Chapter Text
It’s late. Too late for her to be calling, but Riri can’t sleep, and she knows what would make it better. The only thing she doesn't know is if Mary is awake. Sometimes she is, calls her first, and FaceTimes her from her desk. Bathed in a glow of lamplight, textbook open, body double seeking. She reads passages from her textbooks. Does her homework quietly, the only sound the tap of her fingers on the keyboard. The scratch of pen on paper.
She thinks Mary does it partly because she knows Riri is awake. Sometimes finds it hard to sleep, and she wants to keep her company. Riri can admit she’s gotten a little spoiled. Has gotten used to falling asleep to her quiet presence on the phone. Especially now, when she's been staring at the ceiling for hours and all she can think about is Mary and if she should call her.
She hasn't called tonight. To be fair, sometimes she doesn't, but it puts Riri in her head a little. She's never called Mary at night; she doesn't know if she has permission. It puts Riri a little at war with herself. She debates herself. What if Mary is asleep? She’d looked sleepy today. Lying on folded arms in class, leaning her head on Riri’s shoulder after an adjourned meeting in the council chamber, after everyone had left. Not to mention the time right now.
She grapples with something selfish. A voice that tells her even if she is, she’d answer for her. Then she grapples with the counterargument: what if she hasn’t called because she doesn't want to talk to her? She goes back and forth, trying to talk herself into and out of calling Mary.
The argument ends with this, the “selfish” part of her small-voiced and needy. Sounding eerily like a younger version of herself, saying, “I miss her.”
She palms her phone. Twists it in her hands once, twice, then she pulls up Mary’s contact and clicks the call button. She feels herself tense at each ring, fighting not to hang up on the first. Mary answers on the third, her voice dusted with sleep.
“Hello?"
Riri’s quiet for a moment. Drinking in the fact that she answered. It feels like a victory. Then she remembers she has to actually say something instead of breathing on the line like a creep.
“Hi, Mary."
“Hi, baby.” Mary laughs, “What's up?" Oh god, that laugh. A ghost of her usual one, quiet and close to the phone. Right in her ear. Who ever said Riri could not be moved?
"I just wanted to hear your voice," Riri says. Because she has to keep talking to hear her voice again. And maybe it's too honest. Or maybe one a.m. is the hour for honesty. No one she has to lie for is awake right now, and Riri can practically hear her smile through the phone. So if it's too honest, at least it's worth it.
She listens to Mary talk, slow and low, cause it's late and she hasn't left her bed. She gets caught up in the sound of her voice. The pet names she calls her. She’s trying to focus on what she’s saying more than how she’s saying it. Low-pitched and smoky. Sensuous. She's beginning to feel, again, something that must be positive. Can’t seem not to where Mary is concerned.
Something almost entirely new to her. Another thing Mary inspired and foreign. Becoming increasingly familiar. A flip in her stomach. A twist to her thoughts. An almost overwhelming urge to place both hands on her, and maybe her tongue too. It's a feeling she’s hesitant to name. One that causes more war within her, more grappling. More wondering what she is allowed.
Her desires warring with what she thinks she deserves. The fact that her desires might be winning, might be... changing her. She doesn't know how to deal with it, how to do anything except blush when she feels it.
She blushes now.
Mary is just telling her about her day, making conversation so Riri can hear the voice she told her she wanted to hear. But she’s also calling her honey in between telling her about the little things she missed when they were apart. The way her voice curls through the phone makes Riri buzz, want to get closer.
She gets up and paces slowly around her room, walking in squares. Listening to Mary talk. She can almost see her, snuggled up, hair in her bonnet. Struggling to keep her eyes open. If the phone had a cord, she’d be twirling it. If she were a different kind of girl, she’d be kicking her fucking feet right now. She keeps to her slow, measured squares instead.
She wishes she could touch her. Be near her, maybe hold her while she sleeps. Innocent enough. Until her thoughts snag on what else could happen in proximity to her bed. On how else she can touch her.
Her mind runs away from her. Mary’s influence making it think it's okay to leave her control for a bit. To take her on a flight of fancy. Mary talks, and her voice conjures images of how Riri could reward her for sounding like that. Her room isn't big enough for the squares she needs to walk to burn this energy. She grabs the key to her room, puts on a mask, and resolves to walk the halls until she can think clearly again.
She doesn't hang up the phone.
She walks the halls of St. Doms, a blushing wraith. No one is around to hear her talk, and anyone who would be roaming the halls at this hour, who would see Riri Timorov, would sprint the other way. So she tells Mary about her day.
