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“Hollander, it means nothing,” Rozanov said to him, and if Shane weren’t feeling so much right now, he would’ve screamed at Ilya, maybe cried and begged him to admit it was, be it couldn’t be, and that's what scared Shane the most. The ball that was slowly crawling up his throat was telling him he needed to get out of there now before Ilya realized he had fucked this whole thing up and felt a lot more than nothing for the man in front of him.
“I, I’m sorry I can’t,” Shane said as he headed for the apartment door. He couldn’t look at Ilya, couldn’t bear to see the indifference in his eyes when he felt so much more than him. He knew it would end this way, but screw him, he had hope for a minute. Then Ilya had said his name like a prayer, and Shane knew he couldn’t keep this up in the way he wanted.
When Shane got back to the hotel he was staying at he was glad Hayden was still out and hoped it would stay that way for a while. Tears started to stream down his cheeks, and when he looked down, he realized a fatal mistake, and he approached the mirror. Ilya’s clothes were wrapped around his body, and if Shane focused, he could smell him on them. This made his heart clench, and a sob ripped out of his body; he was so pathetic falling for a man who didn’t even want him back. Logically, getting out of these clothes, but Shane didn’t have the strength for that right now. He lay down on the cool sheets and cried, which eventually settled him into a restless sleep plagued by a Russian accent whispering Shane and a longing for the warmth of a body he would never see again.
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Months had passed since Shane’s fateful realization, and a few other things in his life. His first public relationship since becoming famous had come and gone. His first time coming out to a person had also been had, funny considering it was his ex-girlfriend. Shane knew he wasn’t getting anywhere with the whole “I’m in love with Ilya Rozanov” bit. In the past few games, he had seen him; they had never communicated, but Shane still felt a squeeze in his chest whenever they crossed paths. Tonight just so happened to be that, another game against Boston, and Shane didn’t know what to expect. The news of him and Rose’s break had just hit the news cycle about a week prior, which was definitely enough time for Ilya to see it. Would he notice? Would he even care? Or had Ilya already moved on to bigger and better, leaving Shane in the dust?
The first face-off of the game was set into motion, and what more would the MLH want than a famous face-off between Hollander and Rozanov? When they locked into position, Shane swallowed, and then Ilya spoke
“Guess you were not pretty enough for either of us, huh?” Shane had expected his words to sting, but this shattered; it dug into every insecurity Shane had ever had, especially being pretty enough for Ilya. Shane had always been a pretty boy, and everyone had told him so; it was annoying in every sense. It made Shane feel lesser, like they didn’t respect him because he wasn’t as rugged as those around him. However, with Ilya, that's all he ever wanted to be; he wanted to be pretty for him, beautiful, he wanted to be everything. Now, he was never going to, and Ilya Rozanov had just confirmed it. Shane just looked up at him and let every bit of wounded show on his face; it's not like Ilya would care anyway.
Then the puck dropped, and Shane stole it easily, strange for Rozanov. Shane noted that when they met eyes, Ilya seemed to freeze and then wasn’t able to catch up in time to actually get the puck. Shane put that aside for now, though. Sure, he wasn’t enough for Rozanov, but he was enough for hockey, and he was damn good at it.
The Voyagers had easily snagged a win against Boston this time around. Shane thought it was the best game he had had in years, and anyone who would watch the sport would agree with him.
“Dude, you were a beast out there!” Hayden yelled as he slammed his hand into Shane's shoulder in the locker room post-game.
“You were so good even Rozanov looked shit,” JJ chimed in, and even though the name made Shane's face scrunch a bit, he agreed, Rozanov was off his game tonight, he was playing like his head was dunked underwater. Either way, it was none of his business. Shane had realized one thing during his game: his time with Rozanov was over, and he couldn’t let it linger again.
Once again, Shane had gotten back to his hotel and found himself lingering in the mirror more than usual. He looked at his softer-than-normal features, and not pretty enough echoed through his mind. Fuck Ilya Rozanov, he had gotten into Shane’s head, and Shane knew there was only one way to get into his. Yeah, sure, this wasn’t exactly “get over Ilya Rozanov” thoughts, but Shane had been in love with the man so long he wasn’t even sure what those thoughts were anymore or if he had ever had one. However, Shane was familiar with a “get even with Ilya Rozanov” thought, and he was going to follow it. If Rozanov didn’t think he was pretty enough, Shane would show him just how “pretty” he was to everyone else around.
The next morning, Shane called his mom. He had thought all night about what sponsorship he could take on to promote this new turn. There were a few sponsors he had waiting for him to accept that Shane had always hesitated on, since they wanted to portray him in a gentler “pretty boy” light. The first one was a Canadian clothing brand, Éblouissante; their first pitch had involved a lot of fitted suits and lace accents. Shane was used to his sports attire and couldn’t see the appeal of this brand, so he had always held back on agreeing much to his mother's chagrin. He knew what the company wanted, and he had never felt more in the mood to give it to them.
“Hey sweetie,” His mom said, her warm voice calmed his nerves as he took a deep breath
“Mom, how soon do you think we could get an Éblouissante shoot set up?” Shane asked,
His ear almost popped with the high-pitched noise his mother made across the phone as she started to rattle details off about the money and popularity it would give to his career.
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Almost a month later, the shoot had taken place, and the photo promoting both the company and him would drop in about an hour. The process had moved a lot faster than he expected, but that's just the kind of can-do woman Yuna Hollander was. The cover photo for this shoot was definitely a new kind of Shane. The suit he was in was tailor-made for his body, making it much tighter than his average clothes. You could see every ripple of muscle in his body, every delicate shape of his toned ass. The suit had a deep V that made every sculpted part of his torso from his belly button available for the eye to stare up and down. The most interesting part was the lace accent on the inside of the suit, which had accented his um, rather full pecs. As he analysed the photos, Shane felt a sense of pride ping in his chest. He had to admit, he looked good and yeah, pretty. His goal had been achieved, and now was the time as he reposted the company post onto his main social pages. His phone pinged, and he picked it up to see a text from Rose
“HOLY SHIT SHANE, YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE,” it read with the link to his post, then another text with various drooling and heart emojis rolled in.
“Lol, my mom and I have been planning this for a while,” he texted back and smirked. Rose had always been his hype man since she was basically the only friend he had who knew everything about him.
“Holy shit, your mom is a genius. The general public needs to thank Yuna Hollander. Although we won’t be able to go out together anymore.” Rose said, and Shane frowned. The press had calmed down, finally, with the rumors of them getting back together, so why would this push them apart?
“What? Why?” He asked,
“I will need to beat everyone off you with a stick.” The next text said, and Shane huffed out a laugh
“Rose… I already have to do that when we go out for you.” Shane texted back, he could recall the number of times he had to play “back off” with someone at the club, or dinner, or anywhere when they met somewhere not private.
“Okay, well, it's no fun if we both have to do it,” Rose said,
“But my new outfits :(” Shane had a lot of things from the company, mostly very nice pieces, but some that were definitely good for a casual setting
“Oh my god, did you get to keep the outfits?” Rose asked,
“And then some,” Shane had not only gotten the pieces he had worn during the shoot, but basically anything he had wanted from the company as a bonus if he agreed to come back.
“Oh my god, then we have to go out asap, I love having hot friends.” Shane laughed at the latest text and shot one agreeing and then set his phone down.
He could only hope that the new photos would soon reach the person they were meant for, “not pretty enough,” Shane huffed, what bullshit, Shane would show him pretty. He supposed he’d know if it landed in a week, considering that was when they played Boston next.