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Eddie halts as his navigation system tells him that he has arrived at his destination, pulling up his hand brake, and looks around for his possible rider. He checks the little candy tray he has set out for passengers and puts some more out in it when he notices a tall, burly guy approaching his car.
The man has a lot of stuff with him including a backpack and a square box which looks like it might be holding a cake and seems to be looking at his phone and checking Eddie’s license plate. Eddie opens the back door from his seat as the man approaches, smiling a friendly smile, and asks, “Uber for Devon?”
The man ducks and shuffles inside, putting the box which in fact has cake in it, while unslinging his backpack from the one shoulder it was on and replies, “yup! That would be me.” He looks up and stills for a second when he sees Eddie, his eyes widening as he settles back in his seat. Eddie looks on, slightly confused by the reaction and waits a beat before saying, “the pin?”
That seems to break the man, Devon, out of his little stupor with a muttered right and he looks around for his phone while Eddie turns back to the wheel. He reads out the pin and Eddie starts his ride, a longer one which he had accepted for the guaranteed extra money.
Eddie usually didn’t accept long rides, this one being two and a half hours to the drop-off, especially since Chris has moved back from his parents house. But for the past couple of days, Chris had been hinting towards missing LA. Eddie had sat him down and asked him to talk to him, something they had been doing was establish clear communication, and Chris had admitted that he missed living in LA. He missed his friends, he missed the fire house, he missed his Buck. And Eddie had felt the same ache, of missing his friends, the firehouse, and of missing Buck.
So, it had set in motion a plan. The first thing on the list was to save as much money as he can since El Paso was much cheaper and his credit score was much lower. Second on the list is looking for a tenant for his place, which he hadn’t really gotten to aside from a couple people showing up for property viewing, since he was still on the first step and that included working some odd hours when the ride fare is often higher. He had talked to an old friend who was a realtor, Maria, and she had said that she’d look for possible candidates for renting or buying. Eddie had been so happy, he could have kissed her if he hadn’t known she packed a swift kick from their ballroom dancing days. The third and the last thing, and maybe this list isn’t as thought out as it should be, was to somehow look for a place for them in LA. He hadn’t had the time for that, going on websites whenever he had free time but finding no place like the one he had before, which now belongs to Buck. In all of this, he requires money that he doesn’t quite have right now. Which brings him to accepting a two and a half hour, one way trip, going to the outskirts of the city while Chris is at school.
The shrill of a ringtone brings Eddie back to the present, thirty minutes into the ride, and he looks in the back mirror to see Devon fumble with his phone, accepting the call and placing it beside him on the seat, while he rummages in his backpack.
“Bucky, are you on your way?” A woman’s voice says on the other end of the call and Eddie sits up straighter at the name.
“Yeah, Mads. It will take a little while but I’m on the road and I will be there before the party.”
“And you’ve got the cake? Streamers? You shouldn’t have to plan this entire thing on your own! I’m so sorry, Bucky,” her voice sounds watery and Eddie feels like he shouldn’t be listening over the conversation but he can’t not hear it when this is all being said in his car, on speakerphone.
“H-hey! No crying, Madeline. I volunteered to do everything. I know how hard this pregnancy has been on you and Henry. I just wanted to do a little something for my baby niece,” there is a short pause, where he stops putting little mementos in gift bags, before he continues, “o-or nephew! my baby niece or nephew!”
A sob sounds on the other end and Eddie sees Devon’s expression crumble in the back mirror. He slumps his head on the headrest and puts his hand on his forehead, mumbling curses under his breath.
“We’re having a girl?” Madeline whispers and Eddie doesn’t know what the woman looks like and sounds like usually but he knows that he hears a watery smile and hope in her voice.
Devon, or Bucky, doesn’t say anything for a second but then breathes out to reply, “you’ll know in less than three hours, Mads. I’ve got everything and my Uber driver is driving as fast as he can. I’ll be there before you know it.”
“Okay,” she says softly, but then with more resolve, “okay, yeah. I’ll see you Bucky and we’ll celebrate together. Yeah. I love you, bye.”
“Bye Mads. I love you, too. I’m gonna be there so fast just you see.” There is a laugh on the other end before the call ends and Eddie sees him slump forward, backpack still in lap.
