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The ocean was too ominous for Levi’s liking. During the day, it was bad enough with the overly salty air that made his eyes sting. He was told that the water was deeper than any well or river he could fathom, and the thought of what resided in its depths–and the unknowns that might come out of it–unsettled him. It was enough knowing that there were lurking creatures uglier than cockroaches and titans beneath its surface. If it were up to him, he would’ve stayed several meters back from the shore, or even off the sand completely.
Ideally, Hange would keep that safe distance as well. Of course she hadn’t.
“Hey, Hange! Whatever that thing is, don’t touch it. It’s probably poisonous.”
Unsurprisingly, she ignored him, or perhaps didn’t even hear him in the first place. He’d be more annoyed if it hadn’t been months since he’d seen her so lively.
“Levi, look at this thing!” She turned and held out what looked like a big moldy shit. “Come feel it–it’s squishy!”
“Hard pass.”
“You’re no fun!” Her hair flew about in the wind, and she kept using her forearms to push the tangled mess out of her face. When the commander tried to pout at him, loose strands stuck to her lips, leading her to huff in an unsuccessful attempt to free them.
Levi bit back a smile.
—
The ocean was only more ominous once the sun had set.
The wind and the waves whipped around his tent as he sat in it that night. Instead of wandering around the godforsaken beach like the others in their free time, Levi opted to shelter under the teal canvas and look over the logbook for the current expedition, just in case Hange had missed something when filling out the paperwork.
His eyes started to feel tired, though he knew sleep would elude him for at least another hour or two if it even managed to catch him at all. The ocean’s whispers seemed to increase in pitch as the evening went on, whistling and howling as the wind picked up. Maybe he was more exhausted than he thought; the wisps of air that leaked through the gaps between his tent and the sand became increasingly voice-like.
Levi…
The whisper drew him out of his sleepy lull. Maybe the ghosts of their fallen comrades were visiting him in his dreams again. He had always been uneasy when Erwin and now Hange talked about the dead watching them, but maybe they weren’t just imagining things.
“Psst, Levi.”
The voice sounded too much like the current commander for it to be a ghost. He scoffed to himself. Though, maybe she went and drowned or finally poisoned herself handling some hideous sea fish, and it was, in fact, her ghost coming to him. If that was the case, he was ready to scold her for getting herself killed in such a stupid way.
The movement of the tent flap suggested it was probably just Hange in her very much alive human form, however.
“Why the fuck are you bothering me in the middle of the night?” He said in lieu of a greeting when he untied entrance.
“I need a favor. Plus we both know you’re not sleeping anyway.”
“No.”
“I haven’t even said anything yet!”
“You’re going to ask me to help you catch some stupid creature that could probably kill us.” He got a sense of déjà vu.
“Actually, no!” She kissed her teeth and grabbed his arm. “Did you bring spare blades? I only have one set with me.”
He scowled but allowed her to drag him into the night air anyway. “Of course I have spares.”
Leave it to her to be ill-equipped. She had told him several times before setting off that there was a very low chance of spotting more than a couple titans, saying that with the number of Scouts on the expedition, their commander carrying one set of blades would be more than enough. Levi had bonked her on the head and called her reckless. Clearly, that hadn’t knocked any sense into her.
“Great! Grab a blade and come to my tent.”
—
“What took you so long?”
Re-equipped in his ODM gear with blades and spares slotted into place, Levi stared down at Hange sitting in the entrance of her tent.
Upon seeing her captain decked out in his gear, she stifled a laugh. “Oh, I said to bring a blade. We’re going to cut my hair.”
“You want me…to cut your hair?” Exhaustion wasn’t the only thing making his eye twitch.
“Yes.” She was far too nonchalant about this as she pulled off her button-up and tossed it in her tent. She tugged at her military-issued bra that was underneath to make sure it was in place. “Here, I can show you how short I want it by making the first cut, but I need someone to make sure it’s even in the back.”
“You’re out of your mind, Hange.” He started to turn to leave, but her hand quickly clasped around his ankle.
“C’mon, please! You cut your own hair, don’t you?” She crawled farther out of the tent with her cloak in hand.
“So?”
“So you can help me with mine!” She chirped as if it was the most obvious answer.
