Chapter Text
Jennie tapped her fingers on the clean surface of the kitchen island, slowly, with a gentle rhythm. Her gaze remained fixed on the printed images neatly lined up in front of her, conflicting emotions flickering in her eyes.
The ticking of the wall clock soon wasn’t the only sound filling the room, joined by Lisa’s careful footsteps as she walked through the living room. Jennie had been expecting her, no longer bothering to stay alert for the doorbell since the day she had given Lisa the code to access the place.
Lisa’s eyes were bright, her smile radiant as she appeared by the kitchen doorway.
Until she met Jennie’s firm stare.
Lisa’s lips formed a straight line then, eyebrows raising questioningly.
“Everything okay?”
Jennie didn’t say anything at first. She pulled away from her initial position, sitting up with her back straight. “Is there anything that shouldn’t be okay?”
“Uh, I’m not sure. It kinda feels like it.”
“Oh, good,” Jennie smiled, standing on her feet with her arms crossed. “There won’t be any surprises then.”
Lisa gulped.
“Well… what is it?” she asked cautiously.
“Remember a few weeks ago, when I told you about Ella’s crazy plans?”
Lisa nodded.
“You know, her newfound dream of breaking into the acting world straight out of high school and all,” Jennie explained, her disdain for Ella’s ambitions evident in her tone. She slowly began to step around the kitchen island.
“Ah, yes,” Lisa said with a nervous smile. “I remember.”
Ella was a mini-Jennie through and through. Jennie had always known that. Given the pressure her parents had put on Ella’s future, it was only a matter of time before Ella decided to stray away from their clutches and find her own way. And it was also expected for her to want Jennie’s support, going by the fact that Ella was sort of following in her footsteps.
But when her precious sister confessed her plans to ditch university to pursue an acting career, Jennie had tried her very best to dissuade her from going down that route.
It shouldn’t have been shocking. Ella hated school and loved being the centre of attention. Spending her next few years stuck in academics was never going to be her preferred choice. But going into a field where nothing was certain, without even a safety net, was not something Jennie could ever approve of.
“Then you also remember how I was very much against the idea of her diving headfirst into the entertainment world.”
Jennie had argued a lot with Ella over her impulsive plans. Lisa had been there to hear her frustration.
“Hmm,” Lisa nodded, slowly walking backwards as Jennie made steps forward.
“Well, wouldn’t you guess? Ella is in Japan for an audition!” Jennie laughed dryly.
“Oh? That’s great.”
“Yeah, great,” Jennie continued, eyes momentarily going back to the folder of photos. “It’s so great that she found someone so willing to help her take high-quality headshots for her applications.”
“Yep.”
“Incredibly professional work. Ella doesn’t have those kinds of contacts in showbiz, so I was surprised she could get hold of someone so quickly.”
“Right? Must’ve had an ace up her sleeve.”
“Why are you running away?”
“I’m not running away,” Lisa laughed nervously.
“You’re walking away.”
“I’m not!” Lisa insisted, ensuring to mirror all of Jennie’s movements.
“Stop moving then.”
“Well, stop chasing me!”
“I’m not chasing you!”
Even before she finished her sentence, Jennie’s feet moved of their own accord, rushing to catch her panicking girlfriend. Lisa’s eyes widened comically, running in circles around the island, changing direction whenever Jennie did.
“We can do this diplomatically!”
“Diplomatically?” Jennie shouted, her steps never a match to Lisa’s long strides. “There’s nothing diplomatic about siding with my delusional sister!”
“Not THAT delusional!”
Jennie finally stood still, pressing her palms on the countertop as she stared directly across. “Lisa.”
“Yes, my love?”
“How did she convince you?”
Lisa rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, I wouldn’t say convince is the right word.”
“Then?”
“She sent me a sort of… threatening email?” she said unsure.
Jennie sighed. “Saying what?”
