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The door closed slowly behind Dib as he flopped down on his unmade bed, the familiar violet sheets welcoming him home. He inhaled deeply, feeling more tired than ever. Being stuck in a cage with an agressive monkey for a week really did things to a person. It took a lot of hard work and cost him quite a bit of hair, skin and nerves, but he had finally managed to tire the obnoxious creature out, giving him the time to escape. He was pretty sure he needs to get checked for rabies now, though.
After a 2 hour walk back home – he had no cash for a taxi – one of the first things Dib saw when he entered the living room was Gaz abusing Zim's Dib-bot. She didn't even notice him, too focused on playing her Game Slave. Guess that explains why she never came to rescue me, he thought.
Despite finally making it home, Dib felt awful. While he was walking he passed by one of those stores which has way too many TVs playing in the display window, and just as he did the News was on, talking about „An incident at the grand opening of Professor Membrane's latest invention – angered Professor changes his mind about providing the city with free power“. A few minutes worth of watching told him how the Professor was waiting for his kids there on the podium, but the audience grew so impatient in the meantime that he decided to cancel PEG's grand activation. It wasn't the end of the world – Dib really couldn't care less whether or not his city has free power – but, he realized, it was still all his fault.
Stupid, he'd been stupid. If only he had seen through that Dib-bot's disguise, he would've found another way to thwarth Zim's plan, of that he was certain. But now, he thought, what had he accomplished? Yes he did manage to hack the robot's vocal circuits, but it was ultimately Gaz who stopped it, wasn't it? And judging from how she was treating the bot right now, she probably would've done it even without his instructions. So the only thing he managed to do was fall for another one of Zim's tricks, get himself locked up in a cage with a mad monkey, nearly get all life on Earth blown into oblivion, and rid his city of unlimited power. So yeah. Great job, Dib.
And the PEG reactor. Dad never told him and Gaz what it was he was working so hard on – he was usually like that – but Dib could always feel when his dad was enthuasiastic about something. And this – this seemed like it'd be his greatest invention yet. Granted, Dib wasn't as amazed as he thought he'd be – he'd much rather the invention to be a ghost hunting device, or a UFO locator – but he was still impressed and excited about the grand opening. But now, Dad never got to properly show the world the machine he was so proud of. Of course, that wasn't entirely Dib's fault, he should be blaming the impatient audience, of course… And yet.
And yet, this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. This wasn't the first time his own interests ended up ruining something important to Dad or Gaz. And it was certainly not the first time he got tricked by Zim, that incompetent yet evily cunning little alien. Wasn't that hilarious? Wasn't he, Dib Membrane, supposed to be the sole hero and protector of Earth? Then why was he so bad at it? Why was Zim, crazed as he was, still constantly outsmarting him? Why was he always the butt of Zim's jokes and the punching bag of the universe? Is it him? Is he not trying hard enough? Was that the reason nobody ever believed him about, well, anything?! Is he really a pitiful little loser like everyone seems to think? Is he really insane?
He could feel tears singing his eyes now. Dib just frowned and shook his head, wishing them away. It hardly did anything, as he could feel them beginning to slowly trickle down his cheeks. He wiped them away, curling into his banket and closing his eyes. He wouldn't cry, especially now, when there was an alien he needs to stop. The Earth's fate is still at stake! He isn't that little kid crying for his dad after getting lost in the woods while looking for bigfoot anymore! He is twelve years old, he is humanity's future savior! He made one… two… several mistakes, but…
But what if he really is no good?
Just as the thought entered his head, he could hear Dad climbing up the stairs from his lab. Huh, that's weird, he didn't even know Dad was home. Granted, he was probably very busy, again, but… Maybe he should talk to him. Who knows, it might help.
Dib stood up and walked downstairs to the kitchen, fetching himself a glass of juice. As he was pouring it Dad entered the room, a couple notes on a paperclip and some strange tool in his hands. He didn't seem to notice him, so Dib gave out a tiny cough to draw his attention.
„Hm? Oh, it's you son. Having fun helping your sister?“ he asked, still focused largely on his papers.
Helping his- Oh, he's probably talking about robo-Dib. Nevermind, he won't dwell on that now. „Uh, yeah, sure.“ Dib replied, „Can I ask you something, Dad?“
„Go ahead, son, but it better be scientific. I won't answer any of your pleas to borrow my experiments for your INSANE alien-hunting activities and such, you know that.“
This made Dib frown in annoyance – Dad used to borrow him his stuff from time to time, but he stopped shortly before that whole Halloween incident. Well, at least he got him out of that Crazy House. Whatever, that isn't what he wanted to ask anyway.
