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Taehyung lay on the bed, one arm under his head, looking at Jin's naked back.
“Why are you doing this again?”
“What?”
“You know.” Taehyung shrugged. “Leave. Get fucked by someone else. Come back.”
Jin shook his head a little while putting his socks on.
“We’ve talked about it enough times, Taehyung. I don't do relationships. And you agreed.” Jin glanced at him behind his shoulder.
“Yes, I did. And it sucks but I would be okay with that if you were. But you're not.”
Jin sighed. He was too tired for this. “Taehyung, please, don't start again–”
“Why?” He sat on the bed. “It's been almost a year. You always come back. You clearly want to stay.”
“You don't know what I want.”
“I'm pretty sure I do. It's me who looks at your face all the time. I can read you.”
“You can't read shit.” Jin said, sliding his t-shirt on, and stood up. The sweet voice Taehyung heard less than 10 minutes ago was completely gone now.
Taehyung tilted his head. “Is love really that scary to you?” His stare was burning holes in Jin’s skin — making him feel more naked than when he actually was.
Jin sighed again. “There's no love here, Taehyung.” He said pointing between them. “It's just sex.” He picked up his boxers and looked at Taehyung, flipping it right side out. He noticed Taehyung's jaw clenching.
“Mhm. Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He said, voice rough. Jin rolled his eyes. He didn't want to entertain that conversation any further. He slid his boxers on and did the same with his pants. He was doing his zipper up when Taehyung spoke again.
“Do you just like to paint yourself as a martyr or do you truly believe you don't deserve to be loved?”
“For the love of god. Stop. We had this conversation one too many times. I'm not talking to you anymore if you don't want to listen.”
“It's you who doesn't want to listen.” Taehyung stood up and put on his boxers.
“Fine. If you think that – then I will not be talking to you anymore.”
“Great.”
“Fantastic.” Jin picked up his phone from the bedside table and walked in the direction of the door.
Taehyung crossed his arms, watching him. “You won't be able to not talk to me, though.”
Jin scoffed. “Well, I'm not planning to talk to you anymore since you're so stubborn, so.” He slid his shoes on. Taehyung just looked at him with a blank expression on his face, but Jin noticed his eyes looked a little glossy.
“Whatever. You'll be back begging me to fuck you in less than two weeks anyway.”
“No, I won’t. Go fuck yourself.” Jin checked if he had his keys in the trousers' pocket and left, not sparing Taehyung another look. He promised himself that it truly was the last time.
But he was, in fact, back at Taehyung's apartment in less than two weeks, asking Taehyung to fuck him. And Taehyung did. And he made him dinner after. And they ate. And laughed. And fucked again. And he ran away once more. A pathetic circle he wasn't able to break.
It all started approximately eleven months ago. Jin's friend and flatmate, Yoongi, invited him and their other two close friends, Namjoon and Hobi, for a drink one day, because he wanted them to meet his new favourite person — now boyfriend — Jimin. Of course, Jimin hadn't come alone. He also took his best friends with him, Jungkook and Taehyung.
Yoongi was sure they would like each other and he was right. They clicked right from the start, creating an extremely fun friend group. Jin took a liking to them all, but especially Taehyung. He quickly developed a little crush on him because everything he was and everything he did, was extremely attractive.
However, since he knew Yoongi and Jimin got a thing going on between them, he didn't want things to get messy at the very beginning, so he decided he wouldn't do anything about it.
But he was a rather weak person. Impatient and hasty. And it was Taehyung who made the first move — Jin just followed the lead.
×××
The night was coming to an end. Everyone was a little drunk, Jungkook and Hobi a lot more than little, to be exact. They were running out of ideas for songs to sing on karaoke, since their brains were getting tired and foggy. Jimin decided it's high time to take Jungkook home, when he bumped into a table and broke 3 glasses in the process. Yoongi followed them to help Jimin and Namjoon decided Hobi should also say hello to his pillow, as he was barely awake at that point. So, as a good flatmate, he made sure that this meeting took place as soon as possible. It made Jin and Taehyung stay behind, alone.