“Saying that she’d stop talking to you if I didn’t agree, and that it would make you sad, and that technically it would be my fault for turning her down, and that I’d be a bad girlfriend for making you sad,” Lisa listed under pressure. “She also claimed it would be in my best interests to stay in her good graces.”
“What does that even mean?”
Lisa shrugged. “Well, she said that on our wedding day—I mean, hypothetical… wedding day—uhm, she would stand up to object. Well, if I didn’t take her photos, that is.”
Jennie rolled her eyes. “Typical, dramatic Ella.”
“Takes after you.”
“Hey!” Jennie complained, although a small smile started pulling at her lips. “You should be used to dealing with that then.”
“I am.”
“Then why did you accept?”
“Well… she was right about you being sad. I know you love your sister very much, and I know it upsets you when she pushes you away. I thought that… maybe a few photos wouldn’t hurt if it helped maintain your relationship with Ella peaceful.”
With a deep breath and warmth spreading in her chest, Jennie propped her elbows on the countertop, resting her jaw on her palms and curling her fingers against her cheeks. “What am I going to do with you?”
“As long as you’re not mad at me, you can do anything really.”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Right. Am I good to approach, then?”
Jennie held out a hand, finally smiling. “Come here.”
Lisa didn’t hesitate after that.
Jennie’s fingers found their way around Lisa’s neck, pulling her closer to kiss her tenderly. She felt Lisa’s body relax under her touch, arms wrapping around her waist with familiarity. This was probably what she had been waiting for since she had walked through the door.
“How could my teenage sister blackmail my softie of a girlfriend like this?” she whined, kissing both of Lisa’s cheeks.
“I’m not a softie,” Lisa mumbled. “I just didn’t want Ella to hold a grudge.”
“Oh, she can keep her grudge as I drag her by the ear across Japan,” Jennie said. “She’s not getting away with this.”
“You want her to go to university that badly?”
“It’s not that,” Jennie sighed. “The entertainment industry is not kind, Lisa. I know she’s talented and I know she works hard, but there are kids out there that will get roles for simply being born in the right family. Seeing Ella’s disappointment will break my heart.”
“I don’t think Ella is expecting it to be easy.”
“No, but she’s also playing by the rules. In the time she’s studying scripts and preparing for auditions, someone out there is making a call to the director to get in before she even gets a chance.”
“Are you saying she should start playing dirty?” Lisa said amused.
“I’m saying that maybe having a backup plan won’t hurt!”
Lisa kissed Jennie’s pout away.
“Someone once told me that settling for any career won’t satisfy me in the long run,” Lisa teased. “Something about doing what makes me happy, if I recall correctly.”
“Lisa, I pushed you to be a photographer. Not a K-Pop idol. Your ambitions were not out of reach.”
“Hey, I could have been an idol if I wanted to!” Lisa argued playfully. “But Ella is young. She barely started to figure out what she enjoys doing. Let her try, at least. If it works out, then great. Otherwise, she’ll have the best sister in the world to help her find her next steps.”
Jennie hummed, nodding her head as she leaned closer, arms circling Lisa’s shoulders.
“You must be really scared of Ella objecting to our hypothetical wedding,” Jennie joked. “Fighting her corner using my own words against me.”
“I’m not fighting her corner,” Lisa insisted, though she didn’t deny the former half of Jennie’s statement. “I happen to be in love with you, which makes me hugely biased, if that wasn’t clear.”
“You’re not siding with Ella then?”
“I’ll always side with you,” Lisa kissed her temple. “Even when you’re a little insane.”
Jennie smiled, knowing that Lisa was being completely honest.
“Okay. Fine. You win. I’ll let her be.”
“To prove you’re not a little insane?”
“Do you want me to start chasing you again?”
----
When Lisa made the significant decision of changing her career, moving away from the comfort of all she had even known, Jennie had been delighted. More than anything, she had wanted to see Lisa thrive, wherever her heart led her.
But beneath her excitement hid a trace of fear. It was normal, she assumed, to be worried that things would not work out the way she envisioned. The chances of Lisa hating her new job, resenting Jennie for encouraging the switch, and ultimately leaving her were… slim, but still possible regardless.