Talks to her about anything that's on her mind. After all, it's Mary asking, and Riri is many things, but she has never been selfish. Mary hums in acknowledgment. Laughs that quiet laugh at jokes Riri doesn't even know she’s making. Adds insight to things Riri thinks about but never says. Takes interest in the secret parts of her. Riri talks enough that her head starts to clear.
She couldn't tell you how she ended up at Mary's door. Maybe she was lured by her siren song of a voice. But Mary's decals are staring her in the face, and she’s already knocking on it before she can stop herself, clearly taken over by that “selfishness" from earlier. Eager to see her face as she continues to listen to her talk on the phone.
“Hold on, baby, somebody's at the door," she says, and it makes Riri smile. To know that it’s her, Mary, is talking about. Even if she doesn't know it yet. Riri doesn't even hear that other voice in her head, the one that might have talked her out of this. Her desire selfishness remains loud in her ears, though. Practically purring in anticipation.
Riri hears the rustle of the sheets as Mary shuffles out of bed. Hears her sigh as she walks up to the other side of the door. When she opens it, her eyes squinting in the light of the hall, Riri feels herself soften. She looks just like she imagined, only she’s also wearing her glasses. Probably because she had to get out of bed.
“Hey.” She smiles. Phone dropping to her side as she takes Riri in. Tilting her head as she looks up into her face.
"Hi.", Riri says, eyes crinkling as she smiles behind her mask. She pushes her gently back into the room and closes the door behind her.
Riri takes stock of the room around her. Her desk, lamp off, books neatly stacked. The posters on her wall. Her unmade bed, probably still warm. Mary is alone. The only light comes from the glow of her laptop. Then she looks down into Mary's face, her eyes taking in what they came for.
She must be giving Mary that look. The one her sister calls puppyish with fake disdain. The one Mary rewards with a touch. A smile. Cause she's looking at her like she can't stand how cute she is, and she's pulling her closer. Throwing her arms around her shoulders in a way Riri is familiar with now.
She’s still warm from her bed, and now she’s talking in her ear. “You came all this way to see me?” she asks, and there's her voice again. That feeling again. Butterflies flying real low.
She didn't come here for this. To make all her fantasies a reality. She doesn't think she came here for this. But when Mary pulls back, when she looks at her like that with her gorgeous face. Like she likes her, like she's glad she's here. She can't help but kiss her, mask on, pure impulse. Mary laughs, hooks her fingers behind the straps, and takes it off. Then she kisses her properly.
There is something about Mary’s laugh, her entire voice, really, that ignites something in Riri. It makes her soft, melts her. Triggers some kind of pavlovian response of delight, the way her father's "gifts" trigger despair.
Sometimes, lately, it's been doing something else. Making her feel hot and off-kilter, making her think impure thoughts. Usually, it only happens when she's flirting. When she’s trying.
But there's something about its quality tonight.
Something that makes her stomach twist. Makes images flash in her head. Riri knows that it isn’t Mary’s intention. That she literally just sounds like this. And that’s dangerous. How she can make her feel, accidentally, just by being herself.
To make matters worse, now her hands are cupping her jaw. Her thumbs are caressing her cheeks, maddeningly soft. It’s not even half of all the things she imagined, being kissed like this, but it is the beginning of what she pictured. Pacing her room only moments ago.
She feels herself slipping, her mind urging her to slide her fantasies into reality. Mary pulls back, Riri chases her lips, and she laughs, again, quietly amused. She is so cute that it pushes Riri the rest of the way. Erases whatever misgivings she has, whatever restraint.
She lets go of herself, gives herself over to what she wants. She takes Mary’s lips, deepens the kiss. Delights in the surprised sound she makes. They half walk, half stumble to the bed. Riri falling lightly on top of Mary, trying to hover so she doesn't hurt her. Her hands bracketing her head, as Mary continues to cup her face. When she lowers her full weight on top of her, Mary moans low and soft against her lips. It's muffled, but her stomach still flips at the sound. And Riri knows why she came here now. To hear her more clearly. She’ll spend the rest of the night chasing that goal if she can.
Mary’s reward. For sounding the way she does. For existing, really.
Riri loves kissing Mary, loves the way she feels beneath her. Moves against her. She wants to keep kissing her, but she needs to hear her. So she moves from her lips, kissing her jaw and then her neck, freeing her mouth for other things — pure, unobstructed sound. But she doesn't hear her; she glances up to see Mary biting her lip to stop herself, to maintain control.
That won't do.
