Chapter Text
There were tears in Noctis's father's eyes when Noctis woke up. Noctis wondered, for a moment, if his dad had gotten hurt too. But that would be silly. The King was the King, and he was supposed to be the strongest man in all of Insomnia. He couldn't get hurt. And even if he did, he wouldn't cry.
Everything was a little fuzzy. Noctis remembered something very bad had happened, but in a strange way. Like a dream. His body was both heavy and very, very far away. It was a weird feeling, and Noctis didn't like it, but he was also too tired to be upset about it. Not that he had done anything to be tired. Just lying in bed.
Dad said Noctis had been asleep for a long time, and the doctors had had to feed him through the little tube attached to his arm. Because Noctis had been very badly hurt. It would take time for him to recover. At the time, Noctis didn't have the strength to feel upset about that either.
"I have to go," dad said after some time, brushing Noctis's hair from his forehead. "I will leave this with you for company, shall I?"
He showed Noctis a little object, and Noctis smiled weakly. "Carbuncle."
Carbuncle had been there. While Noctis was asleep. Not his toy, a real Carbuncle.
"I will put it on your pillow. Besides, you also have your Carbuncle right here."
Noctis turned to his right. Vita was by his side on the bed. She was lying down next to him, looking as weak and out of it as Noctis felt. Her form was that of a Carbuncle too. Had been since Noctis had woken up.
He remembered her when the daemon had attacked. She had turned into the biggest animals she could, standing next to Noctis and growling and screaming. Noctis was glad she had tried. He was sure she had managed to be scary enough to make the daemon hesitate.
But he liked her better this way. Carbuncle had helped Noctis wake up, and it put Noctis at ease to see Vita in this shape.
She shuffled closer to him as dad left. Her muzzle pressed against Noctis's arm. He wanted to get her on his lap, because that's how they normally slept, but dad had said he couldn't. His back was hurt. Having her weight on his stomach might make it worse.
"Can you turn in a mouse?" Noctis croaked. It was hard to speak. His throat was still parched, even if dad had helped him drink.
Vita looked up at him. "A mouse?"
Noctis pointed at his chest. "To get here."
It wouldn't hurt his back if Vita was just a tiny mouse, right? She could curl up on his shoulder and he would be fine.
"I can't, Noct."
"Why?"
Her voice was small, almost scared. "I can't change."
Noctis blinked in confusion for a few times. His eyes widened when he realized what Vita must have meant. "What?"
"I don't know," Vita whispered. "I was like this when I woke up, and I tried changing but I can't. I think... I think I settled like this."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Noctis felt a little more awake now that Vita said that. It couldn't be. They were way too young. Ignis was older than Noctis, and all grown ups said he was so mature too, and his anima hadn't settled yet. Dad had said almost no one settled before twelve.
His chest was tight. Something about knowing she couldn't change anymore was suffocating. Like a weight holding him down.
But a Carbuncle wasn't bad. It was nice and soft. Sometimes Noctis had thought about what kind of form she would take, and hadn't known what he wanted. He thought Kings were supposed to have animas that were big and strong, so he had figured they should do that too. But he thought he liked her better this way.
Vita nuzzled him, and let out a frustrated huff. "It doesn't work."
"What doesn't?"
"I can't heal you. Carbuncle heals, right? I want to make you feel better, but I can't."
"It's alright."
It didn't even hurt much. They had given Noctis medicine for it, so Noctis only felt tired. To be honest... below a certain point, he felt nothing at all.
Besides, it wasn't how that worked. There was a maid at the palace with a viper anima and Noctis had asked Ignis once if that meant he would kill the people that he bit. Ignis had said no, that most animas weren't exactly like the animals they represented. Venomous snakes at most caused some swelling and pain.
It made sense a Carbuncle anima couldn't heal. Noctis appreciated the thought.
***
Normally, there would be a great celebration for the settling of the Crown Prince. Or so he had heard. Dad had told Noctis when his Custodia had settled there had been a huge party, bigger than any dad had seen at the time.
