Work Text:
quintessence
He keeps reliving it.
As captain, it's his prerogative; he's figuring out if there was a better way to resolve the situation, if there's anything he missed, so if he faces a similar scenario in the future, he can achieve the best possible outcome at the lowest possible cost. It's his damn vocation to think about it, to learn from his mistakes, to do a better job next time. That's what being a Starfleet captain is about.
As a man, it's unforgivable, but he can't seem to stop.
Something about Tilly resonated deeply from the start. Even with a crew as traumatised as this one is, he wouldn't usually prank ensigns he just met purely out of the desire to see their smile, hear their laughter. He certainly wouldn't flirt with them.
(He's been in denial till now, but he was definitely flirting.)
She's smart and eager, full of so much life and hope, and so perfectly herself, all the time, irrepressibly so. She's so unapologetically Tilly, she glows, and all he wants is to draw closer.
Every time he closes his eyes, she's there. Looking up at him with absolute trust he'll keep her safe. Lips parted, eyes wide as he leans in to kiss her. Upset - truly, deeply upset at herself - as she apologises for pushing at his boundaries. So caring as she holds him tight and gives him a dose of her Tilly-warmth for comfort.
(He would've died for her, unhesitatingly, but he would've gladly killed the Beltareans just for threatening her. He's still struggling with that.)
Everything about her is so soft, so warm, and so bright. Makes him want to move closer, be near her, so he can soak up all her wonderful Tillyness.
Makes his heart ache with how utterly impossible it is.
It's ridiculous - he's ridiculous.
This woman is mine. (But what if he were hers instead?)
The taste of her mouth lingers. The part he's trying to forget; the part he simply can't scrub from his brain. The curve of her waist into her hip when for one unwise second he allowed himself to touch her. The tiny, needy sound she made as he kissed her, how she tangled her hands up in his hair and he fucking whined.
How soft her lips are.
(The oh-so-perilous knowledge that this extraordinary young woman wants him right back.)
~ fin ~