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Tony shifts and firmly tells himself that this is not a sexy situation. It's two days since the SGC woman was here and Loki had been curious about the Sentinel-safe hygiene stuff, so Tony had taken a shower to demonstrate, thoroughly cleaning himself with the scent-free, antiallergic soap. Which had somehow resulted in him lying on the bed with only a towel wrapped around his hips, and Loki kneeling above him, nosing along his skin in a way that is decidedly reminiscent of foreplay, if the teasing, relationship kind Tony didn't get to participate in too often.
Loki flicks his tongue out to lick across his collar bone and Tony gasps and decides that it's high time they talk about it. "So. Are we going to have sex at one point or…?"
This actually makes Loki pause, and nothing else Tony has said until this point has managed that; it's as if Loki had been in a trance. Granted, Tony didn't actually mean it when he protested, but he still did, a little, when Loki herded him to the bed like a freshly rescued damsel in distress or something. Tony really doesn't know what to think about that because something in him had been purring under the intense focus of his Sentinel, and he can't even say that it was purely the Guide part of him.
Sitting up, Loki puts a hand on Tony's collarbone and leans in a little. "I wish to know you in any way possible," he murmurs, voice low. "I wish to be in you in any way I am capable of, and I wish for you to be in me in all the ways possible as well. I wish to know what you look like when you are so filled with bliss you cannot think, nor speak coherently, nor move, and I wish to be the one that made it so. I wish to own you in any way you will let me, and be owned in return, and if that is not what you want I shall never speak of it again, but that is what I want."
Tony swallows, then swallows again. "No," he squeaks, "I'm on board with that, we can do that, yes."
Loki smiles, a smug little thing that might have annoyed Tony but after that little speech? He gets to be a little smug. "Good," he says, leaning in, and Tony thinks it's going to happen now and he's not sure – he wants it, sexually, god does he want it. Loki is hot damn sex on legs even as skinny as he is. But there is part of him that is needy and desperate for anything Loki in a not at all sexual way; information about him, be it about his past or his smell or the way he goes a little still when Tony puts a hand on his belly, the way his eyes slit like a cat's when Tony cards his fingers through his hair and then slides his hand down his neck and spine in one long, languid swipe. And just as much as he craves Loki, he needs Loki's attention. He's had it at least partially for the whole time since they met, he knows that and it calms him somewhat, but he's greedy, incredibly greedy, and just wants more, more, more. None of this is sexual though. He would have sex with Loki because it would bring him closer to his Sentinel, but he's not sure if that's the only reason.
In itself, that would not be much of a problem; Tony has had sex for a variety or reason other than wanting to have it and he didn't come out worse for it. But there is the part of him that's… apprehensive. Not scared, not quite, but… they are going to spend the rest of their lives with each other, in a way Tony has never really had with another person. He's never lived with somebody else, has never been so close to someone they needed to see each other every day, every night. Yes, he has had a ton of no-strings-attached sex and even relationships, but everyone, he himself included, is very aware of the fact that he's a Guide. And no matter how unlikely, nobody has ever been quite able to forget that his Sentinel might against all odds still show up, and that would be an automatic, complete end to any relationship he had until then. Even if he'd been married with children, not that Guides tend to do that. Most people know better than to get involved emotionally with a Guide, and if they do, the constant worry about that Sentinel always eventually becomes too much and brings an end to whatever relationship has been built. Besides, it's a common theory that Guides and Sentinels both cannot truly love another person as fully and completely as they'd love their mate. Who wants to compete with that?
And maybe it's true, but maybe it's all just instinct in the end, the chemicals muddling their brains, and that combined with the fact that there will never be someone who could possibly be as close as their mate… Tony just doesn't know if it's real or if it's just giving in and telling yourself that this is the best thing that could ever have happened to you because you're unable to face the fact that it's not and that there is nothing you can do about it.