Noctis didn't like parties. Parties were meant to be fun, but the ones Noctis had to attend where stuffy and boring and people he didn't know kept coming to talk to him and sometimes the finger food had vegetables. Not having a party was good for him. It was much better to stay in bed and play games.
Except Noctis had been in bed for weeks now, and found out it was possible to become bored of it. He couldn't leave. They had let him have games and a TV, and Ignis came to spend time with him three times a week, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to go back to running through the Citadel and play hide and seek in the gardens.
But Noctis couldn't get up. His back hurt. Trying to stand up had him crying in pain. His legs barely moved. If he had to leave the bed, someone had to push him in a wheelchair. The doctors had done surgery on him when he was asleep, and twice more after he had woken up, but Noctis still wasn't doing good.
Noctis couldn't attend any celebration whether he liked it or not. No one would throw a party when they didn't know if Noctis would ever walk again. Dad and the doctors kept saying it was just a matter of time. They didn't really look like they believed it.
And Noctis had heard the whispers. Nurses shaking their heads together, talking about premature settling. Noctis wasn't sure what that meant. He knew he had settled early, but he didn't know if that was bad. It sounded bad. The grown ups only talked about it when they thought he couldn't hear.
He was starting to think that it was also bad that Vita had settled as a Carbuncle specifically. People murmured about it too. They looked at Vita with sad eyes. Noctis didn't get it. She wasn't big or scary or strong, but she was cute. Was that bad? Weren't Carbuncles good animas? Carbuncles were a symbol of good luck, so Noctis didn't get what the problem was.
"Is it a problem that Vita is like this?" Noctis asked his dad one evening. He only got to see him in the evenings lately, too much King work to do. Noctis understood, but he didn't like it.
"Why do you say that?"
"People don't like that she settled this way."
"Noctis," dad said, taking his hand. "You will be king one day. The people expect certain things from a king, and look for them in his anima."
Noctis glanced at dad's Custodia. Ignis had explained once that she was a, 'great example of a king's anima'. Ravens were royal animals, because their feathers were royal black. They were also symbols of wisdom, and a raven anima meant a human that was wise and intelligent.
Dad sighed. "But no two kings are the same. I don't rule like my father did, nor did he rule like his father, and you will surely be a different King than I am. It's up to you to find out how your qualities will help you."
Noctis guessed so. Talk about his future as King always made him a bit confused.
"Now, Noct, would you like to go on a trip?"
***
"Is a Carbuncle a good anima for a King?"
Luna looked at him funny when he said that. "Why shouldn't it be?"
Noctis shrugged. "It's not very kingly."
"Did Ravus make fun of you? I can kick him if he did."
Noctis smiled. Luna was a very polite and well behaved girl. A perfect princess, everyone said. She was also always ready to pull her brother's hair when their mother wasn't looking, and she could pull hard. "No. He didn't say anything."
Luna hummed. She sat on her bed in front of Noctis, dangling her legs. She had her serious face on, the one she used when she was about to say something strange and Oracle-y. Noctis always felt a little out of place when she did that. Luna was a few years older than he was, but when she got like this she felt older then their parents, or than anyone Noctis knew.
"Carbuncles are healers. It's fitting for you."
"Why?"
"Because yours is the duty to clean the darkness from the world. Heal it from it."
Noctis frowned, and looked away. He wasn't sure he understood. Luna said a lot of things like that, and Noctis struggled to keep up. He thought he believed her, because she was the future Oracle and always looked so sure of what she was saying. Didn't make her words make any more sense.
Vita sat on the ground, looking up at them. Providi was next to her, today in the shape of a blackbird.
Some people would be proud to be settled when someone four years older than them still wasn't. Noctis didn't think he was.
"What do you think Providi will be?" he asked.
"A bird of some kind. He never turns into anything else these days."
"Fur is bothersome, and you are never warm enough if you're a reptile," Providi said.