Thankfully, the results of that big change were visible almost immediately. Jennie wasn’t sure how to describe it.
Lisa was glowing. Whenever she spoke about her day, there was a new level of excitement in her voice. Jennie would never get tired of hearing Lisa talk about all the little things she was learning from Jackson, even when she had no clue of what any of it meant.
It was incredibly refreshing to see Lisa genuinely enjoying her new role, a stark contrast from how her days used to be described.
Jennie didn’t see her much at work. Although their hours now overlapped, Lisa’s role often required her to travel to various sites for photo sessions, meaning that Jennie had to wait until the end of the day to finally have her to herself.
But there were always exceptions. On days when Lisa was only a couple of floors away, working at the photoshoot set they had available in the main building, Jennie would slip away from her office, eagerly taking the lift to the first floor without anyone questioning her.
Of course, Jennie would never get in the way of Lisa’s work. She’d walk around the set, running her fingers through the various pieces of clothing neatly laid out, greeting familiar faces who probably assumed she was there to help out with outfits.
Sometimes she did. Most of the times, she only waited until she caught Lisa’s eye to abandon the pretence of being there for anyone but her girlfriend.
Lisa was usually good at spotting her. But when she was fully immersed in her work, going through photos on her laptop and analysing every little detail, Jennie simply approached her quietly from behind, leaning in until her chin hovered just above Lisa’s shoulder.
It was always amusing to see her jump, her little bubble bursting.
But the smile that followed… Jennie longed to see it every day.
Lisa always left space at the table she occupied, pulling out the chair next to her for Jennie to sit.
They were strictly professional, Jennie would insist. They wouldn’t get too close, always appearing like nothing more than two coworkers. But if anyone were to observe closely, Lisa’s loving gaze would become painfully obvious.
Unless, of course, they were too dense to take a hint.
“Hey Lisa, are you off soon?”
Jennie’s eyes instantly moved to the new arrival. Makeup professionally done, hair curled, outfit picked meticulously—all clear signs of being one of the models on set.
“In about an hour,” Lisa responded politely.
While Lisa moved to face the girl, Jennie leaned back on her chair, seemingly uninterested.
“It’s been a long day. Want to grab a drink with me?” the girl asked with a suggestive tone, palms pressing on the table as she leaned forward.
Jennie looked away.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to pass, Miyeon,” Lisa said almost automatically, as though she hadn’t really considered the offer in the first place. “I have to pick up my girlfriend from work.”
The corners of Jennie’s mouth twitched just slightly.
“Oh, again? That’s a shame,” Miyeon said, not dropping the flirtatious tone. “I’m sure your girlfriend doesn’t need you to pick her up.”
“She doesn’t, you’re right, but I want to.” Lisa shrugged. “I have a feeling she likes to watch me drive.”
Jennie almost rolled her eyes.
“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
Miyeon winked as she walked away. Jennie was somewhat impressed the girl hadn’t tripped in those ridiculously high heels.
“Well, aren’t you popular, Ms Manoban?” Jennie said humorously, finally letting a smile show. “Poor Miyeon. She must have been expecting that drink.”
“She’ll survive,” Lisa replied, finding her cursor on the screen. Then, more quietly, she added, “But I won’t if I don’t get to go home straight after this.”
Home.
And Jennie knew she didn’t refer to a place. From the fond look that Lisa sent her way, the intention was meant to be clear.
“Then I’ll let you get back to work,” Jennie said softly, “so you can do just that.”
----
Clocking out had always been Jennie’s favourite part of the day. And in some ways, that hadn’t changed.
But leaving work wasn’t exactly what she looked forward to the most anymore. In the lift, Jennie pressed one of the buttons marked with a minus sign, her daily routine now changed to make room for the underground parking lot.