“It's almost 2am. They will be closing soon.” He said after finishing his beer. His arm draped loosely over the back of the back of the couch they were sitting on. The fingers that just brushed Jin's neck accidentally at the beginning of the night, now were finding their way into Jin's hair, mindlessly playing with it. “Maybe we could switch places, if you're not too tired.”
Jin smiled, leaning his head back on the backrest — which was currently Taehyung's palm. A lazy smile on his lips.
“I'm not. Where to?”
“Maybe my place? I have something to drink, so we’ll have that covered.”
Soberer Jin would probably think about it twice and then most likely said yes. Drunk Jin just hadn't thought.
“Sure. Let's go.”
The whole Uber ride to Taehyung's flat was full of tension that was evident to both of them. Taehyung's place wasn't big but still cosy — a small kitchen combined with the living room on the left and a bedroom with only a bed and a closet on the right side of the room, bathroom settled between the two rooms. Natural earthy tones and a lot of plants swallowing the walls and shelves made it feel like a happy space.
But Jin gathered all this information in the morning. He had no time to even confirm the colour of the walls — if somebody was to ask him about it the previous night — because as soon as they stepped over the threshold, he had his back pressed to one of the said walls and was being passionately kissed by the owner. They were on the bed in no time, eagerly getting rid of their clothes.
“Taehyung.” Jin said, breathless. His mind getting a glimpse of clarity. He pushed Taehyung's chest a little, to disconnect his lips from his neck. The man looked at him, impatient hands caressing the skin all over Jin's body. “I really like you, you know that.”
“Yeah, I do.” He licked his lips and kissed him again. Jin reciprocated but started pushing him off again.
“And I'm insanely attracted to you–” Jin murmured into the kiss, getting just a hum and a harsh grab of the waist in response. He grabbed Taehyung's shoulders, more firmly this time, breaking the kiss and keeping him in place. “But I need to know if we're on the same page here.” Taehyung looked at him for a moment in silence.
“Which is?”
“I don't want a relationship. And before we do more, I need to know if you're okay with that.” He observed Taehyung closely, Taehyung doing the same to him. He couldn't read his expression, he could only guess that he looked like he was assessing something.
“Yeah, no strings attached. Sure. Got it.”
He grabbed Jin's face with one hand and kissed him, long and passionate. This time Jin let himself enjoy it fully, mind at ease.
×××
It wasn't a one night stand. It was far too good to be that, so it quickly transformed into friends with benefits. And it truly was that. For some time, at least. The sex was probably the best Jin has ever had, making him have shivers of excitement and anticipation just by the mere thought of doing anything with Taehyung. And Jin genuinely liked spending time with him when they were doing normal friends stuff. Because he liked Taehyung.
And that was the problem.
Because Jin liked Taehyung too much. Which was unfortunate, because Jin refused to fall in love. And liking Taehyung this much was dangerous.
He had his heart broken once and he had almost died because of the pain it brought onto him. His first true love, a boy he met when he was seventeen, and been in a relationship for over four years, had been cheating on him while pretending to not see the world outside of Jin. He was telling him he was going to marry him while simultaneously fucking other people on the side. The day Jin found out was the worst day of his whole life — in the morning he was looking at wedding venues and in the evening his heart was ripped from his ribcage and sliced with a dull knife. It was also the day the hopeless romantic in him died.
He promised himself that he wouldn’t give himself to another person ever again because it's simply futile.
So, when he started developing feelings for Taehyung, he tried to distance himself from him. He should have told Taehyung he wanted to stop having sex and that they should just stay friends, which probably would be healthier. But he didn't do that. Instead, he stopped doing the friends stuff, which turned their relationship into an unhealthy booty call situationship.
But god, he really couldn't stop. Taehyung was like a drug and Jin was certainly addicted.
