!”
(Several minutes later…)
“Now hold on a minute, Husky-boy—“
“Don’t call me that.”
“—There’s no way in hell you know what that card was without even seeing it.”
Angel, whose cards and notes sheet remain in two hands and very close to his body, points accusingly at Husk as he appears to make marks on his own notes sheet. Husk looks up at Angel and raises an eyebrow,
“There isn’t? Interesting.” And he makes another mark. Angel’s jaw drops and Alastor laughs.
“Now that’s how this game is played!”
“What the fuck?!”
Vaggie squints for a moment, watching Husk mark on his notes, then smiles in understanding.
“You’re right, Husk, that’s very interesting.” She picks up her pencil and, despite also not being involved in the most recent showing of cards, makes notes on her own paper. Husk fails to stifle a laugh.
“You too?! What the fuck do you people know that I don’t?!”
Angel looks incredulously around the room as the three perpetrators calm their laughter, and Charlie and Pentious remain vaguely confused. The first game of Clue is always the hardest.
When Alastor’s turn next comes around, his rumor goes around the entire table and evidently, nobody has the cards for Scarlet, the rope, or the kitchen. His eyebrows raise like a cartoon,
“Really? Very interesting!” And he scribbles on his notes.
Husk appears to cough into his hand before doing the same,
“Super interesting.”
Angel squints at the room,
“What, so it’s that? That’s the answer, then?”
“We don’t know,” Husk says, “not until someone makes an accusation at the pool.”
Charlie’s turn is next. She rolls the dice, counts her way to the center of the board, and hesitates,
“Okay, so what do I do?”
“You’re gonna tell us what three cards you think are in there, then you’re gonna look at ‘em, and if you’re wrong, you don’t say what they were, you just put ‘em back and you’ve lost. If you’re right, you win.”
“Oh, alright, let me see— I think it’s Scarlet, the rope, and the kitchen.”
Everyone is feeling something as Charlie opens the little manila envelope. Vaggie looks through the board in conflicting disappointment and amusement. Pentious and Angel lean forward with excitement and trepidation respectively. Alastor stares with an incredible grin. Husk hides his expression.
Charlie glances at the cards, then drops her jaw into an incredulous frown,
“I was wrong!”
Giggles erupt. Angel reacts very loudly, but Husk manages words first,
“Alright, put ‘em back, then.”
“But nobody had those!”
As the envelope is returned to its spot, Vaggie sets her cards down on her lap to pat Charlie’s back,
“You were tricked, babe.”
Angel makes another noise,
“Wh—but none of us had them!”
Husk just laughs harder. Alastor breaks down and laughs as well. It takes several seconds and a deep breath for Husk to speak again,
“Angel, baby, this game’s just as much about bluffing as it puzzle-solving. Everyone around the table said they don’t have any of those cards, sure, with the exception of one person.”
It takes Charlie and Angel a long moment to figure out to look back up at Alastor, who sees the shock in their eyes and doubles over with laughter again. At this point, Charlie starts laughing as well,
“I didn’t even think about that! That’s awesome, Al!”
“If it helps, my dear, I was somewhat hoping the onus would fall on Angel.”
“Oh, fuck you!”
“Not on your life, pal.”
2: Uno
A few rounds of Uno are played, the players taking turns shuffling and dealing, as they should.
The massive stack of cards becomes putty in Husk’s hands as he shuffles. Until, of course, Vaggie snatches it away.
“Whaaaat?”
“You’re. Not. Dealing.” She begins to shuffle herself. Husk just laughs indecipherably.
“Isn’t it my turn to deal, then?” Alastor leans forward to stare at Vaggie; he looks a lot less intimidating sitting criss-cross on the floor.
“I don’t really know if that’s better.”
“Come on, we all know how I love to deal!”
“Different kind of dealing, also that’s not allowed, also also you’re doing the opposite of convincing me. I know you would cheat.”
“I promise I won’t!”
“Aw, Vaggie, he promised!”
Vaggie looks up from her shuffling to see both Charlie and Alastor looking at her with pleading eyes, the former far more genuine than the latter. She sighs,
“Fine.”
“Yay!”
And the card shuffle one more time in Alastor’s hands, flying nearly as masterfully as they had in Husk’s, and Vaggie’s going to throw an absolute fit if he wins this round.
…
He doesn’t win that round. He doesn’t even come close, because Pentious smokes it.
Everyone knows Uno is at least as much luck as skill. It still feels incredible to drop draw-four after draw-four, to win at something so smoothly, especially to beat Alastor. If you, dear reader, have never come down to that last card in a round of Uno and your competitors changed the color on you, only for you to lay down a wild and watch their faces mold into resignation because there was never anything they could’ve done? If you haven’t felt that, you haven’t lived.
“I won! I won! I did it!” Pentious jumps up and down beside the coffee table, the room split between cheering with him and glaring at the stack of cards.
