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The funny part was that neither of them liked Coldplay that much.
Well, funny in hindsight. At the time, Ryan didn’t find it funny at all.
It was his stupid idea. He’d made Shane go with him. They’d been having trouble finding music they both liked enough to go to a concert to, and Ryan was a little tired of always sneaking around, and hiding out in Shane’s or his apartment.
The concert was out of town, they both liked a few of the smash hits enough to enjoy it, and he’d gotten tickets for him and Mari a year ago, and she - understandably - didn’t want to go anymore, after the break up.
Shane had looked a little apprehensive of the idea. Shane and his stupid, pretentious taste in music had gotten them into it. Shane, his stupid, pretentious taste in music, and his tendency to just do what Ryan wanted, because Ryan wanted to. The way his stupid, handsome face had lit up when Ryan had expressed that he wanted to go somewhere public with Shane, do something couple-y.
Sure. They could go to the movies, or walk through the city or go have dinner with an arm length apart and a laugh on their lips, but hey. Sometimes Ryan just wanted to cuddle his stupid tall basically-boyfriend in a public space and get away with it. And in a crowd of forty thousand people in a large, dimmed stadium with all eyes on Christ Martin instead of them?
Fucking perfect.
It wasn’t even bad. They had more hits than Ryan remembered, the vibes were great, the music blended perfectly in the background, and Shane understood the assignment and had Ryan in his arms from behind, swaying them gently in the music. None of them were actively listening, just enjoying the atmosphere and each other’s company, and once in a while, Ryan let his head fall back, tell a stupid joke and be rewarded with Shane’s laughter and a kiss in the dark.
It was pretty great.
And then he glanced at the stage and there was a fucking huge, close-up picture of him and Shane, and the stadium exploded in cheers.
“What the-”
Ryan immediately tore himself out of Shane’s arms and turned around. Please no, please no, please no. If anyone in this stadium of forty thousand(!!) people recognized them, that was the end of them keeping things under wraps.
Shane, ridiculously, tried to duck behind the banister they were standing in front of, his stupid big head still poking out from behind, because - and apparently he hadn’t noticed - he was so damn fucking tall.
“You know they can still see you, right?” Ryan hissed, without turning around to confirm.
“They cannot-”
“Wow,” came Chris Martin’s voice from the stage, clearly amused, that outing bastard. “Either these two are really shy or they’re having an affair.”
The stadium broke out in roaring laughter. Ryan felt like dying.
“Your head is literally- you’re too tall to duck, dude.”
Shane peeked up towards the stage to look at the video.
“Well, now they can definitely see you. I’m going to vomit.”
“I’m not that ugly.”
“This is not the time for jokes!”
“I’m only like, half-joking.”
“You’re beautiful and I fucking hate you. And if we survive this, I will kill you. Turn the fuck around.”
“Bit late now, Ryan. If anything, we made ourselves more suspicious.”
“We wouldn’t be suspicious if no one saw our faces!” Ryan shot back and Shane snorted.
“You work in video, you should know that turning around while filmed doesn’t make you go back in time and change the footage they already have.”
“Who the fuck has a kisscam during a concert, anyway. Some things should just stay in sport. You’d never kiss me at a sports game!”
“I think I could try.”
Chris Martin had moved on to the next unfortunate couple, Ryan noticed distantly. He peeked over his shoulder to glance at the screen. It was a bit annoying that no one else seemed to mind. They all smiled at the cameras and put on a show, kissing each other, holding each other. Ryan felt something bitter somewhere on his tongue for a moment and quickly swallowed it down.
“You fucking hate sports games.”
“I’d go with you.”
“That- Urgh, stop being sweet. You going with me is what brought us into this mess.” He looked at the people around them, who had all forgotten watching the stage to instead watch them bicker.
“This is- normal for us,” he assured them, because they looked somewhat worried.
“We’re not having an affair,” Shane added. “We’re both single.”
Ryan frowned at him.