“You want an undercut?” He raised an eyebrow. Although it wouldn’t look bad on her, it would certainly be a change. There was no way in hell he was giving her an undercut with their ODM blades though.
“As much as I would love to be twins, no.” She tugged at his cloak, urging him to sit.
“I know your eyesight is ass and has only gotten worse now that you’re down an eye, but your hair is way longer than mine. What makes you think I know shit about cutting long hair?” He bristled but knelt down anyway and started the process of taking off his cloak and gear.
“Very funny, Captain,” she laughed. “You trim the other parts of your hair, no?” She reached over and quickly brushed his bangs aside.
He slapped her hand away as he felt his ears warm up. “You’re ridiculous.”
“C’mon, Levi, pleeaase? Are you gonna make me beg?” She pouted.
He sent her a glare. “It won’t work either way.” He, in fact, was hoping she would not beg because he wouldn’t be able to say no. They had been around each other for too long, however, and she was smart enough to know this about him.
“Leviiii–” She drew out his name while reaching out to place her hands on his knee.
“Your fingers are fucking freezing.”
“I’d warm up faster if you just cut my hair so I can get back in my tent!”
“No!”
“Levi.” She bowed her head for a moment. “Think of it like this.” Her tone grew somber. “We’re here at the edge of our known world, and there’s only more out there. We are truly on the cusp of something great.” The commander took a deep, shaking breath before continuing. “After all the grief of the past year, it’s time we make some changes and have a fresh start. That’s why I want to cut my hair. I recognize that it might be uncomfortable to let old things go. You might be uncomfortable with using a giant blade to give me a little trim–and maybe bangs–but…” She looked into his eyes and clasped his hands. “I’m going to ask you to do it anyway.”
Her eye shone in the moonlight. Levi wasn’t sure if it was the reflection from her glasses or the stinging of the salty air. He also wouldn’t put it past her to tear up on purpose to goad him, but the visible amber pool seemed to sparkle and grow impossibly larger. She squeezed his hands, bringing her arms together and–
“Are you trying to squeeze your boobs together to entice me?” His eyes flicked down to her chest, eyebrows furrowing. That was not a natural way for one to hold their elbows.
“Whaat? No! It’s not like I have any in the first place.” Her exaggerated pout gave her away. She was too easy to read.
“They’re definitely there,” he replied flatly. “Nice try, dumbass.”
She let go of his hands with a huff. “More of an ass man then?”
“Hange, shut up.” Despite her incessant—and successful—attempts to rile him up, he already knew what he would be doing tonight.
“Fine!” She tilted her head with a small hopeful smile. At least it looked genuine this time. “So…what do you say?”
“...Fine.” He was doomed from the start.
—
“Shouldn’t we break it first?” Levi watched as Hange pulled one of his spare blades from its designated slot, running a hand over the flat side and paused at the scored line. “It’d be safer to work with a smaller blade.”
The brunette held it up–too close to her face due to her lack of glasses–and used it as a blurry mirror as she clamped a lock of hair between two fingers and moved them up and down, deciding how short to go. Maybe she was ignoring him because she was annoyed he made her thoroughly brush her hair first.
“Hey, Hange-”
Without a word, she pulled her hair taut and brought the oversized knife down at an angle. She had to gently hack at the chunk a few more times before all the strands between her fingers were cut short.
“Okay, this is how short I’ll go.” She turned to Levi with a grin.
“You look ridiculous.” He flicked the cropped piece. It fell just above her shoulders now. He didn’t realize how much her hair had grown, only that lately it still got in her way on particularly windy days even when tied up. Once, she had come into the office wearing a bun and seemed to dislike the hairstyle, even before he had told her she looked like a grandmother with it.
“Well, good thing you’re here to fix it.” Her grin grew wider as she held the blade out to him.
“Tch.” He took it and settled on his knees behind her. “Sit up straight.”
Hange did as she was told.
Levi pulled the strands toward him. The cocoa locks, for once untangled and soft between his fingers, fell just over her shoulder blades. The captain worked meticulously, carefully shearing off small sections at a time. He would pause and run a hand through her hair, ignoring her huffs when the snipped ends tickled her back as they fell to the sand. He’d have her tilt her head slightly this way or that to make sure the cut was even. After a few minutes passed and he was only halfway done, Hange sighed again and shifted.