He just… so maybe he is scared, maybe he is. Loki is for him, he knows that, it feels true in a way nothing else ever has (and that still astounds him, the clarity with which he knows that, especially when contrasted with all the other things he knew before and turned out wrong about), but they're in the early bonding phase right now, and it makes the honeymoon phase for mundane couples look rational and calm. All the things he feels about Loki right now, who knows if he will keep them? If they're even real? They don't even really know each other. Sure, they know stuff about each other, facts and parts of their past, no doubt censored and curtailed to a point, but Tony doesn't know… he doesn't know Loki. He doesn't know the way to touch him when he's angry so he'll calm down instead of feeling patronized, he doesn't know how Loki acts with people he trusts, whether he's a morning person or not and how Loki carries himself in public as opposed to in private, what he likes to do when it's storming outside, he doesn't… fuck, he doesn't know whether Loki prefers sweet or salty popcorn. And it will be a long time before they get there, because this is the kind of familiarity only time can bring.
It seems ridiculous because Tony has fucked his fair share of people whose names he barely remembered at the time, much less after, but this, this is different. It really is and so maybe he's scared, so maybe he's not fucking ready yet like ever cliché in the box, damn it all, but he's not going to- he's not going to-
But all Loki does is kiss him, on the lips, soft but not tentative, intent behind it but not that kind. His breath fans over Tony's face when he pulls back and says, "Never fear me." And then Loki rises, gets off the bed and leaves the room, leaves Tony flushed and confused, head whirling and feeling foolish and ridiculous most of all, but also relieved and disappointed both because of course this couldn't be uncomplicated, of course not.
"I'm not scared of you," Tony says, after he's gotten dressed and set off to find Loki in the living room, staring out of the window where the ocean stretches out endlessly. "I'm not scared," he repeats firmly when Loki says nothing, just turns around to look at him. "I just…" Helplessly waving his hand, he tries to find the words, and he hates this, hates talking about feelings, despite how often he's had to through countless rounds of Guide training. "This is huge, you know? There is no going back. We have no options. If we fuck it up, we'll have to live with that."
Loki looks at him for a moment, then nods. "I…" He crosses his arms. "Perhaps it is best we wait until we truly- know everything about each other."
The way he says it makes clear that he thinks that there is something about him that will make Tony change his mind – about what Tony can't really understand until he reminds himself that Loki didn't even know about Sentinels and Guides until less than a week ago. For Tony and the rest of humanity it's perfectly clear that Guide/Sentinel bondings are forever, there is no separating a mated pair, but Loki didn't grow up with that knowledge ingrained in his conscious. Maybe he's trying to take anything from Tony that Tony will allow, hoarding for a time where possibly Tony won't allow him such access to himself anymore. It would explain how clingy Loki has been, and that didn't seem strange to Tony until now but they really have spent the past couple of days doing barely anything but laze around together. Even when Tony was playing around on his tablet or showing Loki around the house again, Loki always stayed close to him, focused and attentive.
That… Tony doesn't want that. Maybe Loki isn't ready either, not really, and knowing this – the more Tony thinks about it the more true it feels to him – Tony wouldn't want to have sex with Loki even if he himself were ready. When they do it he wants it to be because they both want it, doesn't want it to be in the heat of bonding or as a means to an end, be it collecting memories or calming someone's haywire senses.
"Loki," Tony says, voice a little rough and a little too tender for comfort. He clears his throat. "You- yes. But you have to know I would never-" But it's not a comfort, whatever Tony could say right now; that he'd never leave Loki because he needs him too? Loki knows that, Tony has explained it more than once, how he is different from Loki and yet also different from mundane people, how they complement and complete each other because they were built that way. Tony doesn't want for Loki to think that that's the only reason Tony will stay with him, but he cannot promise anything else right now, as much as he wants to. He can't lie to Loki, not about this, not when it would be so obvious; it would only make things worse.
For a moment Loki looks at him but, when Tony doesn't continue that sentence, he nods and steps up to Tony. Reaching out, he starts to run his hands across Tony's face in a way that's less romantic touching and more scent marking, nevermind the fact that by this point (and all the half-naked touching and licking, there was naked licking) Tony probably smells more of Loki than himself. It's obvious, though, that this is a way for Loki to calm himself, reassure himself that Tony's… well, his, that he's there and that Loki gets to touch him whenever he wants, to mark and claim him. Assert his claim. If nothing else, this is Tony can definitely, freely give without restrictions; if he's honest with himself, squashing the human part of him that squawks with indignation down, he loves it. Being possessed that way, like he's precious and important and belongs.