“Great job, Pen!” Charlie genuinely claps, and Pentious genuinely takes a bow. It’s adorable.
Alastor resets his jaw and centers himself.
“A splendid game, my friend.”
“I’d say so!” Pentious giggles, “I never win anything! Is this always what it feels like?”
Angel begins rounding up the cards in stacks,
“Alright, whose deal is it?”
A very specifically placed gust of wind knocks every last Uno card off of the coffee table and into a pile in the corner of the room, exactly at the same time as Alastor flicks his hand.
“No more Uno.”
A very brief moment of silence as all eyes land on him. He acts very natural.
“We have so many other games! Surely we won’t spend the whole afternoon on just this one. What do you say we pick another?”
“Aaaaalrighty, gang,” Charlie’s smile directs the group forward, “What’s our next game?”
3: Monopoly
“We could barely handle Uno, are you sure this is a good idea?” Husk comments as he reaches for a little metal figurine. The moment his first finger touches the thimble, Vaggie snatches it from under him, clutching it close to her chest
“I want the thimble!”
“Okay, sure,” he rolls his eyes, then reaches for another, which he can’t even see, and sighs as soon as he looks at his own hand, putting it right back out,
“You want the car, Alastor?”
“Yes. Yes I do.”
“Yea. I think I’ll wait until everyone else has picked.”
Angel gets the dog, Pentious gets the top hat (because he has a top hat, very exciting), and Charlie takes the wheelbarrow. Niffty runs in, steals the boat, giggles a lot, and runs away again. Husk ends up with the shoe.
The game progresses very slowly, and then very quickly, as Monopoly often does. Pentious collects the railroads like an asshole. Charlie is very lucky and Vaggie is very not, being the first out and sulking for the rest of the game. Husk and Alastor both get quite a few properties, but nobody ever lands on Husk’s, and Alastor lines the greens and reds with houses until he’s nearly broke. Obviously, the next time Husk rolls, he lands on one. He slams his fist on the table as he stands,
“Dammit, man, this is just like last time!”
Husk turns around and kicks a chair to avoid kicking over the table.
“Have you and Alastor played monopoly together before??” Vaggie squints.
“Yea, because ‘three people isn’t enough for monopoly,’ ‘come on, Husk, it’ll be fun,’ I swear I thought Rosie was bite into my jugular or somethin’. And this guy,” he points angrily at a very calm, very still, very smug Alastor, “loaded up a couple of places with a stupid number of houses, just like today, and bankrupted me in a fucking turn, just like today! I swear to fuck—“
“Oh, come now, sourpuss~”
“—I hate this game so fucking much—“
“—This is no claws to be upset—“
“—I hate those stupid green spaces—
“—Don’t take it so purrsonally—“
“—I hate this stupid FUCKING SHOE—“
“—You’re acting like this is some big cat-astrophe—“
“—I hate EVERYTHING—“
“—Maybe you should be a little more pawsitive—“
“—YOU’RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE—“
“Okay, wow! We’re having some big feelings right now!”
Charlie stands and puts her hands out towards both, despite the only real movement being Husk’s infuriated pacing. She smiles anxiously, “Let’s take a five or ten minute break, and then we’ll come back and finish the game, okay?”
Silence. For a long moment.
“C’mon,” Angel stands with a smile of amusement and understanding, gently grabbing Husk’s hand and pulling him away “let’s get you a drink.”
“Yea. Yea, I need a drink.”
They amble away. The remaining eyes slowly turn to Alastor. He tilts his head innocently.
“Whatever is the matter?”
Vaggie shoots up, jaw clenched,
“I’m taking a walk.”
The trashed parlor contains only Charlie, Alastor, and Pentious, who looks a little disturbed by the events that have just unfolded,
“I’ve heard people say before that Monopoly ends friendships… I didn’t think they were serious.”
“They weren’t!” Charlie responds quickly, before considering the extent of the situation, “Well… there’s a reason people say that, I guess.”
“It’s never ended any of my friendships.” Alastor declares smugly, “Mimzy and Rosie and I always had fun. Of course, Mimzy has other issues. I also played it with… some others back in the day, but Monopoly wasn’t the source of our problems. Zestial’s very good when I can get him to indulge, and—“
“How many overlords have you played monopoly with?!” Pentious seems torn halfway between impressed and confused.
“Current or previous overlords? That does change the answer. I actually used it to kill one, once! Isn’t that fun?”
“…right. Super fun!” Charlie manages, “I think maybe this game is over, though.”
“Oh, boo.”
“I know, I was having soooo much fun! Now, Pentious, let’s go check on our friends, and I,” Charlie gathers up the monopoly pieces very quickly and replaces them into the box, which she holds against her chest “will put this game away!”
Alastor watches her throw it in the trash. He’s not stupid. It doesn’t matter, though;
He has his own copy.