Lisa always got there first. Jennie found her sitting in the car already, bobbing her head to the radio as she waited. And the second Jennie opened the passenger seat door, Lisa’s eyes immediately lit up, greeting her with the widest grin.
Receiving a welcoming kiss after a long day, followed by a mumbled I missed you against her skin… that was what Jennie cherished the most.
The ride home was never quiet. Jennie wanted to hear every detail of Lisa’s day, whether it was an in-depth description or a brief summary. Lisa patiently sat through Jennie’s retelling of hers, even though it ended up being a rant most of the time.
“I have this online safety training thing tomorrow. I’ll probably have to leave later, so you don’t have to wait for me.”
“Why do you need online safety training?”
“I clicked one of those fake phishing emails from HR,” Jennie grumbled. “I rarely even read their emails, and the one time I do—this is what I get!”
“Jennie, the email ended with Have a day.”
“I just thought they were in a bitchy mood. Sometimes I take away the Kind from my Kind regards when I’m pissed.”
“Maybe you do need that training.”
“It’s not like I gave them my bank details,” Jennie argued defensively. “I just… clicked a link.”
“Uh-huh,” Lisa hummed. “That’s exactly what you shouldn’t be doing.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m still picking you up though. Maybe I’ll grab you some dinner before you finish.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to get a drink with Miyeon instead?” Jennie added with sarcasm.
“Hmm, so it did bother you,” Lisa smiled slightly. “You hide your jealousy much better than I do.”
“And yet you still noticed,” Jennie commented.
“I notice everything about you.”
And Jennie knew that to be true. There wasn’t much she could hide from Lisa. Being with her was… easy. It wasn’t something controlled, something that Jennie had to dictate. Everything happened effortlessly, in a way that was almost scary.
They didn’t move in together.
Lisa would drive up to Jennie’s area first, dropping her off right in front of the building and ensuring to watch her go through the main doors before she left.
But then… Jennie started asking her to stay for a bit. Occasionally at the start, until it gradually became a regular request.
Initially, Lisa would leave after dinner. Then Jennie would insist on having some evening cuddles, and she’d stay a couple more hours. And sometimes they just went from cuddling to making out, ending up in Jennie’s bedroom for more than a couple of hours, and at that point it didn’t make sense for Lisa to leave.
In her last relationship, Jennie had waited a full year before officially moving in with Taeyang. Before that, she’d spent a few nights at his place, but nowhere near as often as Lisa stayed at hers. It made Jennie wonder if she was crossing a line by wanting Lisa to be around so much. Or if by someone else’s standards, she was growing too attached.
But when Jennie asked Chaeyoung if their relationship seemed like it was moving too fast, her friend advised to just focus on whether it felt like the right pace. She insisted that only she and Lisa could be the judge of that.
It only made it more difficult for Jennie to figure it out. Truthfully, she wouldn’t bat an eye if Lisa packed her things and permanently moved in.
Taking her own advice, the only way to get rid of her doubts was to tell Lisa about her worries.
“A lease is just our names on a piece of paper,” Lisa said to her. As opposed to Jennie, Lisa was very laidback when discussing the topic of how often she was staying over. “If it bothers you, I can stay more at my place. If it doesn’t, I’ll hang around longer. We don’t have to work out the finer details right now. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than what you want it to, Jennie.”
And just like that, everything fell back into place. Lisa had been doing it since the moment they met. Jennie would freak out about something in particular, and Lisa would make her feel like her life wasn’t falling apart over it. It scared her sometimes. How could someone suit her so much? Lisa was simply everything she could have ever wished for.
Considering that, Jennie shouldn’t have been hesitating to speak about her biggest insecurity after they got back together. The persistent gnawing thought that made her anxious more than anything else.
Jennie had lost count of how many times Lisa had said I love you. She did it at any time, without warning, whenever she felt like saying it. And no matter how many times Jennie heard it, she knew she could never get enough.
Other than being the most understanding person in the world, Lisa was also extremely patient. Even though Jennie was yet to say those three little words, Lisa never made her feel pressured to say it back. She also never sent her texts saying it, likely because she didn’t want Jennie to feel awkward coming up with a reply.
