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“I love you.”
In the past, he would be shocked. He would've turned around with wide eyes and a blush creeping onto his cheeks as he stared at Ollis. He would've asked him to repeat those exact three words to him, thinking maybe he misheard him.
“I love you.”
When he repeated those words, in the past he would've smiled and reciprocated those feelings back. All for the sense of hope that L Corp has striped them from, just to feel something outside of misery and torment.
“I love you.”
He would've loved to kiss him right there, to smile as he watched him walk in the room. All those disgusting feelings that he faintly remembers others saying was “love” would have rushed back to him. Because there was no love to be found in L Corp, not when it's overshadowed by the aching feeling of something rotting, maybe even missing like a body without a heart. Perhaps in the past, that fleeting feeling could arrive and give him that true feeling of hope.
But this wasn’t the past.
…
“I love you.” Ollis grabbed his hand just before the other could walk away.
M couldn't bother to turn. His body didn't stutter nor did his breath hitch like the thousands of loops his old self would do. He was still, unresponsive, silent.
“You may not like me back, and I get it.” Ollis started his dialogue. It was far too familiar for him. “But I needed to get this off my chest, and for fucks sake, if I can't do it now then I can do it never!”
He's done it far too many times now. M bit the bottom of his lip, that exact lip that once laid to Ollis instead of his own teeth and tongue.
He didn't want to hear this dialogue again.
“Then don't.” M responded.
“What?” Ollis blinked.
“I don't want you to say it. I never want you to say why you love me.” He looked back, eyes empty as they stared at Ollis. “I always knew you liked me. Day 25. That's when you realized you liked me.”
“How did—?”
“You always found yourself brushing against me because you wanted to know how I felt. You figured out quickly that I felt rough, perhaps a reason why no one wants to even lay a hand on me; because I'm sandpaper compared to silk. I'm more unbearable to those who even feel like nails against a chalkboard.” M continued. “You asked me one day what my favorite color was and guessed it was purple because of my hair color.”
Ollis tried to speak.
M wasn't going to allow it. “I only said yes because you seemed so proud of yourself. You were wrong, but I didn't correct you because I liked you back then.” He glanced down at their interlocked hands, eyes narrowing as his brows furrowed. “I hate you.”
He ripped his hand away from Ollis, no matter how much his skin screamed to return to his softening touch. M stared at Ollis, eyes empty as he told him the full truth.
“I hate you so much because I like you. I never want you to get near me, but I want you to stay close to me because you're the only other person who likes my presence. I never want you to say those three words because I'm a generous person who knows L Corp will rip it away from you. From me.” He listed off everything he's learned. “I never wanted you to love me, but L Corp is cruel to softened hearts like yours. And the most fucked up thing about this is that despite all of it, I still love you. And I hate you for it.”
For once in his entire life, through all thousands and thousands of loops, Ollis had nothing to say.
“Nothing to say? Good.” M sneered, fists clutching. “I never wanted you to love me. And I never wanted to love you.”
He turned around and stormed out the hallway.
“L Corp is cruel to us, my Ollis…”
Because the fucked up thing was thay despite all of this, M still loved him.
And he hated it.