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1. how do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become? by rainny_days

   Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)  

   • Explicit
   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
   • M/M
   • Complete Work

   27 Dec 2025

   Tags

   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
   • Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
   • Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley
   • Maddie Buckley & Eddie Diaz
   • Evan "Buck" Buckley
   • Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
   • Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
   • Firehouse 118 Crew (9-1-1 TV)
   • Maddie Buckley
   • Emotional Hurt/Comfort
   • Angst with a Happy Ending
   • Non-Sexual Submission
   • Soft Dom Evan "Buck" Buckley
   • Sub Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
   • Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
   • Emotionally Repressed Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
   • Human Disaster Evan "Buck" Buckley
   • eddie emotionally jigsaw traps buck into non-sexually domming him
   • then gaslights himself into thinking that it's totally not because HE wants it
   • Freak4Freak Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
   • Other Additional Tags to Be Added
   • Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads
   • Bobby Nash Lives
   • Good Sibling Maddie Buckley
   • baby nash han therapy
   • eddies guilt about wanting joy vs buck's guilt about wanting eddie
   • The Buckley Siblings Have Bad Parents (9-1-1 TV)
   • Eddie Diaz Has Bad Parents (9-1-1 TV)
   • the inherent vulnerability of letting someone take care of you
   • the inherent vulnerability in being trusted to take care of somebody
   • Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane
   • some hints at CBT adjacent stuff
   • referenced dubcon but it's all in buck's brain
   • buck's insane relationship with his own sexuality
   • eddie's insane relationship with communication
   • Dacryphilia
   • Hand Jobs
   • Come Eating
   • sex that makes you say 'oh NO' out of concern
   • presidential alert the girls are fighting
   • Good Friend Maddie Buckley
   • Maddie honestly deserves a medal for not calling either of them a slur in this. suffering more than jesus
   • ok cracking my knuckles here we go
   • Minor Injuries
   • Panic Attacks
   • Dissociation
   • Restraints
   • Breathplay
   • Choking Kink
   • Subspace
   • when i say choking i mean this has more choking than i had anticipated oops
   • Sexual Overstimulation
   • not really petplay but like. a few allusions to it?
   • Anal Sex
   • Coming Untouched
   • Premature Ejaculation
   • a leetle humiliation kink
   • ok i think that's it
   • Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
   • top buck bottom eddie for this fic but still. this is important to me.
   • also a little of what can be interpreted as brat eddie
   • but I don't know that I would call this brat tamer buck. this is more brat4brat
   • Miscommunication
   • Hurt/Comfort

   Summary

   After the shitshow that’s been his life for the past few months, Eddie decides that the best way to move forward is to outsource his life decisions to Buck - after all, Buck has always known how to manage Eddie’s life better than Eddie could. And if it prevents Buck from moving out, then all the better.

   Buck is trying to find a new apartment before he gets too comfortable in the Diaz home, but Eddie keeps asking him for things he wants too much to say no to. All he wants is to not hurt anyone, but Eddie seems to be determined to make that impossible.

   (Or: the platonic BDSM fic.)

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   25,184

   Chapters:

   5/5

   Comments:

   144

   Kudos:

   654

   Bookmarks:

   152

   Hits:

   9,339