And that. That's something Tony can promise. "I can't… look, there are a lot of things I want, but we barely know each other so there is no possible way to say whether we can get them or not. But there is something I can promise you, okay, and it's that you belong with me. And I with you. Deal?"
The touching falters briefly, then takes up again, hands sliding down to cup Tony's neck in a way that would make Tony uncomfortable if it were anyone else. "Yes," Loki says, thumb rubbing carefully across Tony's Adam's apple. His hands are warm and there is something hypnotic about them, but that doesn't mean Tony isn't in complete control of his faculties (as much as is possible during bonding, that is, there is a reason there are so many laws surrounding this) when he tilts his head to the side and bares his throat.
Breathing in sharply Loki goes still, gaze zooming in on where the pulse is beating underneath Tony's skin, and then he's leaning in and licks Tony, a broad sweep of his tongue from his collarbone up to his jaw. Tony gasps a little because while there has been licking here and there and while from the beginning, Loki has been consistently focused on his neck, it still feels different this time. It had been instinct before and it still is, but it also feels like there is more intent behind it now. They've let a bit of reality in and while it makes things less simple, it also makes them more honest, more real.
"I wish to go outside, and then I wish for you to tell me more about what this means," Loki says quietly, murmuring against Tony's skin.
"Whuh?" Tony makes because he's been a bit dazed, staring at the blue sky and blue ocean, one hand on Loki's shoulder and the other curled in his shirt above his belly while Loki nuzzled along his neck. He wonders if it's bonding hormones making him so placid; he's a lot less restless than he usually is too. Normally he would've gone crazy being cooped up inside for so long, with little to no stimulation.
"This," Loki repeats, pulling back enough to give Tony some breathing space, but not so much so that they have to let go of each other. "Us being bonded. What does it mean for other people?" He clarifies a little impatiently when Tony looks confused, because he's explained that more than once, more informed from personal experience every time.
"Ah." Tony gets it now, even if he doesn't know why Loki is asking specifically for that right now, when they won't have to deal with other people for a while yet. "So, outside first? Want me to come with?" It's just an offer, Tony honestly doesn't expect for Loki to agree; he's a Sentinel and a particularly possessive one at that (not that anyone could possibly fault him for that). So he's rather surprised when Loki hesitates, looks conflicted about it, making his way towards honestly shocked when Loki actually says "Yes."
"It is irrational," Loki tells him unhappily when he notices. "I will have to learn to handle this."
"Yeah, but nobody's going to expect you to be reasonable about this anytime soon," Tony replies a bit perturbed. "Seriously, that's basically what being a Sentinel is about: being unreasonable about their Guide."
"I am entirely unreasonable about you," Loki agrees, hand heavy in the small of his back and the needy, absolutely ridiculous part of Tony that takes anything from Loki that isn't super-creepy stalkerish behavior by normal standards as rejection relaxes at that. "But I will not be crippled by it. I do not…" he pauses, frustrated. "I do not let my instincts control me like this. The possibility of harm coming to you while outside in your own garden is low, so while I might be unreasonable, I do not have to behave as such too."
There are so many things Tony has to say to that, but if there is one thing he has learned about Loki it's how much he values control, and it's what has been taken from him far too much lately, most recently by Tony and their bonding. So he doesn't say any of them, just nods and lets go of Loki's shirt, smoothens out the wrinkles his fingers made in the cloth and maybe petting Loki's belly a little in the process. There is one thing he allows himself to say, though he says it gently. "Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"
And then, when they stand in the open door – well, Loki stands in it, physically barring Tony from going outside and appearing completely frozen, one step away from letting Tony out of the comforting safety of the house – he says something else, leaning his forehead against Loki's back, right between his shoulder blades. His heart is pounding in his chest and it takes everything for him to remain this calm, to not slam the door shut or retreat further into the house. "I'm entirely unreasonable about you too, you know. I just didn't get the opportunity yet to deploy my irrationality about you because it'll come out the most in the company of other people." He pauses, licks his lips, pictures it for a moment then stops because it's not helping at all. "You know, people who talk to you and who you pay attention to and who… look at you." Who take Loki's attention away from Tony. "Such a crime, I know, but the bonding phase is supposed to be irrational. Don't pressure yourself so much, okay?"