Lisa probably didn’t know, but Jennie never felt uncomfortable. Hearing Lisa say I love you meant the world to her. Perhaps that was why her doubts only ever faded when she was around Lisa, because she ensured to make Jennie feel loved in any way she could.
Something must have been lost in translation, though.
Suddenly, Lisa stopped saying it.
Jennie wanted to ask. But although she noticed it instantly, the change wasn’t abrupt or obvious enough to address it.
Lisa still treated Jennie the same way, and maybe that was the most annoying part. The hugs, the kisses, and the sex were still very much present in their relationship, yet the only missing part was the casual I love you dropped in-between.
Jennie tried not to let it hurt. When Lisa had to leave her apartment, Jennie pretended it was fine just to receive a kiss and a goodbye. Or when Lisa ended a call with “see you soon” instead of her usual loving words, Jennie told herself it didn’t matter. Even when Jennie surprised her with her favourite dish for dinner, she accepted the grateful thank you instead of the words she got so used to hearing.
Not so soon, Jennie thought in panic. Not when it just started.
Maybe Lisa worked too much now and didn’t have time to unwind. Maybe Jennie wasn’t showing her enough care and attention, and Lisa didn’t feel a reason to say it anymore.
Or perhaps Lisa believed she said it enough times on her own.
The more Jennie pondered the change, the more she felt like the problem. She wasn’t sure if asking Lisa directly would have made her feel better, too afraid of the answer she’d receive.
So, with no power over the chaos in her head, Jennie prioritised the one thing she could control. The moments when they were together, the instances where she could focus entirely on how she made Lisa feel rather than the likelihood of those feelings changing when she wasn’t there. Jennie wouldn’t let anything take that from her.
Being a new hire, Lisa wasn’t exactly in a position to be a lead photographer. However, Jackson still valued her skills and trusted her with the editing stage of his work. The greatest advantage was that Lisa didn’t have to be stuck in the office, having the freedom to spend a few hours at home making any corrections.
Jennie wasn’t surprised anymore when she returned from her nighttime routine and found Lisa with her laptop on her legs, back resting against the headboard and eyes fixed on whatever editing software she had open. For some reason, seeing her so focused on getting every detail right was incredibly attractive. Lisa had that look of determination that inevitably sparked something inside her, so bright and loud that Jennie couldn’t contain it.
“You look hot,” she mentioned casually.
Lisa’s lips curved up hearing her. “Thank you. So do you.”
“You’re not even looking at me,” Jennie said, climbing onto her side of the bed and kissing Lisa’s shoulder. “How much do you have left?”
As Lisa closed her browser and editing programs, a detail caught Jennie’s eye.
“Is this your work laptop?”
“Yes.”
“And you put this as your wallpaper?”
“Yeah. Is something wrong with it?”
Jennie pressed her face against Lisa’s arm and giggled. “No, no… I just didn’t expect it.”
Seeing her own smiling face in high definition definitely caught Jennie off guard. The photo was taken by Lisa like usual, on a day where they decided to get some food and eat by the Han River.
“The sunset was beautiful that day,” Jennie mused, eyes lingering on the pink hues of the sky in awe. Lisa had captured the moment so well.
“Was it? I didn’t really pay attention.” Jennie pinched Lisa’s side, making her laugh. “Can you blame me?”
“I’m flattered, I guess,” Jennie said. “As long as you don’t feel embarrassed about it.”
“Why would I be embarrassed of having a beautiful girlfriend?”
By the time she finished speaking, Lisa was already shutting down her laptop, placing it on top of the nightstand beside her. Jennie raised an eyebrow.
“You’re done already?”
“I was just killing time while waiting for you. I’m not gonna be that person who brings work to bed, Jennie.”
Jennie rested her chin on Lisa’s shoulder, staring at her through her lashes. “You sure?”