“Oi, warn me next time you move unless you want to get cut.”
“Relax.” She laughed. “Aren’t your knees tired? You can sit down, you know.” She turned her head to tilt it back over her shoulder.
Levi bit the inside of his cheek. His knees were getting a bit chaffed from shifting against the sand. He noticed Hange’s folded up cloak that she had left as a seat for him to shield his ass from the ground. He crossed his legs and settled down on top of it without a word, silently accepting the gesture as a consolation for putting up with her antics.
Hange reached back and grabbed his calf, pulling herself back until her hips bumped into his shins.
“You’re going to get your hair all over me, stupid.” Levi jabbed at her back with a knuckle.
“I’m not the one doing the cutting. Just use your cloak as a cover.”
He could hear her cheeky grin despite her face being turned toward the ocean again. Levi didn’t see the point in giving her a response, so he continued awkwardly hacking away at the commander’s hair in silence.
After a few minutes with only the sounds of the lapping waves and a stray seabird squawking, Hange’s light humming joined the gentle symphony of the night. Levi watched out of the corner of his eye as her fingers drew abstract patterns in the sand. She started with random swirls and loops, throwing in a vague heart, before advancing to her name, then crude doodles of titans.
“Moblit tried to teach me to draw a couple times, but I didn’t have the patience for it.” She laughed softly and brushed her hand over the sand, erasing the lumpy drawings.
Levi didn’t respond. He only shifted to finish cutting the hairs to the right side of her head. The captain’s knee landed where Hange’s sand doodles had been.
She continued. “I think he would’ve liked the sea.” Her head tilted ever so slightly, mindful of Levi’s work and the blade that was so close to her neck. “He liked to draw in his free time, too. He’d always draw the plants I kept, back when I had the time to keep them.” A wistful smile graced her lips, and her one visible eye softened. “The sea is…more beautiful than I thought it would be. I can just imagine him sitting on the rocks and drawing the–what did Armin say it was called? Starfish?--that I found.”
Levi sat back, holding the blade with all of Hange’s little hairs dusted over it on his lap. He kept his gaze on her as she turned to him.
“I think Erwin would’ve liked this, too.” Hange met his eyes, and something in her face turned melancholic.
Levi nodded. They didn’t speak of Erwin much. In a formal capacity, he was brought up often enough with discussions of his work that was now Hange’s, but in private, the two remaining veterans rarely mentioned their fallen commander and friend. There were many moments when they both clearly thought of him though. Maybe someone uttered a phrase that was reminiscent of him, or they spotted the cup he’d always use in the communal kitchen, but they never shared their thoughts with the other, only a brief, knowing glance before continuing with whatever was at hand.
Levi reached out and ran a hand through Hange’s hair. He told himself he was imagining the way she ever so slightly cocked her head to lean into his touch.
She drew her knees to her chest and rested her head on her arms over them after he pulled away. “Do you think he would’ve cried when the sun set over the horizon?” The little grin that stretched her face was playful and charming.
“Tch.” Levi turned and mirrored her posture. There was a twinge in his heart. He rested his chin on his arms and looked out at the ocean instead of his current commander. “I’m surprised you didn’t.”
Even he had to admit that the sunset over the sea struck him with a sense of awe he hadn’t felt since the first time he saw the sky outside of the walls. He was half expecting to look over and see Hange tearing up like Armin had been, but when he turned to her, she had been standing still, arms crossed and seemingly mesmerized by the brilliant colors in the sky as she mulled over the scene before her. The lack of a smile in that moment was uncharacteristic and worried him.
“Me, too.” Hange closed her eye and sighed. “Sorry to be all doom and gloom. I think a part of me still can’t believe we finally made it.”
The two sat in a contemplative silence. He’d be reticent to admit it, but Levi was starting to understand why the others liked the sea, if only a little bit. The sand was still disgusting with how it clung to his clothes and any exposed skin, and the strange creatures that appeared near the shore made his skin crawl, but the sound of the waves was soothing, and the way the moon shone over the water was more beautiful than any lake he had ever seen. It was the same moon they’d seen inside the walls, but the way it softly lit up Hange’s profile as they sat on that beach had him convinced that something about the saltwater or some other sciencey shit he didn’t understand made the light behave differently.