The tension in Loki's body abates somewhat, but not even halfway enough for Tony's taste, and he's not even hoping for anything approaching relaxed, not while the door is open. "Look," Tony says after another moment, because it's patently obvious how much Loki is pushing himself. It's not even been a week. If Loki knew more about bonding, he wouldn't expect so much from himself. "Let me tell you about bonding first, and then we can do this, okay? I don't even want to go outside right now, it's too hot, you're not going to make me, are you?"
Immediately Loki turns around, wraps one arm around Tony's waist as he crowds him backwards, closes the door with his foot. And, okay, that might have been a little manipulative but it's not like Tony lied and Loki clearly wasn't going to stop for himself.
For a moment they just stand like that, both of Tony's arms wrapped tightly around his Sentinel, one of Loki's arms around his waist, the other cradling Tony's head. There's a turmoil in Loki, Tony can't quite tell of what because he has absolutely no practice in this but it's not too hard to figure out. He resolves to learn, though, because it's glaringly obvious that he would be so much more helpful if he actually knew what he's doing. Not for the first time since meeting Loki he curses himself for not paying better attention in his most recent Guide trainings, for defiantly making himself forget as much as possible once he was sure he wouldn't be bonded.
"You know that I really misbehaved when I found you?"
Loki shakes his head, then pulls away a little to look at Tony. "Tell me about it."
Tony knows that Loki's memory isn't entirely clear after he was put in the cage; the thick glass cut off all of his senses, repressed as they were, and threw him completely for a loop, and Tony's appearance certainly didn't make this easier, at least not initially.
"Well." Not very subtly, Tony navigates them out of the hall into the living room onto the sofa, curling up in Loki's lap. "I saw the tape of what happened when you landed. No, let me start at the beginning – I heard about a mess that happened at SHIELD, right, there was this robot thing and Puente Antiguo last month, I knew about that, and I heard about you when they already had you in the cage. JARVIS tells me when stuff happens at SHIELD and anyway, I looked at what he had and saw you and it just… it really bothered me. I didn't realize at the time that it was about you, I thought it's just- I'm in a pissing contest with SHIELD, basically, or maybe just Fury, it's hard to tell most days, we're not exactly good friends. Anyways, I just had to get involved. I saw the footage and that they were assembling all these people – taking Banner out of India, I still don't really understand that, it makes no sense – and I couldn't stay away. It was partly because I hadto – because of you – and partly because I like pissing Fury off. And, well, I was agitated, now I know why, but I wasn't… I was more of an asshole than usual. Anyways he was pissing me off so I went to see you, more to piss him off more than anything else, or at least that's what I told myself, and there you were, and I just… I just knew. I don't know why it made such a difference seeing you in person than seeing you on tape, especially with you behind all that glass, but, well." Tony shifts, rubbing his cheek against Loki's. "Everybody knows not to get between a Guide and a Sentinel. Not in general, especially not if either of them is injured or if the situation is threatening, but most certainly not when they're about to bond. Until that moment I didn't realize that you were a Sentinel – putting someone like you in that glass cage, it amounts to torture, we have laws for that sort of thing. I told Fury to open the door but he didn't, and under normal circumstances I could've gotten him to do it anyway but I had absolutely no patience to wait that long to get you out of there so I had JARVIS… JARVIS is in almost anything SHIELD does, as much as we can get him into, and I know they had suspicions about that but never any evidence. When Fury didn't open the cage I had JARVIS do it for me, so now they know how far up their ass we are. Or were, because I'm sure they overhauled all their systems, haven't they, JARVIS?"
"They are in the process, sir," JARVIS replies promptly. "Of course the sensibleness of that is questionable, considering that I am part of their systems."
"You showed them your hand," Loki says. "For me?"