Lisa traced her jaw with her index, tilting Jennie’s head up until her lips were angled perfectly to be kissed. “Very sure. And just to be clear, I don’t need to look at you to know you continue to be the sexiest girl in the world.”
“Is that so?” As she kissed her again, Jennie slid her hand underneath Lisa’s cotton shirt. Her thumb rubbed against her stomach, while her remaining fingers pushed past the waistband of her sweatpants. “You wouldn’t mind turning the lights off then?”
Lisa’s breath hitched in anticipation.
It didn’t take long for Jennie to take charge, pushing Lisa down and continuing to kiss her like her life depended on it. She didn’t want to stop for anything, not even for Lisa to take her clothes off fully. Her wrist might make her feel the consequences of that decision later on, but Jennie didn’t care.
And yet there was something else. A thought that persisted on her mind, no matter how much Jennie tried to push it away. One moment she listened attentively to the addictive sounds leaving Lisa’s lips, and the next she felt an overwhelming pressure to do more. An urgency to make sure it was enough, that she was enough.
And when Lisa whimpered in pleasure, Jennie was glad her hand didn’t go numb so that she could still feel her orgasm on her fingers.
Jennie should’ve felt satisfied. Proud, even.
Only one thing was missing.
Jennie wasn’t aware of how much it was affecting her until Lisa switched their positions, kissing down her body and guiding her legs apart. Until Lisa’s touch was hot on her skin but still left her feeling empty inside. Until her tongue was tasting every part of her and still felt like it wasn’t enough, lacking what Jennie truly needed.
It was humiliating.
Because Jennie wasn’t the only one who noticed.
When she felt a tentative touch on her head, Lisa didn’t hesitate to pull away and move back up.
“What's wrong?” Lisa asked delicately. Like she was scared of Jennie breaking apart. Like she knew something had been wrong since the start.
“I can’t…” Jennie whined, biting her lip in frustration. “I can’t… if you don’t say it.”
She could pretend all the other occasions were fine, but not this one. In their most intimate moments, Jennie needed to hear it the most. The hollow feeling in her chest was unbearable.
Just then, Jennie hated herself for asking Lisa to turn off the lights. She needed to see her face so badly. Even a glimpse of her eyes would have sufficed.
“Say what?” Lisa kissed her cheek.
“The thing you always say.”
Jennie couldn’t confirm it in the dark, but she was pretty sure she felt Lisa’s lips form a smile against her skin. “And what’s that?”
“Lisa…”
“That you’re beautiful?”
Jennie shook her head. Lisa’s thigh pressed between her legs.
“That I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have you?”
“Lisa.”
“That you make me the happiest I’ve ever been?”
Jennie’s hips lifted off the mattress of their own accord, rubbing against Lisa’s thigh harder.
She was so close.
If only Lisa said it.
“Please…”
It seemed like Lisa was tired of dragging it out too.
So, when she whispered “I love you” right before kissing her, Jennie finally felt the impact of the prolonged buildup, finding her release in a matter of seconds. Lisa’s mouth was muffling her moans, but as Jennie’s nails scratched hard against her back, she inevitably had to pull back.
Moments passed, and Jennie wasn’t sure of how long she spent silently staring at the ceiling, her chest rising and falling steadily. Lisa didn’t say anything either, lying on her side and holding Jennie’s hand on top of her stomach.
Jennie didn’t announce her departure when she got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom. She was too embarrassed to speak a single word. She used the toilet and washed her hands and cleaned her face, but the shame didn’t leave her.
As she stared at her eyes through the mirror, she only felt pathetic.
“You’re such a joke,” she told herself, laughing dryly.
A new item had been added to Jennie’s list of humiliating moments she’d think about for the rest of her life. Not being able to come until your girlfriend said she loves you. Extremely embarrassing. How could she ever face Lisa after that?
Jennie already had to live with the knowledge of feeling like that. But now, on top of that, Lisa knew too.
Pacing around the bathroom seemed like her way of avoiding Lisa for longer. Maybe, if she was lucky, Lisa would fall asleep while she was gone.