He tried to find a remedy for that addiction by sleeping with other people — maybe find somebody who made him feel as good as Taehyung, without any feelings getting involved. But whenever someone fucked him or he fucked someone, he only had one thing on his mind.
Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung.
It was frustrating. He couldn't escape. He couldn't move on. He couldn't change. He was stuck.
There was a part of him, somewhere deep down, that just wanted Taehyung to push him away. To toss him aside. To give up on him and move on with his life. But Taehyung hadn't done that. He just offered him warmth and safety each time Jin crawled back. Jin hated him for that. He hated that Taehyung was so easy to be around. So easy to love. He hated how good he was for Jin because Jin didn't deserve that. He hated how much Taehyung cared.
He also hated the mere thought of Taehyung moving on — which was incredibly selfish, he knew that. He didn't want to commit but he also didn't want Taehyung to commit to anyone else. He also hated himself for that. Because he should want his friend to be happy. But Taehyung wasn't really his friend, was he?
It was when Taehyung actually wanted to move on that everything changed.
They were in the ‘we're not talking, I don't even know you’ stage of their relationship once again. But since their friend circles coexisted, they couldn't really act like fools as much as they wanted. Sometimes, the silent days lasted shorter than expected. This was one of those times.
They met up with the whole group in the evening for bowling. And usually it would be a little awkward between them, then they would start joking around, talking, acting like friends, and end the night in Taehyung's bed.
But not this time, because Taehyung didn't come alone.
Jin entered the bowling alley a little late because of the Friday traffic. He saw Hobi waving at him from one of the tables when he saw him. He started approaching them with a smile on his face, which faded the closer he got. He was a little confused when he saw an unknown face laughing at something Taehyung said. Taehyung looked in Jin's direction, his bright smile falling a little but still apparent. He waved to him, when others were also saying their greetings.
When he got closer he could get a better look at the boy next to him. He was objectively very attractive. Glowing skin, blond hair styled in soft waves, neat clothes, jewellery. Jin always tried to look his best when he knew he was meeting Taehyung — maybe subconsciously or maybe because he is a little attention-loving piece of shit — but now, he suddenly felt underdressed.
“And that handsome fella over there is Yejun, Taehyung's new friend.” Jimin said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Jin – Yejun, Yejun – Jin.” Jin just raised eyebrows slightly and nodded at him when Yejun waved, smiling.
Jin sat next to Hobi at the end of the table. Jungkook sat opposite of him, Yejun and Taehyung next to Jungkook, which made it impossible for Jin to ignore how close to each other they were sitting. But that's not his business.
But it certainly felt like his business.
Taehyung wasn't completely ignoring him, but he wasn't sparing him any attention that was not necessary. Which was probably worse.
Jin was watching him flirt with Yejun the whole night. Touching, giggling, looking at each other prolongingly. And he was mad.
Mad for nothing, because Taehyung wasn't his boyfriend. He made that clear to everyone, including Taehyung and himself. But fuck, that shit stung.
He knew Taehyung was aware of Jin sleeping around. The argument they had after Taehyung saw a hickey that wasn't his doing for the first time — and the angry possessive sex he got after — weren't something he would ever forget. But Jin wasn't sure if Taehyung was seeing anyone since they started their… thing. Jin told him that night that he was free to do whatever he wants, but Taehyung never confirmed he did anything with anyone. It's not like Jin told him, so he wasn't expecting that in return. But Jin never caught him. Maybe he was just more careful.
Now, however, there was no confirmation needed, as the living proof sat in front of him.
It was when Namjoon finally arrived — after his shift ended later than he expected — and they started bowling that Jin almost lost it. Because that little blond prick clearly acted like he couldn't play when he 100% could. Which Jin thought was odd — Taehyung entertaining that type of flirting — because he loved capable and competitive people. Jin knew him. But maybe he liked the boy so much he was ready to change his priorities. Which was even worse.
