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Shouto knows he’s being difficult. Of course, he knows. It’s not a secret or anything. Shouto’d say it’s more like common knowledge, actually.
He’s been told many times he’s… not the easiest person to be around so he’s more than aware of it. Perhaps it’s also a reason for some of his confusion. Because the thing is that Shouto doesn’t understand social clues very well. Some time ago he didn’t understand them at all so he could probably call it progress.
His friends never complain about him… being himself? Shouto guesses it’s the simplest way to put it. He wouldn’t be surprised by them complaining. He wouldn’t even mind. Maybe he’d even kind of expected them to do it. He never heard even a single word of complaint though. Neither from his friends nor from Katsuki.
Speaking of Katsuki, Shouto believes he has to be one of the most patient people Shouto ever met. As Shouto’s boyfriend, Katsuki deals with a lot, and on a daily basis too. And, to be perfectly honest, Shouto feels bad because of it. Katsuki could do much better and, it hurts but it’s true nevertheless, he deserves much better. Shouto knows about it, he knows. And this knowledge pushes him to be better, to try, to… To not be so difficult.
1
Shouto isn’t sure if it’s the first time. Probably it doesn’t, probably Shouto did it before but he simply doesn’t remember it. Maybe the difference is that this one time it almost burns into Shouto’s memory. The fact how he reacts, the look on Katsuki’s face, the warm sensation of Katsuki’s skin against his… Shouto can’t even decide if it’s a bad or a good memory.
It happens when they’re coming back to the dorms. Katsuki says something about Kaminari and his newest idea of spicing up mundane student life which Katsuki describes as the dumbest shit I heard today. Shouto personally agrees but he’d probably use slightly different wording.
It’s nice. Being around Katsuki. Shouto feels comfortable and safe, and everything is just fine. Because, contrary to what people say about him, Katsuki is predictable. Shouto knows what to expect from him. Besides, Katsuki knows Shouto, knows him better than Shouto himself.
Katsuki isn’t very affectionate. Not only with Shouto but in general. He even seems to not like physical contact that much – he always pushes Ashido off when she tries to hug him. Actually, Shouto doesn’t recall any situation when Katsuki was engaged in any form of physical affection voluntarily.
So Shouto has every right to be surprised. Still, he doesn’t like his reaction. It’s not like he can control it in any way, of course, but…
“You free tomorrow?” Katsuki asks, as nonchalantly as ever. Shouto reconsiders for a moment and yes, he’s free tomorrow so he nods. “That’s good,” he hears and then…
Katsuki is slightly behind him, so Shouto can’t really see him. Or, in this particular situation, what he’s doing. Suddenly, there’s something around his hand and Shouto flinches. He stills then and for a moment or two, the only thought on his mind is it was some time since… He was getting better. He gets better. And still…
His eyes turn slowly to his hand and he glances at it for something that feels like eternity. There’s Katsuki’s hand holding his own. It’s Katsuki so it’s okay. Right?
He shifts his sight from their hands and locks it on Katsuki. It never happens, never with Katsuki, but suddenly Shouto feels like he’s drowning. In a sense, it’s a familiar feeling. But...
“I’m sorry,” Shouto says too quickly and too quietly. He’s pretty sure Katsuki doesn’t even catch it.
Then, Katsuki glances at him with a look Shouto really dislikes. It’s soft and gentle, like usual, but Shouto can’t pretend to not see how pained Katsuki’s expression is.
“Fuck,” Katsuki mutters and he retreats his hand. And…
Yes, it was sudden. Yes, Shouto didn’t expect that. Yes, he was startled and he’d love to be warned beforehand. But the thing is he didn’t dislike it. He didn’t, not even a little. He just…
Shouto catches the hand with two of his own and looking Katsuki straight in the eyes, he says, “It’s okay, I promise.”
“Yeah?” Katsuki inquiries, examining Shouto’s expression carefully. Shouto nods as he takes one of his hands away. It’s okay. It’s really okay so he nods again. Katsuki’s grasp on his hand gets firm then and Shouto thinks it feels really good. It’s warm and Shouto’s heart flutters a little. “Let’s go.”
They go. Katsuki doesn’t say much but he looks at Shouto by the corner of his eyes almost all the time. Just to be sure, he explains. And he is sure because the loose hold gradually gets firmer, and by the time they’re at the dorms, their fingers are intertwined closely.
“Thank you,” Shouto says.
Katsuki doesn’t ask. He doesn’t need to, sometimes he just knows.