Eddie hesitates for a moment, remembering the tip of not talking with passengers, but this guy seems like he could do with some talking. So, he asks with a twinge of concern, “hey man, are you okay?”
Devon looks up surprised, his expression so reminiscent of the way Buck looks when caught off guard, that Eddie does a double take. Aside from his height and build, he doesn’t have much in common with Buck. His eyes are hazel, his hair auburn. He has a prominent yet small scar above his eyebrow and freckles across his nose. He looks nothing like Buck.
“Y-yeah! All good! I just-“ he huffs, shaking his head slightly, “I’ve been hiding the sex of my sister’s child for over two weeks now and I just had to slip up three hours before their sex-reveal party.”
“Hey, I might not know your sister but I know a little about having kids and your little slip up about the baby? It has only made her happy, okay?” Eddie meets his eyes in the mirror, raising his brows with a smile. Devon closes his eyes and nods, accepting the assurance for what it is.
Devon suddenly sits up straight before continuing with preparing the mementos and muttering, “I really should have done this yesterday. Maybe baking that cake from scratch was a little stupid of me.”
“You baked that on your own?” Eddie asks, a little curious.
“Mmhm. Gotten into baking a lot recently. It’s a good stress buster and my sister likes most of what I bake. Especially the banana bread. Did you know bananas are radioactive? It would take 50,000,000 bananas to cause a lethal dose though.” He stops abruptly, before apologising, “sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble.”
Eddie smiles before saying, “no problem at all.” He asks, his eyes still on the road, “do you want me to put some music on?”
“No!” He looks embarrassed with his immediate refusal but continues at a lower decibel, “n-not on my account. If you, uh, if you don’t mind, can we talk? I work faster and better while my mouth is moving.” When Eddie glances at the back mirror, there is colour in his cheeks and his freckles stand starkly against it. Like Buck’s birthmark, his brain supplies.
“Uh, sure. What would you like to talk about?”
“Anything. Whatever comes to your mind.”
Before Eddie can stop himself, he asks a single question, “Bucky?”
Devon looks up abruptly, the colour in his cheeks darken before he grabs the hair behind his head sheepishly and chuckles.
“Yeah. My surname is Buchanan and I was a big Captain America fan as a kid. When I had found out about Bucky, you know, his side kick, I had adamantly insisted on being called Bucky. Only my sister and a couple childhood friends call me that now. I know it’s childish but I do not go around insisting to be called Bucky now.”
“No, not childish at all. My best friend goes by the name Buck. His surname is Buckley. Apparently there were three Evans at the fire academy so he picked up Buck.”
“And you? Do you go by Edmundo?” Eddie is surprised that he remembers his name, since it’s only listed in the app and usually people don’t remember their Uber driver’s name.
“Uh, no. I go by Eddie. I was named after my grandfather, so Edmundo felt more like his name than mine.”
“Well, both names suit you. Are you from around here?”
“Well, yes, I was born in America,” Eddie glances at Devon only to find him with a panicked look on his face, hands paused where they were sticking something on the little gift bags. “I was kidding! Sorry, I know it wasn’t very funny. I know you aren’t racist. I don’t know what got over me.”
“To answer your question, yes, I’m from El Paso. Though I had been living in Los Angeles for the past, uh, 7-8 years? Yeah, close to about that long.”
“What brought you back?” Devon asks, resuming with the task at hand. Eddie tries to avoid a pot hole.
“My son.” He doesn’t know why he says it, after that girl had told him how to earn a good tip, he had drilled it into his head to not hand out information to strangers, especially if it’s about Christopher and him leaving. He glances at the photo by his steering wheel and feels a slight pang of happiness, reminded how coming back to El Paso had worked out for them.
“That’s him? Cute kid! I love children. I’m a teacher myself. Don’t have any of my own since I haven’t found the right person to have ‘em with yet, you know. Uh, you don’t have to answer, but, what about his mom?” Eddie sees him hesitate and it is a prodding question but he has found talking to strangers that you might never meet again is easier than he had thought before.
