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“I can’t decide if this is more for you or for me,” Buck said, rereading the printed off email. “You fed my ex-boyfriend to a snake.”
Eddie shrugged. “It was pretty therapeutic.”
~~~
It was their first Christmas as a couple, and Eddie decided that he needed to go all out. The gift needed to be one of a kind. Special. Something that he’d never given Buck before.
While they’d only been dating for a couple of months, they’d known each other for years. He’d done the kitchen equipment route, the yard equipment route, the clothing route; hell, he’d even given Buck his kid.
But no. It wasn’t enough. It needed to be bigger, better.
It needed to be-
“What the hell am I doing?” Eddie complained at work one day. Buck had a doctor’s appointment that morning, and while he hated his partner not having his back, it did give him ample time to figure out Christmas presents without prying eyes.
At his outburst, the rest of the team looked up from what they were doing around the loft of the station. Hen, who was sitting closest to him, asked, “you okay over there, man?”
Eddie waved her off. “I’m fine,” he said.
”I hate to break it to you,” Ravi pointed out from the table a few feet away, “but that was not the sound of a man who is fine.”
”Yeah, Eddie,” Chimney chimed in from somewhere behind him. “What’s got your pants in a bunch?”
Looking around the loft, Eddie searched for their beloved Captain to save him from the interrogations. Bobby was standing at the oven, seemingly ignoring the crew around him.
He was on his own.
“It’s nothing, guys,” he tried to deflect. Eddie opened the next link on his phone.
“Best presents to buy your partner for your first Christmas?" A voice scoffed from behind him. Eddie whipped around to see Chimney hanging off the back of the couch behind him.
“Hey!” Eddie cried. “You snoop!”
Ravi ignored his outcry. “You seriously think you’re going to find something for Buck on a Buzzfeed list? That’s low, man, even for you.”
“They’re right,” Hen agreed. “You know Buck too well to find something on a list.”
Eddie huffed, shut off his phone, and tossed it away from him. “Gee, thanks,” he said. “Do you have any better ideas?
”Why don’t you just get him a fancy kitchen gadget?” Ravi suggested.
“I did that last year!”
“Gardening equipment?” Proposed Hen.
“Did that for his birthday.”
Chimney sighed. “Why don’t you just get him another sweater? He’ll like that!”
His teammates were of no use. Sure, they knew Buck, but they didn’t know him. They didn’t understand just how basic their ideas were.
“This is why I didn’t tell you what I was doing!” Eddie said, frustrated. “You’re absolutely no help!”
Ravi raised his hands in surrender. “It’s not our fault you’re perpetually in a honeymoon phase.”
“I’m not-”
“What he means,” Hen glared at Ravi, “is that you don’t need to go too hard for him. It’s Buck! He’ll love whatever you get him!”
“It’s our first Christmas together,” Eddie pouted.
“We know,” Chim said, rolling his eyes.
Before Eddie could retort, their Captain interrupted.
“Leave him alone, guys,” Bobby called out from the kitchen. “And come eat before-”
The tones chose a good time to blare, and Eddie took off down the stairs before it even registered to the rest of the group. Another win for timing.
~~~
It took another few weeks for Eddie to figure out what to get Buck for Christmas. And he hated that he had to give one Thomas Kinard some sort of credit.
After the lab debacle, Eddie was blessed to never see Buck’s ex-boyfriend again. Sure, Los Angeles was a big city, but there were only so many firefighters, so how they haven’t overlapped at least once was a mystery to him.
But, of course, all blessings wear off eventually, and they weren't even on shift when it happened.
It was date night, and Buck chose an outdoor food hall that they hadn’t tried before.
“This way, we can try a bunch of little things!” Buck said for the fourth time on their way over. It was truly endearing how excited he was for this place.
“Have you looked at the menus yet?” Eddie asked, knowing the answer was most likely yes.
“Sort of, but not really,” Buck confessed. “I know it’s more than tacos and burgers, but I ran out of time to look more.”