He would consider himself as someone who hid his emotions pretty well, but when he saw Taehyung grabbing Yejun's waist and guiding him through the mechanics of a good throw by whispering things to his ear, he wanted to break the beer glass he was holding. He wasn't sure if he wanted to crash it on the stranger's head, Taehyung's or his own.
He looked away with disgust and was met with Jungkook looking at him instead, one eyebrow raised.
“What?” He said, maybe a little harsh.
“I haven't said anything.”
“You're looking at me weird.”
“Because you look like someone just shoved a plate full of shit under your nose.”
Jin grimaced and his face muscles told him that he was already doing that. That's probably a perfect description of how he looked since that's exactly how he felt.
“Well, not far from that.” He murmured and took a sip of his beer. Jungkook looked to the right, checking if Taehyung was standing with his back turned in their direction. Then to the left, where Yoongi and Jimin were playing air hockey. They were fully immersed in themselves but Jungkook still moved forward, leaning on the table to shorten the distance between him and Jin. He was looking at him without saying anything. Jin raised his eyebrows and shook his head slightly, waiting.
“Just talk to him.”
“To who?” Another sip of beer. Jungkook rolled his eyes.
“Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“So stubborn.”
“Stubborn? I don't know what you’re talking about.”
Jungkook took a deep breath.
“Okay, first of all, I know you long enough to know that you're stubborn in everything you do, so shut up.” Jin's mouth fell open, but Jungkook continued. “He's also stubborn, which doesn't help. And he's been a lovesick loser for so long that if I'll have to deal with his whining about you any longer, I might lose it. Like, I might kill one of you to get it over with.”
“What are you…”
“Don't insult me. I would know you guys fuck even if he hadn't told me. You both are actually insufferable.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, rubbing it slowly, frustration flickering across his face. “That's why you need to talk to him.” He looked up at Jin again. “You're as helpless as he is. I'm not blind. You love him and you're so jealous right now that the way you look at Yejun is actually a little scary to me.” He pointed at Jin and then looked in Taehyung's direction, to check if he was still unaware of their conversation.
Jin just looked at him agape. He liked Jungkook, but their conversations were usually based on jokes and bickering. It was the first time he talked to him like that, so Jin was a little taken aback. He glanced at Taehyung and his new friend and cleared his throat.
“Well, he looks quite content right now, so I don't think I'll be talking to him about anything you just said to me.”
“Please, don't be stupid. You're wasting time you could spend being happy with him. What's stopping you?”
“I–” Jin wasn't sure how to respond. “He seems to be moving on anyway, so there's no point–” Jungkook took his own face in his hands and grawled in frustration.
“Stubborn as fuck.” He looked at him, almost angry. “I like you, man, but you really act like an idiot. You're hurting him and yourself. And for what?” Jin bit his lip and looked down. “Yejun is cool and all but I've known that dipshit over there for half my life and that guy isn't his type. It's clearly a distraction. It's their first date or something, and he wouldn't act like he does if he wasn't doing it just to make you jealous. I don't think he'll be happy if it isn't you and you–”
But he wasn't able to finish because the headliners of their conversation were back at the table, taking their spots.
“Your turn, Kookie!” Hobi called out — him and Namjoon stayed near the tracks, commenting on everyone's efforts, as their names secured the top of the leaderboard.
“Coming!” He stood up and looked at Jin again. He mouthed a silent ‘don't be stupid’ and with that, he walked away.
Jin looked at his beer for a moment, deep in thought. So was Taehyung really doing this to make him jealous? Because, well — it's working. Jin was a complete hypocrite but he knew that about himself. He wasn't proud of it. But he did what he did and now he needed to suffer the consequences. It was only fair.
However, Jin still needed to try and do something because even though he wished Taehyung moved on, he would rip his own hair out if he didn't see for himself if that's really what's happening.
So, when it was his turn to take a shot, he acted fast. And stupid, probably, but if that's what Taehyung wanted — so be it.