“She passed away a while back. That’s part of the reason why we’re back in El Paso, but I’d rather not get into the details.” His heart still hurts at the thought of Shannon, the want for closure that had led them here. A corner of his heart will always belong to her. “If everything goes well in these couple weeks, we might go back to LA.” He turns on his blinker before asking, “What about you? Are you from around here?”
“Oh, I’ve been all over. I recently moved here to be closer to my sister. She’s like my only family since our parents didn’t handle me being gay very well.” Devon looks up at that, as if looking for something in Eddie’s expression. Eddie catches his eyes in the mirror before giving a sympathetic look. He had heard about Josh’s Pre-Glee/Post-Glee speech from Buck and had internalized some of it to understand what many queer folks go through.
“I’m sorry to hear that. It sucks that people still hold onto such prejudices. I can’t imagine doing that to my own child,” Devon nods a little dejectedly at that, and mumbles a thank you before focusing again on a bag he pulls out of his backpack.
“What did you do in LA. Were you in the fire academy with Buck?”
“Oh, no. I mean yes. I was at the fire academy. Buck joined a couple years before I did. We were partners at our firehouse. Before that I served two tours in the army as a medic.”
“Army? No way! I was a Navy Seal candidate but figured it wasn’t really for me. Worked as a bartender in the Bahamas for a while after that stint.”
Just like Buck. A voice supplies (suspiciously sounding like Shannon). And somehow the similarities between the two is much more than he had realised.
They are now seventy five minutes into the ride, and Devon has gotten a balloon pump out of his backpack and is checking if it works all right. Eddie wonders what all he has stored inside of that bag.
Devon is starting to blow a balloon with Boy or Girl? written on it in blue and pink script when he asks Eddie, his voice careful as if trying to hide something, “so, you got someone waiting at home?” And suddenly Eddie realises that he is interested, has been maybe the entire time, looking at Eddie beneath lowered lashes and bated breath, and bold if he is scoping out his Uber driver.
“I’m not-“ he starts but does not finish. Gay? Was that what he was about to say? He isn’t but he doesn’t know why it doesn’t feel like the right answer. Interested? He felt a flutter in his stomach that he doesn’t want to look too closely at but even from afar points towards a different answer. Ready? That’s more of it. He has been doing a hell of an introspection ever since that priest had called him out on not choosing happiness and there had been a corner in his mind that had been left untouched during all of it. But why is it now that a guy flirting with him has caused that corner to turn, when previously any guy flirting with him hadn’t had the same effect.
Come on, Eddie. You know why. A voice in his head, Mind-Shannon, prods at that with a stick. She had always been the smarter one between them. It’s where Christopher gets his intelligence. But he does feel as if he’s on the cusp of a realisation. Maybe a big one that will turn his world upside down.
“I’m not on the dating scene,” he finishes after a long, awkward pause. He merges on a highway, checking the rear view mirrors, and sees the expected time of arrival drop by about fifteen minutes. He doesn’t catch Devon’s expression, but he hears him exhaling before saying, “oh. Gotcha.”
They drive in silence for a little while, Eddie a little lost in his thoughts, desperate to understand what Mind-Shannon meant and terrified to find out.
“You might get a lot of people throwing themselves at you, especially when you were a firefighter,” Devon states more than he asks. Eddie huffs a laugh at that because objectively it’s true, many people flirt with him but not as many that flirt with Buck. Maybe he gives off a vibe that states him to be unapproachable, the scent of his baggage throwing people off. His impenetrable fortress, confining his soft heart and Chris. And Buck, Mind-Shannon supplies. What is your problem? Eddie thinks at Mind-Shannon.
“Not really. Mostly it’s Buck that is getting asked for his number,” he says, feeling a slight bitterness at the thought. So close. Mind-Shannon won’t leave him alone.
“Ah, this Buck must be really good looking if he is asked out more than you. Because from where I’m sitting, you’re the finest man I’ve seen in a hot minute, Eddie,” And he is definitely flirting now, outright, even when Eddie has given him no leg to stand on.
“Uh, yeah. He is a good looking man. But more than that he is a good man, you know. He cares deeply. Chris, my boy, loves him. Calls him his Buck. There is not one person I’ve ever met that he hasn’t charmed over. He’s a great cook too. One of the few things I miss most about LA.”