"Without a second thought," Tony replies immediately. "They can't do anything to me about it either, we have laws about this sort of thing."
The deep breath Loki takes is a bit shaky; he clearly realizes that it's not that simple. Thankfully, he doesn't say anything about it. "What laws? About… bonding?"
"Yeah, about just about everything related. There is something called pair-bond interference, which just about covers it all, and that's against the law, it means that whatever the pair does to circumvent this interference, they cannot be punished for – especially during bonding. During bonding, all bets are off, we could've gotten away with murder, especially considering what they did to you." Tony closes his eyes, cards his fingers through Loki's hair and tells himself to stop thinking about it, but that cage. That cage. He's going to find who built that and kill them. Maybe Fury too for having Loki put in it. "Pair-bond interference is… well, it's what Fury did, preventing me from getting to you, physical interference basically, but usually most people aren't stupid enough to do that because neither Sentinel nor Guide take kindly to that. It's hard to generalize this because it's all very situational, but… touching, that counts. Without express permission having been given, people aren't supposed to touch either member of the pair, especially early on into the bonding. We're allowed to touch people if we want to but it's all very complicated."
"I understand," Loki says before Tony can start to babble. "Your laws protect bonded pairs like us."
"Yes." Tony pauses for a moment, trying to think about how to put this. "That said, if we get a reputation for being unreasonable, nobody's going to want to work with us. It's all within reason, you know?"
"As is everything." Almost absently nuzzling Tony's face, Loki remains quiet for a bit, mulling that over. "What, exactly, is expected of us? You keep telling me things are "normal" and "instinct" but I have no frame of reference."
Right, of course. "That's a pretty loaded question. It's very complicated because every pair is different. Generally, we're expected to be territorial about each other and, well, there are some things we might be expected to do." Tony cringes, because he hadn't really mentioned this yet. "The SGC might call for us to help out with something, and we'll have to go and do it. It's mostly emergency stuff and they might never call for us, our skillsets aren't high priority for this sort of thing, but it's a thing that might happen."
A confused frown on his face, Loki cups Tony's hips and leans back a little. "What emergencies?"
"Ah. Things like- like if there's a natural disaster they need Sentinels to help searching for survivors, and Guides to help- well generally they need Guides for crowd control and trauma relief. We're sort of a sink for spikes in emotion, we even out the general mood of a group of people." Tony frowns, trying to think about it. "I don't know personally, they don't use unbonded Guides."
"And we are required to do this?" Loki seems thoughtful, but at least not opposed to the concept in general. Because yes, they very much are.
"We can refuse in absolute emergencies, but we shouldn't unless there is absolutely no other way, it's just not wise. They won't do anything to us, but it's a give and take with them and while I might not like some of their methods, I do owe them." Tony frowns, runs his hand down Loki's chest. "We both do, I think."
"I have no objections," Loki says, looking up at Tony through his eyelashes. It's definitely a sultry look but Tony is reasonably sure Loki's not doing it on purpose, he just looks that way and Tony was a little too preoccupied to really notice until now. Point in case, Loki doesn't even really notice the turn Tony's thoughts have taken, rubs his thumbs over his hips. "Is there anything else?"
"Ah." Tony grimaces. "Actually, I think… I can't be sure, it depends what they'll do about you because you're not actually human and all; I don't know if you'll get a cover identity or what. But most likely you will, considering… everything, pretty much, they can't reasonably expect to keep you secret. Anyways, publicity. They'll be using us for it, I'm pretty sure."
"What do you mean when you say publicity?"
"Public relations." Grimacing again, Tony leans back to run a hand through his hair. He likes the way Loki's grip on his hips tightens at that, tilts back a little more to see Loki's brows furrow with displeasure.
"Public relations?" Loki prompts, pulling Tony a little closer again.
Right, yes, conversation, they were having one. "Events. They'll probably have us be one of the faces of the SGC – or rather, of the Sentinel/Guide community, which sometimes is a fine but distinct difference. Anyways, finding your mate this late is highly unusual, and I'm pretty well-known anyway, there is no way they won't make use of that. You know, tell everyone how amazing and wonderful this is and that bonding makes everyone stronger, Sentinels and Guides are amazing and they really should donate to the SGC to fund their efforts despite the fact that they had nothing at all to do with me finding you. Whatsoever."