“Uhm, I mean, not really. We’re both together. With each other. Sorry, still new.”
“He’s about to be single,” Ryan countered with a glare.
“Then you would be too, technically,” Shane added in a thoughtful tone that really didn’t give Ryan’s threat much weight.
Ryan sighed.
“Let’s just get out of here, you’re bothering the people.”
“ You started talking to them!” Shane said, but he followed Ryan out through the rows to the exit door, their bickering trailing behind them as everyone standing in front of their seats turned to them and watched them leave.
They walked quietly through the night, the sound of the last songs being played following them back to the parking lot to Ryan’s car.
“Maybe no one will care,” Shane broke the oppressive silence.
“Right.” He didn’t actually believe that shit, right?
“Maybe it’s just- just a funny concert moment to them and that’s it. What happens at the concert, stays at the concert?”
Ryan opened his car door, slipped behind the driver’s wheel and immediately bonked his head against it. Shane climbed in next to him, looking as always a little too big to be in a car, and turned to him.
“Ryan, listen, it’ll be okay.”
“It’s okay. I just- this is not exactly how I wanted my outing to go, you know?”
“I- yeah.” Shane chewed his lower lip, sighing. “There really is- I mean ethically- I get wanting to be inclusive of all couples, but we can’t be the only gay people not quite out to the-”
“No one would’ve cared though, if we hadn’t immediately jumped apart, right?” Ryan said tonelessly. “It’s my own fault.”
They shouldn’t have gone. They should’ve just stayed at home and watched some movies, the way they always did. He should’ve just been happy with what he had, peaceful bliss and popcorn and Shane cuddling him on the sofa. Why had he wanted to go out? In public? What had he thought? This was really no one’s fault but his own, he was an idiot, and now he was-
Shane wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him against him, and planted a little kiss to the top of Ryan’s curls, immediately tearing him out of his destructive thought spiral. For a moment, they just stayed like this, Ryan’s head beautifully empty, listening to Shane’s heartbeats.
It wasn’t that bad, in all honesty. Maybe no one would say anything. And if they did- well.
He glanced at Shane, who smiled back, open and comforting.
It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. People knowing he was with Shane. It wasn’t exactly something to be ashamed of. In fact, in his weaker moments, Ryan could be persuaded to brag about it.
(Because Shane was sweet and hilarious and knew him better than anyone else, and had more integrity in his little finger than most men their entire life, and he was handsome in a way Ryan still hadn’t grown tired of, and he was insane, but in a great way, and he was his rock, and his partner in crime and career and romance, and really, if people knew, he didn’t mind, as long as they knew just how fantastic Shane really was, but- but-)
“Fuck man,” Ryan whispered. “What are we gonna tell the Watcher gang?”
Okay, so, the video went viral within minutes. Someone had apparently posted it on tiktok - Shane told him that, he didn’t use that site - without even knowing who they were. Because it’d been funny.
Ryan could, realistically, appreciate that it was funny, when he watched it on Shane’s phone. The video showed them jumping apart while the crowd’s cheers turned into laughter, how Shane tried to hide behind the banister (unsuccessfully) and how Ryan started bitching at him with his back turned to the crowds. There was a good five seconds of their silent bickering before whoever controlled the jumbotron had moved away from them hastily.
“I’ve, unfortunately, never seen a better showcase of who we are as a couple,” Ryan said blankly.
Shane, who’d been very carefully curating his reaction to the whole thing blowing up, finally snorted, and Ryan couldn’t really help himself from tagging along. Soon their bedroom - okay technically Shane’s bedroom but they’ve been sharing it for the last couple weeks - was filled with their slightly hysterical laughter.
People in the comments had identified them immediately. The first memes about the situation were already spreading. Oh boy.
“They’re gonna tell us we’re idiots and then they’ll be shocked,” Ryan mused. “Probably have all kinds of questions. We gotta tell them it’s not been that long- I mean. We’re their bosses. Urgh, and we should talk to Steven first.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Shane yawned. “They’re our friends, they’ll understand.”