She kisses her way up to her ear. "I need to hear you, Mary," that earns her a gasp. She takes her earlobe gently between her teeth, and that earns her a moan, louder this time. Like a dam breaking, it opens the flood gates, and Riri hears everything. Her voice cracking when she palms her breast. How breathless she sounds when she slides her thigh between her legs. Her name repeated like a mantra, like a prayer. The way she speaks to her. Urges her on, begs her not to stop, tells how good she is, how good she feels against her. She learns some of the ways her voice can bend and shift and break. Every sound she makes, every word she says, just makes her hungrier for her, more insatiable. She learns just how good the word yes can sound. How much she loves hearing her own name. All without taking her clothes off.
Riri learns what her words can do to Mary as well. The moans she earns when she tells her how pretty she sounds. How she bucks up into her when she whispers truths into her ear. How good she feels underneath her palms. How soft she is. How gorgeous. She wishes she could show her how she looks right now. Hold a mirror up to her hooded eyes, her parted lips, moans spilling out of them constantly.
"Ri..Riri. wait.” She looks down at Mary. Finds reserves of restraint so she can keep herself from kissing her long enough to hear what she has to say. Mary licks her lips before she continues, trying to gather herself, and Riri tracks the movement of her tongue.
Distracting.
“Do you want to have sex with me right now?” she asks. Her voice is so soft, her eyes imploring. Riri comes back to herself. Does she want to have sex with Mary right now? She isn’t so unaware, she can feel the way Mary rolls her hips, thrusts herself up and against her thigh. Seeking some kind of friction. How she arches up into her hands. She is acutely aware of her every move, in addition to every sound she makes. She can feel herself as well, wet and hungry for more.
But she doesn't know if she wants this to be their first time. An ambush in the dead of the night. She thinks there is a more proper way to do this. A more romantic way. Rose petals and candlelight. At least a conversation. She doesn't know if she is doing this right. Thinks, perhaps, that being uncertain is a kind of answer to her question. Then another question...Does Mary want to have sex with her right now? She probably does if she's asking. It makes her nervous. It makes her blush. It short-circuits her a little.
Then Mary laughs again. Probably at the look on her face. Riri doesn't just hear it, she feels it through their bodies; they're pressed so close together.
"Ok," Mary says. "It's ok if you're not ready." The look on her face. The soft smile. The choice given. Riri remains astonished by the novelty of true choice. Of having something, anything, be her decision. Not a trick or a trap or an order.
She feels herself relax entirely.
She kisses Mary one last time. Tender and soft. Always so soft. Then she moves to get off of Mary. Before she can get off the bed. Prepare for the long walk back, Mary asks her to stay, at least until she falls asleep.
She pulls her closer, and Riri can feel her heart racing against the place her chest touches her. Can feel it slow and calm the longer she holds her, strokes soft skin with her fingertips as they watch shows on her laptop. Mary talks to her until her voice trails off into sleep. This time, all it ignites is a sense of calm.
Maybe whatever ignited her arousal in the first place is out of her system for now. Dormant until next time. Riri looks at Mary's sleeping face and feels peace. She wanted this too, she remembers, before anything else. To hold her. It's kind of baffling how she got everything she wanted tonight.
Mary wakes up to an empty bed and thoughts of last night playing on a loop in her mind. She reads Riri's good morning text, just a simple one like she always sends, and all she can hear in her mind is how she whispered in her ear last night.
She wants to ask her about last night.
Going to sleep was a challenge. Pressed up against Riri. Hands that had just been feeling her up, softly stroking her skin. Flashes of moments ago, all the words Riri had said, out loud. All the places she had touched. Plaguing her mind even as she'd shit talked the show they were watching. Got her heart rate under control. Somehow fell asleep. She thinks about it now, phone resting on her chest, her own good morning text sent.
She'd touch herself if Yumeko weren't around.
As it stands, she's forced to get ready for class instead, which she manages to do successfully. Council blazer on, ribbons tied, bag packed. Before she heads out, she makes the mistake of looking at her bed. She remembers how they'd stumbled onto it. How careful Riri had been not to crush her.
"Fuck." she mumbles. Then she heads outside to face her day.
It continues like that. Flashbacks of last night hitting her with one-two combos all day. Leaving her dazed and more than a little unfocused.
Classes she misses even though she's sitting right there, because she keeps thinking of Riri's hands on her boobs. Insults she doesn't throw because she keeps thinking of Riri's voice in her ear. Games she hasn't even noticed she's won because she keeps thinking of Riri's teeth on her earlobe. Conversational cues she keeps missing because she keeps thinking of all the things she wants to do to Riri in return.