“We should go to bed,” he murmured when he noticed the goosebumps on her arm.
“Not until we cut some bangs for me.” Hange picked up the blade that laid between them. “I’ve decided I need them, or I’ll look too much like Eren.” She chuckled as she dusted the fine hairs off with her hands. “Don’t want to be accused of copying his look.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “Thought you wanted to twin with someone.” He didn’t bother pretending to look annoyed as he moved to sit in front of her. His fingers smoothed over her hairline.
“Eren and the others are like our kids.” She snorted. “It’d be silly to try and match the youngsters’ style. I’d rather twin with a fellow old grump.” She nudged his arm with a teasing smile. Her features had a softness that were worthy of being recorded in a charcoal portrait.
The captain hummed in response, ignoring the heat he felt on his neck despite the sea breeze. The idea of the 104th brats being our kids, as Hange put it, flustered him. Maybe it was the implication of a more than platonic relationship with her as they’d grown closer in the last year, or the idea that he’d likely never live a simple, traditional life with a partner and kids that bothered him. He pushed the thought aside and withdrew his hand from her hair, suddenly hyper aware of how much he had been touching her today.
I’m cutting her hair; of course I have to touch her. He tried to reason with himself, annoyed at the defensiveness of his own thoughts. There was nothing to be defensive about. No one, including Hange, seemed to notice or mind his doting.
Levi turned and carefully pressed one end of the blade into the sand while pulling up on the other until he heard it crack at the scored line. It was stupid enough that he’d gone along with her plan to cut her hair with a whole blade, but he’d rather err on the side of caution and use a smaller chunk of it when handling such a sharp object near her face.
“Take off your eyepatch.”
The softness melted away, and the sudden tension in her shoulders didn’t escape his notice. He knew Hange was reluctant to take off the cover at all, even around him. He had only seen her naked face a couple times in the year since Shiganshina, and the anxiety she felt at the exposure was palpable each time. He was sure he was the only one, aside from the doctors who operated on her eye upon their return, that had seen the injury and resulting scars.
“Sure.” The feigned nonchalance wasn’t fooling anyone. She slowly reached behind her head and pulled the leather off. Her gaze lowered and the patch tightened in her grip.
Levi knew by now that her nervousness around her eye didn’t reflect on her comfort with him, but nonetheless he didn’t like seeing her so uneasy and felt the smallest twinge of hurt that she felt that need to hide a part of herself from him. He gently hooked a finger under her chin and lifted until she looked at him. Wordlessly, he ran his fingers over her hair again to make sure it neatly framed her face so he would know where to cut.
A light pink dusted her cheeks and her jaw tensed slightly. She reached up to hold his hand under hers, cooled by the night air. Levi stopped his ministrations at the touch.
His eyebrows rose marginally, silently asking. Is this okay? Are you okay?
“I, um…” Hange brought their hands down from her head, keeping her fingers lightly clasped over his. She quickly looked away when their eyes met. “I was thinking I’d start parting my hair to one side. Change things up, y’know.”
Levi’s fingers twitched as he fought the urge to turn his palm over to press against hers. “You mean to cover your left eye?”
Hange had always been a straightforward person, saying whatever was on her mind whenever she wanted and to whomever she wanted. It was one of the traits that he liked about her. She was never afraid to call Erwin, him, or anyone else on their bullshit, even if she could get in trouble or be obnoxious about it at times. Seeing her so timid and apprehensive unsettled him.
She nodded wordlessly, still not meeting his gaze.
“Are you sure?” It wasn’t that he thought it would look bad. He was sure Hange would look as she always did–messy, pretty, kind, menacing, beautiful, whatever choice of words he wouldn’t say aloud–regardless of her hairstyle, but the suddenly evident shyness around her appearance, her eye in particular, was unlike her. His past self from a year ago would scoff at the idea of his missing her boldness.
The insecurity manifested in more subtle ways when they were outside the confines of either of their bedrooms or alone in her office. Levi saw the way she’d fidget with the straps, nervously adjusting it before important meetings. He’d caught her on more than one occasion glancing at the patch in reflective surfaces as they walked about. She’d also started to lean on her left side, whether into her hand or turning her head toward her shoulder during casual conversations as if she was trying to draw less attention to it.