Eddie ran a hand over Buck’s right arm. “That’s okay. We can just look around together.”
“That’ll work!”
It didn’t work.
Due to the lack of plan, the two of them kept walking in circles. Decision paralysis was real, and it was their worst enemy. Each circle brought them something new, and Buck, who found it hard to choose on a good day, spent more time repeating different menu items than choosing one.
On their third lap around the hall, Eddie was about to make the executive decision to go for dumplings when a dry, irritating voice cut through the crowd.
“You really let him do that?”
Eddie and Buck turned around to see Tommy, who seemingly appeared out of thin air.
“Do what?” Eddie challenged. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie noticed how unnaturally stiff Buck had become. Eddie loathed how an ex-parter could make Buck do that. His bright, energetic Buck, reduced to a husk with a single tone.
“That,” Tommy said with a wave of his hand.
“You’re not making any sense, man,” Eddie commented, irritated. He felt a light tug on the hand that was in Buck’s. He was about to let Buck lead him away from the unfortunate encounter when Tommy said, yet again:
“That!” He motioned to where their hands were clasped. “Why do you let him drag you around like that?”
Buck spoke up for the first time the entire conversation. “Like what?” His voice quavered ever so slightly.
Tommy ignored him, and continued to address Eddie. “He drags you around like he’s some child. You’re both grown men, Diaz! He needs to act like it!”
Eddie saw red. The entire conversation, Tommy was on thin ice. But that final comment? He was done.
However, before he had a chance to say something, Buck got there first.
“I don’t know how I ever put up with this,” Buck said, unnaturally calm. “All you did was treat me like some hyperactive toddler, and get mad at me for every inconvenience.” Tommy raised an eyebrow, and Eddie had to stifle a laugh. Was he really that dense?
“You needed-”
“I needed a boyfriend,” Buck spat, cutting Tommy off. “Not another father.” And with that, he dragged Eddie away toward the parking lot.
“I’m sorry,” Buck apologized when they climbed into the car. He was looking straight ahead in the direction of where they left Tommy gaping like a fish.
Eddie took his boyfriend’s hands into his own. “You don’t need to apologize for sticking up for yourself,” he said. “I’m proud of you.”
Buck closed his eyes and threw his head back against the headrest. “What did I even see in him,” he lamented.
“Something, evidently,” Eddie said, pulling out of their parking space. “But don’t be too hard on yourself. I was friends with the guy first.”
Before Buck could try to argue, a loud gurgle resonated in the car. Buck looked down sheepishly.
“In-N-Out?”
Eddie nodded. “Please.”
~~~
He was complaining to his son, like all good fathers do, when he figured it out.
“I hate him,” Eddie muttered towards the TV. He and Chris were passively watching the news while doing their own things. Eddie was still on the hunt for Buck’s Christmas present, and Chris was chill on the couch, reading a book for once. Buck was over at Maddie’s getting well-deserved baby time.
Though, why he watched the news when he lived it day to day was anyone’s guess.
The reporter was covering a highway accident. The camera panned overhead to where helicopters were circling. Eddie could make out a faint 217, which was what caused his outburst. He didn’t even know if Tommy was on shift that day, but even the station number caused a visceral reaction in him.
“Who do you hate?” Chris asked, eyes not bothering to leave his book.
“Tommy,” Eddie grumbled, scrolling through his phone aggressively.
“Where did you see him?”
Eddie did not feel like recapping the events of the other night, but he knew that Chris wouldn’t stop unless he did.
“Buck and I went to a new food hall for dinner a couple days ago,” he explained. “We ran into Tommy, and I never want to see his face again.”
Chris mused. “That bad?”
“He called Buck a ‘hyperactive toddler’ and asked how I ‘put up with him,’” he deadpanned. “So yes, that bad. And I still need to find Buck’s Christmas present, but everything sucks and I’m too mad to even think about it right now.”
Eddie’s head fell into his hands and he just sighed.