“Ugh. Something must be wrong with those balls.” He pretended to take a good look at a green one he was holding, after his previous unsuccessful shot. “It's impossible I can't even touch those pins. Stop laughing Jimin!” He pointed at the blond with a warning finger. “This is really embarrassing for me.” He growled in frustration and looked around. Jin didn't really get embarrassed in situations like that, even though he probably should, when he saw how his old friends were looking at him after the next sentence that came out of his mouth.
“Could you maybe help me a little, Taehyung? Since you're a pro, you know.” He looked at Taehyung, chin low, eyes big. He bit his lower lip and nibbled on it, keeping eye contact. Taehyung stopped mid sentence — whatever he was saying — and looked at Jin, mouth opened a little, dumbfounded. He wasn't expecting to be called.
“Go show him, champ.” Jungkook chipped in, tapping his shoulder and pushing him a little. An associate in crime. In the corner of his eye he saw Namjoon and Hobi exchanging glances but they stayed silent. Thank God. Because in contrast with his new friends who had never seen him play, Namjoon, Hobi and Yoongi could end his little performance with less than a sentence. They didn't but he was sure he would not hear the end of it, from tomorrow until forever.
Taehyung looked at Jungkook, a little betrayed, and sighed. “Sure.” He mumbled standing up. Jin smiled, walking a little backward to get closer to the track, his eyes not leaving Taehyung's frame until he stood in front of him. Jin turned towards the tracks.
“How should I hold the ball? Like that or…” He said, grabbing the ball from different angles. Taehyung knitted his eyebrows. He reached for his hands and placed Jin's fingers on the ball in the right way, not saying anything.
“Oh, of course, I'm a dummy.” He batted his eyelashes and turned to have his back fully to Taehyung. “And how should I do it?” He took a step back, his back now touching Taehyung's chest. “Is it better to do it hard or…”
“What are you doing?” Taehyung cut him off, speaking quietly near Jin's ear. Jin could feel he was tense all over.
“I'm bowling. And you're teaching me how to be good. ” He turned his head, side eyeing the man as he licked his lips. Taehyung's eyes followed the movement of Jin's tongue subconsciously. “At bowling. Right?” He added to the sentence and smiled innocently.
Taehyung looked up. He said nothing. Then he glanced over his shoulder at the table and back at Jin. He moved a little back. The warmth of his chest disappearing from Jin's back. Jin didn't like that. He should be pressed there. Willingly.
“Keep your elbow as straight as possible. Think of it as pushing rather than throwing.” He said after clearing his throat and put his hands into his pants' front pockets, keeping his distance.
So, he's not going to lead his movements like he did with Yejun. This battle was lost. Jin needed to do better.
Jin looked at him, defeated, and with a small sigh he turned to the track, positioned himself and threw the ball. Strike. Jungkook clapped in the background — he really wanted that peace, Jin thought.
Taehyung looked at him when he turned around. “Well, I'm not needed here, then. You're a pro now.” He gave him a flat smile and walked back to the table, taking his spot. Hobi was laughing and Jin gave him a middle finger before coming back to the table himself. Jungkook raised his eyebrows at him but Jin just waved him off, slacking in his seat.
He observed everything happening at the table, but mostly he kept his eyes on the cause of his distress.
With every passing minute and every touch exchanged between Taehyung and Yejun, he felt his blood getting hotter. Jin tried to remember if Taehyung was ever this affectionate with him. Maybe he was, but Jin tried to ignore it. Or maybe he wasn't, because Jin didn't let him. The only thing Jin was certain of was that if he had to look at them any longer he would jump across the table and strangle them both.
“I'm going to the bathroom, be right back.” Taehyung said and stood up. Jin watched him walk away.
It was his chance.
“And I'm going to buy myself another drink.” He said, standing up, and walked in the bar's direction, but he changed the trajectory, after he looked behind his shoulder, checking if his friends were looking. They weren't, so he quickly found himself in front of the bathroom door.