Now they're at a council meeting, and Riri is just standing there next to Kira. Practiced stillness, watchful eyes, actually focusing on the meeting like she hasn't unraveled Mary's entire day. Like she isn't the single prettiest thing in this room. It’s not fair.
Even now, she makes Mary drift off into thoughts of her, as Kira talks.
Mary is not unsympathetic to wanting a first time to be special. She meant it when she said she respected Ryan for keeping his first time sacred. Unsullied by even a lie that could boost his status on the leaderboard.
She wants Riri’s first time to be special. She couldn't tell you what made Riri jump her like that last night. Transform her quiet night into something that echoed into her day. But she wants her to do it again. She wants her to be ready. She wants her to be comfortable. She wants to maybe not be in her pajamas and her bonnet.
She wants her to feel safe enough.
She looks at her now, and her mind conjures puppy dog eyes. How careful she is when she touches her. The crinkle of her eyes when Mary makes her smile. How easy it is to make her blush.
Sweet things to temper her that vanish when the thought of Riri blushing reminds her of last night. Obliterated by the way it bloomed when she’d asked her if she wanted to sleep with her, because she’d asked her if she wanted to sleep with her, and she seemed to realize she was on top of her. Hands underneath her night-shirt, thigh between her legs, careful Riri giving up control of herself to herself.
She wonders if she knows. How bad she wants her. If she knew last night, and it gave her permission to give in.
Mary doesn't know what the hell she did, if anything, to ignite that knowing. To call Riri to her and make her touch her with somehow careful abandon. Make her move on instinct that she felt and not instinct she was taught. But fuck was it hot.
Before she can ride that last train of thought, she’s pulled out of her reverie by movement. The scraping of chairs and gathering of supplies.
She feels like she only blinked, but now the meeting is over. It's over, and everybody is leaving. Everyone except Riri. Riri, who is walking over to her right now.
She sits in the chair next to her, and Mary's laying her head on her shoulder before it even registers in her mind, it's what she's doing. She can feel Riri relax. All that tension just seeps out of her the moment they touch. It is not lost on Mary how sacred that is. She takes it very seriously. Being someone who can make Riri relax. Help her rest. That's what she really wants. To make her feel safe.
Before Mary can take her hand, Riri beats her to it. Intertwining their fingers. It’s so simple, but it's progress, something she would have never done before. It makes Mary think of last night. Just the end bit, how Riri’s entire body had relaxed on top of hers when she’d told her it was okay not to be ready.
It makes her heart melt a little. The thought of Riri having a safe space to unwind. How something so simple as an option and a hand in hers, a head on her shoulder, can mean so much. Can do so much to make her feel safe. It makes a lightbulb go on in her head.
In that very moment, she starts planning something special.
Before she can enact her plan, she has to talk to Riri. That night ebbs and flows in her mind. Feels only half real. Sometimes Mary thinks it was a dream. A very realistic dream. Other times, it reminds her how very real it was.
She hesitates to ask Riri exactly what it was that made her come to her room that night and jump her bones. To talk about it at all, really. But she knows she has to. Because every time they kiss, now she has to resist the urge to take it further. To beg Riri to reprise her role, do a second act.
So they talk. Mary asks again when they’re alone, studying together in Riri’s single. She’s trying to study at least, sprawled on Riri’s bed. Sneaking glances at her between passages. Her silhouette in lamplight. Her arms out, her mask off, her hair down, pushed behind her ears. God, she looks so soft, so focused. Mary wants to know what's on her mind, what's in her head. She wants an answer to her burning question from that night.
“Do you want to have sex with me?” Her voice bursts the silence. Riri turns to face her immediately. Chokes on nothing.
“Not right now.” Mary laughs, a little too high, a little too nervous, “But like in general."
“I…Yes.” Riri replies. Her voice is never loud, but the conviction in it, the earnestness, fills the room.
“Ok. Good.”
There is a moment of silence. Mary holds eye contact for as long as she can before her gaze goes back to the pages of her textbook. She can feel Riri staring still. Can see her flushed face in her mind's eye. She didn't say it so it would happen right now. The conversation has been had, the topic broached.
Mary knows now for sure that Riri doesn't just like really intense make-out sessions. She knows if she pushes forward, there is a chance that Riri might not say no. She feels a physical absence when Riri looks away. Let's out a breath at the same time she does. Then they both laugh, look at each other again. When they look away, the atmosphere feels lighter.
They go back to studying. The promise of later hanging in the air.
Mary lets the rest of the week play out. She wants there to be no distractions. No classes, no tasks from Kira, no enforcing, no planning, no games.
No interruptions.