“They’ll be upset.” It wasn’t like Ryan, to not be worried. Shane knew that. Shane also knew that he had the unnerving power to calm him down with a couple touches. He pulled Ryan into his arms, slung his long, long legs around him like a Koala, and said, “Shush, Ryan. It’ll be okay. We’re in this together, we’ll figure it out. Tomorrow. Okay?”
Oh God, they had to go into the office tomorrow. It was a fucking week day.
“Never- never again let me talk you into going somewhere you don’t want to go, you hear me?” Ryan grumbled and Shane gave a tired little snort into the crook of his neck.
“I’ve got bad news for our ghost hunting careers, then.”
“Aw, fuck off.”
But Ryan, somehow, found it in him to laugh, because Shane always made him laugh, and the world, weirdly, looked only half as terrifying as long as Shane made him laugh. He fell asleep like that, curled up against Shane, a smile still playing around his lips, only half-terrified.
They listened to a report about their own affair on the radio.
The last couple weeks, they’d been “carpooling” to work together, which was code for “Ryan had slept over and drove them”, of course.
That excuse wouldn’t quite work anymore.
The maybe singular bad part was, that people actually thought they were having some affair. Which, in a way- but they weren’t cheating on anyone. Shane and Sara had split, and Ryan and Mari had too shortly after, over half a year ago, and they were all still friends. It had been a bit of a mess to navigate, but it was fine now. They were fine. They were the only ones who knew about Ryan and Shane, because both had figured they deserved to know (and both had simply replied with a variation of “finally”, because they were great like that).
But people couldn’t seem to fathom why they would jump apart the way they had, if there wasn’t some cheating involved. Which was ridiculous. Did they really not understand that this was not the way a gay couple would want to be outed to be gay?
“We’ll have so much explaining to do,” Ryan growled. “Are you sure we can’t call in sick?”
“We owe them some explanations,” Shane said softly.
They’d parked in their usual spot, facing the office, staring at it without moving.
Shane had turned the radio off when Viva la Vida came on.
Ryan was pretty sure he could never listen to Coldplay again.
"Okay, well." Let’s get this fucking over with, then.”
Ryan opened the door and finally slipped out, let the morning air clear his head a little while Shane followed him, holding his hand out to Ryan.
He hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and took it. Cat was out of the bag - he might as well reap the benefits.
Everyone was already in when they entered (it was a common occurrence - Shane had had a phase where he’d actually been on time, but that was before Ryan drove them).
“Hey guys,” Ryan said almost shyly.
Shane gave a half-hearted wave in the round.
They heard mumbling heys back, no one looking up from whatever they were doing - screens, coffee cups, equipment.
“Uh,” made Ryan. “So, y’all probably saw… the video…”
“Oh, yeah,” Lizzie looked up, smiling, looking only moderately confused. “How was the concert?”
“Uh,” said Ryan again.
“Listen, we appreciate you all playing it cool,” Shane jumped to the rescue. “But you can ask, it’s okay.”
People did look up now, exchanging more confused looks with each other.
“Uhh, okay,” Matt finally said. “Why… Coldplay?”
“Ryan had tickets.”
“I had tickets.”
“Cool.”
Everyone turned back to their screens.
It was Ryan and Shane’s turn to exchange confused looks with each other now.
“Is that… all you’ve got to say?”
“I like Coldplay,” Meredith said helpfully.
Steven walked in from his office, smiling at them.
“Oh, hey guys, had fun at the concert?”
“Okay, is no one- we’re your bosses.”
Steven frowned.
“Not my-”
“Okay, we’re not Steven’s- Listen. Okay. I’ll just- go out and say it. We’re really sorry that you had to find out this way and that we kept it a secret from you. It was never our intention to-”
“Huh?” asked Mark.
“What exactly did you keep a secret from us?” Steven asked. “Should I be worried?”
