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Ah, Jamil is smiling.
Kalim, who was looking outside the window, thought just that. He was simply trying to distract himself because the optics of falling asleep in class were pretty bad when he’d bragged about working hard from now on – and it worked. He was now fully focused… On the wrong thing.
Jamil’s class was in the middle of their flying lessons, out on the field or already in the air. It was easy to spot Jamil even from afar with everyone looking as teeny tiny as ants – Kalim was used to it, finding Jamil in a crowd and following his every gesture. Waiting for his turn, he was chatting with a classmate whose name Kalim couldn’t remember. It was rare for Jamil to talk to other people. Or perhaps not. After all, like he said during the holidays, Kalim had never put in the effort to know the real him. That thought stung his heart, squeezing and wringing it.
Kalim couldn’t detach his eyes from Jamil joking around a friend like any other teenager would. From this far away, he couldn’t see any details, but the curve of Jamil’s lips was certain. Maybe his cheeks were a little flushed from laughing too much or from running around too. When was the last time Jamil smiled like this in front of him? Was it back when they were home and still friends? When they were too young to even know who they were and where they stood in society?
Now that he was dwelling on it, poring over his memory and what little he could remember from his childhood, he was unable to picture Jamil’s smile directed toward him in his mind. No matter how much he tried, it was impossible – he could perfectly see Jamil’s body but, from the neck onward, his face was blurry, a smudge of brown and black blending together without clear contours.
Kalim’s breath hitched in his throat. There was no one to truly blame for this situation, not even himself because, though his family name and selfishness was at the root of it all – it was a useless thought – but the fact was that he obviously could never be on the receiving end of Jamil’s smile.
His heart seemed to beat louder, thumping painfully in his chest as he watched Jamil jab another classmate in the ribs before jumping on his broom to fly away. The familiar taste of iron filled his mouth. Just like that time his head was held underwater, no air seemed to reach his lungs and everything was cold and dark and–
“...lim. Kalim.”
Silver’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Looking straight at him, his friend tilted his head, his hair swaying in the afternoon sunlight.
“Our next class is Alchemy,” he said, holding back a yawn. “Everyone is already gone.”
Still dazed, Kalim looked around the classroom where every chair was empty, even the teacher’s. How long did he zone out for? With an apologetic smile, he bumped shoulders with Silver.
“Sorry, I dozed off for a bit! Thanks for waiting for me, Silver!”
“You do the same for me… Let’s go.”
As they got up to leave the classroom, Kalim resisted the urge to look back at Jamil flying outside, even if he wished to see more of his friend… Servant smiling.
Whoever that smile was for, it wasn’t for him.