He fixed his hair and grabbed the handle. Taehyung was washing his hands when Jin walked in. He didn't look in his direction, so Jin just walked up to him. Taehyung didn't get a chance to dry off his hands because Jin grabbed his forearm and tugged him back, pulling him away from the sink.
“What…” The confusion painted on Taehyung's face, when he finally looked at him, got Jin the upper hand. Before Taehyung had a chance to react, Jin pushed him into one of the stalls and closed the door after stepping in himself.
“What the fuck, Jin?” He said, confusion morphing into anger, as he tried to reach for the lock, but Jin pushed him back, pressing his back into the wall. Jin didn't say anything, he just looked at him, full of determination. He licked his lips and reached down to Taehyung's belt and started undoing it.
“Jin, stop it.” He reached to grab Jin's wrists, but his belt was already open and Jin was dropping down to his knees, looking up at him through his eyelashes, mouth open. Taehyung looked at him, his chest started rising and falling faster. “Oh, god, I hate you. ” He said and let go of Jin's wrists. Jin smiled mischievously, unzipped his jeans and lowered them to his knees, together with underwear. He grabbed the base of his slowly hardening dick and started stroking it, not breaking eye contact. He needed to be in the center of Taehyung’s attention or else he would die.
He licked the whole length, from the base up, put the tip into his mouth and sucked. Taehyung whined and grabbed a fistful of his hair, he tugged at them, eagering Jin to start moving. Jin started bobbing his head, putting more and more of Taehyung's cock into his mouth, tongue pressing down on it from below.
Taehyung was gasping, guiding his movement by pushing his head, fingers tangled in his hair. Jin was giving his all, already feeling a slight burn in his cheeks’ muscles.
Taehyung’s hips started to move slightly with Jin's movements, and Jin knew he was getting close, so he grabbed his thighs with both hands and let Taehyung fuck his mouth however he pleased. It wasn't long after when he felt warm liquid spill onto the back of his tongue. He closed his eyes and swallowed, then backed away, taking his dick out with a pop and stood up, wiping his mouth.
Taehyung looked at him — mouth open, eyes dark, cheeks pink. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but when Taehyung leaned forward to do so, he leaned back.
“We need to go back.”
“But Jinnie…” He reached for his waist, but Jin shook his head and reached down to pull up his trousers.
“No.” He did his zipper up and turned to open the door’s lock. Taehyung sighed, his head falling backwards and hitting the wall with a thud.
“I hate you.” He said and pushed himself off the wall when Jin left the stall, and buckled his belt while following after him.
Jin stopped, looking at the bathroom’s entrance, where he was met with angry eyes framed by a mop of blonde hair. He just smiled innocently and wiped his mouth slowly. Taehyung looked at Yejun and stilled. There wasn't anything left for imagination — Jin's ruffled hair, Taehyung's pink cheeks, him doing up his belt — the scene spoke for itself.
Yejun just shook his head and stormed out of the bathroom. Taehyung looked at Jin and sighed, then quickly left the bathroom. Jin fixed his hair in the mirror and left, to finally get himself that drink.
When he returned to their table, everyone stared at him but he just shrugged. “Crazy lines they have here.” He only saw Jungkook hold in his laughter, cheeks full of air, before they returned to the convention they were having. Jimin said that Taehyung texted him that Yejun wasn't feeling well and that they won't be returning.
And Jin didn't know what to think about that. Was Jungkook wrong when he said he only brought him to make Jin jealous? Did Taehyung really run after Yejun because he started liking him tonight and tried to explain what happened in that bathroom somehow?
Jin lost his fighting spirit and didn't even finish his drink, when he said he was tired and would end his night sooner. He apologised and said his goodbyes, then left the building and ordered an Uber.
The app said he'll have to wait for 10 minutes, so he sat down on the sidewalk's curb. He felt someone walk up and sit next to him. It was Yoongi. They sat for a moment in silence.