Jennie hadn’t expected her girlfriend to be caring enough to come check on her. Why did Lisa have to be so good to her?
After two knocks and hearing Jennie say the door was unlocked, Lisa walked in and closed the door behind her. Jennie waited for her to say something about what had just happened. To ask Jennie what the hell was wrong with her. But Lisa didn’t
With her back pressed against the door and a timid smile on her face, Lisa asked, “do you want to take a bath?”
----
Who would have thought that at her age, balancing the stress from work and the worries in her relationship, Jennie would find her peace in a bubble bath.
Lisa did everything for her. She let the bathtub fill with hot water and added lavender oil to help with relaxation. She then undressed herself and stepped in the water, checking that the temperature was kind to the skin. After that, she sat down against the end of the tub, her elbow resting against the edge of it as she held her hand out.
“Join me?”
“You shouldn’t get your hair wet if you’re going to sleep after,” Jennie commented as she took her top off.
“I’ll be fine,” Lisa said calmly.
Jennie finished removing her last piece of clothing before she approached the tub. Holding Lisa’s hand for balance, she stepped in the water.
Lisa’s legs made space for her to sit between them. When she sat down, Jennie felt strong arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her until her back lay against Lisa’s chest.
“Better,” Lisa said, kissing the side of Jennie’s head.
Jennie closed her eyes and hummed contently, letting Lisa’s arms slide down and circle her chest, low enough for Jennie to lace her hands over them.
Yet again, Lisa could tell exactly how Jennie felt, as well as what to do to make her feel better. How else could she have figured out that Jennie needed to unwind in that moment? Or more specifically, that a bath would do the trick. Usually, Jennie would have trusted sleep to do its thing instead.
And if Lisa was making the effort to understand her and to communicate more in their relationship, why should Jennie be afraid of doing the same?
“Can I talk to you about something?”
“Always,” Lisa said without hesitation.
Jennie opened her eyes again, letting out a long breath in preparation for what she was about to say. Admittedly, being in the arms of someone she trusted with her life made it much easier.
“After Taeyang said he fell out of love with me, I tried to think of the last time he told me that he loved me.”
“What about it?”
“I couldn’t remember. He stopped saying it and I didn’t notice. And it drives me insane because that’s something you should pay attention to in a relationship.”
Lisa didn’t reply for a few seconds. She probably didn’t expect the topic of Jennie’s ex being brought up again.
“I thought it bothered you. Sometimes you just freeze when I say it, so I thought it was too early,” Lisa admitted, her voice careful as she explained her sudden omission of the phrase. She pressed a kiss to Jennie’s head. “But not saying it didn’t change anything. I love you, Jennie. Always. No matter what.”
Jennie exhaled slowly, frustrated that her own doubts made Lisa think she’d done something wrong. “That’s because every time you said it, I suddenly thought… well, what would make you stop? What if one day I don’t make you feel in love anymore? Because that’s the difference, Lisa.” Her voice trembled, almost breaking. “If you were to fall out of love with me, it would completely destroy me.”
The love Jennie had felt for Taeyang didn’t even come close to what Jennie felt now. In a way, Jennie had given Lisa free access to her heart. At any moment, Lisa could break it into a million pieces, and Jennie wasn’t sure if she could stop her.
“I’d never do anything to hurt you,” Lisa said quietly, but with clear confidence.
“You don’t know that, not now. Say, in five years, your mind might change. And it scares me because I might not be able to prevent it from happening.”
“If I’m with you in five years you’d have a ring on your finger, Jennie.” The seriousness in Lisa’s voice made Jennie’s head turn back, only to be met with a fond gaze. “And I think you’re forgetting something very important.”
“What?”
“That I fell in love with you twice already. And the first time you didn’t even know I existed. That’s how easy it is for me to fall in love with you.”
“That was a crush,” Jennie retorted. “It wasn’t love.”
