Chapter Text
"If you're mad at me, can we please fight later?"
You were too tired to deal with the fallout of fucking everything up with Sukuna.
He could call you whatever he wanted to call you later. Confess if he still cared enough to. Whatever was left to say, you'd bear it the best you could, just, um, another day.
One where you weren't still reeling with Suguru's words, weighed down by what he said and what it might mean.
"Are you fuckin' crying?" He grunted, grabbing your arm in his calloused hand, but you stepped back, pulling free from him as you slung your purse higher up on your shoulder and wiped your damp cheeks.
You weren't looking at him, but you heard the strangled sound from some deep part of him when he saw the ring on your finger.
"Jesus," he hissed, and you flinched back, loathing the slippery coils inside your core, deep discomfort you were desperate to escape.
"I really don't want to talk about it right now," you murmured, fingers trembling as you brushed past him, barely able to shove your key in the lock and push your door open.
"Well, I want to talk to you right now," Sukuna argued, following you in while you kicked off your shoes and slung your purse off on your couch.
You halfway wanted to hit him with it, even though you knew your anger was misplaced. You couldn't do anything with it except stuff it down to stop the simmering rage and wait for it to rot into depression.
Stuck in this infuriating cycle of just accepting whatever shit was thrown at you and scrounging for whatever gasps of freedom you could suck in, the only fresh air you'd receive when your family was waiting to shove your head back under the sand.
"I can't really care about what anyone else wants right now," you breathed, voice breaking as you continued towards your bedroom, unable to stop shaking as you started to reach for your zipper.
Sukuna touched your shoulder, making you stop without actually doing something, helping tug it down for you while you murmured a half-hearted thank you before stepping through the threshold and shutting the door before he could come in.
"Can you listen to me then?" He asked, and you wanted to say no. To tell him that he'd just need to find a new receptionist, that he didn't need to worry about you, that he should just act like you didn't exist.
Some fucked-up piece of you craving to toss a match and burn the bridge because you couldn't stand this awful in-between limbo of knowing he knew, that his perception of you had been permanently shattered and that he wouldn't see you the same again. That despite how much you did like him, all you were doing was dragging out the pain.
You hurt him. You hurt Suguru. You hurt your own fucking feelings by being dumb enough to think any of this was a good idea to start with.
It would've been so much easier if you'd just sucked it up and stayed alone.
At least, then you wouldn't be wrecked right now.
"Sukuna," you said his name, trying to find the courage to stop this here.
"I'm sorry for being such a dick earlier," he said, the door creaking like he was leaning his weight against it. "I shouldn't have said that shit when I don't know all the details."
Your mouth opened only to clamp back shut, breathing through your nose as he kept talking.
"I just felt like I finally fucking got you, and the idea of you being sold off to some asshole, it's just-" He growled, his voice cut off by a choking sound before he exhaled hard.
"I found out who it was," you murmured, not sure if you were trying to rub salt in the wound or self-sabotage. "I guess it's, like, official now."
He didn't say anything, a thick pause that you couldn't stop yourself from talking through.
"I don't know if you remember that white-haired guy that came in with Suguru, but-"
"Him?"
Hatred. Burning loathing that he didn't bother concealing or covering up. His voice loud, the sound of it lingering in your ears as you cringed, slipping off your dress and freezing at the first feeling of the cool air against your nipples before you walked over to your closet to grab the loosest hoodie you had.
"It could be worse," you softly replied. There were far worse men out there than him. Fates that were much crueler than the cushy one you were being promised.
How many times had you told yourself that you should be grateful? A few thousand? A million?
Repeating it until it cushioned the blow of being robbed of every choice.
"What do you need?" He grumbled as you shoved the hoodie over the head, his voice muffled through the wood. "A place to stay? A raise? Tell me and I'll-"
You stopped in the middle of pulling open a drawer and grabbing a pair of pajama pants out.
"You barely know me," you interrupted him. "I-"
"Stop acting like some sacrificial lamb when you don't have to be one," Sukuna scoffed. "I do know you, brat. How many hours have we spent together in the studio? You think I didn't watch you? That I don't care?"
"It's not-"
"Listen," he stopped you from arguing, your chest aching to contain your heart as you shut up. "I am not letting you marry that idiot."
Sukuna always acted like the world was black and white. That if he willed something hard enough, it would happen. Making his fate bend by brute force.
But you weren't like him, or Suguru, or even Satoru.
"Take a nap. Get some rest. I'll wait," he half-growled outside the door, and you couldn't reply. Your mouth felt too dry, throat stuffed with cotton as you listened to his footsteps echo down the hall. The slam of the front door shutting.
Would he wait?
You didn't know if you wanted him to.