“I talked to Jungkook.” Jin rolled his eyes. And he called Jin stubborn.
“And what did Jungkook tell you?” He asked, looking ahead of him.
“Nothing I didn't already know.” Jin felt holes being burnt into the side of his head so he finally looked at him. “I think it's time you gave yourself a free pass at happiness.”
Jin just blinked at him. Yoongi was the most important person in his life. He literally saved his life after his break up. And in many other situations. And he knew Jin better than Jin did, he was almost sure about it. But he never pressured him nor pushed his opinions onto Jin — he let Jin do whatever he wanted, offering him comfort of always being there for him. Jin appreciated that.
“I'm scared, Yoongi.” He answered honestly and Yoongi smiled.
“I know. But aren't we all?” He looked ahead. “Nothing good comes without the possibility of pain. The uncertainty will always be there.”
“Yes, but you know I–”
“I know. You have gone through something that makes it harder for you. I get it. I really do. But I want you to be happy. And you won't be happy if you don't risk it.” Jin's eyes were glued to his profile. He knew he was right. “You know I'm right.” He looked at Jin again. “And I know he would make you happy. He's a good guy, Jin. Jimin's been friends with him since they were like 10. He has a clean record. He's very protective. And he loves deeply. Just like you.”
Jin nibbled on his lip. He didn't know what he could say. Yoongi knew everything that was happening in his head, anyway.
Yoongi slapped his knees and stood up. “Give him a chance.”
“I ordered an Uber.” Jin said, changing the topic.
“Great. Text me when you're home.”
Jin furrowed his brows. “You're not going with me?”
“I'm staying with Jimin tonight.”
“Oh, okay.” Jin looked at him for a moment, a little confused. He never stayed at Jimin's on Fridays because his flatmates are very peculiar about cleaning and Saturday morning was always the time of doing that. But maybe they have different plans for tomorrow. “Have fun.”
Yoongi smiled at him and leaned down to squeeze his shoulder. “Things will sort themselves out, I'm telling you. Just try to get out of your comfort zone.”
“I can't promise you anything.”
“I know. I don't need you to. Just try.” He gave him a wave and turned to go back inside. Jin sighed. He wished he could just push himself to do that.
The Uber ride home went by in a blur. Jin kept replaying Yoongi’s words and everything else that had happened that night. He left the car and entered the building. He walked up the stairs slowly, still deep in thought. And when he reached his floor and turned the corner, he saw someone leaning on the wall next to his flat’s door.
Of course. Yoongi wouldn't be staying at Jimin's on Friday without a reason. Him and Jungkook must have been plotting. He was sure about that.
Jin sighed, coming closer. Taehyung was watching him.
“Don’t expect me to apologise. I'm not sorry for ruining your date. You seemed to enjoy it, anyway.”
Taehyung didn't respond. He waited until Jin unlocked and opened the door, and he quickly pushed Jin inside, turning him around and kissing him.
“I don't care about my date. You didn't let me kiss you before.” He murmured and connected their lips again. Jin smiled against his lips, letting Taehyung steer him toward the bedroom. They quickly got rid of their shoes. Taehyung pushed him down onto the bed and climbed over him, lowering himself and trailing kisses down the side of his neck.
“Don't do that ever again.” Jin said, pulling slightly on Taehyung's hair, enjoying the hot and eager mouth on his neck.
“Don't do what?"
“Don't do that with other people.” Jin looked at Taehyung who now raised his head, hovering above him. “What you were doing with Yejun today.”
“So you can fuck around as much as you want to but when I do it it's suddenly a problem? That's not very–”
“I won't do it anymore.” He interrupted Taehyung, who furrowed his brows at him.
“Yeah, right.” He snorted.
“I only want you.” His voice came out quiet and weak and he needed to look away because he couldn't bear how Taehyung was looking at him, intense but unsure. He grabbed Jin's chin and made him look at him again. “I was seeing other people just because I couldn't think about anything other than you and that scares me.” He continued. He bit his lip harshly, thinking about his next words. “I'm really scared by the thought of loving you.” He whispered. He wished his voice was gone completely.