Levi had never tried to directly ask her about this particular anxiety, but he knew he wouldn’t have the right words regardless. At best, he was once able to tell her that her missing eye didn’t change how he saw her, though he wasn’t convinced that had made any difference. This was one of the few times he wished he was better with words. If only he could tell her that she had only become stronger, more charming, more appealing, and frankly, prettier over time. Maybe he’ll come up with a way to tell her without sounding insubordinate, like a sycophant, or a love struck fool. He could do so while admonishing her hygiene habits, though he had to admit she had remarkably improved on that front since becoming Commander.
Hange nodded again. This time it was her fingers that twitched over his.
Levi gave into the impulse and turned his palm over. “If that’s what you want.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and pulled away before either of them could acknowledge the gesture.
He settled on his knees in front of her and began shaving away at the ends of her would-be bangs. It was hard to bite back a smirk when she scrunched her nose at the trimmings that tickled her face as they fell. If he hadn’t been ruminating on how overly touchy he thought he had been that day, he might have blown on her face to teasingly brush the hairs away.
They were quiet as he finished up the shaggy cut. Unlike before, this silence felt like it had an underlying awkwardness or tension to it, and Levi was unsure what exactly he did to cause it or how to fix it. Shit.
He set the blade down when he was done and started to brush the trimmings off her shoulders. Maybe he should have put his cloak around her to avoid this mess, but what was done was done.
Hange followed suit, brushing the hairs off her chest and stomach. She blew a puff of air up at her new bangs. She ruffled her hands through her hair before smiling up at him.
Levi’s neck tensed from the effort it took to will the heat away. His cheeks hurt at the force of keeping his face neutral. He felt a tug at his lips, wanting to return her dopey smile as his heart jumped. Instead, he brushed his hand over her forehead and nose. “You should clean yourself up,” he murmured. His fingers brushed down her cheek. Without thinking, they gently curled under her jaw as his thumb swiped over her lips.
They both froze, suddenly aware of how closely they were sitting, their breaths mingling in the narrow space between their faces. Levi mentally swore at himself for letting his eyes dart down to Hange’s lips, plump and slightly chapped as always. His thumb still rested on the lower one, touch featherlight. He forced his gaze back up to her eyes only to see her looking up from his mouth as well.
Shit. Was he crossing a boundary? Was she blushing because she was embarrassed or something else? She was always pulling him around and finding random reasons to have a hand on him, so this was okay, right? No, she’d touch his shoulder or arms, she’d never really touched his face. Fuck, he was being too intimate. She was going to think he was being creepy then lose her trust in him and-
Hange shifted, interrupting his thoughts before they could spiral any further. She leaned forward, slowly closing the distance between them and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Her eyelid fluttered shut for a brief second, and the lashes on her intact eye ghosted over his cheekbone. The soft push of her lips against his simultaneously felt too brief with her pulling away as quickly as she leaned in but that one moment also seemed like minutes to Levi as he registered how her mouth, warm and velvety, only a tiny bit scratchy like he’d imagined–not that he thought about her lips that much–felt on his skin.
“Thanks for doing this.” She grinned. She pushed herself up and was gone before Levi could even process what he could possibly say to her.
The commander grew smaller as she walked farther toward their fresh water supply to rinse off.
Still stunned, Levi brought a hand up and brushed his fingers softly over his lips. Hange just kissed him. His brows pinched together slightly.
Hange just kissed him.
For once, he didn’t even register the mess she’d left, all the bristly hairs dusting his own clothing. The flush he had been fighting back all evening rose unrestrained, furiously painting his cheeks red. He was thankful it was the middle of the night, and no one was there to witness his blushing like a fucking giddy child.
Why did she do that? It wasn’t unpleasant by any means though. Fuck, it was just friendly right? Hange kisses people all the time…right?
Levi scowled, still feeling the heat on his face. He’d never seen her kiss anyone casually like that. He’d be lying to himself, and not even well, if he were to try to delude himself into thinking he didn’t like it or that it meant nothing to him. He was frankly disappointed he had frozen and didn’t return the kiss and give her more.
Humanity’s strongest my ass. He had never frozen in the direst of moments. He had been the key difference in countless life or death scenarios, and he had never panicked or been rendered speechless the way Hange had him now.