Loki nods, understanding on his face. "You are speaking of politics. Yes, I am familiar with that."
Tony hums, growing entirely disinterested with the conversation now that the topic is exhausted for now. He shifts forwards in Loki's lap, really enjoying the way Loki's face tilts up towards him subconsciously. There won't be any sex yet but this he likes; a bit of a tease, finding out how reactive and receptive Loki is towards him. Not quite playing with it, just… exploring.
After a while Loki clearly gets impatient with Tony's wriggling because he leans forwards, wraps one arm around him to make him go still. He makes a show of being exasperated but one corner of his mouth keeps going up; Tony grins, slings both arms around Loki's neck and lets him take his whole weight. "We should eat."
His suggestion is met with an unenthusiastic, if not disinterested shrug; Loki hasn't really shown hunger the past couple of days, something which worries Tony. Disproportionally so, maybe or maybe not, considering he's a Guide and this is his Sentinel. Tony has kept up with meals (an entirely new experience for him, sticking to meal times and actually eating at them too) and Loki eats whenever Tony suggests it but hopefully he'll soon develop an appetite again. Though that time is clearly not today.
All the more surprising, then, is when Loki declares, "I shall make something." When Tony blinks Loki raises an eyebrow, says, "I do know by this point how Midgardian meal preparation commences."
Well, he should, he's been watching Tony every time he made food for them. It hasn't been all that complicated, admittedly, because they mostly have stuff easy to prepare; clearly Pepper told the SGC just what sort of food not to bring. It's all high-quality, Sentinel-safe food, Tony will no doubt pay through his nose for it. People who can't afford to support a Sentinel-safe lifestyle get support, but Tony definitely is not among them.
"Uh, okay, go wild." Tony shifts off Loki's lap and gives him a hand getting up. "Want me to come with?"
"No," Loki says to his surprise. They haven't exactly spent the past five days never getting out of each other's sight but it is pretty close to that. Maybe this is another attempt of Loki's to gain control over his instincts instead of the other way around; Tony really has to tell him about bonding in broader terms. It's not just Loki who needs the closeness – in fact, Tony needs it more than Loki, because the Sentinel has the extra senses to keep track of Tony even when they're not in the same room. Tony doesn't have that advantage.
But it's not that dramatic. Tony can deal for twenty minutes, so he settles back on the sofa and watches Loki leave the room.
The kitchen isn't right next to the living room, there is an office in-between and a second, smaller living room but it is pretty much straight down the hall, and if Tony settles on the armchair instead of the sofa he can actually see the open door. It settles him a little but he still feels a little weird about it, so after a couple of minutes of trying to figure out what Loki is doing – not very easy, the best Tony can do is the banging of cupboard doors, the rest of the kitchen is quieter – he decides to try to explore that feeling. It's not the pain he'd felt a couple of days ago when Loki had left but it originates within the same area and Tony knows that if Loki puts a greater distance between them, that is where the pain will start.
Of course, his half-hearted attempt at meditating doesn't get him anywhere. He doesn't even manage to achieve anything when he really tries; he's definitely not going to be successful in a vaguely stressful situation without his Sentinel close by. Very close by, rather, because Loki isn't exactly far away or anything.
"Tony," Loki says, sounding disapproving. When Tony opens both eyes he's frowning down at him, carrying two plates, silverware and a water bottle, looking thoroughly unhappy. He puts everything on the table and then takes Tony's hand, still displeased. "You are to tell me when there is anything you need. I think it is clear I am not very capable at noticing it myself yet. I will not remain so unskilled, but you still need to communicate." He raises an eyebrow and yeah, okay.
"Sorry." With a grimace Tony lets Loki pull him up and against his body, the weird feeling fading immediately as if it had never been there. "I just, you know. You're not the only one who likes to keep taps on his mate, okay?"