Taehyung watched him closely. His eyes got soft when he sighed.
“You know I'm not like your ex boyfriend, right?” Jin grimaced just at the mention of him. “I will never be like him. I could never cheat on you.”
“Well, he said that too.” Jin murmured, gently pushing Taehyung aside so he could sit up. He shuffled backward until his back pressed against the bedframe, then drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them in a self-protective hug. Taehyung sat up as well, turning to face him. He inched closer, wanting to be at arm's reach, but not to close — to give Jin space, which he clearly needed.
“I told you I've been cheated on. But I've never told you any details.” He glanced at Taehyung, who leaned to the side, supporting his weight on one arm, listening to Jin with concern on his face but with full attention. Jin sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “It wasn't a one time occurrence. And he actually wasn't my boyfriend. He was my fiancé.” He glanced at Taehyung, his mouth fell slightly open. “And he was cheating on me for almost two years, constantly.” Jin felt tears gathering in his eyes. He laughed, it was ridiculous. “Two years out of four we've been together. You hear how crazy that sounds? For two years I'd been being toyed with and I've never suspected anything. I was so fucking stupid I'm still angry at myself.”
Jin squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to cry, but the tears spilled anyway. He hated being vulnerable.
He let a hand rest on his knee. “I'm so sorry, Jinnie. I– I can't even imagine how it must have felt.”
“When I found out I went through his phone. He slept with someone the day before and the day after he proposed to me. And it made me feel like a scrap of shit stuck to someone's shoe sole.” He wiped his eyes with his shirt’s sleeve. “And when I asked him why he even asked me to marry him, he said that he loved me but I wasn't interesting enough to keep his attention for longer so he fucked other people to remember why he wanted to be with me.” Jin put his face in his hands. He felt the mattress sink under Taehyung’s weight, followed by arms pulling him into an embrace.
“He was deranged. You didn't deserve that. I hate that he made you feel like that.” Jin scooted closer to him and let his face press into Taehyung's chest. “You're the coolest person I've met. You're beautiful but you're so much more than your body. You're funny, you're smart, you're kind, you're hardworking. You love your friends completely and I notice it whenever I see you guys interact. I'm really sorry he shattered your idea of love.”
Jin sniffed and clutched Taehyung closer. “I'm sorry it affects you. I know you want to be with me. I know you are a great person. I want to be with you too, but I don't know if I can fully trust you and I hate this feeling so much.” He cried out. Taehyung ran his hand along his back, trying to soothe him.
“I didn't know how deep that cut was. I'm sorry I pushed you.”
“No, don't be sorry. I've treated you absolutely horrible. I don't deserve how kind you are.”
“You actually deserve so much more, Jin.” He whispered into his hair and kissed his head. “Yeah, maybe it sucked to know you’re seeing other people. But I knew what I was getting into. It was my own decision. You didn't have the opportunity to choose. You didn't know.”
They sat in silence after that, embracing each other, until Jin finally calmed down.
“But I want to try.” Jin said quietly.
“What?”
He cleared his throat and raised his head, so that he could see Taehyung's face. “I want to try. I want to work on myself, with you. I want to learn to trust you. I want to let myself love you.”
Taehyung’s lips twitched before he gave him a soft smile. His eyes were glossy. He reached out toward Jin's face and brushed his fingers across Jin’s cheek before cupping it softly. Jin melted into the touch, allowing his head to rest in his palm.
“I love you, Jinnie. I truly do. And I'll do everything in my power to make you believe that. I promise.”
A couple more tears rolled down Jin's face. He rested his hand on Taehyung’s neck and kissed him. The kiss was sweet and salty, tears mixing with warmth and love.
He could almost feel the stone-like shell around his heart begin to break. He felt like he was finally ready — ready for a new beginning.