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Bellamy sat in the corner of the dark prison cell, back to the wall and knees clutched to his chest as he tried to make sense of what had happened. Clarke wasn’t dead. She was alive, and the moment he’d seen her it was like something in his soul had fixed itself. He hadn’t let her down; she was still here.
But then she had turned around and betrayed him. There had been no hesitation, no regret, just an apparent newfound dedication to Cadogan – well, Clarke had referred to him as her shepherd.
He was in the cell, and when the door opened he had expected the people to deliver him his meal. Instead, dressed in white clothes, six disciples walked in, and escorted him out. He was tired, he was weak, he could not fight anymore. They had tried to get information out of him twice and he had resisted, causing them to have to subject to torturous methods to get the information they needed
Whenever he refused to say anything, they would use the shock collar around his neck and shock him until he went limp and unconscious.
They lead him into a bright white room. Cadogan is there, as well as Levitt and other people fully dressed in white that he doesn’t recognise.
And Clarke.
She stands in the corner – no smile on her face. She looks young – more like she did when they first came down to Earth, when the biggest thing they had to worry about was surviving the grounders – no clue of world-destroying fires and body-snatchers and the planet jumping that was to come.
No one else is here. There’s a chair in the centre of the room, it almost looks like one that used to be in the dentist on the Ark – except this one has restraints for arms and legs attached. There’s some kind of device above it. He knows where he is.
Finally, Cadogan speaks, “Welcome to M-Cap, Bellamy.” His voice is cold, any pretences of friendliness or kindness long gone.
“Why do you have to put me in that! I don’t know anything!” Bellamy swallows, trying to fight against the disciples, but he’s too weak after all. He’d give himself one more chance. One more chance to fight for his life.
“Well, unfortunately we can’t believe a word you say, Bellamy. You’ve done nothing but lie to us since you arrived. We have no choice but to take a look for ourselves.” Cadogan explains condescendingly, flicking his wrist to tell the disciples that it was time to strap him into the chair.
He fights against the people who held him, screaming and thrashing. They’ll take his memories for good. “Please, stop, I don’t know anything I swear,” Bellamy screams out, eyes flashing around the room until they land on Clarke, who is still standing silently in the corner, “Clarke, please! Don’t let them do this to me, please. I can’t – Clarke.”
“Bellamy,” her voice is stable, void of the passion it usually holds, “This really is for the best. We need to know how to win the last war. If you just relax and let it happen it won’t even hurt. Listen to the Shepherd.”
“Bellamy, If you don’t comply, we’ll have no choice but to extract these memories from your sister instead. Would you want that?” Cadogan adds, eyes bloodshot.
At the mention of Octavia, he goes limp, allowing himself to be manhandled into the chair. He won’t ever let anyone hurt her, even if it costs his own life.
It’s Clarke that comes to do up the restraints. They’re tight – there’s no way he can get out of them. She lifts a hand to his face and softly runs her fingers in his dark curls. He looks her in the eye, one last ditch attempt to get her out of this, to get him out of this.
“You said you’d protect her, Clarke and you lied, again. Why do you want to hurt her? Why do you want to hurt me?” Bellamy’s voice cracks, out of anger or fear or hurt he isn’t sure.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone, Bellamy, but you need to understand, this is bigger than any single person – more important than any of us. The final war is coming, the war to end all wars, and the Shepherd can guide us through as long as he has the knowledge he needs. It isn’t just about us, Bellamy - this is for all mankind. Like I said, it won’t hurt if you let them in, it will all be over soon.” Clarke’s voice is soft, and would almost be comforting if the words coming out of her mouth actually sounded like her own, but they don’t. They sound fake, artificial and rehearsed. They’re not real.
He doesn’t say another word, just turns her head away from her, wishing his hands were free so that he could wipe away the tear that’s escaped from his eye. Clarke steps away and Levitt steps forward.
Bellamy fights, of course he does. He physically can’t let them into his memories. He fights for as long as he can. It hurts. As he resists his head hurts. He feels blood on his head, matted onto his hair as he struggles. He knows he is screaming and crying and begging, and he knows that Clarke is just standing and watching.
It’s agony and all she can hear is the repeated words – “You’re alone in a vast, empty desert…”
He doesn’t need to imagine that.
He’s been alone in a vast, empty desert.
He knows exactly what it feels like.
No one comes to save you.
It just hurts.
Bellamy doesn’t know how long he remains in the chair, having his memories ripped apart and examined like they’re just games to play with. He tries his hardest to lead them away from Octavia, but he knows he gives them things that they want without meaning to.
His head hurts. They replay Mount Weather, him getting strung up, him on the metal table, him getting drilled into by Tsing and Cage. They replayed it over again and again, and somehow he could feel the drill entering his skin again and again. He screams his throat out, as they replay the memories that just hurt.
It all blurs together in the end. It’s all too much.
Finally, it stops. The machine is turned off, the headpiece removed. Kind hands undo the restraints and treat his wrists and ankles where he fought so hard that his skin ripped beneath them. He winces. He turns his head to see Clarke. She’s smiling. Her mouth is moving but he can’t make out any words. His head aches. His body aches. Everything is fuzzy. He tries to move, but his brain doesn’t seem to connect with his body.
He realises what happened. He’s permanently paralysed. He can’t talk, he can’t move. They finally broke him. And now he’s useless to them. A tear slips down his cheeks. He can’t move his arms at all. He can’t wipe it away. The disciples walk out of the room. He’s on the chair. He can’t do anything but wait for his impending death.
An hour passed. Echo comes in with Octavia. He can’t move. He can’t say anything to them. Octavia notices his blank expression, eyes blank, fight gone. That was when she realised he was paralysed. He hears Echo’s voice, “The effects are irreversible. I’m sorry, Octavia.”
Octavia breaks down. She screams and sobs, cupping his face with her hands. She pulls out the gun, prepared to mercy-kill him, and put him out of his misery. Echo stops her, “I’ll do it. You go over and comfort him.” Octavia hands the gun to Echo, and she points it at Bellamy. Octavia whispers into his ear, her voice breaking, “Its okay Bell, you’re going to someplace better. ”
He wants to say something. He wants to hug her and cry. He doesn’t want to die just yet.
Suddenly, Levitt bursts in. He tells Octavia and Echo, “Wait! Don’t kill him just yet! He can transcend, and come back to earth if he wants to.” Bellamy hears this, and a tear trickles down.
He didn’t have to die after all.
His body is glowing yellow, which means he is currently resisting transcendence. Echo lifts him from the chair, his lifeless eyes staring up at her and his body slumped on the ground. She whispers to him, “Bellamy, I know you’re still here. Go, transcend, and if you want to, come back. You’ll be okay, Octavia will be okay. May we meet again.” With that, the yellow light is gone. He has successfully transcended.
Bellamy feels light as he travels through the mindspace. He sees his life replay before his eyes. He sees everyone. Echo, Octavia, Clarke, Monty, Jasper. An angel appears before him. “Bellamy,” She says. “You have one chance. Stay here, or go back to earth.”
He looks down, seeing Octavia crying over his lifeless body. His eyes flutter close, and Octavia screams, Echo trying her best to comfort her. He had to go back. Octavia couldn’t live without him. He knows Echo loved him enough to allow him to transcend, to be free, out of the suffering of paralysis. He made his decision, and went back.
It feels like an eternity before he sees all of them again. When he does, he’s back in his normal form. Octavia and Echo hug him, both shedding tears of joy.
That's when he knows that he’s home. And that he can live peacefully again.