Loki looks… almost relieved at that, but definitely lighter. Tony doesn't really get why but glosses it over, eager to get that embarrassing moment over with. He settles on the sofa with his plate and starts to eat – lasagna, nice. "So," he says, halfway into the meal, because Loki is still wearing that expression that appeared on his face when Tony confessed to his possessiveness and it seems it's not going to go away anytime soon. "I did explain that it's normal for us to be this possessive right now, didn't I?"
"I think you might have mentioned something about it being instinct," Loki says dryly. And okay, yeah, Tony has explained a lot over the past couple of days, and repeated himself a lot too. He doesn't think he went into detail about this, though.
"Well, what I'm saying is, it's expected, and it's not going to go away for a couple of months still," Tony says. "There aren't really statistics about pairs such as us because of my age – not to mention yours – but even younger couples take a long time to get used to being bonded, and the older at the time of bonding, the longer it takes." He used to have a lot of thoughts about that, bitter ones about brainwashing and starting early, but now that he's in the middle of it he knows that that's not it.
"So once we have grown familiar with one another, this will stop?" Loki waves his hand between them in a gesture that indicates he means everything, not just the possessiveness.
"Uh, not really." Tony pulls his shoulders up, focusing completely on his plate. He has a feeling he's never going to be relaxed about Loki, not with how needy and clingy he feels right now, not knowing how long Loki has lived without him. Centuries, even longer. And he doesn't even know if it's out of selfish possessiveness – if Loki did okay for so long without Tony, he can learn to be okay again, right? – or protectiveness, because Loki didn't quite do okay after all and Tony doesn't ever want for him to feel that way again, alone and unwanted and abandoned, even if Loki has never put it to words. Tony had thirty-plus years of feeling that way; in comparison with Loki, that's nothing, less than nothing. The mere thought makes him nauseous and he has to put the plate away.
"Not really," Loki repeats, putting a hand on Tony's and eying him searchingly.
"Well, not like this," Tony elaborates a little reluctantly. "With the not wanting to go outside and the... people."
"People," Loki echoes.
Tony rolls his eyes. "Don't think I'm not aware of how much you want to jump Pepper, and not in the sexy way."
Loki frowns darkly; he had probably thought he'd been subtle. Tony hasn't brought it up because he's sure admitting that he's worried about that will only make it worse, but if they're going to bring up just how irrational the two of them are being right now, he's mentioning that as well. "What I'm saying is, the symptoms will wane, but the root will never go away. We'll always be wary about other people touching one of us, but just how much of a problem it's going to be is an individual thing and we'll only be able to tell when it happens. In a year, maybe."
"It will be a gradual change," Loki says, sounding resigned. "I thought it would be." He scowls, turning Tony's hand around, twining their fingers. "I do not like this."
That much is apparent. "I don't either, but there is a reason we are this way right now," Tony tries to placate. He doesn't want for Loki to try to take him outside again; that had been harrowing. Tony understands where Loki is coming from, but still. "We need to be this close for the bond to establish between us, and we need for there not to be any interference. That's why we're this territorial – that's why I don't want to go outside, why you don't want to let me. It's necessary, it's not being weak – it's making us stronger in the long run. If we upset our bond, we'll feel the effects for far longer than this will last, and it's not worth it."
"You want for me to stop pushing."
Tony makes an impatient noise. "Yes, but I'm not just saying this to get you to do what I want. It's the truth. I know it's hard for you, believe me, it's not easy for me either – I find it unsettling the way I am right now, and that I don't care – but we need it. You need it, I need it. Okay?"
"Okay," Loki agrees with just a tiny bit of hesitation. With a hand on Tony's chin, he turns his Guide's face so they can look each other properly in the eye. "I can give you this." He leans their foreheads together, closes his eyes. "I will give you this."
If that's what it takes for Loki to let it go for now, Tony is okay with it. More than – he's beginning to understand just how difficult this is for Loki. Not their relationship; that, thankfully, seems to come relatively easy. But giving in to his instincts, letting go of all these ideas of how he's supposed to behave and realizing that they don't apply to him, that it's okay for him to be the way he is and that it's not a weakness - that, clearly, will take a while yet.