She waits for Saturday night to be certain of it. Invites Riri on a date three days in advance. Movie night, Riri’s room, nine o’clock. She banishes Riri from her room to set up. Collects the keys to her single after dinner, kisses her on the cheek in the empty hall, and tells her to find somewhere to be while she gets everything ready. Then she goes about setting up a pillow fort out of Riri’s insanely nice sheets. Picking a low-key movie to keep them both at ease. Good enough to keep playing if Riri says no. Her sweater is low-cut and her skirt is short. Her hair is immaculate, and she smells good.
She’s ready to get ruined.
Riri knocks on the door at nine on the dot. Mary smiles as she opens it, pulls Riri gently in. She gets to watch her face change as she takes off her mask and takes in her room. Glowing with fairy lights, Mary only busts out for movie dates. Her eyes glitter when she turns back to look at her. Her grin impish as she asks, “What are we watching tonight?"
“Scooby-Doo. Monsters unleashed, too, if you’re good."
Riri laughs. Mary dam near swoons. It's just her laugh is so cute, and so full, and so loud. Her eyes are bright with joy. Mary hears a loud voice in her head begging her to kiss her. She would never resist that impulse. She grabs Riri by the hand to pull her closer. Grabs her by the face and leans up a little. It’s almost just a peck; it’s as quick as she can make it without getting carried away. She pulls away, and Riri is still smiling at her.
“Come on,” Mary whispers, and she pulls her in the direction of the fort.
They climb inside and settle in. They’re sitting so close together. Mary can feel her warmth. She turns to face her, starts her spiel on what Scooby-Doo is without giving anything away. She notices Riri notice what she’s wearing in real time. The way her eyes flicker down to her top, to her thighs. The way her fingers twitch. Then she quickly looks back at her face. Makes a concerted effort to pay attention only to what she’s saying. It’s cute.
“You ready?” she asks, and has to stop herself from laughing when Riri can only say "uh-huh."
Mary likes her movies old school. Especially when she’s showing old ones to Riri. She likes to recreate the environment she would have seen them in if she’d had a less fucked childhood. She presses play, and the old disc spins up old previews. Riri watches them with interest. Mary takes note of which ones she might like later. It feels like a regular date. Mary almost forgets why she set it up in the first place.
Riri reminds her when she looks back at her again.
There is something familiar in her wandering eyes. Something hungry, like that look from that night when she’d laughed and Riri had kissed her like she’d said something filthy instead. Mary speaks up, and it's a complete deviation from their regularly scheduled. Her voice comes out a little shakier than she means it to be. A little lower, too.
"Wait, Riri, before we start, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.”
Riri’s eyes snap from her chest to her face, and that makes Mary feel a little less nervous. Makes her smile. Riri smiles too, her eyes doing that thing that makes Mary want to reach out and touch her. She looks at her like she can’t believe she’s there. Like she’s delighted that she is. That she’s real. Mary gets caught up in that look. She feels accomplished, she feels loved.
What is it? Riri says. And Mary remembers she has to finish her sentences. She has to inform Riri that she intends to take her virginity tonight.
“The other night was... I mean, the night you came to my dorm...I really liked it. Like, I’ve been thinking about it all week, and if you wanted to do it again, I would love that. So I was kind of thinking we could do it again. Tonight, maybe. If you wanted to…yeah.”
Fuck.
She was supposed to be more eloquent than this. Sexier. But she has Riri's full attention, and her eyes are distracting. Adoration pouring from them like she hung the moon in the sky. They widen in surprise, and Mary blushes; her heart rate increases. Riri doesn't get a chance to reply before Mary continues.
"We don't have to do anything tonight if you don't want to. But if you want to, I want you."
Riri makes a strangled sound, something like a moan, at the sound of that. Mary wants her. She's been thinking about that night all week. She's been thinking about her all week. She clears her throat. Looks Mary in her eyes and asks, “Can I kiss you?” Mary smiles at her.
Then she leans in.
Riri's first time goes like this.
The glow of fairy lights illuminating soft brown skin. Soft pillows and blankets cushioning her body. Mary’s voice telling her exactly how to touch her. Mary helping her relax through being touched herself. Talking her through it in a voice as gentle as it is sinful. Someone she adores, someone who adores her, taking the time to take her apart. Mapping her body with fingers and lips, and tongue. That night, she finds out just how much she likes being told how good she is. How deserving, how worthy, how wanted. That night, she starts to believe it. Hears the truth of it in Mary’s moans. In the way she comes undone beneath her fingertips. In the way she herself is unwound.
They fall asleep together, Scooby-Doo on in the background until it’s not. Skin to skin, tangled up.