2
The second time it happens, it’s plenty of people around them. It makes the whole situation much worse, obviously, but… It’s not that bad, actually. From the initial discomfort, it quickly turns out to be quite pleasant, after all.
Mina and the so-called Bakusquad organize the movie night. As a matter of fact, they do it quite regularly, but Shouto usually doesn’t attend. He doesn’t like the big gatherings and this is one. Still, from time to time, he leaves his room (or Katsuki’s room) and engages in social activities. Not his favourite way to spend his free time but he actually kind of likes it.
Sometimes, especially at the start, when Shouto doesn’t have enough time to accommodate, it’s difficult. Too many people, too many noises, too many questions, too many everything. But Shouto can deal with it and he does, most of the time at least.
The problem is that some of his friends are really expressive and Shouto doesn’t always know what to do with it. Some of them are rather… Shameless, Katsuki’d say.
Shouto isn’t comfortable with the way Kaminari grabs him by the arm to seat him on the couch or with Ashido petting his hair (and not even being in his line of sight) or with anyone else doing anything else. He doesn’t say anything though. It’s not that big deal, after all.
However, Shouto quickly discovers, that he can hide his feelings from himself but hiding them from Katsuki is much more challenging. Shouto didn’t manage to do it even once.
So when Kaminari is objectively too close, showing Shouto something on his phone, Katsuki pulls Shouto to himself, his hand secured on Shouto’s waist. It makes Shouto tense – just a little and just for a moment though.
“Okay?” Katsuki asks.
Shouto reconsiders. Sometimes he needs a little time for this kind of thing. Weeks ago, he’d just say “okay” without hesitation because he wasn’t allowed to not feel okay (or so he thought) but now he knows better. So he reconsiders and after a while, he says, “I’m fine.”
Katsuki hums next to him. It feels good, Shouto decides then. Different from holding hands (they started to do it quite regularly) but evenly… pleasant. Maybe it’s because Shouto just likes to be close to Katsuki. It’s probably a reason enough.
Kaminari seems to be less content with the current situation because he sulks, saying that Katsuki shouldn’t be so selfish and share Shouto with them a little. “I’m not fuckin’ sharing,” Katsuki replies though and Shouto leans more into him. That sounds about right.
It’s the end of the first movie (Shouto liked it a lot even if he didn’t understand everything) when Shouto discovers he’s quite fond of this kind of intimacy.
Katsuki’s hand still rests on Shouto’s waist, caressing it gently in a trained manner. Shouto head lies on Katsuki’s shoulder and he can smell the caramel scent clearly. From time to time, when Katsuki huffs or comments on something, Shouto can feel his breath against the skin.
“Having fun?” Katsuki asks when Ashido and others start to discuss what they’re gonna see next. Shouto isn’t sure but he thinks Katsuki just kissed his hair. It feels nice too. Shouto nods, smiling.
3
The third time it happens, Shouto has enough of everything and everyone. He’s tired, he almost died and everything sucks. Far from a favourable situation, that’s for sure.
They’re on their way back to the dorms. Katsuki didn’t say anything since their patrol. Shouto dealt with Aizawa’s evaluation, he dealt with Izuku’s worried looks, he dealt with inconvenient questions. Hell, he even dealt with the call from Endeavour. Still, Katsuki didn’t say anything. Shouto doesn’t like it – it almost feels like Katsuki’s mad at him. Maybe he is. He could, he even should.
“Shou,” Katsuki calls. Shouto stops, way too suddenly, and looks at Katsuki.
He observes silently as Katsuki lifts his hand slowly and when it touches Shouto’s cheek, he closes his eyes immediately, bracing himself. It’s fair, Shouto thinks. He really fucked up today. He did. But a few seconds pass, then a few changes into several and nothing happens.
Shouto’s eyes are still tightly closed when the hand start to caress his cheek tenderly. It’s weird, it’s so weird. Shouto doesn’t understand.
He did fuck up today. Katsuki has every right to be mad. Shouto deserves to…
He opens his eyes abruptly when the realization hits him. Katsuki looks at him and no, he isn’t mad. He isn’t mad at all. And suddenly, Shouto wants to laugh at his own stupidity. And maybe cry a little.
It’s stupid, it really is. Katsuki’d never hurt Shouto. Of course, he wouldn’t. He’s too kind and understanding, he…
“It’s fine,” Katsuki says, voice quiet but firm, as he pulls Shouto closer.