But you crawled into bed anyway, buried your face under your pillow and shut your eyes as you scrambled to think of what to say to either men that had somehow crawled their way into your heart.
A dull ache settling into your heart, burying itself into your bones when you thought about Suguru, replayed your conversation in the car and wished that you had some other conclusion to come to. Snippets of the night you spent together floating back up, his face buried into your skin and his fingers roaming over your body, how he murmured your name like it was a promise he wanted to keep.
If you were being honest, you wanted it again. Wanted him again. Terrified to think he had been telling you the truth, scared that he'd actually see you for everything you were, all the good and bad, and then change his mind.
It was easy when you were able to convince yourself it was all fake.
But when it was real, raw, you wouldn't be able to shield yourself behind all the walls you'd been hastily shoving up.
And then there was Sukuna.
He made you forget. Let you act like you were someone else. Lie to yourself and try to fit into his life. Carve yourself a little niche in his world and cram yourself in there.
You liked him. Really liked him.
But you didn't know how much of it would matter - or where you would even stand with him in the future. What did he see you as?
A fling? A girlfriend? His employee that he also happened to be attracted to?
And what would he think when he got to know the rest of you that wasn't desperately struggling to be apart of his lifestyle? That would never fit nicely in?
You were surprised when you actually fell asleep somewhere between all the depressing thoughts, waking up to the sun still high outside.
Getting out of bed was hard, shuffling across the cold floor and rubbing your exhausted eyes as you walked out into a silent apartment. No Sukuna. No noises. You glanced at your purse, briefly considering checking your phone before you changed your mind.
You'd rather not know.
Instead, you went into your kitchen, pulling open the pantry to grab a couple cans of wet cat food before slipping on some shoes and deciding to check on the kittens.
At least they couldn't argue with you.
Wouldn't make you feel like shit even if they didn't mean to. Incapable of saying the wrong thing. Just offer cute meows and easy company.
Except, when you made it out to the woods, you weren't the only one out there.
Sukuna was sitting still, a kitten asleep in his lap while he pet its sibling, distracted you supposed, not noticing you until you accidentally stepped on a twig and the soft crack! of it breaking made him glance over his shoulder.
His tense face relaxed when he saw you standing there, shoulder slumping down as he tilted his head to the side like he wanted you to walk over.
"I guessed you'd come down here eventually," he grunted, mouth twitching as he talked. Like he didn't really know what to say to you anymore.
You swallowed hard, nervously approaching before you sat down next to him, careful not to get too close when you were already scared of making him more uncomfortable. You held out the two cans of wet food you'd brought down, offering him one to give to the kittens before starting to peel the lid to your own.
"Their mom hasn't shown up," he dryly said, and you just shrugged.
"I haven't seen her in a few days," you soberly muttered. The kittens still came when you called - but you were debating on just sneaking them back into your apartment if she didn't come back soon.
"Oh," he mumbled.
It was sorta impressive how awkward could be with a man you just had sex with yesterday. Who you woke up next to. That you let pierce one of the most intimate parts of your body.
But what else did you expect?
Everything came to an end.
"I'm supposed to go wedding dress shopping next week with Satoru's mother," you murmured, setting down the can and the discarded lid before pulling your knees to your chest. Staring off into the woods and pretending this was simply a casual conversation with a friend.
"You say his name like-"
"He's not bad," you defended him. "I mean, he was actually pretty understanding about everything. Said we could just keep seeing other people."
Sukuna made some disgusted sound of surprise, but you just shrugged, deciding against mentioning that Satoru had Suguru in mind when he said it.
"He said after a few years, once he has his dad's company, we could just get divorced and he'd-"
"Do you believe him?" Sukuna scoffed, as if you were spouting something insane.
"I trust him," you murmured, face flushing as you fiddled with your fingers. You had no reason not to. He was one of the few people that had never talked shit about you or laughed behind your back. Helped you out when he didn't have to.
If it was going to be anyone, you'd probably pick him.
He never expected anything out of you.
"So what? He won't care if I fuck you while you have his last name?"
You gaped at him, even though you knew you should've expected that. The kitten perked up off his lap, opening its mouth in a big yawn as it climbed off of him to start towards the open can just to get pawed back by the other one.
"I mean-"
"He won't care then if I do this?" He pressed, leaning in to cup your face, his nose brushing against yours as he shut his eyes to come in for a kiss. To claim you when he thought you belonged to someone else.
You kissed him back, out of habit, or maybe just to make some small part of yourself feel better.
But some tiny seed had been planted in your stomach, screaming at you that this might be a mistake too.
Because if you really didn't have any decisions to make, if you were meant to marry another man, how come it felt like you needed to choose between Suguru and Sukuna?