“I think it was definitely love in the standards of a teenager. I know it’s hard to believe, but that’s how I felt. Although, I think what I have with you now is my favourite kind of love.”
“Yeah?”
“And even if by some extremely unlikely chance I won’t feel the same way, I wouldn’t worry when it comes to me. You’d make me fall back in love in no time.”
“You put it too easily.”
“Well, if we’re being honest here, I should be the one worried. You might find someone that ticks all your boxes and leave me.”
“What?” Jennie almost yelled indignantly.
Lisa laughed humorously, but Jennie didn’t find it funny.
“What do you think went through my head every time you came back from a date? I was dreading hearing you say you found the love of your life.”
Jennie sat up straighter, shifting until she was face-to-face with Lisa, careful not to let water spill from the tub. “You’re serious?”
“Yes. I had a hard time feeling bad for your failed dates while also being relieved no one swept you off your feet.”
“Why did you never ask me out? You know, after I told you I also date women.”
“Ruining our friendship. Guilt over hiding that I was the one who confessed to you. Not being good enough for you,” Lisa listed, counting on her fingers. “I’d say plenty of reasons. Especially after you said you were looking for your Mr or Miss Perfect when your exes are literal models and I flipped burgers for a living.”
Jennie held Lisa’s face with both hands, droplets of water running down her arms and Lisa’s neck. “I would have picked you.”
“I’m far from perfect.”
“People aren’t,” Jennie said, remembering Lisa’s words from months ago. “But relationships can be.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you could find any person who seems like the ideal partner, and they still wouldn’t be good enough for me. You asked me what my type was once, right?”
Lisa nodded.
“Well, that’s not something you can tell from a person on their own. I’ve come to realise that I’ll only know if someone is right for me depending on how they are in a relationship with me.”
Seeing the spark of interest in Lisa’s eyes, Jennie continued to explain.
“I want someone who will continue to cherish and support me, no matter where life takes me. Like Ryujin is to Lia. Somebody I will always gravitate towards, no matter the highs and lows. Like Jisoo is to Chaeyoung. And I also want someone who every day makes me wish for another tomorrow together. Someone I want to spend my present and future with, without a single doubt. Like Tzuyu is to Sana.”
Jenne leaned forward to kiss her.
“And most importantly, I want someone who feels like home,” she laughed quietly. “Regardless of whether we’re in a house that’s falling apart or a luxury penthouse.” She touched Lisa’s nose playfully. “That’s who you are to me, Lisa. Combined with all of the above.”
Lisa grabbed her hand and held it against her cheek with a bashful smile.
“And you said I was the one good with words.” She turned her head to kiss Jennie’s hand. “I love you.”
There, naked in a bathtub with the girl that owned her heart, Jennie finally said what she had been meaning to from the start. It was new, different from any other feeling she had experienced before, yet she was finally ready to embrace it for what it was.
“I love you too. Sometimes I’m afraid you won’t believe me if I say it, because truthfully, I’m not sure what I love you means anymore. But I hope you trust me when I say that what we have now feels a lot like it.”
Pulling her by the hand, Lisa guided Jennie’s arms around her shoulders, ensuring they were as close as they could get. “So… I shouldn’t be worried if a hunky guy or a supermodel happen to hit on you?”
Jennie rolled her eyes at the joking tone. “Not even a little. If anything, you should be thinking about what a good catch I am.”
“I’m reminded of that every single day I spend by your side.”
Love wasn’t always easy to understand. Jennie never expected that being dumped by her ex-boyfriend would lead her to find the person who made everything feel right. She never needed something thrilling and fleeting like Sana, or something comfortable and prone to dissipate like Taeyang.
All Jennie ever needed was Lisa.
Because if there’s one thing Jennie knew for certain, it was that no one loved her as perfectly as Lisa did.
“Be honest…” Jennie gently pressed her forehead to Lisa’s, eyes sparkling with mischief, “you were genuinely worried about Ella objecting to our wedding?”
“Absolutely terrified.”
----
The End