And this time when Mind-Shannon asks the food or the Cook? he hears himself think, the Cook.
There it is, Mind-Shannon says triumphantly.
It is at that moment he realises the capacity in which he had missed Buck. He missed him like a limb, his absence a phantom pain. He sometimes misses him like he misses Shannon, even when he is a call away. The 800 miles stretch between them and Eddie finds himself aching to be back in LA where Buck would say Eddie and he’d finally feel at home.
Holy fuck. He’s in love with Buck.
Was this why he felt attracted, or whatever this was, to Devon? Because he reminded him of Buck?
Attaboy! Mind-Shannon says and Eddie feels his world turn upside down.
“Uh, is it fine if I put some music on? We will-“ he looks at the navigation system, “reach by 11:23.”
Devon nods, giving him the out he wants desperately. He puts on a pop station and hears Devon hum along quietly. He doesn’t hear a word of the lyrics, spiralling over his new found revelation.
If he is in love with Buck, that means he isn’t straight. Since Buck is a man. A handsome, caring, loving man. Eddie feels his fingers twitch on the gear shift. Okay, he thinks, you can have this crash out once you have delivered your rider to his destination.
It’s hardly five minutes before the navigation system tells him that he has reached his destination. Devon gathers everything but Eddie stops him, getting out of the car, and helps take the balloon and the cake to the venue. It’s decorated beautifully already with a balloon arch, missing only some streamers and a cake. Devon thanks him profusely and pays him handsomely, enough that he has savings now, before he stops Eddie with a hand on his arm.
“Hey, I’m sorry, uh, but can I get your number?” He rushes out in one breath and Eddie is once again reminded of Buck. There is not one corner of his mind where he wouldn’t turn and stumble into thoughts of Buck.
He smiles apologetically and says, “sorry, I don’t give my number out while I’m working.” Which is a rule that Buck follows, not particularly him.
Devon smiles as well, nodding before saying, “understandable. It was nice meeting you, Eddie.”
“It was nice meeting you as well, Devon. Congratulate your sister for me, will you?” He walks backwards saying that, keeping his eyes on Devon, watching him nod, before turning and walking back towards his car.
He sits in his car and allows himself five minutes for the crash out, then finds himself calling Buck. He starts driving, watching the call ring.
He picks up on the second ring, smiling at Eddie from the phone screen. It’s his day off, marked on their shared calendar and god how had Eddie not realised?
“Hey Eds! What’s going on?”
Eddie feels the words sitting on his tongue, waiting to spring out from behind his teeth as soon as he opens his mouth.
He feels them shape into existence. There you are. I miss you. I love you. Seven years and he can’t keep holding it back a minute longer.
He had never felt this way with anyone. He had felt this a few degrees lighter for Shannon, in a different hue for Chris. But this was Buck. His Buck.
“Hey Buck. I miss you,” he holds the rest back, to his heart telling them fervently, not now, he deserves to hear it in person.
If not now, then when? Mind-Shannon says, reminding him of the unpredictability of life. How quickly it could slip away, and he has just gotten it.
His musings are interrupted by an incoming call from Maria. He looks at Buck’s face, feeling his hand twitch towards it.
“Hey Buck, can I call you in a minute? It’s Maria.”
“Oh! Definitely, take that call and let me know.” Buck hangs up and Eddie picks up the call.
“Eddie!” The excitement in Maria’s voice fills him with hope, “we’ve got a buyer! A couple that had been at the viewing last week. And it’s gonna go at a much better price since you’ve done so much home improvement! They are willing to buy it as soon as possible, they have to move quite suddenly with the move being in a week.”
Eddie feels all his dreams, newfound and old, within reach. He thanks Maria, agrees to go out to celebrate with her, asks her to send him the details of the buyers and hangs up all within twenty seconds.
He’s dialling Buck back, his smile uncontainable and when Buck picks up, decked in his apron, Eddie sees that smile spread to his face.
“We could be home in a week!” He sees Buck throw his hands up and feels giddy like he has never before, warmth spreading from his cheeks to his chest in an all consuming fire.