Providi was strange. Animas weren't supposed to talk to humans that were not his own. Vita only spoke to Noctis, and sometimes to his dad. Sometimes she spoke to Ignis too, but Ignis said it wasn't proper, because he was boring like that.
Luna's anima spoke freely to everyone he wanted. Noctis had thought it was a Tenebrae thing, but then he had realized neither Ravus's nor the Queen's animas spoke to other people. It had to be a Luna thing. Providi didn't care if he was speaking to anima or human, if he had something to say he did it.
Vita bumped her muzzle into him. "Fur isn't bothersome."
"It sheds everywhere."
"And feathers don't?"
***
Providi settled a few months after Tenebrae was taken and Noctis brought back to Insomnia. Umbra's tail was thumping very fast when he delivered the message. Like he understood, and was proud.
Luna said Providi was a swan now. It felt right.
"I can't believe he's bigger than me," Vita grumbled.
Noctis hoped Luna was alright. She didn't talk a lot about what living under the Empire was like.
Some days, he wondered if he might be able to save her. He was walking again, but not well. His legs struggled to hold him up, his muscles having lost strength from the long period on the wheelchair, and he had to do exercises every day.
One day, when he was healthy and strong, Noctis might be able to push Niflheim away and give Tenebrae back to Luna's family. If he was supposed to be the great King Luna said, he could do that.
For now, he could only write back that he was happy for her and Providi. He guessed a lot of other animas would start settling in the next few years. All kids he knew were getting to the right age range. Not that he knew a lot of other kids.
***
There was a celebration when Gladiolus Amicitia's anima settled. Not as big as the one that should have been thrown for Noctis, but it was still for the heir of one of Lucis's most important families. The King allowed it to be held in one of the Citadel's halls. An honor few other than the future King's Shield would be granted.
The King attended. So did Noctis, because it would be rude not to show up for his future Shield's party.
Honestly, Noctis didn't think Gladio would have missed him. They used to spend time together sometimes before Noctis's accident, but nowadays they didn't see each other much. Gladio liked to train and work out, and Noctis didn't, and didn't understand Gladio. But he guessed training was probably a lot less horrible when your back didn't make you scream if you pulled the wrong way.
He should start training with Gladio soon, or so his father said. His back was as healed as it would get, and it was time Noctis learnt how to defend himself if needed. Noctis didn't particularly want to. Gladio was stupid tall for being only three years older than Noctis. He could probably knock Noctis out with a single punch.
He knew Vita didn't want to get into training either. She would have to learn how to use her teeth to defend herself, because the King's anima couldn't allow herself to be helpless. But looking at Fortitudo, Noctis wasn't too keen on letting her and Vita fight.
Fortitudo had settled as a huge dog. It wasn't a surprise. Almost all Shields in the Amicitia family had had dogs. Being raised to be the King's guard dog had strongly influenced the animas of many generations of Amicitias, so people said. Somehow, it didn't feel like a compliment.
But Fortitudo was big. Bigger than Clarus's anima. Clarus looked so proud, standing by his son through the celebration.
Gladio looked pretty uncomfortable. He stood straight and firm at the center of the room, and his face was pinched. When Noctis and his father had arrived, Regis had walked to Gladio and offered his sincerest congratulations. Gladio had looked nearly panicked at that.
Good to know Noctis wasn't the only one who didn't want to be here. As soon as he had been allowed to mind his own business, he had filled his hands with finger food at the buffet and retreated into a corner. He leaned against a wall now, chewing on a small sandwich, hoping no one would look his way and spot him.
Vita was sprawled on the floor by his feet. Her eyes were on Fortitudo, and Noctis could feel how nervous she was knowing she would have to train with her.
They both yelped when something batted at Vita's side.
"Don't lay down like that," Inspectio hissed, forcing Vita to sit up.
As his anima wrangled Vita back into an acceptable position, Ignis appeared by Noctis's side. "You shouldn't be sulking here."