“We’re- together. Shane and I- We’re together,” Ryan said.
“Uhm, Ryan…” Shane muttered close to his ear.
“It’s true. What the jumbotron showed. I know you all saw it. Our entire social media page is full of it.”
“Yes, actually, I was going to talk to you about that,” Emily threw in. “I’ve got so many ideas for tiktok videos, and all of them involve you two kissing. But we gotta be fast, go with the trend!”
“Ryan, I think-” Shane muttered again, but Ryan waved him off, frowning.
“Aren’t any- don’t any of you want any explanations?”
“Explanations for what?” Lizzie asked.
“Our new relationship?”
“Ryan- listen-” Shane tried again.
“New relationship?” Steven asked. “Did Shane and you break up?”
“What do you me- No we did not break up! We’re to-geth-er !” he repeated the word slowly now, getting louder with each syllable.
“ We. Know. ” Steven answered with the same inflection of his tone.
“I think he wants us to be shocked about that,” Matt said with a frown.
“Wait, did you think we didn’t know?” Lizzie asked. “We’ve known for years.”
Ryan opened his mouth, but no words came out. He turned to Shane, who was trying his hardest not to laugh at him.
“What- what do you mean, you’ve known for years?” Ryan asked, deflated. He turned to Shane again. “What do they mean, Shane?”
“I mean, you two weren’t exactly subtle about it,” Steven shrugged. “We all knew. Was it supposed to be a secret?”
Shane was silently shaking beside him, trying to hold in the laughter. Ryan felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.
“We’ve… only gotten together a couple weeks ago.”
For a long moment, no one spoke. There was absolute silence in the room, apart from Shane’s dying man noises as he tried to hold back his snorts.
“Are you…. sure?” Lizzie finally asked, which seemed to be the final nail in the coffin for Shane, who broke out into roaring laughter.
Ryan’s lips twitched from the urge to join in, but his befuddlement won over for a moment, making him shake his head. “What even- did you all actually think we were together all this time?”
The answer was an almost synchronized, overwhelming “yes” ringing from the entire office.
Ryan nodded. Turned to Shane, who was wiping tears away from his eyes and said, “you take over, I gotta go call my fucking therapist.”
“You were not together all this time?” Ryan’s therapist asked, sounding stunned. “In that case, I completely misjudged you for the last seven months worth of sessions.”
“I-” Ryan swallowed down any harsh response he could think of.
In hindsight, it made sense, the reason all the people online never even considered that he and Shane had jumped apart because they were outed as gay in public, against their will.
It wasn’t an outing for any of them at all, was it?
“Just for how long has it looked like Shane and I were in gay love, or whatever?” he finally managed to ask.
He could hear his therapist’s shrug in his voice.
“For how long do you think?”
It wasn’t so bad, all in all. They properly came out and explained to their fans. Ryan’s mum wasn’t as angry not to be the first person to be told as he had thought - mostly because, she, too, thought they’d been dating for years - his therapist told him it was a great opportunity to be open about his feelings, or whatever.
And it was actually kind of funny.
The office made it a point to play Coldplay all day long, now. Ryan wasn’t quite sure who was behind it, but if he had to venture a guess, he’d think that it was probably Shane .
But he couldn’t be mad about it.
The truth was that it was kind of nice. Going to the movies with Shane, and actually getting to hold his hand. Getting to jump into his arms in haunted houses, when things got too scary. Getting to interrupt one of his stupid jokes with a kiss, and then grinning at the camera when it worked, because that sweet, sweet idiot got all blushy and fumbled through his words whenever Ryan kissed him in public.
And he could, finally, in his weak moments, brag about the fact that he’d somehow pulled the absolute best man one could possibly pull.
It was nice.
So when Shane got them both Coldplay tickets for his birthday a year later, he only killed him a little.
(And then got both of them basketball tickets, just to get revenge.)
(And also because he really fucking loved basketball.)