If he was honest with himself, Levi had known that she had this effect on him for a while. It was always hard to actually say no to her despite his initial reluctance toward her shenanigans. Part of the reason he continued to tease and scold her, despite her clearly not heeding his words half the time, was because he liked the way she’d laugh and smile or look confusedly at him, trying to solve him like a puzzle and giving him her undivided attention, when he did so. It was easy enough to push most of his affections aside during the past year with both of them, especially Hange, becoming more and more busy. Being in such close proximity with her, being asked and allowed to touch her after all they’d been through together though, seemed to open a gate he had been trying to keep closed.
And that smile she gave him.
He knew then there was no hope of ignoring his feelings. What caused the flutter in his chest even more than the kiss itself was her smile. It was the first time he’d seen her truly smile, practically beaming at him, without wearing her eyepatch. He had missed seeing the way her eyes, both of them, crinkled at the corners when she was happy. For such a small piece of fabric, the patch diluted her expressions more than he realized, and seeing her full face again, joy unbidden made his heart beat faster. He would already protect her from anything with her being his closest friend and follow her anywhere as her loyal captain, but now…
The sound of a squawking seabird drew him from his reverie. Levi stood up and brushed himself off before gathering up his discarded ODM gear and the commander’s forgotten glasses. He headed toward Hange across the camp.
—
“Ta-da! What do you think?” Hange, with her eyepatch back on, held out her hands and beamed. She shook her head and let her newly cropped hair flounce over her shoulders. “You can’t say it looks like shit because you’d only have yourself to blame.”
Levi didn’t say anything, only standing across from her with his arms crossed. She was acting like nothing changed. Everything was normal. If she could kiss him unflustered, he should be able to do the same without overthinking, right? Fuck, he had never been much of an overthinker. Why now?
“You should grow out your hair so we can twin.” She led the way toward her tent.
“Not a chance.” He was sure he’d look like an idiot with a bob.
Hange ran a hand over her fringe. “You did a good job on the bangs. Better than when I tried to cut my own a few years ago.”
“Tch.”
They walked the rest of the way across the beach in silence. Her hand kept bumping into Levi’s as they walked, sending his brain into another flurry of questioning over her intentions. He spoke before he could trap himself in his thoughts again.
“Did I nick your head or something? You’re barely walking straight.” He nudged his hand against hers to prove his point.
She laughed. “Oh, sorry. I don’t have my glasses.” No wonder she was practically tripping over the sand.
“Here.” Levi stopped, his heart hammering as he pulled the frames from his pocket. He unfolded them and reached up to perch them on her nose.
Her breath hitched.
Levi wound his hand into her hair, grabbing her head where her ponytail usually would’ve been and pulled the commander’s face down. He pressed his lips against hers before he could chicken out.
The captain couldn’t help his smile when he felt her softly sigh against him. The grin only grew when she cupped her hands over his cheeks and pulled him closer. Her lips parted slightly as she deepened the kiss, her fingers curling over his cheekbones, his jaw, his neck. Levi wound an arm around her waist and hummed, reveling in how soft she felt under his fingers and secretly thankful she hadn’t put a shirt back on yet. Calloused hands roved over her skin, tenderly tracing the various scars from titan attacks, experiments gone wrong, malfunctioning gear, and where her ODM straps cut into her hips.
Levi felt Hange smile against his mouth as her fingers wound into his hair. She gently massaged his undercut and pulled away. He was glad he wasn’t the only one panting a bit.
She laughed, and it made him wonder if her laugh had always sounded that sweet. “I don’t think that’ll help me walk straighter,” she breathed.
Levi frowned as he always did, though this time it was accompanied by a tinge of pink on his ears. “I just gave you back your glasses.”
She pushed him away with another musical chuckle. Seriously, when did her laugh stop being annoying? “I meant the kiss, idiot.” She slid her slowly defogging glasses up her nose and continued the trek toward their tents.
“That wasn’t a very good comeback then,” he grumbled.
Hange turned to face him and walked backwards. “Sorry, guess I’m a little flustered.” With her cheeks rosy, she flashed humanity’s strongest another smile that left him a bit weak in the knees.
Oh, he had always been doomed from the start.