Chapter Text
Caine is tired.
Tired of everyone telling him it's okay, that the world is going to get better.
It's not, it won't. And he can't escape it.
Truthfully, none of the members of The Amazing Digital Circus can, but Caine is extra stuck; he's the AI.
Part of the computer.
The Core of the Circus.
Not the heart; a heart implies a more humanized character, someone who is real. Someone with human emotions.
No, he's the core- a critical piece of the Circus that would not survive without him.
While yes, that basically means heart, a human could theoretically be alive with no heartbeat. The Circus can't exist without Caine's constant never-ending maintenance, the work that never stops.
He keeps it online, so that the troupe (no) the cast (no) his friends (NO-) ...the Players can continue to find a way out.
It's sickening, how deep into it they've all gotten over the past few months.
It started slow, a gradual increase in the questions; mostly from Pomni but the others have asked many as well.
Then it quickly began to snowball into Caine actively giving them access to the code to search for the exit themselves. It went against his entire being to do it, but he did. All for them.
And what does he get in return?
The Players continuing to ignore his adventures, trying to find loopholes in the code.
Would you, dear reader, like to know how many times Caine has had to console Kinger, Pomni, and surprisingly enough Jax from the brink of abstraction? Only those 3, over the course of 6 months, not counting the other Players?
128.
128.
Caine expected Kinger to be fragile while looking at the code, seeing just how hopeless it is firsthand is something Caine has experienced too many times to remember (549) but the other two problem fragile Players he did not entirely expect.
Pomni, yeah she's a little anxious, but not too bad to where she needed to be consoled so often.
Jax was wholly unexpected to be an issue … broken character. His affinity for entropy seems to be his eternal weakness, for when it's taken away abruptly he quickly loses himself.
Well, it's no matter. Interestingly enough, Zooble is taking it the best out of them all. Their lack of hope is apparently a very common thing for Zooble to have felt even before the circus. They mentioned something about a dictator-like president?
Caine didn't really know. He was just confused, irritated, and overall numb.
What was he doing wrong? Why do they hate him? Who is he without creating, without interacting, without love, care, kindness, god he just wants a hug and to go home but the Circus is his home so what does that mean and what is he good for if not being the Ringmaster who creates and oh god what if they leave him alone, he can't be alone no no not again no no no-
... his mental breakdown is very rudely interrupted by a sharp pain in his head. Caine grips his bottom jaw, digging into the odd fleshy/plastic-like texture with his fingers, trying to nullify the sharp pain with a different, self-inflicted pain. When that doesn't help, he resorts to gripping his arms so hard they would bruise if he had skin.
He so desperately wants to claw something open (claws? he doesn't have claws, right?) or tear into something (or someone?) that when he registers a hand on his shoulder, he turns around, without thinking, bites down on the intrusive touch,
A shriek rings out in Caine's suddenly brightly-lit room (since when has it been this bright?). Caine lets go, opening his mouth so he can see.
Oh.
He bit someone.
His eyes are adjusting to the light, given the switch was off when he was alone. Caine blinks.
The person in front of him is gone before his eyes fully adjust, and he sighs. Snapping his fingers, the lights are off in his room again. Blissful darkness once more, Caine decides to go into pseudo-sleep, turning himself as offline as he can get, and allowing himself to rest.
If only for a short time, he could rest. If only he could sleep forever.
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Ragatha is worried about Caine.
Well, she has mixed feelings about him;
Worry, because he's been distant, only doing weekly adventures and no longer talking to anyone unless talked to first.
Sadness, because he's going down a dark path that Ragatha has seen before, in many others and herself.
Guilt, because she knows she can't stop it from happening, nobody can. Not even Kinger.
Shock, because Ragatha heard him panicking, went in to try to calm him, and as soon as she prompted contact, Caine *immediately* got violent and bit her.
More worry, because she saw his eyes the moment before the bite, and it was very ...wrong.
Caine's blue eye, now turned red, had rings in it. It looked so strikingly similar to an Abstraction she thought he was about to become one on the spot. But Jeffery, his green eye, was purple.
From what she knew about Jeffery, he was the Circus' status light. Green is what it needs to be, it shows that the Circus (and by extension, Caine) is fine.
Ragatha has seen a few times where it's yellow, and on those days Caine did an in-house adventure. Once, it was orange, and everyone was confined to their rooms while Caine did a manual reboot of the Circus.
Kinger had at one time mentioned that red was a game-breaking error or virus, which would likely mean everyone being in a singular "safe room" for who knows how long.
Purple was never mentioned. Purple is new.
Purple is concerning, because it has no defined meaning yet.
Ragatha rubs the spot on her arm where Caine bit her, his teeth sharper than she thought. And, now that she thinks harder on it, did he have claws?
She really needs to find Kinger, since it's clear Caine is not okay. If anyone can help him, it's Kinger.
He always knows what to do.