"I'm not sulking."
Ignis raised an eyebrow. "Then what are you doing?"
Noctis shrugged. "Eating."
"You should be making conversation."
"With who?"
"Gladiolus, for example."
Noctis was so not going to do that. Gladio was currently being hounded by various high ranked Crownsguards, wanting to congratulate the Shield's son. Usually it was Noctis who had grown ups chasing him to make awkward small talk during celebrations. He'd let Gladio have his moment of glory.
Ignis sighed at him. "I know being at a settling celebration isn't easy for you–"
"Because celebrations suck."
"Noct..."
"What? Why should I have a problem with a settling celebration?" Noctis snapped.
Ignis stared at him for one long moment, and then let it go, moving instead to lecturing him about not eating the entire buffet on his own. All the while, Inspectio was lecturing Vita about how the Crown Prince's anima wasn't supposed to splat on the ground like a common dog. How those two had so many lectures in their bodies, Noctis would never know.
Noctis really didn't care if it was a settling celebration. He didn't care if Gladio's dad was so happy, the animas of father and son standing proud next to each other. He didn't care if Gladio had a stupid perfect Shield anima, the anima everyone had hoped he would get. Good for him. Noctis had no reason to be mad about it.
***
A mere month after Gladio's celebration, Ignis arrived late for the first time in his life. He wasn't tragically late, just fifteen minutes. Still, from Ignis, that was almost enough for Noctis to send a guard looking for him.
Ignis looked positively disheveled when he got there. Which meant his hair was the slightest bit messy, a minute flush on his cheeks.
"Your Highness, apologies! I am so sorry for my tardiness–"
"It's just a few minutes, Specs," Noctis said, as if he hadn't been starting to worry whether Ignis had been kidnapped.
Ignis fixed his glasses. "That is still unacceptable."
Noctis rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll arrest you for it. What was the big emergency?"
Shocking him, Ignis smiled. It was a strange smile, almost shy. "We settled."
Noctis's head whipped to Inspectio, mouth falling open. She was a cat. Sleek and brown, with bright green eyes. He barely had time to take her in before Vita was barreling into her.
Swallowing, Noctis raised his eyes to Ignis again. "I... Congrats, Specs."
"Thank you, Noct."
In truth, it wasn't a huge shock for Inspectio to settle as a cat. She had favored similar forms for a few months now. Cat, fox, weasel. Always small and fast, looking at the world with bright eyes full of intelligence.
A cat anima was good for a future adviser. Cats were independent creatures, private yet charming, excellent for a man who had to be always present but never at the center of attention. A common tabby might have raised a couple eyebrows, but Inspectio looked to belong to some fancy breed. A perfect fit for the court.
She had settled two months before Ignis's thirteenth birthday. Early enough for people to be pleased by how fast Ignis had matured, but not so early as to raise eyebrows, just a little before the average age for it. Just like Ignis and Inspectio to settle at the perfect time, in the perfect form.
Ignis was Noctis's friend, and so Noctis tried to hide his frustration from him.
***
"Do you hate me, Noct?"
The question was asked in the dark, Vita's voice coming from underneath their blankets. It took the air out of Noct's lungs.
His fingers reached out to her, burying in her soft fur. "Why?"
"Because I'm not what I should have been."
He rubbed her neck. "I'd never hate you, Vita."
***
One day at school a girl's anima tried to imitate Vita. He turned into a Carbuncle, but it didn't work well. He ended up being closer to a weird fox. Noctis laughed. He didn't mean to offend her, he just thought it was funny.
She ran off in tears, and never spoke to him again. Noctis felt bad about it, but he was also confused. Other kids teased each other about the weird forms their animas took all the time. Noctis didn't think he had done anything bad.
But he was the Prince, and so he couldn't do as he wanted. He had always known that, but it was getting worse. He couldn't treat other kids like other kids did, because no one could stand being teased by the Prince. He couldn't hang out with someone after school, not without the Crownsguard running a complete background check on every child and their entire families. He couldn't meet up after school for ice cream, because someone might kidnap him.