„No, no, it's not that. I just…“ he fiddled with his fingers a bit, trying to express what he wanted to ask without telling him the details of the situation. He was tired, and Dad wouldn't believe him anyway. „Have you ever tried to help somebody, but in the end made an even bigger problem?“
This made the Professor look up from his notes, at his son. „Why are you asking?“
Dib bit his lip. Should he tell him? ...No, Dad's already been through enough junk with the whole PEG ordeal.
„Well, something… similar happened to me. This isn't the first time actually, but… I don't know. For some reason it hurts more this time.“
„Oh.“ Dad seemed to be thinking for a moment, then sat down and put one of his hands on Dib's shoulder. „Well son, do you remember that time an entire city block exploded?“
Which one? was what Dib wanted to say, but he restrained himself and tried to think of all the explosions he had witnessed in the city (that weren't caused by Zim).
„During that parent-teacher night a few months ago? What about it?“
„Well, you might remember how it was actually the fault of the scientific research me and my employees were conducting at the time, right? And do you remember how we made up for it?“
Dib had a hard time remembering, as he was in Miss Bitters' clasroom writing „I will not mindlessly spill punch on the skoolgrounds ever again.“ a thousand times on the blackboard. He got it after a few moments though. „You… gave out money and advanced technological devices to help repair the damage?"
„Exactly! You see, our research might have failed and cost some people their homes and workplaces – but we paid them off the best we could, and they quickly forgave us! Easy as that!“
Dib frowned. He hated to tell Dad this, but people definitely forgave him only because he's famous. And rich. And possibly the smartest scientist on Earth (but somehow also the most oblivious one). Meanwhile, he was just this crazed kid with a funny haircut and a big head. He wasn't loved like Dad was. At least, he felt he wasn't. He wasn't sure if he should tell Dad that, though.
„Yeah but…“ he paused, contemplating, „You are… you. People love you, Dad. Plus I'm sure that explosion wasn't entirely your fault.“
This made Professor smile, although Dib couldn't see it from how covered his face was. He put a hand under his chin, seemingly thinking again.
„You are right.“ he finally said. „No one blamed me for anything, but a part of being a scientist, or an adult in general, is being responsible for you actions, son, and making the right choice should negative consequences arrive. It's how I care for you and your sister, right?“
Dib had to restrain his eye from twitching. Care?! Oh please, he is barely around, and even when he is he's constantly working on something, or even worse, pestering him to give up his paranormal studies. Okay, it's true that he could be nice from time to time, Gaz told him so – but his relationship with Dad was SO different from Gaz's. One of the worst thing about Dad, Dib thought, was how he was repeatedly failing to see that Dib was doing serious work too, reasearching and studying and trying to save this poor planet daily! Sure, he wasn't fighting against famine, or the lack of renewable energy, or lice, but he was there, protecting humanity from something far worse, literal aliens! Plus he was gaining knowledge, knowledge neglected by the rest of the world, knowledge on ghosts, lake monsters, aliens, tall hairy humanoids… Knowledge that will change the world one day! And now Dad was talking to him about being responsible? As if we wasn't responsible enough. Sometimes he felt like the only responsible person in this house.
Dib sat up angrily, knocking the now empty glass down. He was so stupid to think he could have a reasonable talk with Dad. „O-okay, you know what? Yes, you're right. Thanks for the talk Dad. I think I'll go now.“
„Huh?“ wow, this actually seemed to catch Dad off-guard. Good. „So soon? Are you sure?“
„Y-yeah I just remembered I have homework anyway… You know, being responsible! Haha…“ dammit, he needs to get to his room fast.
„Okay, I'll get back to my studies then, but if you need me feel free to-„ Dad was cut off as Dib tried not to slam the door too hard. He failed spectacularly.
Dib grabbed his head and groaned in frustration, sitting back on his bed. Well, that was unhlepful. He tried talking to Dad to get things off his chest, but now it felt even heavier. Ugh.
What has gotten into him to think it'll be any different than the other times they've talked? No matter what Dib did, how hard he tried, how much he prayed, Dad would always be like this. He'll always be teaching him about morals and think he's a great father for it, even though he spends only a night or two with his kids and he calls his son insane with no problems. Of course Dad couldn't give him good advice, he is a scientist, not a father. Dib kept forgetting that.