It all halts for a moment, his giddiness and his car as he stops at a red light, when he is reminded of the third and final step in his plan.
He thinks out loud, as he often does with Buck, “I still have to look for a place in LA.” Buck scoffs as if that is ridiculous and Eddie looks at him before focusing back on the road.
“You’ll live here, obviously. I’ve been waiting for you and Chris. His room is still untouched aside from the regular cleaning. This is your house Eddie.” And Eddie feels the words fighting to be out, for Buck to hear.
“I love you, Buck.” It comes out so simply, a truth that can’t be refuted.
Buck smiles at him, his eyes softening before replying, “I love you, too, Eddie,” and Eddie realises maybe something got lost in translation.
It’s with urgency when he says, “Evan. I’m in love with you.” He pulls to the side because this conversation requires his full attention, he needs to see what Buck looks like, parse all his emotions.
Buck freezes, his eyes wide, mouth slightly open. Eddie wants to touch him so badly, even when he is pixelated due to poor connection.
“But, you are straight?” Buck asks and it’s fair, he had thought the same only a couple hours back.
“Uh, not so much. I might've sped through that realisation before I had gotten to this much more pressing realisation.”
“That you’re in love with me?” Buck sounds as if he’s trying not to be too loud, afraid to wake up.
“Yes, Buck,” and it sounds something much sweeter than his name, sugar sweet in Eddie’s mouth.
“Oh my god. Okay. Yeah. I-I love you too. Eddie, h-how long?” Buck asks, voice still low and dreamy.
“How long have I known or how long have I loved you?” Buck simply nods, asking for an answer to both.
“I haven’t known for long, hardly an hour honestly, but I’ve loved you for so long, maybe the moment you told me I could have your back.” Eddie realises that it is true, the love might’ve been a little different from what it is now, but it had been there.
Wow, today has been full of revelations, Mind-Shannon snarks and Eddie feels giddy even through that.
Buck laughs, shaking his head slightly, eyes crinkling at the corners, “wow, you work fast, Diaz,” he sounds so inexplicably fond that Eddie can’t help but reply, “only for you, Buckley.”
Buck ducks his head and smiles. He can’t seem to shake it. He looks up and asks, “one last question. What happened to make you realise?”
Eddie suddenly doesn’t know how to answer that. He asks a little hesitantly, “Could you answer me first on how you realised?”
And Buck, ever virtuous Buck, nods as if to say fair and continues, “when I was with Tommy, when all of it was new, everything I liked about him had something in common with you. He was in the military, he liked basketball, he liked muay thai. It was actually him-“ Buck’s eyes widened at that before he said with urgency, “okay, I’m going to tell you something that you are quickly going to forgive and forget because you love me.”
Eddie sits up straighter, his eyes narrowing, “what did you do Buckley?”
“I might’ve hooked up with Tommy the week you had first left for El Paso, now in hindsight, only because I was missing you. We almost got back together but he insinuated that he was happy that you were gone since he saw you as the ‘competition’, like who says that? I kicked him out, blocked his number and had a long chat with Maddie where she might’ve said that it wouldn’t be so crazy if I were in love with you. I denied that, hard, because you were straight before falling head first into the realisation that maybe the only reason I was with Tommy was because you weren’t an option,” he gasps in a breath and though Eddie has a moment to think hateful things for Tommy, he can’t be really mad at Buck.
“So what I’m hearing is that you realised you’re in love with me because your ex was too similar to me and your sister had to spell it out?”
“Yup! Sounds about right.” Eddie loves him so much.
“Funny story, actually. I realised I was in love with you because a rider who reminded me of you a little too much tried to flirt with me and I didn't quite mind it.”
Buck’s face falls a little, “he flirted with you?”
“Buck. All I could think of was you.” And they are such idiots that it took other people to see what’s right in front of them. “I will tell you all about it once we have had a proper reunion, in our home.”
Buck gains his smile back, saying wistfully “I wish you were here.”
“I’ll be there before you know it. My Uber driver is driving as fast as he can,” he winks at Buck who bursts out in a laugh.
Eddie feels happiness at his fingertips and he plans to hold onto it. As long as Buck will have him, forever if he has a say.