He couldn't even see his dad every day like other kids did, because other kids' fathers weren't always at work to run a country.
But for all the things he couldn't do, there were more he was forced to do. He had to study more than everyone. He had to get better grades than everyone. He had to be polite at all times, even if he didn't like the other person. He had to train twice a week with Gladio. He hadn't realized how strange the last one was considered until a day when he came to school with a massive bruise on his arm from a training sword and the teacher almost fainted seeing it.
It was unfair.
***
Noctis understood what premature settling was now. It meant an anima settled before it was time.
There was a reason animas virtually never settled before ten years. Children that young were still changing too much, their personalities budding and evolving. Not that teenagers were fixed either, but by the time an anima settled something was already there. Something important about the person. Some kind of seed.
If a child had a settled anima, it often meant something had happened to make that child grow up too early, too fast. An experience that had changed that child, one they were too young to cope with. A trauma.
Noctis wasn't traumatized. He had had some bad moments, but he was over them. His back only bothered him sometimes. The nightmares only came a couple times a month. It had been years since they'd stopped forcing him to see a therapist.
But if a child settled at eight it was almost always because of a trauma. And it was known that if an anima settled prematurely it would often end up small, unassuming, a creature that could hide more than it could fight.
Vita was a Carbuncle. She was a creature of legend with a row of sharp teeth. So what if she was tiny? There was no reason for people to still be whispering about her when they thought Noctis and Vita weren't hearing.
They were fine. They weren't traumatized. There was nothing wrong with them.
***
When Noctis had started training with Gladio, they had decided to keep animas out of it for a while. It had been a relief to both Noctis and Vita. But that type of training had only been put off, and it was time for them to get into it.
"Damn it, Noct! Stop freezing!"
"I'm not freezing!"
"And what was that then?"
Noctis lowered his practice sword. "I was just confused."
"An enemy won't give you time to be confused!" Gladio shouted. "What's the problem? Can't deal with Fortitudo barking at you?"
"She was between my legs!"
"So?"
Noctis gaped. "I can't hit her!"
"You hit me just fine," Gladio replied, slapping his arm where Noctis had managed to get him a minute before.
"But..."
Noctis couldn't hit Gladio's anima. He wanted to beat Gladio up every time they sparred, but not Fortitudo. They were one and the same, but they were also different. Hitting someone else's anima was out of the question.
Gladio growled. "What will you do if an assassin has their anima attack you? Let yourself be killed because you don't want to be rude?"
"You're not an assassin."
"Pretend I am! Now back into stance."
It was horrible. Noctis had to dance around to avoid Fortitudo. It was like she didn't care if Noctis accidentally touched her. She kept snapping at his pants and pushing between his legs, trying to upset her balance. Between Noctis's unwillingness to touch her and his objective fear of her teeth, he couldn't focus at all on Gladio's attacks.
Vita tried to do her best, but she had little hope. Like Noctis didn't want to be too close to Fortitudo, Vita didn't want to be too close to Gladio, and she had good reason for it. Gladio was fifteen and huge and if he accidentally stepped on Vita it would end very badly. So Vita tried to nibble at Fortitudo's legs to slow her down, but her teeth only lightly prickled her through the fur.
Until Fortitudo got tired of the other anima. She twisted, and all of a sudden Noctis felt phantom teeth around his back.
Fortitudo was delicate. There wasn't the pain of fangs piercing through, only their pressure. And the awareness that if Fortitudo decided to snap her mouth close, she would also snap Vita's spine in two.
Now Noctis froze for real. He didn't know why that happened to him. He wasn't hurt. He was fine, but then where did the fire in his back come from? His muscles seized up. There was ghost pain dancing in his spine, there were his scars were.
He didn't notice he had let go of his sword until it clattered on the ground.
"Noct? Noct!"