“That’s rough,” Chris said simply.
“Tell me about it.”
Eddie lifted his head to look at his son, who was tapping away on his phone.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Looking for Buck’s Christmas present.”
“Anything good?”
“Tell me what you think.”
Chris finished tapping away, and Eddie’s phone chimed with a text. It was a link with the name Cry Me A Cockroach.
“Chris,” Eddie hesitated. “What is this?”
“When Genevive’s dumb boyfriend broke up with her last month, her sister sent it to her,” Chris explained.
“It still doesn’t explain to me what it is,” Eddie chided.
“Just read it.”
Eddie clicked the link and read the tagline
“…San Antonio Zoo’s world-famous Cry Me a Cockroach Fundraiser lets you symbolically name a cockroach, rodent, or veggie after your ex, before we serve them as a tasty treat for the zoo’s residents on Valentine’s Day! It’s the ultimate way to ex-terminate your past and help fund important wildlife conservation efforts here at the zoo.”
“Huh.”
“You hate him, and Buck hates him,” Chris said. “But Buck loves animal conservation. I think he’d like it if a snake ate a rat named after his ex.”
Eddie pondered for a moment. Chris was right. And it was out of the box.
“I think you’re onto something, kid.”
Chris beamed. “I know!”
~~~
It was somehow harder than Eddie anticipated, keeping the secret from Buck. In the few weeks leading up to Christmas, all he wanted to do was proudly tell his boyfriend, I fed your troll of an ex-boyfriend to a snake.
But he didn’t, and when Christmas rolled around, it was all worth it in the end.
They opted to have a private Christmas morning, just the three of them, before joining the rest of their (heavily) extended family for evening festivities.
Eddie was jittery all morning. Buck had been up since the asscrack of dawn, which made it downright impossible to try and print the card that the San Antonio Zoo sent him without being caught. Why he waited until Christmas morning was his own damn fault, but Buck was good at finding things without even meaning to, so Eddie didn’t want to risk it.
He ended up using Chris as a distraction and prayed that Buck wouldn’t hear the printer from where he was in the kitchen (it was obnoxiously loud, even for a printer.)
But his quest succeeded, and he found an envelope with zero complications.
And then he waited.
When it was finally time to open presents, Eddie patiently waited as the rest of the presents were opened. He and Buck had gotten Chris a couple games, as well as a few books, and a weird looking science project that looked like too much fun to pass up.
When Eddie opened Buck’s gift, he almost cried. Inside was a framed pen and watercolor portrait of the three of them.
“I ran into an art student in the park during my run one day,” Buck explained. “She needed to flesh out her portfolio, so I commissioned this.”
“It’s wonderful, Buck,” Eddie whispered, brushing a finger over the figures. He almost got lost in the swirls of colors before Chris nudged him.
“Dad, your gift,” he urged.
A bit self-consciously, Eddie handed Buck the envelope. “I’m not sure if this will top the painting, but I tried.”
“It’s from you, Eddie,” Buck promised. “Whatever it is, I’ll like it.”
Eddie watched as his boyfriend carefully tore open the envelope. When Buck unfolded the paper, Eddie crossed his fingers. He watched as his eyes ran across the page.
And finally, his heart unclenched when Buck let out a booming laugh.
“You didn’t,” he wheezed. Eddie- what?”
“It was more or less Chris’ idea,” Eddie tried to explain.
“Don’t bring me into this,” Chris deflected. “You’re the one who hates his guts the most.”
“I can’t decide if this is more for you or for me,” Buck said, rereading the printed off email. “You fed my ex-boyfriend to a snake.”
Eddie shrugged. “It was pretty therapeutic.”
“Whatever it was, it’s perfect,” Buck gushed. “Not only did you feed my ex to a snake, you did it for charity. A man after my own heart.”
He lunged at Eddie and wrapped him in a big hug. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“Of course, mi amor,” Eddie replied. “It was all he was ever good for, anyway.”