“It isn’t,” Shouto tries to argue. Because it isn’t. “I messed up.”
Katsuki sighs then, his hand moving from Shouto’s cheek to his hair as Katsuki starts to pet them gently. It still surprises Shouto to no end that the hands that could kill easily can be also so gentle and comforting.
“Happens all the time,” Katsuki says then. It doesn’t, Shouto wants to reply, but he knows Katsuki’s right.
He knows but there’s still this one small part of him which believes that yes, it happens all the time but no to Shouto. That Shouto can’t mess up, that he’s not allowed to make mistakes. That…
“It’s fine,” Katsuki repeats.
Then he ruffles Shouto’s hair and before he can comment on it, Katsuki’s lips touch his forehead.
Yeah, it’s fine.
4
When it happens the fourth time, Shouto feels like he’s thirteen again and he doesn’t like the feeling even a little. It gets better, though.
Shouto wakes up with a silent scream in his mouth and he immediately knows something is terribly wrong. He’d even say everything is terribly wrong. There’s a warm breath tickling his neck and that just can’t mean anything good. God, he doesn’t even know where he is. Or why he is here.
It’s not his room. He can’t see anything because it’s dark and the only sound he hears is a steady breath behind him. It’s a good thing, right? If he is asleep, then…
Shouto tries to move but a pair of strong arms are keeping him in the place. He squirms and he must look truly pathetic but that doesn’t matter. He can’t stay here. He’s not gonna go through it again.
Then, he grabs one of the arms holding him and moves it away with more force than needed. The person next to him lets out some muffled noises but is still asleep. Good, it’s good. It’s all good. Now, Shouto just needs to leave, go back home and never think about it again. It’s a quite decent plan, isn’t it?
The moment Shouto forces himself to sit down and manages to locate the door in the darkness, someone moves behind him. Before he has the time to really think about it, Shouto’s body moves on its own. A sharp piece of ice appears in his right hand and his arm moves quickly.
He gets swiftly stopped though because the man grabs his wrist and then the pair of shiny eyes see right through him. He should use his quirk or just go for it and run away, he should but he just can’t move even for an inch. God, why? Why now? Why…
“I really appreciate the sentiment, ya know?”, Shouto hears and he stills. This voice is not his. This voice…
“Katsuki?” He asks and the man sighs… softly. It’s Katsuki. It’s Katsuki and… Shouto’s grip on the ice loosens and when Katsuki uses his other hand to retrieve it, Shouto doesn’t stop him.
“It’s me,” Katsuki says then as he holds Shouto’s hand. “It’s just me, yeah, princess?”
Shouto nods and Katsuki probably can’t see it because it’s still dark. He looks away, saying, “I’m sorry.” He hears Katsuki humming in response, pulling Shouto closer. “I didn’t mean to,” he adds.
“I know,” Katsuki replies, his voice still a little raspy, but steady and comforting. “I know, Shou.”
Then, Shouto is pulled even closer to him, and Shouto doesn’t really want to be touched right now but it’s… Actually, it’s fine. Because it’s Katsuki and he always makes things better, makes even the worst stuff bearable. It’s okay and even if it’s not…
“It’ll be fine,” Katsuki says, his hand petting Shouto’s hair. “You’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.”
Shouto doesn’t reply with anything but… he believes Katsuki. He believes him. Instead of a verbal response, he chooses to nuzzle more into the crook of Katsuki’s neck, letting his boyfriend take care of the rest.
5
When it happens for the fifth time, Shouto thinks a lot about it. Maybe he even overthinks it. Until he can’t think about anything at all.
It’s really nice, Shouto decides. It took him some time to come to this particular conclusion – he really, really likes it when Katsuki touches him. It doesn’t even matter how and where because it always feels so good that Shouto thinks he’s dying a little. Maybe he is.
Right now, for example, Katsuki trails kisses through his neck and Shouto can’t stop little noises escaping his mouth. Katsuki doesn’t seem to mind them though because Shouto can feel him smiling against Shouto’s shoulder. Then, Katsuki leaves his neck for a moment and cups his face with both hands.
“God, you’re so beautiful, princess,” he says and Shouto almost gasps. It’s not like Katsuki didn’t say it before because he did, and he actually does it pretty often. Still, it makes Shouto feel like he’s floating. “So fuckin’ pretty,” Katsuki continues and he swiftly leans in, pressing a soft kiss against Shouto’s lips. God, he’s gonna die at this rate.