Noctis flinched when Gladio grabbed his shoulders, shaking him. Vita and Fortitudo were still there. Fortitudo's grip had loosened, but Vita didn't try to squirm out of it. She was pressed on the ground, shaking.
"Let her go," Noctis gasped. "Let her go."
Fortitudo's teeth disappeared. Despite the lack of pressure, Noctis's lungs still felt constricted by steel ropes.
"Noctis, sit down," Gladio instructed. Had Noctis been a little more present, he might have noticed how unsteady Gladio sounded.
Noctis almost fell to the floor. Gladio sat next to him, one hand on Noctis's back. He tried to rub what might have been a comforting circle, but Noctis flinched away when it touched the place the daemon had cut him.
"Shit! Noctis, what's going on?"
Noctis didn't know either. This wasn't the first time someone touched his back, or Vita's back, but he had never had this reaction. It was the first time the touch was fangs clasped around Vita, but they both knew Fortitudo's control was perfect. Gladio and Fortitudo would never hurt them. They were pushy and merciless, but Noctis knew he could trust them blindly. His Shield was safe.
Knowing it wasn't helping. Noctis was hyperventilating now, and he didn't know how to stop it.
"Gladio," Fortitudo said. She had a nice voice, when she wasn't snarling. "I think it was my fault."
"What are you talking about?" Gladio asked, one hand squeezing Noctis's shoulder.
"I bit her back."
Gladio fell silent after that. Noctis wondered what that meant to him.
A strong arm wrapped around Noctis's shoulders, away from where his wound had been. Noctis found himself pressed into Gladio in a hug. Awkward. So awkward it kind of snapped Noctis out of whatever this was. He and Gladio didn't hug. They trained together and beat each other up and called each other names and made stupid faces at each other when their fathers weren't looking. Noctis should wriggle free.
However, he didn't mind. Gladio's warmth made something in Noctis relax. Even if Gladio was all sweaty and gross. He squeezed Noctis hard enough to ground him, but not to the point of making him feel trapped.
For being such an ass, he gave great hugs.
"Just breathe, Noct," he said. "Try to calm down."
Easier said than done, but Noctis somehow managed. He went from tense down to his bones to slumping into Gladio's side, heart slowing down. His body remembered there was no actual pain in his back.
"Can you stand?" Gladio asked after a while.
Noctis nodded.
"Good. Go shower."
Noctis frowned. "But–"
"I'm cutting training short. Go, I'll let Ignis now."
Gladio always used all the training time they had, down to the last second. Noctis must have made a real horrible picture if Gladio was allowing this.
Vita was lying slumped against Fortitudo's side. The large dog had to make a wonderful pillow, Noctis thought. Vita got to her feet after Noctis did, slowly following him to the locker rooms.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Noctis shook his head. "Wasn't your fault."
"It happened when Fortitudo grabbed me. It kind of was."
Ignis later informed Noctis that what had happened was most likely some kind of panic attack. Having his anima in that vulnerable position must have uncovered some unaddressed issue left by the Marilith's attack. Noctis begged Ignis not to tell his father. Ignis still did, because it was Ignis's job to be a dirty snitch. Noctis didn't talk to him for a week.
Noctis ended up having to see a psychologist once a week for almost one year, trying to work out anything he had repressed. He hated it. He was fine, he was sure the panic attack had been a once in a lifetime kind of thing. He had resisted going until eventually he had been deemed well enough to stop going.
Who had ever heard of a future King needing a psychologist? What kind of loser Prince was he?
At least, Gladio didn't mention anything. When Noctis showed up for his next training session after the panic attack, he just informed Noctis they were going to work on hand to hand combat today and then made him start running laps. Noctis appreciated that. He hadn't thought he would ever enjoy Gladio's roughness, but his frown and shouts were a relief after days of being looked at with pity and concern by everyone.
Fortitudo would push Vita down with a headbutt, or pin her down with her paws. It didn't make Noctis freeze, but it also wasn't coddling him.