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  1. Don't Try These at Home by

    Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)  

    06 Sep 2025

    Tags
    Summary

    Lucifer had experienced a lot of good sex in his ten thousand years of life. A lot of bad sex, too.

    Somehow, despite having been around for so long and experimenting with – well, basically everything that had been invented – he'd never experienced so many things going wrong during sex.

    But Alastor was nothing if not unique.

    *

    Or: A series of vignettes showing just how many ways sex between Alastor and Lucifer can go wrong, from broken bones to black eyes and everything in between. Nobody ever said sex had to be sexy.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,300
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    466
    Bookmarks:
    118
    Hits:
    4,007