Then he pulls away and Shouto can’t even articulate the things he sees in Katsuki’s red eyes. He can’t but somehow he thinks he knows. He knows because his eyes probably look exactly the same. It’s just too scary to actually say it.
Because Shouto is scared a lot around Katsuki. He’s terrified, to be honest. Shouto never even dreamt of having something like this, of having someone as special as Katsuki. But there he is – held by Katsuki, kissed by him, being told how pretty he looks. So of course, he’s scared – scared of losing it all, of being alone again, of not having Katsuki anymore.
Maybe he doesn’t need to worry about it so much though. Because…
“Fuckin’ gorgeous,” Katsuki mutters as he leans, nipping at Shouto’s ear. His hands trail over Shouto’s body and Shouto feels like he’s burning. Not like he was burning over the years though. This kind of burn Shouto truly loves and he just can’t get enough of it.
Then there are more sweet nothing whispered against Shouto’s skin, more kisses, more nipping, more lingering touches, more caramel scent around him, more everything. And this scares him as well – because the touch never felt that good and because Shouto for the whole years thought the touch wasn’t supposed to feel anything but bad. It was always supposed to hurt and it hurt so much. But when Katsuki holds him and touches him, and kisses him…
It doesn’t hurt. It feels good. And Shouto is horrified because he doesn’t want it to ever end.
+1
Katsuki’s quite observant and it’s not a secret for anyone who knows him. The thing is that he quickly notices the small things in Shouto’s reactions and his overall attitude. These are minor details and most people probably aren’t aware of them at all. They don’t have to but Katsuki does. Because he’s a fuckin’ good boyfriend and he’s not gonna fuck shit up with Shouto.
At first, he just thought Shouto didn’t really care about physical contact. It turned out it was bullshit. The second thought was that Shouto is extremely against any form of affection. Once again, bullshit.
Shouto likes the touch and affection. He doesn’t even need to say it because Katsuki isn’t a moron and he knows he’s doing fuckin’ great if Shouto just melts in his hands. The problem is... Shouto is afraid of touch as well.
It was one hell of a discovery, way too sudden and kinda devastating. It turned out quite well though – they were holding hands for the next forty minutes or something like that, and Katsuki was smiling like an idiot. Overall, the success. But not exactly.
Shouto flinched only because Katsuki tried to hold his hand. After the initial shock and fuckin’ butterflies that came later, Katsuki was thinking about it a lot. The conclusion came quickly. It’s not even that weird if you think about it. Shouto’s life was fucked up in so many ways that Katsuki could probably expect that.
Much later, he discovered Shouto really likes just any form of physical contact. And who is Katsuki to deny him that? It’s quite the contrary, Katsuki indulges him as much as he can.
The thing is that Shouto won’t initiate the shit. He didn’t do that even once and it’s not like that’s some kind of big deal for Katsuki. It isn’t. If he’s the only one to start stuff, it’s okay. Besides, he’s as patient as a fuckin’ saint. And sometimes, when it comes to Shouto, the only thing you need to do is to wait a little.
“Hey there,” Katsuki says as he ruffles Shouto’s hair.
“Hello,” Shouto says back and he has a look on his face.
Katsuki knows all the looks Shouto’s pretty face can be decorated with. He even has the list – only in his mind, but it counts nevertheless. This look is number twenty-three and it’s labelled as I want something but I don’t know if I can want this but I really want it so after some time I won’t give a single fuck. Katsuki likes this one, especially for the fact it’s the more confident look from these that start with I want (there are eight of them).
So there they are – Katsuki waits and Shouto overthinks the shit out of him. It’s like that for a few minutes and it probably should feel awkward as hell but it doesn’t. Then, Shouto lifts his gaze from his own hands to Katsuki’s face and it’s I don’t give a single fuck look on him. He moves closer and there’s a pout on his mouth but what he’s pouting for Katsuki has no idea.
Shouto moves his arms in the most uncoordinated manner Katsuki ever saw and he wraps them around Katsuki’s neck. And maybe Katsuki’s kinda surprised but he’s quick to accommodate to just anything so he hugs Shouto back and settles his head on Shouto’s shoulder.
“What’s the occasion?” Katsuki asks, trying to hide his smile. He fails miserably.
“There’s no occasion,” Shouto replies, nuzzling closer to Katsuki. “Just felt like that.”
And well, if Katsuki’s damn proud of his pretty boyfriend, it’s only for him and Shouto to know.