Never mind, he doesn't need him anyway. He'll find his own way to fix his mistake, he always does! First he'll get some sleep and give his numerous scratches time to heal. Then he'll interrogate that robot, try to see if it knows anything about Zim's next move. After that he'll go spy on Zim, try to infiltrate his base or put some more camera in it. If the robot turns out to be a dead end, screw it, he'll still go spy on him. After some time of tracking Zim he'll stop one of his evil schemes, or even better, capture him! He'll present him to the world and everyone will finally see that he was right! The Earth will be saved, he'll become a famous paranormal investigator, he will be honored all his life and more, he will-
Oh. Dib barely realized he has given into his fantasies again. Strangely, it felt… good. He came home feeling nothing but self-loathing and pity, he felt like he was failing at life, he hated himself. But now, he was full of hope and determination once more, he was confident in his beliefs and abilities again! And it was all because of…
Dad. Being mad at Dad, thinking so lowly of him, made him think highly of himself in return. He managed to achieve what he wanted when he went to have that talk – he started believing in himself again. All because he… stopped believing in Dad? It was strange, and certainly not the best resolution, but Dib was still glad. If anything, Dad unintentionaly helped him. Or was it intentional? Huh, maybe Dad wasn't so bad after all.
Just as he though of that he could hear the door opening behind him. He turned to see Dad, a plate of sandwiches in his hand, an awkward expression on his face.
„Son?“ he called, gently. Dib was caught off guard, so all he managed to get out was a quiet „Hey.“
„I-„ the Professor paused for a bit. He seemed to be looking for words. „You seemed upset, so I prepared some food. Well uh, one of my robots did. In case you're hungry.“
Dib just stared at him for a couple moments. Then he walked towards him, talking the plate from his hands. Cheese sandwiches. He loved those when he was little.
He felt himself smile a little. He grabbed a sandwiches and took a bite. He was really hungry, after all. „Thanks Dad.“ he swallowed the bite „Sorry for… that earlier.“
„It's no big deal son, I was just surprised at your sudden outburst.“ he replied. After a couple moments, he added „Are you… okay, Dib?“
Dib. He could hardly remember the last time Dad had called him by name. He looked down, then back up at him. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many feelings he needed to get out, but… Not today. He was tired, and Dad was busy. He didn't want to spend this random night fixing their strange relationship. It isn't that easy.
So, he simply said. „I'm fine… Now.“
„Oh.“ Dad seemed dissapointed at that.
Dib looked down again and finished his sandwich. „Thanks for the food… can I keep it actually? I'm not in the mood to go downstairs again.“
„Sure thing.“
Dib smiled again, setting the plate on his nightable. „Thanks. And…“ he gulped. Should he say it? „I'm sorry about the whole PEG thing.“
„Huh?“ Dad said „How'd you remember that so suddenly?“
„Ah, well, I heard you cancelled it because the people couldn't wait, but you were all only waiting because I wasn't there. If I hadn't gone…“ he closed his eyes, cringing at what he was about to say „chasing Zim around like a mindless fool, the generator would have been activated and you wouldn't have to throw away weeks of your work. It was my fault. Sorry.“
Dad just stared at him, saying nothing. God, Dib wished he could see his face properly. He was waiting for his answer, not knowing what to expect. Then suddenly, Dad did something unexpected. He came to Dib and put an arm on his shoulder, crouching down to his level. „Son,“ he started, „I'm glad that you realized your mistake and apologized for it, altough I must admit I am not upset in the slightest about that anymore. In fact, we've started a projecting to repurpose the generator as a water park! That's what I was working on just now.“
„Oh.“ Dib had no idea how to respond to that.
„Was that why you asked about fixing mistakes earlier?“ he raised an eyebrow. Dangit.
„Uh, yeah.“ It's not just that, but he doesn't wanna explain all the details to Dad right now.
The Professor nodded, standing back up. „I'm glad we talked, son. And I… apologize if I made you upset earlier. I know I'm not the best father there is but… I'm trying. Too bad there isn't a scientific method on being a Dad.“ he ran a hand through Dib's hair, giving him a small smile. Barely noticeable, but real.
Dib smiled back. „Thank you Dad. I just wish we weren't so… conflicted, but I know you're trying. I'm trying too, but it's hard with all the…“
„'Saving the Earth' bussines?'“ he asked. His tone wasn't disapproving or malicious, though. It sounded more like he was making an inside joke.
„H-hey now, saving the Earth is serious bussines!“ Dib exclaimed, going along with it. Dad just laughed, making his way out of the room. Dib followed. „I'm serious! Without me, Zim would be out there wrecking havoc by now!“
„Heh, I'm sure he would son. He does seem to be quite a piece of work, human or not.“
„He is! A piece of work I mean, not human. He definitely isn't human, trust me.“
„If you insist. I thought you two were friends, though?“
„What?! NO!! We might seem obsessed with each other but trust me, we hate one another.“
„As you say son. He seems like a charming kid though. I wouldn't mind if you two started getting along.“
„Daaaad!“
The door closed after them, their joined laughter echoing behind it.